Let's go. Delving a little more into characters this half of the chapter.
Lesgetit:
Enjoy!
"So how do you want us to share?" Sayori asks, looking to the president for answers. Thankfully the president can read the general vibe of the room before she answers.
"Well, why don't we just start sharing with someone!"
Nobody dared to make a sound, but the room seems to sigh a collective relief. With that said however, we all exchange glances before I make the first move:
"Come on Sayori, let's go!" As soon as I said her name, Sayori was rushing towards me like a puppy who was thrown a tennis ball. I stand to catch her as she flies towards me, but thankfully she stops barely a foot away as she skids to a stop.
"I was going to ask you too!" She chimes before I acknowledge her, nodding towards the kitchen so that the others could hopefully decide among themselves (and fail to see the glowing blush on my face).
Damn... She's cute-
Wait. Attention. Right.
...
Dear Sunshine
The way you glow through my blinds in the morning
It makes me feel like you missed me.
Kissing my forehead to help me out of bed.
Making me rub the sleepy from my eyes.
Are you asking me to come out and play?
Are you trusting me to wish away a rainy day?
I look above. The sky is blue.
It's a secret, but I trust you too.
If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.
But I'm not mad.
I want breakfast.
If I'm not wrong...
The same as the game...
Welp. Guess that I won't look weird then.
"It's a nice poem, but you already sleep so much! How are we supposed to hangout if you're sleeping?" I try to innocently comment, hoping that I could somehow backhandedly cheer Sayori up. However as the words left my mouth, I cringed.
That. Was. Horrible.
Jesus.
And not just that, I felt a familiar feeling of emptiness and dread thinking on her poem... But I snap myself out of it by thinking about
Monika.
FUCK. That shit hurts.
But it's a good technique...
I-I mean. Uhh... Anyhow...
I look back at the poem without reading it, just admiring words on paper.
She wrote it this morning huh, there's a little food stain on it.
I chuckle at the thought, and I hoped that my cringe comment would get her mind off of it. If even for just a day or two. Sayori giggles sheepishly as she brings her pointer fingers together, fiddling with them to distract herself.
"You probably wouldn't even have remembered to write it if I didn't remind you!" I tease, trying not to laugh at how she would react. Though I knew how this all goes down. After all, we were friends for a LONG time. Never got old.
Guess those cheesy ass animes James shows me finally grew on me...
"So it was you!" She shouted, which the three in the living room heard and looked our way. I waved sheepishly towards them as Sayori didn't rip her stare away from me. She continued when I met her gaze again. "AND! I would have remembered! Just like you seem to remember-"
"And what would I be remembering? Mayori?"
Classic.
"THAT! It was ONE time!"
"But how do you manage to EXPLODE mayonnaise!?" I almost shout, still genuinely confused how someone managed to EXPLODE MAYONNAISE after I left her for 5 minutes. 5 MINUTES.
"I-I don't know!"
"But everything you do is about-"
"Himura! Everything okay in there?" Monika calls before I could finish or even before Sayori could even retort. I peek out the door and acknowledge the others once more.
"Yeah, yeah, we're okay! Sayori just can't help blowing up food!" Sayori pouts audibly as Yuri turns away, possibly trying not to laugh as Monika nods. After, Natsuki throws a large cheeky smile and throws me a thumbs up. Confused at the out-of-place gesture, I awkwardly return it and slide back into the kitchen, turning to a visibly-red Sayori.
"You know I'm joking right?" I ask, trying to placate her. When she says nothing I'm slightly concerned, but as soon as I tilt to see her face better, she's trying her best not to giggle.
Ah shit. Here we go again.
"W-well..." Sayori manages to put on her best 'embarrassed' face and turns to me, with her classic pointer-to-pointer pose. "I couldn't really tell... so maybe if..." She trails, as her eyes slide to the side in a blatant allusion to one of her basic desires:
"Well would you be able to tell if we get something to eat for dinner tonight?" I guess, knowing that the 50/50 chance I had taken was correct.
"Can we eat pizza!?"
Yep. Not even mad.
Just hungry.
"Sure." I smile, as I watch her do her little victory dance. I fight wanting to ruffle her hair, bow precariously bouncing and fighting for dear life. Sayori cheers once more as I shoo her away towards the rest of the group.
