His hand was in hers, warm, steady, and reassuring. When he smiled at her, it was as if her entire world was bathed in sunlight; she could have stood staring at that smile for hours on end. There was reassurance in his touch, comfort and safety and for the first time in years, her heart was at peace. Her sensations of guilt, her conviction that she had been to blame, the memories that had haunted her day and night were all calmed, all made manageable by the gift of his presence.

But then the light shifted, like clouds scudding over the sun and obscuring its rays. Suddenly, his hand began to slip from hers and she could feel the tension in her own fingers as she tried desperately to hang onto him. She opened her mouth to call his name but no sound came out and when she tried to look at him she could not see his face. Confusion and panic reigned. Why was he leaving her? What had happened? What had changed?

Brinna sat bolt upright on her bunk, her heart hammering. She raised a trembling hand to her forehead and pushed a sweat-dampened lock of hair out of her eyes. It felt as though she had just emerged from a cold bath, so coated in clammy sweat was she. Her breath came in gulps and she stared blankly ahead of her, trying to remember what it was that had so disturbed her but the harder she tried to hang onto it, the more swiftly the threads of her dream slipped away. It had been about Carth, that much she could remember. But what had caused the dread to settle in her stomach like a lead weight? That she could not remember

She felt a whisper of something brushing against her mind and she blinked, the room suddenly coming into focus. Juhani and Jolee had sensed her disquiet and were reaching out to her via the Force but their efforts were nothing compared to Bastila's.

Stay where you are, Brinna told Bastila via the bond. I'm fine. It was just a nightmare. She wondered if Bastila had seen her dream and found that the thought of it caused a slightly queasy feeling in her stomach. It was bad enough that Bastila could sometimes probe her conscious mind but her subconscious?

Very well, Bastila responded. Brinna could sense her iciness and knew that she had offended the other Jedi by rejecting her. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt at this. After all, Bastila was only trying to help her but, truth be told, Brinna was finding that she was growing rather tired of others trying to help her. No matter how well-intentioned her Jedi brethren were, their attentions were wearing on her. Her every movement in the close quarters of the ship and the necessity of maintaining such close contact with her comrades during the mission already left Brinna feeling exposed. She was used to operating on her own, to being responsible for only herself and it was taxing to feel as though her every move was being scrutinized.

Thus, to feel as though even her mind was no refuge was almost more than she could bear. The bond with Bastila was particularly irksome as Brinna felt certain that Bastila had been privy to things Brinna would have preferred her not to know.

Like my dream…

And yet she couldn't quite put her finger on why she didn't want Bastila to know about her nightmare. It had left her shaky and feeling oddly shamed. She shook her head gently in an attempt to clear it but the uneasiness provoked by the dream lingered and she dressed as quickly as possible, hoping to distract herself with the day's tasks, hoping that the sick feeling of dread in her stomach would be forgotten, driven away by industry.

To this end, she headed immediately for the equipment bay. She had been worried about Canderous ever since their encounter with Jagi and she had not had a chance to question him, to see how he was bearing it. Just as she'd suspected, she found him within, standing at the workbench and tinkering with a blaster. Though he appeared to be concentrating on his task, Brinna did not miss the far-off expression in his eyes.

"Yeah? What do you want?" he asked abrasively when she came to stand next to him, making no attempt to hide her blatant stare.

"What are your thoughts now?" she asked him, not even bothering to blink at his tone.

He let out a long breath and his hands stilled. His shoulders were so tense that they looked as though they might snap. Abandoning his blaster altogether, he stared up at the ship's wall, his expression retreating even further inward.

"This thing with Jagi…I…I don't know. Give me some time and I'll be able to sort this out on my own," he said. She wanted to say more to him but she knew by his tone, by his posture, that it would avail her nothing and so she held her tongue. "Is there something else you wanted?"

"Nothing more for now," Brinna told him quietly. She continued to stare at him, forcing him to meet her gaze eventually. The look in his eyes startled her for she could clearly see his conflict. It was a shock. From the first moment she had met him, he had seemed so cocky and so self-assured. He had been cold and pitiless and to see that he now felt regret, that he was questioning himself, struck Brinna very forcefully. Once again, she realized that she had not done him justice. He had depths she hadn't even begun to fathom.

