Ch 17: Explanations

Kirk and Spock put their uniforms back on after taking a quick shower to clean themselves of the sweat, smell, and spent fluids from their recent activities. Fortunately no one else came into the house while they made their swift retreat to the restroom with uniforms balled up in their arms. The good news was that the combination of Prime's antidote and Kirk taking the lead with their sexual encounter was enough to release Spock from the grips of his pon farr. The bad news was that for whatever reason Sarek had decided to just walk into Prime's house without knocking and saw his son being screwed by the captain of his ship. If the moral implications of it weren't worrisome, the repercussions they'd suffer should Starfleet find out were.

"I must go to Father and explain the matter to him in whole," Spock said, pulling his shirt over his head and rushing out of the bathroom. "If he knows that my pon farr was prematurely triggered, it may serve as a viable excuse for our actions."

"Oh yeah, I can see that conversation going well," Kirk said as he followed Spock out of the bathroom. "'Sorry Father, the reason my captain was fucking me in the ass was because I caught Cat Scratch Fever during our shore leave and went into full blown horn ball mode. Didn't mean for you to walk in on us, but hey, you know how it is when you're caught up in the moment with your life mate!'"

Spock stopped and looked down at the floor. In a small voice, he said, "He…he does not know about us…"

Kirk looked at the back of Spock's head with his jaw dropped. "I don't think I heard you correctly," he said in a dangerously slow and angry tone. "Tell me you did not just say that your father doesn't know that you and I are engaged…"

The Vulcan turned slowly and gave Kirk a sad look. "I wish that I could Jim, but I do not wish to lie to you…"

Kirk grabbed Spock by the shoulders and shot daggers at him from his frigid blue eyes. "You mean to tell me that in the year we've been together, it never occurred to you to inform your father about it?!? Isn't that why he took the risk of having you falsify a life bond with T'Maire?!? Wouldn't you owe it to him to let him know?!?"

Spock couldn't bear to look Kirk in the eye. His gaze remained fixed on the floor as he murmured, "I did not tell him because he would not approve. He does not even know that we love each other…"

It took everything Kirk had to keep himself from hauling off and punching Spock in the face. He removed a hand from Spock's arm and pointed at him. "After we've cleared this up with Sarek, you and I are having a serious talk about this…"

The front door opened behind them. Prime and McCoy walked in and saw them standing. "Ah," McCoy said, "I assume that you have 'handled' Spock's pon farr problem?"

Kirk shot an angry glare at Spock before explaining what had just happened regarding Sarek. Both Prime and McCoy paled and stared at the two with wide eyes. "You're kidding…" McCoy breathed. "He seriously walked in while you two were…"

"Yes," Kirk said. "And to top it aaaaall off, Sarek doesn't even know that Spock and I are together, let alone engaged."

McCoy stared in angry shock at Spock, but Prime showed no surprise at the news. "It is true," he said with a sad tone. "Sarek was never informed about the bond that you two share in any way, shape, or form. I assume that when you two attempt to tell him now, the outcome will not be good."

"Wait," Kirk said, turning to Prime. "You mean you knew that Sarek had no idea we were a couple and yet you just let us come into your home to handle the whole pon farr thing, knowing that at any time he'd just waltz in without warning?!?"

"Why the hell didn't he knock anyway?" McCoy asked. "Don't you Vulcans know a thing about courtesy? Or is that not a part of your whole belief in logic?"

Cutting a sharp eye at McCoy, Prime explained, "Vulcans do not believe in the same courtesy of knocking amongst family members. I informed Sarek that I am indeed his son from an alternate universe and thus he could treat me like a normal family member. He was granted full permission to come and visit me whenever he wished so long as he only did so when I would be awake and at home. It is regretful that he chose the moment that Kirk and Spock were being intimate to visit me, but there is no undoing it now.

