(Author's note: This chapter contains sensitive topics that may be upsetting to some. There are mentions of referenced/implied torture, as well as child slavery, child abuse, and child sexual abuse. None of these mentions are graphic, but I imagine that may still be difficiult or uncomfortable for some. If you don't want to read the chapter itself, please feel free to message me and I will provide a summary version of the chapter without mention of the sensitive topics so you can stay updated on the story. Thanks for understanding, and thanks for reading.)
As medics wheeled the stretcher out of the interview room, Shepard followed close behind and stepped out onto the corridor, watching with a heavy heart as they rushed the girl's unconscious, skeletal form to where their emergency vehicle was waiting on standby. It felt like a very bittersweet resolution. Not a bad ending.. but by no means a happy one either.
Now that she was finally alone, Shepard slumped back against the wall like a deflating balloon, hearing the girl's words whirling round and around in her head.
"She remembers one like you too. The white.. she remembers the white. But she was.. smaller. She.. she made magic.. the butterflies.."
I'm sorry, she thought, burying her face in her hands. I'm so, so sorry.
"..there was another one too. The same, but.. not the same. And the vault.. she remembers that. They were treasures.."
Oh god.. please forgive me. Aar-
"..Eva?"
Her head snapped up at the sound of the familiar voice, both comforted and relieved by the sight of her father figure making his way down the long stretch of hallway towards her. Pulling herself together, she pushed off of the wall and headed over to meet him, hoping she could at least keep her shit together until she was safely behind closed doors.
"It's done," she told him, forcing down the emotional crack in her voice. "Her, uh.. her name's Talitha.. I couldn't get her last name. The medics are taking her now to have her injuries seen to."
"Yeah, I just got off the phone with Girard," he replied. "Told him I'd head over to Huerta to keep an eye on things. How's she doing?"
Images of Talitha flooded her mind. The bruises and scars that covered her frail, battered frame. The raw wound at the base of her skull from the chip that had only been recently removed. The tell-tale bruising of a slaver's collar still heavily imprinted on her neck. Terrible and horrific as these things most assuredly were, they paled in comparison to the immense level of psychological trauma she'd endured. Barely nineteen years old and she'd already been dealt more than a lifetime's worth of punishment. It was unforgivable. Fucking abhorrent.
"About as well as could be expected of someone who's spent the past thirteen years being physically and mentally tortured on a daily basis," she said, both saddened and enraged by it. "She's been through hell and back, Pops. And then some. It's gonna take a long time before she's ready to even think about unpacking all of that."
Sympathy wrote itself across his features. After a decade of working closely with so many others like Talitha, he was well aware of the brutal horrors she'd likely been submitted to over the years. Saw first-hand the irreparable damage it could do.
"I'm sure you're right," he sighed. "But she'll be well taken care of from here on out. There's a place for her at the clinic for however long she needs it, they're getting her room set up as we speak."
It was a relief to hear. Right now, Talitha was in an incredibly vulnerable state. The moment she'd agreed to take that sedative, she made the conscious choice to try and start again. Overcome her past and begin her life anew. Shepard truly admired her bravery for making that decision. But it was going to take immeasurable amounts of time, patience and perseverance for her to get there. Without a strong support network in place, she wouldn't stand a chance. So knowing she was going to be in the safe, capable hands of the Liberty Association was something Shepard could take solace in. Under their care, she genuinely could have a real shot at a fresh start in life.
"In that case.. I'd like to be her sponsor," she said, absently running her fingers along the hem of her collar. "I'll foot the bill for whatever she needs; food, clothes, therapy, a place to stay.. doesn't matter what it is, I'll take care of it."
"Eva, you don't need to do that. You've already done more than enough by coming here to help her today. I know it won't have been easy for you."
God, she wished she could tell him just how right he was. Tell him everything that happened back there. But as soon as that door opens, there'll be no closing it again until all of the emotions she was struggling to contain came pouring out of it like a tidal wave. Guilt. Grief. Anger.
..shame.
"This isn't about me," she dismissed, pushing the thoughts to the farthest reaches of her mind. "Talitha's gonna need all the help she can get, and I have the means to make sure she does. So let me help. Then you can put the funding she would've had to help the next person who needs it."
He laughed softly, having learned well enough over the years that there was no dissuading her when she'd set her mind to something.
"..if that's what you want, I suppose I can't stop you," he said. "You'll be able to pay her a visit once she's had some time to settle in, I'm sure she'll be glad to see a familiar face."
She winced a little, his words unknowingly reinforcing everything she was desperately trying to suppress.
"She remembers one like you too. The white.. she remembers the white."
"..yeah," she said quietly, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Good idea. I'll, uh.. I'll be sure to-"
B-beep. B-beep. B-beep.
He grumbled at the interruption, frowning at the blinking, orange glow now flickering at his wrist. If it were anything else, she knew he would've simply ignored it. But that shrill noise was the default alert that resounded whenever an incoming message had been marked as 'urgent' by its sender.
"Sorry, kiddo," he said, casting her an apologetic look. "Just hold that thought for a moment, hmm?"
"Mhmm," she hummed, nodding softly. "No problem."
As he read the message through, she watched his greying brows draw together, his softened features quickly overcome with a sudden seriousness.
