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Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, you are the best!

Any questions please feel free to ask- I'll answer as fast as I can! I'll write the next chapter as soon as I get enough reviews, (ten would be nice, hint hint!), pwetty pwease?

Disclaimer: do I own Twilight, um no? if I did, I would be so happy, words would not describe my joy, and hey, if I did I'd be a child prodigy! But, alas, sadly Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer. However Lucie is mine all mine!

Anywho, here it is:

what happened last chapter:

"Any time," he replied, and then said in an even lower whisper. "honestly, one of these days, I may have to kill that man. Preferably with…a spoon!"

I stifled my laughter as best I could before, the bell rang, saving me.

"Bye, Lucie." called Edward, and my heart did a little summersault when he said my name.

"Bye." I said, a little too late and too low for him to hear. I was very, very, very happy. I'd just spent a whole lesson with Edward, with only one little interruption by the evil Mr Banner and Edward didn't seem to hate me.

Now, I officially loved Maths.

***

The Realisation

Something wasn't right.

I felt it in the air as I walked through the cafeteria, sat down in an empty chair and sighed.

My intensely happy mood that had appeared during Maths had evaporated almost as suddenly as it had come. I hadn't seen Edward since then, and I was longing to do so. I needed his calm voice; so reassuring, so perfect…

I was ashamed at myself, my head was aching dully, it was only lunchtime and yet, it still felt like the day had been tiresomely long. Chemistry had been the usual, I had pretended not to feel as if the lesson was too easy and simply answered the questions when I was asked them. That was another problem with the 'gift' of mine. Seeing people's past; their every memory; thought and emotion, also includes all that they ever learn. Which, is a lot.

The teacher who had been teaching me, would never be able understand the fact that I probably knew more about Chemistry than he did. He thought he was the wisest in the class and I wasn't going to burst his bubble.

Jessica bounced before me then, smiling- I knew she was about to tell me about her day. She babbled on excitingly; but I only caught snatches of what she was saying, I couldn't listen to her, trivial dramas just didn't appeal to me today.

Lunch went by slowly, Angela joined us, smiled at me and sat down, making Jessica go over all that she'd just said to me, still the second time I didn't listen.

I'd finally realised what hadn't felt right when I'd walked into the cafeteria, why the air had felt odd, I looked up and sure enough, my suspicions were correct. The Cullens were not at their table. I knew it was because of me. Was it just a coincidence that Alice had acted oddly, just a coincidence that Jasper had looked at me, his eyes filled with loathing, just a coincidence, that Edward had changed his views of me? It was not. Some how, they all fitted together, I didn't know why, they just did.

Ach… Edward.

Pain swivelled through me. I thought about him then, quietly, through Jessica's continued banter, did she ever stop talking? His gaze had been different today, it was as if he knew more. His eyes, so deep and enthralling had been more gold, butterscotch rather than topaz. Edward alone was a mystery, but then there was Bella.

Bella, the beautiful girl, to whom I knew little about. She was lucky, in more ways than one. The first, was obvious; she was with the most perfect person on the planet, but the others, they were less apparent, but nether the less, they were still there. Bella had ignored Angela and, whether by accident or purpose I didn't know, she had hurt her feelings. I knew Bella was not heartless, she wouldn't of deliberately hurt Angela, but still, she hadn't made amends, had she?

No, but the real reason why she was so lucky, was the fact that, If I were her, the only thought consuming my mind would have been guilt. Bella, albeit pretty and pure, would never know the true meaning of guilt, her life didn't revolve around it, as mine did, it did not consume her thoughts, as it did to my own. Yes, she would feel guilty, but never the true meaning of guilt, had her own mother died because of her, because of what she was? No. That was just me. Plain, boring me, who was consumed by that single word. Guilt.

Before I knew it, lunch had passed, and Art had begun. I was confused and timorous now, hesitant; I just worked something out. Alice had not been at Lunch, for reasons evidently linked to her nearly fainting previously. Neither had the Cullens or Bella. Had they all left school to go the hospital? Was Alice hurt? Was this, like so many other things in my past, all my fault?