"To answer your question about Sarek knowing about your relationship with Spock, Jim, the reasoning behind it should meet your approval. As you know Vulcans were savage before we embraced the teachings of Surak. We were violent, we were lustful, and we were promiscuous. There were no set life mates as we have now; we simply mated with whoever we desired whenever we desired. Surak's teachings renounced homosexuality for that reason; in an effort to embrace a civilized life, the desire to mate without the ability to bear children was foregone. To prevent us from falling back on our baser instincts, we arranged marriages for our young and forced them to forge life bonds with their chosen mates. That is why we go through pon farr; at a certain point our baser instincts can no longer be ignored, and to both sate them and keep them at bay, only mating with our life mate will cure the blood fever.

"Homosexuality for Vulcans is not something one is born with as it is with most humans; it is entirely a decisive choice. Even though those who choose a mate of the same gender tend to do so for logical reasons, their choice still reflects poorly on them in the eyes of their Vulcan peers. Homosexuality is seen as a form of weakness, for those who choose that path are one step closer to savagery. It is for this very reason that those like T'Maire who embrace their emotions rather than bottling them up and controlling them, are shunned.

"In my universe, I also hid my relationship with Jim away from my father. It wasn't until he mind melded with Jim that he found out. After I came back to life with the assistance of Genesis, he and I sat down and discussed things. Though he did not agree with my love for another male, he could not deny that Jim and I were meant to be together and from then on supported our relationship, not as one between two men, but as one between two kindred spirits. It was our hope that in this universe Sarek may be able to do the same, but we both decided it was best to hold back on informing him until the time was right."

"So you're basically saying that you both kept the truth from Sarek because whether he truly chooses to be or not, he's a homophobe like the rest of the Vulcan race," Kirk surmised.

"To be blunt and utilize Earth slang, yes," Prime answered, pursing his lips.

"I did not want my father's disagreement with our relationship to cause problems between us," Spock added, still looking down at the ground.

"And you didn't think that hiding that from me would cause any problems?" Kirk spat, causing Spock's ears to tinge green in embarrassment. "You know, I don't even really think my problem is that you didn't tell your father about us; I think my problem is you felt it was important enough to tell Prime about it but didn't feel it was important enough to mention to me so that at least I was aware of it. I could understand not saying anything before we were engaged, but the moment you pledged to spend the rest of your life with me you should have told me then and there about not telling your father about us. We could have worked something out, found a way to tell him when the time was right or figure out how to soften the blow, but instead you hid it both from me and Sarek and put us in our current predicament. Yeah, great plan, Spock. Now you have a mentally scarred father and a pissed off fiancé."

Kirk stomped toward the door and walked out after McCoy and Prime moved out of his way. The door slammed shut behind him, the sound rattling the walls and echoing through the empty rooms. McCoy turned to look at both Spock and Prime and gave them both a disappointed look. "You would think as much as you pointy-eared bastards preach about logic, you'd think you would've figured out that hiding things from the ones you love is a dumb idea."

McCoy turned to the door and let himself out as well, closing the door quietly behind him instead of slamming it as Kirk had. The two Spocks were left alone with each other to contemplate their mutually poor decision.

Kirk stormed into his bedroom with McCoy close at his heels. "Jim, will you calm down?" he said, finally catching up with him.

"I can't fucking believe this bullshit," Kirk shouted. "A year and a half! A year and a fucking half and his dad finds out about us like this, all because Spock wanted to save face? What the fuck?!?"

"Jim, just because your mom was all smiles and happy when you told her about Spock doesn't mean the rest of the universe is going to feel the same way!" McCoy countered. "I don't like siding with the damned fool on this, but I can't say in good conscience that he was entirely wrong for keeping his relationship a secret from his father."

Kirk whirled around and stared at McCoy as if he had grown a second head and an arm from his chest. "Are you fucking serious?!? How the hell do you justify keeping something as important as the man you're in love with and planning to marry from your family?!?"

"Maybe if you got your head out of your ass for one second and thought about Spock's position instead of your own hurt feelings you would see why!" Kirk's lips pursed at McCoy's words, but he remained silent to give the doctor a chance to speak his mind. He did after all have somewhat of a background in psychology and tended to think rationally about things such as this.

"Spock is already in a sticky situation with his father; he turned his back on his race in their greatest time of need to remain in Starfleet because he felt he was of greater use there than on the colony. Sarek took his decision hard and for a while they didn't talk. In fact, the last time they talked was when you both became engaged. They still haven't patched things up yet, so telling his father that he's gay wouldn't exactly help their relationship."

