Heyyyssssssss (oooh… Snakey like greeting today huh?)
Oh poop. Poop. Poop. (did you know there are 5 different definitions behind the word poop? One being the raised area at the back of a ship. I won't state the others. :p) I've forgotten to add disclaimers on some… (Okay… alot) of my previous chapters. Now, this does not mean that I have suddenly begun thinking that I am Stephenie Meyer. I've just either forgotten, or got carried away when rambling on about something pointless :p
DISCLAIMER: No. I don't own Twilight. All characters, places and plots relating to the Twilight Saga belong to that darn lucky Stephenie Meyer. I am not Stephenie Meyer. If you think I am, then I advise you see a doctor, (not a fictitious vampiric one who goes by the name Carlisle…) and I'm sorry you've been under delusion for so long.
I'm REALLY sorry for the late update. I hate this chapter. *growls* I don't know why. I never do. I just hate it. Anyway, I'm really sorry for the late update, but in my defence… This chapter is long. Hope it was worth the wait! And on a brighter note, it's bank holiday weekend, so if by some miracle I get reviews quickly, then I'll update by Monday! Le gasp! So yup. Please review this chapter, even if you thought it was sucky like I did.
So I made a revelation. I was reading a fanfic just today, and in an A/N, someone commented on how they were sorry for how they'd babbled on. Yet, they only wrote 3 lines. I'm starting to get worried. So in this chapter, there is a significant decrease of babble. Instead, you've just got to read a freakishly long chapter. *Edit. There is babble. It just… came back at the end *sigh* sorry, sorry…*
And review-wise. WOW. Is my opinion. WOW. 606 reviews? Thanks a whole herd of nelephants! (Yeah. The n in front of elephants is intentional. You can ask why. But it's a long story…) Now, I was astounded and flattered to see how many people cared for the welfare of my stubbed toe. I had over 3 reviewers mentioning it. In case you were wondering, my toe is back to full health, and is cooperating with the rest of my foot perfectly.
What Happened Last Chapter:
And in that instant, I silently prayed that God could allow me just one tiny insight on her mind. What on earth could she be thinking? Repulsion at my cold skin? Hidden annoyance? Fear? Confusion?
She didn't seem to show any of those.
Yet I still couldn't understand her expression. I thought it could be something akin to the likes of what I was feeling, but quickly discarded the thought, that was impossible.
And then she said something so softly - before crumpling back into my arms again, her eyelids finally fluttering shut with the temptation of rest Jasper kept emitting - that I was unsure if I had heard it correctly.
I caught the last two words, mumbled slightly, as the fallen angel fell asleep in my arms. Into a dreamless sleep. One to which sadly, I could not follow.
"…Worth it."
***
The Art Of Delusion.
Lucie's POV:
Relief. Overwhelming, all encompassing relief was what I was feeling as I awoke. Of course, my first emotion was the ever present fear at what I'd just endured. I could remember where I was almost instantly. The sheer amount of horror pumping through my veins made my heart sprint and head spin; anger increased my pulse too, a livid fury at what Demetri had been planning to do to my father. The anger; the fear; the horror, and now ultimate confusion. But it - all of the emotions combined - soon melted away as I realised where I was.
There was that smell, that same aroma of honey and flowers, irresistibly potent. I think wanted to drown in it, and found it odd that I could smell it so strongly. Yet it was not overpowering, not sickly despite its potency. I don't think I'd ever get sick of that scent. Slowly though, as I awoke, my brain placed what scent it was. Whose scent it was. And it made sense to why I felt so odd, like I was floating, suspended by two hard stone bars. Strange bars though, I kept getting electric shocks from them. And then, then I understood where the hell I was.
In Edward's arms.
There was only one rational explanation.
"Am I dead?" I mused out loud; my words slurred slightly from the twilight sleep I was still experiencing, not yet awake. Unsure if I was dead, dreaming, or really in his arms. I hoped it was the last; though any would be okay. As long as I was with him.
And it was then that the relief had hit. And my heart had sprinted faster, beating furiously when I was so close to him. Safe. I opened one eye cautiously, expecting a blinding white light, though none came. It was sunrise; light was peaking through the canopy of threes above me, though I didn't see much of that though. I just saw him.
And he was staring at me. Staring at me with the same amount of intensity I was staring at him. I didn't care at that moment; I let my emotions free. I didn't care that there were others around us. I didn't care that there was still a prominent ache in my leg. I could barely feel it, with Edward's cold arms suspending me, his cold touch soothing. But that flame wasn't gone. The ardent fire was still there, the same that made me want to flinch and grip him tighter at the same time. And it wasn't even dim like it used to be. It was burning so brightly that I could feel it in his touch practically burning me.
I could barely gasp out my words.
"What happened?"
I really didn't even care for the answer. It just seemed prudent to say something when I was staring at him like this. I could feel my eyelids flutter slightly in a battle against consciousness. And then it hit me. I mean, I did know where I was, but it was then that I felt the full impact. I was lying there, suspended by him. For once I didn't care to push away or protest, my heart pulsed furiously, and I sated into his topaz eyes, surprised to see him looking at me in the same way. As if he was trying to memorize my features, as I was doing to his. But His hair was swept back from running, and I couldn't help it when I stopped breathing. He was breathtaking.
"If I'm to be correct," He mused softly, refusing to avert my gaze, "you single handily managed to get rid of both Victoria and Demetri in one shot; nearly got yourself killed in the process; shortly fainted from lack of blood that is still coursing down your leg and arms; and finally got to have the pleasure of me suspending you." He smiled a crooked smile, and my breathing hitched again, my heart was thumping loudly, one hundred and eighty degrees from what it was like previously, beating in fear. But I thought about what he was saying. I thought about the truth of his words, I had fainted, though he didn't know the cause for that was seeing Demetri's past. I couldn't reveal that. And I suppose I was bleeding too, I my arms felt sore from where Demetri had gripped me. But still, it was the last statement that caught my attention. Despite everything, the result was this. Here. Safe. With Edward.
I had to tell him. I had to say something to prove my gratitude. Because all of that - the pain, horror and fear - was worth it. I'd do it again to be allowed to stay with the Cullens. I didn't think I ever wanted to leave. And I didn't care that I was in danger. I had to tell him, though as I parted my lips, trying to speak, I suddenly felt a wave of drowsiness hit.
Jasper. I could tell it was him, no one felt immensely tired when they were in Edward Cullen's arms. I wanted to growl at Jasper, but he wasn't in my line of slight to glare at. And there as no way I was going to avert my eyes from Edward. But still, I felt annoyance. Why was he trying to send me to sleep? I really didn't want to at the movement. I didn't want to miss another second. Humans wasted half there life to sleep. And now, with Edward, I'd never wanted to sleep less.
But my eyelids fluttered then against my will. It was like trying to stay awake though a really good film at night. Where you feel yourself flop slightly and know you're going to fall asleep. I widened them furiously. I was not going to go to sleep! I decided just to stare at Edward. Willing him to keep me awake, if only he'd keep taking. The silence was worse for this. I almost felt bad for Jasper, it must have been pretty strenuous trying to send me to sleep like this, I was being very stubborn.
I suddenly had the most peculiar vision of Jasper glowering at me, his face glistening in sweat. It was only after a second that I realised vampires couldn't sweat and suddenly I wanted to huff. That was disappointing. It had been a funny sight as well.
But I wasn't going to feel sorry for Jasper. He had no right to make me feel tired. I was perfectly capable of being awake.
