HEYYYY!
I'll try to write a shorter A/N, okay? Seeing as last one was obscenely long…
313 REVIEWS! That's so special, because it's a palindrome! That and the fact that it's such a BIG number! So yup, thanks for to all reviewers! I didn't keep you waiting to the weekend, that's how nice I am. Because of the fabulous review response! THANKS! Anyway, I have a thing to keep your minds whirring. The chapters: 1, 6, 12 and 18 all have something in common so far… anyone who guesses right will get.. Hmms.. A sneak preview for a future chappy for a reward or something amazingly cool like that .. Maybe another free Edward? Or Jazzy?… ;)
SEE… less babble! Go me!
Here you go!
What Happened Last Chapter:
I didn't try to decipher what she'd said. My head hurt too much already, without cryptic French sayings clogging it up. I walked into the house, took off my shoes, and threw my bag onto the sofa.
And abruptly froze.
For there before me; standing a little apart, their features different only by age, were two people. One, whose face was wise with lines, russet skinned, and sitting in a wheel chair, long hair falling around his oddly hostile face.
But it was the other that had my attention.
For the other was Jacob Black.
Well, crud.
***
The Confusion and Confrontation.
I was pretty sure I stood there for about an hour, or at least, that's how long it felt. Panic twisted my stomach as I looked straight at Jacob and he looked back. His dark eyes zoning in on my own. The air suddenly seemed to have thinned around where I stood; paralysed, rooted to the spot as if I was glued there.
I knew I'd already stopped breathing; my face was now drained of colour. I was terrified. I wasn't scared of my safety, only of Bella. Bella and her deadly secret destined to cause chaos. The very secret I'd promised to keep safe. And the secret that was now in jeopardy all because of one factor that seemed to ruin everything. Me. The questions whirred around my sore head furiously. Desperate to escape.
What if I let slip?
What if Jacob found out?
What was I going to do?
How many more people would I have to lie to?
The sound of a throat being cleared woke me up with a start. Everyone turned, except me. I knew I wasn't the only one who had felt the tension. I jumped slightly, and turned back to look at the person who had just made the sound; my father stood in the doorway, holding a tray with a various assortment of tea and cakes.
"Tea anyone?" He said jovially, completely oblivious to the silence that had just fallen. Trust him to break the tension. Suddenly. They were all talking, though to me, their voices were remote and indistinct. Jacob was claiming the largest slice of cake I noticed, as I carefully left the room, hearing the sound of laughter as Billy Black talked to my father. The hum of noise that seemed to have appeared out of utter silence. What was happening?
I sank into the kitchen counter, and caught my reflection in the window. I'd gone pale. Really pale. My normal complexion, a mix between cream and alabaster, was now white. Only my lips give the slightest hint of colour, a rose shade, against the white. Contrasting alarmingly, like a blood on paper.
I looked like I'd just had a stroke.
So I tried to reason with myself. It was silly acting like this. When all that happened was Jacob arriving. It was inevitable; it was going to happen sooner or later. I couldn't have avoided him forever.
But it's so soon.
I knew he didn't like me. In the second I'd stared into to his eyes I'd known that Bella had told him about me. Of course, before today, Bella had hated me. I was after all, the reason for the turbulence of her once safe secret. How much had she said? How much did he know?
And more importantly; how the heck did my father know Billy Black?
"Hey." A voice woke me up. I gasped slightly at the unexpected. Turning towards the door, to where a figure was leaning casually against it.
"Lucie, right?"
I just nodded. Staring at Jacob. While my mind screamed at me. His tone was friendly, as were his eyes; an in inquisitive brown. No longer hard and dark. Now they were open. Did he not know? Had Bella told him about me? He looked at me then. Properly. My frail figure was slumped against the side, my face ashen, and my eyes wide with fear. His voice faltered as he next spoke, and he drew closer.
"You okay?"
I nodded abruptly. He didn't look convinced.
Okay. So I would just have to assume Jacob didn't know me. I would just have to pretend that I didn't know Jacob. Didn't know he was a werewolf. Didn't know he was in love with Bella. Didn't know that Bella was in love with him.
I'd just have to pretend.
Just have to lie.
Nothing you're not used to then.
