Temerity
Part 20-Recall
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to Hasbro and Takara. I am merely taking them for a short spin.
"Sometimes solutions aren't so simple,
Sometimes good bye's the only way."
--Shadow of the Day, Linkin Park
Temerity-Unreasonable contempt of danger; extreme venturesomeness; rashness.
Hot Rod settled into yet another new assignment as best he could. It kept him occupied and left him with little spare time. Considering, that was a good thing. With his mind occupied during the day with so many things to do and being exhausted at night, he fell into recharge, even managed to rest some now, even though he still had the nightmares. "Security detail" so far involved helping strip the weapons systems from the shuttle, setting up an armory and secure perimeter around the base and patrol. And patrol was either with Smokescreen or Barricade because Jazz had been shifted into more of a traditional command role, overseeing the night shift.
Patrol with Smokescreen Hot Rod didn't like for many reasons. Smokescreen was good at wheedling out details and right now, Hot Rod didn't need it, so he did what he had to do.
-----
They pulled off the lake, making sure no humans were around to watch them transform. Hot Rod sat down, glad for the chance to take a break.
"I'm going to kill Frenzy if he makes me listen to ABBA one more time," Barricade said.
"Which song?" Hot Rod asked.
"Something about a dancing queen," Barricade said.
"Ouch," Hot Rod said.
"He listens to it repeatedly."
Hot Rod bit back a grin. Frenzy made Barricade listen to the music to get a rise out of him, and no other reason.
"Next time he comes along, he's riding with you. At least you both like the same noise," Barricade said.
"Noise" was what Barricade considered human music.
"You should talk to Jazz. He can probably find something you'll like. Jazz even found some human music Optimus likes," Hot Rod said.
"If it was Jazz who introduced Frenzy to that torture. . ."
"It wasn't Jazz. It was Sam," Hot Rod said.
That gave Barricade pause. Couldn't hurt the human.
"The boy has questionable taste," Barricade said.
"I know, but he's just a kid. Are you going to talk or not?"
"Thundercracker won't tell me what he knows and Skywarp said he's not ready to talk yet. And Rumble threatened me, so I have nothing new to offer," Barricade said.
"Too bad we didn't get the chance to question the others when they attacked," Hot Rod said.
"I doubt they would have shared anything, if they had any knowledge at all. Dirge, Ramjet and Thrust aren't exactly Seeker elite," Barricade said. "But that isn't why you dragged me out here, is it, when we have a job to do."
"No," Hot Rod said. "I want to know just how much you know."
Barricade sat down.
"Enough," Barricade said. "Enough to make things look very bad for you."
"And that won't happen, will it?" Hot Rod said.
Barricade didn't answer. He knew how precarious his situation was and also knew how quickly he could reverse Hot Rod's own fortunes, but he wouldn't do that.
"I know some of your modifications are advanced, and that at the time before we left Cybertron there were only two mechs capable of doing such work--we both know one of them is dead and as far as everyone else is concerned, Shockwave is also dead," Barricade said. "And obviously, the Decepticon upgrades have done their job. Although I am curious as to why you ended up on this planet when you were supposed to be hidden."
"Prime's message woke me, activated my systems, and I ended up here. Not like I had a lot of choice," Hot Rod said.
"Another modification?" Barricade asked.
"More like a directive embedded in my programming," Hot Rod said. "And how do you know so much about what was going on?"
"As I told you before, I, too, had my orders," Barricade said. "I will tell you this only once--I did split with Prowl over ideologies, but I never planned on things going as far as they did. And unlike you, I had no choice. What was done to me was against my will, at the order of Megatron. And Shockwave was only all too willing to have a living test subject."
Hot Rod placed a hand on Barricade's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," Hot Rod said.
"It won't change the past," Barricade said.
"I know," Hot Rod said. "Let's go."
-----
Ratchet walked into Prime's office without announcing himself, figuring it was easier to just get things over quickly.
"What do you want?" his leader asked, not bothering to look up.
"I've come with a few requests," Ratchet said.
"Get in line," Prime said.
"Bad day?"
Prime looked up. "You have no idea," he said. "Didn't you hear about Perceptor? He came in during my conference call with Keller this morning and asked if he could dissect Dirge to see if the virus was still active after death. That was. . .a disaster. The disposal team is coming tomorrow to pick up the body, so we don't have to worry about it anymore."
"Then I suppose it would be inappropriate of me to ask if I can dissect Perceptor if you offline him the next time he makes such a request?" Ratchet said.
"Not if I can help," Prime said. "What do you need?"
"Kup's got a couple of changes to the duty roster he needs approved, and he's unhappy with them, so he asked me to run them by you," Ratchet said.
"That's unlike him," Prime said, raising an optic ridge.
"Well, you will be too when you hear one of the requests," Ratchet said. "Kup went ahead and made the changes, but he wants you to finalize it."
"What is it?"
"First of all, Hot Rod has requested being assigned to patrol with Barricade," Ratchet said. "The other is Smokescreen wants assigned to night shift."
