Well I thought that since I had written the entire story that I could be speedy and update quickly but I am rewriting the ending so bear with me. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this and to Tiggrmommi for dealing with the rewrites.
I do not own.
I said goodbye to my mother at the airport. She was catching a flight to Florida later on that day and I waited with her for a little while before heading downstairs to claim my luggage. She gave me one last hug and a kiss before assuring me that everything would be okay. I promised to call her one last time before hugging her yet again and heading to the baggage claim area. As I took the escalator down to luggage claim I was surprised to see Charlie waiting for me.
"Bells," he ran to me and surprised me by giving me a big hug. "I've missed you. Did you have a good time? Was it nice there?" He asked many more questions that I didn't hear but responded to. I just went on and on about how nice Greece was and Charlie was pacified as he loaded my luggage onto a cart and wheeled it to the car. As we drove into town I tried to not notice how different Forks was from where we had just been. It was green and cool here when I was used to warmth and brightness. I didn't mind too much as it fit the mood that I was in at the moment.
Before too long we were back home and I excused myself to my room, telling Charlie that I was exhausted after my trip. I took my luggage upstairs and placed it in the corner of my room, not ready to deal with anything that might remind me of those magical days. Opening it up and putting everything away would be the final closure on those days and I wasn't ready to say goodbye quite yet. I took my jacket off and went to my bed. The tears fell unbidden from my eyes onto my pillow and as I raised my hand to wipe them away my bracelet caught my eye causing the tears to fall even harder. What had I been thinking, why had I been so stupid? It had seemed like the right idea at the time, no ties, no worries, just living in the moment. But now as I lay here on my bed I realized that just because I had said the words didn't mean that I wouldn't think of him every second of every day. His hold on me transcended Greece and I was a fool to ever think that I wouldn't regret not trying to find a way to make this work.
Eventually I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon and eggs cooking downstairs. I made my way down and realized that I was famished. I had never been more grateful for the fact that my father was a man of few words than I was at that moment. He took one look at my face which I knew from my detour to the bathroom was red and puffy still and just placed a plate in front of me. He sat down next to me and just squeezed my hand before he started eating. We ate in silence but it wasn't uncomfortable and I took the dishes to the sink after we were both done. I didn't know what his plans were for the day but I selfishly hoped that he had somewhere else to be so that I could wallow in my despair for a few more hours. As he grabbed his jacket off the chair I knew that my prayers had been answered.
"I'm going to watch the game with some of the guys from work. I thought you might need some time to rest still," he looked tentative and I knew that if I said the word he would stay here with me but I needed silence.
"Have a great time Dad. I'll have dinner waiting," he smiled and made his way to his car and once again I was all alone. I puttered around the house for a while and it was obvious that it hadn't really been cleaned while I was gone so that occupied a few hours of my time. It helped to keep my mind from wandering and I was grateful for the relief. When the house was clean I decided that a need for groceries were in order so I headed to the store. When everything else I could think of doing in order to waste time was done I went to my room and stared at the luggage sitting in the corner of the room. Today still wasn't the day so I decided to focus on getting ready for college. It would be here before I knew it and I hoped that when I got there I could throw myself into school and not dwell on what had happened in Greece.
I kept myself busy the next few weeks with packing up for school and sending things to the dorms ahead of me. I was rooming alone because I was anxious about living with a stranger and now I was wishing that I had almost had someone in the room with me so I wouldn't have to be alone anymore. I got together with friends to say goodbye and I tried to spend as much time with Charlie as possible. I was desperate to keep every single minute filled with activity so that I could fall into bed at night exhausted and not have to dream about my time in Greece.
Charlie realized that I was quieter and sadder than before I had left for Greece but he seemed to assume that it was because I was leaving soon. Thankfully Charlie respected my privacy and didn't press me or ask me questions that I wasn't quite able to answer. My mother had no such boundaries and would question me relentlessly about what I had been doing in order to find Edward and was always disappointed when my answer was always the same…nothing. I tried talking to her as little as possible because dealing with my own thoughts and desires was more than enough. I didn't need to hear about hers as well.
Before too long my last night at home was upon us. My father and I ordered a pizza and sat down together to watch the Mariners game.
"I'm going to miss you Bells. If you ever need anything you can call me at anytime you know that right?"
"I know that Dad. Thanks, I'm going to miss you too," we sat there staring at each other awkwardly. I still had packing to do upstairs but I was reluctant to head up there. I was dreading saying goodbye yet again. I had said goodbye to far too many important people in my life lately. We watched the end of the game in silence and we washed the dishes together afterwards. I leaned my head against his shoulder as we finished up and he wrapped his arm around my back. We walked that way upstairs and when we reached my door he gave me a big hug.
"I love you sweetie," I whispered the words back and he waited until I was in my room before he headed to his own. I had one last suitcase to pack and it was the one thing I had been dreading since I had returned. Knowing that I had no other choice I lifted the large suitcase onto my bed and slowly opened it up. Everything was just how I had left it when I packed that last night in Greece. My eyes watered and I couldn't bear to take anything out, to part with the memories so I put the few things left on top and quickly closed it back up again. Perhaps at some point in the next few months I would be ready to deal with it but at the moment it was still too fresh. I put my suitcase next to the door and got ready for bed.
