Heyyy! (Wow, do I really say this every single time? How repetitive. :p)
Yes. My severe illness of Babbleritus has struck again. How did you notice?
Okay. Thank you so darn much for all the reviews. 412. That's a lot. Loads were really long too! SO THANKS! ( Now see: long reviews= happy me, happy me= faster updates, faster updates= happy readers, happy readers= long reviews?) I did warn about the whole babbling bit… Anyway, I LOVED them, so, so, much, and I'm really sorry, if I didn't reply to them. Why? Well, here's the reason:
My laptop, (curse it, curse it!) to find lack of a better description, decided to spontaneously combust. Well okay, no, not exactly. It hasn't been working this past week, and I couldn't log in to my email to reply. Now. Can you imagine someone shouting at the thing by saying: 'work darn you, just work! Now I say!' Well, *cough* not that was what I was like or anything *cough* so yeah, me and my laptop are officially at war, and that's the reason if I didn't reply to all those amazing reviews! It works now though (so it's learning, that it can never truly beat my magnificent self its owner… *Right. I'm starting to sound crazy, aren't I? Yeah. I'll shut up :p*), so be sure to get babbled at when you review now! PLEASE review, it makes my day, and if you review, I shall consider updating EXTRA early! Because I'm that nice… and not at all crazy… at all…
No French in this chapter. Why? I can't say. It will come back though, seeing as I've been supplied with one heck of a lot of revision over the holidays. (Which, may I say, is completely unjust! I mean. I have to go take part in that torture-thing-which-takes-form-in-school- called work, for 30 hours each week! And now I get revision too? *huff* Life's unfair, eh? *hehe! I sound like a petulant little child complaining, don't I? Sorry. Have to rant once in a while. School's not so bad. Just very tedious is all.* :p)
I was going to split this chapter into two. But I didn't. Hence it's length, do you like long chapters? Should I get more reviews, for longer chapters? Yeah okay. I'm pushing my luck again :p Anyway, Bella appears in this chapter, thanks so much for all the advice and stuff regarding doing it from her POV. I really did love the ideas, especially one saying that I could do a brief summary Bella POV, like I did for Edward in chapter 13. Brilliant idea and advice. Sorry I didn't do it as requested L Why you ask? Well, why I finally decided to not do her POV was for several reasons:
1). The Twilight Saga is mainly composed of her POV anyway, so you can read that again if you want more.
2). If I did her POV, I'm afraid she knows things Lucie doesn't, and it would give far too much away.
3). This chapter is already massive. If I did her POV, it would be even longer… and I wouldn't have updated so fast (if you can call that fast :p)
4). Amazingly, some people actually like my writing s*shock horror!* and they like Lucie's POV. Something different perhaps? Anywho, I'm glad, because hers is the easiest to write!
This chapter shall be dedicated to everyone. I couldn't pick individuals. I love each and every review. (Though long reviews are my favourite, *hint, hint*) And I have to say, that if you review. You rock. So yeah. Want to rock? Simple. Review this.
Now. I could babble on for ages. But I won't (I've already done that for quite some time) . If you actually read these A/Ns I keep doing then I apologise again. You're probably sick of them by now! So yeah. I'll shut up properly this time, and let you read the chapter!
What Happened Last Chapter:
"I'm sorry you had to hear it, I just needed to let you know, I'm not really that evil. Not to the core."
"I know Rosalie, and thanks."
"No problem. Now…" She looked at the pile of clothing Alice had procured earlier. "But this on," She threw a pale green, long sleeved, top to me, it felt expensive. Silk maybe. Rosalie grinned as I grabbed it.
"I just don't think red is your colour."
I smiled, but couldn't forget her words.
When you're hurt like that. Have something that constantly eats away in your subconscious, you can never be truly whole.
And I couldn't help but ask the question to myself.
Would I, ever be whole?
***
The Initiation Of Turmoil
After I had changed I stared at my self in front of the mirror. Alice's mirror was so expensive looking, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if someone broke it. Yet it looked very strong, what could break it? A reflection maybe? I grinned despite myself, remembering the bad jokes that used to circulate about how people's faces broke mirrors. But the smile slipped from my face as I grimaced.
Okay. So I wasn't exactly ugly. My face wouldn't break this mirror of Alice's.
Though my expression probably could.
My hazel eyes- such an oddity against my golden hair- looked troubled as I gazed into them. Whenever I looked in to the mirror (which was by the way, not very often) I would frown. Scrutinise. The top Rosalie had given me was surprisingly fitting; a low renaissance style cut was tight fitting enough to show off my slender figure. I scowled. Feeling the urge to grab a jumper. I want a jumper. I looked round the bathroom and to my surprise, found one. Smiling slightly, I took the blue hoodie, and just had it halfway over my head when-
"Lucie! You can't wear that!" Alice's voice was shrill, by the sound of it; it was as if I had committed murder.
"What…" I mumbled, my face pressed against the jumper that was currently cutting off my air supply. I huffed crossly.
This was what happened, (in this case getting half suffocated by a jumper) when ever I tried on new clothes. In my opinion, definitely not worth the hassle.
"You can't wear that; it's Jasper's." Alice's matter-of-fact voice became clearer as she whipped the jumper free from my head in one swift movement, allowing me to breathe. "And, speaking of Jasper… guess what? He wasn't depressed at all, I think Esme, was lying though I don't know why…" Her neat black eyebrows formed into a frown for a split instinct, but almost as abruptly, she smiled in approval as she looked at my new attire, I didn't. I wasn't cold. But still…Jasper's jumper or not. I wanted it back. This top was: too expensive; too low cut, and by the look on Alice's face. She approved of it. That was not good. Anything Alice approved of, I didn't want to wear. Fashion sense, or no fashion sense. Trust Alice? That's a lot to put at risk.