I let out a gust of air I didn't realise I'd been holding. And looked up at Jacob, planting a weak smile onto my pale face, willing colour to return to my cheeks and praying that my acting skills were up to scratch.
"Hey, yeah I'm Lucie." Jacob was still scrutinising me. I straightened up, "Sorry, I'm fine, just felt a little faint. Don't worry, happens all the time." He raised an eyebrow.
Damn, another one!
"Does it now?" His tone was disbelieving.
It seemed you didn't have to be a vampire to raise an eyebrow. You could be a werewolf and you'd be able to do it. In fact, you could be a normal human and you could do it. You just couldn't do it if you were me. Evidently, I was just incompetent.
I swear in that second. Even though the reason was completely trivial. I liked Jacob just a little bit less. Because life wasn't fair.
And I really wanted to raise just one eyebrow!
"Mhmm," I mumbled, realising that I was scowling at his forehead, and promptly looking at the tiled floor. "ask my dad if you want." Jacob just nodded, seemingly believing me. But he stayed. And made no move to leave the room. And so I, being the genius that I am, decided to remind him of something that would surely leave me in peace. Well, at least some time in which I could think clearly.
"Jacob, you do realise your missing out on all the cakes, don't you?" I tried to smile again and he returned it, but then the smile slipped of his face. And he stared straight at me.
"How do you know my name Lucie?"
Oh fork.
Think Lucie, think!
"Dad mentioned it." I lied fluidly.
"Oh." His expression softened and he smiled once more, "And you're right. Can't let my old man get fat on cakes can I? I mean, it's practically my responsibility to make sure he stays healthy."
"Yup, you're duty even."
He grinned and darted back to the sitting room.
I tried to compose myself, but failed, and decided just to improvise, it was after all, what life was all about.
Walking into the sitting room, I was not surprised to see my father and Billy Black staring intently at a game on the television, though Jacob wasn't, he was by the cakes, and sure enough he was definitely doing his duty in saving his father from getting overweight. Because he was scoffing the lot.
"Whoa Jake, you're wolfing them down." I smiled wryly to myself at the irony of the statement, but instantly regretted it. Jacob turned slowly, again, his eyebrow raised. I knew I shouldn't have used his nickname.
Or used the word wolfed.
Turns out, I suck at this.
He shrugged and went back to eating, so I made my mistake, quickly grabbing my bag and hurtling up the stairs, into my room. Plopping myself onto the bed, I lay back sighing. Life was getting far too complicated these days, I couldn't compete with what fate seemed to throw at me.
It could be worse. I thought glumly, knowing that it couldn't get much worse than what I was in. A complete and utter mess.
Time passed as I lay there, quietly thinking in silence, wanting more than ever to vanish and not be seen. I needed an invisibility cloak. But surprisingly, I didn't own one.
Closing my eyes made the time pass faster, and I wanted to sleep. It had been a long day, and with my disorientating dreams, when I slept at night you could hardly even call it sleep. Because half of my mind stayed awake, my imagination creating even more confusing scenarios, each so lifelike, and incredibly confusing.
When I next looked up at my clock it was already 6:30, meaning the Blacks had already stayed here for two hours. I'd heard them all downstairs, well no. I'd heard my father and Billy, shouting various words at the television, whilst Jacob had seemingly remained silent. Much like myself. I stood up, trying to force myself to greet them properly. My manners seemed abysmal. I wondered how much longer they were staying. I hoped it wasn't long. Because I knew if Jacob confronted me, I was bound to slip up.
As if on cue, Jacob walked into my room, his head bowed. Maybe he was telepathic, for he'd entered just as I'd thought about him. Though I doubted it, if Edward couldn't read my mind, I didn't think anyone else could.
I knew I should have felt annoyed at him just entering, without a knock or anything, but I couldn't. He did not peer at my things, or even look around. He just stared at his feet; a strange look had now passed across his eyes. A vulnerable one, he looked up at me then, and his lower lip trembled. And I felt the urge to comfort him swell inside my chest.
"Jacob? What's wrong?" Though I knew the answer. Only one thing would make Jacob look this way. This upset.
Bella.
He sighed, and sat down on my bed, it creaked slightly under his weight. I followed suit, instinctively and found myself crawling into the middle of my bed and firmly wrapping my arms around my chest. Locking them there securely.
