Heyyy!
*warning: annoyingly long A/N, this is what happens when I go without fanfiction for a weekend. Yeah. Not pretty…*
291 REVIEWS! Yaaayyyyy! (thanks loads, oh, and I thought… seeing as last chapter didn't boost this up to 300, this one could? Please? I'll be MEGA happy! Dangerously so. So much so that… I might update EXTRA fast… are you hearing me people? Extra fast update if 300 reviews? Come on, that's an offer you cannot refuse! :p)
Guess what? I AM ALIVE! (thanks to the reviewers who reviewed last chapter, and therefore stopped me from becoming obese from over eating too many muffins and then dieing as a consequence, wow, that's a mouthful. Try saying it all in one breath… !) Oh, and just for the record, for those who are worried about my health (bet you ALL are, right? Tee hee!) I am not obese, or any where near. So don't worry, I won't die anytime soon, and then not update because I'm dead. But I DID find that putting my life under risk earned over 20 reviews. Hmmss… very suspicious.
So yeah, thanks to all who review, it means a lot! Plus, your reviews are taken into serious account, and change what I write… so say what you feel, if you hate how the plot is moving, feel free to state that. I'll just have to feel depressed for a day or two, but hey, I'll get over it! (and yes, day or two is an exaggeration. Maybe minute or two would be more accurate?)
Okay, so I figured that each time I write on of these author's notes, I tend to say THANKS a lot, and then babble a bit about my boring life, and use it as an excuse for late updates… So yeah. I apologise for all that you have to endure. An yes. I also apologise for the freakishly long author's note in this.
I have one thing to say: be prepared for more of it. Okay?
Anyway, please review this, I've had it finished for 2 days already, but I've been in London, so I couldn't update.
Here it FINALLY is ;)
What happened last chapter:
And as I drifted off into an uneasy sleep, one question plagued my mind, which made my stomach twist in worry.
Was my father hiding something from me?
Though, I already knew the answer, in fact, I was certain of it.
Because deep within me, I knew the answer was yes.
My father couldn't trust me with the secret.
And that alone, scared me more than anything.
***
Ominous Truths
Rolling off the bed, is not the best way to wake up. Though it is however, a very effective method, as I found out this morning. Stupid restless sleep, wasn't it enough that I talked; slept walked; and always seemed to kick the sheets of the bed each night? And now I fell out of bed too? Great. What a prefect way to start the day…
My dreams had been chaotic last night, my and so my thoughts were subdued, as rubbed my head slightly from my fall. There had definitely been several, I knew that much. Yet they all seemed distorted, and vague, each was distant. Only one stayed in my mind, the least blurred; yet just as confusing. And, the most disturbing.
A dark forest, with wisps of mist rising and falling, movement as I drew nearer, steadily being pulled forward. The figure standing out from behind a tree, motioning with a pale finger, unable to see his face. Walking forward, ready to obey the person, wrapped up in a dark cloak, the mystery igniting the curiosity.
Something pulling, holding back, turning, looking towards the second figure, still immersed in shadow like the first. Suddenly knowing danger, trying to run, being unable to breathe. A pair of ice hands covering my lips a whisper in the ear.
"Finally, we're reunited."
I shook myself slightly. Trying to forget the silly dream. Yes, it was confusing, and blurred, but still, that didn't exclude the fact that it was creepy.
Actually, I didn't have any dreams last night.
I only had nightmares.
I proceeded to the bathroom, discarding the thoughts. I was awake now, that was all that mattered. I stripped from my pyjamas, and hopped into the shower. I knew this would allow me to think, but frankly, I didn't care. My hair felt nicer washed, and I needed to wake up. Slowly I turned up the heat on the shower, relishing in the warmth it provided, and willing the water to wake me up a bit more. But then, the reality of my day hit me. With the force of a ten tonne truck travelling at it's maximum velocity.
I had school.
Well, great.
I finished washing my hair quickly, and promptly began looking for new clothes, a cream towel wrapped firmly around me. I selected the first washed things, a pair of jeans and a tight small blue t-shirt. The weather outside however, with the rain from last night having evidently not subsided, looked, well. Wet.
I grabbed a black jumper and hurriedly headed downstairs.
A sensation crawled along the back of my neck then; an unpleasant one. I felt as if I'd forgotten something. But, dashing into the kitchen, I saw the time: 8:15, well crud! I was already late. I was about to depart swiftly before calling to my father to wake up, when I noticed the note on the counter. Opening it, I saw my father's messy scrawl, easily recognisable in the fact that it was nearly totally illegible.