"Lucie?" A voice pulled me out of my reverie, it seemed so distant, so unimportant to what my mind was thinking about. "Lucie, do you know what we're doing?" I looked up, from my still blank canvas, and glanced at the clock, the lesson had been going on for 10 minutes now and I had done nothing though it. I remembered again to respond, my reactions were very off today, everything seemed so distant, my head was still aching.

"Yeah, I'm ok thanks Angela, still life, right?" My voice, again, like everything else, seemed distant, the words I was speaking came out sure though, not giving away what I really felt. Angela smiled at me, but I didn't move, I couldn't think of what to paint, my head was still spinning, thinking of too many things at once.

"I could help, I mean, I'm rubbish at Art, but-" she was still talking, but I was no longer listening. Past her head was a window, I saw someone though the glass.

Edward and Alice, talking, grinning, laughing. I let out a breath, I hadn't realised I'd been holding. Alice was ok. And, Edward was there, his smile breathtaking, his eyes a warm gold.

There was no question on what to paint now.

"Thanks Angela!" I turned to her, beaming, cutting across on what she'd been saying. "I've got it, I know what to do, you've inspired me!" I spoke the words quickly, eager to begin work, afraid that if I postponed, the image would leave my mind.

"O-Kay…" said Angela, surprised at my change in mood, but clearly happy that I was better, I knew colour was returning to my pallid face. She walked back to her picture, and I gingerly picked up a pencil, unsure where to start.

I used to paint a lot before my mother's death, like my father I had natural talent. The drawing soon took me, my hand moved in quick lithe motions over the canvas, sketching out the background. Soon it was filled with pencil, when I drew I went into an odd state, droning out all of the talk from around me; Jessica's high voice silenced; Angela's laughter ceased, the only thing that remained in my mind was the subject of my painting. Edward Cullen. A dark forest had formed on the paper, a clearing, desolate and eerie. But, in the foreground there was a figure, a pure source of light, blinding the darkness. I sketched the lean shape of his body, the elegant curve of his shoulders, the smoothness of his skin, everything I could picture flew into my mind. It was more developed now, my hand still frantically tracing and drawing, shading in the background. There Edward stood, in a meadow, enchanting and unsettling at the same time. He was the source of light, dancing off him, his stance was hunched, his face obscured by a mass of rain drenched hair. He was a dove amongst a murder of cloves, explicitly pure. I was so engrossed, so taken in, away in my trance that I didn't hear the footsteps behind me. That was the reason that when a voice spoke, I jumped, sharply being brought back to reality.

"Oooh! My, my whathave we got here?" said a voice by my shoulders enthusiastic, but still; there was no point in denying it, slightly annoying. I turned, not wanting to stop, wanting my fantasy to live on, not wanting it to end. When I didn't reply, the voice continued, still animated "Well, well this is interesting, A meadow I see, Golly, this really is a find," It was the Art teacher, Miss Taft, she had long jet black hair, braided with an assortment of multicoloured ribbons. A creative spirit. She was beside me now and made a move as if to sweep up the canvas for a closer look, but instead she found my outstretched arm, barring her way.

"Um, sorry but it's not finished yet- I'd rather you see it, when it's complete." I said carefully, It was not a complete lie. True, it wasn't finished, yet you could never truly capture what I was trying to encapsulate, one could only get so close to perfection. The main reason though was if she felt the urge to show the class, what would happen if the angel was recognised? What would happen, if he found out. Mrs Taft, tutted slightly but carried on by saying in a sing-songy voice. "Yes, yes, of course duck, I don't want to rush you, oooh, look now I'm all of a dither, what talent you got my dear, not just a pretty face are you?"

