Heyyys!
I AM ALIVE! - Though, theoretically, I could have been transformed into a pig by now.
Before I start to grovel, thank you SO MUCH for all the reviews OVER 1000! YAYY! I'm completely baffled at the response this story's gotten. It only took 317,911 words in 36 ludicrously long chapters… but it's finally got there! You all deserve both a nelephant and a very unique demonic penguin. I really didn't believe I'd ever get over 1000 reviews. This a dream come true. I just hope everyone's not going to not review from now on because of this, please remember they're the best inspirations (yeah, you've officially beaten Mouse) Reviews = fast updates…
Ah, speaking of fast updates…
There are a tremendous amount of excuses as to why this update is so late. I won't give them all, because you'd be bored to death, and I'd end up writing more in the A/N (ha. Did you know I actually have to suppress this babbling habit of mine? I'm not kidding, if I didn't, then there'd be 20,000 word length chapters, half of which - more than half probably - would be me rambling about something entirely pointless. If it's irritating, just say in a review… I'll decrease it…as much as humanely possible…) than the actual chapter. So I'll give you a much more simplified version:
I went on all my holidays, first to Spain with a ridiculous amount of midgets (my small stepsisters and my sister) who, incidentally, all planned to kill me halfway through the holiday. *they all joined this sort of… cult* Their attempts were futile (mainly because, c'mon, to kill me you've got to be smart, *snort*) They included: Pushing me into the swimming pool, at night after we'd eaten, unawares; boring me to death with their countless and tedious games that were extremely repetitive; and (probably the most painful of the three) singing to me until I screamed for them to stop.
I then immediately went to see my cousins (which included a trip to a sinister place known as Monkey World. You'd never guess what it withheld :p) then I went to Wales to see the new Harry Potter film, and laughed at all the inappropriate moments. nearly choking when Dumbledore pronounced 'bezaor' as 'bezzor' … (ha. And cue the confusion about-what-the-hell-I'm-going-on-about…)
Then, I got back, intending to update only to find out that my cat had died. (I go on about that at the bottom…) After I'd recovered, I went to Cornwall, got thoroughly sunburnt again (not tanned. Whatsoever. Despite going to Spain in the summer and miraculously experiencing a non-rainy temperate in Cornwall. I. Didn't. Tan. At. All.)
AND THEN…. *wait for it….* My entire family (save myself) caught… SWINE FLU. Yeah. The pandemic that I couldn't stop making jokes about. (A lesson to be learned there, thou shalt not mock the power of almighty Swine Flu…)
Even a reviewer made a joke about it! "'She let out a sound suspiciously close to a snort at that'
Lucie has SWINE FLU! (sorry, had to do it)" - NeverForgetYourSocks, lookwhathappened! I blame YOU for the misfortune of Swine Flu bestowed upon our household! Just kidding - it's me and my bad luck (well, not my bad luck, I remained healthy. Perhaps I'm just… talented at evading such pandemics :p)
My family are fine now - as am I - but they definitely got it, and - due to some doubtless supernatural power I posses - …I didn't. It's pretty odd… we kept waiting for me to just… collapse with the Swine Flu symptoms, but they never arrived. My friend from Wales passed it to us and I spent most of my time with her (and still didn't get it?!) so… yup. I'm a medical anomaly. It's actually bad I didn't get it because I've been told (when I was eating my lunch) that the virus will mutate over the winter and it's best to catch it earlier when it's mild so that you become immune to it. (And yes - this is what my family talks about when eating lunch, and is commonly the reason why I don't invite friends over :p)
And then I was deduced to shopping for school supplies non stop and experiencing really annoying sinusitis. Annnnnddd Arfff! You would have had this chapter on Saturday, but you didn't, want to know why? My friend has serious asthma with complications. She got that dreaded Swine Flu … and then everything got worse.
Normally it's not that serious. You just feel very lethargic for 5 days, (my dad claimed that he always feels lethargic and was wondering if he had permanent Swine Flu, I said "No, you're just lazy." He denies this and keeps muttering that I've obviously aged him more when I randomly start to babble to him about nelephants) and you get a bad chest or cough. (Though it differs from person to person.) With her, she ended up fainting all the time. Her asthma became so that every other minute she would start wheezing, and she had to take around 5 different pills to stop it. Her food intolerances got worse… basically, she got sick. This meant, the trip she was planning to go on to Iceland (it involved 5 day treks…) well, she couldn't go on that either. So on top of all of that, she got depressed.
And thus, I was summoned. She's okay now, and thoroughly cheered up after 4 days non stop giggling about very random things and getting no sleep from making spoofs in the middle of the night. Anyway - that's another excuse for you. I'm very sorry.
Basically, my holiday has been preeeeettty busy. Which is my excuse for the late update. Everything's in order now, so I promise that this will NEVER happened again. Okay?
I'll shut up with my pathetic excuses, go ahead and read the chapter. Thanks for being so patient. You're much better than I am… I am the epitome of impatient. Oh, and just a warning, this chapter is ridiculously long (not to mention the sheer scale of my babble today :S)… sorry about that.
Arrfff! I will be quiet now, enjoy!
What Happened Last Chapter:
"Wh-what?" I spluttered slightly, my throat still painfully tight, "What do you mean?"
"He's going to have to chose Lucie," He said before running faster, pressing me flat against him, his iron grip never depleting. My sparse breath was becoming harder and harder to control, my pulse skyrocketing. He continued talking, his words almost too fast for me to catch.
"Without realising that it isn't even his choice to make...whatever he chooses; we'll still get you. Aro was adamant about that. Though I can't argue on the fact that a little suffering from Edward" - that had to be the first time I'd heard him say his name - "wouldn't be amusing as well. Heidi should enjoy that…"
I barely caught his last words, spoken with a kind of mutated glee, while the roaring wind rushing in my ears.
"Yes, Aro will be pleased."
***
The Chasm of Chaos
A sensation that I hate most is immobility. To me, it represents little less than helplessness. Stuck in a situation where you cannot move, talk, or breathe. I was like that. Trapped, frozen, immobile. Demetri was running faster still and yet I wasn't fighting back. I wasn't screaming for help, not even trying to stop him. I wanted to, but I couldn't. It was like the blood in my veins had been replaced by ice - leaving me inert in Demetri's perversion of an embrace, as he sped through the trees, determined to deliver me to his master.
I knew I ought to be talking, trying to persuade him to stop… but I couldn't. Something was tight in m throat, preventing speech. I watched the green blur of the forest as he ran, and if the predicament wasn't so terrifying, I might have enjoyed the experience. The eerie beauty such a place seemed to possess and the speed, the feeling of being free.
Yet there was no way you could describe being held in an iron hard grip by a vampire as free.
"Desiderio corrompe. Tentazione poteri. Tenebre consuma. Luce divora…."
Demetri's words had broken the silence. He'd sang the chant in fluid Italian. Desire corrupts, Temptation powers - my mind felt too sluggish to remember the last two. Though it was not the dark words that made me shiver, instead the fervour in which he said them. He seemed to brake out of his thoughts when he turned to me, still never breaking is speed.
"It's ironic how true that is, isn't?" He grinned at me, breathing heavily against my cheek. My stomach turned at the smell of his breath. The foul odour of stale blood now lay thick in the minimal air between us. My reaction to the scent formed in a callous sentence that bubbled from my lips before I could stop it.
"Well, it's more ironic that you smell like a corpse,"
Demetri hissed at me, revealing the sharp white teeth that I knew could bite through fresh as easily as butter.
"Tsk, tsk, it appears your etiquette is poorer than I'd suspected." He said tauntingly. "You really are rather unfortunate: a scrawny child; mundane looks; bad balance and virtually no grace; somewhat anaemic… again, I have no idea what Pretty Boy Cullen saw in you," I noted the past tense, and fear hit me sharply again. "He was better off with that Bella, she at least had looks. Too bad we have you both now," I stared at him, instantly forgetting to compose my features. They had Bella. This fact seemed only just hit me, and I was left stunned by it. Regret and guilt eating away at my insides.
