Heys!
Whoa! A whopping 251 reviews! (okay, it may not seem a lot compared to those big guys with 1000+ reviews, but hey, it's a lot for me!) YAY! THANKS!
Now, because I was away, and therefore couldn't update, I've written a long chapter for you all! Over 9,000 words, Over! So yeah, be happy! Thanks again to all those people who reviewed! And especially Mizz-Emz, for writing a really long one and making me smile! Reviews? They mean LOADS to me! So keep 'em coming! Now, let me just say, (before you all go off judging when you read this) there is more to come from Lucie's father, so don't judge him too much, like Jasper, he could be misread! Anyway, this is a short authors note, as I have a lot of work to do, what with being away all weekend! So don't worry, less babble, you've gained an advantage! (oh and I apologise for the bad chapter title, creative juices are not flowing, if you have any recommendations for a better one, tell me!)
Here you go! ;)
What happened last chapter:
Sighing, I climbed into my bed, pulling the covers around me, and then hiding under them like a small child, burying myself in swathes of blanket. Protecting myself from my dreams, from the unknown.
I lied earlier.
I am afraid of the dark.
Because it holds what I fear most: not knowing.
And I simply didn't know if the Cullens had left me.
***
The Reflective Rain.
I woke up with a start, well aware that I had just screamed again. I buried my head in my pillow, swathing my face into the cotton, trying to smother the sound I had just emitted. I just hoped my father hadn't heard it. It was light now, but, the weather outside at the moment seemed to reflect my current mood. It was thundering, the rain hammering against the windows; like a constant drumming. The dim light filled the room dully, making my white walls look grey. Great, nice and depressing.
Sighing, I decided to have a shower, concentrating furiously on the hot water flowing down me. Trying urgently to distract myself from thinking too much. From thinking about them, from thinking about- No!
I wanted to hit something then, and once more I was surprised at the sudden emotions flowing through me, the anger that had erupted out of me yet again. Though I liked the heated feeling it produced, it made me feel stronger - less weak. Anything, I knew, was better than what I'd felt before, anything was better than the consuming numbness, that constantly seemed to eat away at me.
Smiling slightly, at my improvement in mood, I pulled on some clothes. Old ones, a worn out pair of slightly tight jeans under a pale green, long sleeved chemise, they were clothes I'd forgotten about, but none the less felt nice against my newly washed skin. Alice wouldn't have approved though.
No… don't think about them.
Distractedly, I walked down stairs, my legs reacted faster than my head, I walked into the kitchen, vaguely wondering what to cook my dad for breakfast only to find my him already sitting at the table, a cup of coffee next to him, I wondered why he was having coffee? He normally only drank earl grey tea, (yuck, is my personal brilliant opinion of the stuff) and he wasn't the type to try out new things. But something was wrong; I felt it as I entered the room, the atmosphere was not hard to judge. He was sitting there, staring at his coffee, his eyes were darker than usual, and he looked tired, bags were forming under his eyes. I knew he had not slept.
"Dad?" I asked hesitantly, actually scared by him, by how he was acting, he looked away in thought, lost in his mind. But, also, he looked paranoid. After a silence, I knew he wasn't going to reply any time soon, so I repeated the question again, still scared. "Dad? Are you ok?" I hated the way my voice sounded so distant, so false, as if I did not care for his reply, when inside, I honestly cared with all my heart. He sighed slightly, and did not look up, but replied, his voice low.
"What happened last night Luciana?" His tone was odd. My father rarely called me by my full name, I was always Lucie to him, like most people. He would only normally say my name like that when he was angry. But I knew he wasn't, his voice did not portray anger, it portrayed fear, yet sounded numb. I did not like it one bit.
"Dad, I'm ok now. That's all that matters." I said briskly. Could he not see how much I did not want this conversation, how every memory of them made my stomach twist, made me yearn to see them, despite all they had done.
"That's not an answer young lady." My father said, in the same cold tone, I busied myself, feeling vulnerable just standing there. Quickly I began making toast, and took his plate to wash up. We had a dishwasher, but I did not use it. I needed to do something with my hands, I was afraid they would shake; that would give me away for sure.
"Look dad. I came home, I'm sorry it was late, I didn't mean to scare you." I said, annoyed at my voice, it was feeble now, barely above an audible noise, just a whisper.
So much for being strong.
"Any particular reason why you came through your window?" He asked, shocking me, I'd forgotten that must have been the only way I'd arrived back in my room. I didn't respond. The soapy water from the washing up had lost its heat, now it was cold. Clammy. I did not like the way the bubbles clung to my pale fingers. He carried on, looking up, I realised, from his drink, his eyes on my back. "Or, why you were screaming all night?" So he had heard me screaming? Wonderful, really wonderful…
"I'm sorry for waking you up." I said in a hurt voice, because that's how I felt. I did not like the fact that I'd been screaming, and I was sad my father seemed distant from me. Wasn't I meant to be comforted in this situation? I discarded yet another thought. Only the weak were comforted. I did not need this.
I proceeded on to washing more plates, still not wanting to stand or sit down. Washing up (a thing that I normally disliked) was far easier than facing him. His voice was harder than usual; I'm not ashamed to admit that it scared me. I hated seeing him like this, upset and angry at me. After all, only I was meant to suffer.