Hey Honey! You've slept for a while, but I don't have the heart to wake your pretty little face up, (or I just don't want to face your morning wrath!) but I'm going to work early anyways. See you after school, don't be late back, remember; we have visitors!
Love you sweetie
Dad.
I smiled slightly at the message when I ran to the car, shielding myself as best I could from the rain. Still pouring heavily down, the dark rain clouds firmly in place above. The overwhelming depressing atmosphere.
Well hey! It was pathetic fallacy! Great…
The blue car's engine purred sleepily into life as I turned on the ignition. I liked this car, despite its old paintwork, and old engine and the old- well okay, it was just old in every respect. It had character though, not like Edward's Volvo. This car was hard going; long lasting. A nice car. Edward's shiny Volvo, was just that - a stupid shiny Volvo, that continued to make the other poor vehicles look bad because it was shinier than the rest of them!
What the hell was I ranting on about? Sighing, I discarded my stupid thoughts and drove through the rain, squinting at the windscreen, trying to see throw the waves of water that continued to fall. It got better, and soon I didn't need to pay so much attention to the road, I thought about the classes I had.
And stopped thinking after a second. Because I suddenly knew what I'd forgotten.
My blue bag was still at the Cullen's house. And it had my English essay in.
And I had English second.
Well, looks like it wouldn't be just Edward who turned up empty handed then, would it?
I'd reached the school by now and quickly hopped outside, only to find an umbrella sheltering me from the rain. I looked up, expecting to see Alice's pixie like face scowling at my attire. And muttering about the state of my shoes.
So you can imagine my surprise when I saw Mike holding it, and standing very close to me.
Okay, so my first feeling was the initial surprise and shock, at why Mike was there, instead of Alice. Then, I felt awkward, by the fact that I had suddenly frozen and was probably staring at Mike too much. Then I wondered how an earth Mike had just managed to appear, seemingly out of thin air and place an umbrella above my head.
Wait, hang on.
Since when did boys carry umbrellas?
"Hey Lucie, couldn't let you get wet now, could I?" Mike grinned down at me, my back was still pressed against the side of my car, in fact, Mike was making it hard for me to breathe.
"Oh, right, thanks." I mumbled, trying to squirm free of Mike, one of his hands was holding the umbrella, but the other was getting closer and closer to my shoulder. Ugh! I couldn't escape, I was firmly wedged between the car and Mike. And I knew which I preferred out of the two.
Thankfully, my saviour arrived, in the shape of Lauren. In fact, I don't think I've ever been so pleased to see her.
"Well, look what the cat dragged in." Lauren appeared from the next car, eyeing me spitefully. And good morning to you too! I thought darkly.
"Mike, your squishing Lucie! She's not thin enough for you to do that." Her tone was malicious, and implied that I wasn't thin. I couldn't care less, because I knew that I was probably thinner than her, and I'm not saying that was a good thing. "Lovely clothes by the way Lucie, very Gothic." She sneered, what she mean? Gothic? Okay, so yeah, I supposed a black jumper and jeans looked more gothic than what she was wearing. And I'd rather be a Goth any day, than ever wear what she was wearing.
"Right, I love your clothes too," I didn't realise it was 'dress-like-a-slut-day' okay, maybe it wasn't best to say something like that, I mean, I wasn't exactly in Lauren's good books, was I? "I didn't realise it was summer yet."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
Oh, you know, only that your skirt seems a teeny bit short for February.
I realised I was still stuck. Mike seemed to have gone rigid, and was now pressing against me, in an attempt to almost shield me from Lauren. Though the simple fact of the matter was, he was basically cutting off my air supply. I tried to cough, but couldn't suck in a breath to do so. God I was stuck.
"Mike?" Jessica's voice drifted across the cark park, it made Mike jump and that was all the distraction I needed. I slipped through between Mike's outstretched arm holding the umbrella, and darted into the school. Leaving Mike with Lauren, and a soon to be Jessica. I almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost. If he hadn't just nearly crushed me. He was about to get one hell of a lot of flirting from the girl who's face had long been covered in makeup. I sincerely wished it wasn't waterproof. And, was probably going to have to endure Jessica's babble.
