I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…

I woke with a start at a noise at my window. Sitting up abruptly, the blood rushing from my head and making me dizzy, I turned toward the source of the noise, blinking hard to clear my eyes and trying to focus them in the darkness of the room.

"Jasper?" I whispered as his silhouette came into view. He nodded, an apologetic look on his face, and I stood, stumbling to the window to let him in. I hadn't left it unlocked since breaking up with Edward. Half asleep, I fumbled with the lock and when I struggled to lift the awkward frame, he slid it easily aside.

"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked me, his brow wrinkled with concern. Swaying on my feet, I shuffled back to bed, dropping my dead weight to the invitingly soft surface with a sigh.

"Come in…" I yawned at him when he remained in his perch. In one smooth move, he was on the floor in front of me. Towering over me, his already tall frame seemed considerably larger and a little too intimidating for – I looked at the clock – four a.m. "Sit down." I told him, and he obeyed, sitting on the bed so lightly I didn't even feel it shift beneath me.

"Are you alright?" he asked again, his voice unsure, yet insistent. I struggled to look at his beautiful face, but saw only concern there.

"It's four a.m., Jasper… I'm asleep."

"I'm sorry, Bella." he muttered apologetically "I'll just go and let you rest." As he began to rise to leave, I grabbed his arm and pulled him down again, taken by surprise at how strong and muscular he was. Suddenly feeling a flash of something inappropriate, something more than admiration, I quickly shook the feeling off with another flash – this one embarrassment – before Jasper could notice, not taking the time to pinpoint what it was I had felt.

"Don't." I told him. "Why are you here?" It wasn't like him to drop by my room… or maybe it was now? He had stayed with me at the house.

"Alice sent me." he admitted, looking down shamefully. "She yelled at me, actually."

"She what? Why?" I asked, suddenly wide awake. I sat up to face him and really looked at him for the first time tonight. He didn't look good. He was haggard and disheveled. His eyes were dark, his expression grim. "What did she say?" I asked sympathetically, trying to reign in my emotions before they hurt him more.

"She said… 'What the hell did you do to her? You get over there right now and make this better!' then she gave me a shove out the door." She was… her emotions were…. She wasn't happy."

"Jasper…" I spoke softly. Tears were beginning to form in my eyes. Whether they were a manifestation of his emotions or sympathetic tears, I couldn't tell. "Look at me." When he finally complied after a long, torturous moment my heart ached for him. His dark eyes conveyed every bit of sadness, regret, guilt, shame, and desolation coursing through him.

"I'm fine." I told him, trying to keep my voice even and fighting back tears. "Please… I don't know why she said those things. I don't know why she sent you here. Just… please stop feeling this way. Look… I'm okay. It's okay." I took his ice cold hand in both of mine, rubbing it soothingly and hoping my warmth might provide a distraction for his pain.

Leaning forward, he laid his forehead gently on mine, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. I felt his emotions shift as his pain and uncertainty melted away. Eventually, he smiled. I simply held very still, not wanting to make this harder for him, and tried to ignore the tingle that ran through my body and the way his close proximity dazzled me.

"There." He said, finally. He kept his face where it was, opening his eyes and squeezing my hand. "Better?"

"Better." I replied. I closed my eyes and focused, forcing myself to sit up. I immediately missed the touch of his face on mine. I tried not to think of the implications of that.

"I don't understand why Alice sent you here." I told him.

"I told you… she's mad at me because I upset you…" he looked down. Taking my hand from his, I tilted his chin up to look at me.

"Let's not start this again, hmm?" I asked him. When he nodded against me, I returned my hand to his and attempted not to notice the effect it had on me.

"It's because I left… after you said you wanted to join the family." He continued, trying to hold my eyes, but I could tell he wanted to bow his head in shame. "Bella, I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Why did you leave? I mean… if… if you don't want me, you could have just…"

"Honey, is that what you thought? That my leaving meant I didn't want you? Bella, I'm flattered you care enough about me for that to upset you, but that's not why I left."

"Then, why?" I asked. "Why did you leave?"

