Life fell into a new rhythm over the next several weeks, until Brinna finally found herself making peace with and accepting everything that had happened to her since she had stepped aboard the ill-fated Endar Spire. Her life was finally beginning to feel like her own once again. Bit by bit, her confidence had grown and she had become more comfortable with the idea of becoming a Jedi, though she was still having trouble accepting some of the Order's doctrines, its stance against emotional involvements in particular. In spite of this, her studies progressed at a pace that astounded everyone, herself included. Brinna was a serious and attentive student and did her best to please the Masters. Even so, Master Vrook continued to eye her with barely disguised dislike and mistrust. After a while, Brinna stopped worrying about it. When it came down to it, she'd never been one who felt obligated to please all of the people all of the time.

Her relationship with Bastila continued to be rocky as well. At times, Bastila let down her guard and showed Brinna a bit of warmth but it was as if she did it inadvertently and when she realized how she was behaving, she promptly returned to her Jedi ice princess ways. Brinna had hoped that the bond they shared and the time they had spent training together might have allowed something more comfortable to develop between the two of them, but this had not yet come to pass. In fact, each day it was looking more and more like it never would. Brinna felt a little regret over this but if Bastila didn't want to like her, so be it. She was certainly not going to beg for Bastila's friendship.

Though she had failed to find a friend in Bastila, she had grown closer and closer to Mission. The more Brinna was around her, the more she came to appreciate Mission's sense of humor, her toughness, and the rather soft-hearted core she tried so hard to hide. Underneath it all, Mission was still a kid and Brinna grew to feel more and more responsible for the young Twi'lek's happiness and well-being. In turn, Mission had accepted Brinna as an adopted older sister and they quickly developed a very tight, warm bond. Mission often served as Brinna's sounding board and Brinna did not hesitate to talk to Mission about her problems and frustrations.

The night before Brinna was to be tested by Master Zhar to determine if she was ready to progress to the rank of Padawan, she and Mission were hanging out in the bunkroom. Thinking about the tests had made Brinna rather more nervous than she had anticipated and Mission was doing her best to help Brinna relax. To this end, the two were sitting on Brinna's bunk and Mission was attempting to arrange Brinna's hair to some advantage, which was a rather impossible task, considering her bad haircut. Regardless, Brinna had always found it very soothing to have someone else play with her hair, a past-time that Amara had once loved…

"You should grow your hair out," Mission said, breaking into Brinna's reverie. "But if you insist on getting it cut, please make sure a professional does it next time. You've got a really nice head of hair but right now it looks like a Wookie's been chewing on it."

Bastila walked into the room just in time to hear Mission's comments. She studied the two with the expression Brinna had dubbed "Jedi disapproval": lips compressed into a flat line, eyes studying Brinna with an impatient look. Neither Brinna nor Mission paid her any heed.

Brinna raised a hand to her ebony locks and said, "Thanks a lot!"

"It's the truth, you know," Mission said, without apology.

"I hardly think Brinna should be worrying about the state of her hair," Bastila sniffed. "A Jedi should not be concerned with such base vanity."

With those words, she turned on her heel and stalked back out of the room, leaving Mission and Brinna staring after her.

"Droids show more warmth than Bastila," Brinna remarked wryly.

"I think you're being far too easy on her," Mission said. "Darth Malak probably shows more warmth than Bastila."

Unfortunately for Brinna, she had just taken a sip of water and it burst out of her mouth as she laughed. "Damn you, Mission! I'm soaked," she gasped, laughing and brushing uselessly at her clothes.

Mission laughed too, dropping her hands from Brinna's head. "Yeah, well, Bastila's just jealous. I mean, even with your mangy haircut it still looks better than her out-of-control mop."

Brinna laughed even harder, doubling over and rolling onto her side on the bunk. She wiped tears of mirth from her eyes and took a minute to catch her breath before saying, "You are definitely a bad influence on me."

"Always glad to be of assistance," Mission told her with a smile. "Now, would you change into your tight, cute little shirt and your sleep pants so that I can finish with your hair and you can go talk to lover boy?"

"What?" Brinna asked, the smile fading from her face as she looked at Mission in shock.

"Come on," Mission scoffed. "You really are thick, aren't you? You think I don't know that you go sneaking off every night to have a midnight chat with Carth? You think Bastila doesn't know it?"

"Oh no," Brinna groaned. "No wonder she's been giving me all those lectures lately about the dangers of forming attachments. I wondered where they'd come from."

