Chapter 3: 'Bros' Before 'Hoes'
Genesis POV
Believe me, I LOVE my personal life and all it's spontaneousness , but I'm not the horn dog I might have made myself to be!
Sometimes, I just want to go home and sleep after work. Other times, a nice movie or night at the theater is what I need. My ass is not always plugged. Before I even think about going out for the night, I usually call Angeal to see how he's doing.
Granted, Angeal's time now has to be split between work, me (which should be the larger chunk), and his precious human puppy, Zackary.
Happily, however, he always manages to make time for me if he's not doing either one of those things. We go out to eat, drink, and sometimes party and I make it a point not to flirt with him or other men during this time. It's all about the two of us, no one else. We've been together since the beginning and I plan for him to be with me until the end.
However… like all great friendships, things tend to get in the way.
People try and pry you apart, and you fight to stay together throughout the hard times.
When it comes to me and Angeal, there was nothing that could possibly come between our mutual understandings of each other… until Zack came into Angeal's life. And by all means, I appreciate Zack for what he's been doing with Angeal and giving him the affection that Angeal seeks, but it's become apparent that Zack is all that Angeal thinks of now-a-days. He talks on and on of what they've done and where they've been and has begun to dominate our conversations.
And I'm forced to listen to this lovey-dovey chatter.
Before Zack came into my friend's life, our understanding was to keep issues of this thing called love out of conversation and I'd never bring up my delicious lifestyle to Angeal.
It's that understanding that makes things so wonderful and why I'd rather be with Angeal at times than my gentleman callers. But as I sit with my beloved friend and listen to him speak of how content and happy he's become since becoming Zack's partner, I can only stare –and sometimes glare- at the man I care about.
He bluntly breaks our unspoken rule and it's like a faithful Christian talking about their new-found religion to an atheist who could care less of their words and would probably remove themselves from the immediately area. But being his friend, I'm stuck to the booth/chair forced to politely listen to this man talk about his new life…
Love…
It doesn't exist, just like to an atheist, there is no god. It simply isn't there. It's an illusion created by the brain activity of man that makes him lust upon the object of choice.
It can last for days, weeks, months, and even years, but eventually, it'll fade. It's why men and women say they 'fall out of love'. It was never there to begin with, but soon, they find another handsome significant other and are back 'in love' again.
I wish no ill will towards my best friend Angeal, but… I just know that sooner of later, one of them will get tired of the other and their so called love will show itself for the illusion that it was all along.
But I don't tell Angeal this.
It's part of our unspoken rule; the atheist does not speak of how god does not exist to their counterpart. They don't tell them that there is no heaven or hell or how when they die, they'll simply rot in the ground with their tombstone slowly fading with the millions of others among them. That's cruel and inhuman to crush someone's belief.
But so is pushing your own belief onto others.
Please Angeal… please, stop… please, j-just…
...stop... Angeal...
...please... PLEASE!
"Stop!"
My friend looks at me in wonder, surprised by my outburst, as well as our waiter, who smartly walks away even though she was merely presenting the bill.
"Just… stop talking about him, Angeal. I don't care to hear it..."
Once he realizes what he's finally been putting me through, the guilt is clear in his face. It's so potent, I look to my lap.
"I'm sorry…"
He's sorry… heh, from a person looking in, I'm sure they'd say that I should be sorry for making a man feel guilty for being in something SO wonderful such as love. Shouldn't I be the guilty one?
Shouldn't I be the one to comfort my -now shaken- friend after stopping him in the height of his happiness? I can not say; I was brought up with my own interests at heart, never the interests of another. It's a miracle that I have one friend in my life that accepts my very semi-selfish nature.
"No Angeal… I'm sorry. S-so… what are you and him doing tomorrow night? You were saying something about that before I interrupted you."
Angeal looks at me in disbelieve that I'd willingly break our unspoken rule. This one time, I allow Angeal to carry on his conversation of his newly found lease on life while I merely listen with a halfhearted smile. Still, we're equal friends, and he soon stops and –in a surprising change of events- says:
"Soo… you were limping into work this morning. How big was he?"
My friendly relationship with Angeal has just reached a new level. No longer is the Christian simply talking of god, but asking the atheist about the universe and the earth and its natural properties while the atheist asks about genesis and the Apocalypse and the one called Messiah. And with that, our lovely evening continued.
"Quite big, actually. The condom broke and…"
And my own height of happiness started its gradual ascent.
Our night ended with a friendly kiss to the cheek and I go inside my apartment. I slightly hurry and go inside in order to watch Angeal head down the sidewalk. Most likely to go to his own home where an eager puppy awaits his return. I usually wouldn't be bothered by this little fact but… it seems to tear at my chest.
What is this feeling? It's so alien and painful… I can't put a name to it. Unless it's that thing called…
"Jealousy?"
No! I can't be jealous of Angeal's relationship.
There's no such thing as love; why be jealous over something that's non existent. Or maybe… I'm jealous that Angeal can fit himself within that illusion world, where I purposely put my self out of it to the point that I can never enter. Do I wish to live in delirium along with my best friend to experience this falsified world where anyone can fall in love?
It's kinda like wanting to try a new drug.
Your friend's done it and now you want to try it. You want to try and to enter an unknown and previously avoided world. It's simply never occurred to me that I felt this way until now. I didn't feel this way when Angeal was with Sephiroth… but now that he's in this new -seemingly more passionate and real- relationship with Zackary… I…
...I...
"Time for bed…"
I'll meditate on it with my beloved sex-savvy dream Sephiroth while wishing he would quit invading my dreams.