There was little sleep for Brinna after her dream and when she rose the next morning she didn't feel the slightest bit rested—which was hardly surprising. She knew that she needed to remain focused, that Malak still needed to be stopped, but she could feel apathy stealing over her and she had little strength left to battle against it. For the first time in her life—or as far as she knew anyway since she now knew her memories weren't exactly to be trusted—Brinna simply wanted to throw in the towel.
But she wouldn't do it. There were many reasons for this but it wasn't solely duty or a wish to act nobly that was propelling her. Though the desire seemed flickering in comparison with her wish that she could just run away from it all, there was still a part of her that insisted that she was not Revan. She was Brinna Warrim now and even though she knew that the very name was fictional, she had also begun to construct a life for Brinna and it was a life of which she was not willing to let go. It was a life for which she had fought and for which she would have died.
At any rate, it was a life that was even more real to her than that of Revan. Though she knew what she had once been, her memories of her life as Revan were so scant that they were more like someone else's memories. One of the most disturbing aspects of the revelation of the truth was that it had left her feeling almost as if she had been split in two. There was a part of her that was wholly alien, of which she knew next to nothing and the sensation was nearly enough to drive her mad. She knew the atrocities that Revan had committed, knew that Revan ought to be tried as a war criminal and, yet, how could Brinna be tried as Revan? How could anyone possibly understand that she, Brinna Warrim, was innocent of those crimes? She couldn't remember them and the thought of them repulsed her to her very core. Did that person deserve to be held responsible?
With these thoughts, her anger with the Jedi returned. They had wrought more havoc than they had anticipated for they had essentially trapped the psyche of an innocent person inside the body of a guilty one. Though she would never say that she was sorry that they had stopped Revan, she found it hard to forgive them for having created Brinna Warrim for surely they must have known—or at least feared—that, at some point, she would discover the truth. Had she been eager to reclaim the mantle of Dark Lord, what the Jedi had done might perhaps not have mattered. But the fact of the matter was that Revan was someone else to her, someone she could never imagine herself being and now she would be forced to live forevermore with Revan. In essence, the Jedi had created new life when they had reprogrammed Revan and, in so doing, they had condemned Brinna Warrim to a life in turmoil. The Jedi had played creator and subsequently robbed a being of her own free will.
Still, it could not be denied that they had also done her a great favor. Had she continued as Revan, would she have turned away from the dark side and followed the path of the light? Would she have done all the things she had done as Brinna—freeing Wookie and Jawa slaves, trying her best to help the poor and defenseless, risking her life to save the Republic—if she had remained as Revan? The just part of her knew that Revan would likely have continued down the path of destruction and that had the situation been different it might have been someone else trying to find the Star Maps and stop Revan. It might have been her, Revan, rather than Malak who was slaughtering millions for the sake of her own ambition.
Lost in the turmoil of her own mind, Brinna (Revan?) saw nothing as she prepared herself for her first day on Manaan. All actions were done by rote and when she was clean, dressed, and prepared to disembark from the ship she really couldn't remember exactly how she had arrived at the moment. She couldn't say if the others had reached out to her or shunned her for she had simply been oblivious to their presence and only now acknowledged it, now that she was making a conscious effort.
Of all her companions, only Carth avoided her glance. The others looked at her with compassion or concern—or outright admiration, in the case of Canderous—but Carth refused to look at her at all. There was no question that his avoidance of her broke her heart but it also made her angry. Rationally, she understood why he was shunning Revan but Brinna Warrim was mad that he was abandoning her in her hour of need. Was her life to be like this from now on, this constant split between two wildly different personalities? She wondered how much of it she could possibly endure.
Yet in spite of her current mixed feelings towards Carth, she wanted him with her, just as she always had. She wanted to do the right thing, wanted to be Brinna and perhaps take some steps towards atoning for Revan's actions, though she could not see how she could possibly fully atone for what Revan had done. Still, she could carry out this mission as Brinna but once it was over there was nothing left for her and she would be adrift. The only thing that might anchor her firmly to a new life as Brinna was Carth. Without him, she didn't think she would have any desire to go on once Malak was defeated—if she did have any hope at all of defeating him and surviving the encounter.
