HEYYYS!
I. Shall. Shorten. The. Babbling. (Wish me luck :p)
DISCLAIMER: (I have forgotten about this. Again. No, however depressing it is for me to admit, I don't own Twilight, nor any of its later sequels, or characters. Stephenie Meyer does. I am not Stephenie Meyer. If your under the delusion that I am, then I advise you to see someone. Preferably a psychiatrist of some sort.)
Late update? :o Sorry (Hedgehog kept making these infuriating beeping noises…) but thanks for being patient. Patience is a virtue, a virtue is a grace, grace was a girl with mud on her face! Erm… anyway, thanks for that. GAH! There are 750 REVIEWS for this story! *gasp!* If you review, then I will love you unconditionally. (Yeah. How many people do you think I've scared away by saying that?) Reviewers are brilliant. (Again, thanks to all the anons too, sorry I can't reply to you) And I'm sorry this is a short chapter (well okay… short for my standards, but hey, no doubt I'll just make them long again next chappy :p)
Hehe, look out for the almightily word thwack in this chapter. *Snickers* (yeah, I have this… thing with words that begin with 'thw' namely the two awesome words: thwack and thwarted (I LOVE the word thwarted ;p) it's kinda sad really… they are hardly any words that begin with 'thw'; I can't think of anymore. Oh wait, thwaite is one too. ( I think that's something to do with a reclaimed bit of wild land. But I could be very wrong) So, if you think the word THWACK it's slightly out of place it's probably just because I was desperate for it be used at least once… I mean c'mon, you can't deny it's awesome? Anyway. Look out for that word!
*shakes head* Re-reading my A/Ns leaves me feeling like you're all going to think I'm crazy. Did I seriously just ramble on about 'thw' words? (*cough* not that this has ever happened before *cough*) Anyway, sorry about that.
I don't know when I can update… :( being busy sucks. But, I was pondering (yes, I sit here and ponder) on the issue of reviews. We are rather close to 800 now, aren't we? (again: thanks a herd of nelephants to the amazing reviewers!) so… well, I don't expect to get 50 reviews for this chapter, but please keep in mind that reviews seriously help the speed of updates!
The ultimate goal of 1000 reviews in getting steadily more… probable ;)
Thanks for reading. Frog knows how you stand it all :p
REVIEWS=Fantabulousness!
Can I just state, (before you all go read this) that I think this has to be the best start ever to a chapter. Never mind the rest of it, Alice's opening line is brilliant à mon avis {in my opinion... French} just thought I'd share the news with you all. Cookies are fantabulous, don't you think? :D
What Happened Last Chapter:
I mumbled softly two - yet so portentous - words into his marble chest.
"You're forgiven."
He looked back at me, his voice shook slightly.
"Don't ever do that again." He whispered. Angling my face so that I had to look into his.
"What?" My voice croaked. My heart thrummed rapidly at the same time as butterflies erupted in my stomach again.
"Faint without me right next to you. Mike was a pain to fight off. The idiot didn't even catch you." He muttered viciously, but not without staring at me, humour underlined his dark tone. I smiled weakly, my strength returning slightly.
"And you would have?" I asked sceptically.
His expression was far too serious.
"Without a doubt."
***
The Suffocating Shadows.
"Have a cookie." Alice chirped.
"What?" I asked blearily, Alice was talking about cookies?
I'd just asked Edward to put me down, I felt terribly insignificant and plain ridiculous being carried like I'd just broken my leg. When in fact, all I had done was faint. Yeah, faint. Quite the casualty case. And now, I was on my feet, staring straight into Alice's eager eyes. Hang on, where had she come from?
I looked at my surroundings, my eyes widening. We were in the deserted car park again. I grimaced when I realised the similarity to before. The last time I'd fainted I'd ended up here… I hoped some kind of twisted tradition wasn't forming.
My head was swimming. I suddenly regretted my decision on making Edward let me stand alone. I was going to fall, I knew it and - by a surreptitious glance to my right - Edward did too. The hard concrete beneath me did not look very appealing to land on.
Okay, so my surreptitious glance was no longer surreptitious, mainly because I couldn't draw my eyes away from him. I supposed I could use some sort of temporary concussion as an excuse this time. He was frowning, his perfect ivory forehead crumpled as he assessed me. In any other situation, the look could have angered me - offended me even. But not now. I knew what his expression meant, I knew the meaning behind his golden eyes, I understood why he looked worried.
Because I knew I was feeling the same way. It was evident Edward had experienced my dream. That was the reason for his comfort before (I wasn't going to kid myself that it was anything more than comfort.) I felt my stomach twist at the memory of what had happened moments early - the same thing that had culminated in me collapsing. Convulsing in an unknown fear.
The truth was screaming at me from my every action I took. My every thought, action and consequence led up to it; I was weak. And yet, despite this knowledge, I felt light-headed again at the thought. The dream pulled elusively on my mind, tempting me to shut my tired eyes. There was acidic taste on my tongue; I felt sick.
With more effort then usual, I focused on Alice in front of me, she seemed unfazed, but Edward's eyes were trained on me like a hawk. The frown had deepened. He'd evidently noticed my thoughts, even if he couldn't specifically see them; they were obvious on my face. Again, I focused on Alice, realising my entire train of thought had only lasted a matter of seconds, hence her usual optimistic self towards me.
She continued in the same pealing tune, her voice sounded almost amused by the situation. Alice was strange. "I saw this happening you know, you fainting and Mike rushing to your side, though he caught you in my vision, sorry about that." She grimaced slightly, but continued on the same breath, "but I knew this would happen so I asked Esme to make cookies. They're a good recovery food substance apparently, and even for human food they look quite nice. Carlisle mentioned sugar is something you need more of Lucie, and these are packed with the stuff. They're fudge flavoured I think; try one." I frowned in dismay at her tone of voice, still fuelled with some unknown alacrity. Her lithe words were slow to take effect on me, I couldn't process the information quick enough.
