Temerity
Part 9-Reform
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.
"Sometimes solutions aren't so simple,
Sometimes good bye's the only way."
--Shadow of the Day, Linkin Park
Temerity-Unreasonable contempt of danger; extreme venturesomeness; rashness.
Confined to quarters. It could've been worse, Hot Rod reflected, given that Ironhide's punishment was meted out by Prime himself. Optimus pulled Ironhide from patrol to monitor duty, and he wasn't allowed off base for three days, or anyplace besides his quarters when he wasn't on duty. Hot Rod considered himself lucky because Ratchet chose his punishment.
He'd already spent more than 36 hours in his quarters, still had less than 12 to go. But he was bored, wanted something to do besides stare at the ceiling from his bunk or go over the accounts of the battle of Mission City one more time. He had that down pat now. He'd had a few visitors. Ratchet graciously allowed Sam, Mikaela and Bumblebee a few minutes earlier that day under the guise of alleviating his boredom, and it had helped. Blue had visited for a while earlier in the evening, talked non-stop about the prank the twins pulled that morning, managing to spike Prowl's morning energon with high grade, so he was off-duty until the next day.
Jazz even stopped by after his shift was over, giving his own account of the high grade incident, also filling him in on the latest reconnaissance, which was the other high point of the day. They twins spotted Barricade out on patrol, but he gave them the slip before they could engage.
Interesting, that. Barricade, Hot Rod recalled, was once a Peacekeeper like Prowl, had been one of the second in command's closest friends before the war. They'd split over ideologies, but Hot Rod knew there was more that went on than that. But he didn't want to think about it. He'd actually volunteered for that mission--acting as security for the science team that went through the wreckage of Shockwave's lab at the Academy after the destruction of the Crystal City. It was one of his first missions after joining the security forces, and one he wanted to forget.
He snorted at that thought--so much he wanted to remember when he couldn't.
Taking the initiative, Hot Rod stood, walked over to the door. He tore off the access panel, made the adjustments necessary to bypass the key code outside and the door opened. Giving a quick scan, he found no one coming down the corridor or in the living quarters besides himself. He walked out, not caring if he was caught.
-----
Hot Rod raced into the night. He reveled in the feeling of the cold night air rushing over his sleek new form, the stars shining overhead in the black, alien sky. He was lost in the sense of the road beneath his tires, the sound of the wind singing in his audios. For the moment, he was free. An ill-gotten gain, but still, he was free.
Bypassing the security codes to his quarters was easy, sneaking away was not, but here he was, escaping. The desire to get away was so strong it almost drove him mad, and his need to be alone was even more imperative. Most of the others back at base treated him like he'd break at any moment. He heard the whispers from the humans, and his own kind alike--that he was broken, that he would never be the same again. But what did they know?
All he knew was that everything felt. . .wrong. He didn't exactly feel like himself anymore, and he knew even Kup realized that, but he tried to treat him like he was still someone, that he still mattered. Even Prime worried, but he gave him the benefit of the doubt. Since he'd been let out of the med bay days before, those two, along with Ratchet, and the three young humans, Sam, Mikaela and Capt. Lennox were the only ones who didn't shun him, treat him different.
Ironhide wouldn't look at him. Hot Rod knew it had less to do with his temporary maiming of the weapons expert, which he didn't remember, and everything to do with what he couldn't, wouldn't go back to.
The young Autobot switched his thoughts back to the road, pushing his newly-repaired body to its limits. He knew he shouldn't, but he didn't care. Not anymore. Nor did he give a damn about the potential for running into Decepticons. The Decepticon Barricade had been sighted frequently around the base recently, and where one was, more were sure to follow. So much the better for me, Hot Rod thought. He relished the anticipation of possible conflict. Every Decepticon dead was one more closer to his goal. Shockwave. He'd die if they ever met again. Hot Rod swore on that, counted on it.
That brought him back to his original line of thinking. Escape. Speeding down the highway took away the pain, anger and grief. Made him forget for a while he was desperately trying to remember something he probably didn't want to remember. It also brought back good memories--racing with Blurr before they both joined the defense forces, getting in trouble with Springer more times than he could count and all the things that made life worth living. But maybe life wasn't worth living anymore. . .
He broke off his morbid reasoning again. This time, someone comming him, which he ignored. A few miles flew by before the other mech tried again, just a silent burst to try to get him to talk. Hot Rod slowed, scanning the area to see who it was. Probably not Jazz, as he was only out of the med bay a few days himself. Probably not Prowl, who wouldn't be so courteous before a potential confrontation. No. This time, it was Optimus Prime himself come to drag the errant bot home.
Hot Rod slowed even more, willing his leader to catch up.