Kirk stared at McCoy in awe. "How did you find all that out?"

"Through Prime," McCoy answered with a smirk. "It seems that the older Vulcans get, the chattier they get. We had a nice long talk after you two vanished. Seems Prime, or Surok as he goes by, informed Sarek about his true identity. They've talked quite a bit about things, especially Spock. However, Sarek has no clue about the relationship he shared with your other self."

"Well that's just lovely," Kirk spat. "I assume they were both waiting for some cataclysmic event to occur before they told him?"

"Doubtful, but you got to admit, as angry as it makes you, it's a touchy subject. Hell, you didn't even want to come right out and tell you mom that you were in love with another man! If it weren't for the fact that she picked up on it based on what you told her, she wouldn't have found out for a while either! Admit it Jim, you were just as scared to tell her as Spock was with his father!"

"That's different!" Kirk shouted, making McCoy jump. "When she found out I was in love with another man, I was still conflicted about the whole thing myself. Once our relationship finally started taking form I went to her and talked to her about it in full. It was only then that she knew everything!"

"Yes Jim, but you're a human! Humans are ten times more accepting of homosexuality than Vulcans are!"

"Spock is half-human! His father married a human despite how much his race despised his decision, but he didn't care because he was in love! How can he do something like that and then look down on Spock for being gay?!?"

"I don't know!" McCoy yelled. It was Kirk's turn to jump this time. "Dammit Jim I'm a doctor, not a mind-reader! I don't know what's going on through Sarek's head, nor do I want to know! But the fact of the matter is Spock hesitated to tell his father the truth and now he's suffering the consequences! He's got more than enough on his plate without you adding to his troubles!"

"Since when do you defend Spock? I thought you hated him for stealing me away from you!"

McCoy slapped Kirk across the face. Kirk's head remained turned, frozen in shock from the abrupt violence from his best friend. He clenched his jaw tightly as he kept himself from crying in anger and frustration.

The enraged doctor seethed, "Don't you dare pull that card on me James." Kirk winced at the sound of his full first name. McCoy hardly used it, but whenever he did, Kirk knew he had crossed the line. McCoy pointed a finger at Kirk and said, "If that's the attitude you want to have about this whole debacle, then fine. But I don't want to see you in my office bitching about it later. Handle your own shit."

He turned toward the door and was about to leave when Kirk reached forward and grabbed him by the shoulder. The hand that held him shook as Kirk began to cry. "Leonard…" Kirk croaked, using McCoy's first name to show how serious he was. "I'm sorry. I'm just…I'm just really upset right now…"

Sighing, McCoy turned around and pulled his best friend into his arms, patting his back as he cried into his shoulder. Kirk blubbered against the fabric of McCoy's shirt, "I feel like he's ashamed to love me…"

"He's not," McCoy said, shushing him. "His love for you is what drives his desire to stay in Starfleet. He wants to be by your side always. You can't tell me you don't know that when everyone else can see it as plain as day. He's just having a harder time telling his father than you did with your mother, that's all. This will all get cleared up soon, just wait and see."

All Kirk could utter as a response was a loud sob. McCoy wasn't too keen on the wet spot that steadily spread on his shoulder, but he knew soggy shirts were part of the job description as best friend.

Prime and Spock stood outside of Sarek's home, neither having the courage to enter. It was amusing that confronting his father about his relationship with Kirk was more frightening to him than hurtling towards the Narada on a crash course that would've ensured certain death had he not been teleported in time. Or at least it would have been amusing if he so wracked with fear that he visibly shook in place.

Prime saw his younger self shaking and placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him. In a soft voice, he said, "Do not fear Spock. I will go ahead and soften the blow for you. If our father hears that you were under the influence of pon farr before you explain your relationship with Jim, your talk with him will be much easier."