Maybe now you have the slightest understanding of how Carth must have felt after the destruction of Telos.
The thought made her heart ache for him once again and she stared at him, desperately willing him to see that she was Brinna and not Revan. It must have been impossible for him to ignore her eyes boring into him for he looked up and met her gaze for the briefest of instants. His eyes were cold but this didn't entirely kill the flicker of hope within her for he had at least acknowledged her existence.
"Will you come with me today?" she asked him quietly, not wanting the others to hear.
His only response was a nod. Perhaps she shouldn't have felt heartened by this because it may have been that his only reason for coming along was to keep tabs on her and make sure she didn't suddenly lose herself to the dark side. Whatever his reasons, though, she had come to depend on him and the thought of having to face the mission without his help—however cold and impersonal—was not one that she relished.
"Jolee, you're with us. Let's see if we can find that old friend of yours."
"I'm not one to turn my back on a friend in need," Jolee told her. "Of course, I can't do much for a friend who refuses the help."
Brinna looked from him to Juhani and felt rather chagrined that she had shunned her Jedi brethren. There was no reason for her to have done so, really, other than her desire to wallow in her own misery, self-pity, and self-hatred. But she knew that she could not complete this mission successfully on her own and she was going to have to learn how to deal with her emotions without shutting her companions out or there wouldn't be the slightest hope for success.
Tentatively, she reached out to Juhani and Jolee via the Force and the warmth and welcome she felt there helped to ease her pain, if only slightly. Juhani's presence was especially meaningful for it helped Brinna to see that there was a hope of redemption. Though she couldn't fully consider the future ramifications of her true identity, Brinna was realistic enough to know that there would be those who would not forgive her even if she did manage to save the Republic. She was not certain that she could even forgive herself. But just as Brinna had not shunned Juhani when Juhani finally turned her back on the dark side, perhaps there were those who would accept Brinna's redemption.
Her companions were also reassured by her reconnecting to them, she could feel it. They had been worried about her and that realization was very humbling for Brinna was finally coming to understand just how much those around her cared for her. Even as Brinna, she would have been gratified to find that she was cared for to such an extent but to realize that now was especially significant. Her companions had such good hearts for knowing who and what she had once been and for not shunning her because they knew who she was now.
The first thing Brinna and her companions saw when they set foot off the ship was a confrontation between a Sith and a Republic solider. When the Sith stormed off, the Republic soldier rounded on Brinna and nearly bit her head off before apologizing sheepishly when he realized that she was a Jedi. He explained to her that Manaan was the only source of kolto in the galaxy and that the Selkath were maintaining their neutrality and providing the resource to both the Sith and the Republic. Neither side could afford to alienate the Selkath because without the kolto they would not be able to produce the med packs that were essential to each side's war efforts and so the planet existed in an uneasy sort of symbiosis. If either side violated the terms of the laws and treaties, the Selkath would destroy the kolto.
"I suppose we had best watch our step with the Selkath authorities," Brinna mused as the Republic soldier went on his way.
"That would be wise," Jolee agreed.
One look at Carth's face told Brinna all she needed to know about his feelings about Manaan's political state. Still, she had to admit to herself that she could see where the Selkath might think neutrality would protect them. It was undeniable that the whole structure was a business arrangement but by attempting to maintain their neutrality the Selkath were also striving to free themselves of Sith oppression and Brinna could understand how that would appeal to them. In the end, though, the actions of the Selkath smacked of self-interest and she couldn't approve of it. Preserving one's freedom at the price of everyone else's didn't exactly sit well with her.
Just as they were about to leave the hangar, they were approached by a Selkath who said he was looking to purchase exotic species. Brinna thought of the gizka who were rapidly taking over her ship and made the Selkath an offer he quickly refused. Still, with a little persuasion and the handing over of one hundred credits, she finally got him to agree to take the gizka off her hands.
"Thank the Force," Jolee muttered. "I thought the mess in the food replicator was bad but it's nothing to the mess those gizka have created. It would have been a bargain for you to pay him ten times what he asked."