"Err," I mumbled, but before I get a coherent sentence out, she just smiled and trotted off-and yes, that was the only real way to describe how she walked when approaching Angela- l a lively sort of, well, trot. she was across the room in moments, I heard her speak to Angela, giving her tips, once I was sure she was gone I looked back to my work. This teacher was bizarre. Very, very, strange. My thoughts were not without reason though, in fact, I had several of her characteristics listed, proving her oddness.

Number 1: she had actually said the word 'Golly'

Number 2: she had called me, duck…

Number 3: she had just used the phrase 'I'm all of a dither.'

Yes, in my books, that definitely added up to being slightly weird. Shaking off this thought however, I once again, slipped into the dream like state of before, drawing the one thing that was consuming my mind, pushing out the other thoughts, which now looked so small in comparison. I painted the one thing that I knew was perfect and yet the only thing I knew was not right as yet, not complete. I realised why Edward wasn't looking up, why his face was obscured. He was in the meadow, the captivating place filled with secrets, but, he was alone, incomplete.

By the time the picture was finished I realised with a jerk, why his stance was rueful, instead of happy. Why the meadow seemed so dark, so unsettling. Edward was alone. Bella was not with him.

The realisation should have been obvious, but it still sent me into a state of despair, I hurriedly hid the picture as the bell went, behind a set of green lockers where I was sure It would not be found. The fact that I knew why Edward had looked so distant in my painting had been a painful recognition, one that left me numb. I knew how much Bella meant to him, he could not be happy without her. With her, he was content, with her he was whole.

So why did it feel like I was being ripped apart?

***

I walked to Gym, accompanied by a very talkative Jessica and a subdued looking Angela. Angela was acting strangely, detached from what was happening around her, I knew I wasn't the only one not listening to Jessica. I had felt terrible after drawing Edward, but now the urge gripped me, tightly, I wanted him to burn in front of my vision, distract my thoughts, keep the unwelcome ones at bay.

I relished the feeling of when I drew, that utter sense of freedom and awareness. I could almost escape into a different world, one in which I could forget the hectic tedium known to be my own life. One in which I could loose myself completely and not worry or fret about the day-to-day distractions and problems my life presented. All I wanted to do, was forget. I just wanted peace.

I was still In this thinking state when we walked into the Gym's changing rooms. I didn't have a kit, and so had to find a teacher as no one had a spare, or a t least, no one was willing to lend me one, if they possessed it. Eventually, I was provided with a P.E kit, the smallest size they had left apparently, and sent towards the now empty changing rooms.

I got changed worriedly and tried to prepare myself mentally. Gym, was an active subject. Active, usually involved communicating with others. Communicating meant talking. Talking, meant not thinking about You Know Who, (and surprisingly, I wasn't referring to the evasive 'dark lord Voldemort'.) With a sigh I pulled on my trainers and walked towards, I hoped was the Gym, it was, I spotted Angela looking left out in a corner, and went to join her, bleakly wondering what we were meant to be doing.

Once I reached her, smiled and sat down on a bench I finally looked down to what I was wearing.

It was composed of a mustard yellow, short sleeved polo shirt, and tight black shorts, accompanied by a pair of knee high bottle green and ghastly yellow striped socks. How I hadn't noticed it whilst putting it on, perplexed me, proving my earlier thought of not feeling well. It was-there was no there way to describe it: completely and utterly hideous.

Still, this thought was slightly mollified by the fact that all the girls had to wear it, at least this way I couldn't be singled out. Most of the girls were in a group to the right of me and Angela, every so often, a high pitched shriek of laughter would chorus round it.

It was going to be a very long hour.

But then, I noticed them. Towards the back of the Gym, I noticed Mike and a whole gang of boys, they were all leaning casually against the far wall, eyeing the group of girls surreptitiously, some with impatient eyes.

"Angela!" I hissed, standing up and dragging Angela by the arm, inclining my head towards them.

"What?" she said dazedly, as if having just woken up, she looked towards the group, her eyes settling on Ben.

"Err, What are the boys doing in here" I said quietly, momentarily forgetting her feelings towards Ben, feelings, as of yet, she didn't even realise she had.

