A/N – Not a fan of the first half of this chapter but I'm ready to get it rolled out for the next part of the story.

It was almost Thanksgiving which meant that my birthday was in a few days. Every now and again I get to have cake and turkey on my birthday. I invited you to come to my house. It was the first holiday we got to spend together as a couple. Being surrounded by all the people that I love is the greatest gift I could ever wish for. This was a "monumental" birthday because it signifies the end of adolescence. I'll officially be an adult. I'll be able to vote, go to war, make my own healthcare decisions, etc. It sounds like a big deal but honestly, I feel like a kid still and I was happy about that.

A letter arrived at my house yesterday which had my Juilliard audition date and time. It was in February which meant that if I wanted to get in, it was time to focus. I started to panic when I saw how quickly it was coming up, so I used my free period for some rehearsal time in the school's dance studio.

"There you are, I was looking all over for you." You stated, walking into the studio. "Practicing for your Cheerios audition?"

"I'm not auditioning for Cheerios for the basketball season."

"Okay…." You faltered, your eyebrows drawing together.

"I need to focus on my Juilliard audition." I clarified. "I'm so behind. This is what I was planning all along, but I've been distracted."

You froze, staring at me as your eyes studied me. "Sorry." You whispered, looking away.

Now, I feel like a jerk. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, so I turned to you.

"I just mean that after the break, I have my Juilliard audition which means that it's getting closer to graduation. We haven't talked about what's going to happen after we graduate." I explained, my heart started to beat faster. "I mean, what if I want to go to New York and you want to stay in L.A.?" I rushed out, pacing back and forth. "I don't want to break up and be away from you. I mean, what do you want to go to for school anyway?"

"Okay. Babe, calm down." you soothed, grabbing my hands. "Take a breath." I took a moment, closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply. "We don't have to figure this all out right away. We have time."

"But it feels like it's running out." I was getting upset now, and my eyes were stinging as they began to water.

"Hey." you cooed, pulling me into your arms. "Baby, I promise that you're not going anywhere without me."

That was really sweet, and I couldn't help but feel guilty. You were willing to move across the country for me because of my dream. "But I don't want you to rearrange your life for me."

"Baby, I love you and I want to support you and your dreams."

"But what about your dreams?"

"Britt, you are my dream." I sniffled and locked eyes with you. You pulled me closer to you and kissed me softly. "I know we're young, but it feels different with us. Besides, I don't know what my dreams are exactly. I just know they involve you."

I felt my eyes glossing over but it wasn't from sadness. You were scared though. Your eyes were darting around my face nervously. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm so happy." I sobbed.

"Awww." you cooed, pulling me in for a hug. "You make me so happy."

"Sorry, for freaking out," I whispered into your shoulder.

"Nothing to apologize for, babe," you assured me. "It's a big deal. I mean, this is an entirely new phase of our lives. It's good that we're talking about it." You kissed me on the temple, breaking the hug. You gave me that super sweet understanding smile when our eyes met. "Show me what you got, Pierce."

/

"Mom, can you zip me?" I asked, walking into the kitchen where my mother was peeling potatoes for Thanksgiving tomorrow.

"Sure, honey," she replied, rinsing her hands in the sink. She grabbed a towel from a drawer and dried them. "Now, there's not going to be drinking tonight is there?"

"No, mom. I learned my lesson," I rolled my eyes. "It's just Santana, Quinn, and some of the other girls on the Cheerios. We're just doing a little Friendsgiving." I explained. My mother opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off. "And yes, I'll be home tonight to help you prep for tomorrow."

My mom zipped up my dress and kissed me on the cheek. I glanced down at the table and saw my name on an envelope.

"Oh, did something else come for me?" I asked, reaching for the white envelope.

My mother moved quickly, picking up the envelope before I could get to it.

"Brittany, wait," she said softly.

"Mom, what is that?"

"Oh, honey, it's nothing," She took the envelope and hid it behind her back.