"They were beginning to become a serious impediment," Carth agreed.
Their next stop was at the port authority, where Brinna was treated to a summary of Selkath laws; namely, kolto smuggling was an offense punishable by death and Selkath law called for harsh treatment of those who threatened the planet's neutrality.
"How can you be neutral when the Sith are trying to conquer everything?" Brinna asked in exasperation.
"The Sith respect the independence of Manaan as much as the Republic does. As long as we continue to control the production of a resource as valuable as kolto we have no need to fear any conquering fleet. Should Manaan ever come under attack, we would destroy the supply of kolto and vanish beneath the oceans of our world. Even the Sith are not willing to risk the loss of a commodity as valuable as kolto."
"That seems awfully short sighted…" Brinna argued.
"Your opinion is biased by your own alliances, human. Only we Selkath can best protect the interests of Manaan and Ahto city."
Deciding it was pointless to argue further, Brinna paid the docking fee and she and her companions continued on their way.
"The Selkath are deluding themselves if they think the Sith will allow them to remain neutral," Carth said angrily.
"Oh, and you don't think the Republic would be just as happy to sway the Selkath to their side?" Jolee asked.
"Of course I don't think that," Carth snapped. "What I'm trying to say is that the Selkath are being remarkably stupid. They could help to give the Republic an edge in the war and, instead, they're burying their heads in the sand. Claiming you want to remain neutral is all well and good but how can anyone sit back and watch what the Sith are doing and pretend like they're above it? It's delusional."
"I agree with Carth," Brinna said softly. There was some mocking in the gaze that Carth turned on her and it hurt her but she continued. "The Selkath are trying to pretend they're above it all, which is just plain ignorant. Anyone with any sense can see that the welfare of the galaxy hangs in the balance. They can try to maintain their neutrality all they want but it wouldn't do them any good in the end if the Sith were to win. Do they really think that their neutrality in the war would stop the Sith from crushing them?"
"Some people don't like the face the truth head on," Jolee said. "And some people prefer to deal with reality and carry on as best they can."
Brinna was gratified by this response but Carth's face went a bit white and she knew that Jolee had succeeded in hitting both of his marks. The conversation ended there, though, because they were stopped by a woman who called out, "Jolee! It is you! I…need your help."
"Elora?" Jolee asked, apparently amazed. "Of all the people…How did you even know I'd left Kashyyyk?"
"I didn't. Nobody knew where you were, not even Sunry! But I heard the Selkath mention you and your friends. The Force has brought you to help us!"
"Why? Whatever could be the matter, my dear?"
"It's horrible, Jolee! Sunry has been arrested! The Sith have accused him of murder!"
"Murder? But how…"
"It's all a mistake, Jolee! Sunry isn't a murderer—someone is trying to frame him."
"Calm down, Elora. Where's Sunry now?"
"Sunry's being held at the Selkath courts. They won't let anyone in to see him. Please, go to the courts, talk to the judges. Maybe the Selkath will listen to you."
"Don't worry, Elora. We'll get to the bottom of this and help Sunry…somehow."
"I can't believe Sunry would do such a thing," Jolee said as they walked away.
"Sunry is a war hero!" Carth exclaimed. "We have to help him if we can."
"We'll go to the courts—as soon as we can find them," Brinna said, turning down a corridor and wandering into a place that was not, in fact, the courts. Instead, it seemed to be a combination of a cantina and a gathering place for mercs. The room was thick with them and they came in every variety of life form.
As she was staring, rather amazed, Brinna was approached by a Selkath who introduced himself as Nilko. He told Brinna that the Republic was hiring a remarkable number of mercenaries, which surprised her. His attempts to determine why had been rebuffed by the Republic and the Sith were refusing to give an accurate account. As for the mercenaries themselves, they were so well paid that they certainly weren't willing to spill the beans. Nilko's request was that Brinna look into the matter for him.
"I'm uncomfortable with spying on the Republic," Carth said, echoing Brinna's thoughts. "But if we could assure the Selkath that they mean no harm, then perhaps it might be worth it."