But I felt myself crumple again. I couldn't fight it anymore. I just knew I had to say something. I had to prove that all of the suffering didn't matter. I knew what I wanted to say: It was all worth it. But as my eyelids fluttered shut, the temptation of sleep hitting me with too much force. I could only mumble the words. Half unsure to whether I wanted Edward to hear them.
"…Worth it."
And it was.
***
I was trying to open my eyes. I could feel voices above me, agitated ones. They didn't make much sense to me; I wondered how much of the conversation I'd missed. The first voice I registered was high and fast.
"What happened with her father?" Someone sighed at that. It was what I felt like doing. If only I could see…
"He won't tell her about his sleeping patterns or her mother's past. But… he was cryptic even in thoughts, I didn't see much when I was there, I just heard him thinking that he thought keeping her ignorant was safest."
"Hmm, for some reason Edward, that sounds oddly familiar." The high pitched one chucked lightly, I frowned, unsure of what she was implying, and too distracted to procure and fit the information from my haphazard mind. Getting steadily more frustrated at why I couldn't see. I mean, I could hear, I could feel. But I couldn't see. Someone else joined in with the laughter, a deep brass voice fitting to the shrill yet melodic soprano.
"Ring any bells Edward?" There was a sound I perceived to be a grunt then.
"When is she going to wake up?" The anxiousness was back.
"Soon Edward." A pause.
"I'll keep her asleep until Carlisle comes to treat her; she's had quite an ordeal." I now know who that was. And steadily began to feel cross. I was perfectly eligible to wake up. What ordeal did I have anyway? Ugh. Confusion sucks.
"Get Carlisle Edward, she's about to wake up. I need to get the bags!" I felt like frowning again, the high voice, which I now assumed was Alice's, sounded enthusiastic about something. And wait; was I the 'she' here? Carefully, I tried to open my eyes again, surprised at when I succeeded.
I was sitting on the sofa; well lying on a sofa to be more apt. Sitting was what I did next. Esme was on my left and Jasper at the door, they were both watching me in earnest. Though Jasper was staring at me with an odd expression, like I was about to start screaming. Esme smiled when I caught her eye. But they were the only two in the room, Edward and Alice were no where to be seen.
"Is everything… okay?" I said warily, Esme looked shocked at this, and Jasper frowned. I resisted the urge to growl at Jasper. I mean, he was the soul point for most of my confusion. Couldn't he change that? Manipulate my confusion into, I don't know, euphoria? I could use some euphoria; I hadn't felt truly happy in a while. Apart from when you woke up in Edward's arms. My mind mocked me silently.
"Are you okay Lucie?" Esme murmured quietly, bringing out of my mental rant. But I didn't answer. Because I could remember. It was just easier to hold up a pretence that I didn't for a while. I decided to pretend as if the experience had been hazy. Like I couldn't remember each word Demetri had whispered to me with perfect Clarity. Like I hadn't been gripped by him. Like I couldn't remember screaming. And like I knew nothing of his and my talk; the one which he'd sworn to make me pay if I repeated…
"I'm fine." I said, with what I hoped was a reassuring smile in Esme's direction. My voice didn't give me away, but I refused to make eye contact when I said it. There was a sound at the door then, and I turned to who had entered the room swiftly.
"Hey Luce! You're alive," Emmett's voice boomed next to me, I frowned, blinking profusely and promptly feeling silly for doing so. Blinking had not improved my sight - I'd been lying on the Cullens' sofa, the afghan quilt draped over my shoulders - that hadn't changed. Everyone else had tense expressions, each anxious, and yet here Emmett was, unperturbed as ever by the situation. I shook my head slightly, feeling a bit dazed.
"You seem a bit confused, Luce, hit your head much?" He joked. Confused? I was in a room surrounded by anxious faces when my last memory was of half bleeding to death in the forest. Of course I was flipping confused!
"'Confused' is officially the understatement of the century." I muttered crossly. Emmett just grinned. And my tense anger just disappeared, as I felt a warm smile fall across my lips, despite my confusion and previous annoyance. Emmett always seemed to be able to do that; in many ways, he was as good at changing my emotions as Jasper's was. Not to mention, one a hell of a lot more subtle about it. I remembered how Jasper had controlled my feelings earlier, when I'd awoken in Edward's arms, and frowned slightly at the memory.
Was it just me, or was Jasper constantly sending me to sleep recently?
"Erm, Luce…" Emmett said. His voice sounded suspicious. I snapped my eyes back to him, raising my eyebrows. "You know Alice…"
"Yes Emmett. Surprising I do know Alice; I didn't hit my head that bad." I said sarcastically. Emmett ignored my sarcasm and continued. I saw Esme smile out of the corner of my eye. Suspicion lay thick on the air.
"She," Hang on, why was Emmett grinning? "Well don't freak out or anything, but seeing as your clothes were kind of bloody and all…" Oh crud no. I really hoped he wasn't implying what I thought he was implying. He pointed to something behind him instead of talking further. Warily I looked over his shoulder to where he was pointing.
"Alice goes sort of crazy with clothes." Emmett said matter-of-factly as he nodded to the pile of bags, the sort of which where the material of them (I could see from here that they were silk again, and promptly changed my shocked expression into a glower) was probably more expensive than anything I'd ever bought. Emmett was grinning beside me but I continued to glare at the pile disapprovingly.
"Crazy doesn't cover it." I muttered darkly.
"She likes shopping; that's probably why." Emmett continued conversationally, though I knew he was trying not to laugh at my expression.
"A flipping Shopping Nazi." I muttered again, oh crud. I said it out loud. Esme giggled slightly, an odd sound to what she was normally like. But it was soon masked by Emmett's voice.
That did it for Emmett. Quite literally. The awkward silence that had briefly appeared was broken as he guffawed in laughter, and he couldn't manage only to choke out any coherent words after that. I felt humiliation stain my face a deep red as it burned. This was great. Just great. If I'd only kept my mouth shut, this wouldn't have been happening…
"How exactly," floated a melodic voice from the doorway, the voice I could detect any where and still recognise it. The same voice I'd awoken to, the velvet symphony that fit perfectly to his stupidly perfect face. "is Alice, at all alike to Hitler's followers?" I thought my face couldn't have turned any redder. But no, it could. I wondered if I was verging on tomato-esque yet… "Carlisle's just trying to do some research," Edward informed Esme and Jasper. Not me. He seemed to try not look at me.
So I did the same.
I didn't want to look at him. Not when I knew how my feelings could escape. My stupid, unrequited feelings. How close I'd been to showing him earlier. When the bottled up emotions had barely been controlled by Jasper's power. I focused sharply on something else; Emmett was still laughing. I felt a strong urge to prove Edward wrong. His superior tone and indifference was annoying to say the least.
"I meant Nazi as in a bossy person." I said indignantly turning to Edward in time to see his smirk. That was odd. Why was he smirking? I'd just proved him wrong. And why had Emmett's laughter suddenly increased in amplitude? The soprano voice answered all of my questions.
"Lucie, did you just call me bossy?" Alice hopped into view from behind the door, scowling disapprovingly. Then scoping up all three (ridiculous I say, no one needs three silk bags of clothes…) of the shopping bags in unison, whilst muttering something about me not appreciating the art of fashion. "Now." She said in a commanding tone. I was prepared for the worst. "Come with me Lucie, Carlisle needs to tend your to your erm," She grimaced as her eyes raked my arms then. "… scratches." I didn't want to look at my arms, the injuries on them were sure to prompt my thoughts of earlier. And I couldn't remember those.