Demetri didn't notice my inner turmoil, he continued in a drawl. "You know, I was going to provide some light entertainment on our trek Luciana," The tone of his voice was darker now, "but if you don't improve you manners more, then our little regime's going to change slightly. Aro wants you, and I shall provide you. He never mentioned anything about needing you whole…" He leered again, "I'm sure a few cuts and scrapes would easily go amiss, don't you?"
"No. Not really…" My voice didn't waver like I thought it would, but I knew that staying silent wasn't going to help anything. He wanted me to retaliate to his words, so retaliate I would. If I could just get him to slow down… I looked up at him through my quivering eyelashes; I was feeling a warped vertigo from being suspended at this level. I lay my chance at trying to make him stop in my next words, simple, but powerful.
"Why are you doing this?" I mentally kicked myself after I'd said it, I'd let too much fear bleed into my voice.
He didn't answer me. I pressed on, determined to figure something out about him. To see if all of him was bad.
"You didn't have to do all that. Take my father, capture me and deliver me like food. You could stop this… you could leave Aro. Don't be so compliant. Darkness isn't the only life for a vampire. Why are you so intent on becoming him?"
"I am not intent on becoming Aro." He snapped icily.
"Not him, your father…" That hang on the air, Demetri looked at me for a fraction of a second. And I saw him differently, he was altered - no longer the sadistic vampire. His dilated pupils seemed wide in fear, and I could imagine the little boy again. Frightened and alone. He seemed to see something in my expression. Shock? Surprise? Sympathy? And then he was scowling at me, only contempt in his expression, all previous emotions wiped away.
"Well, desire does corrupt," He said quietly, going back to the chant he'd said before. Abruptly, I felt angry at him. He refused to believe that he was acting to me just how his father acted to him. The father he despised.
"How fascinating." The muttered sarcastic comment slipped through my lips before I could repress it.
Suddenly Demetri pressed a sharp nail to my forearm, and I couldn't stop the wince that escaped me at the contact.
"I wouldn't be so quick to unleash such words Luciana; they're not very wise, with your… predicament." His voice had become silkily smooth and thick. "Where was I? Oh yes, desire corrupts. You do not understand, do you? Ignorant as you are."
"Ignorance beats incompetence any day." I muttered, my fear spiking higher still when I unleashed my tongue. I hated this. But it was the only way I could get some time to think. Fortunately, he didn't seem as angered as when I'd spoken out of tone before, instead continuing as if I hadn't spoken.
"If I were incompetent Luciana, you wouldn't be in such a dilemma. The chant of Ragnarök remains true, hence its popularity amongst us. For instance, it could very well be my desire to kill you - such a thing, you could say, corrupts me. Taints me even, the blood thirst, the sheer hunger…"
He shot a look at me then, before I'd had time to compose my expression, his crimson rimmed eyes gleamed at the sight of my horror.
He seemed to have realised his slight decrease in speed then, because he moved faster, and I found it hard to even move my head at the speed we were moving. Something fast worse than motion sickness was gripping my stomach.
A pain shot through my arm sharply then, and I looked at it, as if surprised to find it bleeding. Demetri's sharp, claw-like nail had evidently penetrated my skin. I didn't have time to think why it had taken so long to bleed. Slowly, a drop of blood oozed through the pale fabric, landing on Demetri's dark robes. I held my breath, Demetri slowed suddenly, rising his head up to the sky. His last words lay thick on the air. "The sheer hunger…" I watched him, in half curiosity, half horror.
Then, he sniffed (literally sniffed) the air, and both emotions mangled into disgust.
However inconvenient and darn right painful that it surely was, my throbbing arm had given me an idea. I knew I had to keep talking, reminding him of my blood, slowing him… I summoned up what little courage I had left, concentrating hard on keeping my voice calm and even - I couldn't risk Demetri knowing how I was feeling now. Thank goodness he didn't have Jasper's empathic skills.
"Why aren't you succumbing to the thirst?" There was a silence. It was a risk and I knew it. Quite why I was tempting this vampire to suck my blood and kill me I don't know - but it seemed to work. Demetri slowed again, composing his answer. Eventually, he stopped completely.
I didn't know how far we were from Forks - I didn't recognise the terrain; it was browner, earthier. I didn't like it one bit. How far was I from safety?… From Edward? Whispered a part of me. I pushed back those thoughts, concentrating on how to escape from Demetri.
"You are a curious creature Luciana," He mused darkly. I could remember all to well the last vampire who'd said those same words to me. Fire red air suddenly burned behind my eyelids.
Even now though, with a completely different vampire, I could detect two layers - meanings - behind what he'd said. The simple words were complimentary; the tone however, was not. He turned to face me again, holding me so that I could almost touch the ground. But not quite, my feet were about an inch from the earth, I suddenly felt incredibly small. He was taunting me. I set my jaw. "You openly ask why, or how, I am not killing you?" He laughed and the sound made me want to shiver.
I realised he was waiting for a reply, so I did the only thing I could mange in my angry and scared state: I nodded. He adorned a far away look as he spoke, his expression unfathomable.
"I have immense control, I've been sent on many of Aro's requests. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to kill you…" Suddenly the air thickened, his voice was deeper, seductively hypnotic, and it was scaring the hell out of me. "Your blood is potent, but so is the case with many humans, no it's the fact that you're forbidden that makes it so hard. I've already weighed out my chances on whether it would be worth suffering Aro's wrath in exchange for a nice supper…" He grinned at me like I was meant to take all of that as praise.
"And what's the verdict?" My voice came out too high pitched and Demetri leered in response. I couldn't help it. Supper? Demetri was envisioning me as supper?!
"Not worth the risk," Resentment now. "You're too valuable apparently," - this news did the opposite to calm me - "Personally, I don't think so. No, I think of other words to describe you: weak, feeble," he was muttering to himself. "You - humans -" disgust laced his already harsh tone "are frail mockeries in comparison to vampires. Humans rot and die. Each breath you take could be your last, numbered heart beats… flesh so easily broken. Humans are renowned for weakness, vampires for strength. We are, in all senses, the superior race; practically nothing can kill me-"
"Oh, I can think of something."
It wasn't me who'd said that.
Demetri froze, refusing to turn for a moment, until the voice spoke again.
"You know, contrary to popular belief Demetri, vampires don't need to be sadistic parasites."
Demetri, for an instant, seemed to forget he was holding me; I got whipped around at tremendous speed as my captor turned in the opposite direction - towards the voice I was sure I was hallucinating.
"What did you just call me?" Demetri growled, the sound entirely feral. After feeling the strong effects vertigo once more, my eyes focused on the only other figure aside from Demetri and me.
Edward was standing there, as still as a marble statute. His nostrils were dilated and he was visibly fuming. Magnificent and terrifying in his rage. I couldn't understand how he'd managed to keep his words light when his fury was so potent. Still, the sight of him trigged a reaction from me, as the utterly encompassing sheer relief and hope soared in my chest.
"Edward…" I breathed.
For an instant, his eyes left Demetri, landing on me with laser-like precision; I didn't have time to study his topaz gaze before it all happened.
It was like someone had just switched channels very fast on a television, lights flickered behind my eyes as I felt myself slam to the floor, re-hitting my bad arm again. Demetri had dropped me. Everything started moving very quickly after that. I could hear a surfeit of sounds, growls and yells, my eyes tried to pinpoint the exact position of Edward and Demetri as I forced myself into a sitting position.
They looked as though they were dancing. Sharp and swift, synchronised movements more furious than before. I bit back a scream, Demetri was larger than Edward, more experienced, deadlier.
But Edward was faster.