Brinna's misgivings were eased somewhat by Nilko's assertion that his sympathies lay with the Republic. He vowed to protect their interests but said that he would be unable to hold his superiors at bay much longer and that if there was further investigation, he feared that whatever was found would cast the Republic in a bad light. This was a valid concern and Brinna agreed to look into the matter for him.
They hadn't made it very far when they were set upon by another Selkath, this one by the name of Shaelas. Word apparently traveled fast on Manaan, for the Selkath informed her he'd heard she wasn't a friend of the Sith. Upon Brinna's reassuring him that she wasn't, he told her that his daughter Shasa was among a group of missing Selkath young and that he suspected the Sith were somehow involved. He feared that their motives were sinister and Brinna could clearly see that he was desperate to find out what had happened to his daughter. She had no hesitations about helping him and promised to try her best to find out what had become of Shasa.
"So much for neutrality," Carth scoffed. "I suppose the Selkath in power use that word to console themselves because it's obvious that the people have strong feelings."
"Is there really any such thing as neutrality?" Jolee asked him. "Sure, there's indifference but we generally all like to have our own opinions about things."
Brinna was about to respond but was jolted by an obviously drunken Sith man who gazed lewdly at her. Disgusted, she attempted to brush by him.
"Oh…I get it. I get a little too forward and you want to hold it against me. Hey, I just thought of something! If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?" he asked, roaring with laughter as if this were the funniest joke in the galaxy. "Barkeep, I sense I've offended my lady friend. Bring me another round so I can drown my sorrows in the sweet nectar of the Selkath people."
Biting her tongue, Brinna shot the man a black look before moving away. In truth, she was hurt that Carth hadn't intervened as he had on Tatooine. Apparently, she was no longer worthy of his chivalry.
But I'm not any different now than I was then! she thought angrily. Why can't he see that?
The three were silent as they headed out and continued their search for the Selkath courts. Brinna's emotions swung wildly from anger to understanding and back again as thoughts of Carth swirled through her head. She could sense that Jolee felt rather sorry for her, though he also seemed to understand Carth's point. Truth be told, Brinna did as well.
He doesn't know what it's like. He can't understand it, don't you see that? How can anyone unless they've experienced it themselves? Do you honestly think he'll be the first to doubt your sincerity? You can claim Revan's dead all you want, you can swear up and down that you don't really have any of her memories anymore but do you think that will be enough to make anyone believe you?
Finally, they found the courts and once the judges had finished mediating a dispute between a Sith and a Republic soldier, Brinna stepped forward and approached them. After having witnessed the rather lacking justice of the judges, who had declared both sides guilty and fined both ten thousand credits, she didn't have much hope for Sunry. It seemed the Selkath were determined to maintain their neutrality by finding everyone guilty rather than truly administering justice, lest they appear biased. Everyone would then be forced to accept the judgment or the Selkath would withhold the precious kolto. When it came down to it, she couldn't help but feel that the Selkath approach was rather akin to blackmail.
Fortunately, the Selkath accepted her request to allow her to investigate the murder. The judges explained that Sunry was entitled to a neutral arbiter and, as a Jedi, they felt that Brinna could fill that role.
"I suppose you're Sunry's only hope. We have to at least try to help him," Jolee murmured.
"I will now inform you of the pertinent facts in this case," the judge continued. "You have a limited amount of time in which to investigate and organize a defense of your client, and I advise you to use it wisely.
"Sunry was seen leaving a hotel, leaving behind a dead Sith woman—Elassa Huros. He has been charged with murder and is being held in the Ahto city prison facilities. Due to his crippled status, he is being kept in a solitary holding cell. Witnesses claim to have seen the killing and are being detained at the hotel in question pending the trial. The manager of the hotel has now been informed of your appointment.
"Elassa was found dead of a blaster wound with an incriminating Republic medal clutched in her hand. This information has been uploaded to your datapad. It would be wise to review all information before the trial starts.
"You may question Sunry or the witnesses. The evidence in this case is heavily stacked against Mr. Sunry. I believe it will take some doing to absolve him of guilt."