Still, anyone would have found Alice odd. The delicate ethereal features - that made her look like she belonged in some sort of magical realm as apposed to Forks; the graceful lope that put ballerinas to shame; and the pealing soprano voice. Yes, Alice was odd. She seemed to radiate sanguinity, despite the fact that I was in a half catatonic state, she was beaming.
I wouldn't have been surprised if she started to bounce. I mentally pictured her on a bright yellow space hopper.
She handed me a brown paper bag. It broke me out of my ridiculous thoughts. I looked at it for a long moment; no doubt looking mentally handicapped. But I couldn't think properly my mind was racing. Why was Alice so adamant about making me eat? Other issues were far more important at this moment in time. The thought of them had my chest constrict. I fought stubbornly against the impounding thoughts that would end up in me screaming.
"There's no one else to save you now…" Cold hands gripping me, the stench of something rotten tainted, overwhelming. A clammy embrace preventing me from running…
Alice was looking at me, waiting for my response.
I could only hope she didn't see the fear in my eyes. I tried to banish the unwelcome thoughts from my head again, instead thinking up how to reply. It was silly; maybe I should have just grabbed the bag. I mean, I liked cookies. It really wasn't fair what thoughts were coming to my mind, none were cookie-related. On the contrary, the very thought of them made me lose my appetite.
But before I could answer, Edward spoke - and to my shock - he sounded positively furious.
"You saw this Alice? And you blocked it from me?!" It didn't sound like a question towards the end, more of an accusation, bordering on the verge of a threat. "Is this the reason for you reciting the Old Testament in Latin?" Wow. You had to give it to the pixie; she was creative to think of something like that. I gaped at him, discarding other thoughts and half wanting to demand what his problem was; half wanting to be in his arms again. I frowned at the polar desires.
"Nope, blocking wasn't required, dear brother," Alice said with a twinkle in her tawny eyes, "you were too preoccupied." Alice had a strange smile on her face, accompanied by the knowing look in her eyes that made them brighten. It wasn't making much sense to me, but Edward frowned at whatever she was thinking. Preoccupation? What? Edward was preoccupied? But all he'd done this morning was… well, I didn't honestly know. From might point of view he'd just been a bit of an arrogant and badly apologising vampire. That hardly counted as being preoccupied, I was the only one he'd been acting differently to. It wasn't as if he'd been concentrating on me.
I should have felt cross at feeling so confused; but didn't. My eyes flickered back from Alice's smug expression; to Edward's furrowed one. But I soon stopped the movement; my eyes felt heavier. The room seemed to be shaking slightly again. I wondered if there was a parade of some sort coming through. Perhaps elephants.
Promptly, I concentrated on the conversation more sharply, I felt like slapping myself awake. Honestly. What was it with my delusional mind and elephants? This was getting out of hand.
I felt dizzy. Colours kept blurring.
"I don't believe this, why didn't you stop it!?" That was Edward's voice, he still sounded angry. It took me several seconds to realise that I should have been able to have seen his facial expression to go with it. By that time, I had already fallen.
Cold arms soothed my skin; a small sigh escaped my lips.
Everything merged around me, as I drifted off. I heard Alice's voice amused above me.
"I saw that too."
Things today just weren't making sense…
***
I awoke in the back of the Volvo, my head was devoid of terrifying images. It confused me, until of course - I felt a marble figure beside me, it appeared I hadn't slept for long. Alice turned round in the front seat, we were riving ridiculously fast, but I didn't have the strength to ask Alice to slow down. Alice trilled suddenly - the sound was slightly off though - somehow, I knew they'd been talking before I'd awoken.
"You know Lucie, before you passed out on me-" Edward cut in, did his grip around me tighten? And hang on, why the hell was his arm around my waist? The thought made me feel dizzy. I looked anywhere but at him. A third fainting occurrence was definitely not something I needed right now.
"Actually Alice, I believe she passed out on me." I frowned, Edward sounded almost smug.
"No, I was the one talking to her!" Alice's tone was that of a petulant 4 year old.
"No - you weren't, I-"
"Umm," Was my grand way of interrupting their argument, I twisted out of Edward's grip to face him and sat myself up properly, "actually," I tried to mimic Edward's silky articulation, and sounded ridiculous. My words - to my surprise - weren't mumbled from only just waking up. They were coherent, which was more than could be said for my current thoughts. "I believe you and Edward were arguing before I…" But I trailed off. My cheeks reddening. I knew should have kept my mouth shut. I saw Edward's lips tug at the corners slightly.
"Before you collapsed you mean," He commented lightly. I glared at him.
"I didn't collapse, I just…" Oh crud. I did collapse. And into his arms. I blushed even more furiously.
"Fainted?" He suggested. I glared at him again; I couldn't win the argument. He was right.
"There's no need to make it sound so melodramatic," I mumbled crossly under my breath. I heard a chuckle. Alice took the event as means to cut in.
"Well, as I was saying. You collapsed-" I turned to glare at her. She looked like she was fighting a smile too. This was getting ridiculous again. My temper really wasn't something to mess with at the moment, I was seriously sleep deprived, it was one hell of an excuse to be cranky. I smiled vindictively at the thought of releasing some of my bottled up wrath on Edward.
"And," Alice continued, "you didn't get a chance to eat the cookies. And you have to." Okay. Alice was quite scary in that tone. I had several images of her forcing me to eat the cookies, all the while looking like a crazed pixie. She saw my expression and then added something as an afterthought "A double collapsing means you need double the amount."
"I'm not hungry." I said tightly. They really weren't going to let the collapsing thing pass, were they? The sentence seemed to have thrown Alice though. She stared at me blankly.
"Oh," But then she frowned, "wait, yes you are, you haven't eaten anything since lunch!" Yeah. Lunch. It was only an hour ago. Jeesh. Did Alice think I was going to become a sudden glutton for cookies within that time span?
"No, really I'm not-" It was at that precise moment, that my stomach betrayed me. It sounded like it contained demons. Angry demons. I glared down at it. Traitor.
