I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…
What???! Did he just ask me if I want to be a vampire? He couldn't have. Could he? I mean… that path was lost to me… Wasn't it? My mind was racing, trying everything to come up with any other explanation for his words. Surely I must have heard him wrong and I dared not allow myself to hope. Yet here I was, looking into the thoughtful, solemn eyes of the head of the Cullen family, the one who had never taken a human life, had never turned anyone who wouldn't die otherwise, and there was nothing in them but earnestness
"What?" I blurted after a few seconds of stunned silence. "I mean, did you… are you… did…" I couldn't for one coherent question, so I saved my voice. Glancing around me, I took in the others' expressions, trying to glean some insight into what was probably a misconstrued situation. Maybe he was just making sure I didn't have any silly notions in my head that it could happen. That must be it.
Alice was excited, practically bouncing up and down… no, scratch practically… she was bouncing up and down. Jasper watched me curiously, likely trying to make sense of my whirlwind of emotions. Emmett had a grin wider than his own face and his eyes were lit up like Christmas. Rose looked… pissed. There was no other word for it. Pissed. Esme looked like a mother; proud and sweet. Carlisle looked interested and a little curious, but there was some concern there, too. Finally, I made it to Edward. Stoic as he tried to be – and I had to hand it to him that he hadn't yet reacted violently – he looked like his father figure had punched him in the face. He was hurt, angry, betrayed, saddened, and I saw the pain as clearly as if it were my own.
"Yes, Bella" Carlisle clarified, bringing me back from the abyss that was Edward's expression "I am asking you if you still wish to become a vampire."
"Uh… I… uh…" I replied eloquently. If I kept this up, they would probably rescind their offer. What did I say to that, though? That life was lost to me forever, and here it was, on my doorstep. I loved the Cullens and the thought of eternity with them was… but just the sight of Edward's face… It was clear he didn't want to spend an eternity being reminded of what he lost.
I was so tired of making choices in my life based on everyone else, but…. If I joined the Cullens, he would spend forever having to choose between wallowing in misery, reminded every day of his pain, or staying away from his own family. I didn't want to give up my family, either – and they were my family now – but… could I do that to Edward?
"There's no need for you to answer tonight, dear." Esme assured me gently, moving around the table to stand behind me and rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I'm sure you're very tired. Why don't you go on up and get some rest. We can talk about this later." Still unable to find words, I nodded at the table, rising from my chair.
I started for the stairs on auto-pilot, making it halfway up before I realized I didn't have anywhere to go. I always stayed in Edward's room when I came over. Where did I stay now?
"Alice, why don't you show Bella to her room?" I heard Esme's kind voice drift up to where I had frozen mid-step, preparing to turn around. Alice had flitted to my side before I'd had time to react.
"Come on, Bella!" she squealed. I made it up almost two more steps before she lost her patience with my human slowness. She scooped me up in one swift movement, racing up the stairs. By the time I had squealed her name with what little breath I had left in my lungs, she was placing me gently on my feet again in front of one of the many doors.
Seeing that Alice was going to wait for me to do it myself, I opened the simple white door to reveal a dreamlike haven beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Within the confines of those four beautifully decorated walls was breathing space, privacy. That simple space was freedom and independence; it was my autonomy, my own retreat.
Looking at the simple designs, the homey feel, it was clear that Esme was responsible. Everything was bright and clean and done up old fashioned. A huge four poster bed graced the center of the room and the hodgepodge of antique furniture and fixtures accented it beautifully as did the creams and greens of the walls.
I noted a small bookshelf on either side of the bed and a time worn rocking chair in one corner. The best part about it was the amazing hand-made quilt draped across the bed. Running my fingers across the flowing surface, I was drawn in to the detail. I had never seen anything that had even come remotely close to the handwork. I looked questioningly at Alice, who uttered one word, the only word I should have expected "Esme."
Sighing my admiration, I walked slowly around the room, taking in every detail before grabbing my bag and heading out for my 'human moment'. I cleaned up quickly, trying not to let my mind wander to the implications of tonight's conversation, but what else is there to do while you're brushing your teeth?
My mind was racing a mile a minute as I made my way back to my own private oasis. I flung myself into the bed, knowing I would never be able to sleep, and let out a huge sigh. I regretted the sound immediately as I was reminded by the almost instantaneous knock on the door that everyone in the house was able to hear it.
"Come in." I said, sure to keep my voice polite. I had to work hard to suppress my internal groan. I didn't want to see Edward or Alice or whoever it was, and have them try to cheer me up. I just wanted… I don't know… I wanted… peace.
"Bella?" came a smooth, but tentative voice from the slightly opened door. A pair of cautious honey eyes peered in at me. "May I come in?"
"Jasper?" Well, I didn't expect that one. I sat up quickly, crossing my legs to face him. "Uh… y-yeah… come in!" I half stuttered, half squeaked. Jasper hadn't exactly spent a lot of time with me. The most we had ever been together had been in the hotel when James was after me. He had never really initiated any contact with me in the past, so I was shocked to see him knocking at my door.
