Brinna was in the middle of a very pleasant dream when an extremely unwelcome voice cut in, telling her that it was time to get up. With a groan, Brinna rolled over and tried desperately to recall the dream, to fall back into it, but the voice was now accompanied by an impatient hand jostling her shoulder.
"All right, I'm up," Brinna said grouchily, pushing herself up into a sitting position.
Bastila frowned at her. "Today is an important day. I would have thought you'd have long since risen."
"I'm not a morning person," Brinna said shortly.
"Obviously," Bastila replied, pressing her lips into a thin line and turning away from Brinna.
Scrubbing a hand over her face and groaning one last time, Brinna pulled herself out of her bunk and went over to her footlocker, dressing swiftly and pulling on her Echani fiber armor. She tried her best to suppress a yawn as she pulled her boots on and reached for her weapons.
"Perhaps if you did not stay up so late you would not feel the need to sleep in as late as you do," Bastila said. Her voice rang with disapproval and Brinna felt her grouchiness increase tenfold.
"Why don't you just come right out and say what you want to say?" she asked, striding over to Bastila and meeting her eye-to-eye with a challenging gaze. "Why don't you just forbid me to spend time with Carth?"
There was a flash of anger in Bastila's eyes but it was quickly replaced by the serene look she seemed to have perfected. However, her appearance could not deceive Brinna, as attuned with Bastila's emotions as she was. Brinna knew the other Jedi was very annoyed with her.
"I can hardly forbid you to do anything you wish to do. I have no such control over you or your actions," Bastila said, in an icy tone.
"Oh really? I was under the impression that you thought you did."
"I am merely trying to help you. You may choose to follow my advice or not, according to your own poorly considered whims. I am simply trying to help you understand what is proper for a Jedi and what is not for you seem quite determined to prove that you do not understand."
With that, Bastila turned on her heel and stalked out of the room. As soon as she was gone, Mission sprang up from her bunk, where she had been pretending to sleep.
"She can lecture with the best of them, can't she?" Mission asked.
Brinna sighed and rubbed her forehead. "As much as I hate to admit it, she is right," she said reluctantly. "I'm not very good at following some of tenants of the Jedi Code."
"And that's a problem because?"
"Because I'm training to become a Jedi. Who am I to pick and choose which tenants I'm going to follow? If I truly am committed to this path, I should follow the rules instead of doing my best to break them."
"Did you ever stop to think that maybe the rules don't make any sense?"
"They exist for a reason. I can see what the Masters are saying; strong emotions could allow the dark side a foothold. I don't know, Mission. Sometimes I think I'm just not cut out for this. I'm about the least serene person I know. How can I ever make a good Jedi if I'm always flying off the handle about the slightest little thing?"
"You'll be a great Jedi because you always want to do what's right. That's all that's important."
"I don't know if that's true or if that's just what I tell myself to try to justify my weaknesses."
"Everyone has weaknesses, even Ms. Perfect Jedi. You just need to know that they're there and do your best to overcome them."
"Maybe you should be a Jedi Master," Brinna teased Mission affectionately. "For as wise as they can be, at times I think I hear greater wisdom coming out of your mouth than theirs."
"It's not wisdom, just common sense," Mission said.
"Call it what you want, then," Brinna said. Her mood turned sober once more. "I should try to get along with Bastila better, though. I don't know what it is about her. All she has to do is look at me funny and I find myself going off on her. I don't like it. I'd rather she and I be friends."
"Stranger things have happened," Mission said, sliding off her bunk and moving over to her own footlocker.
Brinna walked out of the bunkroom, tying her hair back as she went. She found Carth, Canderous, Zaalbar, and Bastila in the common area. Carth was trying to make conversation with Bastila but the Jedi was giving him short answers to all of his questions. He glanced over at Brinna with a questioning look and she shrugged apologetically.
"Excuse us," Bastila said. She had sensed that Brinna wanted to talk to her and they headed into the cockpit.
"That's unnatural," Brinna heard Canderous remark, no doubt in reference to her and Bastila's ability to communicate without words.
"Look, Bastila, I'm sorry about picking a fight with you in the bunkroom. It's just…well, I know you disapprove of my relationship with Carth. I know you mean well with your advice but Carth needs someone to talk to and I'm the only one he's responded to. I can't just abandon that. I don't ask you to accept this but I at least hope you will understand."