"Then why is it addressed to me?" I asked. I was really confused. My mom was avoiding eye contact with me, which was usual for her.

"Brittany, you're going to be late. It's rude to be late," she replied, changing the subject but her demeanor was making me nervous.

"What aren't you telling me?" I pressed but she waved me off. I was getting annoyed now. "What's going on?"

My mom sighed, pulling the letter from behind her back. She stared at it for a moment before handing the envelope to me. "It's from your father."

I snatched the letter from her hands and noticed that it had been opened. Now I was angry. "Did you read it?"

"Brittany… your father is a difficult man." She started but I was fuming and didn't want to hear her excuses.

"Did you read it?" I snapped.

"Yes," She admitted. "But it was just to protect you."

"I don't believe you," I growled. "Why would you hide this from me?"

"Brittany, you know what happened after Trevor-"

"Don't finish that sentence," I halted, holding up my hand to stop my mom from saying what she was about to say.

"I don't want you to get sick again."

"Well, this," I held up the envelope, "is not helping."

I stomped out of the kitchen, my eyes starting to tingle because when I get angry, I cry. I felt betrayed and all the trust issues I've ever had came bubbling to the surface. There's a reason why I've had trouble trusting you and I have to confess that it didn't have anything to do with you at all.

"Brittany, where are you going?" My mom called after me.

"Away. Don't wait up." I snarled back before slamming the front door.

I realized when I stepped outside that I hadn't grabbed my keys to my car. It was pouring outside but I wasn't about to go back inside. Equipped with my phone, I started walking. I didn't have a destination in mind. I just wanted to be anywhere but here. I thought about calling you but if I did, I'd have to explain myself. I wasn't honest with you. You were the one person that I should have told this story to, but I was weak. Here in Beverly Hills, it's common knowledge that everything was not what it seemed, and only now did I realize that because of that, I also fit into this world. If I told you the truth, you'd leave. Everyone always does eventually and it's usually because of me. I've kept this secret from you and now, I don't know if I could lock it away anymore.

I found a large tree to stand under and pulled the letter from under my sweater. The tree kept some of the rain away but as I opened the letter, the ink started to smear.

Dear Brittany,

This letter is to inform you that you are not included in my will. You stole my only son from me, and I cannot forgive you for that. Congratulations on making it to eighteen. It should've been Trevor.

-Anthony Pierce

My cheeks stung from the tears that were cascading out. I wiped my face harshly, crumbling up the letter and letting it fall to the ground.

Santana, I have a confession. I had a brother named Trevor and when I was ten, he died. It was my fault he died. My father never forgave me for it. I'm the reason he left.

…

"Thanks for helping me practice, little sis." Trevor beamed after catching the football that I threw to him.

"I'm sorry I can't throw very well." I blushed, catching the ball, and throwing it back to him. "You're going to make the team. I just know it!"

Trevor chuckled. "You've always been my biggest cheerleader."

"I just know that you're going to make it big one day."

"Speak for yourself, Miss State Champion." He winked.

It was that summer that I won first place in my age group at a dance competition for the state of Ohio. Of course, Trevor was in the front row, cheering me on as he always did. He always told me that I was special and was going to make it big, but I was ten and didn't have any plans.

"I don't know…." I shrugged.

He walked over to me and knelt down. "You're my best friend and best friends don't lie to each other. You've got something special, Brittany. Believe that. Believe in yourself." He smiled, poking me in my chest over my heart.

/

I don't know how long I walked, but it was dark out now. I shivered as the rain continued to fall on me and my dress and sweater were drenched. You called me but I didn't pick up. You were with Quinn tonight, having a Friendsgiving. I was supposed to be with you but now, I couldn't even face you.

All I wanted to do was lay down and cry and become invisible. I wanted to erase everyone's memory of me and cease to exist. I didn't want anyone to hurt because of me. Have you ever felt like you hurt so bad that you feel frozen? That's how this felt. No one was coming for me now. I was alone. I fell in love, and I fucked it up.