"..what's going on?" she asked, concerned. "Is it Talitha? Is she okay?"
"It's from the doctor they've assigned to her care," he mused, still focused on the screen. "They're recommending that she stay in a private room instead of the public ward. They think she'll be more accepting to treatment if she's in a more isolated environment.."
She thought about how shaken up and erratic Talitha acted in the midst of their confrontation. How she was trembling so much she could barely keep hold of the pistol she'd stolen from the rookie officer who first brought her in. How she damn near jumped out of her skin the first couple of times Shepard so much as tried to take small steps towards her.
"I think they're probably right," she said solemnly. "Based on what I saw, I think a public ward might be too overwhelming for her.. at least for the time being."
"Mm, I think so too," he agreed. "They just need me to meet with them to sign off on it before they can go ahead."
"Then you probably oughta get going, right? Can't imagine it'll take them very long to get there."
"..yeah," he sighed. "I'm afraid so."
Crestfallen, he powered down his Omni-Tool and settled a gentle hand on her shoulder, a rueful look in his kind, hazel eyes.
"I'm sorry, kiddo. I was hoping I'd have more time to check in with you before all of this got underway," he said regretfully. "Are you gonna be alright if I go?"
Christ, she wasn't anywhere near alright. So far, she'd been doing a pretty good job of putting on a brave face. Setting aside her own painful associations that stemmed from this whole ordeal in order to focus on the task at hand. But that's precisely what it was. A mask. An illusion meant to trick her own mind, if only temporarily, whilst also reassuring his. Because she knew better than anyone just how much Talitha needed someone like him right now.. just as she had all those years ago.
In the past, it's true that she would have dreaded the prospect of having to face these next few hours alone. But.. things were different now. And as she looked into the concerned eyes staring back at her, she realised then that it wasn't his comfort she needed. All she wanted, all she could think about, was Garrus. The one who accepted her in spite of her flaws, her quirks and insecurities. Cared for her even when she felt she wasn't worthy of it. Pulled her in every time she unconsciously tried to push him away. Made her feel safe, adamant to protect her from the very things he knew she was keeping from him.
Hell, even now he had no idea why she was really here. She'd lied. Let him believe his own suspicions rang true in fear of the inevitable consequences of him learning the truth. The way he treated her, the way he thought of her, the way he looked at her. To see all that replaced with.. pity.. fuck, she just couldn't bear it. Not from him. It's what stayed her tongue for all this time. Kept her from letting down those walls he was ruthlessly determined to smash through.
But now, she wished more than anything that she'd chosen a different path. Opened up to him about all of this. At least then they'd be able to talk about it. Despite her fears, not once had he ever reacted harshly or unfairly to the things he'd learned about her along the way; the hidden pieces he'd uncovered that she seldom let people see. Instead, he'd offered only compassion and understanding. More so than she could've ever anticipated.
Maybe..
"Eva?" he urged, lightly squeezing her shoulder. "Hey.. you okay, kiddo?"
"..yeah," she mumbled, shaking her head softly. "Sorry, I was just.. thinking."
Reaching up, she let her hand rest upon his own, gazing up at him with a reassuring smile.
"Go do your thing. We can talk properly when we catch up tomorrow. I'll be fine," she promised, holding a hand in the air. "Scouts honour."
He let out a soft laugh and pulled her into a hug, sighing so heavily it felt like it carried the weight of far too many accumulated things. This case had served as a painful reminder for both of them, after all.
"I just want you to know how grateful I am that you came here today.. I wouldn't have dragged you into this if I thought there were any other option," he said solemnly. "When Pallin gave the order to.."
He fizzled off and cleared his throat, unable to bring himself to say it.
"I couldn't allow that to happen.. I think she just reminded me too much of another little girl who once needed my help."
Clamping her eyes shut, she hugged him tighter and summoned every ounce of her inner strength, determined not to let tears fall within these walls. But with his words came the memories tied to them. Painful memories consumed with all of the worst possible feelings a soul can bear. He'd found her then, in the aftermath. Her salvation. Her protector. And the closest thing she'll ever have to a father in this life again.
"I'll always need you, Pops," she whispered. "But right now Talitha needs you more. You'll be able to help her through this.. just like you did with me."
At that, he pulled back to look at her, his eyes glazed with a teary mist.
"Don't undermine your own part in this. You saved her life today, Eva. I'm damn near certain of it," he declared. "I'm so proud of you. Every damn day you make me proud. Don't you ever change, you hear me?"
"..is that an order?" she teased.
"You bet it is. It's the only way you've ever done what you're told."
Their quiet laughter trickled through the deserted corridor, both feeling the cumbersome weight of things that time wouldn't permit them to discuss just yet.
"..alright," he sighed. "Well, I suppose I'd better get to it."
"Yeah, I should think so," she agreed. "Keep me posted on how she's getting on, alright? Let me know if you need me to bring you anything, or-"
"I don't want you going anywhere near that place, Eva," he demanded. "You leave that side of it to me, understood?"
He spoke with a pointed finality that he didn't wield often. But it definitely got the point across. Loud and clear.
"..yes, sir."
"Good," he said, relieved. "Don't worry, I'll be sure keep you updated on her progress. I'll give you a call as soon as I've got a better idea of what we're dealing with."