To Brinna's astonishment, Bastila looked troubled. "I will not lie to you, Brinna. I am troubled about your relationship with Carth. I think it ill advised. But I know you will not heed my advice in that area. I just ask that you use caution, as much as you are able."
"I will, Bastila," Brinna agreed, trying her best to overlook the subtle digs Bastila had gotten in on her.
"Come. We mustn't keep Master Zhar waiting any longer," Bastila told her.
"Carth, you're with us," Brinna said, as they walked back out into the common room. She could sense Bastila's disapproval but, for once, the Jedi kept her mouth shut.
Carth suited up quickly and he, Bastila, and Brinna exited the Hawk and made for the training room adjoining the Council chambers. Carth and Bastila stood near the door as Brinna advanced to Master Zhar to begin her first test.
To her relief, it was an easy one. She simply had to recite the Jedi Code to Master Zhar. Though she had yet to prove that she could live by it, she had memorized it the first day of her training and she had no problem reciting it correctly to Master Zhar. He nodded his approval but Brinna noticed there was a guarded expression on his face as he sent her to Master Dorak to choose a lightsaber.
Master Dorak explained the different positions within the Order to her and asked her a series of questions to determine the position to which he felt her most suited. It was obvious to her from the start that she was meant to be a Guardian. She did not have the patience or the tact that either one of the other positions required but she had always been good at rushing into the fray, fists blazing. Her answers to Master Dorak's questions only reinforced her beliefs and he placed a lightsaber and a blue crystal in her hands.
As she accepted her new weapon from him, Brinna felt a strange sensation. The weapon just felt so…right in her hands. She could think of no other way to describe the sensation. From the moment she touched it, she felt as though she'd been wielding a lightsaber all her life and this feeling gave her a burst of confidence, making her feel that maybe she was truly meant to follow this path.
She carried the lightsaber and the crystal over to the workbench where she deftly set the crystal within the hilt. The task was as easy to her as upgrading a vibroblade and when she handed the weapon to Master Zhar for inspection, he complimented her work.
He then assigned her a final task. There was a grove not far from the compound where the Jedi had once gone to meditate but it was now tainted. Master Zhar would not give her any specific details about the nature of the taint but he did say some things that made Brinna think that maybe her task might require some brains as well as some brawn.
"You must complete this task without the aide of another Jedi. You may take companions with you if you wish but you must use what you have learned to help you determine how to complete this task," Master Zhar told her. "For your actions will help to determine the path you will take as a member of the Order. Padawan Bastila will remain here with the Council until your task is complete. Once you have cleansed the grove, return to the Council chambers so that you may explain your actions."
"I understand, Master Zhar," Brinna said, inclining her head to him.
"So now what?" Carth asked when she walked over to him.
"All Master Zhar would tell me is that there is a tainted grove to the west of the enclave that I must cleanse. He said I may bring companions with me but I have to complete the task without the benefit of any Jedi counsel so Bastila has to stay behind while I do it."
"Tainted grove?"
"You now have as much information as I do," she said, in response to his questioning look. "Come on, let's go get Canderous. I have a feeling I'm going to need his help in addition to yours."
Carth muttered something indistinct about the madness of Jedi training techniques and Brinna couldn't help but smile. They headed back to the Hawk and collected Canderous, who looked extremely satisfied at having been fetched to accompany them.
"So you needed a little muscle on this crazy Jedi quest of yours," he said smugly, eyeing Carth.
Brinna could see Carth's face go slightly red and she decided she'd better intervene. "Fair enough. I wouldn't ask you along for your brains," she told him carelessly.
Carth shot her a glance that seemed to indicate that he thought she was crazy but Canderous merely laughed at her needling, as she'd known he would. If there was one thing she could say about the Mandalorian, it was that he had a better sense of humor than any of her other companions seemed to realize.
"I don't know how you do it," Carth marveled to her, in a voice that only she could hear.
She shrugged. "I guess I just have a way with Mandalorians."
"You seem to have a way with everyone," he said, but she wasn't quite sure he intended for her to hear him. He was moving away as he said it and was speaking in something of an undertone.
