Chapter 4: Forever's a pretty long time

The weather had turned from the cheery sun of the earlier day was now muted by the onslaught of the coming thunder-heads. Jake dropped my hand to pull me close and ease my slight shivering. He looked down at me, a multitude of emotions flitted across his face in an instant. We waves were crashing loudly, and Jake redirected his stare there.

Without looking at me he asked,

"Did you mean it?"

My resolve wavered a little as his statement chipped away at the strong façade I had been showing. I followed his gaze towards the ocean, staring at nothing. His grip around my arm never loosened, and for that I was grateful.

"I've never meant anything so much in my entire life Jake." It was true. A weak smile tugged at his lips, although never reaching his eyes.

He nodded, "I can't do it again Bells…I can't be without you again,"

For the first time today he let go of me and shoved his hands deep into his jacket. He turned to face me and put the full force of his emotions behind his eyes trying to see through mine, deep down to my depths.

My breath became ragged as he spoke again.

"I gotta know Bells I- I, what I mean is, I need you know that forever is a pretty long time and I'm gonna hold you to your words in there…"

I thought for a moment about Jake's definition of forever. I smiled internally knowing that with Jacob, I would never have to truly suffer the consequences of committing to such a word. That ultimately, our days would be numbered, but that those days would be full of life. Warmth and security intertwined, weaving in and out of my heart. I also knew that out of our love would come new life. Something that would have been void from my alternate delusion of forever.

But seeing him now, almost broken, a slight mirror image of my remnants after abandonment; my promise would cause him to suffer no more.

On the balls of my feet, I placed my hand to his cheek. He shuttered the tiniest bit at the cool contact.

"I, more than anyone else, have done quite a bit of research on the topic of forever Jake…and what I've come to find is that, it's not so much about the time, but the person in which you choose to spend that time."

A hint of sadness plagued his eyes, as he was seemingly afraid of what might come next.

"There is no future for me that does not include you, Jacob Black."

With that his eyes melted and I felt his smile tighten his cheeks under my hand. Jake wrapped his warm fingers through mine and held them in place. I smiled in response. At that moment, he seemed satisfied. But it was short lived, because he slowly lowered our hands between us before releasing my fingers. The sadness returned and shifted he body angling it away from me.

"What happens when he comes back? I'm sorry Bells, but I can't help but feel like this is all too easy for you…what I mean is, I'm all that's left. You don't have another choice this time…just your, your… fucking leftovers."

I grimaced and flinched and his harsh words. Never before had Jake shown me how deep his wounds really ran. The hurt that hung in the breeze was almost tangible. I stared at his back. We stood in the quiet, two figures wrecked by tortuous abandonment. Two jagged pieces of a whole, trying to force itself back into place. But I could see the damage I had done clear as day. It didn't matter that the ominous storm approaching had suffocated all the light with it dark clouds.

The pain radiated off Jake in waves creating a thin shell around his form. I was blocked out from him now. With every fiber of my being I ached to reach out and comfort this angel that I had damaged. I resisted though, knowing Jake needed time to work through what he thought were my empty promises, to see to the truth in them.

He sighed heavily and ran is hand over his cropped hair.

"Look, I'm sorry if I gave you the uh, wrong impression in there…" he nodded towards the house,
" it's just, I've missed you more than you know Bells and when I heard what you had to stay, I willed myself into believing that it was true…that you wanted me now. Ugh. I don't know, it just felt so good to believe it."

He walked off towards a log and slumped his body down to the sand with his back to the wood. It was true then. I was too late. That part of him that I so desperately wanted to be apart of, was closed off to me now. I pictured a flickering neon sign hanging in a dark window "CLOSED". My eyes started to sting with tears of pain. Not my own, but for him. After I knew all to well, the scorch a love lost could do, I unintentionally subjected Jacob to the same burn. Slowly, I turned to face him as he picked his head up to meet my sad eyes with his own. It still hurt Jake to see me upset, I could tell by smallest twitch his face made when he registered my expression.

"Bells…look I- I still love you…but… it like you said once…I'm just not sure if it's enough anymore."

He cast his eyes down to the sand that he was dragging through his fingers.

I nodded stiffly; afraid to lower my head, for fear that the puddle of tears filling rapidly now, would spill over.

"Ok Jake…" my voice broke hard, "I understand."

He peeked up at me sheepishly once more, just in time to see me turn and walk away from him.

I trudged through the sand as the tears came freely now. Walking away from him felt wrong. Like trying make yourself to write with the opposite hand…it felt forced and unwanted. But if there is one thing I have learned, it's to fight for what you want. Not to stand idly by as it blurs and disappears before you. I had grown into a stronger side of myself over the last few months. I braced my knuckles and clamped my jaw tight. I was going to fix this. Make it right. Jacob had fought long and hard for me. I intended to do the same.

A/N: I figured Jacob needed to give Bella a little run for her money…not to worry I like happy endings Please review! Your responses encourage me! Thanks