All of a sudden Edward was in the air, having run up the side of a tree, and he'd hit Demetri in the side - forcing him to collide with another tree. (I winced like I'd been wounded each time it happened. Poor trees.) Then, Demetri was up again, advancing slowly now, prowling towards the crouched Edward. Both looked different, wilder. But I could at least see something human in Edward's expression, nothing in Demetri's cold blooded stare.
"She is mine," Hissed Demetri. Excuse me? I sat up sharply, my resolve on staying calm snapping. Demetri claiming I was his? Hot rage flooded to my face as I flushed in anger, unable to bite back my words before they bubbled to my lips.
"What the hell?! I am most certainly not yours!"
Demetri seemed to have forgotten me, in reaction to my outburst, he ran at me - ready to grab me and escape.
Well crud.
***
I caught a glimpse of the dark, brooding black eyes rimmed with crimson, but nothing more. One second Demetri was up next to me, whispering crudely in my ear.
"Got you."
The next moment, he was whipped backwards, a shout of triumph came when Demetri slammed headfirst into the ground a few feet away. My fear continued to spike higher when Demetri stood up again, looking nothing less than livid, snarling and grunting, eyes continually flickering from Edward to me, still slumped on the floor, scrabbling in an attempt to stand. My hair kept falling over my eyes, I could feel what I hoped was mud (instead of blood) sticking it to my cheek.
Edward seemed to know what Demetri was planning
"I wouldn't do that." Edward muttered, his quiet voice somehow loud in the dense forest. "You don't want to go the same way as Felix did, Demetri," He spat at his name like poison.
"You-" Demetri hissed, but stopped himself, looking past us both into the trees. He let out an enraged snarl. "Just wait Pretty Boy, we'll get her. She's already fallen under are feet before. Such an easy prey, don't you agree? I'm surprised you can cope with blood like hers. She won't remain safe or long. Don't undermine the Volturi, power has changed."
With those last enigmatic words, he vanished.
***
Edward was at my side in an instant, prying me off the floor with an inexplicable assiduousness, making sure I was steady on my feet before letting me stand without support.
There must have been something in my expression that caused him to speak. I hadn't had time to get over the shock of what just happened. A mixture of fear, horror, worry, and blissful relief was swelling inside me.
He spoke in a tenuous voice, as if he hadn't spoken in ages - it cracked with something that scared me so much more than anything else previously. Far more than the terrifying battle I'd just witnessed, even more than Felix and Demetri combined.
"I…Lucie, I'm so sorry…"
It was accompanied by a broken look, one of self loathing and hatred. And it hit me. He blamed himself for this, for not saving me sooner… he always tries to stop the inevitable. A part of me whispered. I was human, bound to get hurt.
"And God, I didn't want you to have to see all that - I didn't mean to scare you-" The worry in his voice was so fervent his words became rushed, I had to strain my ears to catch them.
"I've never been scared of you." I breathed. My own voice was calmer than I'd thought I could make it. It certainly didn't portray how I felt, or explain my erratic pulse.
"You should be," He said quietly, lowering his head, "I'm like him Lucie. Deep down, that's all I really am." A sadistic parasite? My mind thought, I shook my head, Edward was nothing like that.
"No," I disagreed, just as quietly, "you're not. Deep down you're this perfect albeit slightly pretentious being who doesn't realise how much others care about him and wish he'd stop treating himself like a monster." The words had slipped from my lips; I shut my mouth shut audibly after I'd said them. Edward's eyes widened.
"Sorry for being pretentious then," He said, the ghost of a smile on his lips.
"Don't be. It's who you are," I said, quietly resting my head against his shoulder, "and thanks for saving me."
Carefully, he swept the hair out of my eyes, but withdrew his hand back shortly after the act, frowning again.
"Are you okay?" He said quietly, the concern in his voice was so potent it was almost tangible. A cruel voice in my head was chanting something, and I couldn't block it out.
You don't even deserve it. It's your fault that all this is happening, that he almost got killed…
"I'm alright." My voice was small.
He continued to look at me, and I felt guilt twist and knot in my stomach. Doubling the nauseous feeling. I knew why that stupid great knot of guilt had formed. I was lying. I was lying because my head was pounding; my ribs ached; my arm continued to throb sharply and I was close to collapsing from it all. All in all, no: I most certainly was not alright. The lie, to me, seemed obvious in not only my voice (because of how plain weak I sounded). But also my expression (which, incidentally, was now halfway between a sort of blasé composed calm and grimace. In short: not very convincing.) In fact, even if I had been fine, I would have expected Edward to check my temperature, to verify I was telling the truth, to make sure…
Which was why I was so shocked when he nodded. Just nodded. Accepted that I was fine, instead of pressing the issue further. It took me a while to compose my look of shock. I was just about to break the silence when suddenly, Edward staggered.
Fear shot through me like ice, followed just as quickly by realisation. Of course he wasn't checking. He was hurt. There I was worrying about my stupid health when he'd been the one fighting Felix and then Demetri single-handedly.
I felt sick, he'd hidden his face from me, the tousled bronze hair fell in such a way over his face that it prevented me from analyzing his expression; my fingers itched to brush it away.
I reached out for him, trying to quell the shakes in my arm, only to have my hand swiped back in response. The pain that should have come with the force of the movement was dull to me, but it made Edward look up in concern for my health again.
Edward's eyes met mine, wide and filled with too many emotions, making up the complexity of his golden gaze.
"I'm sorry." He repeated again, I could tell he wasn't breathing.
"You shouldn't be, I'm okay," I said, then, after a pause I added, "how did you do it - fight them off? Felix, where is he? What did you mean when you threatened Demetri? Is he dead? Oh crap, he hurt you, didn't he," - that was a statement, not a question, but Edward frowned shaking his head.
"Don't worry Lucie," He gave me a weak smile. "Felix didn't hurt me; I'm alright, really-"
"You're not! He has hurt you!" I gestured wildly to his posture, still slumped against the tree trunk. Again, I tried to go to him, desperate to help, but his arm restrained me - making sure I kept my distance. Confusion flooded me, Edward sighed softly.
"Look Lucie, Felix isn't dead, and he didn't hurt me," knowing I was about to protest again, he spoke faster. "I told Demetri that to frighten him off, he was going to take you - I could see what he was panning to do. But his strategy had flaws, so I just said that to distract him."
"But if Felix isn't dead… then what…?" I trailed off, confused to the extreme, I felt close light-headed,. Edward didn't need any more prompting.
"He ran off, the coward."
The bitterness in Edward's tone shocked me, though I hid it from my expression - glad, not for the last time, that he couldn't access my thoughts.
"But he hurt you-" My lower lip began to tremble all of a sudden. Edward spoke quickly in an attempt to calm me down.
"Well, yes, but only slightly. Look, Demetri hit me in the side - I was already weakened - I didn't see the movement in his mind, he acted on a caprice, without thinking, he managed to bite me." I stared at him in horror.
"He bit you?"
"And I'm okay-" He said quickly, evidently noting the alarm in my eyes, "it will heal soon enough, vampire venom acts as morphine, I'll be fine in a minute. You've seen Jasper's past, he's been bitten tonnes of times and he's fine."
This news didn't calm me. If Edward was fine, then why was he half slumped against the tree?!
I didn't like the way my voice sounded to my ears. It was too shrill, too high, too close to hysteria. "You're sure you're okay, I mean Felix just, I-" My words became less and less coherent the more furious my tone became, "I don't believe he - you shouldn't have - I'm going to kill them. Felix, then Demetri, and I can't - I hate - ugh! I can't even talk to you." I looked up at him, flushed from breathing too heavily and fighting down a strong urge to hit something. Preferably Demetri (though I'd be equally satisfied with decapitating Felix.)
Oh, Crud. This was officially it. (My reign of insanity had begun.) I was actually envisioning running up to Volturi vampires armed with nothing more than a large axe and intent on chopping their heads off. Something was definitely wrong with me. I tried talking again, with little success.