His words reinforced what Mission had said to her and Brinna felt a strange sense of unreality. She sifted through her memories to see if she could remember any other occasions upon which she had used her supposed charm but she couldn't remember anything specific. Maybe she had just been unaware of her ability to interact well with most people she'd met. Still, it seemed strange that she had never really noticed this before Mission had pointed it out to her.
On their way through the enclave's outer courtyard, Brinna, Carth, and Canderous encountered a man named Gar and his wife Rilka, who had come to ask the Council for help with the aggressive kath hounds and the rogue Mandalorians who were terrorizing the area. Brinna was surprised to hear about the Mandalorians, but Canderous obviously wasn't as he made a disparaging comment about the roving bands who were sweeping across the galaxy. Gar then told them about another settler, Jon, who had lost his daughter when the Mandalorians had invaded his home.
"He should have been protecting her better if he wanted to keep her," Canderous said contemptuously.
Gar responded angrily to Canderous's words, calling him a Mandalorian beast. Brinna agreed with Gar; Canderous's words had turned her stomach. She realized that she was sometimes so focused on the good humor in him and on his potential that she forgot just how depraved he had been in the past and may very well continue to be in the future. She glanced over at Carth and saw that his jaw was set in an angry line and his grip on his vibroblades was so tight that his knuckles were white.
When they had finished speaking with Gar, they made their way over to Jon who gave them some more detail about what had happened during the Mandalorian raid on his home. Canderous once again expressed his disgust at Jon's inability to care for his daughter and Brinna felt herself get truly angry. She agreed to do whatever she could to rid the area of the Mandalorians and promised Jon that she would let him know if she was able to find and take down their leader.
"That was really uncalled for, don't you think?" Brinna angrily asked Canderous as they moved away from the enclave. "That poor man just lost his daughter. How do you think he feels? What you said to him was just plain reprehensible."
"We Mandalorians take responsibility for our own weakness," Canderous replied to her, his tone derisive. "We don't have any of your precious Republic illusions or Jedi sanctimonious rhetoric."
"So it was weakness that prevented that poor man from being able to defend his family against a bunch of highly armed and dangerous Mandalorians? You know, Canderous, sometimes I think you're incapable of seeing reality for what it is. Your head is so full of battle and glory that you don't understand what it means to be human. I find that extremely disappointing," Brinna said.
He opened his mouth to say something more but she dismissed him with a gesture and moved ahead of him. She was far too angry to continue the argument and she took several deep breaths and recited the Jedi Code in her head in an attempt to clear the black fog of anger that had taken up residence in her mind. She was disappointed in him. He could be so much more than he was, if only he'd learn to open his mind up a little. Perhaps it was ridiculous for her to think that she could help him change but she was determined to do what she could.
"I'm glad you stood up to him," Carth told her quietly, startling her out of her thoughts.
"I couldn't believe he said what he did to that poor man. It made me sick to my stomach."
"Me too," Carth said, clenching his jaw.
Once again, she caught a glimpse of the deep, deep pain he did his best to conceal. She opened her mouth to ask him a question but was interrupted by Canderous's battle cry of, "This is what I live for!" Brinna turned to see that he was in hot pursuit of a kath hound.
Clearing her mind of her anger, Brinna focused on the Force that flowed through her and used it to help her leap the distance between her and the kath hound. She had tried this technique during some of her sparring sessions with Bastila and it never ceased to amaze her. It was pure exhilaration to leap through the air in that manner and it always caused a thrill in the pit of Brinna's stomach.
The kath hound was only the first of many that they encountered as they made their way through the plains of Dantooine seeking both the grove and the rogue Mandalorians. It did not take long for Brinna to understand why the beasts were proving such a threat to the settlers in the area. Though they weren't much trouble for her, Carth, and Canderous, they were tough and ferocious beasts and she did not doubt that they could make short work of any unsuspecting settler who was unused to combat.
Brinna had originally intended to head directly to the grove to complete her task and then report back to the Masters as soon as she had finished. However, her mind kept echoing with Jon's voice and she could think of nothing other than his obvious anguish. She also had to admit that she felt partially responsible for the further pain Canderous had inflicted on the poor man. It wasn't as if she could dictate how everyone in her party should feel or what they should say, nor would she want to do so. But the fact remained that she had chosen to bring Canderous along on the mission and she couldn't help but feel that it was up to her to do what she could to repair any extra damage he may have inflicted.