Not trusting his mouth at the moment, Spock simply nodded and watched as the elderly Vulcan walked forward and entered Sarek's house. Despite the setting sun, the room was brightly lit by many small candles scattered throughout the room. When he looked for Sarek though, he was nowhere to be found. Prime knew that the sandalwood scented candles were a sign that Sarek was meditating in his bedroom. Sandalwood was Amanda's favorite scent even in this universe, and filling his home with the smell that reminded him most of his late wife was the easiest way to sooth his tormented soul.

Sarek was sitting in the center of his room, completely still and deathly silent. Though Prime made not a single sound when he entered, Sarek sensed his presence. Eyes still closed he said, "It is unlike you to disturb me during my meditations. What brings you to my home Surok?"

"I beg your forgiveness for coming to see you now of all times, but I have a matter of the utmost importance to speak with you about. It involves Spock."

Sarek's eyes slowly opened and focused on Prime. "I do not wish to hear about Spock at this time. Perhaps the matter can wait until another time?"

"It cannot. The matter in which I need to speak to you about is in regards to his earlier behavior."

"So then you know of the vile act I was most unfortunate to have witnessed," Sarek said with venomous serenity.

"Indeed I do," Prime said. "For what it is worth, Spock was under the influence of pon farr. Injuries he sustained during his shore leave prematurely triggered it and left him swallowed in its throes. Were it not for The Enterprise's journey here and my assistance with an antidote to counteract the compound in his blood that hindered the pon farr's resolution, he would have died within a day's time."

"That explains his presence here on Vulcan; however it does not explain why he was fornicating with his captain in your living room!"

Prime could tell that he was treading in very dangerous waters, but the venture needed to be made. "When Spock reawakened after the antidote was administered, he carried Captain Kirk from the medical facility to my home, since that was the only place he was familiar with in the colony. As for why they did not move their activities to the bedroom, I have no explanation."

"That still does not explain why Captain Kirk was thrusting into him when I arrived!" Sarek's eyes flashed in an anger that threatened to roar out of control. He clenched his jaw and attempted to breathe the scent of sandalwood in deeply to calm himself.

This was it. Prime had to say this now to carry the burden for Spock. "It is because it was the only way to break the pon farr," Prime said, each word hurting him as it left his mouth. "Captain Kirk is Spock's life mate."

"LIFE MATE?!?" Sarek yelled, standing on his feet. "Captain Kirk is Spock's LIFE MATE?!?"

Prime closed his eyes and said, "That is correct."

"How did this happen? WHEN did this happen?!? Why is my son engaged to the likes of him?!?"

"Because I love him."

Both Sarek's and Prime's eyes were aimed at the voice that came from the door. There stood Spock, green faced with fists clenched tightly. Though he didn't shake on the outside, on the inside he was quivering like a leaf. The look of rage on his father's face was far more intense than the one he had seen during their last transmission, and he had to swallow the urge to run screaming out of the house.

"I gave you the freedom to choose your own mate at the risk of my position on the High Council, and this is how you repay me?" Sarek hissed.

"I took full advantage of the freedom you allowed me to have and picked the one person in the universe that I could not live without," Spock said, slowly gaining confidence as he spoke. He stepped further into the room and stood tall before his father. "If you wish to chastise me for choosing a male mate, you can, but I used the same judgment choosing James T. Kirk as my mate as you did with mother."

"Do not compare our situations! They are completely different!"

"Why? Because he is male?"

"Because he is your captain!"

The words served as a verbal slap to Spock's face. Sarek saw how Spock reacted to his words and decided to run with it. "You may think that by choosing a male human mate you are paying homage to my choosing your mother, but the one important difference between the two is that you are both Starfleet officers on the same ship! Whether I approve of it or not, surely Starfleet will be extremely displeased to hear that their two best officers are fraternizing with each other! You are putting not only your career and reputation in jeopardy, but his as well!"

Spock found himself at a loss for words; his father had hit the one weak spot in his argument and the one fear that plagued him from the moment he and Kirk began dating. The one thing that meant more to him wasn't his own career, but Kirk's. In the months they had been together, he came to terms with the fact that his place was at Kirk's side, supporting him in any and every way possible, both romantically and professionally. He would never forgive himself if Kirk lost the captain's seat he had earned and fought constantly to prove he was worth it.

