CHAPTER FOUR
Talking wasn't high on their list of priorities, mainly because both of them weren't looking forward to it, but two days later that's what they did. Talked. Sorta. It was late at night and Faith was about to turn in when she heard a familiar knock on her door. Knowing who it was before she even opened it, she unconsciously fixed her hair and readjusted her bra. Not that she was trying to look pretty for—alright, fine, she was. But it was just a habit. They die hard and… all of that. Whatever.
When she opened the door, something was tossed in her direction. Faith catches it out a reflex, then looks down. "Wanna go slaying?" Buffy asks, a little smile on her face. The grin spreads across Faith's.
"Like I'd turn that down." She plays with the stake between her fingers a bit before asking as she grabs her coat. "We teaching the noobs?"
"Nah, most of them still need to rest. Recuperate. Just thought. You know. Just us oldies. It'd give us a chance to…" Buffy trails off, shrugging.
"Do what we gotta do," Faith finishes as she wraps her leather jacket around her. Buffy nods.
Talking while slaying though had to be one the better decisions both of them made. If things got too heated they could kicks some ass and dust some demons without taking it out on each other. There's probably some therapy technique like that, but probably not as violent.
You probably don't breathe in undead fungus after either.
Buffy sneezes after she dusts a vamp, making a face. "Ugh, that went right up my nose."
Faith chuckles a bit as Buffy sneezes again. She leans against a headstone, arms crossed over her chest. "You know, that might be what causes the H&H, if you think about it. Like a drug. Up your nose. All… fuckin' up your system. Maybe it's like slayer cocaine." She laughs a bit.
"I told you I don't get H&H," Buffy retorts, rubbing her nose for good measure. She blinks a bit, then turns to Faith.
"You're full of shit," Faith tells her, smirking. Buffy just ignores her comment, stalking off in the other direction. "I know you get the itch, girlfriend. We all do."
"Come on, there's gotta be more down this way," Buffy says, still ignoring her.
Faith gets off the headstone, the smirk still lingering on her face. They walk together for a bit in silence, the eerily unsettling vibe of the graveyard washing over them. Yeah, there was definitely more around here. But it's faint, so they know they aren't going to come across one any time soon. "So," Buffy starts, the awkwardness back in her voice. "We should…"
"Yeah," Faith agrees, just wanting to get it over with. She plays with the stake in her hands as they walk across the grass. "So how we gonna have this play out? I say sorry, you punch me a couple times, and that's that then?"
"Because that's healthy," Buffy deadpans, but she smirks a bit before shrugging. She sighs. "I don't know. Guess I already punched you out more than enough times, so we can skip that part."
"Good, cause last time I swear you almost dislocated my jaw."
"You had it coming."
"Always do," Faith responds, but it's a sigh. Defeat. Maybe sadness. Fuck it. "Look, I am… y'know. Sorry about, fuck, everything. Taking out my teenage angst on you like it was your fault." She doesn't look at her when she says it, but that's okay because Buffy isn't looking at her either. They just walk side by side through the maze of headstones and trees.
"Part of it was my fault," Buffy says quietly, and it makes Faith's face color in confusion and annoyance.
"Don't do that, B. Fuckin' hate when you do that."
"What?"
"Do the whole self-pity bullshit. Ain't none of that on you, and frankly you don't make it any better when you pretend it is. You can't carry around everything on your shoulders. And my shit ain't yours to deal with," Faith tells her. It makes Buffy stop, turning to look at her. Faith stops too, arms crossed over her chest. She can feel the annoyance radiating off of Buffy. Or maybe it was her own, just reversed cause of the whole connection. It's too complicated to think about extensively, that's for sure.
"I'm not doing anything like that," Buffy retorts. Her own arms fold across her chest, defensive as well. "You're only half of the story, Faith. Now do you wanna stop acting like a brat, shut up, and hear mine? Or do you just wanna throw down since apparently that's all we're good at doing?"
"Name calling is real mature, Buffy."
"Well if you listened for one damn second then maybe I wouldn't have to," Buffy snaps. Faith falls silent though, cocking an eyebrow in her direction as she waits expectantly. "It was just that…" Buffy starts, then sighs. She turns and starts walking again, and Faith follows. "When you came to town you were like… a sister. Almost. We had this connection and it was so amazing and, well, you know. But I got – and I swear if you repeat this to anyone I will personally remove your larynx – I got… jealous. I guess. You were… untamed, I guess would be the word. Everyone loved you and everyone wanted to be you. It pissed me off and I just kind of… shut you out. I made everyone shut you out."
"Think I made everyone shut me out when I switched teams," Faith said softly, but it was only so she could blame herself. Part of her knows what Buffy's saying is true, and that it makes sense. Not that she was gonna blame Buffy for what happened, but maybe if… maybe if it didn't happen like that she wouldn't have felt that she needed to go to someone else for some kind of love and acceptance, even if he was evil.