"Lucie, I do not want you to leave again." He said, his tone was final, I just nodded absently, still scrubbing his plate, which seemed to have dirt encrusted into it, making it hard to clean. Very hard actually. I frowned down at it, forgetting my father. Only to be brought back to the conversation when his fist banged the table, causing me to jump slightly. "Luciana Rose Raven," Oh dear, this was bad; he just used my full name. "Are you even listening to me?!" No- actually I was concentrating on this stupid dirt that's somehow inside this plate of yours, honestly what did you do to it? Okay, maybe that's not the best response…
"Yeah dad." My voice was nonchalant.
"You are not, I'm sick of this Lucie, I can't stand it!" I looked at him then, forgetting the fact that I had been trying not to do so just a moment before. His words were sharp and angry, but I could detect the pain in them. What was wrong?
"Dad…?" Was all I could say, he looked up from his coffee and stared into my face, I felt dizzy, yet again; I knew I had turned paler, but still I looked into his brown eyes, so different from mine. He never changed, I always did.
"Lucie," His tone was softer now, but this didn't make me feel any better, on the contrary, I felt far worse. I knew he was going to say something bad now; only that would explain his sudden change in mood and tone of voice. "I don't think that this is right." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, it was a stressed gesture. I just stared at him, completely perplexed. Maybe I was just slow this morning, but seriously: what the hell did he mean? He didn't say anymore, and I spoke quickly, my breath escaping out through lips.
"Dad? What do you mean?" I asked, he still didn't look up and I began to feel annoyed. "Tell me!" I hated the whine to my voice, he just made an impatient sound, and by then I'd had enough.
Stubbornly I threw the plate back into the sink, still filled with soapy water. To my disappointment however, it didn't smash, or crack, or do anything remotely interesting. I made a mental note to chuck that plate away, honestly, it was stupid in the fact that it wouldn't clean, then it didn't smash when I wanted it to, proving my annoyance. Ugh! Yes, all in all, it was utterly useless. I would destroy it one day, preferably with a nice big hammer…My father looked up at the noise, his eyes shocked, I didn't look at them for long, I just walked purposefully towards the door. Fed up. I knew I was being cruel, but at this particular moment I simply didn't care.
"Luciana! What did you do that for?!" He exclaimed gruffly. I muttered my reply, though I was sure he'd hear it, before stomping up the stairs, (okay, I didn't actually stomp, so to say, I just ran up them, stomping has never really been my sort of thing…)
"I did it because you seem unable to answer me."
I didn't hear what he said next, I was already at my door. I knew I needed to distract myself. I'd tried to do so earlier, with no such luck, only involving me getting frustrated and not being able to smash a plate. Yes. Totally weak. I let out a gust of air, before pacing silently, and deciding to finish some homework, my blue bag hung on the edge of a chair, the English essay protruding out of it. Right a nice long essay. Fun. I thought sarcastically, before taking it out and writing, my hand weaving, writing, without conscious thought, I didn't really care what it was about, distantly I knew it was right. I didn't like this though, the fact I didn't really need to concentrate on the work, for this made my mind wander, settling on one thing that was sure to make me feel bad, my stomach twisted again. So much for a distraction.
I didn't know what had happened last night. I only knew what I'd heard, Jasper's past had excluded my vision, but my hearing had not been impaired. Though I'd only heard snatches of conversation, they had been enough for the fear of what could happen to seize me.
Had they left?!
The thought was agitated now, impatient for an answer. There was something odd though, I felt as if they were still here, just because I'd heard someone mention them leaving, didn't mean they'd actually left, did it? I sighed yet again, because despite everything, I truly hoped they hadn't left. For I knew without them, I would surely break.
And this time I wasn't sure If I'd repair again.
A noise at the door startled me, my father's voice drifted in, he did not enter, but his voice was nervous, the anger not at all apparent, only worry tainting the edges slightly now. I was sitting cross legged on my bed, my bag and books strewn across it, essay on my lap. I looked up from my essay, unfinished, and stared at him.
"Lucie?" I forgot the fact that I was meant to be angry at him, and briefly tried to summon it once more. I wanted to be frustrated again, to be cross at him, everything was so much simpler when I was angry. Decisions were entirely ruled by instinct, leaving no room for fear or worry. I wanted the anger to flood me again. But, of course, it did not. I could not feel angry just by wanting to, or at least, I could not at the moment.
"Yeah dad?" I said, quickly shoving various books into my old blue bag. Really old, in fact, It used to be my mother's, one of the few things I kept from her. I sprang up from my bed and opened the door. Sure enough my dad was on the other side. His face was odd, a mixture between pain and anxiety.
It took me less than a second to realise that something was wrong. "Dad…?" I said worriedly, his eyes were scaring me, they kept darting back and forth, it was almost as if he had a twitch.
"Honey, I, I, think…" he trailed off, taking me firmly by the arm and into my own room again. He paced up and down the room, his eyebrows thoroughly mashed together, it seemed as if he was struggling to even talk.
"What dad? Please spit it out, your scaring me." My own voice shot up. As he carried on looking grim.
He did literally spit it out. Suddenly all his words came out in a long gush, slurring slightly, in what I could only interpret as fear.
"I'm sorry about earlier honey, really sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that, it just, well…" He stumbled slightly, frowning, his brown eyes beseeching my face, as if he was looking for something behind my features, before continuing "Look, things haven't been how I thought they would here, it's weird, everything has been odd and well weird, what with you screaming and fainting, It's what your mother tried to stop, it just seems like it's-" He stopped taking in a breath. His complexion was florid. "Your not well honey, I don't think this place is good for you, so we're leaving. We'll go back to Nottingham or something. You liked it there right? I know school will seem easy, but we can find some better places round there and besides, you'll be with your old friends and you can-" I stopped him, placing one hand firmly in front of his face.