Sarek noted the weakness in Spock's resolve and continued, "You know as well as I do that despite how well he's done since the Nero incident, Starfleet has been looking for any reason at all to get him out of that captain's seat. They think he is too young, too immature to be held responsible for the lives of his crew and the reputation of the Federation! Finding out about your relationship would be the end of his career, not just as a captain, but as a Starfleet officer all together! And I do not think you need me to inform you as to what that would mean for you as well…"

"Then what would you have me do?!?" Spock shot back, the anger beginning to rise in him as well. "Surely you do not expect me to simply give up the man I love to preserve our careers in Starfleet! I would sooner die a thousand deaths than live a lie the rest of my life!"

"No," Sarek said, his expression stone cold. "I expect you to leave Starfleet."

Both Spock and Prime both looked at Sarek as though he had lost his mind. Prime was the first to speak up, "Sarek, you cannot possibly mean…"

"I do believe you have already spoken your peace, Surok," Sarek spat, eyes still focused on Spock. "You will leave my residence at once, and do not enter it again without knocking."

Hurt flashed briefly in Prime's eyes before he smothered it in the typical Vulcan way of hiding their emotions behind a stoic mask. "Very well," he said. "It shall be as you wish."

Prime turned around and left the two alone to discuss things. Spock walked closer to his father and through narrowed eyes stared at him. The fear he had felt when he initially began talking to him was gone, replaced by a rage that he wasn't sure he wanted to hold in.

"You seriously expect me to leave Starfleet just because you do not want me to be engaged to my superior officer?"

"No," Sarek said, returning the deadly gaze his son shot at him. "I expect you to leave Starfleet to assist with the colony. Your engagement to Captain James T. Kirk was not officially recognized by the Vulcan High Council, so as far as I am concerned, it does not exist."

"Father!"

"Or would you rather I go straight to Earth this very instant and tell Starfleet that the Enterprise is in need of both a new commander and a new captain?"

Spock fell silent, but his fists were clenched so tightly he could feel the skin of his palms break where his fingernails dug in.

"I will allow your engagement to Captain Kirk, Spock," Sarek said, earning a skeptical raised eyebrow from his son, "but the price for your secrecy after all I risked for you is for you to be apart from him. I ask for six months here on the colony aiding our scientists with their research and our professors with educating the young ones. During those six months, you will tell me everything that transpired between you and Captain Kirk that resulted in your engagement.

"These six months will serve as a test of your relationship. After those six months are over, if I am not satisfied with your reasoning for choosing him as a life mate or if your resolve has faded in any way, I will force you two to nullify your bond and have you stationed on separate ships. Then you will form a true life bond with T'Maire and marry her. Only then will I permit you to return to and remain in Starfleet."

"And if my reasons are satisfactory?" Spock said through clenched teeth.

"Then things will be as they were before. You will return to the Enterprise as its commander and you will remain engaged to Captain Kirk…but only after you explain your actions to the Vulcan High Council."

"Do you take pleasure in the misery you condemn me to?"

"No more than you take pleasure in making a fool out of me and hiding pertinent information such as this from me. You have until the end of the day to tell me your decision Spock. If you fail to decide by then, I will personally submit your resignation to Starfleet and inform them of your actions with Captain Kirk."

Sarek walked past Spock without saying another word. Now alone with his anger, Spock closed his eyes and let the tears he had held back during their entire conversation fall from his eyes. Not even the smell of his mother's favorite scent could soothe the pain in his heart.

After Kirk had calmed down, he beamed back down to the planet. Spock had been gone for far too long and they needed to get back to their exploration now that his pon farr was over. After some effort, he back tracked his path to Prime's house and knocked on his door. Grim faced, Prime opened the door and peered sadly at Kirk. Without saying a word, he moved aside and allowed Kirk to walk inside.

Sitting in a chair close to the fireplace was Spock, whose head was in his hands. Guilt immediately washed over Kirk when he felt the sadness that emanated from him. Slowly, he walked over to Spock and placed a hand on his shoulder. Spock lifted his head and watched as Kirk lowered himself to his knees.

