It's me, Janae.

I had to come to the library to write this, can you believe it? Kaoru and Hikaru have been up in my grill ALL FREAKING DAY. You would not BELIEVE the stunts they've pulled.

I am so humiliated. And PISSED as HELL.

I'm only two weeks into the college experience, and already I want to slit my wrists.

And you know what? I can't handle it anymore. I'm just gonna call Mom and tell her I need to be transferred somewhere, ANYWHERE, to get away from here.

It's been two weeks, and I can no longer handle these…these…ARRRRGH.

What is WRONG with them? They're possessed or something, I swear.

Listen to these shenanigans:

They stole a professor's toupee today. RIGHT off his head, DURING class. And the guy is so geriatric, he doesn't even notice when they PUT IT BACK ON HIS HEAD.

They started a food fight in the cafeteria. Seriously, like they were back in middle school. A FOOD FIGHT.

They blacked out an entire section of classrooms while fooling around with an electrical grid. How do I know? I was in Computer Lab 4 writing a five-page summary of a six-page reading assignment when it happened. All my save data, LOST.

Oh, and also, they bragged about it to me afterwards. Great, I think that makes me an accomplice or something. They were SO proud, too. They kept grinning at me like I was supposed to congratulate them.

What I did was whack them both firmly upside the head. Which only made me feel marginally better.

Also, they continue to diss the open dorm hours, instead opting to hang out in MY room ALL DAY.

I swear, they're acting like PRETEENS. Who in their right mind screws around like that in COLLEGE?

Oh, but that's not the worst. If you think I'm done, you're dead wrong. Catch this:

They have created a Catacombs College Host Club.

Just typing this makes me feel faint. I think I need to lay down for a moment.

-=+=-

Kaoru and Hikaru followed Janae, at an annoyingly close distance, out of the cafeteria. Janae's cheeks burned with embarrassment and fury.

"What, in God's name, compelled you to fling mashed potatoes onto the ceiling?" she hissed, not trusting herself to even LOOK at the two boys behind her.

Kaoru laughed. "Come on, Janae-tan. Like you've never wanted to have a food fight."

Janae still didn't look at them. "Yes. In SIXTH GRADE. You're in college now. Will you both please GROW UP?"

No answer. Janae finally turned to look them in the eye. Only, they were no longer behind her.

They were staring eagerly at a poster pinned onto a lunch hall bulletin board.

"Look!" Kaoru pointed eagerly. "They're having club signups here tonight!"

"Oh, cool! They have Aikido classes!"

"We could donate blood." Kaoru squinted at the fine print. "On a…daily basis." Suddenly he looked a little faint. "Hikaru…"

Hikaru grabbed Kaoru's shoulders and eased up against his body. "Shush, silly. You don't need to get worked up about it." Lowering his eyelids, he tilted Kaoru's chin. "Unless, of course, you're getting worked up about me."

Janae walked up to them, struggling to ignore their brotherly love. "Hey, maybe if you guys had something to do during your free time, you could stay out of trouble." And maybe leave me alone for longer than five minutes at a time.

Hikaru wasn't listening. "Look, they say if you have a club idea not listed here, you can set up a booth tonight."

Janae turned white. "Oh, no."

Kaoru swung his head to look at Hikaru. "Hai, let's do it."

"No, I forbid you to do it. No, no, NO!"

They entwined arms and grinned. "It's College Host Club time!"

"Oh NOOOOOOOOO…"

-=+=-

So now, you guessed it, they've got a table set up in the lunch hall. They're signing up eligible (rich) young ladies to hang out with after classes. They're auditioning hot guys to see if they're "host club material".

Actually, I must admit, that part I was enjoying. They kept asking guys to take off their shirts. Mmmmm.

Regardless, I had to leave when Kaoru waved at me across the hall and shouted, "Janae-tan, you'd better hurry and sign up before all the spots get taken!"

Right, as if. I had to break for the library after that, to save myself the embarrassment. Like I'd even want to hang out with creeper college strangers, and have to PAY for it?

No effing way.

Hey, I don't CARE what their high school was like. Nobody here in AMERICA would do that kind of thing.

Or so I thought. Their booth was one of the busiest before I left. It figures that everyone here at Catacombs is whacked out.

Uh oh, here comes Hikaru. I'd better look busy.

Too late, he's coming over. DAMMIT. I'll be right back.

-=+=-

Hikaru, in one smooth motion, swung a chair out from the study table and planted himself in it next to Janae.