Not unless I wanted to start shaking in fear again.
Somehow I was moving towards the kitchen, Alice was scarily strong just to make me move by pulling my wrists, and somehow managed to carry all the bags. It was unnatural for someone of her size to have so much power. We were just at the foot of the Cullens' staircase, I knew that Carlisle's study was up there, when Alice abruptly stopped, her body turn rigid.
It took me roughly two seconds to realise she was having a vision. It didn't last long, only a matter of seconds, but she had an odd expression that I couldn't describe on her face as she turned lithely, a quick pirouette in which her hair bounced on her head.
She let out a small noise then, a delicate snort.
Again. To say I was confused was an understatement.
"Alice, I need to speak with Lucie." Said a voice behind me, curt and formal. I turned sharply - and a lot less gracefully than Alice had done I might add - whilst Alice muttered something that I couldn't hear.
"Two minutes." She trilled before dashing off to do what ever small pixie like vampires did in their free time. I found myself frowning after her.
"Lucie," Edward started his voice still formal. It irked me. I hated him when he was like this; formality was only one step up from arrogance in my book. He stepped towards me; I watched the movement through wary eyes.
"What?" I mirrored his same indifferent tone. Wondering if what I'd experienced before had only been a dream. To think I imagined he looked at me that way. It was preposterous. My imagination was getting ridiculous.
"Look," He sighed in frustration slightly, running his fingers though his bronze hair, making it look even more messy than usual. But still perfect. The movement stopped my thoughts slightly, despite myself, I found myself admiring his hair. But I stopped as soon as he spoke again, shutting my parted slips firmly into a hard line. "Just come with me for a second. You're acting oddly since you've woken up. You might have concussion." Again, his tone was formal, almost medical. He was looking at me critically, I crossed my arms over my chest, well aware of how petulant I was now looking. Concussion?
I glared at him.
Very funny Edward. Very funny.
"I do not have concussion." I said through gritted teeth.
"You might." He insisted. His eyes were darker than before, tawny as apposed to topaz. And his mood mirrored that.
"Well I don't." I said indignantly, "If I had concussion; then I'd be forgetful, and yet I can remember everything…" But my voice lost all power as it trailed off. I couldn't let anyone know how much I knew. How much I could remember. Maybe I would have to pretend I had concussion. The thought of that was daunting. I knew very well I couldn't act like that…
He took me then, by the arm gently but forcefully when I didn't react. Towing me upstairs, and turning sharply when he'd found me frozen. He'd barely touched the exposed skin on my forearm. Maybe it was because of how cold it was. Maybe my stupid brain related that to the clammy feel. I didn't know. But I did know why I was frozen. Because all the air left me. I felt like I'd been winded. Staring in horror at my arm as if it'd sprouted tentacles.
It was a sharp pain, physically hurting like he'd rubbed salt into the gashes on my arms. But he hadn't. They remained closed. Physically; I was fine. Mentally… (Well mentally was another term completely, implying something far too detailed about my sanity then I'd like to admit) but emotionally… I didn't want to know how I was feeling emotionally. I forced back the thoughts again. The horrible sense of reminiscence that I couldn't afford to feel.
Because I knew that emotionally; I was falling apart.
"Lucie?" His velvet voice whispered anxiously. The formal façade slipped, but now I wished he was still indifferent. I didn't want him to worry. It took a while to reach me. I planted a smile on my face, forcing on a blasé look. Trying to cover up the feeling I'd just had. And the memory associated with it. Slowly, I let out a small shaky laugh.
"Sorry, just a déjà vu moment." I said flippantly. Making to walk away and suddenly wishing Alice would demand to give me a makeover. I was that desperate to get away. Trying not to let the memories engulf me again.
Edward was not fooled.
I couldn't help my expression, it slowly transformed into a grimace as Edward stared at me, slowly trailing down to the arm I'd drawn back. His expression was calm, but his mouth was a grim line. Cautiously - before I could understand what he was doing - he took my wrists, and inspected my arms, inhaling sharply with breath he didn't need at what he saw. I saw myself in the mirror behind him, and understood his intake of breath.
I then promptly grimaced at my reflection; I always did. At least that hadn't changed. I mean, it wasn't like I'd have a near death experience, see my reflection and suddenly think: wow, I look gorgeous. No. Quite the opposite in fact. No such thing happened. I was grimacing, I looked worse than usual. The purplish shadows under my eyes were a prominent feature against my pale skin. My face itself, was undamaged, though more pasty than usual. I had little blood in my cheeks, so usually red from humiliation or embarrassment. I held in a gasp though, my face looked so hollow. Sallow cheeks reminded me that I hadn't been eating enough recently.
He was staring at the cuts down my arms, the blood was dried on them merely a dark red crust, but there were still red lines from where Victoria's nails had scratched me. It wasn't the scratches however, that Edward was staring at. There were bruises too. Bruises from where Demetri had gripped me; constricted me. I shivered slightly at the memory, and my breathing became erratic again, preparing for another tumult of pain to hit. No such pain came. I was safe, I reminded myself. There was no need to act so pathetic, I thought with a scowl.
"Lucie…" He breathed, his voice catching as he traced one slender finger over a purplish bruise on my arm, the same imprint of Demetri's hands. His voice held too much ardency, he cared too much. The formal and indifferent attitude had vanished. "Who did this?" His voice was a mixture of horror and rage. I flinched slightly, not at his tone, but at his touch, and felt awful when I met his martyred stare. I couldn't let anyone do that though, I couldn't let my thoughts rule over what I said. It was better to forget what Demetri had threatened. I just had to keep quiet. Lie low.
"I-I… need to see Carlisle." I muttered quickly, stumbling in my haste to get away from Edward. He was too close to revealing what Demetri had told me. I moved quickly past him, he didn't stop me. I knew he felt hurt at my flinch, probably assuming it was some aversion to his temperature. But it wasn't that. I just had to get away as I half stumbled up the stairs. Feeling his affronted eyes following my back.
I felt like I was going to collapse. Real tiredness was affecting me now. Weighed down with too much fear. I turned the corridor at a run, desperate to find the cause of what the dreams I had were, and to get away from Edward. I couldn't let anyone find out about how much I knew about Demetri.
I knew who I had to see.
Carlisle.
I only hoped he could help.
Else the chaos would only increase.
***
"Carlisle," I hedged warily, "I need to talk to you…"I was at the doorway, unsure whether to enter or not. He looked up from his books, a surprised look on his face when his butterscotch eyes met mine. It was odd, Carlisle's eyes always seemed to be the brightest gold when I saw them, I think it was due to his medical background. He worked with patients every day, resisting their blood and tending to their wounds. He'd brought compassion from his previous life as a human, and had committed himself not to feel tempted by human blood, controlling the bloodlust. I knew all this. And yet it still seemed odd to place the words vampire and doctor together.
He looked mildly surprised though, evidently having been too immersed in his book to notice my arrival. Hmm. Maybe I was getting better at the whole-moving-really-silently thing.
"What can I help you with Lucie?" He said calmly, closing his book and gesturing a chair. I sat down willingly, (I was more tired than I was willing to admit) but couldn't fight off the feeling, as I sat down in the arm chair, that I was like a patient seeing a psychologist. There were lots of similarities. After all, Carlisle was a doctor; this stupid chair seemed far too professional to be a mere reading chair and the subject I had in mind, was rather obscure.