"Lucie, do you know Bella Swan?" The question was abrupt, in any other situation it could have seemed rude, but his tone made it different. For it was hollow and flat, devoid of any rudeness whatsoever.
Yes, incredibly so. I've seen her whole past, felt everything she's ever felt. Thought everything she's ever thought. I know everything about her. Including you.
"A bit." I edited. He nodded in response and once more looked into my eyes, boring into them, trying to siphon out the truth. The very truth that I had promised to keep secret. And the only thing, that I was unwilling to tell him.
"She's… she's," The love of his life? The point to his existence? Or was that just Edward? "Important." He mumbled gruffly, and it occurred to me that he didn't trust me. As I didn't trust him.
"I know." I murmured to myself. Yes, it seemed Bella was important; the focal point of attention. Just as I was the focal point of the chaos.
He quirked his eyebrow at me, much like before, and I looked away; unwilling for him to know how much I knew.
"She's hurting herself Lucie, she won't talk to me properly, I know something's up."
Something that I could never tell him.
"Lucie," He sounded in pain now, and the casual tone of voice slipped, revealing what lay beneath the façade. "She's everything to me. Everything."
I looked into his face then, taken aback by his tone, the way he spoke about her, with so much reverence. His face was strange when he looked at me like this. Toned and handsome, devoid of all its previous hostility and I wanted more than ever to tell him. To tell him the truth. It simply wasn't fair that Bella was hurting him like this.
Hurting Jacob.
Hurting Edward.
Hurting me.
I sighed, I knew the last one didn't matter, and was properly the only intentional one at the time. But I didn't care about my suffering, I was used to it. Used to the way it made me feel, used to how it seemed to fill my past; present; and soon to be future. That, I was certain of. But I wasn't just going to cry and feel sorry for myself. Only the weak did that, and I would not be weak. Or at least, I'd try not to be.
Jacob's soft voice broke me out of my reverie, quieter than before, yet lower and more intense. I looked into his face again, and once more felt the urge to look away, his eyes mirrored his voice. Too sincere. Too intense.
"How much do you know Lucie?"
I stared at him, shocked. Was I really that easy to read? That easy to work out?
That bad at lying?
His dark eyes poured into mine. Yes, I supposed to someone else, (like Bella) they were beautiful, but my pulse hadn't started to jump erratically because of Jacob. Not exactly.
My heart was thumping loudly for a much more significant reason. The pulse was rising because I knew he was getting closer to the truth.
"Too much." I whispered the truth, as he stared at me for another moment, before sighing again.
"I knew it!" His shout was triumphant, but still quiet and subdued at the same time. I couldn't even smile weakly in response.
I was pathetic.
"Jacob," It was my turn to ask a question, my voice was feeble; I tried to make it louder as I continued; more confident. I was ninety percent sure it had no effect. "How much has Bella told you about me?"
He didn't respond at first and his eyes darted slightly, but he recovered before I could make anything of this. He didn't answer my question.
"Do you know how I knew you knew Lucie?"
My eyes? Is it my stupid eyes that allow every one to know everything?
I decided not to argue or demand for my question to be answered, he was probably doing it out of courtesy anyway. I can't imagine that Bella would have told Jacob that she and I were best friends. Some things I suppose, are better left unsaid.
"Nope." I muttered, my voice flat, pulling my legs back up to my chest again - this time - holding them there firmly, desperately trying to stay intact; trying to stay whole.
Trying not to break.
He saw the movement, and his eyebrows mashed together before continuing.
"Because you're doing what Bella does," He gestured towards my position, "exactly, what she does. Always carrying a burden; always getting hurt; always blaming things on herself."
No. I just felt guilty. Guilty because I knew the truth. The truth that I wasn't even supposed to know, the truth that I despised.
"Lucie, I know about Edward." His voice was hard, and his mouth convulsed and twisted when he mentioned Edward. His hands, I noticed, were now balled into fists.
What?! Jacob knew. I knew. Edward did not.
He must have seen my look of disbelief, for he continued, his eyes darkening with every second. The hatred tainting his words, as he spoke them with disgust. Bitterness flowed from his tongue with every mention of the one person who did not know the truth.
"I know that she still loves him. I know she does. She can't be complete without him. But I can't be complete with out her." He looked exasperated now. "Hell! I can't even live without her. She's-"
"Everything." I quoted him.