"Good pick Rosalie." Alice praised her, she smiled but left the room quickly, leaving only me and Alice, the hyper pixie faced me again, speaking like a fashion stylist, "You need to wear clothes like this more often Lucie. Far better fitting." In answer, I scowled, causing yet another grin to light up her pixie face. See? I swear she's sadistic sometimes. "Now," Alice continued, gripping my arm and steering back towards, what I shall name: 'the-seat-of-doom' and thrusting me into it. "We do the hair." My scowl had gone. Now, it was replaced with a grimace.
I zoned out then, when Alice was talking animatedly, something about school, something about Jasper, something about shopping. Yeah. The second she mentioned shopping, that was when I zoned out. I didn't register the brush that she was pulling through my hair, I couldn't feel it, with her gentle strokes, I just sat there. Bored. Still, chanting in my head, anything to make Alice happy…
Well not anything. Not shopping. I couldn't endure that. Not again.
"You know Lucie, we're fine for two weeks, Edward will over worry as usual and stuff, but we do have two weeks, and that's an awfully long time in which we can go shop-"
"No." I said calmly. Surprised by the calm, Alice sounded so sure about it all. The Volturi. That we would be safe from them. The issue didn't seem to bother her anymore, since she'd had a vision of them, either that, or she was an incredibly good actress. And it was in fact worrying her; she just didn't want to show it. I sincerely hoped it wasn't the latter. And for now, drank in her cool tone.
She pouted at me, I knew she was going to coerce me more, the prospect was frightening. I mean, how much more of Alice's use of rhetoric could I stand? Sooner or later I would succumb to one of her shopping trips, or worse; makeovers. I was just starting to panic slightly when Alice opened her mouth to speak, wondering how long I'd last with her alone. But, to my relief, she was stopped from any other comebacks when the door swung open, Esme outside it, a warm smile on her face, a caring gentle one, the look of a mother. She'd arrived at exactly the right time.
Again. Thank you Esme. I wondered briefly if I was emitting distress signals, Esme always seemed to be my savoir when it came to tolerating Alice.
***
I walked into the kitchen, marvelling slightly at its size; odd that they had such a beautiful kitchen, complete with every sort of utensil and yet they didn't eat. Or rather, didn't eat human food. Sure they fed; still, I don't think that could be passed as eating. More like drinking. Or sucking.
Okay. Stop there. I was looking (or to be more apt: thinking) far too much into this. I sighed in frustration, and then smiled wryly. Because I knew, that despite all that; the things that should have people screaming, running, rational reactions. That I, didn't care. In fact, I was intrigued so to say, how did they exactly hunt? Weapons were obviously not used, but how did they stop their… prey, with only their hands? How did Alice do that? Emmett, with some effort, I might be able to imagine, but Alice? She was shorter than I was, her petite frame didn't exactly look deadly when compared to a grizzly…
Unless of course, she took the poor thing shopping. That, would be fatal.
I started to walk round the kitchen then. Frowning. This was what happened when I was by myself; my mind would wander to the most random things possible. I mean, how an earth did I get to the image of a bear laded with shopping bags in my head? See what I mean? I was actually loosing it…
With a jolt though, I knew exactly what Alice looked like hunting.
Feral, on all fours, stalking her prey gracefully, dancing towards the elk, circling it, her movements both graceful and unmistakably deadly. Like a snake before it struck Baring her shining teeth as she drew closer, sinking them into its throat, slicing through the tissue and sinew as easily as melted butter.
It didn't take long to remember how I knew that. Jasper. I shook off the thought, knowing how kind, sincere and loving Jasper was. His power enabled him to feel everyone's confused, happy, and depressed emotions. Emmet would be a nice person to live with, he and Alice set off equally happy vibes. Rosalie and Edward however, well their minds were darker. Not in a bad way, but still, Jasper managed to maintain the atmosphere, to keep it under control. He'd managed to calm me, reassure, on several occasions, and I was grateful.
Rosalie and Emmett had gone hunting. Carlisle and Jasper were working on some research to deal with the Volturi issue, where Alice and Esme would soon join them. All of that; inevitably led up to me being on my own. Not good. Despite my previous erratic thoughts, I suddenly wished they'd return. Trivial, nonsense. I wanted that. Not the horribly familiar sensation I was experiencing now. The sensation that made the hairs along the nape of my neck rise
The sensation of being watched.
"The Volturi." I whispered the word; only silence answered me as I slowly sank to the floor, forgetting all Esme's attempts to make me eat, her words that had been filled with concern, faded instantly. I felt sick to the stomach, if I ate anything now, I'd only throw it up. Shakily, I drew to my feet. What time was it anyway? Looking at the clock, I gasped. 6:30 I'd practically ditched the whole afternoon of school. I didn't care about that though, I had fainted after all, that was an excuse. With a stab to the stomach, I remembered.
My father.
He was probably worried, should I get Esme? Ask her to take me back? Come to think of it, where was my car? Left at school? Did I even know- but my feverish questions stopped instantly, melted, as I heard it. A sound, a beautiful one; terrible in it's power. Instantly entrancing me, luring me, the symphony of notes had me captivated, flowing so subtly, it could barely be described as music, too breathtaking, to be considered just as music. I couldn't help it. My feet moved, as I felt myself follow the sound. I wasn't really walking towards the music, more drifting than walking, not consciously making an effort to do so, compelled by the sound, the notes. Eerily perfect.
Though not as perfect as the sight that went with them.
I'd reached the door to a room, it was ajar, and with a shock, I saw him, truly a better version of Adonis. His hands caressing the piano keys with desultory but undeniable skill, his head bowed, as if in prayer, pouring out his soul into the music. I recognised the tune, having heard it through someone else's mind. Bella's lullaby. Though even though I knew this, I would have guessed it anyway. It suited her; it was almost scary to hear how much emotion was portrayed though the notes, each it seemed, were barely touched on the piano. His musician's hands pausing ever so slightly over each one, playing so lightly, the effect made it sound like flowing water.
