Angela looks up at him. This is the first time she notices the pain in his eyes.
"Tony?" He looks up at her. "You are my best friend. You've been my best friend for so many years. I will not let this come between our friendship. I love you too much too lose my best friend." She notices the relief in his eyes. "I've become closer to you than anyone else in my life. You mean so much to me. And I am not willing to lose that." She takes a sip from her tea and weighs her words before continuing. "But I don't know if there ever will be an us." The relief turns into a slight disappointment, but he smiles.
"I am happy this won't affect our friendship." He looks up at her. "And I will proof to you that your friendship means the world to me. And I am not willing to lose you.." He intensely looks at her. "your friendship. And maybe.. just maybe.. we can.. start back to you know.." ~Why is this so hard?~ "Where we left off in Jamaica." Angela sighs.
"I don't know." She is honest. "I am not in a space where I feel I can talk about going back there." She takes another sip of her tea. "All I know, is I don't want to lose either Samantha or you. I don't want to lose our friendship and Sam." She nearly whispers the last part.
"I'd never allow you to lose Sam." He sits up straight. "I'd never do that to either her or you. You've become her adoptive mom as she has become your adoptive daughter." He gets a goofy grin just thinking about the bond they've created. "I don't even think Sam would allow it." He smiles.
Angela smiles. "I really do love her so much." She is looking at the table. "And I do see her as my daughter. I can't lose her." Her voice cracks.
"Good, because I can't lose Jonathan either. I love that kid too much." Angela smiles at him. "Just like I love his mom too much to ever lose her.. friendship." Angela looks sad again. "That's why I told you the truth Angela. I respect you too much to lie to you or even keep things from you." He finishes his tea. "Are we good?" Angela closes finishes her tea then cocks her head at him.
~He really is such a wonderful, kind man. I cannot imagine my life without him. But he has hurt me so much.~ "Tony.." She starts as he feels the knot in his stomach tighten. "I don't want you to feel badly about what happened.."
"I don't want you to feel badly about anything." He interjects. She gives him a small smile.
"Maybe.. we just needed this to happen. Maybe as a wake-up call to who we are and where we stand. I don't know if this will change anything between us. But again I don't want to lose my best friend over something like a kiss." Tony feels a wave of relief fall over him. "But I have to admit, that after all we spoke about in Jamaica." She looks him in his eyes. "This does hurt. Do you even remember what we said in Jamaica?" Tony slowly nods. "You needed to find you, before you could figure out about us." He hangs his head low. "I told I didn't care if you mowed lawns in Central Park and I still don't." She tries to hide the tremor in her voice. "But I do care that you've kissed another woman." Tony looks at a broken Angela.
"I am so sorry, Angela, really. I never meant for any of it to happen. I will drop the class if you want me to." She puts up her hands and shakes her head.
"I know you didn't mean for anything to happen, but it did. And I…" She looks up at the ceiling to prevent herself from crying. "I feel so stupid, for waiting for you." She can no longer hold back the tears. "You made me feel so stupid." He feels like she sucker punched him in his guts, he never imagined he'd make her feel so bad. "And I know there is so much wrong with me, I'm anxious, I'm not a real blonde, I have small breasts, I'm a bit rigid, I either eat too much or too little.. I know all of this, for God's sake my mother keeps reminding me of my flaws every day. But you.. whenever you looked at me, smiled that endearing smile, I just felt it all wash off of me. Knowing you were figuring out you and then finally choosing me. But even now.. I am still not good enough." Tears streaming down her cheeks. "I am never good enough." That's when she abruptly gets up. "I'm sorry, I can't anymore." She walks towards the kitchen door.
"You were always too good." Tony spits out.
"Excuse me?" She turns on her heels.
"You've heard me." He gets up. "You were always too good, too good for me. You're so smart, beautiful, incredibly sexy, kind, legs that go on for days, so beautiful and trust me when I say, your breasts are the perfect size for your body." She feels her cheeks turn red. "You have everything I don't have. You're a successful business woman, own your own house, heck even your own ad agency, you have a great kid."