"Understood," she nodded. "Just.. be patient with her, Pops. Don't expect too much from her too soon."
Realistically, she knew it wasn't something that needed to be said. It just wasn't in his nature to be like that. Despite his incredible prowess as a marine and his steadfast sense of honour, it was his unwavering kindness that was by far his greatest strength.
Before long, the two had parted ways and Shepard was left, once again, standing alone on this long stretch of hallway. It gave her a moment to finally catch her breath, contemplating if she was really about to do what she planned to next. Christ, she was terrified just thinking about it. But for the first time, her trust and faith superseded the fear, and she'd never been more sure of her decision. Now she just had to make it out of here before the dam breaks. Hold back every broken feeling running rampant through her until she was reunited with the one person who could help her through it.
With that, she sped off down the hallway back towards the main section of the precinct, her mind racing just as surely as her heart. She reached up to activate her radio comm, bracing herself before making the call that would serve as the turning point for everything.
You can do this, she told herself. You knew this day was coming.. it's time.
Breathing deep, she initiated the call and hurried through the doors into the main hub, feeling her anxiety spike with each unanswered ring of the dial tone.
Come on, come on..
"Hey, beautiful."
The sound of his soft, husky voice sent her stomach leaping up to her throat, feeling like she might just throw up on the spot as her nerves kicked into high gear.
"..Eva? You there?"
Just.. take a breath. You can do this.
"Y-yeah," she said finally, glancing around the space. "I'm here. S-sorry, I was just.."
..having a mild panic attack.
Spotting Bailey across the room, she simply gave him a quick thumbs up to signal the all clear and made a break for the exit, rushing out of the main entrance before he'd even had time to get up from his seat.
Come on, keep it together. Just hold on a little longer. Deep breaths.
"Anyway, uh.. could you please come and get me?" she blurted out, fighting to catch her breath. "I mean.. only if you're not busy, obviously. I can always-"
"Eva, just take it easy," he soothed. "I'm already here, alright? Just stay where you are, I'm coming to get you."
"..you're.. what?"
Confused, her face scrunched up as she tried to make sense of what he'd said. Although her mind was spinning so wildly right now it was hard to cling to any particular thought clearly. But as she stood there trying to dissect what he meant, a silver skycar came speeding round the corner of the parking lot. The very same one they'd hired barely a couple of hours earlier, as reassuring to see as it was utterly nerve inducing. It pulled to a sudden stop right at the foot of the entrance, the passenger door steadily peeling open to reveal none other than her knight in living, shining armour.
"Sweetie, come on," he called out, quickly realising her sorry state. "Get in the car."
At first, it felt like her feet were rooted to the ground. Though she'd be fooling herself if she said that it was purely nerves alone that was setting her heart aflutter so intensely. Even as scared as she was, just the sight of him was such an overwhelming relief that she could barely contain it. Like the flick of a switch, she suddenly bolted down the steps like a startled gazelle and all but threw herself into the car, barely giving him a moment to process it before she practically lunged for him across the centre panel.
"Hon-"
She didn't give him time to finish. Call it desperation.. need.. grief.. longing. Whatever it was overtook any sense of logic or reason in that moment. Made her crash her mouth into his like it was the only thing that held any meaning in this abysmal fucking world, and he welcomed it gladly. Wholly and completely. Because just as she was inexplicably drawn to him, he too was at the mercy of this all-consuming hold they seemed to have over one another.
Hearing the door click shut behind her, it felt as though they were truly closed off from the rest of the world. Nothing else mattered save for the taste of his tongue in her mouth, the warmth of his breath on her skin, and the doting touch of his fingers buried amongst her hair. For as long as he would allow, she'd cherish this. Make the most of it while she could, lest this impending revelation doom it to be the last.
God.. I don't think my heart could bear it.
Warm rivulets began to trickle down her cheeks, all the emotions she'd been wrought with over the past few hours finally boiling over. Feeling the damp on her skin, he keened softly and came to a still, easing back just enough to meet her tear-filled gaze.
"Eva.."
His hand came up to cradle her jaw, looking at her with a soft tenderness that damn near broke her heart.
"..I'm sorry," she trembled.
"Honey, you never have to be sorry for being upset."
"No, you don't get it," she insisted, shaking her head frantically. "I lied to you before, Garrus. I lied about why I was coming here and I-"
"Sweetie, I know," he soothed, delicately stroking her cheek. "I know.. and its okay."
She stilled at that, her eyes darting back and forth between his own, wary and alarmed.
"Wh- what are you talking about? What do you mean 'you know'?"
With a rueful expression, he looked down as he delved into his pocket and blindly rummaged its contents, pulling his hand out to reveal the small credit chit clutched within his grasp.
Is that..
"You dropped this when you left," he confessed, offering it to her. "I was worried you might need it, so.. I tried to leave it with one of the officers for you. I guess because they knew I was your partner, they just assumed I already knew what was going on, and.. well.."
He trailed off with a regretful sigh as she claimed the chit resting in his palm, knowing he didn't need to say anything further. She was able to piece the rest together just fine on her own. If they thought he was already privy to the situation, they likely would've discussed it freely without thinking anything of it. And the fact that he seemed to be exhibiting remorse and sympathy right now, as opposed to annoyance that she'd lied to him, said plenty in itself.