I stopped walking and parked myself on a bench in a park. My energy was depleted. My phone buzzed several more times. It was you again. I had several missed calls from you and now you were texting me.

Britt, where are you?

Are you okay?

Baby, you're scaring me.

I'm coming over.

You weren't going to find me. I didn't want anyone to find me. I'm pathetic. I deserve nothing.

A car was driving by, and I put my head down to avoid anyone trying to approach me. They didn't seem to notice me, and I was relieved. My phone kept ringing and buzzing. I stared at the screen as your name popped up.

Baby, please tell me where you are.

Your mom is worried.

She's talking about calling the cops.

Would the cops do anything if I was turning eighteen in a few hours? Maybe but I didn't care. Time felt like it was standing still and moving rapidly at the same time. I didn't even know how long I'd been sitting on this bench. It felt like hours but at the same time, it felt like no time had passed at all.

"Brittany!" I heard someone yell and my heart started to race but I couldn't move. "Brittany, there you are. Everyone is looking for you!"

It was Tina. I didn't expect to see her tonight. What was she doing here anyway?

"Brittany, what happened?" She asked, bending down in front of me but I was frozen.

Her phone rang a moment later.

"Hey. I found her." She spoke into the phone as she stood up. "Baker's Park. I don't know how she got here." She chattered a few more things but I was zoned out. "I'll bring her to you. Okay, see you soon."

She hung up the phone and knelt in front of me again. "Britt, come on. We need to get you inside somewhere." I didn't reply. "Britt." She said a little louder, but it sounded like we were underwater.

The next thing I knew she was putting me in her car. Her voice was muffled during the drive, and I had no idea where she was taking me. I didn't care where we went as long as it wasn't to my house. When she shut the engine off, I recognized the place. She took me to your place. My heart raced and I felt like I was going to throw up, but I was paralyzed still.

I felt her pull me from the passenger's seat and wrap her arm around my waist. We stopped at the front door and Tina let go of me for a minute before placing a key in the lock. She wrapped her arm around me again and tugged me inside.

I was so confused as to how Tina and you even got into contact with each other. Did you know each other's numbers? Did you go to Tina's house to look for me? Did you know where Tina lived? I was lost in my mind that I didn't even hear Tina speaking to me.

"We need to get you dry," Tina said, looking around for something but she'd never been to your place before and I'm sure she wasn't trying to snoop around. "Uh, how about we get you in the shower?"

I heard Tina turn the water on. I didn't want anyone to see me. Not like this. Without hesitation, I got into the shower fully clothed, sinking to the floor.

"Brittany," Tina called out, but I wanted to be left alone.

"Tina?" I heard a voice call out. It was muffled by the sound of the shower, but I'd know that voice from a thousand miles away. It was you. "What the hell happened?" I heard you say, your voice growing closer.

"I don't know, she won't talk," Tina explained.

"Okay, I've got it from here. Thank you," you responded. "Britt Britt…" you cooed, opening the shower curtain.

The sound of your voice made me cry harder and I drew my knees into my chest and curled my body around them.

"Baby, what happened?" you asked softly, crouching down. You touched my arm, but I retracted from you. I didn't want you to know what an awful person I was. I heard you rustling around for a moment before I felt you climb into the shower with me. "Talk to me."

"I can't," I stated. It was weird. I didn't even realize I said something until I said it.

"Why not?" you asked, your voice calm and gentle.

"It doesn't matter," I said blankly.

"Baby, look at me," You urged, but I just shook my head. You grasped my face with your hands, pulling me to look at you. "Brittany, look at me."

Your eyes were rimmed with red and puffy like you'd been crying. That made me feel awful. I didn't want you to cry because of me. You were scared, I could see it in your face. I had two choices; I could tell you and hope for the best or I could break your heart. Yesterday, we were talking about our future together and today, I was destroying it. I didn't want to hurt you, so I mustered the strength to speak.