Alice thrust the paper bag into my hands; I took a cookie out and started to eat. Frowning at how delicious it was, it really didn't help with my case. Trust Esme to know how I adored fudge. I sat like that, watching the mass of blurred green through the windows, and nibbling on the soft cookie. I stopped eating after the second though. Eating cookies - I decided as I felt my stomach churn - in a car travelling over the speed limit was not a good idea.
There was a sharp turn to the right then, it flung me into Edward's granite figure, he prised me off him easily, and I blushed again. But the movement had reminded me that we were driving. And I suddenly realised I had no idea where to. But before I could phrase the question, an answer presented itself, in the form of the Cullens drive.
I stopped when we reached the front steps, Emmett was in front of the door, barring entrance.
"What happened?" He asked, the question was directed at Alice and Edward, as if he knew I couldn't supply an answer. I scowled at that and my lips became a thin line. I thought my glare was menacing; they should have all been cowering.
No one even seemed to notice. Story of my life.
Rosalie appeared by Emmett's side, looking gloriously perfect. My self confidence died in that instant. Literally, died. She was examining her perfect fingers and fastidiously filing them, with the air of being slightly bored.
"Lucie collapsed." Alice said lightly. Emmett snorted, Rosalie snickered, and I glared.
Edward's response confused me the most though. He made a sound suspiciously like a grunt. And mumbled something too low for my ears. I heard the name 'Mike Newton' followed by what sounded like a string of profanities. Emmett grinned.
"Did you say Mike?" Rosalie looked up from her nails, her voice a seductive drawl, sending a furtive smile to Alice that I didn't miss. Emmett, did miss it though, his jaw suddenly became taught, the grin vanishing.
"Yeah," Alice said lightly, playing along to Emmett's expense. His expression was angry now. The grin had disappeared. I looked at Edward to see a smile of grim approval on his face. I could tell he was reading Emmett's thoughts. No doubt Emmett was planning to do something significantly more painful to Mike than just breaking his nose, that was evident just by his expression.
"Lucie collapsed," She said in a matter of fact tone. Ugh! Seriously, did they have to keep saying I collapsed? "And Mike caught her," Rosalie rose an eyebrow in surprise at that, turning to me and putting on a look of envy. Envy for Mike Newton. I had to give it to her; Rosalie could seriously act.
"Oh, Lucie, you're so lucky." Rosalie purred wistfully. She winked to prove it was a joke (probably because I looked horrified) Emmett looked livid. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to release a giggle.
"He didn't catch her actually." Edward's voice was dry and punctual. "I did that." Again. Smug. My scowl returned.
"Show off." I muttered darkly.
I'd officially had enough of their teasing. Yes, Emmett looked hilarious, but somehow the conversation had come back to me 'collapsing' (to use their overly dramatic phrase) and I was jaded by it. Rosalie and Emmett disappeared for a bit after that, I don't think anyone had intentions of following them. Rosalie had said something about 'proving' Emmett that she didn't have an infatuation with Mike. I did not need anymore information on that front.
The atmosphere was odd though. Strained in some respects. Alice and Jasper were perfectly normal, as were Esme and Carlilse, it seemed like ditching school was a regular occurrence for them. Edward however, to be perfectly honest: was annoying me. He was constantly frowning. And to make it worse, Iseemed to constantly be the reason for his scowls. It wouldn't have mattered any other day... but it did now; I didn't want to admit how much they hurt. It was irrational after all. I sat with Emmett (who now looked less angry and was probably less likly to run off and kill Mike) when I walked into the sitting room.
The moment I entered it, Edward left.
I sighed, not sure whether to be annoyed or upset.
"You know, Edward needs a good shove," Emmett commented lightly, "Preferably off something very high up; like a cliff."
I snorted. Emmett had a brilliant way to start conversation.
"A cliff?" I questioned, "Would that even effect him?"
"Probably not," Emmett said, thoughtfully scratching his chin and flashing another grin at me. "But you never know, it might teach him a lesson. Bella jumped off a cliff though… and Esme. I don't think they changed much."
"That settles it then," I said lightly, trying to avert the conversation from mention of Bella again, I couldn't deal with the thoughts that arose at her name. Edward's expression was still burning in my mind, along with the ever dominant darkness.
"What?" Emmett looked genuinely confused. Confused! I grinned in grim satisfaction, resisting to urge to shout something like: ha! How does that feel, huh? I had to admit, I suddenly saw why my confusion made them laugh. Emmett's expression was rather funny.
"Edward's a lost case. If shoving him off a cliff won't help; nothing will." Emmett nodded in solemnity, it just made me grin again. Suddenly however, Emmett's face lit up, it was uncannily like when a light bulb appears over someone's head in a cartoon.
"I know what'll fix him." He stated with pride. I raised my eyebrows. "A good thwack. Again, preferably, to his head." Emmett was practically beaming now, eager for a fight.
I just smiled again. It was silly though. I shouldn't have been smiling. Emmett and I were discussing ways of hitting Edward as a method of somehow improving him. It really shouldn't have been a laughing matter. It appeared I'd discovered something about myself.
I had a rather sick sense of humour, and so, it seemed, did Emmett.
That thought made the wry smile form over my lips again.
***
Time passed easily here, I thought to myself as Esme began to cook some food for me. Jasper (who until this point, I hadn't seen much) was now with Alice. They didn't talk a lot, but I could see how his eyes followed her, how each of their movements was synchronised together, perfectly in sync. Alice disappeared after that, and Jasper gave me an odd look. To me it looked like pity.
I suddenly became very suspicious.
Emmett was talking next to me, but my eyes were watching Jasper. It didn't take long for my suspicions to be confirmed.
"Lucie?" Alice's trilling voice sang from up the staircase. I didn't have time to respond before she whooshed down, supporting several large objects. I stared at them in disbelief. It was amazing - how even in times as chaotic as these - Alice seemed to think my attire was of the uttermost importance.