I slipped through the gap, small enough for me not to make a sound, and into the room. Gaping at him, playing the grand piano, his ethereal movement in the way his hands caressed rather than just touched the ivory keys. But then, he stopped, the tune changed; no longer Bella's lullaby. Edward's hands tripped over the keys, from where I stood, I couldn't see his face, though I knew he was frowning, as he tried again to play the tune. So different from Bella's yet in many ways, it was more captivating. Darker, it seemed, I drew closer, holding my breath, my footsteps were silent, and though I knew he would normally be able to hear the slightest movement, he didn't now. Too engrossed, lost, in the sound. Much like my self.
I could see over his shoulder now, he carried on playing single handily as he turned the page of the music, I saw the sheet; the plethora of notes written down in a hurry, in the same way one would frantically write down the remnants of a dream… so unorganised yet beautiful, each written in his elegant calligraphy. He sighed then, a sigh of aggravation, as his hands stumbled once more, though to me, the music did not falter. Even with the evident mistakes he was making, it still sounded beautiful. The music picked up, increased impossibly somehow in beauty. I couldn't help the sound that gushed through my lips, a stunned gasp, how an earth had it increased in beauty?
His hands faltered then, though not like before, not in mistake. They'd stopped because he'd heard me. I wanted to kick myself for disturbing him. For breaking the sound. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly in fact, he turned.
I couldn't help it, I stared at him, the awe still etched onto my face; Edward looked almost as shocked as I felt. My heart thumped erratically, how did he do that? Make my heart rate rise within a second of his presence? I opened my mouth, but closed it again. Edward was staring at me, a strange look in his now brilliant golden eyes.
"I thought you would have gone by now." He said, an unmistakable hard tone to his voice, crisp and formal. I recoiled inside, cursing at my emotions. So unrequited. I didn't know what to do in response to his words; I wanted to turn, run childishly from the room. Surprisingly, I didn't. I felt the urge to reply to him, cold and callous like he'd just done: I thought you'd gone hunting. Instead though my thoughts tumbled from my lips.
"That last tune," I whispered, looking away from his gaze. Horribly cold. Indifferent. "It was beautiful." I turned then, walked away to the kitchen, his words still stung, but I could see something in his expression. A smile formed on his lips, though I didn't look into his eyes, not wanting to see the same hatred they'd just portrayed.
I couldn't hear his footsteps behind me as I drew into kitchen, so I didn't turn round. I was grateful for him to leave. I needed to think. Something that was hard to do in his presence, when he stared at me. My mind went blank. It was, to say the least, increasingly annoying. I needed to think now. But I couldn't help the fear that gripped me. The fear that had fallen away at the music, which was now replaced by an ominous silence.
I picked up an apple, a green one, and inspected it rather than actually considered eating it. Esme's words rang clear in my head again: 'Lucie, I've made some more muffins' I sighed then, drawing my legs up neatly and sitting cross legged on their immaculately clean table top. Wrapping my arms round myself.
I knew what she'd been implying, wanting me to eat more. Still, I wasn't hungry, not with the fear gripping me again, churning my stomach. I would eat later. When I was less stressed, I told myself. Hoping that my stress would vanish soon. Besides. She hadn't told me where the muffins even were. Another good excuse.
"You know, that's terribly unhygienic." His voice floated to me. I snapped my head up, to find Edward standing casually in the door frame, his coppery flecked bronze hair was mussed from the wind, making it look even more in disarray than usual. Water droplets encrusted in it. His eyes were a brilliant gold. I felt my stomach clench tighter. I hated seeing him like this. It was harder to ignore now, that horrible, deadly feeling that was bubbling inside me.
"I'm pretty clean actually; don't worry about the precious table tops."
I spoke in a low sarcastic voice; it carefully concealed any other emotion, however much I hated to take the tone. Indifferent. Callous. But still, it was a mask I was willing to wear to suppress what ever else I might say. I didn't make eye contact whilst I spoke, looking at his shirt rather than his face. Seeing how the beige fabric clung to his physique, wet from the rain, showing his prominent abs. I averted my gaze again. That wasn't going to help anything.
There was a long silence then, but I could still feel his presence. I was staring at the floor now, but in irritation I looked up. Only to find him doing the same thing. Except- he wasn't looking at me, he was staring at me. His eyes widening slightly at my new attire. The question blurted though my lips before I could stop it, annoyed slightly.
"What?"
"You're wearing a new top." He'd noticed that? I cursed the blush that formed on my cheeks. Stupid emotions. Stupid pointless blush. Scowling, I looked back down, my hair falling in front of my face, I had to retort soon, else I knew another smirk would form on his perfect lips.
"Had a good look did you?" It didn't come out right, not how I was meant to say it anyway. Like people did when they were cross, making the other look embarrassed. When I said it though, I knew Edward would not look embarrassed; I made up for that particular part. Coming out of my mouth, the sentence just sounded silly.
"Are you going to eat that?"
I looked at the apple in my hands. Cautiously, I bit it.
"Happy now?" I muttered indignantly, still staring stubbornly at the apple. Even though I'd just bitten into it, the soft fruit concealed was oxidising with the air, once a very pale green, steadily turning browner. Well. How appetising.
"No, you need to eat more Lucie, one bite won't help-"
"We've already had this conversation." I pointed out, cutting across him, knowing how my expression was becoming petulant. It sounded silly, him making me eat. I knew why, I was getting underweight. And it wasn't because of some stupid quest to look good. I would eat though, when I got home. I just couldn't eat now, not with him there. Watching me. And besides. I've never really liked green apples.
"You're getting angry." Edward noted. His voice was nearer. I snapped my head up once more, surprised when he wasn't smirking.
"Am not."
"You are, your eyes are turning emerald." He said, his voice sounded smug. Stupid eyes! I suddenly felt the very strong and childish urge to chuck the apple at him. I didn't overcome it, naturally, the child inside me just took control, I couldn't really be blamed. In one, quick, lithe movement I threw it.
And he, being himself, caught it with ease.
"You know, temper is a very unattractive trait," He commented, tossing the apple I'd just thrown at him, into the air and back again with impeccable skill, idly, as if without realising he was doing it.