It didn't take very long. The bulk of Prime's vehicle form soon caught up, pulling alongside the smaller mech, easing him off the road. But Hot Rod wasn't in the mood. As soon as Prime stopped, Hot Rod transformed. Optimus followed suit, staring down the younger Autobot.
"If you come back willingly, you won't be put in confinement," Prime said.
"Like that matters," Hot Rod said. "What do you consider being locked in my quarters?"
Optimus ignored the outburst. "You've only just been let out of the med bay," he said. "Do you want to go back?"
"Is that a threat?" Hot Rod said.
Prime vented air, sighing in frustration.
"No, it is not. Please, Hot Rod, return to base with me,"
"Why should I?"
Prime shuttered his optics a few times. Hot Rod had him there. The young bot didn't have many reasons to want to go back.
"I didn't think you could come up with a good reason," Hot Rod said.
"I see we're going to have to do this the hard way. . ." Prime said, taking a step forward.
Before Optimus could say another word, before he could react, Hot Rod transformed, peeling out, turning a half-circle at high speed to gain some distance, then drove straight at him. A split second later, Prime found himself flat on his back, one of Hot Rod's knees in his throat, pinning him down. The orange and black mech's left hand was wrapped partially around his throat, and his right hand was retracted, revealing a spinning saw blade, the only weapon they allowed Hot Rod, which, come to think of it, was probably a mistake, Prime realized.
"You're slow," Hot Rod said.
"And you have no idea how sorry you're going to be," Optimus replied.
He punched Hot Rod, regretting it as he heard the sound of crunching metal, watched Hot Rod fall away from him as he stood.
"Now will you come back to base?"
Hot Rod picked himself up off the ground, frowning.
Prime cringed when he saw the energon leaking from the other Autobot's mouth.
Hot Rod, dismayed with the pity in his leader's eyes, lunged. He slashed up with his blade, slicing into the left side of Prime's battle mask as it slid into place. Prime ducked, offlining his optics from the sparks flying as the blade cut into his face. He clasped his hands together, making his arms into a club, knocking Hot Rod to the ground with both fists.
Onlining his optics, he looked down, reaching, picking up Hot Rod by the throat.
"You dare challenge my authority? Bring your weapons to bear on me again and you will die," Prime said.
"Is that a promise?" Hot Rod rasped. "Because you sound just like him."
Prime dropped Hot Rod, stepping back, staring down at the young mech. Hot Rod stared back, panting, holding his throat.
Optimus started to reach down to help Hot Rod up, but Hot Rod swatted his hand away.
"I don't want your pity," he said.
Angry now, the moment of danger past, Optimus wanted nothing more than to see Hot Rod offlined in the med bay again, but he held back.
"Then what is it you want?" Prime said. "And why must you leave me to finish what you start, Hot Rod?"
"I. . .I don't want to be left alone. . ." Hot Rod said.
Prime knelt down by him. "You're not alone. Please, Hot Rod, come back to base. I promise you if you come back, you will no longer be under confinement. Do not force me to take more drastic measures. . ."
Hot Rod was silent for a moment, thinking.
"All right," he said.
Optimus stood, again offering a hand, which Hot Rod accepted.
--
He followed Hot Rod back to base, walked him to his quarters. The young Autobot was much subdued, not calm, but sullen. A very unusual state for him, but not strange considering recent circumstances.
"You're not going to make me see Ratchet?" Hot Rod said as they entered his quarters, suspicious.
"Not until morning, if you promise me not to pull another stunt like tonight's," Prime said.
"I can't promise anything," Hot Rod said. "But I'll try. Is that enough?"
Prime fought back another sigh.
"For now, it will have to be enough," he said, giving Hot Rod a gentle shove toward his berth. "You should get some recharge. Let me worry about Ratchet."
"You'd do that?"
"Don't you trust me?" Prime asked.
Hot Rod didn't answer.
"As I said, I will deal with Ratchet. Try to rest," Prime said. "All right?"
Hot Rod nodded, accepting, sitting down on the berth.
Prime turned to go.
"Stay?" Hot Rod asked.
Prime stopped, considering. It would not hurt to stay at least until the younger Autobot fell into recharge.
--
He sat in a chair by Hot Rod's berth, staying well after he had fallen into a deep recharge. The small bit of trust Hot Rod showed was a start. Small, but a start nonetheless. He'd never meant to let their earlier confrontation to escalate as it did, but Hot Rod did know how to goad. And he'd managed to get his attention.
Bringing up Megatron earned Hot Rod no favors.
Optimus never let anyone see his own loneliness. He'd silenced the other's voice, broken their bond, eliminating the presence that was with him since their first moment of awareness. As a twin, Megatron was always with him. Through the good and bad, until his brother was consumed with madness. It had taken every bit of his strength to sever the bond, and it had very nearly cost him his own life. But he was still alive, and would go on as long as he could. And Prime willed Hot Rod to find the desire to go on once more.
