CHAPTER 3-SYED'S POV

It's mum who meets me at the door when I get home, beaming at me proudly. Of course she's proud-to her, I've always been the perfect son, incapable of ever doing any wrong.

But this...

She'll never forgive me.

But I can't not be with Christian. He deserves to be loved, completely.

And so does Amira-which is why I have to set her free. So she can find a man who deserves her.

However, when mum leads me into the living-room and I come face-to-face with Amira and my dad, I almost lose all courage, almost change my mind. Almost. But then, I see Christian's face, bruised and battered, looking so hurt, tears running down his face, and I remember my promise.

I will not let him down again.

"Syed? Is something wrong?" Mum's voice interrupts my thoughts, and I turn to look at her, maybe for the last time. I love my family, but, Allah help me, I love Christian, too.

And I'm tired of hiding that love.

Mum must have noticed the terrified expression I'm almost certainly wearing, because she steps forward, looking concerned. "Syed, what is it?" She demands. "What's the matter?"

I face Amira, who smiles at me, but her smile fades slightly when she sees the look on my face. Taking a deep breath, I say, softly, as if the tone of my voice can lessen the blow, "You're a wonderful girl, Amira. But I can't marry you. I'm sorry."

"What?!" Mum's having a fit, but it's Dad who grabs my arm. He looks totally calm. "You're nervous, son." He says gently. "It's only natural. Marriage is a huge step, and..."

I can't believe what he's saying. Are they even listening? Have any of then ever really listened?

"For God's sake, Dad, I'm not nervous!" I shout, and watch as he takes a step back, then I look at Amira again. She looks frightened now, like she doesn't understand.

"I'm so sorry." I tell her. "You're amazing, but...I can't do this. You deserve better."

"Syed, you're being silly." Now it's Mum's turn to try to cajole me. "It's just like your father says, you are nervous. You'll be fine..."

"I'm in love with someone else!"

The silence following my announcement is deafening, but not as deafening as the sound Mum's hand makes when it connects with my face. "You...you..." She can barely speak; I think it's the first time I've ever seen her struggle for words.

"Someone else?" Amira is on her feet now, tears in her eyes, looking utterly devastated. I hate myself for hurting her-and the worst is yet to come.

"Someone else?" She repeats brokenly. "You've been...cheating on me?"

"How could you be so stupid?" My father hisses. "You've got this beautiful girl-why would you want another woman? Why?!"

As Amira weeps, my mother raves on and on about bringing shame to the family and my father tries to shout at me over the din, all I can hear is the blood pounding in my head.

Now or never...

"It's not another woman!" Immediately, the room falls silent again, my mother's face contorting into a look of complete incomprehension. "What do you mean, it's not...?" Then her eyes widen. "No, oh no..." She's backing away from me, hands outstretched, as if I'm already far too close.

"Mum, I'm gay." I can feel the tears starting, but I'm powerless to stop them. I turn to my father and Amira, and repeat the words I've spent most of my life too afraid to say. "I'm gay. And I love Christian. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?!" My father roars, at almost exactly the same time as my mother shrieks, "Christian?!" Amira just stands there, sobbing silently.

"Sorry?!" My father looks disgusted. "You...my God. Do you even realise what you've just said? How can do this to us? To Amira?!"

"I haven't done anything?" I protest, unable to hold off the tears. "I haven't done anything except fall in love. Isn't it more important that I follow my heart...?"

"Not with another man!" My father cuts me dead. "And with Christian, of all people?! What's wrong with you?"

"He just told you, Masood." Mum's voice is deadly calm. Too calm. "Our son has been corrupted by that...homosexual." She says it like Christian is a leper, like he has a contagious disease, which angers me. "He has seduced Syed, made him believe he's in love..."

"You make it sound like I didn't know what I was doing!" I can't let Mum talk about the man I love like this. If Christian were here, he would defend himself, but he's not. "The truth is, Mum, that this isn't the first time I've been with a man. It's just the first time I've fallen in love with one. And I made the first move, not Christian."

"Get out of this house!" Dad looks sick, like he might hit me, but he doesn't. "You are no longer my son. I will not have you here."

I expected this rejection, but it still hurts so deeply. Turning to my mother, barely able to see her through my tears, I choke out, "I suppose you feel the same, Mum."

She doesn't speak at first, but then says, her voice cold as ice, "You know that homosexuality is forbidden in Islam. If you want to be with...him, then I must agree with your father. You have brought untold disgrace to your family Syed, and to your faith. Pack your things."

"He's still your son." It's the first time in ages that Amira has spoken, and I'm astonished by her choice of words. As are my parents, judging by their expressions. She looks right at me, still looking deeply hurt, but also...understanding?

"I can't believe you." She says, tears streaming down her face again. "I can't believe that all this time, you and Christian...my friend...why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't." She's so beautiful; how could I do this to her? "There was never going to be a good time, was there? I'm sorry Amira, I'm truly sorry, but...I couldn't help it. I just...I love him."

"Get out!" My father's shouting again, but he's right. I have to go. The damage has been done now. Before I can move, however, Amira tales off her engagement ring and pushes it into my hand. "I'm sorry too, Syed." She murmurs, wiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry you've had to live a lie all this time. I just wish you'd been honest with me from the start. It would have saved a lot of heartache."

"Honest?!" Mum sounds hysterical now-I knew the calm couldn't last. "Honest?! Do you even realize what this means to our people? Our mosque?"

"I don't care!" I finally explode, screaming into her face, and she stumbles back. "I don't care about any of that anymore. I love Christian. And he loves me. We want to be together. We're going to be together. And nobody's going to stop us."

Mum claps a hand to her mouth and points to the door. "Get out." She orders. "And know that you are no longer part of this family."

I nod, and walk to the door, my heart breaking. The only thing keeping me going is the thought of Christian across the Square, waiting for me. Briefly, I turn to face my parents and Amira for the final time. "That's your choice." I say, tears threatening once again. "Just remember that none of this was mine. I'll get my things."...