"Carlisle…" I began again for a second time, unsure of how to phrase what I wanted to know, and once more resisting the horrible sensations of fear that threatened to envelope me. Eventually, I just sighed, deciding just to be blunt. "What do you know about hypoglycaemia?" I asked hesitantly. Carlisle's eyes widened slightly and then his expression furrowed slightly, already ahead of me no doubt, in thought. He sighed slightly and looked at me after a brief pause.
"A lot; what do you want to know?" I smiled slightly, glad that he knew, and wondered briefly if I should know more about the subject, or if would be better left unsaid.
As usual, curiosity got the better of me.
"The basics." I said in a gush, Carlisle nodded thoughtfully.
"Well, hypoglycaemia is basically a medical condition of having an unusually low level of sugar in the blood, it's a pathologic state produced by a lower than normal level of glucose. The term the term hypoglycaemialiterally means 'under-sweet blood.'" I nodded, waiting for more when he stopped. I understood what he said; still, it didn't help me. He continued eagerly, I could tell Carlisle liked his job, and there was no denying how darn clever he was. His appearance always swayed me, looking far less than thirty. I did of course; know that this was not the case at all. Carlisle was over 300 years old, his physical age forever stuck at 23. His appearance was probably a shock to why he sounded oh-so-very-wise. I realised Carlisle was staring at me whilst I'd been thinking. And stupidly, I blushed in embarrassment. Discarding the errant thoughts.
"Sorry," I said, he smiled gently.
"It is this, I presume," Carlisle said quietly, "what you think is causing these vivid dreams of yours?" I frowned as I watched Carlisle's expression, I couldn't help it. He was still waiting patiently, and eventually, I succumbed, letting out a gust of air. "
Yeah, that's why I want to know." I stared at my hands, now a knotted fist.
"Where did you hear it before?" My stomach clenched, Demetri's threat hanging on the air. I couldn't tell anyone without getting them hurt. I thought ruefully, it would have been annoying, if it weren't for the fact that I was too scared to feel an emotion such as annoyance at this moment.
"A book…" I hedged. Carlisle raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but otherwise let the subject drop. I was glad he did not pry.
"To be honest Lucie…" He sighed again. "I don't think your visions are all to account for that. Hypoglycaemia is a common condition for those who are diabetic, you're not and-"
"Wait," I cut him off slowly, though I wasn't objecting to what he was saying. "How do you know I'm not diabetic?" To my surprise, Carlisle gave a half wry, half apologetic smile.
"I've checked your health records Lucie, just in case anything would become a problem, with you staying here a lot and all," I grimaced, I'd forgotten how much of a burden I must have become to him and Esme. They were both so willing and kind, never complaining, and yet I did this, practically living here (despite my feeble requests) almost certainly being a pain. Carlisle noticed my expression instantly and backtracked. "Not that we don't want you here Lucie. I'm just a curious person, sorry if it felt like I was intruding, for the record, you seem to be in perfect health."
I smiled slightly, satisfied enough by his reassurances. He carried on, soon sounding more like a medical professional than I'd ever heard him. "Many of the classic signs of low blood sugar - including shakiness, light-headedness, dizziness, confusion, rapid heartbeat, irritability and extreme hunger - can occur during the day or at night. Night-time hypoglycaemia has also been known to cause night-sweats, headaches, restless sleep and nightmares."
I just nodded, trying to hide my confusion, but Carlisle saw through that quickly, I sighed again. I seemed to be doing that a lot today.
"I don't have that…" I said quietly, "I mean the shakiness; maybe. The dizziness-" I thought about Edward's dark eyes and my entwined fingers shook slightly, I clenched my fist tighter. Yes, I was sky, but that wasn't because of this stupid hypogly-thing. "Well yes the dizziness maybe, but not because of this. No night-sweats or extreme hunger. The restless sleep and nightmares are a definite though." I rounded off, watching Carlisle's reaction carefully.
"Yes, I suspected that." He frowned then, and began rummaging through a pile of papers on his desk, still talking, in a quick fervent voice. "I don't think you've got hypoglycaemia Lucie, from Edward's description, your dreams for one; are far too accurate and detailed for the normal affect of this. And as for the other symptoms that you seem to be lacking… well, they're pretty essential to it all. And the fact that you're not experiencing them just proves further to my suspicion that you don't have hypoglycaemia-"
"Is that good?" I said quietly, "That I don't have it, I mean." He frowned slightly, looking towards me slowly.
"In many ways; yes. It is. But it all depends on what you do have. I've never be much of an expert on the subject of dreams, and so I don't really know much." He admitted, frowning at not knowing. "But we can't rule out completely that you don't have this Lucie. You could simply have a very weak version, in which case we don't need to worry at all regarding your health." I thought of something then. Demetri's words rang in my head eerily; my knuckles were white from how tightly I was clenching my double fist, unwilling to relive the memory.
Why each seems so real? You inherited that from your father. Your actual gift allowing you to see people's past is different. Aro knows all about that one.
His words hadn't made sense at the time to me, my mind drunk on fear and horror at the thought of my father getting involved in the mess. But now they did. Demetri had been saying that my dreams were inherited from my father. Did that mean he had them too? His last words were scaring me however. Him saying that my 'gift' to see people's past was different. And that Aro knew about it.
"Oh, and Carlisle?" I asked though he didn't look up from the books that he was now staring at intently, scouring each page in less than a second with his golden eyes.
"Hmm?"
"Can this - Hypoglycaemia - can it be… inherited?" If it could. Then I would believe Demetri. If not, then I would just have to deal with not knowing.
"No. It develops in the individual person, why do you ask?" I just shook my head. Unsure to what I'd wanted the outcome to be.
"Nothing, just wondering." I made to stand up. Carlisle had helped to an extent. But not much. I think I'd already known before confronting him that medical science could not cure nor pin point the reason for my dreams. I was about to walk out the room when I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder. I cringed slightly, his hand was close to where Demetri had gripped me, a purple bruise lay underneath the thin fabric. I averted my thoughts from that.
"I don't think you have Hypoglycaemia Lucie, but your visions-" My glare cut him off. I hated people calling them visions. They simply weren't reliable enough to be called that. "Dreams- have become more frequent, because of the lack of sugar. But that's easily remedied."
He smiled then, and it was one that could put dentists to shame. "I think it's high time Esme got back in the kitchen."
I wasn't going to protest to that.
***
Bella's POV: *gasps* ( For all you confuzzeled people; this was during the time in which Lucie was having that good old catch up with dearest Demetri, and then awaking at sunrise :p)
I don't know how it all came to this.
I, Isabella Marie Swan, am pathetic. A word, I think, that I will use more frequently to describe myself.
I don't know what deduced me to this, as I sat here, quivering, as the tears fell. Unable to control or stop the sobs and raging guilt, more paramount than ever in its density. I was only vaguely aware of what my body was doing as I drew in each painful breath, ragged and coarse, the act seemingly burning my lungs. As if I was unworthy even to breathe. I didn't doubt that. What was I doing? Shaking? Shuddering? Trembling?
Pathetic.
I think it was a combination of the three. I couldn't see, my vision was blurred by the tears, and my brown hair was strewn and stuck across my face. Plastered to my forehead by a combination of cold sweat, and tears that continued to course down my cheeks. But I didn't make a move to push it away, partially because my fingers were shaking, but also because I needed my hair there. It acted as a shield, a soft veil in which people couldn't see my expression, torn in terrible anguish. They didn't have to suffer. They shouldn't have to suffer. I shouldn't have even been like this. Curled up stiffly, too scared to face anything, and refusing to confront my problems.
Still. I don't know how it all came down to this.
