A/N I'd like to thank you all for waiting for me to be able to write again, to come back to this story when I posted that first chapter after such a long time of nothing. I'd also want to thank those of you who loyally keep writing reviews and the kind words you have said in them. I appreciate them and they help me as much as I'm helping some of you with this story, in whatever capacity it might be. So thank you all for being here, you all rock.

Let's continue with the next chapter, shall we?

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Stand a little taller. - Kelly Clarkson

Chapter 65

"I know you just had surgery and have to recover, physically, from that, but I'd like for you to think and talk with Alex, of course, about, at first, in some kind of way, partly coming back to SVU, forming a team with Jane and Kerry with you being head of it as a Sergeant," Cragen said.

To say that Oliver was shocked, would be an understatement. As it was clear on his face that he was shocked, and not knowing how he would respond, everyone held their breath. It was quiet for a while, everyone seemed to notice that Oliver needed some time to think about Cragen's request and how to respond to it, regardless of what his answer to said request would be.

After a minute or two Oliver turned his head and looked at his wife. A silent conversation followed between him and Alex. They didn't need words to talk as some in Oliver's room knew, or as it turns out should have remembered, or were just finding it out.

With the look in her eyes, Alex let Oliver know that whatever his decision would be she would support him, the hint of a smile on her lips let the Detective know that she thought he was ready to make the decision of going back to the precinct and be a cop again or to walk away from his job and go into a new direction workwise. Oliver knew that Alex would be proud of him no matter what he would choose but he also knew with that same smile he could do it and that she would be proud if he would say yes to Cragen's request, and would do anything she could to support her husband on his journey back to being a Detective, well becoming a sergeant it seems to be.

Oliver nodded at Alex as a thank you and thought about this new situation a bit longer. It came to his mind that while Kerry and Gena knew some of what happened in the past months, they didn't know everything that happened and therefore didn't know that he was about to decide on his working future and life. And while he wasn't comfortable with telling them everything that happened in detail, they deserved a better picture of what he was dealing with after being so open about their own lives and coming to him to talk and indirectly asking for his help with that. It must have been hard to come forward to him after being blackmailed and threatened to be exposed and for them to trust him with it, especially after what happened to them. It seemed fair to Oliver to open up to them now himself. And it also would give him a bit more time to think about his answer while telling them or explaining to them what happened to him and why it would be coming back after a longer time than they probably would think. Oliver looked back at Alex again, and the blonde attorney sensed by looking at his face, what he wanted to do and nodded assuringly and encouragingly at him. It was at that moment Oiver instantly knew what his answer would be. There were still women, children, and men out there in the city that needed his help. And while he could empathize with them and knew on a certain level what they were going through, he now could do it more and even better than he could have done before. He knew he had a long way to go and wasn't where he wanted to be himself, he also knew that he could show them that it was possible to have a life after what happened to them. And while he still had a process to go through and was coming to terms and learning to deal with what happened to him, something that wasn't or wouldn't be easy at all, for the first time since everything that happened, he got that feeling and drive again to try and get justice for victims, like himself now, again. He felt like he just made a start to get back to being his usual self. In a way, he was thankful for Cragen's request, and later on, when they would be alone, sometime in the future, he would thank his Captain for the gift he just gave him without knowing that he did.

Alex looked closely at her husband and saw the sudden change in him, a quick look around told her that everyone else hadn't noticed it, but she sure had noticed it herself. The blonde got up from her chair next to Oliver's bed and leaned over to the strong Detective, and looked into his eyes before she briefly kissed his lips and then sat down again in her chair. The short interaction between them told Oliver that his wife knew what just happened. The corners of his lips curled a tiny bit but it was enough for Alex to know that her husband knew she saw the change, he looked around the room and instantly knew that nobody else had seen it. They all had the same look on their faces as they had right after Cragen had made his request. Kerry and Gena's eyes showed a bit of a surprise and a look of not exactly knowing what was going on, while Jane and Abby had a certain glimpse of hope in their eyes but other than that their faces were neutral. Cragen's face showed nothing but he could tell from the look in his eyes that multiple things or feelings were going on inside his Captain. He noticed that Cragen tried to read his Detective but Oliver knew that he wouldn't get the answer he was looking for, at his face. No matter how good they all were as a cop or attorney, there was only one person able to almost always read him and that was his wife. For a second he smirked to himself inside before he started to talk.

"Before I answer you, Captain, I think it's my turn to at least reveal something to Kerry and Gena about why you requested this in the first place," Oliver said.