"Change of plan," she told Carth and Canderous as they stood around trying to catch their breath after the latest kath hound attack. "We're going to hunt down those Mandalorians before we go to the grove."
"I knew you wouldn't let me down," Canderous said. His smile was nearly feral and there was an unsettling gleam in his eyes as he stowed his vibroblades in the sheaths strapped to his back.
"Just be sure you don't let me down again," Brinna said, her own eyes flashing as she sized him up.
Canderous turned his menacing stare on her and, out of the corner of her eye, Brinna saw Carth take a step toward them, his own vibroblades tightly clenched in his hands. She ignored Carth and, instead, concentrated on staring Canderous down. Several tense minutes passed but, in the end, it was Canderous who backed down, dropping his gaze from hers.
"Are we going to stand around here all day?" he asked, his voice gruff.
"Let's move," Brinna said, turning from him and leading them south. Carth briefly caught her eye and she smiled grimly in response to his look of amazement.
It wasn't difficult to find the Mandalorians. They stood around in plain view, heavily armored and armed and in the company of several mercenary Duos. After a while, Brinna became inured to the sound of the death rattles of the fallen warriors, of the heavy stench of blood and flesh seared courtesy of her lightsaber. In fact, deep inside she couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction, a sense rather akin to exhilaration as she cut down her enemies, which she found extremely disturbing. She had never really thought herself a violent person but standing out there on the plains, her fallen enemies lying at her feet, a heady sensation rushed through her blood and she found that she liked it. It was this knowledge that frightened her more than anything she'd experienced up to this point.
The lure of the dark side is difficult to resist. You must always be on your guard against its insidious call, Master Zhar's voice said, inside her head.
She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing deeply and finding her center, reciting the Code in the hopes that its words might help her. To her relief, they did and she was soon herself again.
"Are you all right?" Carth asked, looking at her with a glance that was both concerned and slightly suspicious at the same time.
"I'm fine," she told him.
He nodded curtly and turned away from her to rummage through an equipment pack that had belonged to one of the Duros they had just slain.
What would he think of me if he knew what was going through my mind just a minute ago? she asked herself. What do I think of myself?
Brinna shook her head slightly and told herself to snap out of it. All of a sudden, she felt a strange rush of déjà vu and she looked about the plains before her with some confusion. She was seeing them for the first time and, yet, they seemed familiar somehow…
"These men were without honor," Canderous spat, his voice jolting her back to reality. "Looking at them makes me sick. Let's hurry up and find their leader. I'll enjoy giving him his due."
"Right. Let's go," Brinna said, her voice tight.
They soon found the leader of the rogue Mandalorians and though he put up a good fight, he and his men eventually fell. Brinna clutched at her side, wincing at the wound left there by a blaster bolt that had made it past her lightsaber while she was busy using it to slash her way through one of the Mandalorians. She ignored the pain and walked over to the fallen Mandalorian leader, picking his helmet up and stowing it away in her pack.
"For Jon," she said, in reply to Carth's questioning look.
He nodded, his eyes going darker than usual and, once again, she could sense his anger and guilt. She saw that she wasn't the only one a little worse for the wear; Carth was sporting a nasty-looking wound on his left arm and a matching one on his upper left thigh. Canderous, as usual, stood about looking nonchalant as his regenerative implant worked its magic.
Closing her eyes and calling on the Force that flowed within her, Brinna used her powers to heal herself and Carth. When she opened her eyes again, her eyes met his and he shook his head.
"I'm not sure I'll ever get used to you doing that," he told her.
She smiled. "Don't hate me because I have Jedi powers," she told him.
"I don't think I could ever hate you," he told her, smiling in response.
Brinna wanted to say something more but before she could, Canderous said, "Are you two going to stand around yammering all day or are we going to go to that grove and get Brinna's little task over with?"
"Canderous is right, we do need to get moving," Brinna said, glancing up at the sky, noticing for the first time that they would soon run out of daylight. She found that she was annoyed with Canderous again, but for a very different reason this time.
"Here, I thought you might find these handy," Carth said, handing her the lightsabers the Mandalorian leader had boasted about collecting.
"Thanks," she said, taking them from him. Her fingers brushed his as he handed them over and she felt herself blushing like some sort of simple schoolgirl. "Come on, we'd better get a move on before Canderous gets too far ahead of us and we stumble on kath hounds chewing his sorry corpse."
