Later that night…

Brian was holding a sleeping Justin in his arms. Still awake because he couldn't silence the voices in his head. Jack and Joan's cold voices telling him that he didn't deserve Justin's love and devotion. That he was poison. Twisted. Broken. Marked from birth as worthy of only contempt, if worth notice at all. Brian stared, no, gazed, at Justin, as he often did at night, caressed his face gently, and, for perhaps the thousandth time, tried to memorize every detail: every line and freckle, the feel of his skin, his scent, the sound of his breathing. Someday, these memories would be all Brian had left to sustain him.

He wondered how many times he had mercifully pushed Justin away, only to pull him back at the last moment. Brian knew, like he knew nothing else, that he would eventually need to cut Justin loose. Permanently. He was wildly self-destructive and fundamentally damaged. He destroyed everything he touched, everything he loved. But he was weak and selfish, and, although he was loathe to admit it, even to himself, although it went against every vow he, tears streaming down his face and head swimming with self-hatred and rage, had whispered in the dark as a child, he wanted Justin more than he'd ever wanted anyone or anything. Worse yet, he needed him.

When he'd told Justin that he could give him everything he wanted but that he wouldn't, he was not simply trying to goad him into leaving. He was trying to save him. Who was Brian trying to kid? He was also trying to save himself. If he didn't destroy Justin, Justin would come to despise him and then abandon him, as everyone else in his life had done. But not before breaking everything within reach. Brian had learned early on that trust and love were illusions. Traps. In allowing yourself to be truly vulnerable, you taught your so-called loved ones how to wreck you. They remembered the location of every wound, every crack in your armor, to exploit later when you were at your weakest, when it would serve them best. Brian had survived continual abuse, neglect, and abandonment by telling the world to fuck off, daring it to stick the knife in and twist it. Again and again and again. Taking sick pleasure in the sheer amount of pain he was able to endure. He would live if only to spite the world.

But Justin had complicated everything. Brian had been content to take what he wanted from others and leave. He turned to Lindsay for kindness and compassion, Mikey for adulation and acceptance, and tricks for sexual gratification. He justified this through fair exchange. Tit for tat. He gave Lindsay and Mikey his attention, as fleeting as it might be, and his tricks, pleasure beyond their wildest dreams. None would complain. Before he'd met Justin, Brian had been content. Content with what he knew he could get. Content with what he knew he had earned. But now…now he wanted things he knew were beyond his reach. Things he knew he did not deserve.

As callous as Jacob generally was, particularly with Brian, who he most often viewed as a spoiled child, he couldn't help but be moved by the fear and self-loathing plaguing the young man. Jacob, too, had demons. Nevertheless, he would need to practice some tough love with Brian. Well, tough like. In the blink of an eye, Brian disappeared from his bed and reappeared next to Jacob.

As soon as he'd rematerialized, he exclaimed, "What the fuck!"

Jacob inquired, "Did I snatch you from the wrong side of the bed?"

Brian didn't answer. He just glared.

Jacob chuckled and then asked brightly, "Have you ever seen It's a Wonderful Life?"

Brian raised an eyebrow.

Jacob and Brian were in a dark empty space. In response to Jacob's question, Brian retorted, "It's a Wonderful Life? Are you fucking kidding me? So you're an angel now?"

Flatly, Jacob replied, "No, but I have been promoted since the last time we spoke."

Brian raised an eyebrow.

Jacob shook his head. "But that doesn't matter. We're not here to talk about me…"

Brian interjected, "I told the little twat that I love him. I offered to give monogamy a try…You've done your 'job.' Shouldn't you be rattling your chains at some other sucker by now? Or with William in the dead people part of town?"

"Unfortunately, you still have some issues. If you don't deal with them soon, you'll just make a mess of things again."

Brian snapped, "Why do you even care?" He paused a moment before continuing, more calmly, "You know what, forget I asked. Let's just get this over with."

Jacob chuckled. "I'm glad you're feeling a little more cooperative tonight. Resistance is futile."

Brian smirked. "You can go anywhere and do anything, and you watch TV?"

"200 years is a long time. Besides, I find all your newfangled gadgets fascinating. So let's get this show on the road. We don't have much time."