"Duh," Mission said, making a face at Brinna. "You're not as stealthy as you like to think."

"I guess not," Brinna sighed. She got up from her bunk and started to pace the room, running a hand through her hair impatiently.

"Now I'm going to have to start all over," Mission said mildly.

Brinna didn't immediately say anything in response. No wonder Bastila had been frostier than ever lately. Her "Jedi disapproval" look had become quite familiar to Brinna as of late. It was often accompanied by "Jedi severity" and followed by a long-winded and pious lecture.

"Am I an idiot?" Brinna finally asked, stopping and facing Mission.

Mission shrugged. "Hey, I'm not like Bastila. I don't think it's my place to judge."

"I don't get it," Brinna said, her frustration clear in her voice. "I'm not usually like this. I mean, Carth doesn't even trust me. Sure, we sit in the cockpit and we talk but he still looks at me suspiciously whenever he thinks I'm not looking. He has to be the galaxy's most frustrating man. What is it about him that makes me keep coming back for more abuse?"

"Are you asking for advice on your personal life from a fourteen-year-old? You've sunk pretty low," Mission said, winking at her.

"Well, you are my last resort," Brinna said, playfully. Then she said seriously, "I can hardly ask Bastila, can I? And I don't even want to think of what Canderous would say if I tried talking to him about this."

"Good point," Mission said, smiling. "I can just picture to look on his face. I don't think he'd be a whole lot of help anyway."

"I just wish there was some way for me to convince Carth that he has no reason to suspect me like he does. I just wish he'd trust me. All I want is to be his friend. I don't want his life savings!"

"From what I've seen, Carth seems to think his trust is a lot more valuable than anything else," Mission replied.

"That's true," Brinna said with a sigh. She sat back down on the edge of her bunk and rubbed her temples tiredly. "Mission, what am I going to do? If I keep trying to befriend Carth, Bastila's going to keep giving me a hard time and I don't know if I can stand too many more of her lectures. If I stop trying, my conscience will give me a hard time. It's just so obvious to me that he needs someone to talk to and if I can possibly, by some miracle, be the person he talks to, I feel like I should be there for him."

"Why?" Mission asked.

"Because…because it's like he's on the edge, you know? And I don't want him to fall off. I think he's got too much to live for, even if he doesn't. And I'm the only one who tries. Canderous is just amused by Carth's paranoia—as if Carth would ever trust a Mandalorian anyway. Bastila's too busy trying to be a paragon of a Jedi to even bother. As for Zaalbar, well, he's not exactly the most effusive creature in the universe. And no offense, but I can't picture Carth confiding in you."

"I'm not offended," Mission assured her. "I don't think Carth sees me as a baby but I don't think he sees me as being as mature as you do. And you're right; you are the only one who's trying. You're probably the only one who's even noticed that something serious is bothering Carth, aside from me. Like you said, Carth just amuses Canderous and Bastila wouldn't realize someone had feelings if they beat her over the head with them. As for Big Z, well, like I've said before, he's really the strong, silent type. Besides, if Carth's likely to talk to anyone, it'll be you. After all, there's something about you that makes people want to talk to you, even if they don't want to talk to anyone else. I should know. I've felt it myself."

Brinna was surprised by that information. "You really think that?"

"Yeah. Ain't it obvious to you? I mean, every stranger on Taris was practically falling all over themselves to tell you about their problems and to ask you to help fix them. I'm the perfect example. Who did I go to when Big Z was kidnapped by the Gamorreans? Not the Beks, who I knew really well, but to you, who I didn't know at all."

When she stopped to consider Mission's words, Brinna realized that there was a lot of truth in them. It was a very strange realization.

"Why me? I'm nothing special," Brinna said, bewildered.

Mission snorted. "Oh yeah, right. You're nothing special at all. You're probably like the oldest Jedi apprentice in history and you're already far more advanced than apprentices who've been studying with the Jedi their whole lives. You're about to be made a Padawan after only a month of training when there are apprentices out there who've been trying for ten years."

"Mission…" Brinna began to protest, but Mission cut her off with a shake of her head so vigorous it set her head tails to wagging.

"I know how modest you are, Brinna, but it's true. You are special, whether you want to think so or not. If you ask me, the problem with Bastila is that she likes to think she's the special one, what with her Battle Meditation and all. Then, all of a sudden, you come along and blow her out of the water. That's probably half the reason why she's so cold with you."