"Lucie!" I turned to find Angela beaming at me, I smiled back, noticing the way her normally straight hair had been curled slightly, it suited her, I wondered if Ben was the cause.
"Hey." I grinned, seeing a bedraggled Mike enter, his own hair sopping and Lauren trailing behind him. Angela turned to me and smiled, I felt instantly relieved to have her as a friend. Despite all the hate I seemed to surge up, causing it to be practically emanating off people, Angela still wanted to be my friend, and that meant a lot to me.
"I saw what happened in the car park," Angela said conversationally, grinning, as we walked to our first class. "Mike's still eager then?" I rolled my eyes and let out a 'humph' sound.
"Yeah, never knew he liked to carry round umbrellas…" I muttered, Angela laughed.
"All for your benefit it seemed. C'mon, it was kind of cute."
I suddenly felt the urge to gag.
"I suppose," I said nonchalantly. "If he hadn't half crushed me in doing so."
"Good point." Angela said, still smiling as we entered Biology. For the first time, we were early, I sat down and Angela sat down with me momentarily, evidently wanting to say something, but not before Jessica entered. And made a beeline straight to us.
"Lucie, Angela!" He voice sounded unnaturally friendly, it had lost it normally bubbly gossipy origin, and bitchiness whenever she was around Lauren. Now it just sounded fake.
"Hi." Chorused Angela and I at the same time, I mirrored her smile. Looking straight at Jessica, determined to find out what she was so interested in, or - more to the point - what she wanted.
"Lucie, I'm sorry I acted so bitchy the other day, it was totally uncalled for, I was just like, I don't know…" She mumbled quickly, yet I couldn't help but detect the resentment mingled in her words.
"It's okay." I said calmly, Jessica gave me a smile. A very fake smile, the sort you give to people who are younger than you. And then, Angela spoke.
"Jessica, you do realise Lucie's not remotely interested in Mike, don't you?" I turned to her. So she'd also seen the infatuation, but to link it to this? Wow, Angela was good. Jessica's face promptly flushed scarlet, and I hurriedly confirmed this.
"Yeah, seriously," And then I added something so cheesy, I was surprised I could say it with a straight face, "he's all yours!" Jessica (still scarlet) did look slightly mollified at this, and turned back to walk over to her own table, before nodding slightly. I could practically see her brain whirring.
"Cheers Angela." I smiled, Taking off my black jumper, it was surprisingly warm in the room. She just grinned and sat a few seats in front of me, as the teacher entered the class. He began writing something on the board, his voice a single low monotone, drawling slightly, as if he was speaking through a blocked nose.
"Today we're going to be studying the genetic background and format of the-"
It was probably then that my brain switched off. Though it could have been after 'today,' I wasn't sure, it was hard to pinpoint.
Biology passed very, very slowly. Made up of trying not to fall asleep through the lecture and writing answers to the annoyingly easy questions. And having free time in which I spent by fuming slightly. Which was probably partially why I'd felt the room was too warm, because of the fire burning in me. Why was I fuming?
Because I didn't have my flipping English essay!
The bell rang, and the class stood up, I looked for Angela amongst the crowd of oncoming students, prepared to walk with her to English, but then I saw them. Ben and her. Awh, sweet! I didn't walk over to them, just continued out the class room, smiling slightly. They really were a great couple.
As I walked down the corridor however, the truth occurred to me. I'd only been here a week, my timetable was in my bag. Which was at the Cullens'. And so, I had no clue where an earth my English class was. All I could remember was the name of the English teacher, that had been written in small print. Mr Mason. Well, lets just hope he doesn't mind lateness. Though I knew this was very unlikely.
The crowds were thinning now, and I was still standing in the doorway. Stock still and not sure what to do.
I walked forward, not liking standing still, trying to at least look purposeful, and calm, and collected. When inside, I was just panicking. There was now no-one around and I was walking down a deserted corridor, which door branching off on each grey side. I'll say it again: depressing. It was far cooler out here, I felt Goosebumps rise slightly on the surface of my bare arms. I felt like sighing, but then, a door to my left opened, and Mike tumbled out of it.
And being the idiot that I was, I was pleased to see him, and greeted him with enthusiasm; that I was soon to regret.
"Mike, thank goodness, I'm really lost, can you help?" Mike's face had lit up, he abruptly changed his posture, now looking a foot taller than before. It made me feel small.