"Dad… what's going on?" I choked out. I was reacting badly, I knew that but I couldn't help hearing what he'd just said the sentence echoed in my mind. 'things have been odd what with you screaming and fainting, It's what your mother tried to stop.'What did he mean? He looked like he regretted saying so much and quickly added, before I could find my voice:
"Sweetie, I know you've just got settled, but I think we should go. We can leave today, in fact, we should. Just pack your things I'll ring the school, They'll understand plus-"
"What? Now?" I interrupted, my voice came out sharper than I thought it could, bordering on the verge of hysteria. I stared at him, intently, trying to force enough calm in my mind, to keep my face composed, but it was a wasted effort. He wasn't looking at me, only staring at his hands, which were trembling.
"Yes. Now. I've been postponing this too long. I'm sorry I've caused so much trouble." His voice was flat, and I was terrified. I had only once seen my father like this: flat; emotionless; and scared. He was like that for a whole week when my mother died. When I'd ran to him, screaming about her hanging, suspended from rope, and he had not calmed me. He had simply been blank. Lifeless. He forgot how to live properly, wouldn't talk or eat and was constantly staring at his hands, which would tremble violently. It was only when he saw me- one night; a week after my mother's death- at his door, ashen and terrified with blotchy eyes from crying my self to sleep, terrified about how my father was going to look after me. I'd felt little older than nine back then, despite the fact that I had been 15, I'd wanted to run to him, and cry like the scared child I truly was. Though I still remember the look in his eyes when he saw me. That alone was enough to send me into great fits of worry. After that, his constant purpose in life was to keep me safe no matter what. But now it seemed like it was happening again and I was nothing short of terrified.
That was why I just as shocked as my father, when my voice came out firm and steady with a resounding sound, filled with an odd note of authority.
"No." I still couldn't quite believe I had said it.
He looked up, it took him several long moments to react.
"What…?" He said, confusion evident in his tone.
"I said no," my voice was still steady, "I'm not leaving dad, I don't want to." His eyes focused on mine, and his expressions flickered, but the one it settled on was one that I would never expect; pure horror.
"No, no. Honey, we've got to go, seriously just trust me," his voice changed from a command to a plea, and I cut in.
"Dad? Tell me what's going on?" I didn't like the sound of my voice now, it was almost whiny, but that was better than what I felt, at least.
"I can't…" his voice broke on the last word and he slumped onto the bed, the flatness returning.
"What!" I half shouted. "Dad, you can tell me, you will tell me."
"No." his tone was final, but I wasn't giving up just yet.
"Fine," I said bleakly "but I'm staying here dad and I won't leave. At least… not until you tell me what's going on." Again, my voice was calm. The scary calm. It was the calm that would surely break if put under pressure. And right now, the pressure seemed to be mounting. Soon, it would not only make me crack, but literally explode out of me. I could already feel myself starting to shake slightly.
I stood up throwing my blue bag over my shoulder and walked out the room.
"Lucie, please." I heard him say. But I knew if I stayed one moment longer in my room, I would break and I couldn't let that happen.
"Dad, I'm going to, to…," My voice trailed off, as I suddenly realised I had no where to go, my stomach curled in on itself, making me feel like I had cramp. I just carried on walking, desperate to get out. "On a walk, see you later." I called over my shoulder, tripping clumsily down the stairs and practically sprinting towards the door.
The rain outside was falling heavily, it fell haphazardly, though I did not care, as it pounded heavily against the roof and cars, violently soaking me, drenching me head to foot in water. I needn't have had a shower, I was getting one now. I lifted my head up gently, trying not to think about what my father had said. None of this made sense. All was chaos.
But as I stood there, slowly, getting utterly soaked, my clothes sticking to my skin, I began to feel odd. Not cold, just odd, as the realisation slowly dawned upon me, with each and every rain drop that fell reminding me. I still had no where to go.
They had left.
It was not a question anymore. I wanted more than ever for the earth to swallow me, to end my constant pain and suffering. I could not cope if they had left- which I now knew, they had. I felt my head fall slightly as I looked at my feet, the raindrops dripping out of my hair, falling quickly towards the ground, as a single tear joined their fall.
But suddenly, the rain ceased. Only to be replaced by a hammering sound, equal to the one emitting form the car and roof. I looked up, only to find a pink umbrella above me, pink. A very bright pink. A shade that only one person would dare to buy.
"Alice?" I asked out loud, not entirely believing what I suspected. Only hoping it with every fibre of my body. But then the trilling peal of bells hit my hears, and despite the fact that they were filled by water, I could hear the voice, and there was no questioning who it belonged to.
"Lucie! You are getting soaked! What do you think you're doing, wearing that in this weather!" I didn't respond rationally to her criticism, as I looked at her pixie face, frowning at my attire, and I hugged her, relief washing threw me, as more tears cascaded towards the ground, then onto her shirt as she responded to my hug. "Lucie?" Alice's voice, was now worried, "Why are you crying?" She towed me gently towards the yellow Porsche, I followed numbly, and I climbed gratefully inside, she was in the front seat in the next second, even before I could blink.
"Oh Alice! I th-thought, you'd l-left.." I tripped over the words slightly, laughing now, through my tears, she smiled warmly at me, understanding portrayed through her golden gaze.