My voice was quiet, and I felt my lower lip tremble. Jacob exhaled, a long drawn out breath, and he looked straight at me.
"So you know the bloodsuckers?"
"I know the Cullens." I retorted heftily, I didn't like the menacing edge to his voice, for I knew all about his belligerence towards them, especially Edward. All about how he longed to cause the vampires extinction, how he wanted nothing more than them not to exist. All about how much he loathed them.
"Yeah, whatever, so how do you fit into all this-" He grimaced.
"Mess?"
"It's a bit deeper than that Lucie."
I decided I would just tell the truth. I mean, Jacob had just revealed what he knew; it was time for me to do the same, and tell the truth. I mean, how bad could it be? Sighing, I untwined my legs and sat cross legged, staring at my feet as I spoke.
"I fit in, because I can see people's pasts, and I saw-"
Jacob cut across me, suddenly animated.
"Like what the fortune-telling-leech does, but in reverse?"
"Sort of, but… I don't know, more; I feel their past, their emotions, their thoughts."
"So it's stronger then?" I didn't like the way he kept interrupting.
"No, I wouldn't say that. I have no control over it, whatsoever. Anyway, please don't interrupt; else I'll never get this all out." Jacob mimicked locking his lips and I couldn't help but smile slightly. Though only to frown as I continued.
"Okay, here's the thing. I've seen Bella's past," I could almost feel Jacob tense; I knew his eyes had darkened again; evidently he did not like the sound of that. "And well, Bella found out and got… mad." Mad didn't quite describe it…I thought grimly, now staring at the duck egg blue blanket, not wanting to see Jacob's face. "She got really mad, and slapped me." I knew Jacob was grinning now. I decided to cut out the bit about Bella slapping me because of my drawing of Edward; she'd actually found out about my gift after that incident. But Jacob didn't need to know that. "And then, I well, punched her back…" I trailed off though, for suddenly, Jacob was leaning over me, I looked up; only to see a black fury burning in his gaze. I cowered into the wall of the bed. His eyes were coal black, hardly distinguishable from what Jasper's had looked like; I'm not afraid to admit that they scared me.
His voice was very low when he next spoke.
"You did what to Bella"
I didn't feel like repeating the sentence.
Jacob's hands were trembling. In fact, his whole body was trembling, his breathing coming out in shallow gasps. I knew he was about to change.
Jacob was about to change into a werewolf.
Something inside me clicked. Non-existent energy suddenly presented itself within me; a new found power erupted out of me as I ran across the room, much faster than usual. I was fuelled by pure adrenaline.
I saw Jacob as I reached the door, his trembling had ceased now, only remaining visible in his hands.
"Lucie! Jake! Kids, it's time for dinner!" My dad's voice floated up the stairs, and I was very grateful to hear it. Once again, he broke the tension, though this time, it was needed far more. There was a moment then, a moment in which I stared at Jacob, and he stared at me. A moment of silence. I was the one to break it, by tripping in my rush to run down the stairs.
I ate like I was in a trance. Well no, I didn't eat, I pretended to. Swirling the potatoes and fish fingers, (they are about the only things my father could cook, and my ones were burnt anyway) round my plate.
My father explained how he knew the Blacks to me, though I didn't listen intently, only seeing Jacob's rage. Now they - my father and Billy - both sat avidly in front of the television once more. I didn't really care much about watching sport, I personally, found other things far more interesting like paint drying and grass growing. Jacob and I sat alone on the table, at opposite ends, neither of us talking. Only Jacob was eating.
Distantly I remembered what my father had been trying to explain to me, apparently, he and Billy had been pen pals throughout their childhood. It struck me as odd that my father had never mentioned this before, thought I didn't question it. I couldn't find my voice. It occurred to me, that I really should eat. I hadn't eaten a lot in the past week, life had got in the way, everything was too complicated; too complex. All, was in disarray.
I started to eat the soft potato, but suddenly, a noise shook the stony silence that had settled between us.
Violently, Jacob stabbed at his potato, shoved it furiously into his mouth, and went to stab another, all the time, averting my gaze. Though I was sure he could feel my eyes upon him.
I was no longer hungry.