Canderous finally broke eye contact with her. He moved away from the bench and began to tinker with one of the swoop bikes, his back turned toward her. She stared at the broad planes of his back for a long moment before she finally turned and left the bay. When and if Canderous was ever ready, he would seek her counsel. Trying to force it upon him would be useless, she knew.

Bastila was right where Brinna had known she would be. As Brinna entered the cargo bay, she saw Bastila swiftly slip something into her belt pack but she was unable to conceal it entirely from Brinna. It had been the holocron and Brinna felt a suddenly wave of sympathy colored by guilt.

"I'd like to talk about what you said before. About giving in to your emotions," Brinna said. She didn't miss the look of surprise on Bastila's face. Truthfully, Brinna was a bit surprised herself. She hadn't really intended to have this conversation with Bastila but the aftereffects of the nightmare combined with her worry over Canderous had left her feeling rather raw. When she had begun this mission, she had wanted to prove herself to the Jedi Council but the more time passed the more she doubted herself, the more she doubted that she could ever hope to become anything bearing even the most remote resemblance to a good Jedi.

"Yes, I did end that quite abruptly, didn't I?" Bastila mused. Brinna sensed a brief inner struggle taking place in Bastila. "Perhaps a Master could have addressed my questions with the proper wisdom. But I never should have brought it up here. Not with you.

"Part of my purpose on this mission was to guide you in the way of the light; to help you avoid the temptations of the dark side. But I fear I've failed in that task. I don't think I'm the proper Jedi to guide you. I am no Master. You should have remained with the Council."

Suddenly, Brinna saw Bastila as the conflicted teenager that the young woman actually was. Bastila was so good at putting up a front of haughtiness, of worldliness but now Brinna could sense the other Jedi's uncertainty, her immaturity, her lack of experience.

"Why do you say that?" Brinna asked, surprised. For as often as Bastila had lectured, Brinna had always thought that the other Jedi felt certain that her decision to bring Brinna on the mission had been a good one. Deep down, she had to admit that it stung to hear Bastila say such a thing. Her pride flared for a moment and it was on the tip of her tongue to scathingly tell Bastila that she would not have made it very far without her help but she bit the remark back just in time.

What's the matter with me?

"The fact of the matter is that I have never possessed much skill at controlling myself," Bastila said, her frankness catching Brinna off guard. "With the bond that joins us, I seem to have even less. You have maintained the path of the light side. But it has been in spite of my influence, not because of it. It is increasingly obvious that I am unable to guide you properly."
Dumbfounded, Brinna gaped at Bastila. "So what now?"

"I don't know," Bastila said, her voice sounding deeply weary. "I think…I think I may have made a very big mistake. I simply hope you are not the one who pays the price, ultimately, for the fact that I can't help you enough."

She's as lost as I am, Brinna thought, her emotions bordering on awe.

"Maybe we could help each other?" she suggested.

A ghost of a smile flashed across Bastila's face. "That's a kinder response than I deserve. And I can see there is wisdom in your words. Perhaps you can help me. And I will try to help you, if I can. Hopefully this will all work out, for the both of us. And for the mission."

Brinna wanted to say something more but Carth entered the bay and the moment was lost.

"Mission's getting a little anxious," he told Brinna.

Reluctantly, Brinna pulled her gaze away from the other Jedi and gently closed the connection to their bond. "Let's go, then. I don't want to make her wait any longer."

She, Carth, and Mission set out for the Czerka office. The Twi'lek teen was silent and Brinna could tell by the look on her face that Mission was steeling herself for disappointment. Brinna glanced over at Carth and saw that he was watching Mission. Worry created a line between his eyebrows and Brinna felt a sudden urge to run a finger over it, to smooth it away. She wished more than anything that she could protect both Mission and Carth from the pain they were feeling, wished that she had the power to reconcile Dustil with his father and to straighten Griff out for good.