"Let Smokescreen go if he wants to," Prime said. "Tell Kup he can pull Blue from nights and I'll see if Trailbreaker would mind helping out."
"What about Hot Rod?"
"What about him?"
"Well, if you haven't noticed, he's spending a lot of time off duty with Barricade," Ratchet said. "Every time someone walks into the rec room, they stop talking."
"So? Where and who Hot Rod spends his off duty hours with is of no concern to me," Prime said.
"No matter how much you tell yourself otherwise, I know you don't believe it," Ratchet said.
("Keep telling yourself that Optimus, because you believe that as much as I do.)
"Ratchet, I don't like the direction this conversation is taking," Prime said. "Tell Kup he can make the change. As long as patrolling with Barricade does not interfere with Hot Rod's ability to carry out his duties, I have no problem with it."
"You're sure?"
Prime didn't answer, already turning his attention back to reports.
-----
"Annoyed" didn't cover Kup's feelings. Hot Rod's request was uncharacteristic--asking to be paired with Barricade, not long after they'd done their best trying to kill each other. Was Hot Rod crazy? In many ways, yes. This was just a stupid, hair-brained thing to do. How long could they work together before they came to blows, or worse? They had served together in the past--both Hot Rod and Barricade served in his tactical unit after Hot Rod joined the security forces. Prowl's promotion to Prime's second in command created an opening in his unit, which Barricade filled, and Hot Rod moved into his spot. They had worked well together, but that was before Barricade became a Decepticon. Granted, now, he was a former Decepticon, but he hadn't exactly bought back into Autobot ideology, and Kup doubted he ever would. But Hot Rod and Barricade were suddenly too chummy for his liking, setting off bells and whistles, as the humans said.
So the ancient mech decided to take his issue with it to someone who could maybe do something about it because his own efforts failed.
--
Prime raised an optic ridge when Kup stormed into his office unannounced. He leaned back as Kup tossed a data pad on his desk.
"Just had to approve it, didn't you?" Kup said, arms crossed, optics flashing in anger.
"What do you mean?" Prime said.
"Hot Rod's request. Do you want them to kill each other?" Kup said.
"They seem to be getting along just fine, according to Ratchet," Prime said, pushing the data pad back toward Kup.
"My aft," Kup said. "You just don't want to have to deal with the problem, do you?"
"What problem?"
"Those two have closed ranks like you and Ironhide did when you didn't want someone to know what was going on, that's what," Kup said. "I don't know what those two have between them, but I aim to find out."
"Kup. . ."
"Used to, on a really good day, they tolerated each other. They worked well together, knew the drill. On a very bad day, they drove each other crazy. Barricade was always more outspoken than Prowl, but compared to Hot Rod. . .I had to pry them off each other more than once, and a couple of times they even drew their weapons on each other. And they even earned each other a trip to the brig a few times," Kup said.
Prime sat back, steepling his fingers.
"Have you talked to Hot Rod about this?" he asked.
"I tried, but he shot me down," Kup said. "Said it was none of my business."
"Kup, things have changed," Prime said.
Kup's optics narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm saying Barricade has been given a chance to prove himself, and you should accept that," Prime said.
Kup glowered.
"I don't care about that," he said.
"Then what?" Prime said, becoming annoyed. He had work he needed to do.
"Haven't you been listening?" Kup said.
"I know you're concerned about Hot Rod's well-being," Prime said. "But it is something the two of them will have to work out between themselves. . ."
Kup shook his head in frustration.
"Go talk to Hot Rod," he said.
-----
Prime rang the door chime, to Hot Rod's quarters, surprised when Barricade answered the door. He walked in, optic ridge raised.
"Barricade," Optimus said. "I'd like to speak to Hot Rod. Alone."
Barricade nodded, taking a glance back over his shoulder at Hot Rod before leaving. Prime watched the door shut, turning his attention back to Hot Rod, crossing his arms.
"Ratchet tells me you've been spending a lot of time the past few days with Barricade," Prime said.
"Yeah, so?" Hot Rod said, taking a seat on his desk.
"And Kup is rather concerned about your duty request."
"I know, but he has nothing to worry about," Hot Rod said. "Barricade and I have come to an understanding."
"Just a couple of weeks ago the two of you nearly killed each other," Optimus said.
"As I said, there's nothing to worry about," Hot Rod said. "And if you haven't noticed, it's not like there's much of anyone for me to spend time with, considering Springer's stuck in the med bay for the foreseeable future, and Barricade isn't particularly demanding, unlike Smokescreen."
Prime frowned.
"Don't tell me he wasn't assigned with me because it was convenient," Hot Rod said. "Everyone knows he's good at finding out what you don't want him to, then reporting it back to you."
"I never asked him to. . ."
"Spy? Sure," Hot Rod said. "I believe that."
"Hot Rod, I assure you, nothing of the sort happened," Optimus said. "Kup made that assignment. Ask him."
Hot Rod's optics narrowed.
"Have I given you any reason to not trust me?" Optimus asked. "Is everything all right?"
"Can you please leave?" Hot Rod said.
-----
It wasn't Optimus he didn't trust. It was himself.