"Dear God," I muttered darkly as Alice squealed happily, laden with far too many bags for her petite frame. No, scratch that - laden with far too many bags for even Emmett's huge frame. "The dread hour is nigh." Someone from behind me snorted.
Emmett. Big surprise.
"You make it sound like she's going to put you through a painful experience." He remarked, chuckling.
I replied, my voice the epitome of seriousness.
"She is."
***
I had gotten away from Alice pretty much unscathed. I ran a hand through my recently brushed hair, and glowered at the clothes Alice had picked out for me. But I sighed quietly. I knew why Alice had done all that. I could tell something wasn't right; everyone's reactions were too forced. It was a method of distracting me, I knew they didn't want me t be scared. It sickened me how I was reacting to everything. The slightest rough touch had me fainting.
I no longer felt like talking. A horrible image flashed before my eyes once more, Bella, ashen, screaming at me to find my father. The memories I'd blocked were relentless now, determined to force out a scream from me. I pursed my lips.
I gasped, gripping the staircase rail to stay upright. I'd tried to prevent such images before, banished them to a part of my mind in which I could forget. But I couldn't do that. Not when such things had to be dealt with. Again, the images burned behind eyes I hadn't realised I'd shut. Her name left my lips in a choked sound.
"Bella…" I whispered, my fear was rising at the memory of her face, torn in anguish. Edward stiffened. A dark look crossed across his eyes. I wanted to understand his expression, but my attempts were abortive. He looked pained in a way. I knew how much he loved her. How much strain he was under not to run to her there and then.
"She's with the wolves. Victoria made an appearance last night and they won't let her out of their sight. She took some of Bella's clothing, she's got her scent. The wolves are the only thing that can mask it." His words were fast and informative. All emotion had been taken from them. They were dead, matching the glassy look in his eyes. He spoke his next words darkly, as if admitting them was painful to him. "It's… safer for her there…"
I didn't know what to do. Stop staring, that'd be a good starting point! I ignored my thoughts. Edward's hands were balled fists at his sides; the pale skin there was taut, tendons prominent through the snowy texture.
I looked away.
The look across Edward's face scared me more than I was willing to tell myself.
He let out a gust of air beside me; we were the only two in the hallway. He was standing straight as board, his eyes forever flickering to the window. He wanted to find her. I was slumped slightly against the staircase. I sank to the steps silently. The tension in the air was almost palpable. I looked anywhere but at him.
"I don't know what to do…" He said quietly, his words were broken. I looked at him in alarm. I hadn't expected this. He'd been avoiding me, though I'd never put that down to what was now running through my mind. I didn't like the way he sounded so lost.
"What do you mean?" I wanted to kick myself. Why, why, of all times, was my stupid voice breathless?! He didn't seem to notice, his eyes fixed on a point in the sky. I was shocked when he began to speak, his words were fast, and I had to strain my ears to catch them all.
"I saw your dream Lucie." The instant he said the words, my stomach tightened. The air was harder to breathe around me; I couldn't prevent the torrent of thoughts that hit me as I relived it.
The shorter figure presented himself, the same dark cloak billowing in the nonexistent breeze, he was the one who radiated unmistakable power. I could hear the voice again, clearly as I had done previously, it sent multiple shivers through me. I fought against the scream rising in my suddenly hoarse throat. "There's no one else to save you now…"
The hands clasping my shoulders, the clammy touch, the inability to move…
No. The thought was clear in my mind. I held onto that; tried to block out the others.
I concentrated on Edward's voice, hard and clipped. Anything was better than reliving that. He wasn't looking at me when I snapped my eyes open again. He hadn't even noticed the change. I listened to his words, despite the vehemence that underlined his tone. I knew I could take his anger, so long as he wasn't broken I'd be okay.
"And I don't understand it. I don't know how much to place on it, what to believe and what not to. I understand why we all seemed motionless in it. The smaller figure was Alec; he has a power that can desensitize people. He cuts of your senses. He can make you unable to see, hear, smell or feel anything. The Volturi use him to desensitize people as an attack in a war and if they are being merciful to a victim before they kill them. But he didn't do that in your dream, he used it to immobilise us, as means to get to you. Now tell me Lucie, why is that?"
I was stunned into silence. He still wouldn't look at me.
I was terrified. He was getting closer and closer to the truth.
I didn't like his words, they were filled with anger. His balled fists remained pinned to his side, there was a distance of a meter between us and I didn't know whether I wanted that to be shortened or lengthened. He carried on talking when I didn't respond.
"If we're to assume your dreams are foreshadowing of future events like Alice's visions, then we're also assuming that they're accurate to an extent. And if we're assuming they're accurate, then tell me, why do they want you? I've been thinking Lucie, I thought about this, and it doesn't make sense. Have you had dreams like this recently? One's where they want you?"
I didn't answer. Panic was surging through me.
"The Volturi are the most powerful vampire coven Lucie. There are ten vampires just for their guard. Our entire species treats them like royalty, the Deity. They can do anything with their power." His voice was shaking, but despite his words, his tone did not hold respect, or admiration.
It held disgust.
"And they want you." This wasn't a query anymore, it was fact. A statement. Slowly he turned. To face me, I half expected his eyes to be coal black, but they were still gold, a shade of brilliant topaz. I looked down, unwilling for him to see the fear in my eyes.
"And Bella was in your dream Lucie," He said quietly, "she's the only person that can resist Alec's control. She can't feel it; she's impenetrable. It's why I can't read her mind." I didn't say anything, the broken edge had returned to his voice.
Alice came through then, I was grateful for the interruption. Jasper had his hand interlocked with hers; his face was taut, ochre eyes that kept flitting to Alice every few moments.
The tension in the room intensified.
Alice's face was a snowy white, her eyes met Edward's, I didn't miss the horror in them.
"What?" I turned around sharply to see him on his feet, staring at Alice.