The memory of what I'd just endured threatened to overcome me again. I fought it stubbornly, trying to think of other reasons for my position. Anything to distract myself from the dream. And the thoughts that arose with it. I listened - with abnormal intensity - to the steady beat of the clock on the wall, regular like a heartbeat, each toll signifying a second that had passed. Time was erratic; the clock disagreed with my thought, proving that each second lasted the same amount. But to me, time wasn't acting correctly. Now, time seemed to have thickened, moving at a sluggish pace, and yet before it had been exceptionally quickly, almost running out. It was erratic. Time was hell. That was the only way I could describe the minutes that passed, each drew strength from me. I was sure if I stayed for an hour I would be drained from anything remotely strong completely. I didn't open my eyes. Just listened to it attentively, willing the soft thuds to drown out my thoughts.
And it wasn't working.
I gasped as I drew my knees up to my chest, holding myself together like I had done so many times before. I'd thought those days had passed. The despair eradicated.
Of course; I was wrong.
The hole was still there, slowly tearing me apart as I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to faint then. To not feel what I was feeling now. Oblivion was fine compared to this; I think I could quite easily endure the killer headache that followed. But I knew fainting wouldn't help me.
I suppose it had started because of her. Luciana Raven. The mysterious girl that had suddenly appeared in my life, seemingly trailing chaos behind her. Seemingly. Not really. She was only unearthing my own chaos that I'd buried. Myself too unwilling to admit or face up to it.
I still wish now that it could have remained hidden.
Because I'm pathetic like that.
I'd been stupid. Callous and impertinent at first when around her, though admittedly, not without a cause. I hadn't meant to be mean. And it'd emotionally taken more out of me than it had been worth. I wasn't used to being like that. I was, literally, a push over. I forgave people almost instantly; grudges had never been my thing. But I'd tried - physically tried - to be like that around her, brash and remote. If I'd predicted what could happen then I would have done the opposite. But I wasn't Alice. I couldn't predict things like that. So I'd had to deal with my actions - my stupid impetuous actions - each seemingly progressing in levels of torment and inanity.
I'd resented her. She came to Forks much like I had. The same sort of situation; shy and trying to divert attention from herself. Most people didn't notice this, but I did, simply because I knew what it felt like first hand. In many ways, Lucie and I were very alike, and yet in others, we were completely different. She hadn't chosen her arrival to Forks at the best time for me. I'd been having a bad week, more guilt stricken than usual about the situation I seemed eternally stuck in. But then she'd arrived, and at first I'd been grateful. Since I'd officially been with Edward the sheep like males (a certain Mike in particular) had backed off considerably. Not however, completely.
She was beautiful; I couldn't deny that. It was a subtle beauty though; she was what I would consider plain at a first glance, much like how I would rank myself. Her clothes showed nothing of her figure, slender and small. Drab and plain, dark colours meant to detract attention. It was how I used to dress. Until Alice of course… Her hair wasn't at all like Rosalie's blonde, more golden then blonde in fact. Nor was she like Rosalie at all really. Rosalie held an undeniable splendour in the way she looked, held herself and spoke. This girl hadn't, despite her good looks, that she was unaware of. I knew she thought along the same lines. Herself being too modest to understand that she was pretty. As I'd been. As I still was. Though it wasn't modesty that stopped me judging my appearance. Because in all truthfulness; I was plain.
It just happened that werewolves and vampires seemed to ban that word.
What luck.
But with her arrival, the attention that had been forced upon me lessened somewhat. To say I was grateful to the new girl had been an understatement at the time. I knew she hadn't liked it, with Mike following her eagerly, sickeningly like a Golden retriever, attracted to her like a lion to meat. Disgusting really. I felt sorry for her, evidently uncomfortable with the attention, and I noticed instantly that she looked troubled.
Yet her trouble to me at the time had seemed like nothing in comparison to my own. I'd only recently had Edward back. Saved (to find lack of a better description, because I really don't count what I did in Volterra as saving) him from the Volturi, and changed his initial plan of what he'd set out to achieve.
Suicide.
More tears slipped from my face at this thought. But relentlessly, I continued with my quest to find out what had caused this. Gripping my sides tighter, as my mind chanted the truth to me quietly. Anything not to remember the dream…
Like I'd said, Edward and I had only just been reunited. And it was at that point, that the guilt had sunk in. The sunny days with Jacob felt like a black mark against my name whenever I looked at him. I was unable to hide my guilt completely. And forever felt lucky that he couldn't read my mind.
Now though, I wished he could. I wished he could read my mind with the uttermost clarity; find out what I was too afraid to admit to him. And stop treating me like the saint he thought I was. I wished he could shout at me; hate me for how I was. But he wouldn't. He was Edward. Perfect, undeniably brilliant Edward. He was what I hoped to see each day, his ethereally beautiful face, forever looking like he'd just stepped out of one of Michael Angelo's David paintings. His flawless voice was as supple as velvet. The perfect symphony of sounds and the same one that sung me to sleep each night. The man that I loved, as he loved me.
And I didn't deserve any of it.
And all of this. Brought the memories back, I hugged my legs tighter to my chest again, feeling so much like I had done so before.
Hollow. Empty. Dead.
Jacob had saved me from that. And that's how things had come to this, to an extent anyway. Jacob had cared for me when I was most vulnerable. I hadn't realised his affection for me at first, stayed in denial as long as possible. But eventually I'd succumbed. Jacob was my Jacob. Not the obnoxious arrogant Jacob he'd been on the rare occasions he'd met Edward, but the sweet and compassionate Jacob. The one I loved.
And there it was. I loved him. I loved Jacob and Edward both. My heart was torn, and I couldn't for the life of me decide. I didn't deserve either; it was probably what I'd end up with. And then the fear would come. The fear of being alone. Which should have been inevitable considering how I was acting. There was a thin line between the whole fiasco. My 'secret' to use a derogatory term, had been on that line. Simply relying on either Edward or Jacob to unearth the reason behind my expression and to realise the truth beneath the troubled looks.
But not when she'd come. Since Lucie had arrived, the whole thing had become more complex. Yes. I'd been stupid, brash in my actions towards her. She'd been getting close to Edward, and I'd been nothing short of terrified. I reacted instinctively, trying to scare her off in short; not realising at the time that this only intrigued her further. I'd thought she was trying to take Edward (as ludicrous as it sounded) away from me. I couldn't help but make comparisons. I've been constantly referred to as beautiful since I met both Jake and Edward, but they've been blinded by love. Lucie was definitely pretty in ways I was not. Her movements were not so uncoordinated, she could easily walk across a flat plain without tripping up, she was not graceful so to speak; or at least, not graceful when it came to the Cullens' standards. But she was more so than me. (And yes, I am aware that this was not particularly hard…) Plus, she was intelligent, that was for certain. I'd always been pretty awful at calculus - it was one of the only classes in which Edward couldn't arrange to be with me - I was half grateful for this. I didn't really want Edward seeing how bad I was at it; even though he already knew with his fruitless efforts of trying to teach me it at home.
And that's where Lucie came in. She was good at maths; really good. In fact, she was very smart when it came to most things. Now of course, I knew that was partially due to her ability to see people's pasts, but all the same, even without her gift, it was clear she was bright. She sat next to him in maths; Edward had informed me when I asked what she was thinking with a cryptic: 'she's mysterious,' type response. And again, it was stupid, but something had clicked then, I knew Edward could not read her mind. And in that realisation, I had felt a spark of invidiousness towards her. The one thing that made me different from everyone else was that factor, and to find out that someone else shared this glitch was like a slap in the face. I almost felt jealously because of that. Almost. If it hadn't been for the fact that I was already to guilt stricken and paranoid about how my life (and the people I loved in it) was running, I could have been. But as it was, even then I was too inflicted to feel any such emotion.