She forgot to comment on my poem.
Heh. Whatever.
As long as she's happy.
I jam the poem back into my pocket, not bothering to read the cringe I wrote down. Natsuki and her partner seem to be discussing something as Yuri sits on her lonesome on a chair. I wait for her to notice me before I wave, then motion to invite her over. She straightens up before standing, then walks slowly over to me. I don't know if she did a good job walking silently, as Sayori's interjection into the two's conversation was so loud I could hear them from across the room.
As soon as Yuri makes it in front of the kitchen door, she stops as I stand there. She writhes under my gaze, so I try to soften it, even if I think I wasn't even so much as glaring at her. Soon enough, she manages to call out to me, like she was trying to grab my attention?
Even that however is short-lived as she mumbles something under her breath, taking to talking to herself instead. Soon enough her head's turned over her shoulder as she mumbles to the side. Which I hope wasn't about or towards me.
"Yuri." I call out to her, being deliberately not harsh. She snaps out of her trance as she scans me. A hole array of tics pop, verbal and non-verbal, as she fights to manage to say something. Even with the fireworks that was this standing anxious mess, she could only manage to mumble something along the lines of 'Doing what Monika said'. Shaking off the absolute 'What the fuck' feeling that threatened to make me react, I try to wholeheartedly answer (or guess):
"Don't be too harsh on me!"
"I-I won't..." She finally articulates, the first words other than my name that were clear.
I rummage through my pocket again and feel the texture of a notecard, compared to the sticky note that Sayori's was on, and pull it out. I see that Yuri is still mustering up her courage, so I read through my poem one last time, so that it's at least readable:
Hot
I burn peacefully,
burning waste assigned to me.
All falls silent- no crack, snap, or sizzle.
I turn to the culprit.
A moth- the large, flying Rorschach approaches.
A broken girl, sparks from ripped machine heart.
Gross instinct? At expense of self-preservation?
They flock to me- I smolder.
Eyed-wings of compound-eye wicker.
What do they see in me? Moonlight? Guide unto death?
Refraction and reflection burn their retinas.
I meld and flicker, but they still burn.
I finish rereading the poem, somewhat proud and embarrassed I managed to write something like that, and wait for Yuri to show me hers. Once she manages to extend her own in front of her, I mirror her. And we exchange poems, with me already knowing what she was going to hand me.
Ghost under the light
The tendrils of my hair illuminate beneath the amber glow.
Bathing.
It must be this one.
The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time.
The last yet to be replaced by the sickening blue-green of the future.
I bathe. Calm; breathing air of the present but living in the past.
The light flickers.
I flicker back.
I think about the poem and hope that I don't have to say too much about it. It brings me back to university, but I just wait and watch Yuri read my poem. But she's taking a while. An uncomfortable while.
Oh god. Do you think I went overboard?
I haven't written or read poetry-
Well, I haven't written poetry since university...
I read poetry in DDLC.
Whatever. Can't stress it...
Whatever Yuri says should be objectively true.
For better or for worse...
I silently continue to watch as Yuri's face emotes differently each other second as she reads. It doesn't help my anxiety when she hums softly before going back to reading my poem.
Surely reading my poem shouldn't take that long?
The silence kills me as she seems transfixed on the poem. I try not to zone out, but I hear Natsuki say "Mayori", as a playful screech and an embarrassed cry sound through the door. I peek over Yuri's shoulder to see Sayori getting physical with Natsuki, before I snap back to paying attention to the lavender-haired girl. Soon enough she glances up, and there must have been quite the look on my face because I don't know what else would cause her to freeze up like a deer in headlights.
"Oh my! I-I'm sorry! Did I forget to start speaking?"
"No, no, no! Don't worry! It seems you take poetry quite seriously, compared to me!" I assure her, complementing her so that this awkward atmosphere would fuck off.
"No, no, no! If anything, you shouldn't worry. I'm not judging you... I-it's just... Just... That I'm trying to put my thoughts into words and..."
"No worries! Take your time." I try, the blue-green atmosphere not something I'd like to bathe in.