Power…a distant voice whispered and, for a moment, she was back on Korriban. The icy dread she had felt there permeated her being once again, knifing through her stomach like a blade. You need only claim it…

She heard the screams of the captured pilots as the Sith students had tortured them in the training room. She remembered the cold look in Uthar's eyes as he had told her to kill Yuthura. Her head resounded with the sound of Yuthura's defeated voice telling Brinna that she was at her mercy. For a moment she wondered what would have happened if she had seized that instant, if she had struck Yuthura down and claimed leadership of the Academy. She could have taken on her own apprentice, could have shown the galaxy what it meant to fear her very name…

No! the thought was like a shove and it knocked all of the wind out of Brinna's lungs. She gasped as she felt that voice grapple with the one that had whispered to her of power. Don't let it own you. Own it! Don't give in to a weakness that parades itself as strength!

"Are you all right?" a voice asked, interrupting her thoughts. Acting on involuntary impulse, she turned to see Carth and Mission staring at her, their faces pale.

"F-fine," Brinna stuttered, unable to keep the waver from her voice.

"For a minute you looked…" Carth said.

"I'm fine," Brinna interrupted, speaking more loudly, speaking quickly so to drown out whatever it was Carth might have intended to say. "I just had a nightmare last night and it's left me sort of shaky."

Mission studied her for a moment longer before nodding and then turning to look back at Anchorhead. Brinna felt a flood of relief that Mission was too distracted to press the matter further and then immediately felt a flood of guilt for having had such a thought.

Carth, however, was not so easily swayed. His concern was obvious as he continued to study her. "You seem to have a lot of nightmares," he said quietly and she knew he was thinking about the very first one he'd witnessed, when they'd been on Taris and he'd cared for her during her convalescence.

"Can you protect me from them as well?" she asked, the words escaping her mouth before she could really think them through. She hadn't asked the question to mock him. Rather, she had asked it just as a child asked a parent to protect him from nameless fears. She felt like a child, wishing fervently that he could banish the bad dreams, that he could protect her from the monsters in the night.

He looked stricken and her heart ached. "If I could, I would," he told her gravely.

She reached for him, caught his cheek in her hand. "I know, Carth, I know."

His hand came up to cover hers briefly and the warmth of it combined with the fearful look in his eyes was more than she could bear. She could feel tears dampening her own eyes as she tore her gaze away from him and let her hand fall from his face. For a brief second, his hand held hers firmly against his cheek but then he let it go and it fell uselessly to her side. There was only one other occasion in her life when she had felt so helpless.

Her mood did not improve when they entered the Czerka shop and learned that Griff had failed to brew the Tarisian ale properly. There was now a price on his head courtesy of the Exchange and he had fled the planet immediately.

Mission's reaction was philosophical as usual and Brinna was once again overtaken by a wave of sorrow at witnessing a little girl who had grown up far too fast. Still, Mission seemed to have made her peace with Griff and Brinna was glad of that. Painful as it was for Mission's illusions about Griff to have been dispelled, it would serve her better in the end as she would never again be as disappointed in him as she had been upon learning that he had chosen to leave his sister behind on Taris.

Griff's departure had left them with no reason to linger and so they didn't. Soon after Mission, Carth, and Brinna boarded the Ebon Hawk, they set off for Manaan. The mood on the ship was somber as they left Tatooine behind them. Everyone had plenty about which to think and over which to brood. Brinna's spirits were greatly depressed and that was doing nothing to help strengthen her for her battle against the dark side. It would be so easy to just give in, so easy to just succumb to her baser urges, to seize the power that was promised to her…

But she would not do it. Deep inside there was something that rejected the dark side in whole, something that told her it deceived her. It wore a beautiful face that concealed a rotten soul and she would not let it dupe her. Small though this voice was at times, it was very certain and Brinna wondered from where that certainty stemmed, that firm conviction that the dark side was not all it purported to be. Oh, she had seen enough to show her the depravity of the Sith, to turn her stomach, but this voice seemed to have a deeper knowledge that she could not grasp and it bothered her.

"Where are you?" Carth asked softly. He reached out to her with his right hand, clasping her left warmly. They had drawn first duty and Carth had not hesitated to put Tatooine behind them.

