A/N: I just typed this up and I didn't overread this so sorry for the mistakes but I was soooo busy.

Reviews: I have to cut this really short because I am just about to leave again, so sorry I can't reply because I should be already out of this door. But I didn't want you to wait anylonger. Sorry. Just know how much I appreciate all of your reviews. You guys totally rock :) and your reviews keep me writing so please keep them up. And I once again apologize. Blame my geography teacher, okay? :D Oh and I'll reply to the next ones a usual this is just a one time thing.

Happy Readings!

Chapter 12

If somebody would have ever told Chuck Bass that he would be afraid to open a letter, he wouldn't have believed them either. But then again he believed barely anyone because to believe is a question of trust and Chuck didn't trust anyone.

Except that single person who he trusted a long time ago, who he gave his heart and who broke it.

He learned his lesson, he felt hard so he would never believe anyone again, and he learned that trust was for other people but not for him.

So right now he was left alone in one of the huge rooms of the Palace hotel starring at that classy envelope in his hands and all he could think about was her.

"Damn it!" he sighed and ripped it open.

A single piece of white paper flew out of it and landed on the floor, he stopped down and picked it up; as he took a look at the handwriting he recognized it immediately. The exclusive swings of the g; it was just like Blair, clear but somehow mystery.

He really missed her… it was hard for him to admit that but truth be told he missed her, like her had missed nothing else in his entire life.

He took one last deep breath because he knew that breathing would be hard as soon as he would have started to read the letter.

Chuck,

You must feel confused right now… getting a letter from someone you don't even know anymore. After 15 years of absence this is the first proof of life from me…Well at least I hope it's 15 years later because then everything I tried plan would have worked out.

Well, I said this is a "proof of life" but it's actually isn't.

I don't even know how to say this… I mean this is just as strange for me as it is for you… maybe it's even worse. But I got to do this… I've been running away from it too long.

Just as I've been running away from you and me and everyone else in this goddamn city.

But what I've learned while running away from myself is that you can't run away from yourself.

Confusing, huh?

You can't run away from yourself because no matter where you're running to you'll always meet yourself, which is why I have to do this because the place where I'm running to is my final destination. I can't keep running away because there's no chance that I can turn back.

When you get this letter Chuck, I'll be dead. That sounds to weird talking this way about myself.

I've been thinking about how to write this letter for so long, I tried to find the perfect beginning and every time I read through the words I just had written I thought: "No, that's wrong." And started all over again.

And now look at this, all I can do is talking about myself… I've always done that, I am selfish but maybe I haven't been enough selfish at all.

Yes, I really am confusing… I don't even understand myself.

But this letter is not about me, well parts of it are but there is actually another person who is much more important right now.

When I said that I'm dead I meant it. It was not some kind of sick joke, it's the truth.

Do you remember the day I came to you because I had no one to turn to? Well I guess you do.

You said you didn't want me anymore. It hurt so badly. It was being kicked when you're already down, I couldn't defend myself anymore so I had to leave. You were my last hope and you let me down.

I am not blaming you Chuck, how could I? It was my fault after all…

I'm just saying. And believe me when I say that admitting this is hard for me… but it doesn't matter anymore does it? I don't care anymore if I show my feelings.

I have feelings and you hurt me, if I would have known how relieving admitting these feelings is I would have done it a long, long time before.

But as I said this letter is not about me.

You were my last hope because you were right no one else wanted me anymore. And I knew that was going to last a while and I didn't have time to fix my life at least not without your help.

You were my last hope because I' pregnant.

And it isn't Nate's. I know that. I know how hard it's for you to trust people Chuck but please trust me. There's no reason I would lie to you. So trust me when I say that I'm pregnant with your child.

I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to tell you when you didn't want me anymore… so I did what worked so well for Serena, I run away.

But Chuck, that isn't everything.

And I know that you must be scared right now… I know that because I am, too.

But that is not everything. The doctors… they say that… that there might be complications.

Major complications.

And I don't know what will happen but if anything happens to me my father will give this letter our daughter on her 15th birthday. And if she decides to search you she'll give you this letter. I guess she already gave it to you if you're reading it right now.

Oh my god, I wish I could see her grow up.

But if it's true what the doctors say and I'll die I want you to take care of my little girl.

I assume she isn't so little anymore. And Chuck?

I know you're furious right now… upset about the fact that I kept her away from you but I have my reasons. Believe me. I want her to be happy and I don't you to hurt her.

Not as you hurt me. I really loved you, Chuck.

And I think if all would have worked out we might be happy today.

Please don't blame Serena or my dad or anyone else this was my entire plan, my last plot. There's no one else to blame.

Just me and maybe you if you feel guilty for what you did to me… but then again I think I should thank you, you changed my life for better and for worse, that sounds strange but it's the truth.

You made me realize how much I wanted this baby you were the one who left me no options and I really have to thank you for that without you I would have made the wrong decision.

So thank you Chuck for ruining my life, the life I accepted so long ago, my perfect life, and the one I never really wanted.

Thank you, Chuck. There are no words to explain how thankful I am and there are also no words to explain how much I despise you.