"Because I lied to you. Because I'm an awful person." I sobbed, my voice cracking.

"Baby, what are you talking about?"

"My dad. He left because of me. I didn't lie about my dad having an affair and leaving after that, but something happened before that. Something bad…." I sobbed, my chest heaving up and down. "I used to have a brother and he died and it's entirely my fault."

"Britt… what?" you asked, confusion in your voice.

…

"Now, put your fingers on the laces like this." He said handing me to football and moving my fingers to the appropriate position before standing up. "When you throw it, move your wrist like this so it spins."

"Okay. Thanks, Trevor." I smiled, gripping the football with both hands.

"Alright, give me all you got," Trevor yelled as he backed up almost to the road.

I did a little running start and hurled the football as hard as I could. It went further than I thought it would, but it missed Trevor completely.

"Good effort!" He boomed, giving me a thumbs up as the football bounced into the road. "Uh-oh. I'll get it. Be right back."

Trevor jogged to the edge of the road, looking both ways since we lived on a busy street. The football landed in a bush on the other side of the road where he retrieved it. I looked down at my shoes, waiting for Trevor to return so he could help me throw better. Out of nowhere, there was a loud crashing sound and a squeal of tires. My head shot up to the road where I watched a car spin out and then flip over several times.

"Trevor." I squeaked, running closer to the road. "TREVOR!"

There was so much smoke from the engine of the car. But through the haze, in the middle of the road, lay my brother. The next part is a blur. All I remember is my father stomping over to me, grabbing me by the shoulders, and screaming "what were you thinking?"

…

"I didn't mean to throw it that far…." I choked. "I couldn't save him."

"Baby, that's not your fault. I promise that's not your fault," You cooed, your hand rubbing my forearm that was still wrapped around myself. I started shivering harder and you noticed because you adjusted the temperature of the water.

"It feels like my fault," I hiccupped. "You don't have to stay with me. I'd understand if you left me here."

"Shh… I'm not going anywhere." You said softly. "Baby, you're freezing. Please let me warm you up." You pleaded, loosening your grip on my face.

I didn't have the strength to fight. I felt like dead weight that was just lying in a catatonic state so when you sat up to unzip my dress, I didn't protest. I tried to help after a minute because once I felt my dress slide off, the water felt much warmer. I was left in my bra and underwear, and I think you were unsure of whether or not it was appropriate to take them off. Before I could think much harder about them, you spoke again.

"What happened tonight?"

"My dad," I coughed, trying to speak but between shivering and crying, it was nearly impossible. "And my mom. She's been lying to me." I tried to explain. You rested your hand on my knee and this time, I didn't pull away. "My dad wrote to me a few months ago and she never gave me the letter. But I read it tonight and it was awful. He's never changed. He's never wanted me since Trevor…. I'm just messed up right now."

"Shhh…." You cooed, rubbing my arm.

"Please don't forgive me." I wailed. "Please don't."

"Baby," you cooed, pulling me into your lap.

I straddled your hips, clinging onto you for dear life. I needed you closer to me. You were shivering, which wasn't surprising because you were still in your dress and as the water fell onto us, your dress grew cold. I found the zipper to your dress and pulled it down. You didn't deserve to sit in the cold because of me. You lifted your butt up a little so I could tug the dress off. I felt like I was hyperventilating, and you pulled me into you trying to calm me. The acoustics of the bathroom made my sobs echo.

"There's nothing to forgive, honey." You cooed. "You have to forgive yourself."

Deep down, I knew you were right. It wasn't you that needed to forgive me. It was my own self that I needed to forgive. I cried harder against you because that was all I could do. My breathing grew more ragged, and I felt like I was choking as I tried to steady myself.

"I need you." I was crying so hard that my throat was starting to hurt, and I couldn't see because the tears were falling violently out of my eyes. It was that ugly cry but I couldn't control it.

"I'm right here."

That made me cry harder. You were trying to soothe me, but I kept making myself more upset.