"W-well." Yuri clears her throat. "I-is this your first time- No." She pauses, as she tries to sways back and forth, as if finding a comfortable place to hold her head. "Hmm... I guess I'll just say what I think..." She states, finally deciding on slightly canting her head forward.
"Uuu... I g-guess It's up to you to answer me... B-but... I think what I'm trying to say is... Have you actually written poetry before?" She weakly asks, but my default teasing nature answers for me.
"Would my answer change your opinion of me?"
"N-n-no! Absolutely not... I-It's just..." She stammers and sputters, but I manage to rack my middle-aged brain to be more mature than the stupid hormonal mess I was right now.
"Tell me what you think first: be honest!"
With that her eyes close in deep contemplation, fingers running over the poem as if it were written in Braille. Soon enough, she takes a deep breath and opens her eyes, confidently locking them with mine.
"Well: reading this poem, your imagery and writing style sells the character you are trying to portray well, which I could take a page from... I feel as if I could learn to write a whole different genre of poetry if I could just copy the personification and world-building from you..." Yuri slides next to me and angles the poem towards me, fingers gliding to words and phrases to accentuate her point. She starts to list things and talk about the thoughts on each word before she transitions into her next point.
"Tension and the usage of a simple metaphor like 'Like a moth to flame' as your central theme and building around it creates a well-grounded poem which allows you to tuck in your style and imagery safely, but broad enough that I can think of a few meanings behind this..." She starts to lose me as I am violently pulled back into memories of Literature 302.
I shudder.
Wow she's really getting into it.
"Your multiple allusions to psychology and instinct brings forth the main conflict of the poem and settles the reader into the view of the fire. I can tell that by making the fire the caring and gentle type is a purposeful break in the archetype of 'fiery and violent' that puts into question the dichotomy you are attempting to convey between the fire and the moth, all the while masterfully not falling into the cliché of gentle giant by instead making it the logic to the moth's instinct..."
I just wrote whatever I felt onto paper after listening to some music.
Damn. I guess I should copy Yuri more, huh?
After that, the confident posture she assumed begins to fade as she fidgets away from my side and awkwardly stands, standing eye-to-eye with my seated self.
"However, the writing style falls flat as if you don't know what you're trying to say... But you do! I'm conflicted whether it's intentional or not... It just blurs the intention and message! But that doesn't mean it's bad... And... Uuuu..."
"Wow. You didn't need to say that though..." I tease, to see if any semblance of confidence was left.
"Himura! I'm so sorry! Especially after what happened today and-" She apologizes, profusely bowing before I cut her off:
"I'm just messing with you Yuri! I guess you can say I've dabbled in poetry before."
With that her confident posture resumes, wonder, curiosity, and excitement sparkling in her eyes.
"Then we should share more poems! I would love to see what else you wrote! This piece of yours touches on topics that I typically don't write about! I usually delve into introspective topics and the like!" She excitedly suggests, but I thankfully cut off her rant with a complement of my own.
"I can see it in your poem! You seem to really enjoy poetry! You can even speak confidently when you talk about it!"
"W-what? I-I do?" She answers, but not anxiously instead in actual surprise: taken aback by my comment.
"Yes. I think that goes to show that you are willing to break out of your shell to talk about this sort of stuff. I assume it's tough staying in a conversation when not a lot of people like talking about literature and such?"
"Yes! That's why I joined the literature club... But I'm just too shy to do anything but read..."
I sigh as I see a younger self of me in her, whispers of other childhood memories attempting to flood me, but a good Monika shakes me out my spell.
"Hey, cheer up. You know what? I'll help you make friends then. How about that?"
Yuri looks confused.
"From what I garnered from your poem, it seems to be about the fear of being left in the past... Though it could also just be about reminiscing or the loss of memories that were once so vital... Or a slew of other things..." I physically wave off my rambling thought. "But! That's a discussion for another time. What I'm trying to say is, I can help get you closer to the rest of the club."
"Really?" She asks, but I'm no empath and can't tell how she felt about that offer.
"Really. I gotta make it up to you for doing my dishes!"
"N-no! I did the dishes because I owed you for the meal-"
"No. That's how you treat a guest." "Look. You and I are on the same page right now, if what you're saying is true. If you feel like an outsider, and I'm an actual outsider... Then the enemy of my enemy is my ally, right?"