In a soft voice, Kirk said, "I'm sorry for blowing up at you like that…"

"You had every right to be upset…"

"I still shouldn't have reacted that way. I wasn't thinking about what you were going through, I only thought about myself. It's just…" he sighed. "When you told me you never told your father about us, it made me feel like you were ashamed of our relationship. Like it was okay to let anyone else know that we were together, but not your father."

"I had good reason to hide it…"

"I know. I know. I was still hurt though. But again, I shouldn't have reacted like I did. So…I'm sorry. Please don't be sad anymore."

"If only it were that easy," Spock said morosely. "There is something that I need to tell you Jim."

Kirk gave a worried look at Spock. "Wh-what is it?"

Spock took a deep breath and said, "I will not be coming with you when you leave New Vulcan."

"What?" Kirk said in utter disbelief. "Why?"

"It is the condition for which my father is allowing me to remain engaged to you. I am to remain here on New Vulcan to assist with the colony's development for six months. I have already notified Starfleet of my temporary leave of absence and they have approved it."

Kirk reached out and grabbed Spock by the shoulders and shook him. "But why?!? Why would you do that?!? You love being on the Enterprise! What would suddenly make you want to stay here?"

"Our father," Prime said.

"What?" Kirk looked at Prime, confused at what Sarek had to do with Spock staying on New Vulcan.

"Sarek has demanded that Spock stay here on New Vulcan as punishment for withholding your relationship from him. He also wishes to test the strength of your love. The other alternative he offered was to notify Starfleet of your relationship and force you both to lose your positions on the Enterprise."

Kirk turned to Spock and asked, "Is that true?!?"

Spock nodded and added, "He also wishes me to recount everything about our relationship. He plans to act as judge and jury on the validity of it." He scoffed bitterly. "He seems to think that you have misled me and that your intentions are far from pure. If by the end of the six months I spend here on New Vulcan he is not satisfied with our relationship, he will force me to break our life bond and marry T'Maire, since according to the Vulcan High Council she is my true fiancée."

"That's bullshit!" Kirk shouted, standing on his feet. "Even worse, that's blackmail! Besides, he can't make you do anything! You're a fucking adult for Pete's sake!"

"I am however still his child and given the Vulcans' current state…"

"Don't give me that load of crap!" Kirk interrupted. "I don't care if your race is down to its last two people, nothing justifies this! This is the most underhanded, sneaky, twisted shit I've ever heard a Vulcan try to pull! And you're just allowing him to do it?!?"

Bleary dark brown eyes looked back at blazing blue eyes. Tears fell from Spock's eyes, each tear lessening Kirk's rage. "Jim…it was the only thing I could do to ensure that I could remain engaged to you and ensure the safety of at least your career in Starfleet. It was the only way…"

Kirk returned to his knees and held Spock close, allowing him to sob softly into his arms. Spock's arms wrapped around Kirk's back and grabbed the fabric of his shirt. Kirk felt the pain and sadness flow through their mind link and struggled to maintain his composure as well. He shushed Spock and whispered, "It's okay…it's okay…I'm sorry…"

He waited until Spock calmed down before letting him go. He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the Vulcan's tears from his face and said, "I don't want to leave you here, but if you've already notified Starfleet, there's nothing more I can do. If I contact them now and tell them to reverse it, they'll know something is wrong. We'll let it be for now, but this isn't over."

"What are you going to do?" Spock croaked.

"I'm taking matters into my own hands Spock." Kirk said. "That's all I'll tell you for now. You have enough on your plate as it is."

Kirk leaned forward and kissed Spock tenderly. "He can try to keep us separated, but we still have our bond. We'll always be together through that, even if we can't physically be together."

Spock nodded and watched as Kirk stood and walked over to Prime. In a low voice, he said, "I don't think I have to ask you to be there for him, do I?"

Prime shook his head. "I will be by his side to comfort him as much as I can Jim."

Kirk gave a curt nod and then left Prime's home, blowing a kiss at Spock and waving goodbye before he did. When the door closed behind him, he took a moment to collect himself. That was one hell of a bombshell he dropped on me, he thought, but not as big as the one I'm going to drop on Sarek…