God damn it.
She wasn't sure whether to be pissed off or relieved. Spared from a difficult situation or robbed of a story that was rightfully hers to tell.
..there's just one problem though, isn't there? Whatever he may know, whatever he's been told.. it can only be a half truth. After all, C-Sec were only told what was necessary for them to understand why she, of all people, could help them. Enough for her aid to make sense without unveiling the true depths of her involvement. There was still so, so much he was yet to learn, and any illusions of her changing her mind about this were long gone now. The wheels, it seems, were already in motion before she'd even decided to give them that first bold push.
"There's so much we need to talk about, Blue," she said finally, her voice wobbly and broken. "But I just.. christ, I don't even know where to start."
"Look, why don't we get you home first, hm?" he said, sweeping her hair from her face. "Might feel easier to talk about it if you're somewhere you feel comfortable."
He was right. This was hardly the ideal time or place for it, and she'd rather not approach the matter without a sizeable amount of liquid courage within arms reach, if she could help it.
"..yeah " she nodded, blowing out a shaky breath. "Yeah, okay. Let's do that."
She just had to hope she could put a lid on this emotional onslaught and keep her shit together until then. But right now, it felt like she'd have better luck sealing a cap over an erupting volcano.
As if sensing that very thought, he leaned in to press a soft kiss against her lips, closing his eyes as he rested his brow upon her own. Despite the utter turmoil running rife within her, she could still feel her body succumbing to it, just as it always did. Felt herself slowly mellow, if only slightly.
"How do you do that?" she whispered.
"It's a turian thing."
Even with her eyes closed, she could hear the smile he was wearing in voice alone.
"Is it supposed to mean something?"
He paused with a contemplative hum, as if struggling to put a word to the gesture.
"It means I care about you," he said finally, soft and sweet. "Come on.. let's get you out of here, hm?"
Swallowing past the nerves, she hesitantly agreed. While she certainly had no desire to stay here any longer, the prospect of what awaited her was just as daunting, if not more so. At least here she alone had to face her past demons. There really was no telling how Garrus would react when forced to confront them too.
Thankfully, as they peeled away from the parking lot and soared through the Citadel's artificial skies, he seemed to understand the magnitude of the troublesome thoughts weighing heavily on her mind. Took it upon himself to fill the silence in a not so subtle means of distraction, and she couldn't have been more grateful for it. He didn't ask questions. Didn't probe or push. Simply spoke of the more frivolous, light-hearted things. The rifle he'd been eyeing up for a while and was growing increasingly tempted to buy. A new set of biotic class armour that just came out that he thought would be perfect for her. Some salarian drama series they apparently had to start watching from now on. It was comforting in its simplicity. And after a while, listening to his voice seemed to dull the busy thoughts. Almost made her forget what she was worrying about to begin with.
Almost.
But once they found themselves stood within the walls of her apartment once more; every thought, every feeling, came slamming back to the forefront of her mind with a fucking vengeance. Left her standing frozen in the entryway feeling nauseous as hell, so caught up in her momentary spiral that she startled when strong arms suddenly curled around her from behind.
"Go get changed, sweetie," he said softly, planting a kiss on her cheek. "I'll fix us something to drink."
"Yeah.. good idea," she sighed. "Sorry we got all armoured up for no reason."
"I'm not. I heard the girl you were helping stole a pistol off one of the officers. Sure as hell wouldn't have left if you weren't."
She stiffened, his remark only solidifying the bitter reality of the situation.. he knew. There was no dancing around that now.
"..Talitha."
"What?"
"Her name.. it's Talitha," she told him, lowering her gaze. "I'll, uh.. I'll go get changed. Just gimme a few minutes."
With her head low, she stepped out of his hold and wandered towards the stairs, feeling his eyes following after her even as she climbed the steps and disappeared from view.
God, she felt numb. Everything around her just seemed to meld into a big, nonsensical blur. She couldn't recall removing her armour. Couldn't remember throwing her hair up into this messy bun or picking out the little shorts and crop top she suddenly found herself wearing. Her mind was too busy, and her heart wasn't faring much better. So much so that she had to take a double dose of her meds for the first time in who knows how long. And then she was standing at her dresser, her eyes fixed on the delicate, silver trinket resting inside the opened top drawer; a thing that had once been so beloved that now symbolised her greatest fears.
Retrieving it from amongst her collection of underwear, she slipped it into her pocket and slid the drawer shut, gripping the lip of the dresser so tightly her knuckles were paling from the strain.
"Jesus wept," she whispered, hanging her head. "I can't believe I'm actually doing this."
She was beginning to second guess herself, wondering whether she really had it in her to tell him everything. Christ, she'd only just gotten him back. What if he didn't take it well? What if he saw her as nothing more than damaged goods from now on? Saw her as some kind of broken toy. Fuck, this could ruin everything.
And yet.. this was all going to come out eventually, one way or another. One day, she knew she'd lose the will to stop hiding. And when that day comes, Garrus would need to know how to prepare for it. To get the Normandy, along with every living thing, as far away from her as physically possible. Taking some slow, steadying breaths, she closed her eyes to focus and compose herself. Whether she wanted to do this or not was irrelevant. She knew that, deep down. Steeling herself, she nodded with a sense of finality and resolve, straightening herself up with an inner pep talk streaming through her mind.