"I should have been there for you, Bella. You're my best friend and there's no excuse." Sincerity blazed in his expression.

"Tell me…"

"When you came home from shopping you were absolutely beaming. I felt your happiness, excitement, and anticipation before you turned into the drive. I was basking in it. When you announced your intentions… I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion that crashed into me.

"Can you imagine the whirlwind of emotion that went swirling through that room? After your lovely ambiance of contentment and exhilaration the whole atmosphere shifted to one of confused emotions of joy, but also of pain, denial, grief, anger, rage. I was taken by surprise, Bella. I'm sorry."

"Jasper, I forgive you. There's nothing to forgive." I told him. Scooting back against my headboard, I scooped up a pillow and settled it in my lap. Trying to distract him from his guilt, I shifted the subject slightly, hoping to satisfy my own curiosity, as well.

"So tell me what everyone is feeling."

"Hmmm. Let's see. It was fast and confusing, but Alice was excited - even before you said it because she knew what was coming. Esme felt absolute joy; nothing else. Emmett was happy and excited. Carlisle was a little harder. He was happy; relieved even, but anxious, analytical, resolved, wavering - a little regret lingered there. Overall, though, I'd say happy. He doesn't like to take a life and clearly he was going over the details, but he wants you in this family, Bella. He loves you."

"Go on." I told him, knowing the reason for the pause that followed his words.

"Rose is mad. Of course she is. You know it's not because of you, right?" I shrugged non-committally. I didn't know that – not really. "She really likes you, Bella. She loves you, even. She thinks of you as a sister. If she didn't, she wouldn't bother worrying about what you're missing. Surely you can see that…"

"No, I haven't seen that. But I'll look for it from now on. Okay?"

"Good."

"Edward?" I still loved Edward – more as a brother, now… an annoyingly overprotective one, but I loved him, nonetheless. I hated hurting him. I didn't regret my choice; I had to live my life for me, but that didn't mean I enjoyed the pain it caused him.

"Fear, pain, grief, sadness, regret, guilt… those were all there, lingering… but anger, rage… even hate…" he shook his head to clear it, pained even by the memory of the feelings.

"And you?" I asked, trying to distract him again "How do you feel?" I realized as soon as I asked it just how much his answer meant to me. It meant a lot – more than it should.

"I didn't really have time to feel, Bella. Everything was just so… overwhelming. I ran out of there and kept running. I hunted before I went back, hoping things would calm down and I tried to not think, to not feel. When I got back, Alice sent me here.

"You didn't answer my question, though, Jasper… How do you feel?"

"Well, I guess that depends."

"On?"

"On why you're becoming a vampire…"

Apparently because I'm in love with you. That wasn't true and I knew it. I decided long before I had that wretched dream and besides… that's all it was – it was a dream. I am not in love with Jasper…

Hadn't he asked me something? Oh yeah… why did I want to be a vampire?

"Because I love you… all of you. And I want to be a Cullen. I belong in that family" He pondered a long moment before answering. I began to worry - more than I should have – but what if he didn't want me?

"Bella, I worry about forcing this life on anyone…" he said, solemnly "I would hate to think you were giving up your human life because of me… because of us." I looked down, but he moved closer, tilting my chin to look at him. I tried to ignore the way his nearness thrilled me; the way his presence dazzled me… the fact that he was in my bed, in my room, alone with me, in the dark…

His eyes burned with intensity when he spoke. "But you know your own mind, Bella. And you're strong. I trust you to make the choice that's right for you. And I want nothing more than to have you in my family forever." Leaning forward, he kissed my forehead lightly and it was like being home.

"Sleep now, Bella…" he murmured as he lowered me into the bed. The haze of sleep that clouded my mind kept me from objecting – or even wanting to – and I drifted into peace and stillness.

"Goodnight, love." He whispered, and I was gone, swallowed into oblivious sleep.

What do we think of the new developments? Review and let me know how I'm doing, please. I need a boost of motivation. This story wants to go to sleep on me.

PS. Second place in my one-shot poll Carlisle/Bella is up. Check my profile.