A/N: Damn, eight reviews in less than 24 hours? I should torture ya'll with cliffhangers more often. Haha.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

She's definitely going to turn into an alcoholic.

Faith sat at the bar, downing her fourth shot of Jack Daniels in ten minutes. Maybe the bar down the road wasn't the best choice to go to, but she sure as hell wasn't gonna end up back at the ranch cause she just can't deal with that right now. Can't deal with Buffy. Can't deal with drunk Buffy, who's probably pissed off that she just took off after they got a little hands on against a brick fuckin' wall in the freezing cold.

It didn't make sense.

Alright, the liquor part made sense. Liquor makes people do funny things. It dulls reality and twists it into making the worst possible scenario look like a friggin' field of flowers. And it wasn't like she's saying that it wasn't the best damn moment she's ever had in her life, because it was. It was like a dream come true, minus the harsh reality of booze and bad timing. Cause that's what it's gotta be, right? Just bad timing. Buffy was drunk and Faith was just there and it was all some kind of stupid drunken mistake that Buffy's gonna realize she made when she wakes up in the morning with the hangover from hell.

Hopefully she's drunk enough to forget the part where Faith told her she's been in love with her forever. Maybe Faith will get lucky and she'll forget about the whole thing. But her luck never works like that.

She's such a fuckin' moron sometimes she wonders how the hell she's managed to survive this long. One night of touchy-feeliness and Faith jumps to the conclusion that somehow, from some bizarre twist of fate, Buffy had the hots for her? She was drunk. She was just fucking drunk.

Like Faith's getting right now. Though by now Faith's probably three sheets past the damn wind more than Buffy. With all she drank at the club and now, as she orders her, fuck, maybe sixth, seventh shot of the night in this place, her vision is more than just a little fucked off and she's in a daze that she can't snap herself out of. All her slayer balance doesn't help her right now, she sways a bit as she stands herself up, gripping the counter to steady herself. She vaguely hears the bartender cutting her off, but it doesn't matter. One more and she's definitely going to puke. Might do it now, just because.

But it was all fucked up. So fucked up. It's not real, any of this.

She's not really sure how she made it back to her room. She knows she fell twice trying to go up the stairs because the stupid elevator didn't work. She swears she was pushing the damn button, but she might be seeing double right now so she probably was just pushing the duplicate. Fuck. Whatever. She's just gonna pour herself into bed, and probably not get out of it until enough time has passed that Buffy isn't going to feel the need to punch her for taking advantage of her when she was wasted. Days? Months? Years? Really doesn't matter. This was one thing she doesn't want to face.

Her bedroom door falls open with a crash as she stumbles, still holding onto the door handle as she collapses against it and into her room. She swears, picks herself up, and then realizes the lights are on. She didn't leave them on. At least, she didn't think so. But hell, she wasn't even sure of her own name at the moment.

"Faith?"

Oh right, that's what her name is.

Faith stands up and tries to focus her vision on the source of the sound. She blinks once, twice, trying to make the three Buffy's stop doing their dance and move back into being one entity. "What the fuck you doin' here, B?" She manages to get out, squinting a bit. Too much light. One hand slams against the wall, sliding down to flip the switch. There, that's better. Now to move on to more important things; like sitting before she falls.

"You just… left."

"Aware of that," Faith slurs as she stumbles over to her bed, landing on it with a crash. She doesn't care though. She didn't break it, so whatever. She rolls on her back and stares at the ceiling, trying to get a hold on her screwed up vision. She's vaguely aware of Buffy sitting next to her, but it doesn't matter.

"Then you're aware you're an asshole?" Buffy snaps, still a bit drunk herself. Faith can hear it in the tone of her voice. Buffy looks down at her, how upset she is written all over her face, and yet she still feels the need to shriek, "How could you do that to me?!"

"Christ, B. Can it, will ya?" Faith hisses at her before she takes a pillow and pulls it over her head, holding it over her ears. Fuck, she didn't need to be that loud. Damn near echoed in her skull.

"No, Faith, what the fuck!" Buffy yells, grabbing the pillow from Faith and throwing it across the room. Faith growls, but doesn't move. She's not sure she can. "And how much have you been drinking?"

"A couple. A few. Maybe a boat full. I don't know, I need to pass out, can't you scream at me in the morning?" Faith asks in what sounded like an intoxicated tone even to her drunk ears, and she makes a face and closes her eyes. Good. Fucking. NIGHT.

"NO!" Buffy yells, and slaps her face to wake her up. It isn't hard, but it makes Faith jerk back, her eyes flying open. "No, you are not just gonna 'get some, get gone' me, Faith! What the fuck is your issue?! Do you tell every woman you come across that you're in love with her? That's screwed up!"

"The fact that you just fucking touched me would be one of my issues right now," Faith growls as she sits up, trying to fight the dizziness. She glares at Buffy, trying to keep her image as one person, not two. She closes one eye. Alright, that makes it a bit better. "And just fuck off, will you? You really think I tell every bitch I meet that? I don't have to resort to that crap to get in people's pants. In case it escaped your notice, I'm fucking hot."