"They can't just do this, I mean; they're meant to be like a police force right? And they just - stupid sadistic blood thirsty - I won't let them hurt you - they're idiots, I'm going to kill-"
I didn't realise I'd been failing my arms about until Edward clasped my hands in his, snapping me out of my deranged thoughts.
I wasn't prepared for his expression. The previous gaunt look was eradicated, he was looking down at me fondly, an eyebrow raised slightly higher than the other, amused at my reaction to everything.
Gradually, a smile fell over his lips.
"You are so…" He struggled for a word.
"Crazy?" I put in, biting back the hysteria. He shook his head.
"No, just…different." His smile was cryptic, but I couldn't help the petulant look that fell slightly across my face.
"Different? Edward, that makes everything sound worse… I mean, at least crazy isn't that bad, I could have perceived it as just a little odd, but different? Psychopaths are different, I-"
But he silenced me.
Without warning, He pressed his lips to my forehead, enveloping me in his scent. It washed over me, and I breathed it in rapidly, not able to get enough. It was like a sedative to the pain I'd been trying to ignore.
Instantly - as if reacting to my thoughts (even though he couldn't read them) like a stimulus - he stiffened, grasping me firmly, hardly, moving too quickly so that I couldn't protest. He'd pulled away again, but was suddenly on his feet and I was cradled in his arms, his face only an inch from mine.
Edward's eyes widened, he placed a hand to my head, relinquishing it less than a second later, as if my skin burnt him.
"You're burning up…" He whispered, his voice was scared. Agitated. Now 180 degrees from what it had been seconds before. There was a thumping sound; the pulse in my temple was jumping, faster, louder. I felt dizzy again, but it was worse, tears threatened to spill over now, my sight became blurry through a film of moisture. I was horrified, I didn't want to cry. There wasn't even a rational explanation for me wanting to cry…well, aside from the pain in my arm, and my head, and that light-headed feeling…okay, maybe there was.
Edward lifted up the sleeve of my shirt and sucked in air sharply, a dark looked crossed his eyes - sucking in air while I was bleeding was probably not the best idea…
My eyes followed his, resting on the pale skin of my forearm.
The wound was deep, my ivory skin ribboned in blood, the previous scratches reopened from my fall.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
A mixture of agitation and horror seemed to be gripping him. His voice was low, the usually melodic timbre sounding as though it was about to crack. He held me close to his chest, despite the blood. And though it felt like I was being crushed into him, he held me with delicacy - a contrast to his rigid stance, as if scared I was about to break.
I couldn't answer. I was scared how much he'd see in my eyes, there were things I didn't even know myself, and if my suspicions were correct, things that I could never tell him.
And then everything shimmered like smashed crystal. The state of coconsciousness I'd been trying so hard to hold onto was fraying. Iridescent, butterfly-wing colours flashed behind my eyes, eyes that had somehow closed, and I was falling, falling… I was balanced precariously on the edge of a precipice, and I knew I was about to fall, or maybe I had fallen, or was I falling? The sensations were coming so thick and fast it was hard to tell.
I barely caught Edward's words, so faint they sounded like leaves in a turbulent gust of air.
"We need to get you to Carlisle, now."
But I knew he was already running.
***
The last few minutes had been chaotic. Well, chaotic was an understatement really.
Edward had started running, and the speed set me off. I became increasingly dizzier and couldn't think straight. I hadn't even realised when we'd skidded to a holt. In fact, I suspected that I would have fainted if the situation had differed. But I didn't faint. Why? Because I got a shock that jerked me very sharply back into consciousness.
Edward had taken his shirt off.
This, procured - what would have normally been an amusing - reaction from me, if I wasn't bleeding, and close to lack of consciousness anyway. I let out a muffled shriek of shock, until Edward gave me a confused look, and began wrapping his shirt around my arm to stop it bleeding. The conversation still rang in my ears.
"What the-" That was about as articulate as I could manage in my…rather stunned state. He'd replied (somehow managing to stay calm, which was the complete opposite of what I was) still trying to determine why I'd shrieked.
"Lucie, you're bleeding, this is the only way I could have stopped the blood flow, it was either your shirt or mine." I'd scowled at him. Seriously. Did he have to be so blunt about it?
Then, I'd spent the rest of my time furiously trying to concentrate on something else whilst Edward was running with me and making sure that there was no way he could see how red I'd turned.
And now, we were near the house. Carefully I turned around, concentrating on not getting distracted, staring intently at his face. It was getting increasingly hard to not just stare at his marble chest. I mentally hit myself. I knew I had to bottle up these feelings; they were stupid, irrational… and completely unrequited. My mind added bitterly.
"Put me down, I can walk this far."
I suppose I shouldn't have been very surprised at his response.
"No."
"No? What? Look, I'm fine," I waved my arms around a bit as if this proved something. He raised an eyebrow. Sardonic Speculation etched on his features. I couldn't help it. I lost my hold on civilly calm, adding crossly, "I can walk - honest."
Edward didn't remove his arms. I looked at him again, my natural and instinctive irritation bubbling into my voice at the thought of him deeming me incompetent to even walk. Seriously, if Edward had things his way, I'd bet I'd never be allowed to walk. What was with vampires and carrying people? "I'm fine Edward," I repeated, slightly tersely, "please, place me on the floor - I've had enough of being carried." He let out a gust of air I knew he'd been holding for over five minutes now.
"Lucie, you nearly fainted, again." Okay, so strictly speaking… well, okay yes, he was entirely right about that. I struggled for a quick response.
"Ah," I said hurriedly, Edward didn't roll his eyes like I'd expected, he looked too angry. "But there's a key word in there, isn't there? Nearly. I nearly fainted. I didn't actually faint, once you'd stopped the whole blood flow-" I cut myself short at that; I did not need to think about that right now. Not when it just conjured up images of how Edward was now only clad from the waist downwards.
And coming to think of it, seeing as Edward was: a vampire, it wasn't really good to remind him about it either...evidently spending a lot of time with vampires didn't actually make you more sensitive to the 'blood' related topics. I looked back at him, m neck flushing slightly after I realised I'd stopped talking. "After… after you patched me up I was okay."
Edward's brows knitted together as he assessed me (yeah - assessment, typical) I let out an impatient huff and eventually he let me stand. The house's lights were on in the distance, and I could already see a flicker of silver which I knew to be Alice at the window, now running to us. I made to stride purposefully forward but I moved too quickly, stumbling slightly on the uneven ground. A second later I felt Edward's breath against my ear.
"I'm carrying you," He breathed, his voice portraying how completely definite he was in this decision, I opened my mouth to object but before I could he added "-whether you like it or not." He did. We were beside Alice now, and the movement was too fast for me to make out whether Alice had run to us, or whether we'd run to her. I felt shaky actually; it was hard to focus on Alice's small pixie face in the dim light. She had something bundled in her small hands, it was a shirt; she'd foreseen this moment. I caught a glimpse of the ground too, it was a darker green than I'd realised, the day was ending and preparing for night.
The shaky feeling didn't let up. Nausea rolled over me when I tried to push Edward's arms away, so I became reluctantly pliant. I felt my eyes close for a moment, letting Alice's soprano voice wash over me as she spoke with a furious pace that I could never match, though at the sound at her last few words I snapped my eyes open again. Scared that I'd closed them, and more scared at how feeble I felt in Edward's hard arms. My arms and legs felt like jelly, the brief movement had left me enumerated more than I was willing to admit. I looked at Alice. There was something in her expression that I couldn't place. The closet thing to it was immense concentration, I heard Edward growl something lowly, and caught a few scattered words:
"What are you keeping from me Alice? I can tell you're blocking me from seeing…" and "Alice! Tell me, what other person? Who else do the Volturi want? I don't understand-" But he was cut off by Alice again.