"Boys?" she said, averting her gaze, a bewildered look upon her face.

"Yes, boys: young adult males? Generally less mature. Several of them are situated on the other side of this Gym." I stated, raising my eyebrows, incompetent at only raising one; it was one thing that made me slightly jealous of anyone capable- I've always wanted to do it.

"Because, Lucie, It's Gym, a subject compulsory for both females and males" Angela said.

"But, don't they have separate classes?" I added in a whisper, conscientious of the fact that one of the members from the group of girls was getting nearer.

"No…why, is it different in England?" she asked, apparently oblivious to on coming girl, whose face was coated in makeup. I'd never really worn make up myself. It wasn't that I didn't think I needed it, just that I'd never really got many spots through my adolescence and besides, makeup was designed for people who had normal skin. Not for people whose whole body was alabaster pale. A tanned face would contrast, interestingly with my neck I supposed, but better off not wasting money.

"Yeah…" I mumbled back to Angela, makeup girl was only a meter away now. Angela seemed to get the message, as she let the subject drop and began staring at her feet, talking quickly in an animated whisper.

"That's Lauren." her tone implied dislike.

"You mean makeup face." I mumbled, as Angela tried best she could to stifle her laughter.

"Sooo, you're the new girl." she sneered, her eyes scanning me, small figure, blonde hair loosely falling past my shoulders. "Huh, I thought you'd be more special looking, I can't imagine why everyone's talking about you…" she continued, as a murmur of high pitched giggles sounded from behind her. Great, she had minions. I didn't respond to her, just looked down, bored of her voice, it hurt my ears a bit, a sort of un-tuned squeak. "Uh, you need to tie your hair back…duh." she stated still sneering.

"Sorry," I muttered before I could stop myself, "I didn't realise it was a criminal offence." my words came out hard cold, indifferent.

Instantly her sneer turned into a glare, I bit back a smile.

"Are. You. Being. Sarcastic?" she spat, through clenched teeth. Honestly, I'd just made one, tiny ironic remark and she was already throwing daggers at me.

I was about to reply, maybe question her on what sarcastic actually meant, as it seemed she didn't know much English- or at least that was my interpretation. But before I could speak, Mike walked over. Lauren's face was suddenly transformed, the glare had gone and instead it was replaced by a sort of demented pout, she looked a bit like a duck. I couldn't decide which I liked least about her: her bitchiness; or attempt at flirting.

"Hey, Mike!" she drawled, playfully hitting him on the arm, definitely pouting now, emphasising her prominent lips, coated in fuchsia pink lip gloss.

"Erm, hi Lauren." said Mike awkwardly, I was glad at his obvious dislike towards her, plainly shown in his expression, as his eyes too, looked at her, probably wondering if she was trying to do a duck impression.

"So, Mikey, are you gonna ask me to be your partner in Basketball?" drawled Lauren again, her voice sickly sweet. Ah ha! She had a use: I now knew what we were doing in Gym! (If only I'd noticed the nets on either side and Basketballs lining the benches…)

"Err, well um," spluttered Mike, steadily retreating from Lauren, his eyes wary, "I was actually going to ask Lucie." he addressed this last part towards me, his eyes hopeful. Suddenly, everyone's eyes were on me; mike's hopeful ones; Lauren's now livid ones; and Angela's indifferent ones, along with the other girls in the group. I noticed Jessica, who for some reason was also glaring at me, her expression similar to Lauren's.

I didn't know what to do. I'd already arranged to go with Angela before hand, but the look on Lauren's face would provide some entertainment, plus I didn't feel so mean in letting Mike have to deal with her as a partner. Just hearing her talk was torture enough.