"Of course not silly, why'd you say that? For a moment there I thought this was like your favourite outfit or something," She waved a hand towards my drenched clothes, which, I realised with embarrassment, were starting to turn see through. "and I'd offended you." She chuckled, while I tried to smile reassuringly back at her, but failed. I blinked a couple of times (no doubt looking completely idiotic) to make sure she was really there. They're still here, I thought, just as Alice confirmed this. "We won't leave you Lucie, we never intended on doing so." Alice looked at me sympathetically, and there was no denying the truth in her gaze, though I knew I could never be too sure. For I still felt like she was going to vanish any second. She gave a smile of genuine warmth, and I responded with one of my own, even though I knew it looked more like a grimace.
She still looked anxious and quickly pulled a jacket from the backseat, I looked questionably at her as she handed it to me, and she gave out a small sigh at my slowness. I shrugged it on, and couldn't help but breathe the scent of it in; it was the most beautiful scent ever, intoxicating all most. I felt like Swathing myself in the glorious smell, by sniffing it feverishly.
Okay. Maybe that wouldn't look too good.
"I had a vision of this Lucie." She stated calmly, breaking me out of my silent thoughts regarding the smell of the jacket she'd just handed, and for some reason my embarrassment mounted. I hastily looked out the window, and was abruptly shocked to see trees darting past. When had she started driving? She misread my expression and added quickly. "Though, you weren't crying, well, you weren't even outside, I just… knew you needed me, I couldn't see clearly." She sounded annoyed at this, impatient. "I don't know why Lucie, but all the visions I have of you… they're all mixed up, tangled. I can't tell when they're going to happen. I-" Her rant was cut off. And I knew the reason. For my face had turned down.
Why couldn't she see me clearly? Wasn't the answer obvious?
I'm a freak, that's all there is to it.
Wasn't Bella observant?
"Lucie, I don't mean your different in any way, it's just me, I'm not functioning properly…" She sighed and lifted my face up gently with her hand, 'not functioning properly'? What kind of an excuse was that? I wanted to ask her to keep her eye on the road, but knew it would be a wasted effort. So I just obliged by looking at her. "Are you okay though?" Again. Sympathy. Stupid, pointless, unwanted sympathy.
"I'm fine Alice, just, well…" I pondered on telling her about the conversation with my father or not, and decided against it. Not because I doubted her honesty, or ability to keep secrets. It was just because I still couldn't understand the things my father had said.
It's what your mother tried to stop.
I was still trying to work things out for myself. Namely, what the hell my father had been talking about.
"Lucie, it's okay, you don't have to say." She said honestly, but I couldn't help but detect the hurt in her voice. I was about to apologise, but she changed the subject quickly, to one that I wasn't sure I preferred. "Did you see Jasper's past then?" Her voice was curious, but careful, I didn't answer, just gushed out the first thing that came to my mind at the sound of his name.
"Alice, please tell him I'm sorry,"
"No. enough apologising Lucie You've already been through so-"
"Please," I cut across her, she sighed at my stubborn attitude, "Just, tell him I'm sorry for causing him pain, and that I've already forgiven him," I said quickly, before adding, "and tell him I-I" I struggled for the right word, "understand." I looked down, Alice, did something I didn't expect though. She smiled widely.
"So you did see Jazzy's past!" I was glad at her, she seemed eager, and her voice was no longer saturated with the thing I despised: sympathy.
I nodded, Alice smiled at me, but then looked concerned again.
"Lucie, Jasper's far sorrier than you are." She said in a serious tone.
"I know." I sighed, and then placed my head against the window. I liked the feeling of cold glass against my skin, it was comforting, cold. Easing the pain from my head slightly, dulling the throbbing. I always linked the feeling of cold, like home, and like the Cullens. I smiled against it, knowing Alice could not see my expression because of the hair that had fallen. Her voice sounded again though, and it was quieter than before. I looked up.
"Lucie, can I ask you something?" her voice was hesitant.
"Anything." I said truthfully, gaining a weak smile from her.
"Have you seen my past?"
I just stared at her, shocked at the question, even though it was not unexpected.
"No."
"Could you," She hesitated slightly, twirling a lock of jet black hair round her finger, "Maybe, well, tell me about it when-"
"If." I corrected her.
"Yeah, if, you see it?" Her expression was now anxious, as if we were talking about something very personal. I smiled at her, wanting to give her the same sense of trust she always gave me.
"Of course Alice." Her face lit up considerably, and she nodded her head quickly, now excited, like a small child being given the prospect of having a new gift.
I looked out the window. And I was sad to see the Cullen's drive, not because we'd arrived exactly, but simply because, I liked talking with Alice. It was easy, not awkward, filled with spite, or boring. It was nice. Alice seemed to feel the same way, as she grimaced slightly when she got out, though I couldn't be too sure if it was because we'd arrived so soon, or because I'd arrived with her. Alice might welcome me, but the others. Well, they were another matter entirely…
We reached the doorway, and I was grateful for the heat the house provided, heat that the Cullen's didn't need. It was nice to escape from the cool February air, (and freezing rain for that matter) I do like the cold, but when you're wearing wet clothes, and it's still hammering down, you can't help but crave warmth.
"Lucie, do you mind, I think someone needs me upstairs." I shook my head, letting her go, and took a deep breath, before walking towards the kitchen. I did not like standing still alone, it made me feel vulnerable all over again. I could not afford to feel like that. Not now. Not ever.
"Lucie?" A voice asked, I swivelled round, I hadn't noticed anyone in the kitchen, but there, by an ornate stove, was a beautiful woman. Her hair falling gently away from her kind face, my memory pictured the face to a name. I hadn't spoken to her before myself.