"Before that," Buffy says, just as softly. The grass crunches beneath their feet as they walk, then finally she says, "So. I'm sorry. About doing that to you."
"It ain't nothin' now," Faith responds, then pulls her arms around herself as she knows it's her turn. Vulnerable. Fuck. She ain't the kind of person that just—this ain't her thing. Sharing. Feelings. Verbal ones, anyway. "But, y'know, I was jealous of you too."
"I know."
Faith looks over at Buffy, pursing her lips together a little. "Family. Friends. The whole nine yards. Think that's why it was always about you. Maybe. Just… trying to destroy the one thing you had that I didn't. Make you feel what it was like. I was just… fuck. An uncontrollable fuckin' time bomb. Didn't know which way I supposed to go, but it seemed I always ended up back at you. It was always about you."
"Because of the jealousy?"
"Something like that," Faith says, knowing full well it isn't just about that. It was always about Buffy because Buffy was her other half, whether she liked it or not. Whether they ever became a whole or were doomed to wander the earth without ever knowing that connection.
"But there's more." It's a soft statement; she already knows. Faith stops, letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. She leans against another headstone, the marble cold underneath her palms as she presses against it.
"Ain't there always, B? With us. It's always more than what… fuck, what it's supposed to be."
Buffy shrugs a little, looking down as she moves to lean on the headstone next to her. There's silence for a moment. Just the sound of the wind blowing through the trees, making the branches creak and the leaves shudder. "It's different with us," she agrees, finally.
"Hundreds, hell, maybe thousands of slayers awakening across the world. So why is it that I can still only feel you like this?" Faith asks her. She doesn't look at her though.
"I don't know," Buffy says. "Probably has to do with destiny, or some prophecy, or another end of the world scenario."
"Figures," Faith scoffs lightly. "Leave it to my feelings to end the freaking world." Another scoff, and the last word is softer, barely even audible. "Again."
"And what feelings are those?" Buffy asks lightly, and Faith can tell she's looking at her now. She can feel her eyes on her, but she doesn't look back.
"Y'know," Faith says softly, meaning more than what she's saying. But she switches it quickly, tries to cover it up to, "Just. The Slayer connection. Whatever."
"You were wrong, you know," Buffy says suddenly, and it makes Faith look over at her. Buffy's eyes meet hers. "About the thing you said before, back in Sunnydale. Us not getting along because we weren't supposed to exist with each other. If that were true, we'd have a whole mess of girls fighting all the time now. Besides, Kendra, before you… yeah, we didn't get along, but there was no… connection. No feeling. No dreams."
"Great then," Faith says with a light sarcasm. "Glad to know we're the only fucked up ones then."
Buffy laughs lightly. "Maybe we are a bit fucked up," she agrees. She nudges Faith a little with her elbow, softly, just getting her attention. "But maybe we should just… stop. The past happened; it was screwed up, yeah, but we can't keep—you know, making everything more of a hell when there's already enough hell all around us. There's just no more time to fight and be childish about it. We got a whole slew of new slayers that need guidance from us and maybe we should, I don't know. Kind of set some sort of example."
"Be adults, you mean?" Faith says, but it's lightly teasing. Buffy smiles a bit, then nods.
"Yeah. We have to grow up sometime."
But Faith isn't listening anymore. She puts a hand on Buffy's arm, stilling her as a smile creeps across her face. "You feel that?" she asks, excitement in her voice.
Buffy stops, a smile forming over her own face. Her eyes twinkle. "Come on," she says, before taking off through the maze of graves, Faith hot on her heels.
This time it was almost like the past again; the perfectly timed banter and fluidity of their movements. Their last slay was two individuals working together. This? Maybe there was something different now. It was more like one slayer in two bodies. Defense and offense; they switched so rapidly but so easily, each giving the other a turn without even having to speak to synchronize their movements. When the stakes came down to deliver that final blow, it was as if there was something that pulled them to do it together, the dust scattering into the wind before their eyes, leaving them facing each other.
"Don't breathe in," Faith jokes.
"Why not? If you're little theory proves right, then I'm already high," Buffy says, smirking. She tucks the stake into her back pocket, dusting off her hands.
"You feelin' it then?" Faith asks, curiosity and wonder peaked in her voice as she takes in Buffy's form. Poised; on edge. Her muscles ripped and ready. A shiver, though Buffy will probably say it's cause of the wind. Oh yeah, she's feeling it.
"I'm not adding to your little perverted fantasies," Buffy tells her, but she's smirking. She hits Faith lightly in the stomach as she starts walking. "Come on."
"Hey, who said you were in my fantasies?" Faith retorts as she follows behind her. "Conceited a bit, aren't we?"