"I don't mean to disturb you, Bella." He spoke sympathetically, his look one of concern and careful kindness.
"It's fine Jasper, really. I was just a little… surprised. Please, come on in." I motioned for him to come closer than the single step he had taken into the room. He obliged, cutting the distance between us in half, all the while watching me as if he thought I might scream in terror if he moved too fast or came too close.
I appreciated him closing the door behind him, giving some illusion of privacy even though I knew there was no such thing in this house. I wondered absently when Edward would come bursting in to object to our close proximity.
"Bella, I… I can feel your emotions – have been feeling them all evening – and… well, it seemed to me like perhaps you were ready for a break from them." He looked down at the floor, almost seeming ashamed, but he raised his thoughtful eyes to meet mine again and continued. "I thought you might like a little help relaxing. I could even help you sleep if you'd like…"
He trailed off, seeming a little unsure of himself. Maybe he thought he was intruding. Maybe he had decided I didn't like him or that I was afraid of him. Realizing that I was staring at him in shock as he waited for an answer, I struggled to pull my thoughts together and come up with some sort of intelligent response for him – preferably in the form of words.
"Um…" yeah, that'll help. "Thank you, Jasper." I recovered "That sounds… nice. I think I would like that." He smiled the most warm, open smile I had ever seen on anyone before. I stared in astonishment at all that was hidden behind that proud and happy grin.
Immediately, I felt a feeling of fulfillment, gladness, pride, and satisfaction. It took me only a moment of soaking up the emotions as I watched the absolute delight on Jasper's face to comprehend that I was feeling what Jasper was feeling right now.
He wasn't sending me fabricated emotions based on memory, he was exuding his own. I had never felt anything like this coming from him before and I wondered where these feelings were coming from.
"Wow." I told him, taken aback by the intensity of it all "This is… It's just… Wow." He chuckled softly; a sound I had never heard from him before and took another tentative step, still watching my every move and expression, and no doubt feeling out every hint of emotion, as if I might want to stop him.
"It's okay, Jasper." I assured him. "I'm not afraid of you." He looked down at this, and the wonderful feelings emanating from him lessened slightly. He was… ashamed.
"Jasper?" I questioned, clambering out of the bed and walking the few steps over to him. "What's wrong?"
"You should be afraid of me." he admitted softly. His voice was almost a whisper.
"Why on earth would I be afraid of you, Jasper? Look at how you just made me feel. You came up here to help me."
He only said two words. He only needed two words. "Your birthday."
"Jasper." I scolded. "Look at me right now." He obeyed, albeit unwillingly. "You just stop that right now. What happened on my birthday was NOT your fault. It's your nature, and I was clumsy. It was an ACCIDENT and nothing happened, so just STOP." I was probably a little harsher in my tone than I could have been. I may have even seen him flinch slightly, but we had to get past this… he had to get past this.
"Jasper…" I softened my voice, reaching up to touch his face and bring him back from his contemplative state. "I'm not afraid of you." My words were nearly silent, but he'd have heard them. He put his cool hand on mine, leaning into my hand and pressing it more firmly against him. He had likely never felt the warmth of a human against his icy skin since 'going vegetarian' and he was clearly captivated by the sensation.
We stood like that, neither of us moving, for a long time. I stared into his deep, rich eyes as he stared back at mine. It wasn't awkward. It was pleasant.
"You are really an amazing creature, Isabella Swan." He declared, suddenly breaking the silence, and I could feel his admiration and wonder seeping through. For once, I didn't blush as he took away my shyness, not with his gift, but with the sincerity I felt from him.
"Jasper… Do you think… could you… I mean, would you help me sleep? It's been an interesting day and I'm exhausted."
"Of course, Bella." He replied casually, yet his hand didn't release mine as it still laid across his cheek. Unwilling to tear it away from him, I continued to stand there for just a little while longer. As I did, I studied Jasper.
I had spent so little time with Jasper in the past that I had never really come to know him. I had never been this close and not been out of my mind with fear. I scrutinized the lines and details of his face, the depth of his honey-gold eyes, the richness of his hair. He was every bit as beautiful as the others.
As I continued to watch him, he closed his eyes as if he were savoring something; a scent, a feeling… but no, I realized. He was savoring my emotions - my admiration of him. After a moment more, he opened them again, looking into my eyes.
"Thank you, Bella." He uttered quietly. He released my hand, glancing toward the bed and back again. "Let's get you some sleep, okay?"
Jasper settled himself into the aged rocking chair in the corner of the room as I climbed wearily into the massive bed, and as it turned out it was quite comfortable. Looking toward Jasper, I began to feel my eyes getting heavier, my breathing slowing and becoming more even, and I caught one final timid smile before my eyes fluttered closed with a comfortable sigh.
I had time enough for one more thought before I was pulled into unconsciousness; maybe Jasper and I had a chance at being friends, after all…
Well, there's Jasper... Do we hate it? Does anybody want a one shot? Hit the poll on my profile for Twilight or Mercy Thompson one shots... P.S. Pleeeeease tell me what you think of my Jasper. I was really nervous writing him.