Regrets, I've had a Few…

Tyr Anasazi was stunned as he sat in his mansion, listening to his former co-star's account of what she endured after Sunshine was made. He'd gone on from Sunshine to become a B-list actor and leading man. In the last five years, he had starred in a dozen or so different movies, his long locks and accommodating attitude becoming the staple of his brand. Hero or villain, he was very good at either role, and his properly taxed millions attested to that. The 28-year-old orphan wasn't a druggie or party guy. Between movies, he lived quietly on his estate. Like the rest of the cast and crew, he'd always been interested in the fate of the lovely Ms. Rutherford. She'd hugged everyone goodbye at the end of the wrap party - except him, of course - stating that she was going home, and then she'd gone radio silent. Everyone from that movie had kept in touch over the years, everyone except her. Well, thanks to the persistence of a D-list actor, now they knew why. What kind of shit was that? Excommunication? Being disowned? Suicide? What, was this the 1960s all over again? And why the hell hadn't the stubborn woman reached out to him all those years ago? Anyone who worked on that movie would have gladly come to her and helped extract her from such a toxic situation. They'd been her friends, damnit!

Since the interview was over, the attractive man turned off the Livestream and called his old director for more answers. Apparently, he was not the only one who had this brilliant idea. Over the next few weeks, counter-protests against the girl's family, her old church, and even her old jobs sprang up. People subjected the Rutherfords to the same cruelty that they'd put the only girl-child of Ralph and Samantha Rutherford through. But instead of moving away or giving up, the family rallied around the church, all determined to justify what had happened. The new evidence of her virginity, however, made what they'd done to her inexcusable. Apparently, 'she never bothered to tell us' was not enough of an excuse to justify their behavior.

Similarly, people were desperate to reach out to Lorraine Rutherford and let her know that she was no longer alone. Jonathan Ester did not allow it. He and his wife stubbornly refused to give out any information about the girl beyond 'Lorraine Rutherford is happy in her new life and does not wish to relive old trauma. She wants to be left alone'."

The rest of the cast and crew started opening up about what a unique and unprecedented experience working on Sunshine had been for them. Most admitted that they had been waiting for Lorraine to speak out before they did. It had never been confirmed that Lorraine still had contact with the Esters. Now that it was, there was an outpouring of love and support through the man to their old crew member.

"No, you don't understand. I didn't initially want to use Tyr at all. Those men that she was practicing her lines with when production first started? They were auditioning for his part without her knowing," Jonathan told The Nostalgia Critic in an interview a few weeks after Lorraine's. "The girl was so innocent and I didn't want her exposed to him if at all possible. But then… Her reaction to him… The undeniable chemistry between the two of them… I knew I would be a fool to ignore that. So Tyr was hired on as her co-star."

"That's amazing!" Doug nodded. "And she had no idea this was happening?"

"I told her that I wanted her to have as much practice with her lines as possible before we started filming. This was her first foray into filming; she had no reason to doubt me. Like I said, Lorraine was and still is an innocent in many ways. I needed that for the sake of her character. I-"

"Hey, here's a question! As one of the only people that knew what she'd been going through in her hometown, why didn't you do anything about it? Tell her parents that the sex scene wasn't real or-"

"Hindsight is 20/20, right? The truth is, Lorraine is a very private person. She never told me what was happening with her family and church and so on. She said that it had been 'family business' when I demanded explanations after the fact. Little Raina has always been adamant that you don't discuss family business outside of the family - that's just the way she was raised. She didn't reach out to anyone, which is why things got so bad for her. In all honesty, until my wife insisted on checking in on her the night of the Oscars, I thought that she was handling the protests just fine. She'd gotten a new job as a nighttime stock associate in a supermarket, she had a new apartment, and she seemed to be looking forward to the Oscars so much, I thought things were turning a corner for her. Turns out that they were, just not the way I expected. She premeditated her suicide attempt and if my Lila hadn't suspected that something was wrong and gone to investigate, we would have lost one of the most talented actresses of our age."

"Wow… That's unbelievable!"

"Yeah, In retrospect, I should have known that something was happening with her. Lorraine is in no way a night person. It probably contributed to her depression to force herself to be up all night and sleep all day; it's not for everyone. And Lorraine is a born n- she's a natural at what she does, she used to talk about how she felt that it was 'her calling'. That it was 'where she belonged'. Losing the ability to help people in the way she wanted to likely hurt her to the core. And… I don't know… Lorraine doesn't do anything for the accolades. That just isn't the type of girl she is. It never was. For her to be excited for the Oscars of all things… I should have known that something was up".