"Esme?" I asked, even though I knew who she was, having already seen her frequently from two people's perspectives. Bella's as a kind and caring person. Jasper's as a mother, adopted, but just as loyal and loving. They both mirrored the same things; I already knew I was going to like Esme, she was too kind to make me feel nervous.
As I said her name she smiled warmly, and I was glad that I felt no tension between us, she did not look worried, or sympathetic, just kind. She busied her self with the cooker whilst talking.
"Lucie, do you want some muffins, I've just made a batch." She turned suddenly, a wide smile on her face, holding a tray of perfect muffins.
To be truthful, I wasn't hungry, but the look on her face arose the manners within me.
"Sure," I said, maybe slightly over brightly, but thankfully Esme only smiled wider, not noticing the lie in my voice. "What flavour are they?" She gestured one and I took it. It was warm in my palm, and I wrapped my cold fingers around it eagerly.
"Um," Esme hesitated, instantly looking worried, "Well, I don't normally make food, so I thought I'd try a mixture of recipes, this one's; blueberry and chocolate chip?" Her answer ended on a question, I couldn't help but smile at her worry. She was afraid I wouldn't like it, bless her.
I bit into it, and wow, it was good. I smiled slightly as I began to eat faster, I was hungrier than I thought, come to think of it, when had I last eaten?
"Yep," I said brightly, in between mouthfuls. "Definitely, blueberry and chocolate," It really was a lovely combination. "and it's delicious!" Esme positively beamed, with what I assumed was pride, funny how happy she was to see me eating.
"Good! It's nice to finally cook for a change, what with our," She paused, grimacing slightly, searching my face I smiled at her hesitance.
"Special diet?" I prompted, she laughed.
"Yes, I don't get to cook unless we have Bella round, and she always eats beforehand."
"Yeah," I said in a small voice, as Esme started to clean up various cooking utensils.
My stomach couldn't help but twist at the mention of her name. I swallowed the last peace of muffin quietly, it seemed to work its way slowly down my throat. I was no longer hungry.
Because thinking about Bella, made me think about Edward. I'd momentarily forgotten how much he must hate me now, I wanted to place my head in my hands, but that would only attract attention. That, I definitely, did not want. Any more attention, and I might just go mad. Though for some reason. When I thought of Edward, I did not feel worried. Nor guilty, no, what I felt was anger. Anger at him for treating me how he did beforehand. I was silly even to consider him saving me from Jasper. Stupid to jump to conclusions.
"Esme, do you mind, I'm going to," I thought quickly, "find Alice." I lied, Esme just smiled at me before arranging some flowers in a vase on the counter, I walked down the hallway, examining the walls as I went. I was more than a little surprised to see how much artwork there was, all it seemed, original. I wondered who painted the pictures, each and everyone was beautiful, so creative.
I turned, about to walk into the room I recognised as the dining room, the door was ajar, but I stopped. I could hear voices from within it. Heated voices.
I knew I should have walked away then, but curiosity took the better of me. Dimly I heard the over quoted phrase in my head, 'Curiosity killed the cat.' Well, it was good I wasn't a cat then, wasn't it?
Looking through the gap, wide enough for me to see half the room, I saw the two people I'd least expected to see. For there, standing a good 5 yards apart, was Edward and Jasper. Edward was in the centre of the room, whilst Jasper was at the other door way, unwilling, it seemed, to enter fully. And they didn't seem to be having a brotherly- or even remotely friendly for that matter - conversation.
Edward looked at Jasper, and his eyes were familiar to the time after I'd hit Bella, white fury burned in his topaz gaze, he advanced towards him, neither knew I was in proximity. Well, neither seemed to know, I was eavesdropping on them from behind the mahogany door.
"What," Edward spat. "Do you think you're doing in here." His voice shocked me, the malice laced his normally supple words. As were his movements, no longer eloquent and graceful, now they were deadly. Like the movements of a viper before it struck. Jasper walked further into the room, I felt the calm emanating off him, but ignored it, as, it seemed, Edward did. I wondered what an earth had made Edward speak to Jasper like this. Why was he so angry at him?
"Edward, you know how I feel." Jasper's normally controlled voice said, but I realised something, as his eyes met mine briefly. The pain in his voice, I knew, was caused by my scent, Jasper it seemed, knew I was here, whilst Edward didn't seem to have acknowledged that, not that he cared anyway. I thought bitterly, the scene of him hitting me flashed behind my now closed lids. Though I opened them again, wanting -despite myself - to see the conversation.
"That does not excuse what you did." Edward's reply was still deadly.
"Almost did." Jasper corrected. What were they talking about?
"The thought was clear Jasper, you were going in to kill." Edward now sounded disgusted.
"Edward," Jasper's tone was almost pleading now, "You know I would never have hurt her."
Oh great. So that was the reason why Edward hated Jasper.
The reason why they were fighting.
Me.
Just great.
"You were about to kill her." The statement was short and blunt, but I sensed more to it. Edward was drawing closer to Jasper now, and sighing slightly, I walked into the room, both heads snapping round to face me. Jasper looked remorseful, and I felt terrible. He of course didn't realise that I'd already forgiven him. Edward just looked shocked. Maybe his senses were down, I mean, couldn't he smell me? My blood, that pulsed through my veins? Blood that had so often been spilt on account of the Cullens. Blood that I would willing give to end the feuds that were evidently brewing. The feuds that had formed all due to one small idiotic person: me.
"Lucie, I'm sorry, you have no idea how much-" Jasper's apology hit me first, I just stared at him sighing.