"Jeez Edward, calm down." Emmett said, he had the same expression as I, one of confusion. It was the first time I'd seen him affected by something - normally unperturbed. It worried me. This was bad.
"Shut up Emmett." Edward growled, his hands were shaking. He turned to Alice again. "When did you see that?" His voice was commanding, I'd never seen him more livid.
"Edward, it might not be true, she could be fine-" I suddenly knew who they were talking about. Bella.
"I'm leaving." He spat, and before I could blink he'd gone.
Alice looked at Jasper and sighed.
"I knew he'd have that reaction…" She muttered under her breath.
"What happened?" It appeared I was still the only one in the dark, well apart from Emmett maybe. No one answered me for a moment. It was Jasper who eventually spoke.
"Alice had a vision of Bella… it didn't make sense because normally the future's blank whenever she's with the werewolves. Alice was alarmed but couldn't see anything else, we came to look for Carlisle, ran into Edward… and he…"
"Overreacted." Alice summed up with another sigh.
"Surprise, surprise," Someone muttered, it sounded like Emmett. Alice continued as if she hadn't heard his words.
"He's been desperate to go to her all day. The boy has no willpower." I don't know why my chest constricted at her words; I shouldn't have been surprised that Edward had wanted to see Bella. My dream had probably made it harder for him. I grimaced.
Emmett left shortly, Alice and Jasper talked, and I sat on the steps. My throat hurt, I couldn't seem to find my voice. Tired eyes continued to flicker shut every few seconds. A thought was burning in my mind. I couldn't seem to push it away.
"I want to go home." I murmured finally. My voice was weak. The few minutes in which I hadn't said anything had cleared my mind up. I needed to see him. I'd only been gone for a day, I knew Alice would have informed him where I was, and knowing my dad Alice would have convinced him I was fine. But all the same, I needed him. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that I loved him. I hadn't forgotten how important I was to him. He had no idea he important he was to me.
No answer.
Alice stared at the floor, frowning. I knew why she was indecisive; I should have felt selfish for wanting to see him with the recent events. Alice and Jasper probably wanted to find Edward. Still, I relentlessly continued, something unknown was twisting inside me.
Panic.
I had no idea why, but something felt wrong.
"I want to see my dad." My voice didn't sound whiny like I was expecting. In fact, towards the end my voice quietened. Revealing far too much. Petulance would have been a safer option but I couldn't summon it. My head was hurting, I stood up.
"Please?" I whispered.
Jasper was staring at me. He could feel my anxiety. He smiled reassuringly and I felt calm suddenly. I didn't know whether to be grateful or afraid.
"Alice and I will take you."
***
I looked the previous paintings my father had done and felt a sudden tumult of nostalgia. I fought hard against not crumpling to the floor, as unshed tears burned behind my eyes.
I was standing in his study, Alice and Jasper remained in the sitting room, and I was grateful they'd left me alone. I didn't want them to see me like this.
I'd walked into the house, and it had taken me roughly two seconds to realise that something was wrong. The air surrounding me was dark and cold and despite the prevailing light still emanating through the dark clouds, the room felt hostile. Remote and empty.
Like something was missing from it.
Or someone.
It was then that I had ran in here, blocking out the thoughts of what could have happened. Searching for some sign that he was still here. I'd ran upstairs first, searched each room in the house. His car had been in the drive, everything was how it was the last time I'd left it.
I fought stubbornly, relentlessly, against the temptation of unconsciousness. I had to find him. I shook slightly, tears burning in my eyes. I widened them, refusing to let anymore weaknesses show. It just wasn't fair that he had to be like this. I could tell that I was not the only one suffering. And I hated that. Concealing something is one thing, I could cope with that. I didn't want sympathy from the Cullens; they'd already given me something I hadn't had in a long time. A family. I didn't even deserve that. But as I stood in the deserted study, with the books layered with fine dust from non use I wanted no more than to cry.
Because we'd been wrong. My father and I had tried to beat the impossible, and I knew we were failing.
You can never escape the past.
Unconsciously, I walked towards my father's desk, searching for some clue that could tell me what had happened. Frustration welled up inside me as my hands shook, I couldn't do anything. I flitted through the journals and paper that littered the desk, not bothering to read what was inside them. My hand stopped when I reached the brass handle of a drawer though, all the breath left my lungs as a forgotten memory hit.
I was little over seven, staring at the big wooden desk. The intricate engravings on the dark mahogany were hard to decipher from age. My small hand reached out to touch the shiny brass handle, curiosity sparking at what was inside the drawer. The metal was a strange texture; I hadn't expected it to be so cold. When I pulled however, the drawer didn't move, I noticed a small keyhole. It was locked.
There was a sound of the door opening. I turned around quickly on the spot, nearly tripping in the process. My father was in the doorway, running a hand through his dark hair, he looked shocked to see me in his study.
"Lucie," He murmured quietly, quickly walking across the room, "What're you doing sweetie?" I eagerly jumped into his embrace, resting my head at the hollow of his throat and inhaling the familiar smell of old parchment and the smell I associated with a dying fire. The smell of him.
"What's in the drawer daddy?" I asked, quickly prising myself out of his arms and pulling him towards the desk again. He coughed slightly and I wondered if he was sick.
"Nothing honey, just old papers."
"Why is it locked?" I asked quietly.
He stopped for a second, looking at me, a small frown line appearing in the middle of his forehead. I knew the look in is brown eyes, he did that when he was deciding something. I decided to prompt him quietly, "Tell me daddy, please?"
Cautiously, he pulled me onto his shoulders and I suddenly realised I didn't mind what was in the drawer; a piggyback was something I'd much rather prefer. But he whispered something before pulling me up completely.
"That drawer Lucie, is something that'll only be open if I need to message you, okay? It can be our drawer, keep it a secret and if ever I'm not at home one day, you can look in there for answers." I nodded eagerly at the mention of keeping something between us. And squeezing his hand in signal for the run round the house to begin.