"But I had no idea how badly the floor had flown out from under her, you know? Well, I damn sure found out during her time hiding in my house in the Alps! After a lengthy discussion with my wife - and against my better judgment - we left the girl alone in our house to get all her tears and frustration out. The place was an absolute mess by the end of the week. She didn't eat or drink during that time. The only thing I insisted on was that we video chat once a day. We stayed only 30 minutes away from our house in a hotel. If she didn't check in with me, I'd come busting down the door like the fucking Kool-aid Man!" The two shared a laugh at that image, both knowing that it would likely show up on DeviantArt at some point. Once the two men calmed down, Doug continued the interview.

"You must have felt responsible," Critic shrugged.

"Oh, I still do. She hadn't wanted to do that sex scene in the first place. But Tyr and I insisted that it was necessary for the film. And it was. But given all that she went through, I don't know that I would have asked her to put everything on the line like she did. I underestimated her family's ire, her church's fury. I feel that I took advantage of her generous nature and for that - if you're watching, Lorraine - I am truly sorry." The second interview ended there, but there were no new soundbites from the girl.

Life went on for Lorraine. She ignored all of the controversies her interview spawned, ignored the increase in the number of people who recognized her, stopped watching the Nostalgia Critic altogether, and got back to her job as a hospital nurse in Calgary, Alberta. She hadn't lied to Doug. In the years since all of this happened, she had come to accept that it was over and done with. The 26-year-old had a good life full of friends both online and off, coworkers who liked her, a house and car that were completely paid off thanks to the royalties she'd made off of her movie, and absolutely no one spitting on her.

"I think I like that - the no spitting thing - best of all," she told her therapist two months after that fateful interview. Patient confidentiality meant that her health records were not about to be spread all over the internet. And it felt good to get all of this off of her chest. When she'd started going to a therapist 17 months ago, she'd been so full of guilt and darkness that she was just barely hiding it all. She'd been simply existing. But with Doctor Mylo's help, she'd slowly taken back the reins of her life. She'd come to see that what had happened to her back in Philly was not her fault. With the right combination of medication, she'd even started to see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding her life. She was no longer suicidal, not even idly fantasizing about it. And she was happier than she'd been since her old life had ended.

"I'm proud of you, Lorraine. You've come so far in such a relatively short time."

Thank you, doctor," the girl blushed. "I don't think that I could have recovered this well on my own. And, of course, the drugs help," she grinned.

"With such a deep depression and anxiety disorder, medicine was inevitable. But even with the 'drugs', your self-talk is better than I would have expected so soon in the healing process."

"I think I used to hate myself," Lorraine admitted. "After all the pain, I just wanted it to end. But as I started to assign blame where it needed to go, that self-hatred just… disappeared. I'm much happier now."

"Have you gone to any of the churches that we talked about?" Silence was the doctor's only answer. "Lorraine, I know that you were excommunicated from your old church, but that doesn't mean you are barred from all forms of worship. You are a woman of great faith and you need an outlet for that."

"I know, doctor. I just… That would be another wound opened. You have no idea how much it hurts to be told 'you are not allowed to worship here anymore'. I loved my church. I was involved in it three days a week besides Sunday because I believed in the message that much. I just don't know if I could take it if it happened again. Me getting involved only to be sent away."

"Lorraine, there's no reason for anyone to send you away. Things aren't the same as they are in America. You will be safe. It's been five years now and I am confident that God is not going to strike you down if you enter his house of worship. I would suggest that you pick one, sit in on a service - even if it's one of the early ones where there aren't as many people - and see how you feel afterward. In fact, let's make that your goal for next week. Do you work this weekend?"

"No," she sighed.

"Then it's settled. This is the perfect opportunity for you to get a little closure. We'll look more into this next week, okay? Just make an appointment with my secretary. It's time to face this… Leslie," he said firmly as he opened the door. "I know that you can do this."

"Are you ready to make an appointment, Ms. Pince?" the woman behind the receptionist desk asked. It took a moment for Raina to remember that it was supposed to be her. Sometimes the duality of her life was stressful in and of itself.

… …

"Where is she?" Tyr asked desperately. Jonathan looked at the actor sitting in his living room and sighed.

"You know I can't tell you that," the director said firmly. "Lorraine has asked to be left alone. She's alone now and she doesn't want to see anyone from her old life. She's finally free of that life, are you willing to give up your own career for her if she asks it of you? Live anonymously? More importantly, are you willing to bring the circus of the media and activist groups back into her life? People are going nuts over her right now. Are you really so selfish that you are willing to bring the madness back to her?"