"You don't just say something like that and run, Faith! You can't do this to me! Here I am with this messed up realization that I might be one big fat lesbian for you, and you just… run away like some stupid prick!" Buffy exclaims as she pushes Faith back. She's just trying to make her point, and it wasn't rough, but when Faith's drunk her defenses kick in cause she's vulnerable while intoxicated, and her fist swung before she even realized she had moved.

After that, everything was a blur. And when Faith woke up the next morning with the hangover from hell, stark fuckin' nude with a naked Buffy in her bed, it startled her so bad that she jumped up, scrambled backwards… and fell right on the floor.

"FUCK!" she yells, the pain shooting up her spine. That wakes up Buffy, who's hazy in her disorientation from her own hangover… until she looks down at herself, looks over at Faith… and screams. Fucking screams.

Great.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Faith asks as she tries to pick herself off the floor, looking around at the state of the room. Practically everything was trashed.

"Oh my god," Buffy says, grabbing Faith's sheets and clutching them close to her chest to obstruct her nudity from Faith's view. "Did we have sex?"

"How do you not know?!" Faith yells, suddenly angry because if she had sex with Buffy and didn't remember it that just sucks on so many different levels. But it wasn't just that. She didn't like when she blacked out. She doesn't like not knowing what went on in her own life. That scared her. "Out of both of us, you were the least trashed last night!"

"Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god," Buffy repeats, eyes wide. "Oh god, oh god."

"Alright, enough!" Faith snaps, needing to get Buffy out of her little terrorized moment that apparently the thought of sleeping with her does. She grabs her head as pain shoots through her temples. Fuck. This so isn't good. She sits back down on the bed, grabbing her aspirin out of the bedside table drawer and swallowing three without water. She puts her head in her hands and tries to think, but she only remembered bits and pieces. "Last thing I remember, I punched you out," Faith says in a low voice, just trying to contribute something. She doesn't look at her.

"I…" Buffy starts and then clears her throat, blinking a bit as she tries to think. "I remember us fighting…"

"Anything else?" Faith asks, though it comes out more of a groan. She runs her fingers through her hair and bends down, picking up their clothes on the floor. She throws Buffy hers without a word.

"We. We, uh. We kissed," Buffy says, though it sounds like it's difficult coming out of her mouth. She starts to put back on her clothes, but Faith just sits there, frustrated with the world.

"In the alley. I remember that at least."

"No," Buffy says quietly. "After that. In here." That makes Faith turn to her.

"We try to kill each other and then make out?" Faith scoffs, even though it's really not that funny. "Sounds like us." Kinda fuckin' sad in a way. She shakes her head. "Anything else?"

"Well I don't remember getting naked, if that's what you mean," Buffy snaps, her own hangover making her moody. She pulls her shirt over her head, looking at her in a way that Faith couldn't decipher. Buffy should come with a user manual.

"Well, fuck. One way to find out if we had sex…" Faith says, then slips her fingers over herself. Buffy's eyes go wide as Faith feels around.

"What are you doing? Stop!"

She ignores her protests. She was going to find out one way or another. "We didn't have sex," Faith tells her finally, withdrawing her hand. "Least, you didn't fuck me." Buffy's looking at her like she's insane. And she might be, but not for this.

"And how can you tell that?"

"Pelvic bone, B. If you'd have fucked me… slayer strength. It would have been bruised from your knuckles hitting it."

"Oh god," Buffy says again, putting her head in her hands. "I didn't need that mental image…"

This was what Faith was afraid of. This is why she ran the fuck away. She was drunk, and she regrets it. It didn't take a genius to figure that one out. Buffy looks like she swallowed jagged rocks and is about to throw them all back up. Faith bites the inside of her cheek, trying not to think about that. She wasn't about to have some hangover induced breakdown right now. She has more important things to do.

"You gotta check," she tells Buffy quietly. She knows this isn't going to go over well.

"What? No! I am not… NO!"

"I need to know if I fucked you, Buffy!" Faith yells as she finally grabs her shirt and pulls it over her head. "Fuck, this is important, so just do it."

"I am not going to stick my hand down my pants in front of you!"

"Then do it in the fuckin' bathroom. I don't give a shit, just do it, will ya?! Damn!" Faith yells, and Buffy stares at her for a long time before she gets up in a huff, throwing the covers at Faith for good measure, and storming into the bathroom. The door closes with a slam.

A minute passes and Buffy finally reemerges. "Well?" Faith asks, her heart speeding up. She's praying she didn't do anything stupid last night.

"No. No, you didn't…"

Buffy makes her way over to the bed and sits down heavily, right next to Faith. She puts her head in her hands and sighs, staring at the floor. The two women are silent for awhile, just trying to remember last night as best they could. But nothing new appears in their memories, so they're both left with nothing.