"You also have a great kid." She smiles, breaking the tension.
"I know, but you know where I am getting at. I would have never gone to Disney, Mexico or Jamaica, if you never hired me. You made sure both Sam and I have a good life. You are the husband and wife in one. You're intimidating."
"HA!" She throws her head back. "So are you saying this is all MY fault? Because I wasn't the one kissing other men."
"No, of course it's not your fault. Just let it go, you don't get it. YOU are the success and I'm the failure." He slumps back into his seat.
"Failure? You?" Angela stands next to Tony. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh com'on Angela. Look at your life and then mine."
"You were a pro baseball player, you're an amazing father, I bet you were an amazing husband for Marie and you're an incredible student. Where have you failed?"
"First of all for never attending college at a young age, I put everything on baseball and then bust my shoulder, I should have been a better husband to Marie. I tried my best, but I did make mistakes. And YOU pushed me to be an incredible student, I couldn't have done it without your support. The one thing in my life, I am proud of, is Sam." Angela watches his face light up. "And you.. I mean Angela, you're such a success." Angela takes the seat next to Tony.
"I don't deserve the pedestal you've put me on." He looks her in the eyes. "Honestly I don't. Yes I am successful, I love my job. But let's face it Tony, my personal life is a mess. I got married to the first man who showed interest in me, on a whim! Then I married the one who I thought was the love of my l life, but turns out he was intimidated by me wanting to work and a success. And not to mention the men I've dated since you lived here. Poor Geoffrey. You see Tony, we both failed in certain aspects of our lives, I guess that life. You live, you learn, you evolve and you grow. I mistakenly thought we were growing together."
"That wasn't a mistake, I felt the same way." He places his hand over hers. "Honestly I've come a long way thanks to you." He softly squeezes, she looks at their hands.
"And I couldn't have done it all without you Tony. You gave me the strength to start my own agency. You gave me the confidence to take that next step. I will forever be grateful to you. For your unending support, friendship and love."
"Good, because I feel the same way."
"Maybe this could be the fresh start we so desperately need.." She cautiously starts. "Or maybe I should say I need." Tony interlaces his fingers with her, she just watches their hands.
"No, you had it right the first time. We both need it. I am so sorry for hurting you, for being.. well.. you know.." Angela finally looks up at him and smile.
"Insecure?" Her grin widens.
"I guess that the right word. I am truly sorry."
"I know you are and I appreciate you saying it." He softly squeezes her hand, both secretly relishing on their little physical interaction. "I do have one question though." She bites her lower lip. He just nods her to continue. "Why was this woman good enough to not make you doubt yourself with her?" He had expected a lot of questions, this wasn't one of them. He sits back and breaks their contact. Both immediately missing the other's touch.
"You're basically asking why you aren't good enough for me, aren't you?" He deflects the question.
"Maybe.. partially. But I need to know why she was good enough for you." She felt so strongly.
"She is like me. She is working class, honestly an older student, trying to better herself and her social status. I just felt drawn to the similarities I guess." He looks at her. "We were in that dark hotel room. Looking at these.. well slides. It was just more the atmosphere than it was her. I never forgot our conversation in Jamaica Angela. I was working to be worthy of you, I knew you were.." He looks at her. "Maybe still are waiting for me to be ready. And you have to believe me when I say that I never ever have even as much as looked at another woman." Angela licks her lips as she listens to his every word. He notices her attention and continues. "I never even thought of any other woman. I took our conversation to heart and started working on me. I know you noticed, because I notice you just as much. This is hard."
"It shouldn't be. I don't find it hard at all." She looks at him straight as her eyes soften. "But I know you struggle with it and I think I understand it in one way. I also respect your honesty. But you have a decision to make all by yourself. Just like you made a decision last night."
"Which I immediately regretted." He rebukes.
"I know." She is doubting to honestly speak. "I've never made a secret of my feelings for you. Heck, I yelled it in my dream. I now know that, that is all it might ever be, just a dream."
"NO!" He says as the feeling of panic clenches his heart. Angela looks at him in confusion.