This is such a crazy world but if I really have to leave I'll at least know that I did my job and that my daughter won't be left alone.

Get to know her Chuck, give her a chance she deserves it and if Serena did her job as well as I thought she did you'll love her because she is a great girl, how could she not without us as her parents?

Well, okay maybe I should rather ask: How can she with us as her parents… but I know that she is a great girl, a mother feels that.

We are corrupted in every way that possible, Chuck. But I won't let this happen to her, she'll grow up in France with Serena and my father by her side and she'll be a happy child until it's time to let her know who she is.

Until it's time to let her know who you are.

I know that you'll be furious but I have my reasons, I think I did the right thing.

Believe me when I say that I loved you, Chuck.

Maybe in another lifetime…

Blair

Chuck Bass sat in that huge room in the famous Palace Hotel and all he could think of was what the fuck had happened to his life.

Suddenly the reason that holds it all together wasn't there anymore; was dead.

Like a soap-bubble…

When you're little you think they will make up their way to the clouds, to heaven.

And when they're there they'll great the one person you know up there.

But then all of a sudden it bursts.

You wonder what happened, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this, it wasn't suppose to happen; it was simply not what you intended not what you planned.

Yeah, his life with Blair was just like a soap-bubble you watch it fade away and suddenly it bursts. And there's nothing you can do.

Blair…

That name had been a part of his life for forever and suddenly she should be dead. He couldn't believe it. It was lie. It had to be lie, how could something that bad be true…

It was a total lie, he refused to accept it.

But then again, why would lie to him. She had never lied to him in any way she couldn't he knows her to well, he reads her like an open book.

"Read", he corrected himself. There was only a past tense. No present anymore, not with her.

And this girl, the one with her eyes… was she really his daughter?

She looked a lot like Blair…

Those hazel eyes, the hazel eyes he will never ever see again, the ones he knows he'll miss.

He'll miss her, her laughter, her voice, their plots all of it. Because his life isn't complete without her just as her life wasn't complete without him.

It was his fault.

If he had let her go, if he would stay by her side when she went through all of this, if he would never sent Gossip Girl that awkward blast everything would be the way it was supposed to be. He would be with Blair now; they would have raised their daughter together.

They would be happy.

Just as they were supposed to be.

And suddenly Chuck knew that he killed her, that there was no one to blame but himself. Yes, maybe Blair said that he wasn't the one responsible. But he knew that he was the one responsible. HE KILLED HER, as he killed his mother.

As he killed himself.

He was dying inside without her, he was nothing and she had been his only hope.

He killed her and that would kill him.

Suddenly he noticed that his hands were shaking that he couldn't breath it seemed like all of his guilt clogged his throat. It seemed like he was about to die.

But this wasn't his time.

He had a duty; he had to take care of the daughter she had left him.

And he was ready to take care of her but not right then because at that particularly moment it was too much for him to handle so he felt to the floor and started to cry, like a child like the wounded boy he was inside.

It had been a while since he had cried this way; it had been 15 years ago.

15 years ago:

Chuck Bass sat at the one of the bars in Midtown when his cell phone vibrated. He intended to get himself drunk so drunk that he could bland out that voice that was ringing over and over in his head.

"Game's over"

It was over; there was no point in fighting anymore. He was done with her. At least that was what he tried to tell himself; maybe he would believe it… hopefully in the next 20 years.

So when his cell vibrated he opened the text immediately, it could be her. Not that he did care about that…

Gossip Girl

Ugh. That bitch again what would she destroy this time? His heart maybe?

He snapped for air when he read through the text.

Spotted:

B and S at the helipad having a heart to heart. What is this about? Is B really leaving? Where is she flying to? When will she come back and the most important question: What will Chuck Bass say about it?"

What the hell? What was this? A sick joke? As if he would believe it. Blair would never leave New York, it was her home.

Well he wasn't sure if you could call it a "home."

But she wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to her friends.

She has no friends left because you took them away from her...

No, this couldn't be true, this couldn't be happening...

it just couldn't.

Then he noticed another unopened text.

Help!

She is leaving. I need you now!

S.

NO! It was really true? No... that was impossible but if Serena said it... why would she lie to him? He would find out eventually. So there was no reason about lying to him.

So it must be true.

FUCK!

He rushed out of the bar without paying.

When he was finally at the airport he didn't see them anymore.

"Thank god" he sighed because he thought that Serena persuaded her into staying. But then his phone was vibrating again. He didn't expect anything bad, he expected good news. He was sp wrong.

Gossip Girl here again.

It seems like B really did leave. What's wrong with you B? You were my ideal... and now you left without a good cat fight? Shame on you! Well she'll be back, the queen always comes to claime her thrown. The question is how long can she stay away?

She was gone... gone.

Like in GONE.

And suddenly Chuck didn't care who could saw him, who would post anything about him on Gossip Girl. He didn't care about that fact that he wasn't supposed to show his feelings.

He just cried for the girl he had loved and for him because she had left him without even looking back.

TBC

Short I know but please leave a review if you want more.

Thank you :)