He looked down at Hot Rod's sleeping form, deciding it was time to go.
--
Kup cocked an optic ridge, seeing Prime coming around the corridor. It wasn't unusual to see the Autobot leader up all hours of the night, but it was to see him covered in dirt, dented and deep gouges cut into his armor.
"What happened to you?" Kup asked.
"Hot Rod."
"Get out again, did he?" Kup said.
The look on Prime's face said it all.
"That bad?"
"You have no idea. Was he ever this. . ."
"Difficult? Bad before? Oh yeah. You only got to see him when he was on really good behavior," Kup said, grinning. "Speaking of, where is he?"
"In his quarters," Prime said.
"Under lockdown, I suppose?"
"No," Prime said.
"Are you out of your mind?" Kup said.
"I promised him if he came back willingly, he would not be put under confinement again."
"Taking a chance, aren't you? But you've started to earn his trust. I'm glad to see that. Maybe now that he sees not everyone thinks he's going out of his mind he'll start to move past this," Kup said.
"I hope you're right," Prime said.
"You did it by being Optimus, not Prime, and that's what he needs right now--a friend. I'm doing all I can, but between trying to get this base whipped into shape and helping the humans, I'm spread thin. I think it'll get even better when Springer gets here, but that's days away," Kup said.
"He always did have a problem with authority," Optimus said.
"Not always. At least not you," Kup said.
"He did tonight."
"Ask him why?"
"No," Optimus answered.
"Maybe you should," Kup said. "Go get some rest."
Optimus nodded, watching Kup go, hoping the ancient mech was right.
-----
Prime didn't want to go to the med bay, but considering the number of dents and cuts in his armor, especially the gash in his face, which was now throbbing, he decided he would rather go on his own than be dragged against his will. Unsurprisingly, Ratchet was still up, putting the place in order.
The medic raised an optic ridge, assessing the condition of his leader as he sat down on one on berth. Of his own free will.
"Is your processor damaged?" Ratchet asked, walking over.
"What?"
"Because you're here. On your own. What happened?"
Prime frowned.
"A certain hot-tempered young Autobot recently discharged from the med bay?" Ratchet asked.
Prime grunted.
"Where is he?" Ratchet said.
"Recharging in his quarters," Prime said.
"And his condition?"
"I promised him he wouldn't have to see you until morning," Prime said.
"Given the amount of damage you're sporting, there was a confrontation, correct? And you retaliated?" Ratchet said.
No answer.
"Is he still functioning?"
"He's not missing any body parts," Prime said.
Ratchet picked up a laser scalpel, aiming it at the gouge in Optimus' face. His leader flinched in pain as the beam made contact. The medic allowed himself a small smile as he worked.
"I said he's fine," Prime said.
"I'll be the judge of that," Ratchet said.
Prime shot him a look that would have cowed a lesser mech. Ratchet kept working, enjoying himself.
--
He should've been in recharge, but Optimus couldn't rest. Instead, he was in his office, going over Kup's logs from the shuttle. It was something to do, and interesting reading. He looked up when he heard footsteps.
Ratchet. Wonder what he wants, Prime thought.
"I just checked on Hot Rod. May I ask what you did to put him into such a good recharge?" Ratchet said, optics narrowed. "He's in no condition. . ."
Prime's own optics widened.
"No. . .how can you even suggest. . ." Prime said. "I sat with him until he went offline."
Ratchet backed down, satisfied.
"I didn't wake him. I should have, but considering he hasn't been recharging at all, I can let it slide. Just this once," Ratchet said.
"He hasn't been resting?"
"No. And he won't tell me why. Maybe he'll talk to you," Ratchet said.
"You want me to spy on him?" Prime said.
"No. Just get him to talk. Then do something about it."
-----
Ironhide exchanged a glance with Sideswipe when they saw Optimus enter ops the next morning. Their leader frowned, and they both went back to looking at their respective monitors.
Epps noticed too, from where he was standing with Lennox, looking at the main screen. Prowl was showing them some of the specifications of the Ark, but even the tactician looked away when he noticed the cut to his leader's face.
"Looks like space case strikes again," Epps said.
Lennox snapped around.
"What did you say?" he said.
"You heard me. Can't they launch him back into space or do that stasis thing again?" Epps said.
"Epps, shut up. That is an order," Lennox said.
Epps frowned, but shut his mouth, going back to looking at the screen.
Prowl looked down, meeting Lennox's gaze, then looked over to where Prime was standing.
"I think he heard," Prowl said.
"From the look on his face, yeah," Lennox said. "I'll go talk to him."
Epps ignored Lennox as he walked away.
"C'mon Prime, we've gotta talk," Lennox said.
The Autobot leader followed him out of ops, and all the way outside.