She was not impressed. "What is it?" she whispered to him. "I'm busy writing."

Hikaru cast a critical eye upon her laptop screen. "Yeah, I can tell. "here comes Hikaru, I'd better look busy"? Nice, Janae."

Janae flipped the lid shut and turned her head to look him in the eye. "Did you come here for a reason?" she glared.

He smirked. "As a matter of fact, yes. I've talked with Kaoru about it, and we decided to give you the last spot available on the Catacombs College Host Club list."

Janae stared with poison in her eyes. "If you're suggesting that I pay YOU TWO to sit with a guy I don't know for an hour and sip tea and wear dainty clothes like a total douche, you're off your nut."

Hikaru opened his mouth.

"And I am totally NOT into cross-dressing," Janae plowed through her speech. "I don't CARE how cool this Haruhi chick was back in high school, okay? It's just not my scene."

Hikaru shrugged. "Fine," he said. "Mou, it's not like we were going to make you pay or anything."

Janae crossed her arms sullenly. "Oh, so now I'm a charity case? What, I'm not GOOD enough to pay for a male prostitute?"

Hikaru reached out a hand, but Janae smacked it away. "And that's the last time I ever touch you voluntarily, Hitachiin Hikaru.

Hikaru stared in disbelief. "Tamaki-senpai was right. Women need a textbook written about them. You're too hard to understand."

"I'm too WHAT? Too hard to UNDERSTAND?!" Janae suddenly stood, knocking her chair against the ground. "What's hard to understand is how I ever let myself be talked into this whole stupid thing!"

At this point, nobody else in the library was studying, instead opting to enjoy the free show.

"And what stupid thing would that be?" Hikaru, too, had risen from his seat, and was now staring Janae down.

"You wouldn't understand," sniped Janae smugly. "You're a MAN, you're too complicated."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It MEANS," and Janae took a deep breath in order to shout in his face, "THAT I-"

"Am being kicked out of the library," interrupted an angry voice behind them.

Suddenly rushing back to where she was, Janae turned, shame-faced, to face the furious librarian. "I am so sorry about this-"

"I'm sorry too. Now both of you, OUT."

The other students began to drift back to their work.

"W-wait, please…" Janae fumbled for words. Hikaru looked on in amusement.

The librarian grabbed them both by the shoulder and frog-marched them to the door. "This is a place intended for quiet study, NOT a booth at McDonalds. From now on, keep your ridiculous, sophomoric quarreling confined to your own areas." She pushed them both outside. "Feel free to come back in when you can respect the rules of conduct."

The door slammed shut in their faces.

-=+=-

I can't believe it.

I, for the first time in my life, have been forcibly ejected from a library.

Mom's gonna KILL me if she finds out.

I'm gonna kill HIKARU for this. He just got me publically shamed and physically thrown from our nation's greatest institutuion, the library.

But as I turn to wail on him, he begins laughing.

That does it, I AM gonna kill him now.

But before I can, I start laughing too.

Don't ask me why, I have no idea. All I know is, I can't stop. And it feels GREAT.

-=+=-

Janae and Hikaru laughed for what felt like an eternity, and then Janae abruptly stopped. "Oh no! I left my laptop in there!"

They both jumped up to look in the window. Library woman was bearing Janae's laptop away, to her office.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine with her," said Hikaru.

And then they began laughing even harder, until they were both rolling on the sidewalk clutching their stomachs.

"S-Stop," gasped Janae. "I c-cant take it anymore."

Hikaru rolled onto his back, and closed his eyes against the sunshine. "Aa, that felt good."

"I haven't laughed like that in AGES," she giggled.

"So you are a real human being after all." Hikaru rolled onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow. "Kaoru and I were starting to worry about you."

Janae snorted. "Yeah, whatever." She stood and offered Hikaru a hand up. "C'mon, let's go."

"What about your laptop?"

"Like you said, it'll be safe with Mother Superior in there. I'm not quite ready to "respect the rules of conduct" just yet."

Hikaru took her offered hand and jumped to his feet. However, he did not immediately let go of her hand.

"See?" he said, hefting their hands above his head like a trophy. "You said you'd never touch me voluntarily ever again. That means I win!"

Janae's brow furrowed. "Okay, sure. You can let go now."

Hikaru puffed out his chest. "No, I mean since I won the argument, that means YOU have to hang out with the host club now!"

-=+=-

I couldn't believe it.

He just turned this whole damn thing around on me!