You can do this. Just stay calm. Breathe. Don't overthink it. Just do it. You can do it.
Over and over again those words whirled around her head, driving her forward with every step she tentatively took back towards the stairwell.
Padding down the steps, she veered round the corner and stilled, taken aback by the sight before her. Having activated the privacy screening for the windows, the only lighting in the living room was the soft, ambient glow emanating from the fire. And stretched out across the plush, fluffy rug before it, Garrus looked perfectly at ease, wearing nought but the sweatpants he liked to lounge around in with his upper body left completely bare. Beside him, one of her nicer bottles of whiskey and two large mugs sat awaiting their respective owners, steam billowing over the rim of each one. Never before had something so daunting appeared so inviting and.. cosy.
"What's all this?"
Walking towards him, she glanced around at the little touches he'd put in place while she was busy upstairs, a small smile teasing at the corner of her mouth.
"Just thought it might help," he said, looking around just the same. "Probably seems kinda silly, now that I think about it."
"It doesn't," she assured him, smiling fondly at his bashful, boyish charm. "I think it's perfect."
He held out his hand as she approached and she took it gladly, lowering herself to sit before him.
"Is that coffee, by any chance?" she asked, nodding to the mugs beside him.
"Uh.. no, not quite," he confessed, laughing softly. He leaned across to grab one, offering it to her with a sheepish grin. "I remember Anderson saying it used to help you feel better, so.."
Taking the offered mug, she raised a brow at the familiar, sweet scent tickling her nose.
"You made hot chocolate?"
"Mmhmm," he hummed, reaching for his own. "Added a little something extra though."
He nodded to the whiskey, blowing on the steaming liquid before taking a careful sip. All the while, she looked down at her own drink, touched that he even thought to do so.
"I can't believe you even remembered Pops saying about this.. it was so long ago."
"Well, I knew it was gonna be a big adjustment for you joining the crew. I made a point of taking note of it."
She smiled softly, her thumb sweeping back and forth across the ceramic almost lovingly.
"Thank you. This was really sweet of you."
Blowing at the billowing steam, she brought the mug to her lips and took an experimental sip, humming softly at the decadent sweetness invigorating her taste buds. It was rich and creamy, with a subtle kick from the smooth, smoky whiskey. Made warmth blossom in her chest just as surely as the gesture itself.
"That good, huh?" he smirked.
"And then some," she swooned. "God damn, this is delicious. You'd make for one mean barista, Big Guy."
"I dunno about that," he tittered. "I just thought it might help to.. well, you know.."
She knew what he was getting at. He was trying to make the uncomfortable as comfortable as possible. No doubt he could hear the way her heart was pounding. Could probably smell her fear too, knowing him.
"Yeah.. I know," she sighed, setting the mug down. "I, uh.. I guess I should probably start by finding what it is you know already.."
Sensing her unease, he set his own drink down and gave her his complete, singular focus, reaching out to set his hand upon her own.
"More than I have any right to, and I'm sorry for that," he told her, interweaving their fingers together. "..but I know you're not really from Earth. And how it is that Anderson came to be your guardian.."
At that, she froze like an icy chill shot right down her spine, her wide eyes practically screaming in alarm.
"..he rescued you, didn't he? From the raid.." he said, stroking the back of her hand soothingly. "I know that's why he asked you to help this girl; 'Talitha' I think you said it was.. she was taken from your hometown, right?"
She felt her heart shatter then, her eyes misting over until she was looking at him through a tear-filled haze.
"You have no idea how much I wish I could say it was that simple," she said, a faint quiver to her voice. "I think.. I think maybe I just need to start from the beginning. There's a lot that.. christ, I don't even know."
She hung her head with a pained groan, completely at a loss for how the hell she should even think about trying to navigate this.
"Honey, listen to me; you can tell me as much or as little as you want to," he said softly, giving her hand a comforting squeeze. "There's no pressure here, it's whatever you're comfortable with. I'm here to listen regardless."
Taking a deep breath, she nodded her acknowledgement and reclaimed her drink, glugging down a hefty portion of it in a bid to steel herself.
"Well, I suppose I should start by telling you that I didn't lie to you," she said finally, keeping her eyes downcast. "I really am Earthborn. But, uh.. my dad.. my real dad, that is.. he was.. well, he was a brilliant man. A genius, in fact. Specialised in the environmental sciences and ecological theory. He worked alongside the colonial pioneering teams to prepare settlements for habitation; terraforming the environment to accommodate human life, stuff like that."
Looking up to meet his gaze, she wasn't entirely surprised by the shocked look on his face. It wasn't exactly a secret between that she didn't usually speak so openly about her family like this, if at all really.
"Anyway," she pressed on, electing not to call attention to it. "A few years after the colonies were established on Mindoir, the settlers were struggling to maintain their ecosystem. Crops were dying. Livestock were getting sick. Even the water systems were failing. So, they went to my dad for help. Offered him a new job and a hefty raise if he moved there to help them get back on track.."
She smiled, the sad and wistful kind that came with self reflection. Picturing their faces was as comforting as it was bitterly painful.