With a gasp I was back in the present, my hand outstretched in front of the drawer, the memory quietly fading. I'd never understood his words back then, never once questioned the fervency as he'd whispered the words, or the frown that had appeared on his usually smiling face.
But now, I thought I knew why.
Cautiously, I pulled on the brass handle; it was the same cold texture as I remembered. It opened easily, no longer locked.
And inside, was one single note.
His writing was inimitable, the same nearly illegible scrawl that I'd seen so many times when I watched him work. There was no mistaking that it was he who had written the message. I opened the paper with shaking hands. "Lucie," It was addressed.
If you're the same genius girl I know you are you'll find this note. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye but it's better this way, I promise. I need you to know I'm safe. I have to do this; I can't say where I'm going because I don't know. You need to trust me and not follow, it's what -
There was a smudge where the two words to end that sentence were, the ink had run from tears. I felt my throat constrict as I pictured him writing the note. I couldn't make out whether it had said 'it's what she wants' or 'he wants' the smudge had made it cryptic. I carried on reading, ignoring my trembling ashen hands that shook the paper.
Please don't come after me honey. I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me, I should have told you years ago and I didn't. And it's too late now. I was a coward, I can only hope you'll find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me for that. You were never meant to be part of this, that's why your mother did it all. I'm sorry Lucie, so sorry.
Never forget that I love you. Stay safe, for me.
Dad.
I was vaguely aware that someone else was beside me. Though I hadn't heard the door being used. My head was pounding painfully and now my eyes were stinging from the act of trying to sustain tears. I didn't want to cry. My father hated it when I cried. The note slipped from my grasp as I tried to comprehend the words. They didn't make sense.
In the next few moments, I vaguely recollected voices. Murmured anxious notes passing by me too fast for me to process in the turmoil I was inwardly experiencing. I heard my name amongst the fray somewhere, but I didn't react. I didn't so much as lift my head in recognition of the sound. Because I no longer cared. My name meant nothing compared to what had happened.
The darkness seemed almost welcoming now. I'd failed him. My father was lost. My father had been taken. I'd been so stupid. And now he was gone, perhaps forever. I didn't even know if he was still alive. There was no point in talking, it wouldn't solve anything. I didn't fell like crying now. No moisture would present itself, as if I didn't deserve the luxury of tears. And it was true. I didn't.
I couldn't see anymore, and I didn't want to; the world had shattered and I was no more than debris. Crumpled. Lost. And broken.
"Whoa, steady there." A hand was gripping my elbow, stopping whatever collapse I would have made. I didn't realise I'd been shaking till that point. I knew I was trembling; it explained why I couldn't stand straight, but I didn't feel it.
Suddenly I was aware of more then just one hand steadying me; I could hear Jasper's voice in my ear, a rough, anxious bass - coaxing me. I could feel the power he was inflicting upon me, trying to soothe the chaos. Trying to prevent my fear and replace it by serenity. The emotions he kept enforcing upon me heightened at his touch, the connection stronger. But not strong enough to penetrate the numbness. My stance didn't change; instead, I crumpled into the hard marble. Jasper's strong arms were now suspending me. Preventing my figure from hitting the cold floor.
But nothing was enough to keep me from falling
***
My dreams were chaotic, frantic voices and cries piercing an endless night. It was very hard not to cry out from fear; the scenes I had seen seemed far too vivid to be something I could think up. Logic wasn't something on my side and neither was common sense, in theory I shouldn't have been like this every time I awoke. Dazed and disorientated, with the feeling that I hadn't got any sleep at all.
But still, I didn't open my eyes as I began to regain consciousness, aware of voices above me. I wondered how long I'd been asleep for; the memory of drifting was hazy. The last thing I remembered was Jasper's melodic voice, a lull that I'd been afraid to succumb to.
"So it was intentional? Her father left at his own will?"
"I wouldn't say own will, the note is cryptic but it doesn't seem like a decision he liked. Either the Volturi or Victoria are involved in this, though I can't smell their scent anywhere." My heart stung at the words being said, my mind was too slow to understand who'd said them.
"How long has she been like this?" I recognised Carlisle's smooth tone. A relaxed medical one, a cool hand was against my forehead, taking my temperature. I continued to lie still, not yet ready to say I was awake.
"A few hours," Alice's tone was quiet, anxiety underlined it.
"She needed the rest." Carlisle's voice again, I could hear the approval in his tone. But I heard a sigh; disagreement to Carlisle's words.
"She hasn't been getting any Carlisle, her writhes prove as much." I suppressed a grimace. Writhes? That certainly didn't sound good.
"Jasper, what has she been feeling?"
I knew what he was about to say before he said it.
"Fear."
"Just that?…" Speculation and curiosity burned through the two words.
"No, of course not," Jasper sounded angry; I nearly reopened my eyes in shock, but kept them closed. I couldn't deal with their kindness yet. I needed to compose myself first, Jasper continued, his voice was black. "She terrified Carlisle. And not even for herself. Every second she feels a new emotion, anxiety, despair, anguish… it's unbearable. And this," His voice was quavering slightly, I tried to hold in my gasp, "is only what she's like when she's unconscious. It's worse when she's awake, the child thinks too much."
I didn't know how to react to Jasper's words. Scared by the rage in them.
There was a sigh. Jasper spoke more quietly, his voice was soft, the rage had vanished. He sounded almost rueful.
"She's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders."
There was a long silence. I didn't want to ponder on Jasper's words. I took that moment to prove I was awake.
Hesitantly, I opened my eyes. Carlisle moved slightly to give me space to sit up. Jasper smiled warmly up at me, I was on the familiar blue sofa, they hadn't moved me far. I was still ayhome. The thought gave me warmth, until it was frozen by the bitter despair, the emptiness. My father wasn't here. They began to talk again, Carlisle explained to me that I wasn't hurt, saying that my passing out had been due more to tiredness than anything else. I didn't bother to tell him that it'd been mainly from realisation. I smiled weakly at him though; sincerity was never something Carlisle lacked.