Jacob waved his hand and a swirling grey cloud appeared before them. It grew in height and width until it formed a wall. Then it disappeared. In its place stood Mikey and Tracy. They were eating dinner with Debbie and Vic in Debbie's kitchen.

Brian exclaimed, "What the hell? Why is Tracy at Deb's house?"

Jacob replied matter-of-factly, "You were never born. You weren't there to out Michael at work, to encourage him to pursue David, to help him raise enough money to start his own business, or to help Deb and Vic financially. He always had to shoulder that burden alone. So he did what it took to get promotions at work. He married Tracy."

Brian was shocked to the core. He gaped at this version of Mikey, his eyes wide. Incredulously, he cried, "Mikey was always willing to lie a little to make his life easier, but he would never have made his entire life a lie!"

Jacob corrected Brian, "He never would have done that if you'd been there…if he'd witnessed your courage and wished to emulate it."

Mikey smiled and kissed Tracy on the cheek. Then he left.

"Where is he going?"

"Can't you see how pregnant Tracy is? He's going back to work. He's up for another promotion, one he desperately needs to support his growing family, so he's being as much of a 'team player' as he can. Volunteering for jobs no other manager wants."

Brian shook his head and looked down. "I can't watch anymore."

"Onto the next then…"

Brian looked up just in time to see Jacob wave his hand again. The grey cloud reappeared and swirled and then grew, as before, eventually revealing a different scene. Ted was lying in a hospital bed, comatose. Emmett was sitting by Ted's bedside, sobbing, and Ted's mother stood behind him dabbing tears from her eyes with a handkerchief. Then a doctor entered the room. He asked Emmett a question Brian couldn't hear what it was. In response, Emmett drew himself up and nodded firmly, though his pallor indicated that he was less sure than his answer would suggest. The doctor nodded solemnly and turned Ted's respirator off. Ted's mother, Emmett, and the doctor watched Ted for a minute or two. Both Emmett and Ted's mother fought tears as they mentally implored Ted to breathe on his own. Suddenly, the doctor looked up. The machine monitoring Ted's heart rate was beeping. Brian couldn't hear the sounds, but he saw the line representing Ted's heartbeat slow and then stop. Ted's mother fainted from the shock, and Emmett doubled over, sobbing.

Brian cried out, "This isn't possible. Ted woke up from his coma!"

Jacob informed Brian coldly, "He would have if you'd been there. Your struggle with your own mortality gave Ted the time he needed to recover. Emmett, being less stubborn and less self-involved and thus more susceptible to pressure from others to 'end Ted's misery,' told the doctor to pull the plug, just a couple of hours before he would have awakened."

Brian clenched his jaw and looked down. When he lifted his eyes, another scene had already begun to unfold. Brian saw Emmett again, but, now, he was waiting at an altar in a church.

Brian exclaimed, "What the hell?"

Jacob raised his hands helplessly. "Without Ted and Michael around to talk some sense into Emmett after his HIV scare, he continued to attend his See the Light meetings. With nothing to counteract the brainwashing, Emmett ended up believing that his maker wanted him to become a heterosexual, take a wife, and then be fruitful and multiply. So he proposed to the lesbian he was paired with at See the Light. Here comes the blushing bride now."

The 'former' lesbian walked stiffly down the aisle, her eyes dull and lifeless. Beside her, a man, probably her father, beamed. Emmett watched his 'beloved' sadly from the altar. He clearly cared about her, but he looked like he'd just been sentenced to life imprisonment.

Brian turned away in disgust. When Jacob said, "Last but not least…," Brian couldn't bring himself to turn back. He'd been convinced, since day one, that Justin would have been better off if they'd never met. But he didn't know that for sure. Until then, it had just been a sneaking suspicion. A huge part of him wanted to learn that that suspicion was unfounded. If it were not…he couldn't even imagine how he would feel. It was one thing to tell himself that he would someday need to let Justin go because he was probably bad for him. But if he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this was true, this "someday…probably" would quickly become real. Suddenly, Brian felt an ache in his heart so painful that he couldn't breathe. Brian had never before felt the full impact of losing Justin. Even when he pushed him away, he felt sure that they weren't quite done. But in a few minutes, they could be. How could he claim to love Justin while holding onto him if he knew for sure that Justin would be happier without him?