"Dad loved his work, and mom had always wanted to move to one of the colonised worlds. It just seemed like the perfect opportunity for all of us. We-"
She choked up at the word. In spite of everything, she just.. she couldn't. Not now. Not ever.
I'm sorry. I just.. I can't.
"I, uh.. I was only four at the time," she said instead, clearing the well in her throat. "Moving to a new world.. it was exciting. And for a long time, we had the perfect life. We had this beautiful little farm house. Had some horses.. cows.. chickens.. couple of dogs. A huge plot of land to play on, and mom finally had the space to grow her crops. And thanks to dad's efforts, it wasn't long before the colony was thriving again. It was.. well, it was everything it should have been.. until it wasn't."
"You wanna tell me about what happened?"
A pained crinkle etched across her brow, her heart quickening as images of that night flooded her mind. So much bloodshed. So much devastation. And the screams..
"..I was asleep when it all started," she began, anxiously rubbing at her throat. "I, uh.. I just remember someone shouting and shaking me awake. It was my dad, and he looked.. god, he looked so scared. He told me I had to get up.. that I had to get up and hide. I didn't know what the hell was going on but, I could just about see the fires behind my curtain. And I could smell it.. the smell of everything burning. I could hear the screaming. Just.. so many people screaming and crying out all at once. It was.."
Her gaze turned blank and vacant, vaguely aware of the tremors starting to run through her body the longer she reflected on that fateful night.
"He told me to hide in the vent in our living room. Said to stay quiet and stay hidden no matter what. And I did," she trembled, meeting his gaze. "But I saw them. I saw them break down the door and barge their way in. Saw them capture my mom and dad. They found my bedroom and knew there had to be kids hiding out somewhere.. so they tied them up and ransacked the place. Tried to force my parents to tell them where w-.. where I was.. but they never did. Even when they-"
She squeezed her eyes shut as the tears began to fall, grateful for the strong arms that enclosed around her in that moment. She wrapped her arms around his neck, weeping as the memories of their screams invaded her mind.
"I tried to close my eyes," she sobbed. "But I.. I could still hear everything. Everything they did to them. And their cries. They.. they killed my fucking dad.. tortured him slowly, and made my mom watch just to get her to talk. But she didn't. Until her dying breath she didn't say a fucking word. And all I could do was sit by and watch like a fucking coward. I should have done something, Garrus. I should have-"
"You were only a fledgling, Eva," he cut in, squeezing her tight. "Spirits, I'm so sorry. I'm just.. fuck, I'm just so sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that.. that you had to see all of that. I can't even begin to imagine what that must've been like for you.. spirits, you were so young."
"I miss them so much, Blue," she grieved. "And I can barely even bring myself to think about them, because every time I do.."
It's never the happy memories of how they were. It's always the image of them lying there. Their lifeless eyes wide open and wrought with the same fear they'd felt in their dying moments, their bodies broken and bloodied and contorted in agonising pain.
God, she couldn't stop picturing it. And the more she did, the harder it was to breathe.
"Easy.. easy," he soothed, stroking along the curve of her spine. "You're alright, I've got you."
"It was all for nothing," she cried, clinging to him desperately. "They died trying to protect me and it didn't make a god damn difference."
He pulled back at that, regarding her with a sudden severity that hadn't been there only moments before.
"What are you talking about? Of course it did! Look at you.. you're here, you're alive. If it weren't for them, Anderson would never have been able to find you. It made every fucking difference."
The tears started to flow in an endless, perpetual stream, her parted lips quivering in fear of what they knew was about to escape their midst.
"..but he didn't."
"What?" he frowned. "What do you mean, what are you talking about?"
"..after they left my house that night, I waited until I thought it was safe," she sniffled. "I tried to make a run for it but, by then it was already too late and I.. I.."
She couldn't say it. Couldn't get the words out. But in the time it took her to try and muster the courage to do so, understanding had already written itself across his face clear as day.
"You.. you mean.."
"He didn't find me back then, Garrus," she told him, tears trickling down her cheeks. "The truth is, he didn't ask for my help today because Talitha and I just happened to grow up in the same town.. its because he knew the only person that could help her was someone who truly understood what she's been through. Someone.. someone who's lived it for themselves.."
Slowly, his arms fell to his sides, utterly blindsided and stunned into silence, his eyes wide as saucers as they began to take her in as if he were seeing her in an entirely different light. It was the look she'd been dreading. The very thing that'd kept her from entertaining reaching this point, and the sight of him looking at her in the way she feared most threw her entire being into an instant state of panic.
"Garrus, you have to understand, it doesn't mean anything," she cried, grabbing at him desperately. "I'm still me, okay? I'm just me. I'm Eva. I'm begging you, please. You have to believe me, I'm still-"
The wild intensity of her reaction snapped him out of his spiral with a jolt. Shaking it off, his hands quickly shot up to cradle her face, his body suddenly trembling almost as violently as her own.
"Hey, hey, hey," he soothed, his voice shaky and panicked. "Shhh, it's okay. You're okay."
"Just please don't do this. Don't look at me like that," she wept. "I swear I'm still me. I swear."
"Oh, honey," he grieved, stroking her tear-stained cheeks. "Is that what you've been worried about?"
"I.. I thought.. if you knew.. but.. I couldn't.."
She could barely speak anymore, forcing the words out between each desperate gasp for air.