"Sure!" He grinned, and despite everything, I did feel sorry, asides from this morning, the last time I'd seen him, I had slapped him… And now, I felt like apologising.
"Mike, I'm really sorry about slapping you that time, I was just stressed, sorry."
"It's cool Lucie, don't worry." He was still grinning, an his eyes were raking lazily over my figure. I suddenly felt the urge to put my jumper back on.
"So err," I mumbled, not liking the fact that Mike had somehow got a lot closer during the conversation. "Can you show me to English?"
Now, I was very aware of the fact that there was no-one in the corridor except Mike and I. He spoke lowly, and his voice was intense.
"That eager to see Mr Mason, are we?"
"No, just-"
And then Mike was cupping my face, a determined look in his blue eyes. His hands were rough, digging into my cheek, I couldn't escape out of his firm grasp. Somehow, another one of his hands was behind my back, pulling me closer still. His breath fanned across my cheek, and he leaned his face closer. I knew what he was about to do. And I didn't like the sound of it one bit.
And so, naturally, I punched him.
Because it appeared that slapping him didn't seem to have done the trick.
"Ow!" Mike yelled, jumping backwards as if I'd electrocuted him. Huh? Looks like I don't know my own strength. I didn't feel like apologising. I just stared at him, and suddenly wished I'd given him a nosebleed, it would have been far more satisfying.
"On second thoughts," I spat, "I think I can find my own way to English." then, I was about to make an impressive exit, turn on my heels (preferably without tripping,) and stalk off, but musical laughter interrupted me.
"Or," someone stood out from the shadows, "I could show you." Edward appeared before me, his face grinning. Maybe he could use a punch too? Behind him, Mike made a disgusted sound, and I was pretty sure that Mike and I's faces were mirrored in dislike.
"No," I said through gritted teeth. "I'm pretty sure I can find my way now, thanks."
"I wouldn't bet on it."
"I would."
"You'd lose."
"Would not."
Mike's exit interrupted our argument, I saw his last look of disgust before he ran from the corridor, and then I turned fully to face Edward. He was unaware of the fuse he'd just lit in me.
"You were here the whole time, weren't you!" I shouted at him. He didn't reply, and just placed a finger to his lips, trying to quieten my anger. He did not succeed. "You knew he was going to do that! What were you doing anyway, following me." I tried to say stalking, but couldn't, stalking implied he was intentionally doing so, and of course the fact that it created unwanted attention. So following was more appropriate.
"I was looking for you Lucie," He said, calmly smiling, protracting something out of thin air, "Because I've got your essay." I stared at him. And couldn't help feeling relieved.
"Well, um, I don't know what to say." I muttered petulantly, taking the essay from him.
"A simple thank you would suffice." he murmured quietly. But then I remembered why I was angry. Damn his distractions!
"Where's my bag." I muttered, looking at my feet crossly, Edward gave it to me and then I turned and walked off. Finally making my impressive exit, without tripping or anything. I almost felt a little proud, though the feeling was short lived.
"Lucie," Edward's amused voice sounded behind me. "You're going the wrong way."
I really hate Edward Cullen.
***
I glared at the clock, willing the lesson to end. How an earth could 10 minutes feel so darn long?! We'd arrived late to English, Mr Mason hadn't been impressed and demanded my essay straight away. To my surprise, it had been finished, seemingly by myself, the hand writing was exact. Now however, the students in the class was chatting happily to the person next to them, while answering the questions about Shakespeare. Each an every pair seemed to be getting along. Well, all of the class, with one exception, take a guess at which one?
Next to me, I felt Edward's eyes on my face, hidden by my golden hair. Bella wasn't in here, which surprised and angered me. If she'd been here, Edward probably wouldn't have even be talking to me, let alone annoying me to no end with his witty comments, sarcastic remarks. And appraising looks. And then, he let out a sound halfway between an snort and a chuckle, the one I knew he'd been suppressing.
And that was all it took.
"Look Edward." I snapped and turned to him, only to find a wide grin still planted on his face. His prefect face, with smooth luminescent skin and pearl white teeth, deep golden eyes- no! I frowned, and his grin widened. It really was frustrating, I could feel completely and utterly angry at him, ready to punch his marble skin, and yet his stupid face made my pulse jump like crazy.
"Yes Lucie?" He asked in mock innocence, the smile in his voice.
"I don't believe you let Mike do that." I made a disgusted sound. The memory was still firmly in my head. And it was making me feel sick to the stomach.