Brian clenched his fists and looked up. He had to know. Jacob observed Brian closely. Even after learning of the terrible fates Mikey, Ted, and Emmett would have suffered if he had not been born and knowing that these scenes weren't real, just possibilities that would never come to be, still, he wasn't sure Brian could handle this final scene. As soon as the swirling grey mass disappeared, Brian paled. He looked stricken. Watching this scene, he was reliving his worst nightmare. He looked on helplessly as Justin and Daphne left the prom. They were talking and laughing as they walked through the parking garage. They must have left early because no other teenagers were trailing behind. Suddenly, Chris Hobbs emerged from the shadows wielding a baseball bat. Neither Daphne nor Justin saw him coming. A moment later, Justin was lying on the ground bleeding. Brian flinched when the baseball bat made contact with Justin's skull. Daphne tried to fight Hobbs off, but he was too strong. He pushed her away roughly, so roughly that she flew several feet, hit her head on a metal beam, and lost consciousness. With no one else around and Justin lying helpless on the cold cement, already beginning to fade, Hobbs didn't stop with one swing. He landed blow after blow on Justin's skull…until…Brian couldn't even think it. When Hobbs dropped the bat and ran, Brian fell to his knees and vomited. Then he covered his eyes. He made no sound, but his body shook from the force of his sobs.

Jacob had expected this, so he simply waited, though he looked at the young man compassionately. When Brian had recovered somewhat, he stood up. He was no longer crying, but he was still a little unsteady on his feet. After a couple minutes of silence, Brian confessed, his voice husky with emotion, "I thought it was me. Everyone did. Everyone thought that I'd made him a target. Everyone but Justin."

Jacob responded softly, "Justin was right. With or without you in his life, he was destined to have some type of sexual experience with Hobbs. And Justin being who he is, at his very core a courageous and honest person, he was destined to simply be himself, without hiding, without shame. That is what made Hobbs target him. Not you or anything you did. If you hadn't been there, Justin would have died alone in that parking garage. Without you, he would have had no future at all."

Jacob waved his hand once more and then said, "Let's take a look at a different possibility…"

Brian steeled himself.

"If you continue on the path you've been treading for the last two years, continuing to push Justin away, this is the most likely outcome."

Brian saw an older Justin sitting in a small office. A framed picture of Justin and a man Brian didn't recognize sat on the desk. In it, Justin was smiling, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Justin opened the bottom right drawer of his desk and pulled out an unframed picture, a bottle of scotch, and a glass. The picture was slightly wrinkled and faded, as though it had been handled many times over the years. It depicted Justin and Brian at the GLC art show, Brian with his arm around a brightly smiling Justin. Justin poured himself a tumbler of scotch and then sipped it as he stared at the picture. After he'd finished the glass, he whispered (this time Brian could hear what was spoken), his voice full of unshed tears, "Happy Birthday, Brian." Then he placed the items back in the drawer, locked up the office, and left.

Brian stammered, "I…I don't understand."

Jacob explained, "If you keep pushing Justin away, he will eventually leave you for good. Then while you indulge much more heavily in drugs and anonymous sex than ever before, Justin will go from one relationship to another, each a failure, each short lived. He will only really commit after your 'accidental' overdose. Before then, even though he will not know it, he'll be waiting for you. After your death, Justin will lose what little inspiration he has left and stop painting for good. That will coincide with his father's death. He'll take that as a sign that he should run the store. That's where he was. After committing to the man in the picture, he'll only permit himself to think about you on your birthday. He'll look at that picture of the two of you and allow himself to become conscious of how much he misses you, how much he still loves you, the feelings that usually only surface in his dreams. The rest of the year, he's dead inside."

Brian felt a horrible ache in his chest. He blinked back tears and asked, his voice breaking, "And if I don't? Then what?"

Jacob shrugged. "There are many possibilities. But rest assured that the two I showed you are not among them. What I hope you'll take from this is that Justin will be happier and more successful with you in his life. He needs you as much as you need him."