I gentle smile creeps up on Yuri's face.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"Thank you."
"No problem. Now come on. We gotta get a move on before anyone before anybody notices."
"Notices what?"
OH SHIT: WOMAN.
"Na-Natsuki! What are you doing over here?" Yuri asks, in her usual anxious fashion.
"Why would I be here? It should be obvious, dumbass!" Proclaims Natsuki, puffing out her chest (kek) in an attempt to accentuate an authoritative point.
"Natsuki-" Yuri begins to retort, but instead I assure her:
"No worries, just go share with whoever you haven't shared with yet."
With that Yuri leaves the kitchen, only looking back once to shoot me a concerned look. I chuckle to myself as I bathe in the absurdity of the situation, chuckling once more as Natsuki massages both of her temples in frustration.
"I swear, I only think you came to this club to flirt with girls."
Oh boy. I need to get this girl to get this straight.
"Okay. First of all: Sayori invited me first." Natsuki shoots me an incredulous look. I continue, hoping that her glare would at least soften. "Second of all: I haven't been flirting."
"Oh really? Then what was all that with Monika yesterday?" The headache returns, and thankfully Natsuki doesn't notice. After managing to shake it off I go to interject, but Natsuki continues when I try. "Or with Yuri just about now?"
That shuts me up. I can't think coherent thoughts until a victorious smirk crawls across her face.
Until.
"Then are you insinuating that I should be flirting with you?"
Her face drops and much alike her jaw. Soon her face burns a bright red, so she turns her head to the side in an attempt to hide it.
"You know... Despite the sharp tongue you're still a girl on the inside." I ruffle the shortstack's hair.
"Cut it! If you're trying to flirt with me, then I ain't buying it."
"Not like I was in the first place. Just trying to make friends." I assure her, before nodding towards the stool I pulled out for her. Reluctantly the girl climbs up onto the seat and spins around to face me as I take my own.
I barely have time to start attempting to look for the poem I wrote for Natsuki atop a blank jumbo fortune cookie strip before Natsuki harries me to hurry up and such, much like the animes that James showed me.
I forget what the term is...
It was like cooldere but not cool...
Uhhh...
Boomdere?
Fuck.
Can't remember why I remember it rhyming with 'Boom'.
Managing to multitask silencing the passing thought and finding the paper, I exchange poems with Natsuki, who lets out an annoyed harumph before we go to silently read one another's poems. Lucky for me, I remember the first day poems of all the girls. Though if this shit was to continue, I would be lost. Which, I already feeling like I am.
Eagles Can Fly
Monkeys can climb
Crickets can leap
Horses can race
Owls can seek
Cheetahs can run
Eagles can fly
People can try
But that's about it.
After assuring my thoughts that I did remember the poem correctly, I look to Natsuki who seems to also have finished reading my poem before she slides it back to me, as I gently hand her hers...
Poem? No.
This is a poem.
Hear me roar
Or Whimper.
Whatever you think I sound like
I mean nothing.
I mean it.
"Are you copying me? I mean I get it! I'm such a genius writer and all but... Are you?"
"Uhh... Well... It's just that... uhh... That..." I stutter, my plan backfiring under "careful" eye of the pink-eyed observer.
"Come on! Out with it!" She pesters, a look that was a cocktail of everything but sadness.
My hands flail a little as I try to conjure something to make an excuse. Anything at that matter, but all that escapes me is a droning groan.
I need something to say!
I didn't think this far!
FUCK. COME ON! THINK!
"I-I-I..."
Natsuki looks to me to continue.
"Just thought..."
"Yes."
"That maybe a simple poem would be... Easiest to write... without... embarrassing myself?" I inflect unconfidently as she hums unconvinced.
"So you really aren't taking this club seriously."
Just lie. Just lie. Just lie. Suck up to her. Just lie.
"No! Not at all! It's just that I really don't write poetry all too often... So I just wrote something about my frustrations about it! I really want to improve! If anything: your poem is something like how I wanted mine to turn out! Simple but clear in what it wants to say!"
"What!?" She uncharacteristically asks, as she awaits excitedly for my answer. However, she catches herself and manages to return to her stoic look. "Stop lying! You're just sucking up so that you don't look bad."