"Spirits, come here."
He pulled her into the tightest, most all-encompassing embrace she'd ever had, so much urgency and pain behind it from both sides. And for a while, he just held her as she let it out, weeping against his shoulder as she poured out every broken feeling that had left a mark on her soul for the past thirteen years. Honestly, she wasn't sure she'd ever cried so much in her damn life. Not even at the time when everything had happened, too numbed from the shock and hurt of it all to even consider processing it. But now it felt like it was all rushing out of her at once, while the calming, if not a little panicked lullaby of his subvocal purr quietly filtered through the air around them.
"Please don't leave me."
She knew how pathetic it must've sounded. But right now she just couldn't find the wherewithal to care. The thought of losing him because of this..
"Sweetie, I'm not going anywhere," he promised, burying his fingers amongst her hair. "Spirits, did you really think I'd leave you over something like this?"
"I just.. I didn't think you'd want me anymore if you knew I was a.. if you knew what I.. what I was.."
"Eva, there isn't a damn thing in this universe that could change the way I feel about you," he insisted, so matter of fact it left no room to doubt him. "I know who you are. What you've been through doesn't change that. If anything, it only makes you stronger in my eyes."
She pulled back a ways, her bloodshot eyes searching his features in cautious disbelief.
"..it really doesn't bother you?"
"Oh, it bothers me, alright. Just not where your concerned."
"What do you mean?"
The deep blue depths of his eyes held a world of sorrow as he gazed at her, his outstretched fingers reaching out to tenderly caress the slope of her slender neck.
"I should've seen it," he said regretfully, his eyes fixated on her throat. "Spirits, I've seen you doing this so many times and I never thought anything of it. But now I know why. What it all means. I've done my research.. I know the stories. And the thought of you like that, I just.. spirits, it fucking kills me."
She could feel just how much he meant it. His every word was laced with a subharmonic keening, as soft and aggrieved as the look in his eye. But.. he was right. It was an unconscious habit that stemmed from the trauma of what she went through back then. Phantom pains of a slaver's collar that'd been long since removed. In truth, she wasn't sure it was something she'd ever be able to rid herself of completely.
"I'm sorry.. the last thing I wanted was to upset you," she said sadly. "We can talk about this more another time."
"No, I.. I didn't mean it like that," he insisted. "I'll sit here all damn day to talk about this if that's what it takes. I mean it. Just.. let me be there for you. Please."
In the end.. she did. And he listened intently to all of it. Hung on her every word. Listened as she told him how she tried to hide out amongst the charred rubble of a neighbour's house, disguising herself within the remains that stood as nothing more than mere cinder and ashes. How it was something as stupid as a piece of fucking debris falling loose that gave away her position and ultimately led to her being captured.
"They, uh.. they found these shipping containers that they used to hold us temporarily," she explained, still struggling to look at him. "They kept us there until they decided what to do with us, who was going where. Anyone who acted up or wasn't deemed to be of any 'value' was killed right there on the spot. They didn't even bother clearing out the fucking bodies. Just left them where they dropped as a warning to everyone else; fuck around and you're next in line."
She rubbed at her nose to quell her sniffle, looking down at their joined hands resting in her lap.
'Animals to the pen, the masters said. Animals to the pen.. treasures to the vault.'
"Have you.. have you ever heard of 'The Vault'?"
"Not that I know of," she heard him say, his subovcals humming softly. "Should I have?"
"Not necessarily," she muttered, offering a small shrug. "It, uh.. it was the name for the base of their entire operation. A dreadnought. It's where they kept their most valuable prisoners.. 'treasures' they called us."
The last words passed through gritted teeth, her anger surfacing at the memory of it. The fact a person's fate ultimately came down to whether they had the skills or looks to make a fair buck was bullshit of the highest fucking degree. And she could tell he felt it too. Felt it in the way his grip grew a little tighter as she spoke. Heard it in the low rumble emanating from him even now.
"But don't let the name fool you, the conditions weren't much better than the pens. Khorag just liked to keep his most prized cattle a little closer to home."
"Khorag?"
"..yeah," she sighed. "I guess you could say that he was to the slave trade what Aria is to Omega. He was the kingpin of it all. Every slave ring fell under his command. Every single one, even those beyond the bounds of Terminus space. And anyone who tried to act otherwise didn't live long enough to brag about it."
"You say 'was'.. I'm guessing that means he isn't any longer?"
Closing her eyes, she shook her head 'no', bracing herself for the crux of all of this.
"Khorag had a brother.. Morvak, his name was.."
"That's right," he mused. "Pretty sure I read somewhere that batarians are always born in sets of twins."
She winced at the word, trying her utmost to swallow the pain that came with it.
"..they do," she nodded. "Though you would never have believed it at first glance. Khorag was a nasty piece of work. Evil son of a bitch right down to his core. But Morvak.. he seemed different. He was kind to me. He always looked out for me.. at least as much as he could. Snuck me food. Saved me whenever one of the guards tried to.. tried.."
Memories she hadn't thought of in many years came pouring in at once. Made her feel sick to her stomach. Christ, just how many guards tried to stake their perverse claim on her back then? A fucking child. And the sad truth is that she was one of the fortunate ones, because Morvak sure as hell didn't barge in to save everyone they got their lecherous hands on. She was 'special'. That's what he'd told her.