This gave the man pause. Just how far was he willing to go with this? During their time as coworkers, they hadn't dated. Hell, Tyr had dated plenty before and since. So, why was he suddenly so determined to meet back up with an emotionally unstable woman who'd obviously gone to great lengths to evaporate out of her life? He scrubbed his face tiredly.

"I don't know, maybe? She disappeared so suddenly, so completely that I always wondered where she was and what she was up to. Hell, with her family's attitude, I'd often questioned myself if she was even real all this time. Now there's a real chance that I could finally find out what happened to her and I admit that my curiosity may be getting the better of me."

"Is it just curiosity, Tyr?" Jonathan asked. "The two of you danced around each other all throughout the shoot. No one missed the chemistry between the two of-"

"That was just… That was the characters," the actor said quickly to reassure himself. It was true, the man had become flustered whenever they'd been in the same room together during the making of Sunshine, but he'd always put that down to the characters. Still, now that he thought about it, there had been a lot of sexual tension between the two of them. But wasn't that just the two of them getting into their roles? Was there a way to find out without bringing the whole world to her doorstep? "I don't know what to do, man. Lorraine was… I always just assumed that it was my imagination, that feeling of completion whenever she was around. It couldn't be real, right? No one really feels like that around their soulmate."

Lila walked into the room just in time to hear that last question. She walked over behind her husband of twenty-one years and placed her hand on his shoulder. "You tell us, Tyr. How did you feel about the girl when the two of you were together? I will not allow my daughter to be played with by some two-bit player looking for a piece of fame from fucking an icon." Both men gaped at her openly. Lila was never one to stoop to foul language to get her point across. "I'm serious, Tyr. You weren't there the night she decided to end her life. I will never have her that downtrodden and wretched again, especially not because of some man!"

"I would never do that to her," Tyr protested. "She… Lorraine was my friend. She was such a bright spark on the set. At the very least, I want to know that she's doing well after all this time." The Esters looked at each other. It wasn't a declaration and Lila was loath to allow the girl's peace to be interrupted for less than a declaration of love.

"She is," Lila said in a deadpan voice. "She said as much in her interview with that Nostalgia fellow. The fact that she's doing so well is the reason she didn't want to do the interview in the first place."

"No, wait," the man responded desperately. Then all three paused at a new tone coming from the woman's phone. Lila dug her phone out of her pocket, sighing to see that it was the subject of their discussion. Because of course, it was! Raina's timing was almost comical at times.

"Hello, Babygirl."

"Hey Mama L! I was just sitting around, working out a hand cramp from crocheting too much today, and I thought I'd give a call and see how you and Papa Johnny were doing. Anything exciting happening?" Sensing an opportunity for the two young people, Lila smiled broadly.

"Actually, we have an unexpected guest tonight. Do you remember your co-star from Sunshine, Tyr Anasazi?" She looked over at Tyr, who had the look of a man that had just been kicked in the head by a small pony. He couldn't seem to make himself move to the phone to see her after all this time. Little Raina was fairing no better. She looked shell-shocked and she'd been utterly quiet since hearing his name, something that almost never happened with this girl. "Is everything okay, Babygirl?"

"Oh. Oh! Um… I'm fine," she stuttered, suddenly sounding much less sure of herself. "I should, um… I should go so that you can hang out with T-Tyr."

"Don't you want to talk to him?" Lila asked with a sly look at the man in question.

"Eep," she exclaimed, followed by the sound of the phone dropping. "Um… sorry about that. No, I… I should go. Bye." The sound of the video call disconnecting was heard immediately. This seemed to break the man of his paralysis. He crossed the room, barely restraining himself from snatching the phone from the woman.

"Bring her back."

"Why?" Lila smirked. Tyr looked at her in exasperation but at her even stare stopped to really contemplate his reaction to hearing her. His reaction every time he heard her. The girl hadn't bothered to scramble her voice during her interview with the Nostalgia Critic and hearing her talk after five years had sent the same zing through him from all those years ago. Yes, standing in the middle of his old director's living room demanding that his wife get his love back on the line just so that he could see her, it was clear that he had feelings for her. What if she didn't feel the same?

"Because I think I might be in love with her," Tyr stated boldly. Both of the Esters looked him over for a long time, making him uncomfortable.