I made a move to stand up, to leave the table; I simply couldn't cope anymore. But an arm restrained me.
"You've hardly eaten anything." Billy Black's voice reached my ears, it was concerned. Evidently I'd judged him incorrectly; he wasn't hostile, that was his son. I hadn't even realised he was next to me. How come I didn't hear his approach?
"I-I'm not hungry." I stuttered, hoping he couldn't detect the lie in my voice.
"Still, you should eat-"
"Dad," Jacob's voice sounded like a growl. "shouldn't we be leaving?" His voice was hard, but he made eye contact with me, and I knew he wanted to say something more.
"Yeah," Billy sighed then addressed the rest of his words to me, "Just gotta tell your dad how nice it was to meet." He smiled at me, a smile I could not return.
He left the room, to the kitchen, where my father was washing up I presumed.
"Lucie." Jacob addressed me, slowly I looked at him. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you like that."
"I've had worse." It wasn't a lie.
He sank back into his chair, and motioned for me to take the seat next to him. I did so, his eyes had lost their darkness now. He looked desolate; sad instead of angry.
"I need you to know I don't hate you Lucie, I just overreacted when you said that about Bella. I'm not angry at you because of that. It just.." He sighed exasperatedly "I don't know, unleashed my frustration I guess." The last part was mumbled. And suddenly, I understood.
Jacob wasn't angry at me.
He wasn't angry at anyone.
He was just upset.
I studied his face then, and it was easy to spot that it was only contorted in pain, not anger. Gingerly, I lifted his face so I could access his eyes. He cringed back at my touch, but I ignored him, making sure he was looking my straight in the eye.
"I know how you feel. I know what it's like." I murmured to him, because I was pretty certain that Jacob was experiencing the very same as myself.
He stared back at me for a moment, but his eyes turned darker again. I wanted to sigh in defeat. Everything I said, seemed to anger people.
"You cannot possibly know how I feel." He whispered vehemently, as his eyebrows mashed into one angry line. "You have no idea what it's like, Lucie." His peaceful tone ended, only seconds after he'd used it, now he spat at my name; like it disgusted him.
He continued with his fists clenching once more, the tendons prominent throw his russet skin. "You cannot know what it's like to love someone, and then find out they love someone else. You won't ever know how I feel, you don't understand how my stomach convulses, how my body aches. You just can't know how I feel; it's impossible."
Oh can't I?
"Right. I guess you're right. Completely correct Jacob. I have no idea what it's like to be nothing. What it's like to be overshadowed, forgotten. Forever treated differently, excluded. Always left out. Always alone. Always knowing the truth that could destroy all. And always having to lie. No, I have no idea how you feel. None whatsoever. I bet it's tough."
His words had unleashed a torrent inside me, the words tumbled out of my lips, confident and hard, filled with bitterness, a forlorn edge to them. I hadn't realised I'd said what I had. I didn't feel like that, did I? The angry sound, was not my own. My anger was different to this; not as heartfelt. Never so concentrated. The words had made no sense, and yet the affect had caused an absolute silence. And still didn't know what part of my had said the words, and couldn't quite believe it was me who uttered them.
And neither, it seemed, had Jacob.
He was staring at me as if I was a hard maths problem, one that he was trying to solve. But his intensity broke as soon as the sound of Billy's wheel chair rattled against the floor. It was odd. Before, I could not hear his approach at all, and yet now, I could hear almost everything, as if my senses had suddenly increased. All now, seemed amplified.
Billy and Jake were saying goodbye to my father now, and while my dad said a lengthy reply to Billy, Jacob leaned into me, whispering in my ear. I did not like his hot breath, it made me want to cringe away, but I couldn't when he spoke, rooting me to the spot.
"I lied earlier Lucie."
You're not the only one.
"Bella told me about you, and she was right." Great. Bella was right. I was wrong. I'm always wrong! I thought bitterly, though did not speak. Billy was drawing towards us now, and Jacob whispered his last words darkly, they sounded oddly like a warning.
"You were better off in England Lucie."
And he was right.
If and only if: my mother hadn't committed suicide. But she had.
And everyone knows you can't change the past.
No matter how much you despise it.