Knowing what Oliver wanted to do, Cragen just nodded as his answer to the Detective.

A look at each other told Gena and Kerry that they both wanted to say something to Oliver and Gena nodded at Kerry as to say that she should go ahead and speak.

"Oliver, you don't owe us anything. You don't have to say anything about why Captain Cragen made a request. It's not for us to know nor is an explanation needed as to why," Kerry said.

Oliver shook his head before he answered Kerry.

"I know that I don't owe you anything, but at the same time, I do. Gena and yourself trusted me and told me and all of us here in this room about what was going on in your lives. That took a lot of courage and a level of trust that wasn't easy to do given the circumstances you find yourselves in. So yes, I do owe you two, I owe both of you to trust you two on the same level you trust or trusted me, and therefore you deserve to get an explanation why he made a request, so you get the picture behind it as you did with me by telling me what happened to you and is happening, even though that will be ending very soon," Oliver replied.

"I know I or we, can't change your mind, but we still don't think you owe us. That doesn't mean we don't want you to tell us anything. And if it is anything as hard to deal with as we had like I think it will be, we just let it be and don't make it any harder for you than it already will be," Kerry answered back.

Oliver nodded at Kerry and gave her a small smile before he looked at Alex. She reached for Oliver's hand before he could do it, and with that doing something he shouldn't be doing now, and squeezed it, then just kept her hand in his and let them be joined. Oliver took a deep breath and then started to talk, to explain, to Kerry and Gena.

"Well, you both know what happened to me when I was in the hospital after I got hit by a car, and you know that I"m in the process now, so to speak, but you don't know what happened before or after that, which is the reason why the Captain made his request. I'll start with before that surgery, then go from there till where we are now, but I warn you it is a lot to take in," Oliver said, taking another deep breath before he continued.

"Without going into much detail, as it was an ongoing investigation at the time, and it's still too hard for me to talk about it in detail, and for some of us to talk about or hear about it as well, anyway, a few days before that day in the hospital, we had a case, it ended with an undercover operation that went wrong and I was thrown into jail in a cell with our suspect, you both are not stupid so I don't need to say more than that didn't end well, and it took some time for the squad to find out where I was and who I was with. After what happened with that operation going wrong and the case itself, the captain ordered me to take a few days off, which was the first and the last time I did as told, I can tell you that. I went for a run on the first day off and ended up in the hospital after I got hit by that car, you know almost everything about what happened then, so I'll skip that part.

After that, Alex and I went away from the city to partly recover from the surgery and partly to deal with the aftermath of all that had happened so far, including the hospital. It was then, after conversations with Alex, that I found out about being transgender myself, and in that same time we were away, we got together after being in love with each other without knowing that for years about each other, not going into that, anyway since we never did things the normal way, we didn't do it with this as well, and I asked Alex to marry me during that same time we were away, and as you know, as we are married, she said yes.

Anyway, to get us back on track, we got back to the city to talk with Liz and Cragen about both getting married and being transgender. At the end of that conversation, we decided to go and tell the squad as well, figuring that if they would react badly we would be gone soon again anyway.

There was only one person we thought would react badly and turned out we were right, he was the only one that reacted badly, just so you know and won't think that this precinct will be the same as the 48th, the rest of my squad reacted very well and were genuinely happy for me and for Alex and me being together. The only one that didn't react well was my former partner, he is as bigoted as you can get, and while we knew he would react badly, we didn't think or suspect he would react as he did. He attacked me, by hitting me in the stomach and would have done much more hadn't he been pulled away from me. Now normally that wouldn't have been a big deal, and I probably, well, most certainly, would have kicked his sorry ass for all that he said, but since I just had that hysterectomy the week before that, his hit caused me to get internal bleeding and I ended up in the hospital yet again. So he got arrested for assaulting an officer of the law. That meant we had three lawsuits or cases in court to deal with. We decided to split up the case against our suspect. The first case would be about why the NYPD arrested him in the first place, and the second would be about what happened to me. The third case was against my former partner and his assault against me. He wasn't my partner anymore before his attack, just to be clear.

Only, it didn't come that far. Yes, the cases went to trial, but without my presence that is, while I would have been present and a witness in all cases, I wasn't because while being in the hospital after being hit in my stomach, I was shot, and was in an induced coma for two months after getting shot, as it turned out, our suspect hired a hitman to kill me. He came close to it, but as you can see, didn't succeed. To finish up, both the suspect and my former partner were convicted of their crimes. Our suspect won't be getting out of jail as long as he lives. My former partner got 8 years and 2 years probation and on top of that, he got fired by the NYPD. I know I kept saying suspect, but I'm not there yet, I can't say their name, yet.