Not exactly impartial, are they? Brinna thought with a grimace.
"Yes…but it almost seems too heavily stacked, doesn't it? Very suspicious," Jolee muttered. Brinna couldn't help but agree.
Brinna spoke with each of the judges in turn and, not surprisingly, found a wide variety of opinions about the case. Some found the medal suspicious and she was told by one of the judges that the Sith were pressing for a guilt verdict. More than one expressed doubt that a man Sunry's age could kill a Sith woman in her prime and one even went so far as to suggest that the murder wasn't an act perpetrated by one person but was, in fact, part of a vast Republic conspiracy.
"The Republic believes in justice, as do you," Carth retorted angrily. "We just want Sunry to be fairly treated, that's all."
Jolee motioned for Carth to be quiet and Brinna was glad that she hadn't been the one to have to do it. While she agreed with Carth, she could also see that this judge had some very definite opinions and she felt it was best not to give him any more reason for prejudice.
As soon as they left the courts, they headed immediately for the prison to pay Sunry a visit. He and Jolee greeted one another warmly and talked a bit about all the times they had each saved the other. Brinna could feel her anxiety level slipping up a notch. What if she failed Sunry? Would Jolee hold it against her? Would he think she had done it intentionally?
Pushing these thoughts aside, Brinna began to question Sunry about what had happened. While she did agree that the medal seemed mighty convenient and that the evidence against him appeared to be rather circumstantial, she couldn't help but feel suspicious about his repeated protests that he was "just a crippled old man." Something about this particular phrase didn't sit right with her. Though she did sympathize with his having been played for a fool by Elassa, she wasn't certain she bought the argument that Sunry was too feeble to have been able to harm her. Though he certainly was disabled by his injury, he still appeared to her to be a man who could take care of himself.
When she had finished speaking with Sunry, Brinna sought Elora to elicit her side of the tale. Elora also claimed that Sunry was too old and crippled to have harmed Elassa. Jolee agreed that Sunry was rather too old to be able to harm anyone and Brinna regarded him incredulously. As they left, she couldn't help but ask him if he was trying to say that he himself wouldn't be able to overpower someone simply due to his own age and he protested that the situation was different because he was a Jedi and in shape. Brinna, however, remained skeptical and she could sense that Jolee was also feeling a flicker of doubt. As for Carth, he was giving away nothing.
They arrived at the hotel where the witnesses were being held and Brinna began by questioning Ignus, the manager. He had some very interesting things to say about past liaisons between Sunry and Elassa and Brinna could begin to feel her temper flare. It seemed her client had been less than forthcoming with her about the real nature of his relationship with Elassa. He had made it sound as if it was a simple case of him trying to turn her into a double agent when, in fact, it appeared they were having an affair.
Ignus was pretty firm in his belief that Sunry had left after the shot had been fired. He said that Sunry couldn't run too well but admitted that there was a slight possibility that the shot had been fired after Sunry had left.
Brinna was still chewing this information over when they went to speak with Firith Me, one of the other witnesses. They learned that Elassa and Sunry's rendezvous were regular and noisy. With a bit of coaxing and a small bribe, Brinna also learned that Firith Me had discovered that Elassa was a dark Jedi as he had once bumped into her and revealed the lightsabre she was carrying.
The last witness was a Rodian named Gluupor who admitted that the Sith had paid him to plant Sunry's medal at the crime scene.
"Clearly the Sith want him to be found guilty—which is hardly surprising," Brinna commented. "But I just can't help but feel that this isn't all as cut and dry as it seems. Why wouldn't Sunry have told us about his affair with Elassa? It makes me feel like he is hiding something."
"Yes, he was rather less than open with us, wasn't he?" Jolee asked, sounding rather uneasy.
"That doesn't prove he did it," Carth argued. "Maybe he doesn't want his wife to know about the affair. Besides, we know that the Sith purposely planted evidence. Why would they do that unless they knew Sunry was innocent and they were afraid the Selkath would rule in his favor?"
