Chapter 2
Blisterpinch,
Can't you see the opportunity you've been given? How can you complain that your patient is a key worker and her husband is furloughed? Or that she is trying to stay in wherever possible while he is trying to get out? Some annoyance might come from cooping them up together but two humans experiencing the same problem will most likely understand and forgive each other. Besides, they have the internet. They barely need to interact at all if they're clever about it, so it really tells me the state of things when you tell me they're "compromising". A serious, emotionally charged disagreement like the one you describe is the best ammunition you could desire for getting their marriage back on track. Both of them are frightened; her of death, him of isolation. The fear is intense enough that they haven't noticed each other's. Keep it that way. Keep them focused on the details. They've just been offered a set of rules that are both very simple and very difficult. Use that to your advantage. Persuade your patient that she has a duty to police her partner for his own good. Convince her that because the rules are simple, they must therefore be easy. For example, "the lockdown rules say not to go to someone else's house, and yet you forgot the milk and went out twice. How can you mess that up?" That way, he can counter with something pointing out the absurdity, like, "You can't seriously believe that someone is going to die because I bought milk and biscuits." Notice the contempt trickling in.
Have you tried confirmation bias? Sift back through your patient's mind for any of her husband's past offences: thoughtlessness, stubbornness, anything where she either turned out to be right or believes she was right. Line them up in a little row. Cut away anything extraneous such as apologies or mitigations. Definitely extract anything where she turned out to be wrong wrong. Then, when she's hot and huffing from another squabble, fling it all before her and whisper, "He's always like this. He never listens to me." Really lay it on thick. Leave no room for her reason to point out that if he was "always like this", she wouldn't have years between examples. The clever thing here is that, persuaded that he "never listens" to her, she will stop listening to him.
I am assuming that his excursions really are genuinely frivolous. If he's visiting his elderly father or assisting a housebound neighbour, you could make her envy what she perceives as his freedom.
Is she a self-martyring sort? Could you make her one? When she trudges in from work, shove a dirty cup at her and make it seem urgent that the cup be cleaned. While she's cleaning it, sneak in the thought, "Why couldn't he have done this while I was out?" If she is a martyred sort of woman, you can easily dissuade her against actually expressing any of this to him or noticing anything that was actually done while she was out. You may wonder, would she not simply ask him to tidy the house? And you would be missing the point. The cup doesn't matter so much as her conviction that something needs to be done right away whether it's important or not, and needs to be done by her. Persuade that asking him to help her is hopeless and leaving the task alone is inexcusable. Never give her a moment's peace. In this state, you can convince her that she is the only one doing anything right and behold, you have contempt. Her treatment of others is sure to get worse as her opinion of them gets worse.
As for your question of whether they should be staying at home or going out, I do hope you're not letting her think about that. Remember, she's doing it fundamentally because it's in her interest to do so. He's rebelling for the same reason. Which option is moral simply doesn't come into it. Do not let them ask that question, to themselves or to each other. If they begin to understand each other's point of view, you run the risk of "compromise". And I better not see that filthy word in your next letter.
Yours,
Scabtree