"You're the only one who hasn't referred to that as collapsing." I said lightly, trying to avert the conversation from anything that would enforce that very thing. He smiled at me and then began to talk to Alice, I heard snippets from the conversation, but I didn't try to listen. I sat silently, trying to ignore the hollow ache in my chest. Soon they left the room, I didn't need to ask why. Whatever they were now discussing was probably something they thought would upset me.
"Finally decided to stop feigning sleep?" Jasper commented. I'd forgotten he was in the room, I swivelled round so he him right next to me. My jaw dropped.
"How did you know?" I hissed.
"You're a terrible actress; and your confusion increased significantly." I looked at him for a long moment and then sighed. Of course Jasper would have been able to tell if I'd been asleep or not, I'd forgotten that factor. Still, the news came as a shock; did that mean he meant me to hear the words he said?
"I'm not a child." I muttered.
"What?" Jasper asked.
"Before, you said I thought too much. You referred to me as a child." I said crossly, it was an irrational thing to feel cross about. But I did. I wasn't a child; I was the same physical age as Edward. Seventeen was way beyond my definition of being a child. Jasper shrugged, but elaborated; probably because of the scowl on my face.
"You are a child, in comparison to us all. I could refer to you as human if you'd prefer."
"How about calling me Lucie, you know my name."
"Lucie then. I'm sorry I called you a child." He smiled at me charmingly and I couldn't help a weak one of my own. Whether Jasper was shaping my mood or not, I didn't care. It was nice to feel safe for once. But still the images came to mind, the note in the drawer firm in my memory. I looked at Jasper, his perfect face was concerned. I hated that. I felt awful for him being bale to feel what I was; it was surprising he could stay in the room. He grimaced slightly.
"Sorry," I said quietly, my voice was thick. "You shouldn't have to do this. I'm surprised you haven't left yet. I mean, thanks for… Making me feel calm but, look, you can go you know? I-I don't need you here, I'm-" I hadn't realised that I was choking slightly. Jasper interrupted me.
"I do need to do this Lucie. You're part of our family now." I couldn't help the gratitude that swelled at his words, despite how unworthy I seemed to get such a statement. I didn't feel, like part of their family, a black mark against their perfection. He could tell this. "You're so selfless Lucie and you don't even realise. It isn't fair on you; your father's going to be all right. I promise." I was grateful now for the calm he was sending at me, for once I didn't fight the sensation.
"Thanks." I mumbled quietly, he smiled reassuringly again. Alice and Carlisle re-entered the room again. She was ashen, and in instant Jasper was by her, intertwining his large alabaster fingers with her tiny ones. It didn't take a genius to realise she'd had another vision.
They were talking too fast for me to understand though. Carlisle shot me a sympathetic glance. Even if he couldn't feel my mood; I supposed it wasn't exactly hard to guess. I wanted to tell him how grateful I was for this. How much I cared for them all.
"Carlisle…" He didn't wait for me to say anything else, evidently guessing from the look on my face. He walked swiftly towards the door.
"We'll find him Lucie."
I just nodded, resuming my original position on the sofa quietly. I heard the sound of heavy rain outside as the door closed and smiled slightly. At least someone knew how to use doors in their family. The rest would have to learn from Carlisle, it was alarming that as far as it seemed it took over 300 years for vampires to learn the function of doors.
"Lucie..." Alice was beside me, I was surprised at that; I hadn't seen her. It only added to the confusion. Her voice was high and soft, but I could still hear the worry interlaced in her pealing tone. "We're going to stay here tonight, okay? You-"
"No," I croaked, "We have to find him…"
"We will." She promised, I looked into her eyes, as if trying to catch dishonesty there. None presented itself. A yawn surpassed me. I didn't want to sleep, but it was obvious that I was tired. "You can sleep now," She said quietly. Unaware that my night would be plagued with nightmares. She was wrong. I couldn't sleep. Not now.
"Do you want me to…" Jasper trailed off. I knew what he was implying.
"No, it's okay." I said quietly, Jasper would have sent me to sleep; I had to stay away from him because of that. He frowned; I didn't want to know how many of my emotions he understood. It was probably too many.
I turned away from their anxious gazes without another word, carefully climbing up the stairs to my room.
Where I knew, nothing would await me.
***
There was little light in my room, the very last fading from the day, the sky outside was indigo, the setting sun cast a faint ray of light through my curtains. It cast long ominous shadows. My breathing was erratic and shallow, I couldn't seem to slow it. The darkness continued to close in around me, I was trapped in the suffocating shadows.
The rain was a consistent thrumming against my windows. The sound made me restless. I stood up from my bed for the umpteenth time. Pacing slightly, concentrating on the dim mantra of water hitting glass, anything not to fall asleep. Anything not to think of him. I just wanted to forget.
My mind wandered back to earlier. Edward's face as he talked to Alice, his anger as he asked if I'd had more dreams… and the look in his eyes when I'd been in his arms-
"No." I whispered into the silence. I hadn't meant to say it out loud. The word was choked.
I stared at the floor, ridding myself of thoughts of my him. But when my eyes saw the surface beneath me, I instantly regretted my action. Because the fear hit me again. A fear tainted with culpability and anxiety. It wasn't Edward's face in my mind anymore; it was my father's. There, along one oak floorboard beneath me, was a crack. A crack running diagonally through the wood. Images flashed before my eyes, each terrifying, and slowly leading up to one face. Hair tangled around the wicked smile. Partially obscuring the blood red eyes. The bestial grin and pearl white teeth.
Victoria.
Was it she, who had taken him? Had she been using Bella as a distraction? Or was it someone else completely? I sank to the floor, shaking. Hating that I couldn't work it out. That I was so stupid. It could have been Victoria, she had directly threatened my father, as means to get to me, and punish Edward for killing James. It was a twisted chaos in which my father - utterly innocent - had been sucked into. But it could have been anyone. The Volturi, Aro, Caius, Marcus, Alec, Jane, Demetri…
I could taste the acidic burn in my mouth again at the thought of the last name. Because I had solid evidence to suggest that it had been him, who had taken my father. Both he and Victoria had located my weakness. Tears of fury welled up from behind my eyes, but I didn't let them fall.
