Translation
Genesis POV

A smart man knows when to close his mouth and the fool continuously blabbers. For me, I've been struggling between being a smart man and a gossiping idiot. This struggle has dragged it self into the ground for a week…all while I try and maintain my sexless lifestyle.

But it's taking a toll on my performance and health.

I've gotten more sluggish and paler than my greenhorn admirers care to see. Friends and acquaintances have pleaded for me to take a day off, but for some reason, I just refused to do so. I don't understand myself to that degree and its just more evidence of my degeneration of character.

The old me would have jumped at the opportunity to take a day off if it meant having a jump start on the night life, but this new me –this asexual me- cares nothing for going out. I can't even will myself to go get a drink without being tempted by every other man around me... and becoming disgusted by them. And Angeal… oh my precious friend Angeal.

I see him everyday on the day, but I haven't been able to so much as hold a conversation with him. In my current mental state, I wouldn't be able to sustain my seal of secrecy of what… that boy has done to his trust. Whenever I'm in his presence for more than ten seconds, I feel the waterworks in my eyes start to malfunction and I cut our time together short to pull myself together. If was from Angeal first that the pleas to stay home and rest started.

However, I'm finally pushed by the traitor himself, Zack, to take my sick days and run with them. Perhaps I agreed with him because of the sickening knot that formed in my stomach when he came near and I just wanted to get away. However Zack managed, he persuaded me to rest.

And so here I lounge in my living room chair, adjusted to prop up my feet.

One of my arms is haphazardly slung over my eyes to block the morning window seal light beaming in my face. I haven't bothered to do much of anything since taking my sick days, not even think. Thinking only hurts and leads my mind into depths I wish not to see. Those depths involve my growing sexual pleasures, Angeal and how he's fairing without the knowledge of his lover's betrayal, and Zack himself.

Zackary Fair.

No matter how many times I replay that fateful scene in the shower, I can't break myself to hate that young man. Not even his blonde jail-bait friend whose name escapes me right now. Over and over I run it through, trying to find a miss step in my conclusion; did I jump onto it too soon? Maybe something else was going on. Maybe soap was dropped? Maybe a training wound was being treated?

A sore shoulder? A dislocated knee cap?

But no matter how many times my mako-perfected mind processes the scene, I vividly recall everything: peering past the steam and make out penetration of the flesh, hearing a soft moan coming from a 15 year old boy, and spotting an enthralled 17 year old that looked pressed for time.

I've seen enough in my sex-capades to known a 'quick one' when I see one. But despite my clarification… I can not maintain anger with the young man.

Why is that?

It's not that I forgive him –not by a long shot- but maybe it's my intuition telling me that something else was going on. Yes, it looked like sex, but maybe it was something else; something more to the story that I ran away from. But even if I have a suspicion, I can't bring myself to ask. In my current state, my scattered thoughts would directly translate to my mouth and I'd go down a path that I most likely wouldn't be able to turn back from.

No… I can't speak to anyone on how I feel until I'm certain of how I'm feeling.

And I'm not just talking about my chronic horniness. Ever since that encounter with Sephiroth, my whole outlook has been reset, as if wiped clean by a traumatizing event too painful to bring up.

That kiss from Sephiroth… it was… indescribable.

Maybe it was the mixture of his words, his presence, and the alcohol, but in that very moment when our lips locked, I desired nothing else but more. I needed more, craved for more, wanted to beg for more, but reframed out of some sense of nobility, pride, and knowledge of the man's past with my friend.

And the more I think about that kiss, the more that I feel my face flush shamelessly, yet not arousingly. This in itself is… surprising. Kisses, to me, usually mean the beginning of a sexually encounter. If a man manages to get a kiss out of me, he's just caught my attention for the night. But with Sephiroth…

…with Sephiroth…

I didn't want sex. I know my body thought it wasn't sex from Sephiroth, but that was quite the lie. I just wanted more of his touch. I wanted Sephiroth to touch me more, to kiss me more, to keep talking to me, even if what he was saying was a painfully obvious reflection of what I used to think. I just wanted…

…more of Sephiroth.

Arguably, to most people, Sephiroth IS sex, so maybe I was craving the equality of sex. Perhaps…

I'm still stunned to the fact that I really didn't want sex from Sephiroth that night. I just wanted more of his being. I've never wanted a man like that… I didn't just want him inside me… I wanted him to merge with me. To become a part of me. And I wanted to become a part of him, to fill in the cracks of his persona and make him that much more gorgeous.

"I wanted… him."

I sigh heavily and sit up from my arm chair, the clicking of heavy boots alerting me to someone approaching the door to my penthouse. Sliding my bare feet to the door, I wait until that someone politely knocks to answer it, my eyes glazed to the floor.

"Good morning Gen. I brought you something sweet."

I move my gaze from his black boots, up his jean clad legs, along his skin tight sleeveless shirt, and into the eyes of my best friend Angeal, whom had a small box of my favorite doughnuts.

"You should thank me; I had to go through a lot to steal these from the office. Heidegger usually hoards these as soon as their delivered in the mornings. Well, you going to let me in?"

"U-ummm… yes, sure." Get yourself together, Genesis… don't break down.