"What set him off this time?" Lennox asked, once they were away from the others.
Prime shook his head.
"It could have been anything," he said.
"My guess is Ironhide," Lennox said.
"You heard?"
"Bluestreak never shuts up. And nothing, I guess, escapes his notice," Lennox said. "He shared with Epps and I when he took us to lunch the other day. What's Ironhide got against Hot Rod, anyway?"
Prime didn't answer.
"Look, if we're going to work together, I need to know what's going on with him. I know that could be a long way off, given Hot Rod's present circumstances, but c'mon, give me something," Lennox said.
Optimus vented air, which Lennox recognized as a sigh.
"He was a tactical unit commander before the battle of Tyger Pax. During one of his missions, his team was ambushed, and he was the only survivor. It had a. . .negative impact on him for a while, but he recovered. He was later assigned to special ops, working under Jazz. And only since he arrived here did we discover that he was on board the Vector, the only ship unaccounted for after Tyger Pax," Prime said.
"The Vector? I asked Ironhide about that a couple of weeks ago, and he didn't say much," Lennox said. "Any reason why? And what's the big deal?"
"The Vector was one of three ARK-class ships," Prime said.
"Like your Ark," Lennox said. "The ship Prowl was showing us."
"Yes."
"Why was this ship so important?"
"It wasn't the ship itself," Prime said. "It was someone on it."
"And this someone was?"
"Someone very close to Ironhide."
"A friend?" Lennox asked.
"More than a friend," Prime said.
"Oh. . ." Lennox said, finally understanding. "I see why he's been so wired since Hot Rod showed up."
"That, my friend, is an understatement," Prime said.
"And I take it I should not mention this conversation around Ironhide?"
"Not if you want to remain functioning," Prime answered.
"Want me to talk to Hot Rod then? Not about the other thing, but about his behavior lately?" Lennox said. "It could be survivor's guilt, or post traumatic stress disorder. And believe me, considering my year, I'm familiar with both."
--
Hot Rod sat down, bringing himself down to a more comfortable level for his human companion, who looked very annoyed. He was reluctant to be where he was, but glad of it at the same time. He was out, away from base, but probably getting ready for a lecture, given the look on Lennox's face. The Ranger picked the lookout for the site of their conversation. Lennox didn't sit, much to Hot Rod's own annoyance. Standing was always bad. And he was right.
"I could be at home with my wife and baby girl right now, but instead, I'm choosing to be here, freezing my ass off talking to you," Lennox said, hoping he was driving home his point. "I'm doing this as a favor to Prime, and also to you, because I'd like to consider you among my friends. I've defended your ass to everyone, so the least you can do is listen."
He met Hot Rod's gaze. Good. The jackass *was* listening.
"Look--do whatever it takes to get your head straight, let go of whatever's doggin' you. You have to let it go, or you'll never move on. And even I know you're not OK. Don't deny it. But let's get one thing straight--you're needed. So talk to Prime, talk to Kup, Ratchet, talk to God or whatever deity tickles your fancy," Lennox said. "There's a war still going on, and you're needed."
Again, Lennox paused, making sure Hot Rod was listening. Still focused on him.
"I've been in your shoes. I've lost men. Hell, Not to try and outdo you on the angst scale, me and my men were the only survivors of the attack on Soccent in Qatar. The Decepticon Blackout destroyed an entire base. Then Scorponok tracked us through the desert. He killed one of my men before we could defend ourselves and another died in my arms not long after. They weren't just fellow soldiers. They were my friends. You can trust me. Hell, Prime trusts you, and you haven't given him a lot of reasons lately to make him want to trust you, so that says a lot to me. Your friends see something in you, something you think you've lost. If you want to talk, it'll stay between us."
Silence.
He tried another tactic.
"Prime told me about what happened to your team," Lennox said. "What about the Vector?"
"It's. . .classified. I remember things up to a point, then nothing. And the other. . .my unit was killed, ambushed. . .I was the only survivor," Hot Rod said. "I blamed myself, and for a long time, I wanted to die. . ."
"And sometimes, now, you find yourself slipping back to that mentality," Lennox said. "Looks to me you've got a lot to live for. Friends that care, a new home you haven't even begun to explore, and your best friend is coming. Kup said he's actually more like a brother to you?"
"Springer is my brother, like Sgt. Epps is your brother," Hot Rod said.
"And what would Springer say if he knew what you've been pulling lately?" Lennox said.
"Kick my aft. Lecture me, then kick my aft again," Hot Rod said.
"He'll be here soon enough," Lennox said. "And like I said, you have people that care for you. Isn't that reason enough to hold on?"
Hot Rod nodded.
"If you ever need to talk, just come find me, OK? And ignore Epps. He'll come around eventually, I think," Lennox said. "C'mon. You can give me a ride home."