"Jasper, I-" But someone cut across me. My annoyance (that I did not even know I'd possessed until this moment) mounted. Considerably.
"Jasper, I think you should leave," Edward said with authority, stepping in front of me. The nerve. "You've already proven that you can't control yourself around her." I stared at Edward, appalled, and wondered why he kept referring to me as her, honestly, the way he said it made me sound like I was a victim of the plague. My irritation for Edward rose again, the heat filling me as I stepped in front of him, ignoring his outstretched arm. I pushed against it, but it was like pushing a solid wall. Jasper moved towards me, the apology still apparent in his eyes, the slight movement made Edward hiss.
Jeesh, what was his problem? Why now so protective?
"Stay away from her."
"I have a name you know." I muttered crossly, only to be ignored. Edward and Jasper now seemed to be having a staring contest. Edward moved closer, and he seriously looked like he was going to drag Jasper out through the open window.
"Edward," I said impatiently, irritated that he hadn't responded. "don't, I forgive him already." Then, Edward for the first time, stopped. He turned slowly and looked at me, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. His eyes hit mine with the precision of lasers, and I was suddenly aware of the eerie silence that had fallen over the room, like a dark blanket. I glanced at Jasper, his eyes were now morose. Great. I gave him what I could only hope was an understanding smile, before he left. Then the silence suddenly intensified. I didn't even know that that was possible. Of course, Edward was the first to brake it.
"How can you forgive him Lucie?!" He exclaimed exasperatedly as he rounded on me, "He nearly killed you, and you're just going to forget that? Brush it off as an accident? I was only trying to-" But I cut him off, disgusted. I stared back into his eyes, abruptly livid.
"Hypocrite." I whispered. I'd meant to say the words viciously, trying to portray the anger surging through me, but once again I saw his golden gaze, his eyes, now topaz, burning in anger. I hated myself for the fact that they made me feel dizzy and the fluttering sensation that arose within me.
"Excuse me?" The voice was cold.
But it was not Edward, suddenly Bella walked into the room, her eyes narrowed as she observed the scene; Edward and I, alone in a room, inches away from each other. Well, this just looked great. Could things get any worse? "What did you just call Edward?" Her voice was quieter than his, delicate, yet filled with more anger. I wondered whom she'd unleash it on? Not. Only I would have to feel her wrath. Lucky me.
I knew I should feel intimidated. Here I was; arguing with a vampire (one strong enough to kill me in less than a heartbeat, whose family would support him in his actions) - and his girlfriend - who just happened to hate my guts.
So what I said next, was neither expected, nor very wise.
"A hypocrite: somebody who pretends to have admirable principles, beliefs, or feelings but behaves otherwise." I retorted sarcastically. Bella looked as if I'd punched her again. And I actually felt like smiling, for the first time today.
"Yes," She spat, her voice now falsely sweet, and her tone became patronising, as if explaining 1+1=2 to a very small (and stupid) child. Hmm… maybe she and Mr Banner had things in common? "But why did you call my boyfriend one." At this, she pulled Edward's smooth arm around her. I wondered absently why she'd accented the 'y' sounds with more venom than usual?
I sighed, thoroughly fed up now, I really have had enough of this tediousness. Come to think of it, staying at home, and even shopping with Alice, was better than this. And that is saying something. My head had now started to throb, I saw Edward - who had been standing still the whole time, observing - snake his arm around Bella's waist, holding her protectively, finally reacting to her. Bella, naturally, noticed this and smiled warmly up at Edward, only to contort her smile into one of smug malice as she turned back to me.
"Yes, why?" Edward spoke. His voice had lost it's previous angst, now just hard and cold. Despite his hold on Bella, his stance was rigid. I couldn't help but notice the fact that he looked uncomfortable. He was not the only one.
"Because Edward," I replied coldly, mirroring his unconcerned tone. "you did the same as Jasper. Only worse. You nearly killed me, and endangered my life, caused blood the stain the ground, let me suffer. And yet you shout at Jasper? When he didn't even make me spill blood." My own voice sounded odd. It was like ice again; cold and indifferent. "And can't you see? I don't care! But still, you accuse Jasper of nearly killing me, and then threaten him to leave, when what you did to me was worse." I finished and Edward and Bella looked shocked, their faces mirrored in surprise at my sudden speech, letting out the anger that had been steadily building inside me. They both knew- all too well, that it was the truth.
The silence intensified. Again.
"Bella! Come upstairs now! You need to have a makeover!" Bella ran from the room, to be tortured by Alice, this was bad. She was willing to be put at Alice's mercy, in order to escape the room. I should have stayed quiet.
Looking round, I saw Edward had left. I was now standing in my room, once again alone. It seemed they didn't need to move. Ignoring me, had the same affect. The numbness started to crawl back. I walked out, deciding I needed to clear my head.
Once I was outside, the rain hit me. Hard. Soaking me once more, though I could not feel it. I could not feel anything, and to be honest, it scared me.
I don't know how long I stood there, I was only aware of Carlisle's voice, coaxing me back inside, but I wanted to stay. The rain was peaceful, so devoid of anything else. Glumly I followed Carlisle back inside, he was called by Esme though, leaving me in the door way.
I hated this hallway, I always ended up in it. I walked swiftly into the next room, the door was open, and I attempted to go through it. But halfway it slammed shut. Leaving my foot in the crevice. Ow. I looked up to see whoever had just caused my poor toe damage. And wasn't surprised when I saw him. Edward Cullen. I shuffled inside, wondering if it would be best to go back to the hallway.
