Gathering of the Senseless
Genesis POV
Story rated for a reason, keep that in mind
It's been 21 days, 13 hours, 12 minutes and… 34 seconds since I last, and pardon my French, had any, if you catch my slang.
The past few weeks have either been a revelation of one who's turned over a new faith, or a foolish addict trying to go cold turkey. Either way, it's not an easy process for someone as wily as me to suddenly stop the nightly ritual of finding sexual partners.
Even now, I count every step I take of when I haven't dove into the regular euphoria of spontaneous sex. It's… it's brought a whole new definition to the term 'blue balls'.
I can't even get off on myself and the various… presents that I have accumulated over the years. None of them work to curve this hunger for flesh I need inside me. No plastics can replace the real thing. It's gotten so bad that I've had to make up excuses to keep away from the training grounds, which is where I'm stationed in teaching 3rd class SOLDIERs. Just seeing all of those young sweating bodies for the morning sun to see is too much for my lustful gaze and I usually find a way to leave early or dissapear all together, leaving Angeal in charge.
So it's finally happened... my private problems have managed to pry into my job, something I tried so hard to avoid.
…nnn…
…So hard…
…Soooo hard… I can't even say those two words together without winching. My usually flawless stride has turned to baby steps over my degradation. My crotch is in an eternal state of censored climax; it's as if someone's clasped the tightest of locks around my poor organ and purposely lost the key.
Someone… that certain someone would be Sephiroth.
Fucking bastard…
While I slowly die inside myself, I continue to see him, in tip top condition, having no shame that his flawlessness comes from the sexual energy of others.
I was once like that. But I'd rather die right now than to pick up where I left off. I still don't believe in love, but I don't believe in spontaneous sex any longer. And, as hard as it is (soooo veery haard), I'm opting to just rely on my toys; at least they give me some relief. Besides, every day that I glance up at that silver demon, I'm reminded of what NOT to be.
But in the back of my mind, I'm reminded of what I could be having… what amazing sex I'm missing out on, what I turned down out of some sense of justice, pride, and self-restraint.
But who's the one hurting right now? I am…
Maybe I should… NO! No… no matter what, I will not lay with anyone. Anyone…
"I need a shower…"
Ducking from the training grounds underneath Angeal's supervision, I slink back into Junon SOLDIER headquarters. Heading to the basement locker rooms, I strip myself of my leather and armor, folding it neatly before placing it in an unoccupied locker. The icy cool flooring went straight into my feet and chilled my spine. It was refreshing to my heated skin…
It did nothing for little Genny, but make him cranky.
"Shower…"
Stepping lightly, I snatched a towel and scuttled into the public shower rooms. I smartly choose this exact moment when all the recruits were under Angeal's call. No one to take advantage of poor Genesis and his oversensitive body.
Oooh… the rain of water feels positively delightful over my skin! Neither too cold nor hot; either one would drive me crazy. As I pick up a washrag from a pile, I realize I'm probably too sensitive to touch myself to wash.
It'll only add to my torment.
Oh boy… I guess just the rinse will have to do.
Hanging up the rag, I opt to just stand there underneath the fast spray of warm water. It's helping… it's helping. I hold myself, embracing the water and its temporary relief.
"Sooo good…"
"I can make it feel better…"
Oh no… no…!
Snapping my head around –that'll hurt later on, I'm sure- my eyes quiver about the quiet public showers, trying to disprove my brain's claim that I'd heard someone… and not just someone… HIM.
What's more, is that little Genny's MORE than happy towards the possibility of someone to touch him… stop it…
Aaaah… so hard… I have to touch you myself, little Genny. Sephiroth is NOT an option… even if he might be around. Slipping a finger in my mouth, I surprise myself by how loudly I moan to the touch of my own hand. Of course, I've been masturbating since I took my weird vow of celibacy… however, I've realized JUST how sensitive I've become from the lack of touch…
…Lack of attention.
I tease myself and remain hidden from the rest of world, trying my hardest to keep away from the path of a monster. But how can you stop a monster from being a monster? How can the monster tame itself when it knows nothing else.
"Aaaahhh…!"
I don't care anymore! I need release! I need touch! I need someone's soul! I need it like no other!
But little Genny simply won't cry by my hand alone. He needs someone else… and his stubbornness causes tears to weal into my eyes.
" It hurts…"
I slink upon the tile flooring of the shower stale, my body nearing hyperventilation. Every little movement is painful by now.
"It hurts so badly…"
"It won't hurt for long…"
What?!
Who is that?!
Willing myself back to my feet, I slide my sole across the slippery surface in order to seek out, what could be, a potential partner, little Genny leading the way with each throb.
But what beholds me around the corner is a mask of warm steam and a flash of spikey hair, blonde and black. I almost growl in irritation of the discovery; it was merely Zackary and his new jail-bait of a friend…
…wait… WHAT?!
Do a double take, I peer through the steam to verify myself and it is indeed Zack and Cloud in a shameless runt. It's enough to make me run lax in the groin and for all pleasure to bleed from my pores. All the blood that was once between my legs has boiled into my head in grand fury.
How could you do this Zack?
Not you too…
Angeal… where are you?
But wait…
No… should I tell him?
Should I squeal?
…but the hurt…
He'll be hurt again. I can't--
I can't make him hurt again
I can prevent it
I can keep this a secret. I can keep it under lock and key.
I have to protect my friend from harm again.
I have to protect him from heartbreak…
…heart break…
.. but there is no such thing as an emotional heart.
So Angeal has nothing to fear.
…but he does. He does!
He's been betrayed again! He must know!
No! It must be kept a secret!
Why?
Because… he's in love with Zack
But there is no such thing as love!
"But there is to Angeal!"
"Who's there?!"
"What?! Someone's there!"
…
…
It's been 22 days and 15 hours since I last had any, and 24 hours since I have not desired any.
Toyed with the placement of words and the rapidness of the chapter to give it a feel of being hazy, lost, and confused. Mght experiment like this again, but I doubt I'll do it again for this story. Thanks for your reivews. Always appreciate them