"Sanny…." I cried out for you.

You held me tighter, but I was inconsolable. I felt you reach behind me and unclasp my bra. You let go of me with one hand and pulled away from me for a few seconds. When you pulled me into you again, there were no barriers between us. Your bare breasts pressed against mine as your hands pressed firmly on my back, leaving no space between us. My arms wrapped around your neck, hugging you close. There was a buzzing sensation coming from you and I realized you were singing to me.

For you, there'll be no more crying
For you, the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right.

To you, I'll give the world
To you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before.

I felt myself start to calm down as the feeling of your body against mine enveloped me. I allowed myself to cling to you, to surround myself with you, to allow your touch to soothe me. My breathing started to even out and for the first time, I believed you when you said you weren't going anywhere. You were naked pressed up against me, you weren't repulsed by me. We hadn't even seen each other naked yet but you were willing to bear yourself to me to calm me. That was beautiful. It wasn't sexual. It was intimate but not sexy.

I didn't want you to let go of me. I wanted my body pressed to yours forever. We were both shivering again now that the water was getting cold. You reached behind you to shut it off. I knew we had to get out, but I didn't want you to let go.

"Come on, baby. Let's get dried off and into bed." You whispered. I whimpered and held you tighter. "I promise once we get in bed, I'll hold you all night."

"Can we stay just like this?" I asked weakly, not knowing if you understood that I meant the lack of clothes part.

"Of course, baby."

You slipped out from underneath me, grabbing my hand and pulling me up with you. Your breasts were bigger and tanner than mine. My nipples were a pink color but yours were a darker brown. They were beautiful and if I wasn't so upset right now, I probably would have more intense feelings about them. You grabbed a clean towel off of the towel holder and wrapped me up in it.

"Do you want pants?" you asked when we walked into your bedroom.

I shook my head. "Maybe just underwear," I replied before remembering that I didn't have my bag with me. "Which are in my bag in my car. I guess I'll just wear shorts."

"You have underwear here." You said matter-of-factly. I furrowed my brows for a moment as you dug into your drawer and pulled out a pair of my panties.

"Are you a pantie snatcher now?" I joked; my voice was still shaky.

You laughed, tossing the pair of panties at me. "No, silly. Anytime you leave clothes here I wash them and put them in my dresser, so you always have a clean set of clothes."

I don't know why but that makes my heart swell. The fact that you washed my clothes, so I was always prepared to stay with you, was so considerate. It made me feel a little better. I don't know what you see in me, but I love you.

I pulled on my panties and threw my towel in your laundry basket and suddenly, I felt shy standing in front of you with my breasts on display. Not only did I bear my soul to you but also my body. I felt vulnerable again and you must have sensed my change in demeanor because once you were in a pair of panties, you pulled me back into you again.

"I'm sorry for being so needy right now," I whispered sadly, deflating in your arms.

"Don't ever apologize for needing me," You said sternly before placing on my temple. "You're not being needy; you're hurting and it's my job to take your hurt away."

You were so sweet that it made me cry. I still felt unworthy, but you were slowly making the insecurities and negative thoughts float away. You held me there for a few minutes, letting me cry softly against you as you rubbed my back soothingly. Part of me wanted to crumble into you. Just fall onto the floor and let myself go again but the other part wanted to evaporate into your softness and just be still with you. The more you held me, the more the stillness comforted me. You made it clear in words and actions tonight that you weren't going to let me run away. There was hope.

When we crawled into bed, you pulled me to lay on your chest. Your skin was warm and soft, and your touch calmed me. Feeling your skin against mine made me feel really close to you and being this close to you made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I nestled my face into the crook of your neck, hiding myself from the world and only allowing you to see me. I felt so comforted and loved and safe, and I knew then that if I crumbled, you'd put me back together.

"Are you warm enough, baby?" you asked, pulling the blanket higher over us.

I nodded into your neck, squeezing you tighter. "I'm warmer than I've ever been."