"Hurrumpet…" I muttered darkly in an undertone, momentarily forgetting the fact that vampires had super hearing.
Why did I say it? Edward of course, noticed my mistake at once. The anger flowed hot in my veins, completely erasing the numbness. He was the person who had hurt my toe. And I suddenly wished I had some lead piping. Heavy Lead piping.
"Did you just say hurrumpet?" Edward asked sardonically, arrogantly raising his right eyebrow. Yes. Lead piping would be perfect, seeing as we were in the dining room. It could be one big game of Cludo. Who killed Edward Cullen with the lead piping in the dining room? Of course, no one would suspect the weak human. In other words, myself. The eyebrow was the main thing that made me say the next sentence (no, it was the fact I couldn't do the same with my eyebrow that made me say the next sentence) coldly, as I turned childishly away from him, not wanting his topaz gaze to raise my pulse. A pulse, that drew everyone in the room to me. Though surprisingly, my callousness caused Emmett to start laughing jovially, no doubt, as he saw the startled look on Edward's expression. I hadn't even realised he was in the room.
I retorted with great dignity.
"Why yes Edward. Yes I did."
Honestly, did he not know the meaning of the mighty word: hurrumpet? Edward was seriously living in the past…
Emmett was still laughing, and Edward went awfully quite all of a sudden. But then the atmosphere seemed to stiffen slightly, or at least, it did for me. Rosalie walked into the room, and it honestly hurt to look at her. My own blonde hair looked horrible next to hers still damp from rain, hers fell in cascades of elegant curls, perfectly down her slender back. Her clothes clung to her in all the right places, whilst my just plastered to me, still wet from the rain. Abruptly I was very thankful for the light jacket Alice had provided. Water and thin fabric, were not a good combination.
Rosalie walked fluidly over to Emmett's side, and as she drew closer, she seemed even more stunningly beautiful, she saw my awed gazed, and her eyes drew lazily over my own figure, she looked at me as if I were a sea slug. In fact, she looked at me, the way I looked at myself. She cast Emmett a glare, he was still chortling and attempted to stifle his laughed as he caught Rosalie's eye but failed. I smiled then, Emmett was genuinely nice, alright Rosalie hated me, but hey, it was a step up, right?
Okay… Alice, Emmett, Carlisle: they all liked me to an extent. On the other hand… Rosalie clearly hated me; Edward was currently looking sulkily out the window, from my previous remark; Bella had already threatened to kill me if I told anyone about her past; and Jasper… well, he had just tried to suck my blood, a mere eight or so hours previously…
Overall, the people who hated me slightly overruled the liking side. Just a bit.
Rosalie murmured something, though I could not hear it, I cast a glance at Edward surreptitiously, he grimaced as he heard Rosalie, and for once, I was glad of not being able to hear as well as he could. I felt awkward then, though at least the tension could not get any higher.
But then, Bella and Alice entered the room.
I was mistaken. The tension now was equal to likes of someone in close proximity to a lit stick of dynamite. I looked down at my feet hastily at their arrival, Rosalie sighed, at whatever Emmett had just said in an undertone, and promptly left the room. Just leaving: me, Edward, Emmet, Alice and Bella. Take a guess at the one who was least welcomed?
Alice broke the tension by smiling evilly, Edward just grunted, as he heard Alice's thoughts.
"Bella, you did not come shopping yesterday!" Alice trilled.
"Yes, well, I did have a pretty good excuse," Bella said haughtily, but not before she had an after thought, which seriously made me want to hit her. On second thoughts, I'll need the lead piping and the candlestick…
"Why can't Lucie go with you." Bella didn't even have the courtesy to look at me, the one she was condemning to torture.
"Yes, well I had a pretty good excuse too." I said, and everyone turned round at my speech, well, everyone excluding Edward. And all their faces looked sorry again. Ugh, I shouldn't have spoken.
"Well then, Bella, you have o come shopping now!"
"Ooooh! I want to come shopping!" Exclaimed Emmett with enthusiasm, Edward turned to look at him, disgusted. I choked back a giggle.
"No Emmett, we're going girl shopping." Said Alice sternly. Thank goodness I got out of that.
"Dammit!" Emmett swore loudly, a look of genuine disappointment flashing across his face - okay, I was 98% sure he was acting - but still, it was funny.
"Bella, please?" Alice said, now looking like a puppy, Bella just groaned, but complied, she and Alice left. Bella giving Edward a swift kiss before darting out into the rain, and into Alice's Porsche. I knew all to well that Bella had only gone because I had been here. And I think Edward did too.
Emmett had already left the room, no doubt to find Rosalie. Now it was just me and Edward. Well, great.
I shuffled slightly, pondering on whether leaving or not. It struck me, that now Alice had left there was no-one I could really speak to. I was just about to find Esme when Edward spoke, still staring out into the rain.
"I'm sorry Lucie."
He sighed, normally, I would probably accept this, forgive him in an instant. But I still felt angry, frustrated at his dismissive tone earlier, at the way he'd spoken to me without real meaning. The cold indifferent tone he used, whenever Bella was present.
"About what?"
"You're right, I'm a hypocrite."
I didn't quite no what to say to this.
I sighed then, and ran fingers through my still wet-hair, sighing. The same gesture my father made this morning. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, though I did not look up, pretty certain that he would return them to the rain outside.
"Yeah, well I'm sorry too."
I looked up, and was shocked to see Edward's expression, once more angry.