"He deserved the chance, plus," He bit his lip, as if pondering on whether to say the next bit, judging - I assume - my the almighty frown that was probably contorting my face.
"Plus what Edward? Plus what?"
"Plus, it was highly entertaining." He shrugged, still smirking, and as if on cue, the bell rang, signalling next lesson. And Edward left the room, before I could let out another breath. He was lucky, because right now, I felt like exploding, and he would of just felt my wrath. Big time.
I walked out the class, my mood not improving .For the first time in my life I was looking forward to Gym. Why? Because it was badminton. And I wanted to hit something. Namely a certain Edward Cullen. But (what with him having impeccably hard granite vampire skin,) I knew it wouldn't cause any affect. And, there was the issue of him, not actually being in my Gym class.
Well then, it looked like Mike Newton was due for his nosebleed.
***
Gym had been the usual. Not purgatory, but simply hell. Lauren had been herself, which was never nice; Jessica had (thankfully,) kept Mike away from me; and badminton had only culminated in me getting hit in the face by Lauren's racket. Plus, to my immense disappointment; Mike's nose was still intact.
Jeeez, today was not my day.
I walked with Angela to lunch, she seemed to sense my mood and tried to distract me by talking about her two cousins she had looked after at the weekend, and not for the first time, I was grateful for this.
The cafeteria was already full. People were milling from table to table, and we sat down in our usual place. I didn't make a move to stand up, or move at all for that matter. I wasn't hungry, and neither it seemed, did Angela.
"Lucie, you sure you're okay?" Angela's tentative voice asked, lifted my head up, forgetting when I'd placed it on the table. "You look pale." When did I not? "Paler than usual, in fact, you look sick, what's wrong? What happened, is this why you came into English late?" her questions came thick and fast, I sighed, Angela was almost too observant and perceptive for that matter.
"Yeah, you want to know what happened?"
Angela just nodded in response.
"I have two words to say: Mike Newton." Was my answer, I spoke his name through bared teeth, and Angela's face lit up with understanding.
"Say no more, Ben mentioned something about Mike looking a bit put out."
"Yeah well, I suppose he would after I punched him." I said grimly, Angela's eyes widened in shock and amusement.
"Go Lucie!" She smiled widely, the corners of my mouth twitched at her enthusiasm. "Was he that annoying?"
"Oh, he was more than just annoying." I muttered darkly, Angela returned my grim smile. But our conversation ended abruptly, as Jessica came to sit with us. I did not want her to know what almost happened before, though I suppose it would make her sit elsewhere. She launched into some story or whatever, I didn't bother to pay attention, that was of course, until she leaned across the table and addressed me.
"Jasper Cullen's looking at you." She giggled.
I tried not to look at their table. I really did.
But as usual, my attempts were abortive and I succumbed, looking up and at Jasper, who's arm was gently draped around Alice's small shoulders. She was evidently talking to Edward, who was frowning slightly, but there was no point denying that he was looking straight at me.
It didn't take a physiognomist to work out his expression.
He looked so guilty.
Which of course made me feel guilty, as I was the only one who should feel guilty. And I hated feeling guilty.
God, I hate that stupid word!
I sighed and looked down, Jessica was muttering rapidly about how Jasper could be feeling about me. I felt sickened by her. And rolled my eyes, not bothering to hide my annoyance at her typical shallowness.
"Somehow, I don't think I could compete with Alice." I muttered, and saw Alice grin out of the corner of my eye. I'd forgotten they could hear so well. But Jessica was still babbling on about something or other, I didn't pay attention to what. My head was pounding now, and I vaguely wondered: could my day get any worse? But as soon as I thought this, I inwardly kicked myself. I swear that saying has a curse or something.
Because, walking straight towards me was Bella.
Now I had the answer to my question.
Yes. Yes it could.
"Lucie, can I talk to you for a moment?" Bella asked, her tone devoid of hate. All was very suspicious. I couldn't help but glance back at the Cullen's table. All of their perfect faces looked surprised and more than a little shocked, including Alice. Hmm, that was strange. Hadn't she for seen this? And Edward's face was one I didn't linger on, he looked the most shocked. I wondered if he was about to march over and rip Bella back to his table. I didn't ponder the thought, instead I stood up, and just nodded. She didn't look cross, but sighed slightly. "In private?" she looked at Angela, and gave her a look of genuine apology, "Sorry." She murmured straight to her, as she took me through the cafeteria. And for some reason, I knew she wasn't just apologising for speaking to me alone. She'd led me into a deserted room.. And it reminded me of the corridor earlier. Thank goodness I was in the room with Bella, not Mike. The thought still made me nauseous. But still, in here, it was far away enough, I knew, for the Cullens not to hear.