"Well then," I mused quietly, still concentrating on the apple rather than him, "I must be practically hideous." he didn't smile at my attempt at humour, instead handed the apple back to me, a frown on his marble features. I didn't toss it like he did. If I did, I would almost certainly drop it.
"You're not hideous Lucie." He said quietly.
I snorted. Quite the lady. "Glad to hear it."
"No, you're really not," His said firmly, "you're-"
"Don't." I said sharply. "I can tell when I'm being lied to Edward." I said the last part coldly, once again, not meeting his wounded gaze.
"And what if I didn't lie?" He murmured quietly.
"Then I'd just assume you did." He sighed impatiently at this. I suppressed a laugh, "Honestly, I thought vampires were meant to be in a good mood after they hunted."
"Yes, well, it's hard to remain in a good mood-"
"Are you implying that I, put you in a bad mood?!" I gasped in mock horror.
"Who said I was in a bad mood?" Edward raised an eyebrow. I resisted the urge to throw the apple at it. Again.
"You did."
"And when was that?" Seriously. It wasn't wise for Edward to have that single eyebrow of his still raised. My impatience was waning. And this time, I'd throw the apple unpredictably, hit him properly. I stalled answering the question, suddenly aware that he'd moved closer to the counter where I was sitting on. And, still very aware of the apple in my hand. The hand which was itching to throw it-
"What are you thinking? Or can you simply not provide evidence to your previous statement?" What was I thinking?
Oh nothing, just deciding the exact time in which to hurl this apple at your impossibly beautiful face, and stupid eyebrow, which just happens to be raised on its own despite the fact that you know how much it annoys me.
See what I mean about going crazy?
"Nothing." I muttered.
"No need to look so crest fallen," He said casually, "Yes, generally, vampires are meant to be in a good mood as you put it, after they've fed," He was speaking curtly now, not looking at me. "But, it's hard Lucie. There is a bit of a situation at hand at the moment. Making it impossible for me to even relax, let alone stay cheerful, if you haven't already noticed."
Yes. Nice way to phrase it. A group of possibly sadistic vampires were planning on killing Bella. Vampires, that just happened to pop up in my dreams every night.
"Right," I said, my mouth turned up into a dry smile. "A situation indeed."
He smiled fleetingly, and then frowned once more. See, he was in a bad mood, I was just about to point out this factor, but when I looked up at him and found him looking at me, his golden eyes were not pained now, devoid somewhat (though I knew not completely) of the terrible thirst. Now they looked subdued, framed by impossibly long lashes. They're golden depth showed an emotion that wasn't anger. It was guilt, guilt and fear. Instantly, I knew what was on his mind. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible above a whisper.
"Lucie, will you promise me something?"
My sentence burst through my lips too quickly, too eagerly. It did not make sense compared to my supposed anger towards him.
"Of course."
"Don't tell Bella. Don't tell her about the Volturi."
"Why?" I couldn't help but ask, he looked odd, painstakingly beautiful, yet broken. I couldn't work out the expression as his eyes flickered to mine. It didn't make sense.
"Just. Don't. Promise me." He was strained now, only just managing to keep his voice calm.
"I promise." I whispered, but I stopped looking at him. Unwilling for him to see my expression, I couldn't compose it quickly enough.
He sighed, almost in exasperation at my response; I turned to glare back at him.
"Lucie," His voice was strained again, tittering on the borderline of calm now. "Why do you hate me?"
"Why did you assume I did?" I retorted, my anger flaring. Why? Why did he always have to assume things like that? Hated him. If only. He didn't respond, and for some reason, this only angered me further, my voice was brittle when I spoke, meaning to sound cold. But instead, I could hear the way my voice wavered, only hoping that he couldn't. "I told you, it's easier to hate you."
"Sometimes you can't just do things because they're easy." He said under his breath, I didn't retort though, despite the fact that I could have pointed out he was quoting someone again. I didn't know who. But still, I'm sure I've heard that saying before.
Cliché. Or what?
Neither of us made to speak again. He moved casually, yet with ethereal - and impossible grace, so fluid like a dance, I couldn't keep my eyes off him, in spite of my annoyance, I couldn't deny that I was entranced by his movements. - To the other side of the vast kitchen. Where he placed himself on a stool, though I knew all to well, he didn't get tired standing.
The silence now, wasn't like before. I felt like I could spend eternity sitting there, quietly, my thoughts now, less stupid, mainly because they all orbited at one thing in particular. Hard to guess? I worried though. My father would be worrying about me, another glance at the clock confirmed my fears 7:00pm he'd be very worried, but I didn't want to speak, scared of breaking the silence, it was stupid, but true. Edward wasn't looking at me, he it seemed, was as distant as I was in thoughts. Though his were probably less trivial than simple fears of worrying a father. Though I didn't care. To me, my father meant a lot, the opposite of trivial in my book. Without him, I couldn't have coped these last few years. I owed him massively.
I was about to stand up, find Esme, ask her to take me home, when it happened. Rendering me frozen to the spot.
The massive windows that stretched nearly the entire reign of wall portrayed the forest beyond it. But it was the sky, which had my attention, as the clouds withholding the rain previously, dispersed, revealing the bright sun behind it.
And then, the rays hit him. I couldn't help seeing him. My previous annoyance and anger that had flared was gone, vanished in a heartbeat. Now, he was truly an angel, just devoid of wings, seemingly unaware of the light he was radiating off his skin, like a thousand diamond facets shattering, his face was lost in thought though. Completely oblivious. To all else.
I was wrong before. Edward was no Greek god; not Adonis anymore; not a sculpture brought to life; or any form of angel. No, Edward was better. He beat them all.
"Wow." I breathed, the word tumbled through my lips, and to my horror I knew I'd spoken my thoughts aloud. I snapped my mouth shut audibly, blushing furiously and staring sternly at the pale green apple (which had indeed turned a shade of brown where two bite marks showed were my teeth had bit into it) clasped firmly in my hands. But still, I could see him, out the corner of my eye, even that was enough to make me feel off balance. Very aware of how easily I could fall off the counter.