Still, she was getting too close to the Cullens. Alice especially, who had talked to her a lot, refusing to answer the unsaid questions as to why. Alice. I missed Alice. I missed her soprano chirpy voice and hyper moods; her insistent demands to torture me with clothes; her quick wit and ability to talk back to Edward. But ever since Lucie had arrived, Alice had been acting oddly around me. Part of me suspected she knew about my situation, which did not help at all with the guilt issue. But she didn't say anything if this was the case, which only heightened my confusion. She still talked to me whenever we were close. She was still the Alice I loved and the sister I'd never had. And I could only hope it would stay that way.
But back to Lucie. It had just escalated from that point onwards, I cringed the memory of the meadow. Not because of how she'd acted, I mean I did slap her. But because of Edward's reaction - a reaction I knew he sorely regretted - he'd hurt her, to protect me. Not even to protect me really, to avenge me. Again, this didn't help with my guilt at all. Then, I knew why she could relate to the Cullens so easily, why she wasn't fazed about them. She'd seen my past. This in itself, had come as such a shock, my first and foremost reaction was pity. I didn't want anyone to feel how I'd felt in those weeks when I didn't have Edward, (and not yet realised about Jacob) it was the darkest time in my life, the memory of it often sent me on the verge of tears. Again. Pathetic. But after that, the pity had died, and was replaced by irrational anger. Because she knew. She knew I loved both Jacob and Edward, and she could tell Edward in a heartbeat. And so I'd tried to keep her away, even resulting to threatening her, it had been deplorable really from me, just one mistake after another…
Eventually, I understood. I'd underestimated Lucie - the mysterious girl who'd seemingly sauntered over to Forks - completely, and I'd been so caught up in my own troubles, deceit and guilt, I hadn't realised what it was about her that made her so different. It was something so subtle; no normal person would pick up on it. The way she held herself sometimes, the small movements and change in expression, they meant something and were noticeable to me. The ones that orientated around her past. It was as if she didn't want to remember…
I was brought out of my thoughts then, sharply into reality. I'd forgotten where I was, curled into a soft ball on Jacob's sofa, unwilling to unwind my arms from my chest, thinking I'd shatter in doing so.
I didn't realise the tears were falling hot a thick down my cheeks until one single russet finger caught one, balancing the pearl drop of moisture - shimmering in the dawn light - on it carefully, before his warm hands cupped my face. His smell came to me, the same mix of the woodsy musky scent you associated with the forest. It suited him perfectly, and it was a scent I coveted. Edward's scent was entirely different. More potent in some ways, an irresistible allure, a drug. I thought about what Jacob had told me only yesterday. The words still rang clear in my head with perfect clarity, so unlike everything else which was just hazy to me.
"You need to understand Bella. I don't care anymore, I know you love him. You fell in love with him and when he left; you fell apart. But you still held onto any shred of hope, clinging to him desperately, because that's who you are Bella. I can sympathise; I'd do the same with you. But he's like a drug to you. And you're addicted,"
He'd teased me about being a druggie then, always carefree and light around me, despite his seriousness, he'd made me smile that day. It was a talent he seemed to possess over many other people, making me smile. A proper smile, devoid of guilt and fear. He was never arrogant like he used to be, not since I'd told him I returned his feelings. Not realising the consequences that would follow.
"I don't care though. Because as long as you love me Bella, I'll stay by you, I always will. Don't ever doubt that. I love you more than anything, and I don't care if I have to fight through hell itself to save you, if I have to fight through hoards of flipping stinking bloodsuckers to be with you, because I'll always be there for you Bella. I'll never let you go, always wanting you back… always."
A hot cascade of tears fell at this, at remembering the sincerity of his words, so filled with devotion and honesty it had made my heart stutter, feeling like it would break. I didn't need that to happen again. I couldn't help the tears that fell though; they were unstoppable. I didn't deserve what he'd said. I didn't then and I never would.
"Bella, look at me." I wasn't sure how long ago he'd said that. I was still lost in thought, he'd pushed my hair out of my face - and somehow - I was in his arms as he angled my face towards his, a careful notion, like he was afraid I'd shatter. I hated to admit that's how I felt. I did look at him though, I owed him that much. He sighed when he saw my expression and instantly I wished I'd averted my gaze. "Please, tell me what's wrong." He begged quietly, and the fervour in his dark eyes took me aback.
"I-I… there's nothing Jake." I mumbled, ugh! Even my voice was feeble and pathetic. Jacob seemed to agree, his dark eyes twinkled as he muttered to me.
"Don't lie Bella; you know you suck at it." He was right. I did suck at lying. So why couldn't Edward see my heart was torn? Why hadn't he figured it out yet?
But I already knew the answer: Because he loves you. And love turns you blind. I turned my eyes back to Jacob - still staring at me, uncharacteristically patient for my answer, which was the opposite of his normally hasty words and actions that followed. I hated to do this. But I couldn't tell him. Not because I didn't trust Jacob, and not even because of Edward. But because the reason for my tears wasn't them specifically, it was something I couldn't tell them. Not unless I wanted them to get hurt too.
I'd forgotten he was still waiting for an answer, so I just shook my head sadly (hoping it would suffice, and silently praying him to not pry further. Because if he wanted the truth he wouldn't be able to draw it out of me. There's only so much pressure one can take.) And leant against him, inhaling his scent and drying my tears against his chest, practically radiating heat.
"I don't deserve you Jake…" I whispered, my voice came out rough and hoarse from crying. He picked up my face again, hot fingers cradling my numb cheeks as he stared into my eyes. I looked at him properly then. His defined features, the shaggy hair that was down to his chin again, all because he thought I preferred it long. I tried to stop the tears, I felt stupid for being so emotional, but I couldn't. They continued to fall as he looked at me, and I didn't think like they'd ever stop.
"Bella," He said to me, staring at me intently before pulling me tighter into his lap and resting his chin on my hair, murmuring softly into it. "I don't deserve you… seriously for a smart girl you can't be half thick." He chuckled and I felt him vibrate as he did so, filling me with warmth.
My sun.
My Jacob.
This was the reason I loved him. Because despite everything, with chaos and disarray falling, he was still there. He still provided me with hope and happiness. Without Jake I wouldn't have survived this long, it was him that kept me going.
"I'm thick really Jake," I mumbled, relived that at least my voice sounded on its way to normal. My expression was not something however, I wanted to think about. "you just think I'm smart because you ditch school so much." I could feel him grinning into my hair.
"Yeah, well a wolf's got its duties Bells…" He said lightly at first, but I couldn't help but notice how his sentence ended, with a twinge of anxiety. My breathing caught as I searched for his face.
"Tell me Jake." I whispered earnestly, trying to unlock the hidden fear in his dark eyes and eradicate its source. If there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was Jacob in pain. In that time in which Edward was gone, this was what postponed the guilt from being with Jacob. I convinced myself that I was only there to comfort him and stop his pain. Oblivious to what was happening at the time.
His small chuckle awoke me from my thoughts again.
"I can't say Bella; not unless you say what you're so cut up about." I grimaced, I couldn't help it. He'd distracted me well, the tears had almost subsided now, but still, his words brought back what I was trying to force down. The reason for my foetal position earlier as I'd tried to keep the memory away.