"You do have a point," Brinna conceded somewhat grudgingly. "Still, I can't help but feel like there's something going on here that I can't quite put my finger on…"
She was so lost in her musings that she almost missed the man who was lurking just before the hotel exit. She was startled when he approached and asked if she was investigating the murder. Curious, she confirmed that she was.
"This murder is much more complicated than it may first appear," the man told her. "Sunry and Elassa are proxies for their government and both sides want the other to fail."
Perplexed, Brinna asked the man what he was suggesting and, before slipping away, he advised that she should take a look at both embassies.
Eyebrow raised, she turned and looked at Jolee, who sighed. "I don't think we can just ignore this—whoever that man may be."
"Well, we can hardly go knocking on the Sith embassy door and ask for their help," Carth said.
"Then maybe we can find something at the Republic embassy. We need to go there anyway," Brinna stated.
As they made their way to the embassy, Brinna realized just how vast Ahto city was. If this city wasn't a shrine to commerce, she wasn't really sure what was. The Selkath obviously did not need the city as they made their homes in the sea. It had been constructed entirely for off-worlders, providing them with shops and entertainment and lodging as they came to the planet to conduct their business. It was almost unbelievable that a single resource could result in such vast wealth but well did Brinna know the value of a med pack in a time of extreme need.
They met Roland Wann at the Republic embassy and while he offered to help Brinna with her search for the Star Map, his help did not come without a price. He wanted her to break into the Sith base to find a submersible droid that the Republic had constructed and that the Sith had managed to obtain. It seemed the Republic had found some sympathetic Selkath who were willing to violate the terms of the treaty and provide the Republic with additional kolto. The droid had been built to survey the seafloor to find suitable supplies. If the Sith were able to obtain this information from the droid, there would be dire consequences for the Republic.
Brinna was surprised but, at the same time, she understood just how desperate the situation was. Still, to risk being cut off altogether from the sole source of kolto seemed to her a rather foolish risk and she wasn't shy about letting him know that she disapproved.
Wann gave her three options for breaking into the Sith base and Brinna sighed unhappily. She didn't see what other choice she really had for Wann had the information she needed. Still, he was asking her to take a huge risk because if the Selkath found out that she had illegally entered the Sith base, the entire mission could be ruined. She wanted to take the man and shake some sense into him but she reminded herself that he didn't understand the importance of her mission and hadn't acted solely to inconvenience her.
Her frustration with Wann helped to alleviate the guilt she couldn't help but feel as she went into the embassy computer room under the pretense of trying to decode a passcard that would allow her Sith embassy access. In truth, she had no intention of attempting to enter the base using this method. What she really wanted was to have a look at the Republic computers to see if she could find something about Sunry and, sure enough, she did.
Horrified, she watched the recording that clearly showed Sunry assassinating a sleeping Elassa. Jolee made a noise that was painful to hear and she could also see that Carth was shocked.
Setting her jaw, Brinna turned to her companions. "Come on. I want another word with Elora and Sunry."
Anger drove her to move so hurriedly that her companions had trouble keeping up with her. She couldn't believe how stupid the members of the Republic on Manaan seemed to be. On one side, she had the embassy violating the terms of the treaty and, on the other, she had a former war hero murdering a dark Jedi in cold blood. If they were looking to impress their unblemished character upon the Selkath, their methods struck her as passing strange.
Further questioning of Elora proved that she knew full well of her husband's affair, though it didn't seem that she necessarily knew of his claims that he was trying to make a double agent of Elassa. Elora insisted that Sunry had told her he was going to break the relationship off and that her husband couldn't have killed Elassa. Brinna couldn't help but feel sympathy for the woman. As if Sunry's betrayal wasn't bad enough, Elora now had to deal with the reality of him being on trial for the murder of his mistress. She wondered if perhaps she should show Elora the recording but she didn't have the heart to do so, even though she cursed her own cowardice.