"Why Lucie? Why? You're constantly apologising, and yet nothing is ever your fault! Stop it, you only make us look worse." His tone was angry and hard.
What was I meant to say? I'm sorry? Okay maybe not…
I just looked up at him, but stopped half way, unwilling. For I knew as soon as I looked into his smouldering gold eyes, laced with emotion - that I did not want or need to see - that my resolve would be over and I would forget my hate in a heartbeat. Which would no doubt, by faster than usual.
"Yeah well, I can't help it. All I ever do ends up in someone getting hurt." Namely me, though it didn't say this. "I hate this Edward, I can't do anything, I'm weak, and fed up. All I ever do is injure myself, which then enforces sympathy from everyone else. I'm sick of being so pathetic."
There was a silence then. Edward was evidently still angry, he replied wryly.
"Don't be so pessimistic."
Yeah, because he was a total optimist!
"I'm not Edward, I'm realistic."
"And how exactly," Edward said, his topaz eyes burning into my own, "is staying in close proximity to vampires, who all find your blood exceedingly potent-" He was closer to me now, I smell his breath, intoxicating, much like the jacket's scent. "Realistic?" He breathed the last word, and I almost couldn't answer. My mind had gone blank.
"Nice to know I'm welcomed." I said sarcastically.
"You know, there is a fine line between irony and sarcasm."
"Yes, but using sarcasm is better than portraying how I really feel."
What the hell made me say that?!
Edward shut up. His eyes darting between my own, he kept doing this. Looking straight into my eyes. And to be frank, it was annoying. He of course, did not realise it was the main reason I didn't retort to his comments, because when he did this, my mind went blank.
A smile tugged at the corners of his lips then, and I wondered if he'd just read my thoughts? I sincerely hoped not.
"Your eyes are very-"
"Yes, we've already discussed the oddity of my eyes, thank you." I said coldly. He ignored me.
"In fact, I have a hypothesis about them." He mused, smirking now.
"Wow."
"Enough with the sa-
"That Edward," I said, stepping away from him slightly, his lean physique towered over my own. I tried to look taller. And failed. "Was irony."
"Stop distracting me from my hypothesis." He smirked again, and I think I had another quality to add to my list of not liking him. Arrogance. He seemed to have quite a healthy dose of it. "You're eyes, they get greener when your angry, much greener, and when you're happy, they turn back to caramel brown. It makes it very easy to guess your mood."
Well great. So Edward couldn't read my mind, yet he could read my eyes, it seemed I would have to be permanently blind around him. He carried on, still smirking. Where the heck was my lead piping?!
"Right now, you're-"
"Sick of conversations revolving around my hazel eyes?"
"Nope, just angry, that's why they're so green." Ugh! His tone was still mocking, did he find it amusing? My irritation- my anger? He was after all - the soul cause of it.
I felt cross again, and Edward was about to face my wrath.
"Edward, can you stop this?"
"Stop what?" He said, with innocence.
"Stop acting like this around me when we're alone. You're personality's forever switching, first you seem to like me (or at least, you don't seem to intentionally ignore me,) then the next minute, you hate me. It's one or the other Edward. You can't act like this," I waved my hand at him, "and then act completely differently when other people are around. I don't like fake people Edward."
"And I don't like lies."
His tone stopped my anger. It was flat once more, his eyes burned with too much fervour. Yet he was correct. Though I could not tell him the truth. My whole life had been built around lies, I had to lie to fit in. I've always been different to others. Always been a freak.
So Edward had finally seen through my façade, just like Bella had.
There was a lump in my throat now, and I felt like I was going to burst into tears. I didn't, my eyes dried instantly. I was good at hiding tears, I supposed I should be; I'd had 2 years at getting good at it. In fact, I could probably be classified as an expert. And besides. I would not be weak. I just gave him a look, he was still staring at me and so I spoke darkly.
"I guess we know which emotion you've settled on then." knowing full well, that hatred did not cover it. Pure loathing maybe?
"I guess we do."
He turned in a swift motion, and was gone, literally vanishing before my eyes. Though when the door slammed, letting out a gush of cold air, it was not hard to guess where he'd gone off to.
The anger had not yet subsided in my veins. I needed something to improve my mood. And fast. Walking back through into the kitchen, I saw Esme. With a stab, I realised she must have heard everything I'd said.
At this moment I really did not like Edward Cullen.
Though what I felt, was nothing compared to what he felt.
Great. Just perfect.
"Esme," I sighed, talking bluntly, before sitting on a stool. "I need another muffin."
***
This is not a cliff hanger, so don't throw any scissors at me! Okay, so I had to shorten this chapter, because it was too long! And I'm sorry, the first bit of the next chapter, will still be the weekend, Lucie will return to school though- never fear, after all, we can't just forget about dear Mike, can we?
The mighty word: hurrumpet? A long story…
Anyway, thanks tonnes to those who review! It means the world to me, it's scary how happy I get when I see one :p And I'm sorry for not updating sooner, I had a horrible long car journey with my grandparents, sister and father. My sister kept trying to annoy me, by several painful methods (I think that's her soul purpose in life: to annoy me.) And my granddad's hearing aid kept making high pitched whistling noises… imagine two six hour trips of that! So yeah… grrss..
Cheer me up? Hit that review button? Pwease? Pwetty pwease? Pwetty pwease and you get a chocolate and blueberry muffin? And those who write long reviews, well, I still have a few spare Edwards? Appeal to anyone?
Thanks for reading!
Lily- who has a rather has shortened her authors note! *gasp* And would like some reviews as a reward? Muffins anyone? :p