"Edward! Please, I just need to go in a minute - I'll help her inside but then me and Jazz need to go... It's nothing, If I tell you, you're just going to leave her, just - oh look at her! Edward you can't seriously consider doing anything else but help her at the moment - we need Carlisle. "
"I was doing that…"
"What?" I managed to make myself speak, "What's happening?" They both ignored me, after a long moment (in which Alice and Edward just… stared at each other, it was pretty intense) Edward gave a sigh, and we were moving again. Edward was striding, though the speed was faster than most people's sprints, and I could tell just by his taut jaw that he was angry with Alice.
"Lucie, Lucie look at me," Alice's golden eyes were the brightest thing I could see, I focused harder - forcing myself to keep taking deep, steady breaths. I was scared - and I openly admitted to that. I was scared at Edward's broken and angry persona, scared at my inability to remain awake, and scared for wherever the hell my father was. "Listen Lucie, Carlisle's here, you're okay now, I can help once he's cleared up the blood, Rosalie and Edward will tail Demetri-"
"What?" I spluttered, my senses sharpened at her mention of Edward leaving, (I ignored her mention of blood, I didn't want to think about the pain in my arm) I twisted round to look at him, but he didn't return my gaze. "No, no, I'm fine Alice. It's just a scratch-" But I stopped, silenced when I saw that they'd moved me again.
We were inside now, Alice vanished suddenly, I only heard her saying, 'she's still bleeding' to Edward before I noticed we weren't alone.
Alice was by Jasper now, holding his hand with what I knew would be inhuman strength, she whispered to him, and I heard Edward mutter something. Carlisle walked in briskly, his expression one of medical calm, and Esme flitted to my side.
Everything was happening too quickly.
I heard one sentence of Alice's words, spoken to Jasper before he vanished from the room. "Go Jazz, I'll follow soon," Was my blood affecting Jasper? Was that why he left? It was inconvenient; I wouldn't have minded his power now. Calmness was an emotion I couldn't even imagine, let alone summon.
Finally, after what seemed like hundreds of secret conversations that I wasn't part of, Emmett spoke.
"Whoa Luce, what happened?" He was grinning at me, and I felt a small portion of gratitude towards the scarily big guy (vampire guy at that). At least he didn't treat me like someone with the plague - or one of the mentally handicapped. I felt Edward's stance shift slightly as he glared at Emmett - clearly far from amused at his jovial tone. I wanted to reply with a hearty: I just escaped death from two bad vampires, who for some reason want to take me to Volterra to kill me. But a small portion of my mind told me that such response really wouldn't go down to well with the over-protective family.
"What do you mean?" Asked Rosalie when I didn't reply. Emmett made a gesture at my posture, sprawled across Edward's arms. Great. He continued in the same amused tone.
"Well, she's bleeding," His eyes adorned the same look as Carlisle's as he put on a medical air. I scowled, my earlier assumption of him treating me differently was evidently far from correct, "her shirt's torn, she's dirty," - and cue the oh-so-predictable-grin at the other meanings behind that word - "She's too pale for a human, her face looks like she went into anaphylactic shock… need I go on?" Ah, it was nice to know my attractive status. Anaphylactic shock? That was certainly a new one.
"Thank you for that synopsis Emmett," Carlisle said, taking me away from Edward and placing something cold against my arm, I looked away from it, convincing myself that I'd imagined Edward's reluctance at letting go of me again. "But Edward," His tone was suddenly serious, as he simultaneously began treating my arm. "What happened?"
Edward was blunt, his voice detached somehow - he looked only at Carlisle as he spoke.
"Felix and Demetri attacked us."
The room lapsed into silence.
***
Carlisle was the first to regain composure.
"Impossible."
I saw his eyes flicker to me, and felt Esme put a soft hand over mine, pulling me gently to an armchair, wanting me to sit. My arm was now bandaged up, a dull stinging informed me Carlisle had cleaned and sterilised the wound when he'd been pulling out various bottled substances (very quickly I might add). I'd had to take something too, a painkiller of some kind. I didn't appreciate the drowsy feeling that I was sure had been intentional. Esme mentioned food several times, but I felt sick - the prospect of eating something with my stomach in such a state wasn't appealing.
I felt Esme pulling gently on my good arm again, her kind eyes beseeching me, but I was rigid, my own eyes never leaving Edward's face. A blank mask as he read Carlisle's thoughts. His voice was that cool, composed calm that did little less than terrify me.
"Is it?" There was a pause, Emmett gave an explicit grunt - evidently it wasn't just me who was disgruntled by only hearing half the conversation. "Think about it Carlisle, I doubt Demetri and Felix left Aro. We both know he's the one with power - they wouldn't desert that. No, I think he ordered them to," He frowned suddenly at whatever Carlisle's silent response was, "yes but is this the only time though?" He disagreed quietly.
It could have either been yet another of Emmett's grunts or Alice's delicate cough that finally made Carlisle speak out loud.
"What other intentions does he have Edward, aside from," His eyes rested on my face again, I felt embarrassed at how pathetic I must have looked, (especially since Emmett's rather candid description) "… well, assuming Lucie even is the reason for all this-"
"They want me." I interjected, my voice, though small, was steady. "I'm sure about that much Carlisle… Demetri when he… well when he got to me kept saying something… something like: 'I don't know why Aro even wants you.' And I don't know why he wants me," It was unnerving how silent the room was again, each person riveted on my words, "but he does. Maybe he hasn't told his… entourage, guard whatever, what his intentions are, but I'm the reason for all this chaos. I'm so s-"
"Don't say you're sorry," Growled Edward, Esme's hands were clutching both of mine now, I let her lead me to the sofa this time, hurt by the harshness in Edward's tone. He turned back to Carlisle, "Look, Aro wanted - still wants - Alice and me, last time in Volterra I saw his mind… he has this image of Alice by his side and me at the other, the idea intoxicated him - the ultimate power of both the present and future-"
Alice gasped in realisation.
"And Lucie's the past…"
The room lapsed into silence again as the news sank in. Edward exhaled slowly.
"Exactly."
I was like the rest, unable to frame articulate sentence at this point, as the scale of what was happening dawned once more. The thing that scared me most though (in relation to Edward's words) was how much he'd left out. I could still remember the look on his face when I said the words I'd heard sang in my dream. It was imbedded in my vision, his marble more pale, eyes wide, shock and horror etched into his features whiter somehow.
Part of me wanted to speak up, to say that this wasn't the only reason that the Volturi were after me, that I thought my dreams were a more than significant enough portent to prove as such. But the other part of me, the more dominant one, wanted to stay silent.
Edward however, saw my expression. Perhaps my eyes gave too much away, or maybe it was how pale I looked - I don't know what, but something in my expression spurred him on to say more.
"Aro is stuck," His voice almost seemed to catch, but he cleared his throat slightly before continuing, "Between two desires. He wants Lucie's blood and wants her to be in his guard. It's a paradox he can't escape. Because he can't have the first unless he's willing to sacrifice the other. He wants us like a trophy I guess, it's why he keeps gifted vampires. He collects them." The disgust was explicit in his voice.
There was another round of looks to each other, but Edward didn't stop, his tone of voice changed slightly, more fervent now.
"He's not going to stop Carlisle. The Volturi are no longer to be trusted - they've already broken laws. I can't - won't - stand for this any more…"
Carlisle looked shocked, saying only "Of course not son," Esme spoke now, her voice small and heavy with concern.
"We'll stay together though Edward - Alice said you and Rosalie would go after them," It was only at the mention of Alice's name did I realise her absence. "I don't want that. It's better if we stay together; I doubt a mutual agreement can be made, so there's really no point in going to Volterra-"
"Wait." Interjected Emmett, standing forward brusquely, "What's all this about Rose and Edward going?" Esme explained to him what they'd planned, Emmett's face didn't change, remaining (and there was no other way I could describe it) almost petulant in discovering he wasn't allocated to fight. "There is no way I'm not fighting. Bring on the Volturi; it's been a while since I've-"
"This isn't a game!" Roared Edward.
