Brothers

After the encounter, Inej went back down to the bottom floor of the Slat. She really hoped that Kaz would be willing to fix whatever it was between him and Jesper, even if it was for a small petty reason, even if it was just because she asked.

"He wants you to apologize first, but this is fixable," she stated, leaning into the cushions. Jesper felt himself relax a little. Wylan, on the other hand, was not so happy.

"He wants Jesper to apologize first? Even though he started the whole actual argument?" he said incredulously. Jesper looked to Wylan, who was on the chair, and began considering himself. Inej shrugged.

"You know how he is," she said.

Wylan inquired further, "Why should we give him what he wants?"

"Because giving him what he wants means getting what Jesper wants."

"Hey, I can speak for myself, thanks. But yes, basically."

Wylan huffed. "Fine, but it might be better in the long run if you didn't."

Silence ensued. They all knew it was probably true, but none of them had the heart to abandon Kaz and leave him to his own problems, and frankly none of them truly wanted to. The sound of nothingness was killing Jesper, unspoken words and immense anticipation clawing at his every being. Minutes passed, pushing him to the brink of insanity.

He stood, his tone much more lighthearted than he really felt, and said, "I'm going up. Wish me luck."

Inej gave a kind look and a sort of teasing salute, Wylan gave a nod, and Jesper strode towards the stairs, bracing himself for what might well turn into a shouting match. One step after another, the trek felt slow and dreadful, the quiet beyond overbearing, but eventually he reached the door and knocked. From inside he heard a hoarse, "Who is it?"

Jesper inhaled deeply, fortified himself further, and said, "Jesper."

He had barely finished saying his name when he heard another rasp, carrying with it the words, "What do you want?"

Oh, Saints, here we go. He decided to try the door, grasping the handle and turning it. It surprised him to find that it swung open, unlocked, which was rather unusual for Kaz. The creak of the door only lasted a moment and he poked his head through the small opening he had created. "Can we talk for a moment?"

Kaz blew out a hard breath but did not respond. Better than a no, I suppose.

He stepped through the door and shut it behind him cautiously. Kaz sat at his desk, gloved hands intertwined over the leaning cane that sat between his legs. He was watching Jesper. Jesper couldn't tell if it was murder or calculations in his eyes. He hoped to anyone and everyone it wasn't the former.

"Look, Kaz, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did, I wasn't thinking, and I don't know who Jordie is but I shouldn't have brought it up, so I'm sorry," he spouted, bouncing on the balls of his feet for lack of anything better to do. Kaz remained silent, glaring hard as ever, rapping his fingers against the metal head of his cane. "Do you want me to say something more?"

Kaz could tell Jesper was getting annoyed at his unresponsiveness. He pondered keeping his mouth shut, letting Jesper get annoyed, letting him storm off angrily, but ultimately came to the conclusion that it would help nothing and Inej would be upset with him for it.

"You shouldn't have brought it up. You're right."

Jesper's brows furrowed and he opened his mouth to say something. Kaz stopped him, raising up a single gloved hand to motion for him to shut up.

"I shouldn't have said what I did either." He paused, steeling himself, building up the courage to say the words. "Forgive me."

The best Jesper would get. At this point, though, he would happily take anything. It was as good as a full heartfelt apology from whom it came. He felt a smile tug at his lips, but he restrained himself. Instead he padded over to the desk, fiddling with one of the pens in a cup, not meeting Kaz's eyes. For what felt like hours, they sat, not talking, not looking at each other.

Kaz whether or not he should tell Jesper. He wondered what might happen, what weakness it may show, what it might bring about. Somehow, he managed to muster up the strength to push up the words, all the way out of his mouth.

"Jordie was my brother." Not for the first time that night, his voice cracked, just barely. It was already painful talking about Jordie. Acknowledging who he was, for the second time in who knows how long, hurt even more. He screwed his eyes shut, thinking of the deceased for the millionth time.

The words were so out of the blue that Jesper barely caught them. When he processed them, he felt a little touched. Kaz had opened up, and Jesper had thought back to the time when Kaz had called him by Jordie's name. Does this mean he sees me as a brother? He almost cracked a smile at the thought, but ultimately did not when he saw Kaz looking pained. He didn't say anything about it, just stood around as he had been, which Kaz was beyond grateful for.

Kaz steadied himself and looked at Jesper for a split second, who finally broke the silence.

"So are we gonna get food or what?"

Kaz raised an eyebrow at the smile Jesper cracked and thought for a moment. He took up his cane into his left hand and stood, stretched a little. "I could go for something right about now."

"It's on you, yes?"

"...Sure."

Jesper clasped his hands together happily. "Wonderful!" He led the way out of the door, traipsing down the stairs, Kaz following slowly behind. As they descended, standing at the bottom of the stairs, the rest of the Dregs saw. Kaz had an image to uphold, and even if he didn't, he wasn't interested in being too friendly with Jesper. His permanent scowl was still plastered on his face, he still had stern posture and a cold demeanor. Inej and Wylan looked a little surprised to see them down and not murdering each other so soon. Inej looked much more pleased than Wylan. Kaz took it in and shoved down whatever feeling was trying to settle in his stomach. The two made their way to the front door of the Slat, but before they could exit, Kaz stopped and turned to the rest of the Dregs.

"If any of you speak of what was said to anyone, including each other, don't doubt that I will find and murder each and everyone of you personally. Regardless of what may float around in your capable enough minds, there was no display of fragility on this day, and if you choose to take it as such, get out of my establishment." Kaz was satisfied when no one moved from their seats. "Good. Resume your practices, when I get back I'll have a job with me."

With that, he and Jesper took their leave, directed to a Cafe on the street that somehow achieved the selling of proper food, despite where it sat in the city. Later, Jesper would tell Inej about what Kaz had told him, and ask if she knew. She confirmed she did. Jesper asked her whether or not she thought Kaz saw him as a sibling. She shrugged, but something in her eyes told him that she did, that she didn't want to verbalize it for Kaz's sake. Even later after that, she went and sat with Kaz, comfortable in the quiet. He would know he had earned her approval once more. He would know that he would continue to scrape by, to do whatever she asked of him, anything to keep her by his side no matter how draining or inconvenient. He would, at the very least, try.

And he and Jesper would remain like brothers.