During my recovery, Alex and I got married and we started with "the" process, and with that, we are where we are, now.

So long story short, due to all that happened, I haven't been back at the precinct because I needed and still need to recover from everything that happened, mentally that is, physically I'm almost back to where I was before I got shot. And with all that had happened and the few conversations we've had along the road, we've been going on so far, I didn't know what I wanted anymore, besides being married to Alex of course, and getting a sex-changing surgery. That's why the Captain requested me to think and talk with Alex about coming back and, apparently, taking the sergeant exam as well, " Oliver finished.

Both Gena and Kerry were shocked. Shocked at hearing about everything that happened to Oliver and Alex as well, and shocked about the level of trust he had in them by telling them all that happened. As Oliver had said to them, it wasn't easy to have that level of trust after everything that happened. Being a Detective or married to one and being a nurse, they both knew that it must have been bad what that suspect had done to him, and Kerry was pretty sure she knew what had happened, not that she would say anything about it, for sure not now, but unless she thought it would be really necessary and urgent, she wouldn't say something until Oliver would tell her what happened if he would ever do that. Both Kerry and Gena needed some time to process everything Oliver had just told them, but knowing that he needed to hear something or some kind of assurance, Kerry decided to speak up anyway and process everything completely later. A quality that most of them in the room had, being in law enforcement.

"First of all, thank you for sharing what happened with us, and I'm sorry for all that happened to you and Alex as well. I know it is a lot to tell or to take in, and I need some time to get my head around it completely, but I do want you to know that nothing has changed, you're still the same person to me as you were before. I understand that you needed or need time to think about if you would want to come back or not, to the precinct I mean, but even if you would decide that you don't, it doesn't change my opinion and I would understand it if you decide against it. But know, if you decide to come back, I will be excited and more than happy to work with you again, even though you'll kick my ass from time to time. Again, kicking my ass again, I should say, so nothing really changed, well aside from being my boss apparently," Kerry said, and at the end trying to lighten things up a bit.

While Alex smiled at Kerry, silently thanking her for what she said, Oliver started to laugh.

It only took a few seconds before Jane started to laugh as well and soon after that everyone was laughing and they were laughing and joking for a few minutes.

After everyone got themselves together again after laughing so much, Oliver got serious again and got them back to where they were before but with having a bit of fun, well at least he would, and if his wife would pick it up like he thought she would, she would as well, inside herself that is. He slumped down in his bed, as well as he could do right now.

"I don't need to talk with Alex about your request," Oliver said.

Everyone but Alex, looked shocked and sad at the same time, with what he said and the way his body language had changed before he spoke, they all thought that he would decline and would leave the force. They knew that Oliver wasn't finished but at the same time, no one knew what to say as well. Seeing that he indeed managed to fool them all but Alex, he decided to not take it too far. He could have some fun but not to the extent that they all would be convinced he would quit and leave before he told them his answer.

"I don't need to talk with her now or later because I already have done it," Oliver said.

Now everyone was wearing a look of being confused, sad, and a bit shocked.

"I see, how long ago did Alex and yourself have that conversation, Oliver?" Cragen asked with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"How long have you known Alex and me, Captain?" Oliver asked, answering his question with one of himself.

"More than a decade," Cragen answered.

"You disappoint me a bit, Captain. Well you, Jane, and Abby, to be precise. You all should know by now that we don't always need to talk with words to have a conversation and that we, not always but often, can communicate without them. And by the looks on your faces and in your eyes, you didn't think of that. So, to answer your question, we had that conversation about one or two minutes after your request," Oliver answered.

Now they just looked shocked. They all knew that it wasn't that long that Oliver and Alex had looked at each other, that it wasn't even a minute, scratch that, it probably wasn't even close to 30 seconds. Three of them knew that they, over the years, had developed their own language, but none of them knew or realized to what extent it clearly could be.

"Now you all are insulting me, well Alex and me to be exact. But I'll let it slide this time because otherwise, we won't be getting anywhere tonight and I don't get the rest that some of you seem to think I need, and I don't want to be kept longer in this hospital because of that, I hate hospitals," Oliver said, well more like whined at the end.

That got them a small smile back on their faces, and they seemed a bit more relaxed as well. After all, while he might have partly joked, they also knew that he actually meant it, like some, if not all, of them, would do if they would be in that hospital bed.