He turned then, excruciatingly slowly, facing me, and crooked one perfectly arched eyebrow, diamonds still showering off his skin, I forgot my annoyance towards the trait; I forgot the room; the apple. Hell, I forgot everything when I stared at him, no longer out the corner of my eye.
He walked towards me then, and I mentally slapped myself, I'd been staring at him. My focus on the apple wasn't working; I tried to concentrate of something unpleasant instead. Mike Newton. No. Oh crud, now I feel ill and dizzy, not a good combination - someone else then. Mr Banner, yes, I would concentrate on Mr Banner and one of his Physics-
"Wow, huh?"
Yes. I'll admit, now all thought of Mr Banner (sad to say) had evaporated, with two simple words. His velvet voice was the same silk caress. Though I noticed the other edge to it, his breathing was uneven, making the words come out low and husky. He was a foot away now, towering over me, though I was perched on the side. I could see every inch of his chest now, the fabric clinging to it- still damp from the rain outside, clinging to his clothes, encrusted in his hair- moulding the planes of his chest. At the thought of this, the apple slipped from my fingers; I expected Edward to catch it.
He didn't.
It hit the floor with a thud, rolling slightly before stopping. I was suddenly hyper aware of my heartbeat, the loudest thing in the room. I succumbed, looking up, finally staring into his eyes again, a brilliant and terrible shade of gold. My resolve faltered for a second. He looked at me questionably.
"I-I was just commenting on…" Desperately, I looked round the room, and caught sight of the first thing that came into view. "Your lovely… oven." And yes. Straight after that sentence, I considered killing myself.
Oven?
What, on earth, had made me say that?
Edward's eyebrows rose higher into his alabaster forehead.
"Were you now?" I couldn't possibly speak, succumbing once more when I met his gaze, and nearly tipping off the counter in doing so. The sun had retreated behind the clouds once more his skin was no longer sparkling, but still, this didn't seem to have helped my pulse.
My heart itself, was acting ridiculously, jumping so fast, it was probably what Alice would be like after having coffee. Did vampires even drink coffee? Red Bull maybe? Alice on Red Bull? No. That wasn't a pretty picture; I could already imagine her zooming into the room and demanding shopping trips. Definitely a bad idea, Alice was hyper normally, if she had extra-
"What are you thinking?" I was bought back to reality with a start, he'd moved closer again, placed an ice cold hand again my cheek, as if in the touch, he'd be able to access my thoughts. The shock startled me, his cold hand against my burning cheek, blushing ever more prominent. Ice against fire.
I could hear the longing in his tone. A longing to see my thoughts.
I grimaced at that; my words though, gave me away. Coming out rough and out of breath.
"You don't want to know."
"Trust me: I do." His voice was so sincere - it took me aback - mirroring his expression. No humour was apparent now; he was just staring, waiting for an answer.
"I was…" Oh dear. This wasn't going to sound good. "Thinking about Alice and… coffee." Right. Way to lose my sanity.
"Lucie," Edward's expression stiffened, though did not waver, nor did he move, inches from me, I could almost taste the scent on the air, that irresistible smell… I concentrated on his voice, surprisingly stern. "Enough lies."
"I wasn't-" I started to protest. What? I wasn't as well, I had just been thinking about Alice and coffee, despite how obscure it seemed.
"You weren't lying?" Edward said, his voice laced with scepticism. I frowned, and shook my head, too out of breath to speak. "No? So do you often admire ovens too?"
I was cut short by that. Crud, I thought I'd managed to avoid that question.
My violent blush was enough for an answer.
"So," I said, defending myself, stopping his smug expression before it started but my voice was quiet, ruining the effect slightly. "You were sparkling Edward," Ugh. I sounded crazy again; I tried to rephrase the sentence. "Light emanating off your skin, yes, I said 'wow'. And? What other reaction would people give?" I meant that as a rhetorical question.
"Normal people would be screaming at this point." His tone was bitter, resentful.
"Well I'm sorry to disappoint then." I muttered crossly, very aware of how close we were. And getting increasingly embarrassed by the tempo of my pulse.
He drew back then.
And I fell into him.
"Excuse me?" He murmured, amused. I started backwards, a reflex reaction to this, just managing not to stumble again. Chagrin flushed my face. I can officially say, that this was probably the most embarrassing day. Ever.
"Sorry." I mumbled.
He didn't respond, but looked at the clock. Frowning in doing so, I followed his gaze. The clock read 7:57 how the hell did time pass so fast? I didn't really need to look too deeply into the question. But seriously, how long had we been talking? Maybe the clock was wrong. "Oh crud." I whispered to myself. Edward looked back, questioning. I turned to him, ready to regret what I was about to do.
"I need to get home, and fast."
He grinned.
"No problem."
***
I cringed as I opened the front door. Preparing my self for my father, who was sure to be cross. Yes. Cross, would probably be an understatement
Edward had driven me home, talking to me quietly, though I hadn't listened much. We'd sat in silence for the rest of the journey, but it was comfortable. Edward, like myself, seemed to like the quiet, tranquillity. Though, this wasn't actually the reason for my lack of speech. I had other things on my mind.
Oh, and did I mention? Edward drove like a maniac. Literally, maniac. I mean. Yeah, he's a vampire (I noticed. Surprise, surprise.) He likes speed. But does he want to give me a heart attack? Hence the reason, why I was now at my front door, anxious and worried for my father. I could just tell this wasn't going to be good.
"Lucie? You're back honey!" I couldn't say anything to his greeting, wrapped up in his arms, smelling the familiar smell of new paint. "That's good; I thought our guests might arrive before you did, for a second there."
"I'm so sorry dad." I managed to gasp in between breaths, but he didn't explode like I thought he would, instead, he turned to face me, a glint in his deep eyes. In fact, he looked slightly excited. That was odd. Why wasn't he angry? Why wasn't he telling me off? My father, the one person constant in my life, forever trying to protect me, always insisting I came home straight after school, was now looking at me as if I'd not just skived off half of the day. Who'd replaced my father?