***
Running through a dark forest, the lattice of midnight black and green blurring, with ribbons of crystal mist rising and falling. Dancing slightly, enjoying the peace of the surroundings, tranquillity. Movement as I drew nearer, steadily being pulled forward. A horrible feeling of reminiscence washing over, fear gripping, binding. No longer tranquil, an eerie silence, throat closing up. The figure standing out from behind a tree, motioning with a pale finger, unable to see his face. Not wanting to walk forward, knowing something was wrong. Something wasn't right. Meant to obey the person, wrapped up in a dark cloak, refusing. Staying put, unable to move. It was the same.
Something behind, looking back, turning, seeing the second figure, still immersed in shadow like the first. Not knowing who to trust. Suddenly knowing danger, trying to run, being unable to breathe. A horrible convulsion around the chest, the air escaping, having no breath of which to use A pair of ice hands covering my lips a whisper in the ear.
"Finally, we're reunited."
But it didn't stop.
The hands, ice against skin, dragging, pulling. Suddenly going limp. Not feeling. Only knowing, that something wasn't right. Trying to scream. Failing.
Trying to breathe, failing.
Trying to remember, failing.
Trying to feel, failing.
Trying to scream.
Succeeding.
The scream steadily died in my throat as I thrust the cotton against my lips. Cold sweat dewed across my forehead, and I found the sheets tangled in between my legs. My breathing was no better off, coming out in ragged gasps. I was shaking as I stood up.
My dreams were getting out of hand.
Twice now, I'd had that dream, though now it lengthened, it was worse, more detail and horror. The fear had risen considerably. As I tried to compose myself, I realised with a sinking sensation what day it was. Tuesday.
And it was already 8:43 which meant I was tragically late.
For stupid school.
***
I ran out into the drizzle of rain this time not bothering to shield myself, I'd dressed faster than ever before, and got ready in record timing. I actually felt fine, well, fine compared to how I'd felt moments before. I recon it was almost at vampire speed that I was running as I hurriedly tried to think and run at the same time. but my thoughts skidded to a holt as I nearly collided with my least favourite car on earth. The car I despised.
For there before me, was Edward's Volvo.
And inside, was Edward Cullen.
He looked at me, the window was down, and I couldn't help my heart. It fluttered erratically as his golden eyes burned mine, I looked away, knowing it was wrong.
Knowing he hated me.
"Do you want to ride with me today?" His articulate voice asked, as smooth as velvet, and one hundred and eighty degrees different from how he'd spoken when we last met, the threat still rang in my ears. Dark and sinister.
"Go Lucie, before I do something I regret."
Yes, Edward hated me, as I hated him.
Hated him.
"I'm fine thank you." I muttered heftily and made to walk straight to my car. Yes, I hated Edward but also, my car was nicer than his stupid shiny one. I preferred mine. That was no crime, was it? I wasn't being difficult, just… okay. Maybe I was. Just a little bit.
He sighed at my stubborn response.
"I disabled your brakes Lucie, you are getting in this car." Though only the first part of his sentence registered with my one track mind.
"You did what?!" I practically shrieked at him, throwing my arms in the air trying to look and sound as intimidating as possible. Though to be honest, I just looked silly.
He didn't even have the grace to cower, just sat there patiently, a serious look in this eyes. An annoyingly serious look. My own eyes reduced to slits.
"Disabled your brakes," He repeated calmly, "Get in." How dare he speak with such a commanding tone!
"No." I retorted childishly, he raised his eyebrows.
"You're getting wet," He motioned to my clothes.
"Do I look like I care?" We'd already had this conversation. Talk about repetitive.
"No, but there's really no point for your discomfort."
"I'm perfectly comfortable."
"Oh are you?"
"Yes." I mumbled indignantly, promptly staring at my feet instead of his face. Knowing all to well, that steadily he was winning the argument. but suddenly I had a rush of inspiration and I smiled wryly at him, before quickly darting to my car, in an attempt to put my plan into action, before a certain grumpy-health-and-safety-obsessed-vampire tried to stop me.
"Anyway, I don't need brakes."
I'd only stepped a foot away, before his towering figure was before me.
And Edward was tall.
His lean frame, the whole six foot and two inches of it, masked my own. I suddenly felt undeniably small. I frowned up at him. And gasped when I saw what was twirling from his little finger.
My car keys!