Oliver decided that he'd have enough fun, and to finally answer Cragen's request.

"I knew when you said that I hadn't lost my touch and with what I did and had seen, that you would ask me something else than just asking me to come back if you would ask that. So that didn't shock me nor did it come as a shock to ask me, how indirectly it may have been, to take the sergeant's exam. But unless you would tell me that you would retire, which would shock me, I'm not really shocked but am surprised you would want me to be the head of the new team that we would be forming. Yes, I think that is what surprised me the most. And how, we have to talk about later, but yes I will come back to SVU, I'm not done yet with fighting for victims and fighting for their justice, or at least a part of it," Oliver answered.

It was quiet for about 2 seconds before a loud cheering exploded in Oliver's room. And that did shock and surprise, Oliver. He knew they would be happy, but he didn't know or wanted to acknowledge that he was wanted or appreciated this much. Everyone toned down their volume while they still were expressing their happiness when they saw the shy look on Oliver's face. They all knew he was the most modest person they would ever know when it came to him and the things he did.

"Welcome back Detective. Of all the things you could be shocked about or surprised about, why is it that for me to be wanting you to be the head of the new team?" Cragen asked.

"You know why, there are others that are as good if not better than I am," Oliver softly answered.

At that answer, Alex, Abby, Jane, and Cragen himself, shook their heads internally. They knew how insecure about himself or how low his self-esteem could be, while they knew how good he was, in almost whatever capacity you could think of. He was a good guy, he was a good friend, he was a good Detective, hopefully, a sergeant soon, and he was a good husband. And while it had been worse than it was recently becoming, he wasn't a good person for himself a lot of times, being too hard towards himself, but they knew that it was getting better and that it just needed more time to become something closer to what they knew he was and less what he thought himself that he was. And now it was time, Cragen thought, for him to steer his Detective a bit in that direction.

"Oliver, let's just say that most of us, if not all, disagree with you on that, so let's agree to disagree on that," Cragen said.

Oliver nodded at his Captain.

"Oliver, we all know that SVU is not for everyone, and most won't make it more than a few years before they transfer, whether it is permanently or temporarily, but do you really see yourself somewhere else within the force than the 16th precinct's SVU?" Cragen asked.

Oliver shook his head while he verbally answered, " No, I don't. SVU is where I belong, that is my home, so to speak," Oliver said.

"Exactly. Do you see where I am going with this?" Cragen asked.

" I think I do, but do tell me it yourself," Oliver answered as he nodded at the same time.

"You want me to spell it out for you, well more like for them, don't you, Oliver Benson?" Cragen asked with a smile in his voice.

Oliver just grinned back at him. And suddenly it became more clear for the rest of them as well. Most of them had a feeling but Alex knew for sure why he wanted and decided to answer for him and with that give her blessing to both of them for it.

"Spell it out for most of us, but not me, you mean. Let me spell it out for you, Captain," Alex said, without waiting for an answer she continued, "You might not retire right now, but somewhere in the future you will. And you want a successor that knows what they're doing with a department like SVU. More specifically, there is only one person in your eyes that could follow in your footsteps and fight for SVU, as you do and always have done," Alex said, but before she could continue, she got interrupted by her husband.

"And that's why you want me to take the sergeant's exam now and be the head of a new team within SVU, isn't it, Captain?' Oliver asked

"Well in a nutshell, yes. I want to slowly get you ready for that and then when the time comes, have you take the Captain's exam, so you are ready to take over when I do retire, as your wife was saying, there is only one person that I see fit to take over as my successor and that is you. There is no one better at what we do at SVU and have their heart in it than you do. And like me, you don't give a shit about politics or kissing asses, but you do know how to play the game if necessary. Although I have to say that it is mostly to get justice for the victims," Cragen answered.

While everyone besides Alex and Oliver was surprised, they weren't shocked by what was said nor by Cragen seeing his successor in Oliver. Actually, they were just proud of their friend that Cragen wanted him to be his successor in the future when he was ready to retire.

Oliver could see it in all of their eyes, including his wife's not that he didn't know that already about her. But he didn't know how to deal with all the praise and the feeling he got from seeing theirs, so he did what he always did.

"Bullshit, you just want someone, like you, who keeps everyone out of trouble while getting in trouble themselves while doing that. Oh wait, I already do that," Oliver said.

A/N 2 Some of you have asked, either in the past or just recently about the trials Oliver had to face, they were not forgotten, but I couldn't respond to that without giving away some things in this chapter. Thank you for being interested or wondering about them.