Buffy snorts, "Let's not kid ourselves, F." It's said lightly, teasing, but it makes Faith wonder how much she really knows about how she feels about it. About her. About everything. But if she does know, it also makes Faith wonder why the hell she isn't running screaming or kicking her ass into next Sunday. But that little window of opportunity makes her try to stick her head through. Or maybe up her ass, depending on how this goes.
"So you wanna hit a bar with me? Feed the hungries a bit?" Faith asks. It's light, but all she can think about in her head is how much it just sounds like she just asked her out on a fuckin' date. "We can find someone else to take care of that other H there too," she adds as an afterthought, just trying to make it not sound like she was asking her out.
"I don't pick up like you do," Buffy tells her as they walk out of the graveyard and down the street. "And frankly? Rather not see you do it either. Would like to keep my food down."
"Ha, ha," Faith says dryly. But then she shrugs. "Fine, just us then. No beefsticks or rug munchers. Whatever. One H down is better than none."
Buffy shifts her eyes a bit to look over at her. "You do play both sides then?" she asks, curious. But she shakes her head a little, as if deciding she doesn't want to get into that whole thing, and says instead, "Nevermind. Yeah, food sounds good."
It wasn't until an hour later, when they sat at the bar with enough food in front of them that could probably feed a small army, that that conversation is revisited. Faith didn't know why it really mattered much to Buffy, or maybe she was just trying to… hell, bond, or some weird crap like that. "So," Buffy starts, waving a french fry about absentmindedly. "This girl thing. When'd that start?"
When I met you. But Faith doesn't say that, thank god, she just shrugs instead. "Y'know. Prison. Girl-lovin' only up in there. Unless you wanna boink the guards and – ew. Ain't desperate enough for all that. Though one bastard did try to rape me," Faith laughs a bit at that while Buffy looks horrified. "Hey," she says noticing her look. "Come on, like it would have ever gone down like that. Mother fucker got his face busted and his shoulder dislocated. Spent awhile in solitary for that, but it was worth it."
"Jesus," Buffy says, taking that in. Her eyes widen and she pops the fry into her mouth. But she lets it go, changing the conversation back. Well, sort of back. Now they were on the whole relationship conversation that they sort of had back in the dressing room. "So have you ever actually had a connection with someone that was… meaningful?"
"As in, lasting for more than a night?" Faith asks, picking up her jack and coke and taking a sip as she peered over at her.
"Yeah."
"No. Well, I don't know. In prison there was this girl. We fucked on a pretty regular basis, but maybe that's cause you can't exactly get some and get gone in that joint. Wouldn't call it a relationship though."
"So what would you call it? Did you like her?" Buffy pries, though she does it in a way that makes her seem like she's being casual about it. She's not looking at her, just saying words in between poppin' french fries in her mouth. Faith knits her eyebrows together.
"Seriously. What's with the sudden curiosity?"
Buffy lets out a dramatic sigh, rolling her eyes for effect. "I'm just trying to, I don't know, have some sort of normal conversation with you. One that doesn't involve screaming or angst. Is that a crime now?"
"No. It's just weird," Faith says honestly, picking at the food on her plate. She was starting to get full.
"Fine. Then we'll talk about something else," Buffy decides, but Faith doesn't want to. That other H was sticking its' head in where it doesn't belong, especially with Buffy around.
"Nah, you know what? We should probably head back," Faith says, making a point to look out towards the door instead of at Buffy.
"Oh," Buffy says, surprised. Maybe disappointed? But Faith couldn't put her finger on it. "Yeah, that's fine. Tomorrow I guess we should start figuring out where we're all going to go too. We can't stay here forever."
"Don't think I'd want to," Faith responds as she slaps some money on the counter to pay for the bill. "That place gives me the creeps."
"The heeby-jeebies," Buffy agrees. She starts to pull some money out to pay for her part, but Faith waves it off.
"I got it, B."
"And where did you get money?"
"Same place you did: Angel. Come on, let's get out of here. That guy over there looks like he's five seconds from comin' over and trying to get you in the sack," Faith tells her, standing up. Buffy looks over to where she was motioning too.
"Oh, ew," she says, giggling. It makes Faith crack a smirk, but then the guy starts moving towards them. Faith rolls her eyes.
"I got this," she says, and puts an arm around Buffy's waist. Buffy looks surprised for a minute, but Faith is looking over at the guy, cocking an eyebrow and giving him a 'don't you dare' look. He stops in his tracks, almost gawking at the two of them.
Buffy laughs, "Oh, my hero."
"You know me," Faith jokes, leading her out the door. Maybe her arm lingered around her a little longer than it should, but Buffy didn't push her off. It was all just a joke anyway. Shits and giggles. Fucking around with some guy just cause they could.
But when her arm does fall back to her side, she realizes how much she missed it. How much she could still almost feel it. The tingles; the heat that comes with it. The everything.
Even if it did mean nothing at all.
TBC…