"That's what I wanted to hear," the woman smiled at last. "Lorraine has become something like a daughter to me. I won't have you playing with her heart. And if you ever hurt her, leaving her broken like I found her that day she decided to end her life… I'll end yours." Both men gawked at her. "You two didn't see how mentally and emotionally destroyed she was in that moment. I barely talked her out of it that night. I will not have you put her through that kind of turmoil."

"I won't," he said after a beat to contemplate her. "I take very good care of what belongs to me." Lila giggled and tossed her unlocked phone at him. He nodded and pressed the button to connect him to his woman. The tone sounded over and over and he started to feel a little nervous when she didn't answer. The program he was using showed the video image of the person in front of the camera while connecting, so the girl knew that it was Tyr making the call. Then she answered and she just… stared at him, inflating his ego. He took the time to look his lady over after all this time. Her features were more tired and strained, but it didn't take away from her captivating personality. She looked as if she'd lost a great deal of weight since he'd last seen her, but she was still adorable to him.

"Hello, Sunshine," he said sweetly, a line from the movie they'd made together all those years ago and the reason for the title of the movie. He smiled broadly when she shivered, no doubt from the deep baritone of his voice.

"H-hi Tyr," she responded, seeming to be trying to pull herself together. "Um… how have you been? Are you working with Jonathan on a-"

"No." He just barely refrained from laughing at her adorably confused look.

"I don't understand."

"I didn't come to Jonathan about a role in a film. I came to him for a lead to find you." Raina gasped, ducking her head as she blushed.

"Oh…" She finally managed shyly, her hand creeping up behind her ear even though her hair was perfectly in place.

"Did you miss me?" he asked teasingly. By now, he had no doubt in his mind that she was in love with him, and had likely been in love with him all these years. Unlike him, she'd never hooked up with anyone or dated, officially or unofficially. Although he couldn't say if that were still true since they'd known each other.

"Y-yes," she whispered, barely looking at the screen. Tyr chuckled, wishing they were face to face instead of sharing screens for this conversation.

"Would you be opposed to seeing me again?" the man prodded flirtatiously.

The girl giggled, the hand in her hair shooting over to cover her mouth. "Um… no, Tyr."

Feeling every inch the virile male that he was, he put on a charming smile and sealed the deal. "I feel that I should get this program on my phone so that we can talk more privately. In the meantime, I'm about to ask 'Papa Johnny' where you've been hiding all these years. Are you opposed to that?"

Again, her hand covered her mouth as a giggle and grin spread across it - Lorraine had never been one to play it cool. "Uh-uh. I mean, no, I wouldn't be opposed… Tyr…" The two exchanged phone information before she signed off. The actor looked up and found himself feeling embarrassed when he looked into his old director's amused eyes. Preparing to swallow his pride, Tyr turned off the phone in his hand and handed it back to Lila.

"Thank you, Lila."

"I'll do anything to see my little one happy," the woman replied.

"Dinner is ready," the couple's housekeeper came into the living room and said, oblivious to the tension in the room. Tyr Anasazi ate with relish, wisely waiting until after the delicious meal to ask the question he'd come here to ask.

"Where is she, Jonathan?" The award-winning director looked him over one last time before turning to his wife.

"It was my Lila's idea. In the aftermath of her suicide attempt, it was clear that Philadelphia had become a toxic environment for our little girl. Never having been blessed with children of our own, we were both extremely protective of her. She was so broken, a hollow shell of the vivacious woman she'd been on set. She had nothing left in Philly; she'd given away most of her belongings when she'd been forced to move out of her apartment and everything left had been packed up by her in preparation for her death. It was therefore easy to move her to a then-new community on the southern end of Calgary, Alberta. The Canadian lifestyle really seemed to suit her and by the time we'd changed her identity and gotten her a permanent residency, she was more than willing to go. We've never gone there ourselves, refusing to draw attention to her, but from what she's said over the years in our bi-weekly check-ins, she is quite happy now." Jonathan watched the man calmly, wondering what Tyr would do with the information he'd just been given.

Tyr was shocked. Canada? All this time she'd been in the Texas of Canada? He didn't know much about the cold country to the North of America, but he was damn sure going to become an expert on it. All courtesy of his woman. Eager to get started, he stood up to take his leave.

"Thank you for trusting me with this information, Jonathan. I won't let the two of you down." He wasted no time after that, flying back to his spacious, rural Colorado estate that very night. He was asked to do another movie in New Zealand and happily accepted; it gave him something to do as he courted his lady over video chat.