"What is it Bella?" I asked, the last time I'd had a conversation alone with her it ended up with her threatening to kill me. Which didn't go to well…
"I want to apologise Lucie." Her tone was hesitant, and now I was more than a little surprised. "I want to apologise because I've been horrid, and I'm sorry. Please don't take anything I said to heart, I didn't mean it, it just came out in anger."
I just stared at her, and I was pretty sure that I was gaping.
"Then why did you say it all Bella?" I asked, my voice was quiet, vulnerability seeping back into it. I no longer felt angry, in fact, I'd already forgotten how anger felt, I just knew it was better than this. Anything was better than this.
"I'll tell the truth, but you won't believe it." She sighed.
"Try me." I said weakly, and she looked up, and into my eyes, her own deep and oddly rueful.
"I was trying to keep you safe. Trying to protect you, it's dangerous in this life, and now you know about it, you're in danger too. " Her tone was not patronising, not harsh, not hostile. No, it was the tone one used from previous experience.
"Oh." Was my brilliant response. "I know it's dangerous, but I'm used to danger." I tried to shrug, Bella just let out a sound close to a laugh.
"Well then, expect it to intensify."
There was a silence then, a fragile one, ready to shatter; and it was not the only one. Bella now looked close to tears.
"Lucie, I love Edward, more than you can imagine."
"I know." I sighed, Bella continued.
"Please, I know you've seen my past, and everything, just please don't…" Her voice was very quiet now, and she looked truly upset. I knew this time; she wasn't acting.
"I won't tell anyone Bella." I admitted the truth, even though I despised it.
"Thank you." She choked, and that was when I saw the tears fall down her face, silently flowing down her pale cheeks, leaving faints marks as they fell from brown eyes, now slightly pink where they were meant to be white, and I didn't know what to do. "Sorry," she sniffed, "I feel awful for this, for being so horrid to you, and lying to everyone."
"I know, lying sucks, I know from experience."
"Yeah," she muttered, "takes more out of you than it's worth."
"Definitely." I mumbled, still unsure of whether to comfort her or not. I was standing about a meter away, just staring at her.
Now, I understood Bella, I suppose I always had, just found hating her easier. But it wasn't fair, Bella was kind and good, and I knew why she couldn't tell anyone about her feelings, her torn feelings that were slowly pulling her apart.
What do you do when lying is the only thing that keeps others safe?
You get plagued with stupid emotions that slowly rip you apart and leave nothing but a broken shell, which constantly feels close to breaking point. Now, it seemed, I was definitely not the only one who felt guilt. Amongst various other things…
Suddenly, the door opened. And Edward stood in the doorway, his golden eyes surveyed the scene, in less than a second. In an instant, his eyes seemed visibly darker, topaz now, as apposed to gold. And his expression hardened considerably.
Well heck! This didn't look good. Bella was crying, and I was just frowning, staring at her. No, no, no, definitely did not look good. Edward moved so fast, and was now in front of Bella, staring at me in shock. His voice was stiff.
"Lucie, stay away from Bella." Wow, I think empty class rooms always had this effect. I mean, last time it had been 'stay away from Edward.' now stay away from Bella. Make you mind up… "I thought you'd changed, but evidently, I was mistaken." His voice was not only stiff, but almost menacing now, I couldn't even speak, a lump had formed in my throat. The knot in my stomach twisting painfully again.
"Bella, it's okay," Edward crooned her, "I wondered where you were, I was worried." I heard her trying to say something, but the sound was muffled as Edward cradled her. Her small figure protected by his lean one, his face pressed into her soft brown hair, as she cried into his shirt.
"It's n-not, Lucie's f-fault.."
Edward glared at me then, as if I'd made her say that. Seriously the boy had some major mood swings. Though, suddenly, I didn't care. Because I felt guilty for feeling how I did about Edward, now I knew how Bella really was. She had just stuck up for me, it didn't matter that Edward chose to ignore it. I would just have to hate him. I would hate him, he was annoying. Forever acting differently. Never seeing me for who I really was. I had no excuse for feeling how I felt.