"What do you want from me Tony?" She feels exhausted, like everything has just been pulled out of her and she can't anymore. "Because this hurt way too much."
"I want you." He says the words before his mind can interfere. She gives him a sceptical look. "I do, I want us. But dammit, it terrifies me more than anything."
"Don't you think I'm terrified as well?" He just shrugs. "I'm petrified Tony. I've never felt this way about any other man in my life. I am so scared that if this.." she moves her hand between the two of them. "goes wrong, I might end up losing Sam and Jonathan might lose the best father figure he has ever had. I'm so nervous about what people will think of us and even worse, say behind our backs. But I'm also saying that I am willing to face my fears, with you." She finally stops and looks at him.
"You're willing to risk it all for love?" He softly says.
"Only with the right person." She looks at him, finally no more anger, no more sadness, just the God's honest truth has been said.
"How do you know that's me?"
"I just do." She says with such confidence that it nearly blows him away. "But like I said, you've really hurt me and this has to be our new starting point. I have no interest in dating anyone else Tony. But I need to know you're on board with this 100%."
"So back to square one and taking baby steps?" He gives her a small smile.
"Baby steps." She chuckles. "I like that. Yes. I want to do this the right way. Slowly, but steadily."
Tony envisions taking her out, first a lovely dinner and then some dancing. He loves the way she feels in his arms when they are on the dance floor. ~She is my forever person, my end game, my love.~ The realisation of his feelings finally hit him.
"Tony are you still with me?" She teases, happy the air between them is much lighter.
"Yeah, I am." He scoots closer to her. "I am happy we finally had this conversation. Not so much happy about what finally sparked it. But at least we are taking baby steps into the right direction. I promise you to take things nice and slow, but in the right direction." He looks her into her eyes. "God you are beautiful." Angela looks away. "Don't do that. You are, you have know idea how beautiful you are and that makes you twice as beautiful as any other woman." She smiles at him.
~This you idiot, this is why I am certain you are the right person. I wish I could tell you how much I love you. But now is not the time nor the place.~
"Want another cup of tea? And maybe a late night show?" Angela breaks the moment before she'll do things she is going to regret.
"I'll take the tea, but I'd much rather just chat with you." Angela gets up and starts making the tea. Tony watches her every move.
"You're making me nervous Tony." She turns. "I can feel your eyes on me. Now make yourself useful and bring me the mugs." She turns to the stove again. Tony does as asked.
After the tea is made, Angela and Tony grab their mugs.
"Can we move to the couch?" Angela looks at Tony.
"Gladly." As he moves towards the kitchen door.
Angela snuggles in the corner of the couch and Tony takes the seat opposite of her. Their feet meeting in the middle.
"So how are things going with Jon and Peter?" Tony was really curious. Angela starts explaining what they've already started, how things are going and what is expected for the future. She can't supress her happiness about the venture. Even though Tony is very happy for her, he feels a slight jealousy which he knows he has no right to feeling. But he can't help himself after he almost messed up their entire friendship.
Tony looks at Angela's face, she is genuinely so happy when she is speaking about her work and how everything is going. He notices the twinkle in her eye and the light blush on her cheeks. ~She is just gorgeous, I love how she can get this glow over her. Sometimes for no apparent reason or just a small reason, like my cookies.~
"But honestly I don't know yet, but I am excited to see where this all could lead!" Her words bring him back. He smiles at her. "What?" She moves her hand across her face. "Do I have something on my face." He softly shakes his head. "Then what is it?"
"You just get a certain way about you when you speak of your work, it honestly is amazing to see. You get an enthusiasm about you." He chuckles. "But not only about work you know." Angela starts arching her eyebrow. He know she needs to know.
"Please enlighten me, oh wise one." She sarcastically says.
"Well.. uhm.." Tony sits up straight with mischievous grin. "You get that same.." He moves his hand in the air. "Air about you when get excited about almost anything, from Jonathan getting a good grade to something amazing happening at the office.." His grin widens. "To my amazing cookies and cakes." Angela can't help herself as she bursts out in laughter.