And wait just one second. Guests?
What?
"It's okay sweetie, oh, and who's Alice?" What? Alice?
"Err…" I mumbled struggling for words, how did he know about Alice? Hang on. Guests? Alice? Ugh. Okay, I was officially very confused.
"Yeah, she said she was your friend? From school? She called me about 3 hours ago, when you didn't come home. You did go to her house right…" My father's voice became steadily more stern. His eyebrows mashed together. Now, that, was my father. I grinned at the news, and he frowned even larger. Okay, so that explained the Alice bit…
"Yeah, we have this project thing, for History and the civil war." I said, he nodded approvingly in response to my sensible homework arrangement. I would, at any other time, have felt guilty for lying to him, but I didn't. What can I say? I was proud my lie was so effective. And besides, who were these guests? "And dad. Stop. What's all this about guests?" He smiled then. A genuine warm smile.
"Who'd of thought your old man had so many friends up here, eh?" He started to walk through the room, which was, strangely clean.
"Hang on…" I murmured, instantly suspicious. "Dad, why is this room so… clean."
"Dare I detect a tone of surprise?" He said, in mock annoyance "It's for the guests silly," then he added, looking back towards me, trying to put on a menacing look (which just made him look comical) "your room better be tidy."
"Sure dad." But my tone lost any previous enthusiasm at the prospect of people, I remembered the last time I'd had a 'guest' in my room and felt my stomach twist painfully. I had a horrible sensation of who could be coming round. He started to boil some tea and handed me a cookie from the counter. I inspected it; it looked far too edible to be something he'd baked.
"You bought this, right?" I asked, he scowled indignantly as an answer, and I grinned, biting into it hungrily now that I knew it wasn't fatal. Which it could well have been if my father had cooked it. After he'd made the tea, we sat at the table; I'd just started to sip the steaming liquid when he next spoke.
"Do you know Isabella?"
At this point, my I spluttered into my tea, and only just prevented dropping it. I knew who he meant. I'd suspected it. Still, t didn't lessen the shock.
"Bella Swan?" I asked quietly, he smiled back at me when I recognised the name, oblivious to my initial reaction, evidently having been lost in thought.
"Yeah, you two friends?"
You could say that…
I just half nodded in response, and began to gulp my tea, preventing him from asking further questions. The drink was boiling, and scalded my throat as I drank it, several times I resisted the urge to cough and spray it all over him. I excused my self to change clothes and sprinted up the stairs to my room.
I sank onto my bed when I arrived, considering jumping out the window as a method of escape. Bella was coming. Now why did that scare me? I spent a few minutes like this, unsure of why I was now afraid of her. Bella had proved how vulnerable she was. Stuck in a horribly twisted love triangle and unable to decide.
But Bella was in danger. Alice had said it would be two weeks for them to arrive, (I didn't think of their name, my head hurt too much already) it was as if the time got significantly smaller with each passing second. Like the walls were steadily closing in, abolishing any hiding places it their path, slowly concealing. Crushing. The worst part of that feeling was, I felt like I was missing something, one vital clue that had slipped unnoticed. I shook off the thought, it wasn't going to help anything. Two weeks? It seemed far too soon.
I remembered Edward pouring his soul out when playing the piano, and I felt an overwhelming sense of duty for him. I stood up shakily from my bed, and tried to asses the situation, rationally. So yes, Bella was coming. Last time I'd seen her, (had it really only been only hours previously?) well, soon after I'd fainted. Which was never a good sign. I wasn't entirely sure what to do. Surely Edward would have gone straight to her after dropping me here? In fact, she might not even come, Edward would want to protect her, I knew that for certain. Would he take her into hiding against the Cullens' requests? Would he leave?
The thought of Edward made my stomach twist again. Partially, in resentment towards Bella. She was in love with Jacob and Edward, and yet, wouldn't confirm this shared relationship to them. In fear of loosing them both. Edward had no clue about Jacob. But Jacob knew about him. Bella actually hadn't told him, but he'd worked it out, and still loved her. This, unnerved me the most, the fact that Jacob had worked it out.
Edward wasn't exactly thick, was he?
How much longer would it be for him to work it out too?
How much longer would the world remain intact?
***
They'd arrived, I could hear them from downstairs, my father making the usual greetings, saying hello to Charlie and Bella. I stalled going down to greet them. Instead pacing slightly up and down my room, waiting for an epiphany of some sort to help me with the situation. The truth was, I was afraid my face would give away too much. Afraid I was going to let slip something.
I had to tell Bella.
Eventually, I knew I could hold it off no longer; I sighed unsteadily and walked to the door of my room. Maybe if I dealt with this quickly it wouldn't be so bad. It was meant to be less painful. Like a plaster ripped from the skin.
Okay. Not a nice image.
My handle was on the cool door handle.
I opened it, only to stop by what I saw. Bella was on the other side; she looked straight at me, evidently having come to see me personally just as I had started to make my way down.
Only then did I look at her features more closely. Instead of looking remorseful, she was looking at me in unmistakable fury. Rage burning in her brown eyes. I resisted the urge to take a step back. But for some reason, this very sight of her angry. Mad me jealous.
She had no right to be angry, Edward should be, Jacob should be, I should be!
"What is it Bella?" I asked coldly, she stepped briskly into the room. Not making eye contact anymore. I felt my anger rise. I followed suit, she had her arms firmly crossed across her chest.
"I need to talk to you." Her voice did not portray much. Anger wasn't evident, though her facial expression before didn't make sense to why she sounded so calm. Maybe it was all an act? I knew she was having a better time controlling her anger than I was, though despite this, I felt it fade again at her passive mood. I hated it when this happened. Anger was a rare luxury compared to the other emotions I dealt with. I'd trade it any day over guilt and numbness.
Anger made you feel like you had a purpose. It made you feel invincible.