I fell into a restless sleep. Sleep hadn't been restful since I had returned from Greece. Every time I closed my eyes I could only think of him. I didn't allow myself to think of him any more than necessary, if only it were that easy. It wasn't something that I was able to control. The green of the trees reminded me of his eyes; the smell in the air after it rained reminded me of him. Everywhere I was, everything I saw somehow made me think of him. I hadn't even looked at my pictures from the trip because I knew that on our last day my mother had used my camera to take a picture of us together and I wasn't quite ready to look at that.
I had finally fallen asleep when my alarm went off. I gathered up my luggage and headed downstairs to where Charlie was waiting for me. Without a word we got into the car and headed out to the airport. He started to head to the parking lot but I stopped him.
"Go ahead and just drop me off Dad. You don't need to be sitting around an airport all morning."
"I would be sitting with you though Bella and that is where I want to be right now."
"Thanks Dad but I can't stand a long drawn out goodbye." He looked at me before finally moving to the drop off zone.
"If that's what you want honey." He pulled up against the curb and helped me get my luggage out. We gave each other a quick hug and said one last goodbye. I watched as he drove away before heading inside to check in.
I read a book but retained nothing as I waited for my plane to board. When finally I was seated on the plane I realized that I was heading to college. I waited for excitement to kick in but all I felt was nothing.
Before my trip to Greece when I thought about going away to college I was anxious. I was anxious to start this new chapter of my life and to get away from Forks. Now though when I thought about college I was ambivalent. I couldn't stop thinking of him and I hoped that college would keep me occupied enough so that I wouldn't think of him every free second that I had like I had been lately.
As the plane took off I thought about the last time I flew out of Seattle and how worried I had been about the trip my mother had planned. I had been so wrong and I now I wished that I was going back there, back to him, wherever he might be. When the plane landed I got a cart for my luggage and then looked around for the ride that I had arranged to have waiting for me.
The next few days kept me too busy to dwell on anything other than college and for that I was grateful. I got settled into my dorm and walked around to learn the campus before classes started. I waited in what seemed to be line after line. Books, food, orientation, there was always somewhere to be. I was overwhelmed by how large the campus was and how many people there was everywhere. I could walk to the same place every single day and never see the same person twice. Every night I went to bed exhausted and didn't even dream.
Before long the first day of school was here and I went to my Chemistry class looking forward to meeting some new people. I had met quite a few people in the dorms and everyone had been very friendly. I had even gone to a few meals with a group of people and was very slowly beginning to open up and try to make an effort to make some friends.
I sat down at the lab table and took out my book and a notebook while I waited for class to begin. I alternated between hoping that someone would sit down next to me and hoping that I had the desk to myself. It didn't take long before the seat was occupied though. I saw the shadow before I saw the person and I was a bit taken aback at the imposing person sitting next to me. That was the only way I could think of to describe him. He had to be at least 6'6" and his skin was a dark russet color. His long thick black hair was pulled back with a rubber band. He looked at me and smiled and he looked like a little boy trapped in a man's body.
"I'm Jacob," he held out his hand and I couldn't help but smile when I shook it.
"Bella. It's nice to meet you," just then the Professor walked in and we didn't have a chance to talk anymore.
We walked out of the room together and he stopped me as I went to head to my next class. "Do you have any plans tonight Bella? I was thinking we could grab a bite to eat," he looked at me and I didn't have the nerve to take the look of happiness off of his face.
"Sure that would be nice," we agreed to meet at the quad later on and I spent the rest of the day in class and didn't even think about. When I got back to the dorm I wondered why I was even doing this. I was in no place to lead anyone on but this was just a dinner not the beginning of a relationship. Besides I didn't have his number or any way of getting a hold of him in order to cancel and I didn't want to be rude.
I pulled on some jeans and made my way over to meet him. His face lit up when he caught site of me and I realized that I would have to make it clear from the beginning that I only wanted to be friends.
"I'm so glad that you could make it Bella. Thanks." He grabbed my hand and led me to the Student Union where we could get some food. As we sat at the table the silence started to become uncomfortable.
"So Jacob how do you like it here so far?"
"Well I really like it. My roommate is a little annoying, always playing sad music and locking himself in his room. Other than that I'm having a good time though. Better now that I have met you," he smiled at me and I realized that I couldn't lead him on.
"Thanks Jacob. It's nice to have a friend here," he looked at me as if I had just challenged him. "I just got out of a relationship before I got here Jacob and I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
"Hey who said I was looking for a relationship? I just asked you dinner Bella. Don't jump the gun now Bella. Wow, someone is a little full of herself," he started laughing and couldn't help but join in.
We spent the rest of the meal talking and laughing. I felt comfortable with him and for the first time since I had gotten back from Greece I didn't think of Edward for a small window of time. It was a small step but at least it was a step. I went to bed that night and didn't dream of anything for the first time in a long time.
A/N – Rewriting the next chapter too so hope to have it up in about a week and a half. Thanks again for taking the time to read this!!
Jaime