Hot Rod waited a few minutes after Optimus left his quarters, then he took off, leaving the base, again, without permission. Because he now had a duty assignment, he could leave, but he new technically, he wasn't supposed to be out by himself. It wasn't exactly a standing order, but it was understood. It applied to all of them, because one never knew when the remaining Decepticons would make another attack, or others would reveal themselves.
But he didn't care. How could he live with himself, after everything? Even though he'd been chosen when Magnus had proven untrustworthy when it counted most, the weight of everything that had happened threatened to crush him. His unit slaughtered, the Vector destroyed, lives lost, lies told and for what?
Hot Rod stopped that line of thinking. He knew damn well what he'd been chosen for, had almost backed out, but realized he couldn't. Not when so much was riding on it, and him. And that was why he'd accepted the mission, because the Council of Ancients knew he would not fail, that he could be depended upon, that his loyalty to the Autobot cause and more importantly, Optimus Prime was unquestioned.
And what had happened with the Vector was Magnus' way of trying to make amends, if it could be called that. His change of heart was his way of saying he was sorry to Hot Rod and Ironhide and even Prime, even if they would probably never know. He had a hell of a way of making up for it, Hot Rod reflected, but at the time, Magnus' plan had been the only way to keep him and the knowledge they both carried out of Decepticon hands. And if everything Magnus had done came off as a betrayal, Hot Rod knew in the end, Magnus had at least made peace with his actions. But not himself.
Because in a way, everything that had gone down before and during Tyger Pax was a betrayal, but not by him. The refitting of the Vector, Magnus' request to command the ship during the battle and her disappearance were all part of a plan. Not Magnus' plan, but a plan laid out long before the battle. And none of them could have foreseen the Decepticons turning their ships on the Vector as they rescued the Valor, Shockwave taking advantage of the chaos to attach himself to the Vector before it could jump.
Hot Rod remembered everything up to a point--jumping the ship twice, part of the battle after. And that was where things got muddy. He remembered the others disengaging from the merge, but whether or not they got away, he didn't know.
He'd barely been able to revert to his own protoform as the ship died around him, as he was burnt by the exploding fusion drive, and something else. Then nothing. Nothing for a very, very, long time--nothing but the cold and dark of space and being trapped inside his own mind, abandoned.
Then Prime's message activating long-dormant systems, eventually crashing toward Earth.
-----
Almost dawn. If he didn't get back to base soon, Hot Rod knew he was bound to be missed. Except he already was. Prime was standing outside his quarters, arms crossed.
"How long have you been there?" Hot Rod asked.
"Long enough," Optimus said. "After I left your quarters, I came back a short time later to ask you something, only to find you gone. I've been waiting here since."
"Long night, eh?" Hot Rod said, flashing a wry grin, only to find himself seconds later staring up at Prime. He sat up, rubbing his jaw.
Optimus reached down, hauling Hot Rod up by one arm, dragging him inside his own quarters.
"You have no idea how close you are to insubordination," Optimus said. "I have given you every opportunity. . .yet you still chose to disregard the rules. Why is that, Hot Rod?"
He already had Prime riled, so why not just go ahead and push a little more?
"You don't want to know my answer," Hot Rod said.
Prime's optics narrowed.
"And why is that?" he asked.
"Because you won't like what you hear," Hot Rod said.
"Try me," Optimus said.
"Do you really want to know what I remember?" Hot Rod said.
Optimus frowned this time, surprised.
"It's what my nightmares are about--what I keep remembering. The Vector's gone. I detonated the ship myself. And as to the fate of the others, I don't know," Hot Rod said.
Prime took a step back. "Why?"
"I can't tell you," Hot Rod said.
"What happened?"
"I've already said too much," Hot Rod said.
"Again, why?"
"Please. Don't ask me anymore," Hot Rod said.
Then it clicked. The modifications, the Vector.
"You were bonded to it, weren't you?" Optimus asked. "That's why you can't remember. . .you were still linked with the ship when it died. . ."
Hot Rod sat down on his berth, optics filled with pain.
"Yes. And do you know what it is to feel something dying, something connected to you, your mind? To feel a part of yourself ripped away?"
Optimus sat down beside him. "I know something of it," he said. "I had a twin. I broke our bond."
"Then you do understand," Hot Rod said.
"Yes. But not what you were doing bonded to a ship," Optimus said.
Hot Rod didn't answer.
"Go. Please," he said.
"I'm not leaving you alone," Optimus said. "You need to stop reliving the memory of this--it's all right, Hot Rod. It. . .it wasn't your fault."
Hot Rod snapped, looking up at him. "You don't know that. You don't know anything about what happened," he said. "Maybe it would have been better if I'd just stayed gone. . ."
"How long were you out there alone?" Optimus asked.
"Long enough," Hot Rod said.
"Magnus abandoned you, didn't he?" Optimus said.
Hot Rod stood. "Get out. Now."
Optimus stood, unsure of what to do next. He wanted to press on, find out more, if he could, but the look in Hot Rod's optics suggested retreat would be the best course of action. He left without saying a word.