"No really! Your poem is really good, and not too pretentious and all that."
"Right. You really don't need all those fancy words to say what you mean to say." She closes her eyes indignantly, completely intent on letting those words simmer. However, maybe a thought in her head made her cringe slightly, her lips slightly trembling before she meets eyes with me. "You know thinking about it, yours isn't so bad either. I see what you're trying to say."
Holy shit. Thank God.
Natsuki is either a genius or is like me and stumbles into areas I just HAPPEN to not think about.
At least she's easy to please...
"Thanks. You're a good friend after all."
"W-what? I'm not even TRYING to be nice dummy. Its how you're supposed to act. Not whatever YOU'RE doing."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll take your advice." I casually dismiss, just glad that I pulled out alive.
"You better be thankful."
"I am."
"Good. Now..." Natsuki peeks out of the kitchen to see the girls and turns back to me.
"Seems like they're done sharing. Leaves only you and club pres. to share."
"So uh... What are you doing here then?" I ask, confused why she had a look of annoyance at my question.
"I'm not letting you flirt with the club president, dumbass."
"What?" I ask even more confused.
"You think you're slick flirting with me, but you're not. I'm not gonna let you do anything dumb in front of her." She states- adamant, before she backtracks as she shakes the thought into existence in her head. "I gotta be a good friend and senpai by keeping this club working without your filthy hands ruining it."
"Right..."
...
"So what are you waiting for dumbass!" Natsuki scolds, as I don't react physically to the insult as I lean against the arm of the couch: jaw in palm in contemplation. I look around as the comment falls flat into the awkward and tense atmosphere, even Sayori squirming beneath it as Monika smiles an unknown smile. It seems like she is unfazed by the roiling thoughts in my head as I try to rouse something into existence, but can't. Minutes pass as I continuously glance time-to-time at the other couch: Natsuki boiling over in irritation, Sayori refusing to make eye contact: playing with her fingers and knees, and Yuri's gaze locked onto me: turning away when I so much as glance at her. Natsuki soon goes to make another comment before Monika manages words that ooze disdain for this pretense.
"Shall we?"
I nod, unsure if this plan will work out. I didn't want to probe today, but rather a sort of litmus test: which I would see if it worked would be the basis of this board game we're playing. I finger over the marked halved postcard, denoting the first poem I would show her. A gamble, but if it worked would bring me some sort of solace. Silently we exchange poems as the onlookers watch on with bated breath.
Hole in Wall
It couldn't have been me.
See, the direction the spackle protrudes.
A noisy neighbor? An angry boyfriend? I'll never know. I wasn't home.
I peer inside for a clue.
No! I can't see. I reel, blind, like a film left out in the sun.
But it's too late. My retinas.
Already scorched with a permanent copy of the meaningless image.
It's just a little hole. It wasn't too bright.
It was too deep.
Stretching forever into everything.
A hole of infinite choices.
I realize now, that I wasn't looking in.
I was looking out.
And he, on the other side, was looking in.
I successfully try not to laugh at the irony the poem had in this situation, and I think back to the poem that the now-stoic-faced girl held, reading my poem. I recall writing the poem, laughing my ass off in the sheer parody of hers:
Pornography
She's stuck inside the wall again:
You know just what to do.
They push and pull, and twist and turn;
but little girl can't seem to budge.
Confused, bewildered, shock, and awe;
the crew walks in and screams in glee.
Head's screwed on just a little tight,
try again tomorrow night.
The actress' usually-cool façade melts as a look of disgust or very deep contemplation fills her face as she reads each line. The look silences the thoughts that were flooding my head: which was welcome.
A moment of introspection.
Isn't this all weird?
Why do I act like this whole day is normal?
Not like it's unwelcome but it's...
Weird.
Quickly enough, her usual smile creeps back up onto her face, her hands resisting the urge to crush my poem as they seem to twitch every so often.
"You know... It's a really nice poem!" She lies, a cold bite that I took clear notice of.
"Oh thank you! I spent quite a while writing it." I continue, attempting to uphold this charade.
"Oh really? Then I guess you need to practice writing more?" Natsuki teases which garners a confrontational question from Yuri::
"W-what's that supposed to mean Natsuki?"