Carth laughed. "I think I'm more worried about the kath hounds."
She smiled and the two of them hurried to catch up with Canderous. They were mostly silent as they made their way to the grove, hacking their way through any kath hounds that happened to be unfortunate enough to stumble across their path. There seemed to be an endless supply of the beasts and Brinna wondered what could possibly have happened to have caused them to become as ferocious as they now were.
The last of the daylight was waning as they approached the grove. Kneeling amidst a tumbled cluster of stones was a Cathari female, who appeared to be meditating. Brinna, Carth, and Canderous had only a moment to exchange puzzled looks before the Cathari sprang up, crying, "I will be your doom!" Before Brinna could say anything to her, she had stunned Carth and Canderous and attacked Brinna with her lightsaber.
This is the taint? This Jedi? Brinna thought stupidly as the Cathari's lightsaber met hers with a shower of sparks. Nice of the Masters to tell me…
Brinna had no further leisure for thought as she turned her concentration to the fight with the Cathari. The Cathari was strong and skilled but not as strong or as skilled as Brinna and she called the fight to a stop, asking Brinna why she had come to the grove.
Though the dark side had a hold on the Cathari, Brinna could sense that the female was not yet wholly overcome by it. Choosing her words carefully, Brinna questioned the Cathari and learned that it was she who had caused the kath hounds to become suddenly vicious, that she had turned to the dark side after she had struck her Master, Quatra, down in anger during training. Compassion for the young female flowed through Brinna, and she spoke gently, hoping that she could somehow reach out to the Cathari, that their battle could end in something other than violence.
Her words had the desired effect and Brinna could soon feel that the darkness emanating from the Cathari was waning. By this time, Carth and Canderous were no longer stunned but they stood as still as if they both still were, apparently captivated by what was transpiring between Brinna and the Cathari, Juhani.
At last, Juhani agreed to return to the Enclave and speak with the Masters. She thanked Brinna for her help and ran in the direction of the Enclave. Brinna found that she was more exhausted by the battle to reclaim Juhani from the dark side than she had been by the physical battle that had occurred between the two of them.
"Wow," Carth breathed, staring at her in amazement.
"Your words might have turned Mandalore himself," Canderous remarked, looking at her with something like admiration.
She smiled tiredly at the two of them. "Yes, I'm ever so amazing. Can we go back to the Enclave now? I'm tired and I'm sick of the stench of kath hounds."
Canderous grinned at her and turned in the direction of the Enclave and Carth cast one last look of wonder her way before turning and following.
Brinna felt a warm glow of satisfaction as she and her comrades made their way back to the Enclave. She now understood what Master Zhar had been trying to teach her throughout her training. Jedi were not mindless soldiers, using sheer brute force to defeat their enemies. A Jedi should always use his or her wisdom as well as sometimes things were not always what they seemed.
Before entering the Enclave, Brinna stopped and gave the helmet of the fallen Mandalorian leader to Jon. There were tears in the man's eyes as he handed her several credit chips and though she protested that no reward was necessary, he insisted that she take them. She knew that he would not soon recover from his grief but she was glad she had done what she could to bring about some sort of justice, some sort of closure for him.
Once inside the Enclave, Brinna found Juhani standing in the inner courtyard, chatting with the young Jedi Belaya, who had mistakenly scolded Brinna for not wearing Jedi robes. Juhani told her that she'd spoken with the Masters and that they had explained to her that Quatra had not died, that what had passed between Juhani and her Master had been a part of Juhani's training. Quatra had taught Juhani all she could and had moved on to train other prospective Jedi. The Council had forgiven Juhani and had taken her back into their fold.
Carth shook his head incredulously and said that he could not approve of such training methods. Brinna was rather shocked herself and found that she agreed with him. Had such an exercise failed, Juhani might have been lost to the dark side or she might have been slain at Brinna's hand. Brinna couldn't shake the conviction that it was rather cavalier of the Masters to toy with a life in this manner.
Tactfully as usual, Canderous announced that the Jedi's forgiveness of Juhani and their willingness to give her a second chance constituted a weakness on the part of the Jedi. Juhani glared at him and Brinna felt a ripple of darkness from her.