"Figures," Faith says quietly, mostly to herself.

"What?" Buffy asks, just as quiet. She looks over at her.

"That we tried to fuck but couldn't. Sounds like us too," Faith says, distaste coloring her tone. Disgust at herself, at the whole situation.

"Why do you assume we tried to have sex?" Buffy asks, slightly accusing, but with not enough effort for it to piss Faith off.

"You think we got naked for shits and giggles, B?" Buffy doesn't say anything, just looks away from her. "Yeah, didn't think so."

"Look I can't… I can't handle any of this right now," Buffy stammers, running her hands up her pant legs nervously. She doesn't look at her when she talks either, but Faith didn't expect as much. "This is too much. All of it. You. Me. Us. Kissing? I mean… it's just too much."

"Which I why I fuckin' stopped it. You were ready to bring me back to your room after the alley," Faith snaps, just cause she wishes she didn't hear that. She needs to put some of the blame on Buffy too. It was partly her fault, after all. Getting all drunk and stupid and just fucking with Faith's emotions.

That makes Buffy look over at her, "Yeah…" she says, trailing off a bit. She chews on her bottom lip for a moment before saying softly. "Thanks. For that."

Faith looks at her surprised. "Out of the hundreds of things I thought you would've said to that, that wasn't one of them." Buffy's just quiet though, and Faith plays with her hands, nervous. She needed to ask. She sure as hell probably doesn't want to know the answer, but she's gotta ask, "…What do you remember about the alley?"

"Everything," Buffy says quietly. She doesn't meet her gaze.

"Great," Faith says, sarcastically, as she gets up and starts fucking pacing. "Just… fucking great." She runs her fingers through her hair, frustrated. So Buffy knew she was in love with her. That's just… great.

"Faith…"

"Really don't wanna hear it. Don't think my sanity can handle hearing it," Faith interrupts, holding her hand up to her to silence her as she still paces back in forth and front of the older girl. She was probably making her dizzy, but she didn't care.

"I'm just not ready yet," Buffy tells her honestly, completely disregarding Faith's plea for her to just not right now. "This is too fast. This is way too fast. Scary fast. I need a second to just let it sink in that I'm…"

"That you're what?" Faith asks, stopping finally to stand in front of her.

Buffy looks up at her, but looks uncomfortable to admit, "That I'm maybe, sort of… attracted to you. On some weird messed up level that makes no sense because of… us. And also, secondly? Women? Hi, didn't see that one coming." She sighs, then waves her hand absentminded. "Or woman, whatever."

"Welcome to my nightmare, B. Been here for about five years now."

Buffy looks surprised by that revelation, that it's been so long, and she takes a breath. She reaches out to take Faith's hand, pulling her back down to sit on the bed next to her. "I just… need some time, okay? My head hurts and I can't remember last night which is scary, and I know you… that you… you…" she seems to be trying to find the words to say, then finishes with, "that you have… feelings for me… and, okay, yeah, didn't really see that one either. Sexy feelings, yes. With the nakedness and stuff. I saw that. But real feelings? The kind with the romantic snugglies and the whatever else? No. That… that I missed."

"Yeah, well," Faith mumbles. It's the only thing she can get out. Buffy is still holding her hand though, and so it makes her feel a bit better that she's obviously not running screaming.

"And what if this doesn't work out?" Buffy says suddenly, fear in her voice. "I mean, what if we do the naked thing, and maybe the flowers and candy thing, and then we have another big fight and hate each other forever? That scares me. And I know that we won't always get along, and that I've always been like I don't care if you're here or there but when you're not around it feels like I'm missing something. And I don't know if that's the connection or something more, but I don't want it to go away if we screw everything up. I like that feeling. The feeling of us." She pauses, but only for a second. "And what if I have sex with you wrong? Oh god. I mean it's not like I'm experienced in the way of the lesbians, here."

"I don't think you can really do it wrong, B," Faith says, a hint of amusement in her voice from her little rant. The way of the lesbians? Really?

"I just… I need time," Buffy tells her, squeezing her hand a little. "And probably some space. So I can just… figure out what I want. Okay?"

Faith just nods, and she misses the feeling of Buffy's hand as she slips it away. Faith takes a breath, trying to just… relax. Because that? That didn't go as bad as she thought it would. Compared to what she was expecting, that just set off fireworks.

Buffy gets up, about to leave, when she turns back around again. "I don't know how long it'll take," she tells her, or maybe warns her. "And I don't expect you to wait around for me. So if you…"

The only thing Faith can do is nod, but that's probably because she can't find her voice. After Buffy leaves, she just sits there for a little while, just trying to come to terms that something might actually happen between the two of them. Something real. That there is something real, somewhere, hidden deep down. If there wasn't then Buffy wouldn't be doing this.

It seemed so much like a fantasy, but when Faith stands up, feeling the soreness from the fight they had last night, she smiles. Bruises never felt so good.

TBC…