"Huh? I'm just saying that if he struggled on a poem like that, then he should reconsider how he acts!"
"I-I... I think that he acts quite nicely in this club, much more appropriately than you do!"
"Oh? Then I guess your boobs magically growing a size bigger as soon as Himura joins the club is appropriate!"
Damn.
"N-Natsuki!"
"Um, Natsuki I don't think that's-" Sayori goes to mediate but the argument between the two has devolved into a shouting match that drowns out her attempt.
"Hey! Calm down!" I shout, which makes the whole room jump from how loud it was.
Oh shit.
Uhhh...
"Sorry about that... Although I'm thankful that Yuri here is trying to defend me and Natsuki is just looking out for me and the club in her own way... I don't think that we should be insulting each other." The two in question then wilt in embarrassment and defeat, refusing to meet anyone's gaze right about now. I turn to Monika as she gives me a blank look, one that is perhaps deep in thought. Though I doubt I'm an empath, something shouted within me to somehow include Sayori:
"If anything we should be doing it behind Mayori's back."
"Hey!" The master exploder shouts, upset by the sudden usage of the nickname
"Uuu... B-but..." Yuri manages, trying to bring closure to the argument and conversation. However Natsuki goes to interrupt, wanting the last laugh:
"But Yuri-"
"No 'but's! Look. You guys have been together longer than you've known me. Come on. And anyhow, if it's come to this then I'll show it if it means you two will stop arguing."
"It? What do you mean?" Natsuki and the president ask in strange unison, which elicits a strange look from me and Sayori.
Oh shit.
Slip of the tongue.
"Himura?" Yuri asks, also intrigued in the beans and cat. I slump back like a depressed jester and fan out the other poems that I had shown the three girls on the coffee table.
"I wrote multiple poems... because..." I paused, as the other girls look through the poems. "I-I don't know... I guess... I feel like... If I wrote something we could talk about and like then I could make some friends... You know?" A sour look crosses Natsuki's face as a irritated one across Yuri's. However, the both of them look to one another, as Yuri goes to apologize.
"Sorry..."
"N-no! I'm sorry."
"Thank you Himura. And-" The previously offended finally chimes, but not today. Part two of my devious plan will continue! Regardless of the milk!
"ON THAT TOPIC! Who wants to see the one I wrote for her!" I interrupt, pulling out the poem on the latter half of a postcard.
Dream
My joints creak and groan.
Your eyes betray
Your words spill
Make art out of me.
Your commands etch
Your strings pull
My code is broken
Rewrite me as such
Inhuman Perfection
Soon dust settles
The curtains reveal
Chiming Automaton
The stage is beautiful
The spotlight is warm
The audience loving
Battery depleting
Broken heart bleeding
But the show must go on
My lines yours to read.
The offended seemingly rips the paper out of my hand as she looks the poem over, and as she finishes it she gives me a deadly glare. The absolute rollercoaster of emotions I put my tormentor just put me in too good of a mood, hell, I began to laugh at how she tried to kill me with the look.
"Himura?"
"I- I..." I bust out laughing some more. "I-It's too fucking good." The angry woman slaps my shoulder. I laugh even louder.
"Monika!? What-" The pain surges through my head again, cutting off my laugh. Concern floods the looks of the other girls as the asshole wears a shit-eating grin, as she mouths out: "Karma".
"I'm fine..." I chuckle before I continue. "Just laughed a little too much..."
"What's so funny about the poem?" Natsuki asks shit-eater, as Yuri goes to comment on my reaction:
"I think I fail to see the humor in a well-written poem."
"Y-you wouldn't understand" I chuckle, trying to stifle the urge to laugh again. "All I have to say is that's a "gift" for her, and that we're even."
"I still don't understand! What's so funny!?" Natsuki turns to me, upset that her first question was left unanswered.
"An inside joke I believe..." Yuri goes to answer, which was more concise than any I could have offered.
"Thanks Yuri..." I flash her a smile before I turn back to Natsuki. "You're right, just she and I had a bit of a... game- No. A bet? Mmm... I don't know, but just know it's friendly... competition."
"You didn't win anything Himura." The defeated comments, but I turn to her for dramatic effect, and fail not to smile.