There was another silence. Tension thick on the cool air.
"We know that Edward," Rosalie finally said, her voice wasn't it's usual sardonic harmony, it was quieter now. More sincere than I'd ever heard it. "But you can't blame him for wanting to help. We're wasting time arguing, Jasper and Alice-"
"What did she see?" Edward cut across her, straining directly into her eyes, reading her mind.
"I don't know Edward, none of us do."
Edward sighed, running a hand through his hair. I slouched back against the couch unwillingly. My head was hurting again, and the drowsy feeling hadn't abated. If anything, it was worse.
Simultaneously, every Cullen turned their head towards the doorway, I was left utterly perplexed. Their postures were taut, stances abruptly defensive, Emmett moved to Rosalie's side, in front of her protectively. Carlisle came to Esme's. I didn't have a clue what was going on.
Until there was a loud bang. Then, I snapped my head towards the doorway too, and heck, I was shocked with who I saw there, adorned only in a pair of worn out jeans cut at the knee to form shorts. His muscular frame tensed and irate, with russet skin that I knew would be burning.
Jacob Black stared at Edward, ignoring everyone else.
Suddenly, it was like I had an epiphany. The conversation about Alice before ran over in my mind, and everything fell into place, the things I'd forgotten resurfaced, I stared at Jacob in terror. Standing up so quickly that I felt faint, my previous fatigue vanishing momentarily, blood roaring in my ears, as I now knew exactly what his purpose was.
When he spoke, I felt myself become taken aback, as if I'd expected a hard, rough noise to come out of his mouth. Instead, his voice was throaty and deep, cracking with perceptible pain, heartfelt emotion pouring through the tough façade. I knew the words before he said them.
"They've got Bella."
***
I don't think anyone expected Edward's reaction to that.
The room, for what felt like the umpteenth time today, fell into silence again. Everyone had turned to look at Edward, who I had expected to shout. Yell. Somehow show his anger. He didn't. What happened was much worse. He didn't move for a moment. Just stared at Jacob, horror plain on his features.
"What?" He whispered, and the raw emotion in his voice was terrible. Broken and hateful.
"You heard me," Jacob's voice became harder, though it was still tinged with agony, "they've taken her. We couldn't stop it. She left in the morning… I don't know what happened. Paul reported it, he came back - and, she…she was gone." Jacob stopped looking at Edward then, his eyes scoured the immaculate room, resting on me, standing white faced before the sofa.
"She kept mentioning you." Jacob whispered to me. I looked back at him, not knowing whether he hated me for what had happened. He continued. "In her sleep - she shouts out you know. Every night she'd whisper something different. But she'd always call out to you: 'Why did you do it Lucie? They know how you act. Stop. Let him go!'" My blood ran cold, and I paled further still, which wasn't much of a feat. I tried to say something but my throat closed up. Esme pulled me to her side protectively and Jacob narrowed his eyes at her. "That's right." He whispered, "protect her, forget about Bella." Esme looked shocked, shame falling over her kind face.
"Can you give us some privacy?" Edward said tersely all of a sudden.
I heard Emmett swear under his breath. A muttered "Yeah, let us stay in the dark again Edward," barely reached my ears as Carlisle ushered us out of the room. I was slow to move, my eyes fixed on both Edward and Jacob.
"And then she'd mention you-" He looked at Edward, and now there was no hiding his disgust. "Always you. Always the same. When she called out for you she'd start screaming: 'Edward!' … you killed her, what you did. When you left. She's never healed properly." Esme was pulling me through the door, and we were sitting in another room, one I hadn't seen before.
I could still hear though, and I knew the Cullens could too. The door was left slightly ajar. Each of us were as motionless as statues.
Edward's voice was louder.
"It was to protect her. I thought you of all dogs could understand-"
"Leaving her? You thought that leaving her would settle everything out? Fix the mess you caused?" Both voices were getting hotter. "Let me put it this way Edward," I heard Jacob growl, "I promised her if they ever got her, I would personally fight through hoards of bloodsuckers to get her back. You included. That status hasn't changed."
"You can't defeat us, any member of our coven is competent at killing you, the only reason it hasn't happened before now is because I knew Bella would be upset."
"Bit late for that now, huh?"
"Where did she go? I could still catch up, look I will kill you if you carry on wasting time like this-" Jacob interrupted with a bark of a laugh.
"I wouldn't bet on that Cullen, our pack's numbers have risen significantly. Happens when your lot are in the near vicinity. They're outside now, you're surrounded. All I have to do is say the word-" Emmett rose to his feat, fists clenched. The only thing restraining him was Rosalie's hand, resting on his arm.
"Don't." She mouthed quietly.
"You wouldn't." Edward was still arguing, "We haven't broken any laws."
"And I don't care, look leech, let's get this straight: I don't like you and-"
"I despise you,"
"Right." Agreed Jacob, "but we both love Bella right?"
There wasn't a hesitation.
"Yes."
There was a pause, and then Jacob spoke, his voice animated but grim.
"Then let's figure out a way to get her back."
***
It appeared that it was only me who was left in the dark now.
Shortly after Edward and Jacob's 'heated discussion' as Emmett liked to refer to it, Rosalie of all people, had insisted on speaking to the rest of the pack. Everyone had joined that discussion, except myself. I'd stayed in the unfamiliarly sterile room of the Cullen's house waiting. My mind flitted to my father's anxious face. And a burning feeling in my throat rose up. Esme and Carlisle had come to check on me, but after Carlisle had asked a few medical questions an awkward silence had fallen between us.
After three minutes or so of an uncomfortable lack of conversation, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett entered the room. The wolves were still outside, I saw Seth - a slightly smaller, sandy coloured wolf, through the window. I tore my eyes away from the darkness, wondering who was going to speak.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Esme rise slightly on her feet to whisper in Carlisle's ear - her words were too quiet for my human ears, but evidently not to the rest of the Cullens. As if on some invisible cue they vanished from the room, leaving Edward and I alone. Edward made another sighing sound, muttering about distrust and impertinence. Eventually he looked at me again, with a certain air of both weariness and irritation, he spoke - jaw tight, emphasizing each word slowly.
"Lucie," There was an unfamiliar tightness in his voice when he said my name, as if the syllables were acid on his tongue. "Go to Rosalie, she'll sort you out." He turned away from me, as if my dishevelled presence hurt his eyes.
I wasn't late in replying to that. My response was instinctive.
"No." I'd made up my mind when I'd been left alone. Surprisingly, I'd half welcomed the exclusion, it gave me time to think. Instead of relying on disjointed impulses to guide me forward.
Edward turned then, slowly at first, and then in a movement so fast I didn't even have time to draw breath he was in front of me, visibly fuming.
"What?" He said, voice flat and hard. The only spark emotion laced in the cold tone was incredulity.
"I said no; I need to find him Edward, just like you need to find Bella, I can't just stay here. I won't-"
"You will," He said through clenched teeth, "So help me Lucie you have to stay, I'm not letting you anywhere near them-" The blood rushed to my face, fuelled by irritation and vexation. I half ran at him, forcing him to look at me, nearly shouting - my voice and mind close to frenzy.
"No! You can't do that! You can't keep me here, locked up like a child-"
"What more are you?" He shot back, and I turned abruptly scarlet, then blanched suddenly (which was a pretty dramatic change in complexion) as Demetri's words rang in my ears, cold and cruel, and horribly accurate: "You really are rather unfortunate: a scrawny child; mundane looks; bad balance and virtually no grace; somewhat anaemic… again, I have no idea what Pretty Boy Cullen saw in you," I cringed at the words. How wrong Demetri had been, Edward had never seen anything in me…
My voice was quieter when I spoke though just as determined, my attempts to make him take me were becoming more impetuous, reckless words that I knew wouldn't convince him.