"Hey!" I checked my pockets, and sure enough, my car leys had vanished. Or, they had just be stolen. Guess who by? "Give them back!"
"Get in the car Lucie."
I gave him one more disgruntled look, before giving in. Stomping back to the car, (not actually stomping though, I'm not an elephant…) but stopping once more, as Edward was before me again.
Like a gentleman, he opened the door of his shiny Volvo for me.
And so like a lady, I scowled up at him, muttering to myself.
I climbed inside, and was not surprised to see him already in the front seat, waiting again. Drumming his pale elegant fingers against the side of the steering wheel rhythmically. I sat there in stony silence. Glaring out the window. And to think I'd felt okay earlier? Now I just felt cross.
"Put on your seat belt." Ugh, another demand?!
"So you insist on me wearing a seatbelt, and yet drive at 100 miles per hour?" I muttered, before strapping myself in. Not admitting that I would have done so anyway.
"Yes, because I have excellent driving skills, and therefore, there's no need to worry." He flashed his set of awe strikingly white teeth at me.
"Modest aren't we?" I said, my tone thick with sarcasm.
"But of course." He replied innocently.
I grinded my teeth as he sped out from the drive. Once again, turning my gaze to the window. And sitting, again, in stony silence.
Yes, I supposed from the outside, I just looked plain stroppy. I mean, Edward could be being thoughtful in taking me to school. Well, he would have been if there hadn't been the whole commanding and forcing thing with the: get in the car, bit. So, I wasn't being too melodramatic.
But the truth was, I had no idea how I felt when I saw him. First, there would always be that initial surprise, and shock that seemed to over excite my heart, but then I'd remember his angst and anger. And finally, I'd remember his stupid superiority.
As I stared at the passing trees, my heart sank. Because Edward's angst and anger had returned.
Edward had thought it was my fault Bella was suffering. He had blamed me for it.
And I felt awful.
Because I knew; that he had been utterly correct.
My scowl had vanished from my face now, It just looked pained as I stared against the glass, no longer seeing the speeding scenery. My appearance did not portray how I felt. My hair was silkily and seemingly elegantly, falling down in delicate cascades down my shoulders. Framing against the dark shade of red my top provided. It was an odd colour, no, not odd; disturbing.
For it was a deep shade of scarlet. The very same colour of my blood.
At least it wouldn't stain then.
My eyes looked a lustrous shade between green and brown, still more green though; I knew they would have been emerald whilst Edward had been arguing. Now, they glimmered slightly. But faded as pain replaced the anger.
I couldn't bare it. For I had remembered that Edward was the only one just in anger. He didn't even realise that Bella's heart was torn. He couldn't, because he was unable to access her mind and my own. So he couldn't know unless-
My heart faltered. And stopped monetarily.
Unless he heard Jacob.
In that instant, as the realisation of what could happen crashed down on me, my breathing hiked, as did my heartbeat, pounding erratically against my chest, faster than ever, it continued to accelerate.
Distantly, I knew Edward was stopping the car, looking at me anxiously, alarmed. Not because he could hear my mind, but because he could hear my heart. And it didn't sound healthy.
If Edward found out, I knew what would happen. He loved Bella more than anything, that had always been clear. He'd held grudges against those who had hurt Bella, and would do anything within his power to protect her. He adored her in every respect, his gaze showed so much intensity, it honestly hurt to see the smouldering emotion behind his liquid gold eyes.
I knew, that without Bella loving him back. With her choosing Jake, Edward would go to Volterra.
He'd already realised living without her was impossible.
He would go to Volterra.
He would die.
With that. My breathing stopped all together, my lips couldn't move and I felt myself tremble. Because in that instant, it was like I could see the future. Edward, dead. The Cullen's leaving in sorrow, Bella blaming me, everyone blaming me.
Including myself. I would be the one who blamed me most of all.
All of that, would be your fault.
Edward's harmonious voice did not break my train of thought, nor did it improve my heart rate. And breathing - which, there was none of.
"Your lips are blue. Talk Lucie."
But how could I speak, when I knew what could happen?
When I knew my world was about to vanish before my feet?
Because the simple truth was; however much Edward angered me; infuriated me; and even hurt me. I knew I couldn't live without him and the Cullens. They were the only people I'd finally found at ease with, connected to.