After all, this: the turbulence; undeniable hatred; anguished tears; potent blood. All of it, had been caused by me. All of this, every single aspect, was my stupid fault. I deserved nothing more than to be swallowed up by the earth. If only Jasper had killed me, that way, at least I would have given some pleasure. Albeit brief, he could have enjoyed my unworthy blood. It was, after all, the most desired part of me. If that had happened, at least there would have been some point to my existence.
"Go Lucie, before I do something I regret." Edward's formal voice, his melodic voice, rang with authority. But it was strained now, anger laced in his words and I didn't doubt the warning in his voice. I already knew what happened when I caused Bella pain. I did not want a repeat. I complied, and rushed from the room, forcing back the tears that were threatening to spill over. I hated his velvet voice, hated the way it caressed around my name. I hated Edward.
But I was lying.
My life had always been filled with lies. Lies to protect others, to protect myself, I knew all about them. Knew the way they made you feel, the way they constantly gnawed at your mind, subconscious, slowly ate away at your inside. You can lie to whoever you want, tell a million lies to different people, as much as you want, as wrong as it is, as much as it hurts you afterward. The simple truth of the matter is though, you can never lie to yourself.
And I was lying because I knew I didn't hate him.
And I hated my self, for how I felt.
***
The rest of the day past quickly, and in a blur. I felt numb now. Nothing seemed to get through to me, to penetrate the sudden bubble that had solidified around my figure. I managed to brush off the feelings of concern coming from Angela, but couldn't convince her properly, twice now, she'd advised for me to go home. I didn't. Just continued numbly with lessons. Not paying attention, merely trying to distract my thoughts from anything about him. Anything remotely like the Cullens made my stomach twist. Causing the knot to tighten. I found myself placing my head against the cool window in one lesson, liking the cool sensation on my forehead. I felt like I had a fever, my head burned, yet the rest of me felt nothing. Just numb.
Soon though, my suffering drew to a close, well, partially. School was now over, and I found myself walking to my old blue car. I only stopped because of a firm grasp holding my wrist. If it had been Mike, I wouldn't have even had the strength to hit him. So I was glad when it wasn't.
"Lucie. I'll take you back."
The brass voice sounded behind me, and I turned slowly, knowing full well that only the Cullens could actually get through to me.
"We'll take you back," Trilled a high soprano voice, suiting the brass perfectly.
I sighed and faced them, Alice and Jasper, both mirroring looks of concern. I was both grateful and sad by their presence. Grateful; because I knew they cared. Sad; because I knew I did not deserve their care. I remembered my father though, and the guests we had tonight. When I spoke, I didn't like the edge to my voice. The way it became fainter as it progressed. The way it made me feel.
"I can't dad's got guests coming, he'll want me to be there."
Alice stiffened slightly, and her eyes went unfocused, the reaction reminded me, of something, but suddenly, I felt an overwhelming urge to comply to there requests, and Jasper's steady voice answered me.
"Don't worry, we'll drive you back in your car." He pushed me gently between my shoulder blades, and motioned for the passenger seat. I heard Alice,(who seemed to have returned to her normal chirpy self) hop into the back, muttering something about buying a knew car for me.
"Definitely not Alice." I warned, I saw her pout through the car's mirror. I just sighed. I don't think I'd ever understand her obsession with buying things. Or, more to the point, her obsession with shopping.
We were driving then, I felt waves of calm wash over me as I stared out the window, still trying to distract myself. Jasper's calm voice spoke from the seat next to me, I hadn't even realised we'd started driving.
"I am truly sorry Lucie." His voice was too sincere, too worried. Too guilty.
"Don't be." I muttered before I could stop myself. I'd be better off dead.
"Well tough luck, he is." Alice trilled behind me, "Honestly, you should see him Lucie, moping around all the time, it drives me crazy!" I tried to laugh at what she said, but the sound died in my chest. I could feel their looks to each other. I knew I was not myself. But I couldn't respond rationally. I felt numb, my entire body was hollow.
"You're not safe with us Lucie." Jasper said quietly, my head snapped up. For what he'd just said reminded me of Bella's words: 'it's dangerous in this life, and now you know about it, you're in danger too.' Is this what Jasper meant too? Were they trying to tell me they were leaving?
Did they realise, without them; I would crumple?