I concentrated hard on Jacob not to relive that.
Pouting slightly, I looked at him.
"That's not fair." My voice was weak; I knew Jacob could read my expression, despite the pout I'd used to hide it. He smiled ruefully.
"Life's not fair." He said softly. I couldn't repress a snort.
"Never heard that one before…" I muttered sarcastically, Jacob just grinned lazily. I was glad the subject of my crying had been forgotten. It wasn't because of Jacob that I was crying, nor Lucie or Edward. Well okay, it was partially because of them, or to be more accurate the guilt that arose when I thought of them. But only partially.
The other reason was because of that dream…
I wanted to curl up into a ball again.
"Bella," Jacob said, his voice suddenly ardent in worry, "please tell me what's wrong…" I stared at him, and let out a gust of air, muttering the first thing that came into my head; again it was not a lie.
"The Volturi…" I said quietly, Jacob furrowed his brows again, crushing me closer to him, muttering a string of profanities in my ear, and suggesting that the Volturi could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves. I smiled weakly.
"They can't help it Jake; it's there job. I'm just a scaredy-cat." I said quietly. Jacob shook his head venomously in protest.
"No Bella, you're friends are bloodsuckers." I still cringed whenever he referred to them like that; Jacob just shrugged, unperturbed by my discomfort towards his names for them. That was one thing he wasn't going to change. He continued. "But the Volturi," He whistled quietly, "they're really bad bloodsuckers, their job isn't to go round stalking humans and stealing there clothes, is it?" He was still muttering, "…some police force your vamps have got." I sighed.
"Yeah but Jacob, they're perfectly entitled to do all that, I mean they're only taking my stuff to get my scent…" I trailed off, wondering where I was going with my talk. I wasn't even sure it was The Volturi who had taken my clothes; it could have Victoria after all.
I'd momentarily forgotten that I didn't just have the one group of sadistic vampires looking for me. "What I mean is: I'm meant to be a vampire Jake. That's the only reason I got out alive in Italy, we promised…" I stopped talking. Jacob's expression was one of anguish as he looked at me.
"Bella," He said quietly, unable to mask his anger and pain, "do you want to become one of them?" His voice was impossibly silent.
"I-I…" I stuttered, unable as ever, to decide. I hated this. Last year that was all I wanted. To be immortal; and part of me still desired such. Not the prospect of being a vampire, with all beauty and strength attached, but because all I'd wanted then was to spend forever with him. Eternity with Edward. And the worst part was, I still did. I hated the fact every day I grew older. Closer to dying each minute. I was eighteen, Edward seventeen (looks wise), and Jacob even less. They did not age (with the exception of Jacob's conditions regarding if he stopped phasing.) And yet I aged every stinking day. I was afraid. Afraid that I would soon be too old and withered, with Edward still implausibly beautiful by my side. Each day, the difference between us became more pronounced. I loved Edward, more than I could describe, he was the turning point in my life. Opened up my eyes to the new, beautiful supernatural world. The one I loved, and could never live without.
But then he'd left. He's left me that day, alone in the forest. And suddenly life had become incredibly complicated. I'd believed his words, always knowing it was impossible for him to want me. Perfect wanting boring. It had all been so surreal, everything no more than fragments of a dream. A beautiful dream. A dream I never wanted to end. But in leaving me, everything had turned dark. I still didn't want to remember those weeks - weeks in which I was no more than a zombie. Jacob had saved me. My sun had stopped the darkness.
And now, looking at him, seeing his pain. It brought everything back. I couldn't, simply couldn't see Jacob in pain. Did I even have a choice? I sighed. "Not if it breaks us apart Jake." I whispered sincerely. Truthfully.
He growled then. His voice low and intense.
"Then you won't Bella. I won't let them."
I could feel him holding me tighter. It was all he wanted, all he needed. To hold me like this, my head tucked firmly under his chin, strong arms wrapped around me. I didn't protest. But I couldn't feel it. I was numb again. The thought of the Volturi just brought the voices back. I knew it was them, who else could it have been?
Her voice, the childish chime. I could still remember what she'd done to Edward, how she'd made him writhe…
I couldn't suppress a shudder at that.
"Bella?" I snapped my head up; somehow, my face was cradled in his palms again. Odd. I didn't remember that. Jacob's eyes were troubled, his eyebrows mashed together in a frown as he scrutinized me. "I've been trying to get your attention for two minutes Bella…" He said quietly; worriedly.
"Sorry," I said quietly, "zoned out. I guess I'm just…" I trailed off, Jacob waited for me to finish. "Tired." I said finally, I didn't blush though, it wasn't a lie. I was tired. But it was the reason for my sleep deprivation that made me feel sick again, the sweat beading on my forehead as I remembered that voice. Not the actual affects from lack of sleep.
"Tired people sleep, Bella." He said sincerely in a whisper against my hair, and despite everything, I suppressed a snort. It was one of the most serious things Jacob had told me, and yet utterly useless. Tired people sleep? No kidding.
The humour however, quickly evaporated, leaving the fear to seep slowly into me. I tensed in Jacob's embrace, despite how comforting he was, not even his strong arms could act as a barrier to what was going on in my head. The mention of sleep seemed to have unlocked the torrent of thoughts - thoughts that so far, I'd managed to overcome. Now I could only hear the strange choked sounds numbly to my ears, unaware that it was myself making them.
All of breath left me then. I could no longer feel Jacob's embrace as I experienced the dream once more. The very same dream that had caused me to cry like I had, reduced me to the same shadow of a person I'd been when Edward had left.
Slowly, I felt myself fall into the abyss. Unable to hold on any longer.
I was no longer aware that the word heat existed as the numbness hit, soon followed by cold. And then darkness. The all consuming darkness. I knew what would follow. I'd had this dream all ready, it was not pleasant. I struggled stubbornly to awake, trying to remember what had given me such a brief moment of contentment. Desperately wanting to sustain the warmth that had pulsed under my skin. Because now I felt nothing.
And it terrified me.
Darkness.
That's all that lay before me, a darkness tainted by fear as my heart rate sped. I didn't want to search, that only arose the last memory of me being in a forest like this. Alone. The air was bitter; it stung against my arms, though I knew the Goosebumps on them were not caused by the cold.
But then, I noticed that I was not alone. This sent both overlying relief and fear through me. Relief for something being with me. And fear what that something might be. My sight improved minimally as a faint trail of moonlight flooded the small clearing I was situated in. By my side was a girl, her fair hair bleached silver in the ambient light. I recognised her instantly, our eyes met. Hers were wide with the exact same horror I was feeling. Suddenly there was a noise in the darkness. In unison, our heads snapped towards the sound, magnified in the silence.
"We've been waiting for you." A voice called, directed at the girl beside me, she turned to me before her eyes flickered back to a figure I couldn't see in the darkness. She seemed unable to look away. Entranced by whoever I could not see.
The voice spoke again.
"Yes, come closer."
She took a step forward, though the movement was odd. A jerky motion, it looked as if it was uncontrolled by herself. Again her eyes darted back to mine; the horror in them had increased. I wanted to help her then, looking petrified in the darkness, still staring at something I couldn't see. I made to move towards her, but couldn't. Terror dawned on me as I realised I couldn't move. The girl took another step away from me, her breathing came out in a gasp, and she stared down at her feet in horror again.
It was twisted. She couldn't control her movements. I could tell she didn't want to move any closer to the voices, yet was being forced to do so.
And I, well I couldn't move at all.