"Didn't have to, the look on your face was enough of a prize." As the words left my mouth, her face instantly shifts and I bust out laughing again. I'm dying imagining what look was on her face right now, but the rival hits me harder this time. "Ow!" I still can't stop laughing and she strikes me again.
"Okay!"
And again.
"I get it!"
And again.
"DEFINITELY not funny!" I stop laughing. Finally. Though, the cheeky smile never left my face:
"Then- wait... Why the fuck am I telling you this?" I accidently think aloud, which Dr. Lee can only tilt her head, both in 'Go on' and 'That's what I want to know'.
Just wanted to reminisce or something with someone...
Maybe I shouldn't tell her the rest of this, and-
I look towards the clock, and I had eaten up the last half an hour just talking. It was nearing the end of my final mandated session.
"Sorry, guess that morphine hallucination just hit different. Haven't felt like that in a while, felt like I needed to tell someone what dying was like and- Well... Sorry I got emotional and stuff... But like you know, death's different than I thought it was and- Just-" I managed to spitball, before she cuts me off.
"I understand, after all that's happened and the weeks of therapy you and I had to go through, it has been stressful, and even then we haven't talked about everything you wanted to. Well even with that, I wouldn't fault you for feeling you needed to share that."
She paused, as she debated whether or not to bring up what she and I didn't want to say, but ultimately she decided against it.
"I feel like that experience stems from the mental and physical shock of almost dying and wanting to feel like a child again... But I'm glad they were happy."
"Yeah..." I nod, thinking back on how long ago already I had met her and talked about almost all of my problems up until now, and that I was smart enough to cut out the problematic parts after. However, hearing her professional opinion only affirmed that whatever happened in that other life, apart from the first two days of epiphany, would probably go to the grave.
"Well Mrs. Gray, before this session ends, I wanted to talk about cycling off of my medication-" I try to joke and switch topic, in a vain attempt to distract myself from thinking too much into everything.
"Oh yes! That: you should be able to stop cold-turkey today if you want. But if you're not comfortable with possibly experiencing lows, I can put in a prescription for your final dosages of antidepressants and such to ease you out even more."
"Thank you, but I've finally decided to quit cold-turkey. Though, can I swap to stronger pain meds now that I'm off the other stuff?"
"Talk to your primary care doctor for that- Dr. Hasegawa I believe?"
"Yes. I'll check in with him after that." With that I go to leave, but before I could open the heavy wooden door to her office, Dr. Lee calls out to me:
"Mr. Reyes- no... Marcello. If you want to talk, especially after what happened-"
"No. I probably won't Samantha. I think being home after all this time is what I needed." I interrupt, debating to even look her in the eye after all this. However it just felt rude, so I smile unconfidently and a flash of grief washes over the woman, but she nods in defeated understanding.
"Okay. Just..." She swallows, as her eyes scan the floor for words to say. "Don't forget, and be safe."
"You know me, I just can't." I chuckle, gesturing to the wrecked-car of a body I was driving. This also earns a chuckle from her as I go to leave the office for hopefully the last time. "Though it's kinda weird hearing that from someone my age."
"Hey, I would joke right now, but... As a friend: I don't want to see you dead. After everything is said and done, I hope being trapped with me here for the past few months and the calls on the phone hasn't made this awkward. Shane would hate for you to not act the same around him."
"I know, I know. We're not weird. Though, it was hard at first coming to terms that you of all people managed to become a psychologist so young."
"Well, technically not until recently, but yes. Getting into it young."
"Right... Then. Hopefully we don't see each other again in this office Sam."
"Yes. Hopefully. Bye Mark! You're a free man!"
"Yes sir, Mrs. Gray! Finally graduated!"
Though as I finally step through the door and it closes behind me, the smile fades into a far-away memory.
Yeah, I can't forget that either...
Well, that's the second half of that chapter.
Welp. Writing this shitshow got me fucked up too. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm bad at writing.
This one took a while because of work and shit. Also, with the limited time that I had I was making sure that the information in this chapter aligns with the storyboard, so that I don't end up having to rewrite like I did in chapters 1 & 2. However, in that process the next chapter is just about done (though I still have to align it and proofread it). After next week however, I think I should be doing this shit about weekly.
Until next time:
Ciao!