"She's cold with everyone," Brinna said automatically.

The Twi'lek nodded in agreement. "That's true, but she's even colder with you than she is with everyone else. Hell, she's probably friendlier with Canderous than she is with you and you know how nice those two are to each other. I think we've all noticed how cold Bastila can be to you."

"Well, if I'm supposed to be so charming and wonderful that everyone wants to confide all in me, why does Bastila act that way? And what about Carth?"

"I don't know," Mission said, with a frown. "I've been trying to figure that out but I'm coming up blank. I think it's all really weird."

Brinna fell back on the bunk with a groan. "Life used to be so simple on Deralia. Now I have all this…this bantha poo-doo to deal with."

"Life was easy on Deralia, was it?" Mission asked, raising her brows skeptically.

"No," Brinna sighed. The sad thing was, she hadn't even told Mission everything about her life on Deralia, just the stuff she'd already told Carth as well. They both knew about her father but neither of them really knew anything about her mother or about Amara.

But then, what did it matter if she held back from Carth? She knew he was holding back from her as well. Mission was right; Brinna had been going out into the cockpit late each night for a chat with Carth. Her training always left her far too wired to sleep right away and it was calming to sit in the cockpit with Carth, calming to be in his presence, in spite of his continued paranoia and lack of trust.

Their relationship had grown beyond mere acquaintance but it had not yet become what Brinna would call a friendship. Carth had told her a little more about himself, even some stories about his childhood on Telos, but there was a big part of his life about which he refused to talk. There had been times when she had asked him what she had thought were innocent questions and his face had gone hard and cold and he'd withdraw into himself. Any efforts she had made to draw him out after this point were repulsed and she had relented and gone off to bed frustrated more than once.

Aside from this, their unspoken agreement was still in place. She had not yet asked him anything more about his bitterness against Saul and he, in turn, had not asked her again about her necklace. However, she didn't really enjoy holding back from Carth. She would like to be able to confide everything in him, to tell him the whole awful story, but she couldn't. If he wasn't going to trust her, she couldn't trust him enough to open herself up that way, no matter how badly she wanted to do it. In order for her to make herself vulnerable to him, he would have to make himself vulnerable to her too.

"I don't think you're the type to really want things to be easy anyway," Mission said, breaking the silence at last. "Just to prove myself right, I bet you're still planning on having a chat with Carth tonight, aren't you?"

"Yes," Brinna admitted, with a sigh.

"Take this, would ya?" Mission asked, tossing her stealth field generator at Brinna.

Using her command of the Force to entertain Mission, Brinna stopped the generator in mid-air and then redirected it back to Mission. She couldn't help but smile at the admiring gasp that came out of Mission's mouth.

"That is so cool," Mission breathed. "I'm glad you're not all stuck up about using your powers like Bastila is. But why won't you take it?"

"Because of Bastila," Brinna said succinctly. When Mission sent her a confused glance she explained, "Because I'm not going to let her tell me what I can and can't do. If I want to talk to Carth, I'm going to talk to him. I am not about to start sneaking around like I'm a disobedient teenager and Bastila's my mother."

"Bastila as a mother," Mission said, with an exaggerated shudder. "Now there's a scary thought."

Brinna laughed and turned to her footlocker, digging her pajamas out as she spoke. "No chance of that. Bastila doesn't believe in emotional entanglements, remember?"

Unfortunately for her, she did not see Bastila and she did not sense the other Jedi's presence until it was too late. "Neither should you," Bastila's cold voice said. "But then, you do like to pick and choose which of the tenants you wish to follow, do you not?"

Straightening up with her pajamas in hand, Brinna pushed aside the slight guilt she felt at Bastila's words. She turned to face Bastila and, out of the corner of her eye, saw Mission wincing. "Not tonight, Bastila," Brinna said, in a tight voice.

"I will not say anything more. I know you are nervous about your tests tomorrow, as well you should be. However, I would suggest you spend considerable time meditating upon your own behavior and coming to a decision as to whether or not you are going to abide by the tenants you are supposed to be promising to uphold."

Gritting her teeth, Brinna nodded curtly at Bastila and then turned away from her and began to change her clothes. When she was finished, she returned to her bunk and Mission began to play with her hair once more but any relaxation Brinna might have felt was buried under her annoyance with Bastila.

Why doesn't she just come right out and say it? She doesn't think I'm fit to be a Jedi, Brinna thought.