But then a voice spoke. Only this time, I recognised it. And suddenly I realised the fear I'd felt before was nothing compared to what I felt now.
At first, I couldn't distinguish the voice in the darkness; I decided it was like honey - slick and overly sweet. At least, that's what it sounded like far away. When, however, the figure shrouded in a cloak the exact colour of darkness drew closer. Her voice, too high for a male's, was horribly familiar.
I let out a gasp as she smiled.
Jane.
She turned to me, walking swiftly, and now I could see who was with me and the girl in the clearing. Figures - all wearing cloaks - lining the edges of the trees, their faces white against black. That's all I could see. Their pale faces illuminated in the darkness, and there eyes. The vivid colour of crimson, feasting upon me and the girl.
"Hello Isabella." She trilled in that chilling voice, I saw the girl beside me stiffen. She danced closer, her movements were like that a snake, graceful but laced with venom. "How nice of you to bring her to us." She grinned beatifically, before dancing to the girl beside me. "I can help you. You don't want them to suffer do you? Demetri's warnings were clear little one. I can help with that. But if you don't help us," She clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Then I'll have to hurt them."
The girl beside me, fear evident on her face looked abruptly shocked as her eyes focused on Jane. Her voice only shook slightly when she spoke.
"You can't hurt them." She said sceptically.
"Oh can't I?" Jane grinned.
And then the air was filled with the girl's screams. Jane watched her with avid fascination her face, a sadistic smile curling up her plump lips as she watched the girl writhe in agony. The screams continued to echo round the clearing.
"Stop!" I cried, my voice broken, Jane looked at me then, her face contorted in concentration before she relinquished her power on the girl, now shaking on the floor. She danced to me instead as a cloaked figure grabbed the girl on the floor. I tried to move to help the girl, limp in one of the figure's arms, but I couldn't move. Jane whispered into my ear.
"Thank you so much Bella. We couldn't have done this without you."
There was a sound echoing around the trees as I screamed a chilling unsettling grumble. As I slumped towards the earth, unaware of pain. It took me a while to understand what the sound was as it faded, and why it sounded so sinister, mixed with my cracked cry.
It was laughter.
I knew who the girl in my dream was.
I gasped as I awoke sharply to the present, shaking uncontrollably. The scream dying in my throat. I didn't have any tears coursing down my cheeks though. I'd run out of tears. The sobs that escaped me where terrible and dry as I gasped for air.
I didn't look at Jacob's face. I knew it would just break me further. I had to at least try to be strong. I had to fix this. I would change it. I wouldn't allow the dream to come true. I couldn't allow it to come true.
I knew who the girl in my dream was. The one who had been tortured by Jane, taken away by the figures and consumed by the darkness. I had known since I'd first seen her in the dark clearing, moving forward despite her fear. I knew the girl the Volturi wanted. And I had to find her, I had to stop this. I had to make her believe me, because I she didn't then reality and dreams would merge into one. Causing chaos.
I knew who the girl in my dream was. And I knew she didn't trust me. But I had to make her trust me. Despite how I'd acted. I had to make her believe what I was saying was the truth, instead of insanity like Carlisle would deem it.
Because the girl had been Lucie.
***
Ugh. Is my personal opinion on that chapter. Ugh.
Now. At the start I said I wouldn't babble so much. I… lied…
Now. Bella POV? Was flipping rubbish eh? Ugh. I tried. Sorry if it was bad, it's silly, you'd of thought seeing as SM wrote practically the whole saga from her POV that it would be the easiest POV huh? But nooooo. Anyway. I put it in, because reviewers requested one at some point. If, (yes. I am very aware of how unlikely this is) you readers actually liked Bella's POV and want more. Then please feel free to say so in your review, and I'll slave over typing another one ;) And even if you did hate it (in which case, great minds think alike) it was needed because it does add a lot to the plot… have you noticed that Bella seems to be getting very Lucie-esque dreams? Huh? Huh?! I'll say no more on that point. .. *shifty eyes*
I feel… subdued really. I think the effects of tedious school are wearing off on me, And I've got a horrible headache; I think I've got a cold. Oh, and speaking of colds, SWINE FLU… (Please be aware that I am not trying to make fun of the serious problem, and I'm sorry if anyone reading this knows somehow who has been effected b the virus) Now. I know this was cruel, but I had to do it.
I was with my sister's friend Hannah. (Who is 9) Please understand that Hannah is probably the most gullible person you'd ever get the pleasure to meet… Seriously. (When I told her that I was half Chinese - despite the fact that I am blonde with blue eyes, and do not look remotely Chinese AT ALL - and began to write strange symbols on paper and claim that the scribbles were in fact the Chinese alphabet. She believed me.) Anyway, So I was with Hannah, and my sister and my friend started to COUGH. So naturally, my sister and Hannah said that she had caught swine flu. (This epidemic happened last year as well. Except if you coughed then you supposedly had bird flu, and were in danger of spontaneously turning into a chicken or - in my case apparently, I'm still unsure to why I would turn into a different bird - a duck.) But anyway. This girl coughed and Hannah was wondering what swine flu was.
I told her bluntly, in all seriousness, that if you caught swine flu, you would slowly transform into a pig…
And Hannah. Being Hannah. Believed me. She asked what the symptoms were; like coughing, and I informed her that if the subject in question started to 'oink' or let out the occasional snort, then they were too far gone to help. At this point, Evie - the girl who had been coughing - let out a massive snort from trying to contain her laughter.
Hannah has now been avoiding Evie. And when asked why she said: 'I don't want to turn into a pig!' … I told her yesterday what sarcasm was. She now understands, that if you catch swine flu, you will not turn into a pig.
So yeah. With that in mind. REVIEW. Else I'll turn into a pig, and pig's have strange trotter-style feet and can't type. And if I can't type, then I can't update (bearing in mind that at this moment - in the hypothetical near future if no reviews come - I am a pig) and If I can't update (because I'm a pig) then you can't read this story. And find out what will happen, and whether or not I ever stop rambling on in my babbles about things completely and utterly irrelevant. Like doors; shrews and now pigs.
So yeah. REVIEW PLEASE. I've got some of Ze next chapter written up. In which a certain girl who rhymes with the name Fella, (yeah, I was going to say Smella. But hey, some crazy fan girls could take offence to that. Oh wait, they could do that with Fella too. Drat…) shall talk to another certain girl who rhymes with the name… Moosie… *snort* and this might all lead up to one hell of a confused character who rhymes with the name… Fed-Wood. (Hahaha…yeah. No one will get that riddle.) *Notice the sarcasm people, else you'll end up going the same way little Hannah did. And start believing that swine flu transforms people into pigs...*
OH! And before I forget, if you haven't voted on the poll (on my profile) yet, please do! Else this story may take a turn you don't want. So far, the majority of people want Lucie to be vampififed. But if you don't, then say already! And ach. How many of you people want Edward to stay with Bella? I won't say whether this is an Edward/OC fic, because (despite my rough drafts) if you people HATE that idea. Then I won't do it.
As usual, if you've got a question then say it in the review, and if you don't like a particular part of this chapter (or like me, the ENTIRE chapter) then just say. I can take it. Anyways. Happy Bank Holiday weekend people! I'd really like a review or two… *hint hint, wink wink, hits-people-over-the-head-until-they-realise-that-they-have-to-review-to-get-a-faster-update!* Erm. Yup. I'm going to give out… free Emmetts this chapter to all who review! HA! That's offer is far too tempting to spurn, don't you think?
Lily- who is very cross at the stupid babbling issue that is getting WORSE each chapter…