Here was the only place I'd ever felt truly home.
My vision was blurring now, in and out of focus. Only Edward's melodic voice kept me conscious as it spoke fluidly again, as supple as water, yet tarnished was anxiety and unease.
"Breathe, Lucie." It was a command, one that I couldn't respond to. My body had suddenly gone rigid; it no longer trembled. My mind was screaming at me. Half, in horror at the realisation I'd just discovered. The other - more rational side - was screaming for oxygen. But it was as if my throat was sealed up.
And then, miracle cool hands were holding my face. The sudden jolt of electricity shook through me, leaving my cheeks hot at his touch, I found my body flinching backend inhaled in a sharp gasp.
"Finally." he sighed, seemingly unperturbed by the way I'd recoiled. Was I the only one to have felt that?
I found my self wishing I wasn't.
"Edward?" I whispered quietly, staring straight at him. He's already started to drive carefully; we were running late. In fact, he was driving very carefully, actually keeping to the speed limit. I desperately tried to show him what I was trying to say through the look in my terrified eyes. "Promise me something."
"I can't do that." Was his reply, and frustration suddenly bubbled up again, but subsided almost as instantly, as I looked back at his face. Apolgoy saturating it. "But please realise that I'm sorry, for what I keep doing, ignoring you, excluding you and-"
I cut him off.
"Only if you promise one thing."
"Luice," He sounded strained now, gripping the steering wheel tighter, "I can't." His voice sounded like it was going to brake on the last word.
"It's not much," I whispered fervently, clutching at straws. "Just…" I hesitated.
He sighed.
"What?" The way he said it sounded like surrender.
"Promise you won't leave." I knew I was speaking with too much emotion, yet it was impossible to stifle it.
"I'll promise you this," He said, his eyes portraying the same level of intensity. "Je ne t'oublierai jamais." The French words flew quickly from his lips, I frowned. Not liking the fact that everything the Cullen's said in French became a mystery to me, but before I could answer, Edward stiffened significantly.
Looking out the window, I noticed we'd arrived at school.
And there, across from where we sat, was Jessica in clear view of both Edward and I.
"Edward," I hissed quietly, unable to keep the panic edge to my voice at bay, "What's she thinking."
"It's not good." He mused, a smile tugging at his lips.
"What?" I said exasperatedly.
"You really want to know?"
"I need to. " I knew how easily Jessica could misinterpret. And by the look on her face, with her jaw dropped and the glint in her eye that only potential gossip caused, I knew she already had done so. Edward mimicked her voice to perfection.
"She's thinking: 'Nun-uh! How the hell did Lucie catch a ride with the fu-" He grimaced as he looked at me before quickly editing Jessica's language. As if my ears were too delicate to hear it. "hottest guy in the school, she's attracting way too much attention."
I sighed before muttering in an undertone as chagrin flooded my face.
"Tell me about it."
Edward grinned.
And as I stepped out the car, I mentally prepared my self for facing Jessica, along with Lauren, Mike, and Bella.
This time: well, crud simply didn't cover it.
In fact, I was more inclined to use Jessica's language.
Ah, crap.
***
There. Grrr. I don't like this chappy. Darn Jacob and his hardness-to-write. Sorry if he seems OOC. I tried, and almost certainly failed, but hey, what do you think? Need your lovely reviews to spur me to write on. Else, I'll just resort to reading the new book that came from Amazon today, well two came, and only one's left. Yes. I read too fast for my own good. It sucks.
Please review? Make me smile?
OH, and lots the whole 'cryptic-French-sayings-thing' sorry, sorry, sorry, and for translations… well… of people commented on I can't give them, rest assured all will become clear in later chapters, okay? And there in French because too many reviewers know Spanish too well. And they're meant to be cryptic, even though they probably aren't!
Review please? I did update faster, and didn't keep you hanging till Saturday! So, I am kinda nice? Reward me, with lovely reviews? Yes?
PLEASE?
Anyway, the more reviews, the faster I update, I'll make that a new rule. So you've got an incentive now! (Though you really should just be doing it out of the kindness of your hearts… :p)
Lily- who has been requested to give out cookies instead of muffins this update. So yup. she has them all. Sitting on a plate, ready to be gobbled up. Review. And you can do the gobbling! :p