"What do you mean?" I whispered too fervently, it was the first time I had Jasper's full attention.
"Only in your sublime ignorance were you safe Lucie."
"Yes, well seeing as I am no longer ignorant, can you please tell me, what the hell you're going on about!"
"Finally, an actual reaction!" Squealed Alice happily. Jasper's lips turned up, as he suppressed a smile, feeling Alice's happiness. I knew why I'd complied so easily before, and why I now felt calm so I was grateful for how he was making me feel, knowing without it, my despair would surely crush me.
"And risk tarnishing your ignorance more? Not likely." Jasper's amused voice said, I frowned and Alice giggled. We'd arrived at my house now. Again, I'd forgotten how fast they liked to drive. Then, I remembered the jacket, which I'd placed on the seat next to Alice this morning. Edward's jacket. And it only reminded me of him again. My distraction died. I gave it to her. She smiled at it. And grinned at me. A grin, that I did not mirror.
"Lucie…?" Alice asked, assessing me.
"You do realise, Edward hates me, don't you Alice?" I asked, my tone was hollow, much like how I felt. Alice just shook her head slightly, her spiky hair bouncing from her pixie like face.
"You're his soleil couchant Lucie, he just hasn't realised yet." She said matter-of-factly then smiled at my bemused expression. Lithely, she bounded back towards Jasper took his hand, by entwining her delicate fingers with his, and ran off into the distance. I watched their figures blur and then vanish as they ran. Wishing that I could feel so care free. So devoid of emotion. It would be the perfect release from all this; the perfect escape.
I didn't try to decipher what she'd said. My head hurt too much already, without cryptic French sayings clogging it up. I walked into the house, took off my shoes, and threw my bag onto the sofa.
And abruptly froze.
For there before me; standing a little apart, their features different only by age, were two people. One; who's face was wise with lines, russet skinned, and sitting in a wheel chair, long hair falling around his oddly hostile face.
But it was the other that had my attention.
For the other was Jacob Black.
Well, crud.
***
Ah ha you see the plot grows thicker and Lucie's luck starts looking sicker… (No. The plot isn't thickening really, nor is Lucie's luck tragically looking worse. Okay…I just wanted to say it. It sounded cool, plus it rhymed…)
Okays… So how was that? (Not the rhyme :p)
And yes. Too darn many of you are smart. Grrs! Loads of you guessed the Blacks… and there I was thinking that no-one would get my little question. But no, I was wrong. You're all too smart. (oh, and for those who guessed incoherently, well hey! Don't worry, your ideas were great… I never even considered Charlie and Bella coming over…!)
Anyway, I'm sorry for the late update. I was in London all weekend at the 'Darwin Exhibition' fun eh? Yes, my dad is a scientist, and he wants me to follow in his ancient foot steps. Well lucky me. :p
Thanks for ALL reviewers! Made me smile so much; my cheeks hurt. I'm really, really, really sorry if I don't reply to PMs or reviews straight away, rest assured I will answer them, eventually. My life's just a bit hectic at the moment. But I seriously LOVE all of your reviews and PMs they make my day and always make me laugh for some reason… ;)
Bella… now listen people… I know you all think she's evil (and hopefully here you'll see she isn't that bad…) But she has a reason, yet to be revealed…. Seriously, hang in there! Okay? Had to add that in, the comments from people normally say: 'I don't like evil Bella!' Gahh… look, just wait. Patience is a virtue! (that I sadly, as my dad keeps telling me, do not possess…)
Oh, and back to this. Rosalie's not in it yet, sorry, sorry, sorry! But I can only fit so much in one chapter. Jasper did apologise here, albeit discreetly. But Lucie (being the silly girl that she is) only blames herself, and has forgiven him already. Okay?
Anyway. I've babbled exceedingly here. For though of you who have actually read so far! And yeah, sorry, but hey, I updated, so don't throw anything at me! ;)
Remember, I'll update faster if I get up to 300 reviews, so review! (else I'll… get savaged by my beloved Mouse? (Who is a CAT, despite her name :p) OH! And… people requested an almighty new flavour of muffins… raspberry! So yeah, review, and you'll get one of those!
..eeeppp… long A/N….
Lily- who now knows awhll about Charles Darwin and his Theory Of Evolution whoop-de-doop! She'll give out free muffins? AND amazing knowledge if you review! (That's going to repel you all, my amazing knowledge, isn't it? :p)