"After a while, I started to look up to him. He was a friend in a place where they were damned hard to come by. He said he cared about me. Told me how much he hated his brother. Hated the whole operation. How he wanted to bring an end to it all."
"..but he didn't, did he?"
She thought her tears were already long past spent.. apparently not. She shook her head, reaching up to wipe them away before they could fall.
"He came up with this plan," she said, her voice as shaky as her trembling hands. "He couldn't kill Khorag himself, but I.. I could. He promised me that when he took over, he'd pull the plug on all of it. Shut it all down and let everyone go.. and I believed him. God, I was so fucking stupid."
With a sullen sigh, he curled his finger beneath her chin, raising her head until their eyes came to meet.
"Honey, you were so young," he said solemnly. "How the hell were you supposed to know any different?"
"I could've opened my fucking eyes," she snapped, more defensively than expected. "I should've seen it coming, Garrus. Should've read the signs. Why he only intervened when someone tried to buy me. Or rape me. Why he never bothered when I was being tortured or beaten within an inch of my fucking life. Never then. Not once. And I never questioned it."
She could feel the biotic whisper inside growing louder with her rage, her breaths coming out faster. Shallower.
"Sweetie, just.. take a deep breath," he said cautiously. "You're alright, you're safe."
"He made me do it, Garrus," she yelped, her eyes filled with angry tears. "And once he took over, he tricked me into thinking he was letting us go. But instead, he set me up. Led me to some dingy backroom filled with half a dozen guards and told them all what I did like he had no part in it. It was all bullshit. All of it. He wasn't doing anything to save me. Everything he did.. everything was to save me for him. He planned it right from the off. He was never going to let me go, and he made sure I learned that day why I should never try."
He stiffened upon hearing it, his entire demeanour shifting right before her eyes. It was like the very air around him grew thick with a dangerous sense of calm, prominent enough that it immediately bade her to still.
"What did he do to you?"
Her eyes flitted between his own as the vivid memories slammed into her mind. The burning pain.. the agonised screams.. his rough hand at her back pinning her down.. the guards all just standing there watching.. laughing.. cheering.
..Aaron.
She had to fight it down. All the heartbreak. All the rage. Fuck, it was tearing her apart. Made her shoulders tense and her knee bob up and down like a neverending piston.
"..please don't make me answer that," she begged him.
But she knew then that that in itself was answer enough, and the fury in his eyes was unlike anything she'd ever seen. His hands balled into tight fists, a menacing snarl rumbling through him that gave even her a momentary pause
..perhaps him knowing wasn't such a good idea, after all.
"I'm assuming this asshole is dead," he snapped. "Because he fucking better be, Eva, I swear.."
And there it was. The final piece of this horrific, unending puzzle. Her eyes fell closed upon hearing it, wondering if she even had the strength to tell him right now. Honestly? She didn't. Not even a little bit. And so, she slid her hand into her pocket instead, pulling out the silver heirloom for him to see.
"..what is that?"
"It's called a pocket watch," she explained, sniffling through the tears. "It was my dad's.. he loved antique gadgets like this. But it's all I have left of my family. I had it with me when I was captured, and Morvak, he.. well, he promised to keep it safe for me until he could set me free.."
Eyeing the pocket watch, he studied it with a severity and bemusement befitting the moment, his chest heaving with his angered breaths.
"The night that.. that everything happened," she said hesitantly. "There was a huge explosion and the ship went down. Morvak was presumed dead, and I thought I'd lost this forever.."
He frowned, his eyes snapping up to meet her own.
"After so many years without a word or a single sighting, I really believed he was gone.. that I was finally free," she said, swallowing past the nerves. "But.. after Akuze, I started to get this feeling like people were watching me. Random people in the hospital that looked like they had no reason to be there. They never visited any patients. Just sort of hung around outside my room.. like they were waiting. But it was always someone different. I tried to tell the doctors and the staff, but.."
"..they didn't believe you," he finished, pissed off on her behalf. "They thought it was the trauma from Akuze messing with your head."
Nailed it one.
"Until I woke up one night and found this sitting on my bedside table," she confessed, gesturing to the watch.
Blowing out a shaky breath, she held his gaze, feeling like her very soul was verging into fight or flight.
"This is the reason I left back then, Garrus," she told him. "It's why my records are sealed.. and it's why the idea of being stuck on this fucking station makes me wanna rip my damn skin off. Morvak is out there somewhere looking for me even now, and he won't stop. He'll never stop.. not until he finds me again."
And when that day comes, Garrus would need to get as far away from her as possible. Because it will happen. One day, Morvak will find her, and she won't be able to find the strength to walk away. She will make him pay. For everything he did. For everything he took from her. He will pay for all of it a hundred times over, and she could never forgive herself if Garrus got hurt in the process.
But everyone has their breaking point, and this power inside her has been biding its time for when that day finally comes. Ready to destroy everything that bastard holds dear. Perhaps that's why, looking down, she could see its vivid glow had already begun to dance across her skin somewhere along the way. It's tired of waiting.. it craves vengeance.
How do you fight against your own nature? How do you defy that which you covet so fucking much? How much longer can she even keep it up?
The answer.. not long.