"I'm here with you," she told him, her voice trembling slightly. She could see that her weak attempt had not convinced him of the lie.

"Stay here…stay with me," he told her, tightening his grip upon her hand.

A sudden warmth filled her and she looked at him with grateful eyes. His face was serious, his eyes seeming to draw her in as he studied her. He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb for a brief moment and then he stood but he didn't relinquish her hand.

"I want to show you something," he said.

She stood, her eyes never leaving his face, and stepped around the console that separated them. He drew her close to him, so that they stood facing one another. As always, the proximity of his body to hers set her heart to hammering and she hoped her face wasn't flushed, though she was certain it was.

"Do you see this?" he asked, indicating a small scar beneath his left eye with his free hand.

"Yes. How did you get it?" she asked him.

"When I was seven, Morgana and I were out with some of our friends. We had gone to a house that was rumored to be haunted by the restless spirit of a murdered woman. If you stood outside and chanted 'tragic Trinna' five times, she was supposed to appear."

Brinna arched a brow at him and he chuckled. "Hey, I never claimed to have been smart. And don't try to act like you never believed wild tales like that when you were a kid."

"No, not me," she said airily, trying desperately to conceal the smile that had begun to spread over her face. "I was far too smart for that sort of stupidity."

"Right," he said, making a face at her. "Anyway, they all dared me to go up to the house and chant. I made it to the fourth 'tragic Trinna' before a branch snapped and I got spooked. I don't think I'd ever run that fast before; I cleared the ground in about three seconds flat and attempted to launch myself over a low wall that surrounded the place. My foot caught on it and I fell, cutting myself. Morgana always said I was too nosy for my own good."

Brinna couldn't help but smile, both at the picture of a young Carth engaged in such foolish antics, and at his rather clumsy way of attempting to apologize for his behavior towards her. "You're not being nosy," she told him.

"Promise?" he asked, gently running the back of his left forefinger over her right cheek.

"I promise," she said, rather breathlessly. "Morgana…was she your wife?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice low. Pain clouded his eyes for a moment. "We grew up together."

"You didn't fail her and you didn't fail Dustil, Carth," she said, reaching up to cover his free hand with hers. It had gone still on her cheek and she regretted her question not because she hadn't wanted to know but because it had caused Carth pain.

"When you say that, I almost believe it," he told her, his voice sounding somewhat wistful.

"I would never lie to you just to attempt to ease your conscience."

"I know. I know you wouldn't and I…" his voice trailed off and his eyes flickered and she knew he had been about to say something very important. She heard him draw in a quick breath.

"You what?" she asked him.

"I have a confession to make," he told her. She knew it wasn't what he'd originally intended to say but he had stepped a bit closer to her and lowered his head a bit so that he was so close their lips were little more than centimeters apart.

"Oh?" she asked, her heart hammering so wildly in her chest that she couldn't think coherently.

"I've been a little jealous."

"Jealous?" she asked. She was so surprised he could have knocked her over with a feather and she could see that he knew it. He smiled but reddened at the same time and she found him more endearing than ever.

"Yeah, jealous. I thought maybe you and Canderous…"

He was interrupted by the shout of laughter she let out. The idea was so outrageous that she couldn't control herself and he looked rather chagrined, leaving her to feel contrite. "Mandalorians aren't really my style," she told him, her voice soft.

"Oh?" he asked. She knew he was trying to sound casual but he was failing miserably. "What is your style?"

"Well," she breathed, "I have always been rather fond of Republic star pilots."

His eyes flashed and she found both of her hands caught in his. He held them to his chest, over his heart, and she could feel that it was thundering every bit as rapidly as hers. Her breath was coming in little gasps and her eyes fell closed as his face approached hers, as his lips touched hers…

"Brinna!" a sharp, cold voice said, ruining the moment.

She and Carth jumped apart and he dropped her hands. They turned simultaneously to see Bastila glaring at them both with a wrathful expression. However, the bulk of her anger seemed directed toward Brinna and Bastila rounded on her.

"Have you not listened to a word I've said? What do you think you are playing at here?"

"Playing at?" Brinna asked, her own voice rising angrily. "I'm not 'playing' at anything."