Stepping to the side, Angeal removes his shoes and heads to the kitchen in order to wash his hands and put some doughnuts on a napkin for me. All while I watch motionlessly from the kitchen entrance, holding one of my arms. Angeal… he always does this for me whenever I'm feeling down. He'd go out and get something precious that I enjoyed and then hold me until I eventually cried or told him what was wrong. It's a wonder why I have yet to feel… this love thing towards Angeal. He treats me like royalty sometimes and I hardly deserve it.

"Angeal… aren't you suppose to be at work right now?"

"Not yet, at least," he replies, walking up to me with the two doughnuts on the napkin. "I'm taking this hour to spend with you. I haven't seen you in a week and I was worried about you."

Wrapping one of those strong arms around my back, I nearly quiver. From delight maybe? Or sensitivity… or just happiness that someone's near enough to hug.

He guides us back to the couches, sitting down on the love couch that faces away from one of the windows in the living room. I take the doughnuts and start to eat slowly, Angeal watching me with that soft… tender smile.

That friendly, oblivious smile.
That naïve and innocent smile.
Monsters shouldn't get smiles; they don't deserve them.

I can't take it anymore...

And, as predicted, I let my tears flow after finishing the doughnuts, my body racking with shivers. The more I tried to will the tears away, the more that came and the more I sobbed. In my deepening sorrow, I felt the warmth of my friend's arms coddle me close like a newborn pulling me into his lap and resting his stubbly chin in my hair.

I don't know how long I cried. Maybe this was the cry I needed to get out all my feelings of anger, frustration, and sexual longing. This was the cry that will flush away all my emotion stress and renew me. But as soon as Angeal spoke, I simply cried even more. What's come over me?

"Gen… Gen it's okay… please tell me what's gotten you so upset." He purred with my hair, nuzzling it as if I were a whimpering puppy.

Angeal and his puppy fetishes…
But I can't help but whimper in response. Have I grown so hapless that I can't even speak to my best friend?

"Gen… please… talk to me. I'm so worried."

Please… don't ask me to say it…

"You've been so gloomy and your usual glow has all but disappeared…"

I can't break the news to you like this…

"... now your health is starting to worry me."

You're my pure angel, my friend, my leverage, my hope… I can't taint you…

"Genesis. What's going on in your head?"

No… no, don't say it… "I-i…"

"Yes?"

No!!!

"Zack's cheating on you…"

I clenched my waterlogged eyes closed as tightly as possible, freezing up in Angeal's embrace. I prepared myself for those strong arms to stiffen and grow limp around me. I awaited the empty gaze to develop within Angeal's gorgeous eyes. I shocked myself for the deterioration of my beloved friend…

...but all that assaulted my sharpened senses was a tender, cheerful, and relieved laugh.

"W.. what?"

"O-oh, Genesis!" he laughed… and laughed and laughed, holding me closer to his being like teddy bear, much to my dismay and embarrassment. I even struggled a bit, getting out of his hug and back upon the couch.

"W-what's so funny?" I mustered, wiping the tears from my eyes. "You're not upset, or the least bit worried about what I've said?"

"Why would I be, Genesis?"

"W-what?!" Now I'm confused. My emotions are on my sleeve by now, so Angeal must now be laughing at my confusion. "W-will you stop laughing and explain to me what's going on! I was worried sick about you and your feelings if you found out, and you're just laughing it off like it's nothing!"

"Well, that's because I already know about Zack's little 'romps'. What you call 'cheating' I call 'expansion'."

Okay… now I'm really confused.

Angeal's deep voice rumbled in his chest with an inside laugh. "It's like this, Genesis: Zack and I have a very… open relationship. We know that we're only men and men become aroused at the most random of times, so a spontaneous partner here and there doesn't hurt our relationship at all. We know we love each other and that's all that matters."

I still my mouth, continuing to listen to my friend.

"A month ago, Zack told me that he'd scored with this young blonde named Cloud Strife. I asked him about it and then he told me that he stopped because he heard grunting and moaning from the separate shower. I first, I thought nothing of it, but I started to believe it might had been you in that shower since a month ago is when you started to act funny."

I soaked in this information like a sponge, replacing my assumptions with facts and my emotional battles started to cease immediately. However... that didn't mean I was still a bit confused with the whole 'open relationship' piece. MY Angeal... partook in spontaneous sex? MY Angeal? MY innocent, country boy, Angeal?

"S-so, let me get this straight… you—"

"Uh huh."

"—and Zack—"

"Uh huh."

"Aren't… exclusive to each other?"

"Nope."

"B-but… isn't that what love is?"

"Pardon me…?"

I look down at my lap, like a shy boy asking 'where babies come from'. Angeal, his eyes widened in surprise, took a while to response to my declaration.

"So… you've… been thinking a lot haven't you?"

"Yes…"

"Something… else you want to talk to me about, Genesis?"

Well… it's now or never. If I don't get these feelings out into the open for someone to interpret, they'll simply cycle in my head again and again and again, never to be truly understood. So…

…I start from the beginning.

I start from my usual evening that month ago, to seeing Sephiroth, to kissing me, touching him, to Sephiroth speaking to me and telling me things that I –myself- had once believed in without a second thought. I told my best friend my inner most thoughts of how wrong I'd been with my sex life and how…despicable it was. I don't take a breath, not once, not even to explain how I haven't had sex since seeing Sephiroth in that rave.

I lay it all on the table for my best friend to analyze and interpret. I put it in his hands. And within a few minutes of rubbing his chin, he looks back at me with an understanding smile.

"So… you're in love with Sephiroth."

That… wasn't the interpretation I was expecting.