Making a split decision I said:

"Yeah, sure," at this Mike's eyes widened, so I added quickly-not wanting to give the wrong impression. "but only if Angela can come, you don't mind do you?" I asked Mike who just nodded, apparently rendered speechless, though for what reason, I was unsure. Angela just smiled gratefully at me, not realising that I was far more grateful to her being there, the thought of Mike and I alone was not a pretty one, as even with Angela there, his heart seemed content on, well, doing what Lauren had done. Flirting. Fortunately he soon gave up, and resorted to asking me innocent questions in-between warm up exercises. Soon Angela was called to play a match, leaving me an Mike on the sidelines.

"Your from England." He said, spinning the Basketball on his finger, whilst keeping his eyes firmly locked on me. I just stared at the ball. This one was a statement, but I answered it anyway, not wanting to leave an awkward silence, there had already been several.

"Yeah, I just moved here," I said, smiling.

"Cool." said mike, before adding, "That P.E kit looks nice on you by the way."

At this I couldn't suppress a snort.

It truly was the worst chat up line ever.

"Please Mike!" I said in between giggles, "This, is, Hideous!"

"Oh, well… yeah, I suppose…" Mike trailed off, he'd turned red.

"Mike Newton! Lucie Raven! Your turn on the pitch!" shouted the Basketball coach, a distinctly broad man, too broad to be classified as very healthy, I wondered how he became a P.E teacher, one subject that generally requires you to be of reasonable fitness. I walked onto the pitch stared around.

Ok, I've got to just get the ball and, throw it, yes that was the best option. But then, I saw Lauren. Her face was almost contorted in an angry snarl. Her face was florid from playing two games and she stared at me, with the uttermost loathing. It was only then when I realised what she was holding.

A very heavy basketball.

I ran, backwards towards my own goal, Lauren followed and hurled it towards me. I shut my eyes tight, waiting for the collision.

Amazingly, it missed.

Sighing with relief I opened my eyes, damn. The ball was right next to me, I had to pick it up and so I did, and well, practically tripped over my own two feet and just about managed to throw it to Mike, who sprinted down the side of the court and scored. The coach, apparently noticing my lack of coordination, sent me off for the next match. Which was, incidentally, very wise of him. I sat down on a bench and the lesson passed slowly but surely, when the bell rang signifying the end of school, I was already changed, I didn't bother to brush my hair, it looked the same as always, long and light falling down my back. My face was not red like everyone else's, instead it was pale, with two slightly pink cheeks, no one would think I'd just played Basketball, or participated in any sort of exercise at all, for that matter.

I walked out into the lot. I was going to walk to my car, but, there by a shiny silver Volvo (right next to my old blue car) was Edward, Bella by his side. I watched them, they couldn't see me, I was behind a shrubbery area and a hedge was partially obscuring there vision. I could see them, they could not see me.

Bella walked around the car, kissed Edward lightly on the cheek and got inside, her expression was odd. Troubled. But how anyone could think of anyone but him, when they were that close bemused me, so instead I turned my attention back to Edward. He was talking with Alice now, and he looked, almost confused.

I suddenly thought how stupid I was. A complete and utter creep, spying on them like this, so briskly I walked out from behind the hedge and walked towards my car.

Then I saw Alice's expression. That alone made me stand stock still in the road. Her eyes were vacant, expressionless, darting. A horrible wave of reminiscence washed over me. It was happening again.

Edward's head snapped up, his gazed penetrated my own. His expression was beautiful, yet unmistakable. Pure horror.

I stood there, petrified. I had no idea of what to do. Edward's eyes stopped my thoughts for a second. He was still staring at me, he gaze intent, but not in the way that he gazed at Bella, the gaze now was screaming out at me, telling me to run. What I saw in Edward's eyes, was probably mirrored in my own. Terror.

And then, it hit me.

Dun dun dun!

Hope you like that one. (sorry I haven't been able to update sooner, my laptop died when I was writing this yesterday and I got really annoyed as I had to write it all again!)

Please review, questions are more than welcome, seriously!

I'll update the next one after I get enough reviews. No reviews. No update, simple.

Thanks loads who've reviewed so far, you know who you are out there!

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Lily x