Rolling her eyes, Brinna said dryly, "Right. The whole galaxy should behave as civilly as you Mandalorians do. Come on, we need to go see the Council."
Before they left, Juhani thanked Brinna once more and Belaya expressed the conviction that Brinna had done a good thing by bringing Juhani back into the Order. Brinna was glad to leave the two friends to their conversation as it was obvious that they had a great deal to discuss and that they were very happy to see each other once again.
The Council was very pleased with Brinna's actions, and even Bastila sent a rather approving glance Brinna's way. The Masters were very glad that she had returned Juhani to them but they warned her to view Juhani as an example of the perils of the dark side, advice that Brinna accepted very soberly. She was awarded the rank of Padawan and given a set of Jedi robes to wear, as proof of her standing within the Order. Brinna went into a back room to change into her robes before receiving her first mission from the Council.
As she traded her clothing and her Echani fiber armor for the Jedi robes, Brinna's heart lurched almost painfully in her chest. She was really and truly a part of the Jedi Order and was now subject to the whims of the Council. Once more, she felt doubt creeping up on her but, to her surprise, she found that she felt at home in her Jedi robes.
It's time for me to stop doubting myself, to stop doubting my abilities, and to become what I was meant to be, she told herself as she studied her appearance in a mirror. Her reflection stared back at her with a serious expression.
"I am a Jedi," she told it, speaking quietly. The truth of the words gave her the strength she needed to gather up her things and return to the Council chambers.
Brinna's first mission as a Jedi was to explore the Dantooine ruins that she and Bastila had seen in their shared vision. She was to take Bastila with her and they were to promptly report their findings back to the Council. When the assignment had been given, Master Vandar took Brinna aside to speak with her. He told her a little more about Bastila, stating that she would one day be a great Jedi and that her Battle Meditation was a gift. However, Brinna could sense Vandar's concern for Bastila and she ventured to ask him about Bastila's defeat of Revan. Master Vandar's gaze was troubled as he told her that Bastila had been upset when Revan had been slain.
The information provided by Master Vandar was extremely useful to Brinna. She now felt that she had some explanation for Bastila's cold behavior. Her fight with Revan had apparently left her scarred and, doubtless, her sudden sharing of these visions with Brinna had only opened old wounds for her. Brinna felt that Bastila's coldness toward her could be attributed to the unpleasant memories that Brinna had, through no fault of her own, dredged up for the other Jedi.
Suddenly, an angry man burst into the chamber, railing at the Masters that they were ignoring his demands and that if they did not take action soon, he would. Brinna stared in surprise at the man as he left the chamber. The Masters looked troubled as they told her that the man, Ahlan Matale, had been long embroiled in a feud with the Sandral family and that the recent disappearance of his son Shen had nearly sent him over the edge. They said that though the mission they had given her was important, they could not ignore the concerns of the settlers and asked her to look into Ahlan Matale's claims, which she readily agreed to do. The Council wished her luck and dismissed her.
Bastila immediately took the lead, heading toward the Ebon Hawk. Canderous looked at the Jedi with a rather amused expression before following a short distance behind her. Carth waited for Brinna and the two of them walked back to the ship in something of an awkward silence.
As they walked, Brinna was aware that Carth kept sneaking what he probably thought were covert glances at her. She could sense his discomfort and wanted to ask him about the cause of it but she did not want to do so in front of Bastila. Fortunately for her, Bastila and Canderous boarded the ship as soon as they reached the hangar and Brinna stopped for a moment to take a few deep breaths of the cool night air and look off into the Dantooine twilight. Carth followed suit and just when Brinna could no longer stand it and turned to him to say something; she found that he was already staring at her with a rather intense gaze. Her breath caught in her throat, her words dying. Carth reached out and very gently brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.
"So you're really a Jedi now," he said softly, looking at her robes.
"Apparently," she replied, feeling like an idiot.
He smiled at her but the expression fell a little short and didn't quite extend to his eyes. There was something of a wistful expression on his face as he said, "You're going to be a good Jedi."
"Thank you, Carth," she said quietly.
Carth walked past her and boarded the ship as she stood staring at his retreating back. Her thoughts were a confused jumble of all that had happened to her that day but, for the most part, what she thought about was Carth. What was the meaning behind his reaction to her becoming a Padawan?