How many more people would have to get hurt?
My father was just one of my weaknesses. But it wasn't just him who I cared about. Alice's face flashed before my eyes, followed by Jasper's, Esme's and Carlisle's, Emmett's… even Rosalie's. They were my family now. I loved them all, and it would kill me if they got hurt. If any one else suffered I wouldn't be able to stay together.
It was all because of me.
And finally, his face loomed before my eyes. And I couldn't help it. The tears I had held back for so long fell thick and fast and I couldn't bring myself to stop.
They fell to the oak floor, in sync with the pounding rain.
And suddenly, I realised I wasn't alone in the room.
A noise from the window had me look up, tears were still falling swiftly down my cheeks, but I could sill seem him with perfect clarity. His eyes were staring at me, and they were beseeching. His bronze hair was ruffled by the wind, flecked with diamonds of water from the hammering rain outside. That sound was deaf to me; time seemed to stop momentarily, as if caught. He assessed me in less than a second, appearing instantly by my side. For once, I didn't look away.
It was only after the event did I realise that I'd not stopped trembling. My entire frame was shaking from unreleased sobs of anguish. I tried to stop that, but still tried to look away. I was stuck in a paradox, between two worlds that were impossible. I didn't want to think of the events prior to this moment, and yet I knew I shouldn't focus on him. I would become trapped by his gaze.
He lifted my chin with one elegant finger, reforming the eye contact I'd tried to prevent.
And in that instant; I knew I was already lost.
He wrapped one arm around me, at first I thought it was to prevent the shakes I kept emitting. But his touch wasn't like before. The arms around me were no longer preventing me from falling.
They were pulling me closer.
"What are you doing?" My voice was breathless, my quickening pulse erasing all hope of any cool façade I could have summoned to mask my emotions.
My thoughts weren't much better off; they were incoherent.
He stared at me - his golden eyes blazing and boring into mine - the ray of sunlight against the turbulent indigo of the night sky, devoid of stars.
Gently, slowly, he raised one perfectly sculpted hand to cup my numb cheek, softly caressing the rapidly blushing skin there as if it was satin. His gaze never left mine and my breathing hitched involuntarily at the icy cold touch that radiated an impossible heat for me. The numb had sensation had been eradicated. My skin was ablaze in an electrical flame.
The temperature matched the colour of his eyes, smouldering with an inexplicable ardency I'd never seen before. The most brilliant shade of gold.
His lips mouthed quiet words, they reached me; a muted velvet. Quiet in comparison to the rate of the frenzied blood pounding in my ears.
"I'm making you forget."
And then, he kissed me.
***
*gaspgaspGASP!*
Okay, so approximately how many of you people hate me right now?
I'm sorry if this is showing similarities to the last time this sort of… situation occurred. But I felt like being evil. Again. I felt like being an evil person to leave all who read in suspense as a pathetic attempt to make people review. Now I've told you my grand plan you're not going to review, are you? *grumbles* Anyway. So yup, I left in on a cliffy. I feel EVIL ;)
Bella. Gah. Now, don't assume too much yet. Next chapter I think I'll include an Edward POV so you can all see where Bella was. And what happened between them… and what Alice's vision was all about. (More and more suspense!)
There is one question you should all be asking right now: will the nun side of me return?
Yes, that is the question :p
Now, lets say (hypothetically of course) the nun side of me… vanished. What would all your reactions be? Yay, or nay? (I'm seriously wondering if anyone is understanding this babble today. It's coming out very cryptic…) If I'm to be perfectly honest, I already havethe next 2,000 or so words to this written up. (Because, so far, I think I'm going to stick to my guns. But I really need some stimulating reviews to help. Please?) So yeah, what do you think's gonna happen? Tell me in a review to save me from the mountain load of work. I asked that question to fanpiremari (an amazing reviewer) and her reaction was rather funny. If I recall it was something along the lines of: YES!!! YESSS!!! YESSSSS!!! (Yup. I chortled at that.)
Is it considered sad if I laugh whenever I write words like chortle? BACKTOTHEPOINT…
Though I think there's going to be lots of scary whataboutBELLA?! Reviews. That is perfectly fine people if you think that. Please don't be afraid to voice your views. It'll make the story more enjoyable for you anyhow, I always write based on people's comments. (bwhaha, I just wrote: WhataboutNELLA… And I'm chuckling because of it. It reminds me of nelephants.)
*smacks head* Yeah. If Lucie starts to ramble on about elephants… well, that's me slipping through a bit there. You have no idea how much self control it takes not to write nelephants.…
To all who highlighted the issue of those freaking LOUD birds in my walls, thanks for the condolences. They are still there, an to be perfectly honest I think they're breeding… I swear there is a much larger number of chirps emitting from the walls. It's infuriating. Mouse has been perched on the edge of my desk staring at the wall. Yes. She just stares at it, and looks rather obsessed. Last night there was a particularly loud chirp and Mouse jumped at the wall, taking a poster down with her.
I gave her a severe (well okay, I suppose it wasn't very severe so to speak. But I did threaten not to give her cat food. That's pretty harsh threat to someone as greedy as the oh-so-very-gluttonous-Mouse) telling off - thankfully - this time there was no one to witness. I do not need any more members of my family thinking I'm a person who gives lectures to cats. *cough*
Lily - chirpchirpchirptweetchirpchirpCHIRP! (Urrgghhh! She. Is. Going. To. Go. Crazy.) Oh, and she's love a review or two… to erm, save her from imitating the chirps herself and therefore becoming an annoying unknown species of chirpy bird (chirpy birds remember, cannot update, unless they used their little chirpy beaks to type… but they're too busy chirping for that.) :P