But Bella didn't look invincible; she still wouldn't look at me. Which meant she wasn't angry. Her shoulders were hunched slightly and I didn't know what to do, with courage, I spoke, my voice sounding stronger than I'd anticipated. And far stronger than I felt.
"Tell him Bella, tell him, or I will."
"Lucie," Bella whispered, her voice thick with emotion, trembling slightly, and for the first time she looked straight into my eyes, her chocolate ones burning me, brimful with tears. "Lucie you can't do this." her voice cracked slightly and I stared at her, shocked and appalled at her sudden mood change.
"Why?" I whispered back, unsure of what she even meant and Bella looked at me again, remorse showing through her rueful eyes. She spoke so quietly and yet the sound was louder to me than anything she'd said previously.
"Because he'll break your heart."
And I knew, she wasn't lying.
I didn't need to ask who she was talking about.
"I don't- I don't like him - think of him - in that way Bella." My voice was shaking. I'm not lying though… am I? The question in my thoughts was not a good sign. I remembered how I'd reacted to him in the sunlight, guilt plagued me again.
"Look, you have to help me. Please. I-I can't do this alone. And only you can help me, only you Lucie."
I could barely respond at all, numbly I nodded.
"Lucie, the Volturi, they're coming for me, I know it, Edward's trying to lie to me, to keep me safe. He doesn't want me to worry. He's too protective, but they're coming aren't they. Am I correct?"
I was about to break Edward's promise. I knew it. But Bella deserved to know.
"Yes, they're coming."
She sighed then, deflated almost. I knew she had known the answer, but still, there was no denying the fear now shining in her eyes. When she spoke though, her voice didn't falter like before; it was blunt, to the point. She stated her next words like facts.
"They're going to kill me, or if not, they'll change me into a vampire." I couldn't help my intake of breath then; I stared at her, shocked at how calm she sounded when saying this. Now, unsure of why she seemed so scared, if not for her own life. I cut across before she could say any more.
"Edward won't let them." My words were sure, and Bella grimaced, acknowledging the truth. With another sigh, she sat down on my bed, just like Jacob had done previously. But Jacob hadn't looked this lost.
"That's not the point, I don't know anymore, I used to be so sure..."She trailed off, her eyes cast downwards, a mixture of despair and longing in her voice, like she was trapped between two choices, each, impossible to choose from.
"About what?" I asked quietly, watching Bella carefully. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, Bella was no actress, she couldn't lie easily, not without being found out. I remembered my words to Edward earlier. I can tell when I'm being lied to. The irony was, that I had been lying then. I couldn't normally distinguished lies, not ones preformed by good liars. Edward said I couldn't lie, but I'd lied all my life; I was an expert on the subject. Still, despite this, my statement was true regarding Bella. I could tell when she was lying. Though admittedly, that wasn't much of an achievement.
Her words brought be back from my thoughts, she whispered them quietly.
"Being a vampire." The way she said it was almost in reverence, but also uncertainty. I could understand the first part, being a vampire would cure most of Bella's problems; she'd be less breakable; ethereally beautiful; immortal. And, she'd be able to spend eternity with him. My sentence gushed out of my mouth as soon as I thought this, confused, to why she wouldn't want to be a vampire. To me, it seemed perfect. (Devoid of the whole blood bit. Creepy? Not exactly, just well, yuck. )
"And you're not anymore? Why?" And as usual, as soon as I said this, I wanted to kick myself for the stupid question, knowing the answer seconds after it left my lips.
"Because of Jake." Her voice caught on his name, and I realised how tactless I was being, forgetting the other part of her life. Jacob was her sun. She couldn't do that to him. She finished off my thoughts. "It would kill him." She whispered, not looking like she was about to cry, but worse, as if she'd let everyone down. As if this was all her fault. I'd misread her horror earlier. She was not afraid of the Volturi.
She was afraid of breaking Edward and Jacob's hearts.
"Lucie, I don't know what to do…" Again, her desperation showed. I just sat there, on the bed, like an idiot, why was she asking me this? Why not Alice? But part of me knew the answer to that. Of course, Bella couldn't reveal this to anyone but me - immune to Edward's power - she hadn't meant for me to find out in the first place. I had just been difficult, my freaky gift made sure that I, like Bella, had to carry guilt.
One thing it seemed, I had a limited supply of.
I had nothing against Bella now, I knew how she was feeling, I could sympathise. No, I didn't have anyone lusting over me; not to mention two people in love with me like Bella. But I could sympathise with how she felt, caught up in the thick of mess. And still remaining vulnerable. She and I were human; in other words we were weak.
"Bella…" I said, trying to remember Alice's words before. So reassuring about the Volturi, I had felt safe then, there had been no need to press for questions. Alice had said two weeks, it had seemed like years back before. But now, well now I had the most horrible sensation crawling up my spine again, causing the uncontrollable shiver to shake me slightly. Always the same sense gripping me, always that same feeling.
As if time was running out.
I turned back to Bella, forcing my self to stay focused and trying to shut off my thoughts, working once more, in overdrive, Bella was looking at me though, her eyes still stubbornly staring at the pattern not my quilt. "Look, it'll be okay, Alice says they won't arrive for two weeks yet, that's plenty of time-" She cut me off.
"You know I don't mean that Lucie. That's hardly a problem at all." They way she said it was almost bitter; except for the look in her chocolate brown eyes, so warm, despite the guilt filling them. I sighed, and didn't break her gaze.
"You have to choose Bella."
She didn't break eye contact, but whispered her reply all the same, defeat sounding in her voice.
"And what if I can't?" My reply was blunt. Yet we both knew it was the truth.
"Then you'll break their hearts." There was a silence then, so cold it was almost tangible, the wind outside howled slightly, I hadn't noticed it before, but looking though the window I could see a storm brewing. How fitting.
"Just like mine."
"What?" I said, unsure whether Bella had spoken or not, or if my imagination was playing tricks on me.
"You really want to know why I was so horrible to you Lucie? So uncaring, selfish?"