I open my mouth to tell him just where he and his twin can stick their host club, when something catches my eye.

Make that someONE. A certain someone.

It's Austin Griffiths. Austin "roxors my soxors" Griffiths. Austin hottest-guy-here-at-Catacombs, sexiest-coolest-funniest guy I know.

And he's coming, oh my GOD, RIGHT TOWARDS US!

I yank my hand from Hikaru and say under my breath, "Be cool." Aloud, I say "Hey Austin!" and flash him my best smile.

"Hey, Janae." He shows a little sliver of his white teeth, his eyes lingering on my chest before rising to my eyes. Yes! Result!

Hikaru raises a fist. "Hey Griff."

"'Sup, Japan." Austin pounds it.

Griff? Japan? Um, what's with the nicknames?

"Dude," Austin says to Hikaru. "I'm pumped about this Host thing. Man, talk about a socially acceptable opportunity to hang with multiple chicks at a time!"

Hold the phone.

AUSTIN is in the HOST CLUB?!

Suddenly it becomes clear to me. Hikaru is trying to hook up with MY MAN! That worthless FAG!

I am about to scream, or explode, or SOMETHING, when Austin shifts his eyes to me. "Hey Nae, aren't you in the Host Club too?"

Nae. He just called me Nae.

I swear I can hear the Hallelujah Chorus in the background.

"Why, yes," I hear myself say. "Yes I am."

"Cool. We should hang out while we're there." He brushes the hair from his eyes.

DAMN, son. He looks so effing HOT.

"Yeah," I say as nonchalantly as I can. "We should."

"So, I gotta go to the gym." He leans down and puts his face kind of close to mine and says, "I'll catch you later."

My legs feel wobbly. He smells like Old Spice. I LOVE Old Spice. "'Kay. See you."

He smiles at me. AT ME!

Then he jerks his head at Hikaru, and saunters away.

Hikaru stares after him in a funny way. Then he looks at me. "So, you like him, ne?"

"I want to eat his shirt."

Hikaru laughs. "That's a yes, then."

"Whatever. Are we going or not?"

"Let's relieve Kaoru of his duties."

"Sure thing, Japan."

Hikaru winces a little. "Don't call me that."

"Why not, JAPAN?" I say in my best sing-song voice.

Then he does this really weird thing. He catches my hand again and pulls me up close to him like he does to Kaoru. He sounds really serious. "I mean it, Janae. My name is Hikaru, and I want you to call me that."

For a minute, I can't do anything but stare into his eyes. It's hard to concentrate on anything other than his caramel-colored eyes and the sound of his breathing.

He smells really good, too. He smells like…cut grass. And lemonade. He smells like Summer.

Wait a sec, what the hell? What am I SAYING? Am I totally effing LOCO?!

For the second time that day, I yank my hand from his grasp. "WhatEVER, Hikaru. Try not to get faggot all over me."

Hikaru laughs. "There it is again."

"There WHAT is?"

Jamming his hands in his back pockets, he saunters back towards the lunch hall. "Nothing, nothing," he calls over his shoulder.

I swear, men can be so…so INFURIATING.

Still…

I jog to catch up with him. As soon as I reach his side, I bump him with my hip. "Nee."

"Aa?"

"How about Hika-kun?"

For a moment, he doesn't say anything. Then he tosses me a grin. "So you've been holding out on us with the Japanese slangy bullcrap, Janae-tan."

"Oh, whatever." I shove him to the side.

You know, I could be totally off base, but Hikaru isn't really a bad guy.

Oh, HELL no.

He's staring at one of the cross-campus golf carts.

"No," I say immediately.

For the THIRD time today, Hikaru grabs my hand. "I think you mean YES."

"No," I insist, "I mean NO."

But it's too late, he's dragging me (against my will) to the cart.

"You're going to get expelled for this," I predict. "I'M going to get expelled for this."

He shoves me into the passenger side. "You know you waaaaaant toooooo."

Great, he's starting the engine. This is what my life has become: a questionably legal ride on a golf cart straight out of tertiary education.

Damn these Hitachiins.

-=+=-

Author's Notes: Sorry this is so long, but I felt inspired. I know I'll hit a wall eventually, but right now, I can't stop! Thank you to KitsuneHinote and have-a-cookie, who reviewed for me. I have another chapter in mind as we speak. PLEASE GUYS, this is rapidly becoming my Creative Writing assignment, give me a little feedback. And I love you all, honestly.