"I won't stay I'll run… I need to find him. It's been days Edward, they could have…"- I couldn't bring myself to say it - "they might have hurt him. Carlisle said there's nothing seriously wrong with me, I'm fine Edward. Why can't you just take me with you-?"
"Because you'll just make everything worse!" He roared, silencing me, he continued in a bitter voice - his eyes focused on the floor as he whispered the rest. I wished he'd just look at me. Somehow, without seeing his eyes everything became colder. There was no way I could judge how true he was being.
"You're careless Lucie, careless and oblivious. Your father's in danger because of you. It's not him they're after, and running after him is what they want. A trap. One that I thought you would have worked out by now. I saw that note Luciana. Do him a favour and stay safe. Stay out of this."
He'd silenced me, I stared at him in shock and vexation, angry that he'd read the note my father had left for me.
"It's me Aro wants…"
"Is it now?" Edward muttered darkly, "Lucie, you aren't the focal point to everything. Life doesn't just revolve around you. Aro has Bella. Not you, her. And do you know why that is?"
There was too much resentment in his voice now. It was too laced with underlying bitterness and hate. The look on his face was hollow, sullen and white. I didn't speak. And Edward continued, finally looking up into my eyes, I found myself wishing I could break the contact that I'd been so desperate for moments before.
"Because I didn't protect her, I didn't even try to protect her. I forgot everything and everyone that wasn't you."
He glared at me, silently daring me to contradict him, to shout something else. But I couldn't. The truth burned in his golden eyes, full of a loathing I knew wasn't directed at me, but at himself.
***
Edward hadn't returned from outside.
He refused to talk with the rest of the Cullens, continually reminding us all of time. Though some part of me knew it was just another way to avoid me. I felt shaky and sick all over again. The rest of the Cullens were quietly discussing things standing up a few feet away. Only Esme stayed by me, the same genuine concern seemed to be set in her expression when our eyes met.
"Esme," I said quietly, not wanting interrupt their discussion for such a mundane cause. "Do you mind if I go into the kitchen," She looked confused by my words, and as if on cue, my stomach decided to rumble for me. Comprehension flashed across her butterscotch eyes.
"Oh yeah, sure sweetie," She smiled, seemingly pleased by my hunger. I returned the warm look, wishing that I was hungry. But in fact, I'd never felt more sick. She stood up suddenly, "Do you want me to cook you something?" She asked, her eyes bright with an affection akin to maternal care. Tears welled up in my eyes, I blinked them back furiously. There was no reason to cry. Not now, not ever.
"No," The effort it took to keep my voice normal actually hurt, "I'll just get something, an apple and bread…" I trailed off, wilding thinking of excuses, "you probably need to hear this," I turned my head in direction to Carlisle and the others. Esme gave me one last assessing look, before nodding quietly, and joining the discussion once more. I exited the room as quietly as possible, glad that no-one seemed to notice my absence. I shut the heavy kitchen door, breathing deep, shaking breaths.
I didn't even make it to the fridge.
I felt my entire body slump to the floor, my mind whirring. Regret and guilt twisting my stomach.
I tried to stand up, but stumbled again my bandaged arm glancing off the counter's corner, sending a sharp bout of agony up to my shoulder. I bit my lip hard to stop myself from yelling out. Tears, that had been suppressed for so long now, streamed inexorably down my cheeks as I stood, gripping the counter with white knuckles and staring at my tarnished reflection in the window.
It was worse than I'd imagined. I looked dishevelled alright: my hair windswept and tangled, dark green stains on jeans and a rip in the sleeve of the white shirt. A shirt incidentally, that was now splattered with dark droplets of crimson just above the bandage on my forearm. I eased it up slightly and winced, horrified when I saw the pattern of purple bruises across my ribs. Carlisle had been too intent on Edward's words to check the basics. I was glad he hadn't seen this, glad that nobody had. I looked awful.
My expression probably didn't help matters as I studied my too-pale-face. Sallow instead of pretty. My wide eyes too large for my other features, a murky hazel now. The pupils dark and large in the lack of light. They flickered nervously to the bruises as I prodded one carefully, hating the fact that a dull pain reached me at the slightest touch. I dropped the shirt at once, suddenly getting an urge to cover my skin, I felt disgusted.
I was so weak. Demetri had been right, I was no more than he'd described.
I closed my tired eyes, wanting more than ever to forget. To just lose consciousness and not have to deal with the pain, both mental and physical. An image burned behind my closed eyes, and for a while I couldn't make out what it was. Two brown eyes were staring back at me, wide and frightened as a whispered sentence tumbled through full lips.
"You caused this…he won't forgive you."
I snapped my eyes open, panting and horrified with what my imagination had conjured. Bella's pale, frightened face, her brown eyes that had slowly turned scarlet. I knew it was just lack of sleep. The non-stop bursts of adrenaline left me drained and now the fatigue gripped me so forcefully it hurt to keep my eyes open. I didn't want to sleep. I couldn't sleep. Not with the nightmares I had. Carlisle kept reassuring me that it was only insomnia, that it could be treated, that they would stop…
He was wrong.
My eyes had fluttered shut again, Bella stared back at me, this time her eyes were no longer the brilliant scarlet, but hollow and empty… the ghost of a scream etched on her parted lips.
Bella dead because of me.
I wanted to tear at myself, to wrench something apart. My insides were twisted, my throat thick, chest hollow.
The truth of the situation ht me with a crushing sort of force. Alice's rushed words that I'd been too feeble to deceiver before now rang tauntingly in my ears, "I'll help her inside but then me and Jazz need to go... It's nothing, If I tell you, you're just going to leave her," Alice had known that the second she'd let Edward see her mind about Bella he would have left.
Why had she made him help me instead? Why didn't she let Edward save her first? Why didn't she see this happening? The garbled questions were accompanied by a sinking feeling in my chest. I was so stupid. Demetri had even said he had Bella… on a multitude of occasions actually, gloating in his twisted superior way. And I'd just forgotten about it. So wrapped up in my own thoughts to remember her health, which was considerably more valuable than my own.
I began to tremble, the palms of my hands beading with cold sweat. My grip on the counter became unsteady as tremors shook through my hands, white fingers barely gripping the marble surface. I was the cause for all this turmoil… if I hadn't pried into the Cullen's life like I had none of this would have happened. They were all in danger because of me, and there was nothing I could do to help them.
It took me too long to realise I wasn't even gripping the counter anymore, and by then I was already falling. My grip on everything was fraying, and I almost welcomed the pain that would arrive when I hit the marble floor. Maybe I'd bruise again, this time on my back. You deserve as much.
But I never hit the floor.
"Careful there…" A voice murmured softly.
I heard that before I saw him, his breath fanning over me as he assessed me with wide eyes. And I forgot I was supposed to be mad at him, I forgot that he'd called me a child. I looked at him desperately. Unspoken words flew between us like sparks. My skin flamed where his arms carefully held me, catching me an inch from the ground, holding me so that I was shielded from an invisible harm.
And as he held me, I realised something. The sensation flooding me, the calm, serenity, wasn't mine to experience. It was artificial. This was someone else's life, not mine. I didn't deserve peace, every thing I touched fell away into the chasm of chaos.
"Please," I whispered in a tremulous voice, suddenly wanting to make sure the peace didn't shatter under my fingertips. Desperate to hold on for a while longer. "Please take me too..."
It was like I'd hit him, he almost flinched away from me, something I couldn't decipher flashing across his topaz eyes. Immediately, he straightened, placing me on my feet again brusquely, and almost stumbling backwards in his haste to get away from me. I'd said the wrong thing, and I abruptly felt stupid. He'd interpret something like that as petulance. I was being childish.