No. I did not want to know.
She continued without my reply, I knew it had been a rhetorical question. As she began to speak, she drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms firmly around them; holding her self in one piece.
"Because you knew my secret. You are the only one who truly knows how I feel. I love Jacob, and I love Edward. But…" She trailed off, I didn't interrupt, knowing she was just preparing herself for whatever she was about to say next.
"Lucie, when Edward left me. I didn't heal. He left, and I was so sure that he didn't love me, so convinced by his lies. That I believed them. I believed I was nothing to him, and my heart broke. It shattered into a thousand pieces, each cutting me, so much so that, it would never really heal again." She stared into my face, her chocolate eyes tired from tears that would no longer fall, the tracks of previous ones still shining on her pale cheeks. "He left me Lucie, he broke my heart." I didn't speak. I couldn't speak. Not with this news, I had no idea how she had been affected. I'd judged her, before I could understand.
"Jake saved me from death in the end. It may seem melodramatic, but wasn't. I wasn't living you know how I felt, though I don't think you can understand the sheer scale of it all. Your power enables you to see people's emotions and past's right? But you see it on fast forward. Experience it on fast forward. I didn't. Every second without him hurt, every time I heard his name I wouldn't function. And it was a long time before I began to feel again."
I was stunned into silence. Still, too shocked to speak.
"Can't you see Lucie?" Bella whispered to me, her eyes imploring, so much depth and complexity I could easily see why both Edward and Jacob were drawn to them. "It still hurts now. Knowing he can leave, vanish in an instant, leaving only a memory like before. I can't live with a memory, I've tried before, and it didn't end too well." I finally managed to gush out a sentence cutting her off. Was she oblivious to how Edward felt, how guilty he was?
"He wouldn't."
"He said that last time."
I couldn't think of what else to say. I knew how Edward felt. I knew how Jacob felt, I knew how Bella felt.
"Bella, we need to go honey!" Bella's dad, Charlie, called from downstairs, I hadn't even greeted him. She made a move to stand up, but stopped halfway, turning to face me. "Just… Lucie," She lifted my chin up, I hadn't realised I'd been frowning at the quilt like she had done so moments before. "Don't get attached unless you're willing to risk that. To risk your heart." She stood up to leave; I copied, trying to summon my words to her own cryptic ones.
"No, I- I don't feel-" But I choked on the sentence as it died and Bella just smiled ruefully, before closing my door softly behind her.
I fell to the bed again, a headache forming. Because the truth was, I knew how Edward felt; how Jacob felt; how Bella felt.
But how did I feel? I didn't know…
Was Bella right?
Would Edward, break my heart?
Or would it stop beating before he could…
***
Okays. Yeah. I couldn't stand writing that… all jumbled to me :( I really need major review-style-cheering-up people. I just… Ugh! I'll need some serious motivation to write the next chapter. I was going to split this into two chapters, but, I didn't. So yeah. Be happy you got all that :p Like Bella now? Still hate her? I'm sorry. There wasn't much action was there? It's been delayed till next chapter. Otherwise this would have been obscenely long. And I mean, obscenely! Please review. I'm not motivated to write more if you don't… ;(
That last bit? Or would it stop beating before he could… DUN DUN DUN! Okay, I'm not saying much. This doesn't mean that Lucie assumes she's going to be vampified (my computer seems to want to replace that almighty word with: amplified. But no. vampified is what I mean. I shall add it to my dictionary :p) No, that sentence can be interpreted different ways. But, just don't assume: Lucie will be a vampire noooo!! Okays? I still haven't decided what will happen regarding that, I only have ideas…. Which…. I shall not talk about :p
Okay, Lucie's father? Next chapter you'll see him in more depth. He seems happy here? Sadly that might not be the case next chapter, he's got a lot more to him than meets the eye… I would have written more on him in here, but, as you can see, this chapter is long. Now, I'm sorry, you don't hate me for dragging it out do you? Sorry if you find it slow moving. But I did have to use the description on these chapters, else the story wouldn't make much sense when proper action does happen :P
Did you like Edward and Lucie interaction? No? Yes? I put it in as requested because it was easy to write. Much easier than the Bella bit. So yeah. Sorry if it wasn't sufficient enough ;) It was important though, and adds a lot to this. What tune do you think Edward over heard when playing the piano? I'll say no more.
And Happy Easter people! I should hopefully update before then, but I'll say it just in case :p On Monday, I'm going on this Engineering course for four days. Sad, or what? I know, seems very geeky of me whatever, to do in my free time. My dad finally thinks I'm doing appropriate things in my free time (and by that he means: not locking myself in my room and demanding more books :p) But you want to know the real reason? Ha! Nothing science related at all, the only reason is so I can be with my best friend for 4 days, she was the one who came up with the idea, I don't see her too often, and so this was the perfect excuse to spend time with her! I mean come on! It's educational … ;)
Anyway. That's my excuse if I don't update. But. And there's a big but. If I get lots of reviews, well, then I'll be so motivated to write, you might receive an update earlier! Seriously people, I get so happy with reviews! I'm really sorry I couldn't reply to them last chapter, but I will this time. As long as my laptop behaves itself!
PLEASE review. Please? I'll beg? The review button's feeling neglected, I swear it! Just press it, say whatever you want. 'you're story sucks!' okay, admittedly, I'd prefer not to have that sort of review. But criticism? Feel free! Questions? Please ask! Threats? Go ahead! (I, for one, frequently threaten people in reviews. It's fun!)
Yup. I'm starting to sound a bit strange, and yush. A bit, is an understatement. But I'll stop babbling, you can review now! Review=much faster update. Come on, inspire me! My review count seems to have diminished slightly, I'll put it down to not giving out free-cyber-vamps. How about… if you review, not only do I update faster, but you get a free… Jasper? Or Edward? Your pick. No. You cannot have both.
Remember: PLEASE REVIEW! (Got that by now?)
Lily- who apologises (she seems to do that a lot..) about another A/N that probably wasted valuable time.