"You know that a Jedi cannot form attachments. You know it violates the Code, that it flies in the face of everything for which the Jedi stand, that it goes against everything in which we believe."

"Don't lecture me about the Code, Bastila," Brinna said coldly. "This is none of your business."

"None of my business?" Bastila repeated, her nostrils flaring in indignation. "It is none of my business that you have chosen this path toward indiscretion?"

"Don't you dare ever use a word like that again," Brinna said, her fury nearly blinding her. "Don't you dare make it sound cheap like that!"

"What could possibly come of this?" Bastila snapped.

"You're out of line, Bastila," Carth interjected and Brinna could hear that he was every bit as angry as she was.

"No, Carth, you are out of line. Brinna is a Jedi and you know…"

"I don't care. Jedi or no, it doesn't change how I feel about her," he said in a tightly controlled voice.

Both Brinna and Bastila stared at him at these words. His face grew red but Brinna knew it was from anger, not embarrassment. "Brinna is a grown woman, an incredible, intelligent, and caring grown woman who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. I don't think the Jedi appreciate just how incredible she is but I do."

His words penetrated the fog of Brinna's anger and left her feeling weak. The expression on his face told her how dead serious he was and her heart responded, longing for him. She turned to Bastila and was on the verge of telling the other Jedi in no uncertain terms just how she felt about Carth when the ship suddenly rocked, nearly throwing them all off their feet.

"What was that?" Bastila asked, immediately throwing herself into the co-pilot seat.

"Sith Interdictor ship. We're caught in its tractor beam," Carth said. He had taken the pilot's seat and Brinna stood behind him, holding onto the chair.

"Do you recognize the ship?" Bastila asked.

"It's the Leviathan. Saul Karath's vessel. My old mentor," Carth said, his voice growing disturbingly calm. Brinna looked down at him and saw that he was sitting back in his seat, his arms folded over his chest. She felt a flash of fear for him that was so powerful it made her sick.

"Carth…" she began.

"We need a plan and we need one fast," he said and she knew he hadn't heard her, which only worried her more. "Come on, we need to discuss this with the rest of the crew."

The three of them moved at once toward the corridor. They found the rest of the crew gathered in the common room and everyone looked at the three of them expectantly, though Brinna was certain Jolee and Juhani already knew what had happened. She had been dimly aware of their Force presence.

Carth told the others what was going on and then added, "When the Sith attacked my home world, the Leviathan—which is Saul Karath's flagship—was at the head of the fleet. My family was destroyed that day and my wife died in the Sith bombardment."

Brinna once again felt a nauseating wave of fear. "Don't do anything you'll regret, Carth," she pleaded and she could clearly hear the desperation in her own voice.

"I'm not going to do anything stupid. I won't throw our lives away on some mad quest for vengeance. But no one had better get in my way if I get a shot at Saul."

Her blood felt like ice water in her veins but there was no time for Brinna to address his comment directly. She would simply see to it that she didn't leave his side for a single second. For as much as he was determined to protect her, she would lay down her own life to ensure that he did not do something that would leave him scarred forever, something that might very well get him killed.

Brinna pointed out that Saul would be keeping a close eye on her, Carth, and Bastila and Carth prompted her to quickly choose one of the others to effect a rescue. With both her heart and mind racing, Brinna quickly mulled over the possibilities before choosing Jolee.

"They'll probably only leave a single guard to watch over an old man like me. I could use the Force to convince the guard to set me free, then I could free the rest of you," Jolee said.

"Okay, Jolee, the fate of the crew is in your hands," Brinna said grimly. Through the Force, she could sense his sarcastic response to her words but she had little time to worry about it.

There was a loud bang and a jolt as the Ebon Hawk was finally pulled into one of the Leviathan's bays. Carth's chest was heaving and his eyes were narrowed in concentration as they heard their loading ramp being lowered and the ominous sound of footsteps walking up it that followed.

Her heart in her throat, Brinna reached for and seized Carth's hand, holding onto it for dear life.

I will stay here, stay with you forever, she thought as they were suddenly overwhelmed by the Sith.