Upstairs a stressed out Jonathan releases the sigh he had been holding in. Tony is making his mom belly laugh, which means they're good. He closes his eyes and softly whispers: "Thank you Tony." Then he falls into a deep, dream filled sleep.
Angela is still holding on to her stomach. "Oh my God Tony don't do that to me." She gives big sigh to settle herself again.
"You're welcome!" He chuckles.
"I really needed a good laugh." Her smile is warm and loving. He just smiles back at her, not wanting to ruin the ambience they've just created.
"Can I ask you something?" She asks.
~There it is again, that serious tone.~ The knot in his stomach tightens. "Go ahead." He confidently says while his insides feel like they're about to explode.
"How did she take it?" Angela quickly says before she can lose her nerve.
"Who?" Tony is confused.
"That woman you kissed."
"Oh Kathleen." Again Angela visibly cringes. "I'm sorry." He says under his breath. "How did she take it?" He repeats the question as she nods. "Good I guess. I mean there was no awkwardness between us this afternoon. I think…"
"You think?" She scoffs.
"I don't know Angela. I felt so awkward. I've betrayed you and potentially hurt her. I mean it was somewhat awkward." He feels ashamed. Angela wants to tell him he didn't betray her as they weren't a couple, but deep in her heart she did feel betrayed by him.
"Did she speak to you about it?" She cautiously asks afraid of the answer.
"We did after the study group left." He looks at his feet on the couch.
"And?" She softly presses on.
"She immediately knew after she had met you." He now looks at her directly in the eyes. "And said she understood but what I.. we well.. did was.. you know.. shitty." He now looks at her hands resting on her thighs. "She told me it was unfair to play with both of your and her feelings. I know she is right, so I told her as much. We agreed to just stay friends." He looks at her again, he can clearly see the relief in her eyes. "We will continue this study group as long as neither of us is uncomfortable with the situation. This includes you too. Are you uncomfortable with me still studying with Kathleen?" Her mind is racing, she has no clue what to reply. "Because if you are uncomfortable, we decided that we'd stop studying together."
"I honestly don't know Tony." She looks at him. "Normally I'd say I trust you. But.."
"Kissing her has kinda made you lose your trust in me?" He completes her sentence.
"If someone would have told me there would have come a day when I didn't trust you. I told them they were crazy. And yet now.." She looks up at his dark eyes, filled with so much hurt and regret. She shakes her head. "No.. I refuse not to trust you. I don't want to become that kind of woman. I trust you to just study with her. I trust you to not do what you did again. I don't think you'd risk it." She gives a you-better-not look "I need to trust you. Not only for you, but also for our family and for me."
~I don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve someone like you.. but I will thank my lucky star every night for guiding Sam and me to you.~ "I'd dare not risk losing our family or you." The intensity of his words, settle her nerves and assures her more than anything.
"Good, because I don't want to get lost." She puts her feet over his and starts caressing his feet with hers. Then she immediately pulls them back. "Oh I forgot, you don't like footsies." Tony feels like smacking himself.
"in light of us being honest. I love footsies." He blushes. "Especially from your warm toes." He watches her face turn pink. "You don't have to be embarrassed by having warm toes.."
"I'm happy we've spoken so honest, Tony." Her tone turns more serious again. "I really don't want to lose my best friend."
"You wouldn't have lost me. I would have still fought for our friendship and our family, I would have never given up on any of it." They share a knowing smile.
The End.
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A/N I hope you all enjoyed my interpretation of how season 6 should have ended. I tried to write this as an episode and well episodes come to an end. :)
This would have made a great opening to start season 7 with Tony asking Angela out on their first date (NO not to a comedy club) and easing in to a marriage in season 8. I still believe the show would have been great had they actually gotten together and married. Especially if they had also kept including Tony's Brooklyn buddies, Wendy and Isabelle. The hilarity would have been fantastic. In my opinion this could (and maybe should?) have been the ending of season 6. The original ending made Tony kinda a jerk and this made him empathetic.
Lastly I want to thank everyone who reviewed my story. Each and every review makes me want to create new stories and warms my heart. So thank you to all my kind readers, you are so appreciated.