Again, the stupid, irrational urge to just… stop him came over me. I wanted to reach out, but my arms hang like lead by my sides, I couldn't move a muscles save my lips and tongue.
"I could help," I offered quietly, my words fell on deaf ears.
"There's no way you can help…" He contradicted me just as quietly, and turned away from me.
"Just…" I wanted to scream again, not able to find any words that would make a difference. But all that came out of my lips was a whisper, a plea that would have no effect. "Just don't go…"
He stood there, perfectly immobile for a few seconds. His perfect and unblemished skin seemed to glow with an ethereal light in the semi-darkness, though whether that was due to my rapidly tiring eyes or the angle of light I did not know. Time passed, I can't recall how long - but slowly he turned, uttering a sentence I didn't want to hear, a sentence I couldn't hear. I saw his lips move, and heard the desperation leak into his voice.
"I have to."
And this time I couldn't even try to stop him, because before I knew it, he was gone.
The cold surface of the floor against my cheek told me I'd fallen to the floor once more.
I didn't try to get up.
***
*…insert dramatic music*
Meh. I'm not sure if I like the end of that… but the chapter just would not end! Sorry if you found it tedious. The next one's all planned out, and that's much better in my humble opinion ;) We shall have ACTION! You haven't seen anything yet! :o Oh, an d if there are a lot of typos here I'm sorry - I'm giving this chappy out a night earlier. I'll edit it (to an extent) tomorrow :p
Ah, you probably don't like this chapter - sorry if it really wasn't worth the wait. I'm sorry the bit with Demetri was so long. What can I say? I find it really easy to write sadistic stuff…. (heh, evidently reflects what I'm like.) … and it was actually pretty essential to the plot too. Believe it or not, there were some subtle hints in there (well, no, I lie. I bet they weren't subtle. I reckon I suck at the whole be-implicit-and-mysterious thing ;p)
I bet you all hate angry Edward too, huh? (Is it bad for me to kind of… like angry Edward?) Ah, I know, I know, PMS Edward to the max. But he's needed - and he has a reason… I was going to do an Edward POV for that… would you like one next chapter? Say in a review if you do. (aha! My power at rhymes returns! It returns I say!) Also, I know Lucie's seeming… very weak at the moment. That's because she is. I won't say much about next chapter, but she can't continue doing anything in that state. Pure adrenaline can't last for days on end :p
Please don't hate me too much. (I deliberately didn't leave you all on too much of a cliff hanger… else I can just predict the torrent of: why are you DOING this?!) I've had a lot of stuff going on in my life, and, I don't know, I think I need order to update. That should come right back when it's time for school again *shudders* Anyway, If I take too long on updating (I promise it will never be this long) just demand a Sneak Peek from me, okay? Sneaky Peakys shall be given if commanded. Literally, just shout at me saying: "UPDATE GODDAMMIT! And in the meantime - give me a sneak peaky." And I'll give you one.
On a brighter note though, when do you want the next chapter? I haven't written much as of yet, but I know exactly what to write, and the only thing in my way is blasted French and Art Coursework that I meant to be doing. But hey, I think a little procrastination can sort that out. As always, ask any questions in a review. I have a great idea for this fic, and I shall continue to write after it if people are willing to stand my babbling. *And cue the indignant shouts of: never.*
Before I say some more apologies. I feel the urge the babble - and it shouldn't be suppressed! I've just come in from the pouring rain. Why? Because here I was, ready to update, when I heard several loud and distraught meows out from my open window. I went outside (in the rain.) and meowed back,(I'm pretty skilled in the imitating-weird-noises-department) and then I saw Mouse in a very high up neighbour's fir tree. Yes, Mouse was: Stuck. In. A. Tree. I had to climb on top of a very precarious wall to try and reach her. When I tried to get her down, I discovered that it wasn't just Mouse in the tree, but also a black kitten. (A very, very cute kitten I might add) That one was wailing rather than meowing, and was sopping wet. I helped it down first (I referred to it as: The Black One) and before I could decide who it belonged to, the owner of the wall turned round the corner, saw me gripping a sopping wet black kitten and balanced on his wall…
This was the moment Mouse decided to let out a very indignant MEOW at not being saved first. I hurriedly explained to the man why I was on his wall, when suddenly a gigantic tabby-cat, leapt out of the tree and ran down the road. By this point, the man just laughed and said: "My tree's pretty popular with the felines today." Walked off, and left me trying to coax a stubborn Mouse out of the tree.
So yes, that's an excuse for this update being a few more minutes late than originally planned as well. It was a pretty bizarre experience, but explains why the frequent meows coming from the tree were so urgent (Mouse is mortal enemies with that tabby-cat… seriously, he's like her arch nemesis, I caught them just… glaring at each other when I came back from school one day. And then Mouse refused to go near me when I stroked the tabby-cat.)
(I'm sorry if you're annoyed at me for pointlessly babbling about cats.)
… It's not going to stop there. My beloved cat Mogger - my 1st and only three legged, half a tailed, ginger cat - died a weeks days ago. R.I.P Mogger. Please don't think this is my sick way to gain reviews through sympathy. It's the truth. Not much of an excuse seeing as people's relatives die which is the reason for their late updates… but this is my reason none the less. I love animals. And my cats give me endless joy. I can't write much more on this note about him, I've just gone all teary eyed again. Maybe I'm pathetic, maybe I'm not. I'm sorry though. I promise to keep updating this fic till the very end, but please remember what spurs me onto write. Reviews. Large and small. Any comment is good, even if it is: 'Stop lamenting about your cat' (but please keep in mind if you do say that… I may have to personally hunt you down armed with a spatula. Not pretty.)
Don't worry Muse Mouse is still alive and healthy, in fact, you can blame her for the late update too. She still demands to lie across my arms as I type - and recently she's gotten heavier. That's right. Mouse needs a DIET! (I discovered this when trying to heave her out of that blasted tree! … either she's got heavier, or I've got weaker - though I admit that it could be the latter :p)
Anyway. 1008 reviews? Doing well eh? I think I'll dedicate the rest of this fic to Mogger. (because even as a memory, he's still fantabulous.) Oh, and I forgot DandylionWishes - this chappy is dedicated to her too, because, she fell of a bridge and I forgot to dedicate a chapter in consolation. Better late than never? :p
And… I'm going to list a few reviewers (who I'm just going to hope didn't suffer in endurance for this update) and people that I want to say an extra big thanks to: Jade Lyssy Swan (for obvious reasons. Her fantabulous babbly PMs and top sekrit chapters keep me sane ;p); Cappuccino C. Cullen; Mandala Morgaine (whose story I WILL review tomorrow - I hope) ; oreosNcookiescrunch2; splindora; Blue Tulips; Pyrogirl; SouthernBelle; mermolie; DandylionWishes; BeckaCullen; Foam Weber; Azura Soul Reaver; LovingWords; chickenn; LadyGrimR; CullenAnneMaire ; Kats & Twilight ; Oh So Absurd; Edward'sGirlForEternity; Your Guardian Angel… and probably lots more… I'm sorry if you review a lot and aren't up there. My memory is BLANK today… and I don't want to spend the entire day shuffling through reviews. Anyway, if you're not there… just pretend? (ha. Okay. Sorry - I can envision lots of disgruntled reviewers. I love you all! There we go. I bet I scared you all off :p)
I'm just going to officially solemnly promise to finish this fic. I won't abandon it, I promise. I hope this hasn't gone stale for anyone, and I really hope you still enjoy reading it. Hopefully, people will continue to read and review this. And if they don't - then I think I'll just continue it for my own enjoyment. Because I'm sad like that ;) Thanks a lot for all the support so far, I did receive quite a few worried PMs and reviews about updates, and they made me feel super guilty - but spurred me to write more.
Please review! I adore your feedback! ;)
Lily - who really does hope you can forgive her, and whose dad just came into her room stating that penguins looks rather demonic. Hmm. Interesting concept.