Well, maybe she's right, a small voice in the back of her mind replied. After all, you aren't very good at following the tenants of the Order, are you?

"As if she is," Brinna muttered under her breath.

"You're talking out loud again," Mission breathed. She was used to the odd phrase that popped out of Brinna's mouth when Brinna's internal dialogue was raging.

There was a tense silence in the room and all the fun Brinna and Mission had been having was gone. Without delay, Mission finished what she was doing and then she and Brinna gave her handiwork no more than a perfunctory glance before Mission climbed into her own bunk to sleep. Brinna didn't even bother to wait until she was certain Bastila was asleep before she slipped out of the bunkroom.

As usual, Carth was already in the cockpit when she arrived. Sometimes Brinna wondered if he ever left it for any other purpose than to eat meals in the common room with everyone else. Something told her that he probably didn't.

"Hey," he said, without turning around.

"Hey," she answered, wearily slipping into the empty seat.

He must have heard the fatigue in her tone because he turned to look sympathetically at her. "You nervous about tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yes," she admitted. "And it doesn't help that I just had a little spat with Bastila."

"Over what?" he asked, and she realized her mistake.

She decided it was time for a partial truth. "She doesn't think I adhere to the Jedi Code as strictly as I should."

To her surprise, he smiled. "She probably thinks that about most of the other Jedi she knows."

"Carth!" she said, shocked. She had only once before heard him say something less than respectful about Bastila, back on Taris when he had given her a hard time about her losing her lightsaber.

"Oh, what? Sure, I admire Bastila but she's not perfect."

"I didn't think you had it in you," Brinna said, almost admiringly.

"I'm just full of surprises," he said, with a grin.

"I guess so," she said, smiling.

"Don't worry about Bastila. She's just uptight."

"She's not the only one," Brinna said, looking pointedly at Carth.

"Guilty as charged," he admitted, with an affable smile.

"I have to admit; sometimes I think she is right. I mean, I admire the Jedi and think they do a lot of good but there are things about the Order that…well, I guess they don't sit right with me."

"Like what?" Carth asked.

"Like the idea of not allowing yourself to feel emotions, to not allow yourself to become attached to anyone. I don't know…I guess it just strikes me as sort of lonely," Brinna said, with a shrug.

"It is," Carth said.

Surprised, she turned to look at him and saw that his face was tense as he stared out into space. His eyes had taken on a haunted look that she had seen in them before. It was a look she knew well. She'd worn it for a while herself.

She wanted to probe but she sensed that if she pushed him any further he would shut down again and she didn't want that, not tonight. It was something that he had shared those two little words with her. Carth turned to look at her and she saw something like gratitude in his gaze. At the sight, she was glad she'd chosen not to push him any further just yet.

"Your hair's different," he said, gazing at her contemplatively.

"Oh, yeah. Mission was fooling around with it earlier to try to help me relax. Of course, she wasn't all that much help. I mean, she had the nerve to tell me that my hair looks like a Wookie's been chewing on it," Brinna told him, in mock-outrage.

He laughed and shook his head. "Wow, she's certainly sweet."

"Yeah, she's a real gem."

"Well, I don't think it looks like a Wookie's been chewing on it," he told her.

"Thanks."

"It looks more like a womp rat's been snacking on it to me."

"Listen, flyboy, I have Force powers and I'm not afraid to use them," she said, trying to sound menacing but failing spectacularly because of the laughter in her voice.

"Oooh, I'm scared."

"Is that the best you can do? Really, Carth, you disappoint me." She shook her head and sent him a disparaging look.

"I'm serious. I mean, I thought you were scary before but now that you have Force powers…"

"You ought to work on developing that charm. A little bit more of it and you'll be irresistible to women the galaxy over," she said sarcastically.

"Right," he said faintly. A look of pain flashed across his face but it was gone almost as quickly as it came. "Listen, you shouldn't worry. I'm sure you'll do a great job tomorrow. I told you on Taris that you're one of the most skilled women I've ever met and I was serious about that."

"Thanks," Brinna said, strangely touched.

"There's no need to thank me. It's the truth. Anyway, it seems pretty ridiculous to me that you'd even worry about how well you're going to do. I mean, you've only been training for a month and the Jedi already think you're ready to become a Padawan. Don't you think that's a pretty fair indication that you can most likely handle whatever test they're going to put you through?"

"You sound like Mission."

"That's because Mission's right."

"I guess you two aren't as useless as I'd feared," Brinna teased.

"That's good of you to say," Carth said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, whatever test they put me through can't be as brutal as the training's been," Brinna said, wincing and rubbing her sore neck. "Sometimes I think they're trying to kill me."

"Poor baby."

"Your sympathy overwhelms me."

"Anytime."

"You may be used to the abuse, soldier boy, but don't forget I was a simple scout before this whole thing started."

"I find it hard to believe you were ever simple in any way," he told her.

She smiled at that. "True enough. I've been called many things but simple's not one of them."

"Oh really? What else have you been called?" he asked teasingly, looking at her with upraised brows.

"Well, aside from the standards of gorgeous and beautiful, I've also been called amazing, wonderful, perfect…"

"Don't you think you're exaggerating just a bit with that last one?" he asked her, with a smile.

She couldn't help but notice he'd only referred to the last word. Her heart did a strange lurch.

Stop it!

"Not at all," she said, hoping he hadn't noticed her reaction.

"You just keep telling yourself that," he said.

"Shhh. I like the world I've created in my head. Don't ruin it," she told him.

"I wouldn't want to do that," he responded.

They were quiet for a minute, Brinna massaging her neck absentmindedly. She wondered if he'd meant to compliment her, or if she was reading too much into things. It was probably the latter, she decided. But then again, he had called her both beautiful and gorgeous. She maybe could have written that off but there'd been that eye-opening incident in the common room, in front of Zaalbar and Mission…

"You're obviously getting nowhere fast," Carth said, breaking into her thoughts.

"What?" she asked, momentarily disoriented by the way his statement fit eerily well with the thoughts that had been running through her head.

"With your neck. You've been doing that since you came in here. You look all contorted."

"Deal with it. I'm in pain."

"Sorry, I can't deal with it any longer," he told her, standing up from his chair.

Confused, she watched him, thinking he was going to leave and wondering how it was possible for something as stupid as her massaging her own neck to make him angry. The next thing she knew, he had stepped around the console and was standing behind her, gently pushing her hand away as he own hands came down on her shoulders and he began rubbing.

At first she was so shocked by the gesture that her shoulders became tenser than ever. However, under his careful ministrations, she felt the knots in her muscles ease and then disappear altogether. His hands were warm and sure and he applied just enough pressure with his thumbs to make her feel like her muscles were melting under his touch. Inadvertently, she felt her head tip forward as the tension eased out of her.

"You're far too good at this. You must have had a lot of practice," she mumbled, barely able to string a coherent sentence together thanks to the magic he was working with his hands.

"It's been a long time," he said, noncommittally.

She wanted to puzzle over his words but she was far too distracted by his hands. She wondered how it was that she could possibly find his touch both relaxing and stimulating at the same time. All of her worries and cares melted away and she found herself hoping he wouldn't stop any time soon.

His hands shifted and she felt his thumbs brush over the nape of her neck with a feather-light touch that made her spine tingle. Gently, he eased his thumbs up under the leather cord of her necklace. Her skin was suddenly extremely sensitive and it was all she could do to prevent herself from gasping aloud. She felt herself shiver slightly and whether he noticed it or not, she couldn't say. He had begun to gently knead to knot that she had been trying unsuccessfully to rub out herself.

Carth didn't remove his hands from her immediately after he finished. He left them to rest on her and his warmth permeated the thin fabric of her shirt. His thumbs brushed gently once more over the back of her neck as he slowly eased his hands away from her. There was a funny sensation in the pit of her stomach and she found herself wishing he would put his hands back where they had been.

"Thanks," she said, hoping her voice didn't sound too breathless.

"Anytime," he said and the low tone of his voice sent another thrill through her. She was a sucker for that voice. She had been ever since the first moment she'd heard it.

"I feel a lot better now," she said, finding it took some effort to keep her tone even, to prevent herself from stumbling over her words.

"Glad I could help," he replied.

"I'm so relaxed I could probably fall asleep right here. I should probably get to bed now," she told him. It was a complete lie. She wasn't at all relaxed. Every nerve in her body seemed to be tingling and she felt a little lightheaded. The truth was, she was finding herself very attracted to Carth and she had decided that she had better put as much distance between herself and him as possible for the time being.

"Good night, Brinna," he said to her as she stood and made her way past him.

"Good night, Carth," she said, nearly fleeing from the room.