Though Sunry was quick to confess to the affair, he continued to maintain his innocence until Brinna presented him with the proof of the recording. Finally, he broke down and admitted that when he discovered that Elassa was a Sith spy he killed her in her sleep. The Sith had rigged illegal cameras to record Sunry's encounters with Elassa and Republic spies had attempted to resolve this problem by altering the recording. When the Sith discovered this, they paid Gluupor to plant Sunry's medal on Elassa's body. Sunry speculated that Elassa must have stolen it from him during one of their previous encounters.
While Brinna could feel for Sunry because of the hurt and humiliation he must have experienced when he had discovered Elassa's treachery, she felt firmly that his actions were just plain wrong and she urged him to confess.
"You think I'm some kind of monster, don't you? All I did was kill a Sith! How many Sith have you killed? Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands?" Sunry protested, his voice rising.
"That's different, Sunry, and you know it," Jolee said vehemently. "We don't kill them in cold blood while they sleep."
"I don't see how the two of us are any different," insisted Sunry. "She was a spy! She was using me to get information so Malak's army could destroy the Republic! She deserved to die!"
Mustering her patience, Brinna urged him once again to confess, in the hopes that the courts might show him some mercy and, once again, Sunry refused.
"If you turn me in, the Republic will likely lose its kolto export privileges and then we'll lose the war for sure. Are you going to send all those thousands, millions—like on Taris—to their deaths, just for your sense of 'justice'?"
His words cut to the quick, especially because he could have no knowledge of just how right he was. Not only had the Tarisians died because of the presence of her and Bastila, she herself had once been the one to slaughter millions—seemingly without a second thought. She also agreed with his fears that the Selkath might sanction the Republic.
So you should just let him get away with it? Don't you think he's just trying to justify his actions to himself here? What point is there in you claiming to be redeemed if you're going to let something like this just slip by?
"Sunry…this is wrong, and you know it," Jolee said and Brinna could hear the pain in his voice. "I am a Jedi…what is it that you expect me to do to defend your actions?"
His words helped Brinna find the courage to make a difficult decision. While Jolee said his goodbyes to his friend, Brinna did her best to prepare herself mentally for what she was about to do. She went to the warden and told him that she was ready to begin the trial. Sunry shot a pleading gaze her way and Brinna found that it was difficult to maintain her resolve.
Once inside the courts, her knees were shaking as she faced the judges. As soon as they started the trial, Brinna informed them of the evidence she had discovered and turned it over to them. The judges conferred briefly and then quickly sentenced Sunry to death.
"I…I don't believe this. Sunry should be remembered as a hero, not as a murderer. This isn't right," Carth said.
The sounds of Elora's disbelieving protest and sobs drove Brinna from the courtroom and she sagged against its outer walls, dropping her head into her hands. She knew Jolee and Carth were there but neither said anything and she took a moment to compose herself before she stood up straight again.
"So what do you think of Sunry's verdict?" Brinna asked, her voice shaking. She remembered what he had said to his friend and thought that he probably did not hold her accountable for Sunry's death, but she needed to know for certain.
"You did what was necessary," Jolee told her, and she once more felt her body sagging, but this time in relief. "Sunry was guilty, as sad as that fact makes me, justice had to be done. Doesn't matter that his victim was a Sith or that he was once a hero. I only wish that my old friend hadn't done it. But that's the thing about wishes. They don't come true and now Sunry's dead, which is a shame. He was a good man you know…once. Bah. I don't want to talk about this anymore. My jaw aches."
They were silent as they made their way back to the Ebon Hawk and Brinna found herself walking a bit more slowly than her companions. In some ways, she dreaded returning to the ship. While it was certainly nice to be surrounded by those who cared about her and supported her, there were also many lonely hours on the ship, hours during which she had far too much time to think about things about which she would rather not think. Though the pain of the truth she had recently learned had not lessened, while on Manaan she had been so busy that she'd had little time to think about her regrets and sorrows, her fears.
Jolee hurried onto the ship but, to her surprise, Carth lagged behind a bit. She felt her heart jump a bit in hope but it seemed the last thing he had on his mind was closing the distance between them.
"Why did you do it?" he asked, rounding on her and speaking with such vehemence that she found herself taking a step back from him. She really couldn't remember him ever having spoken to her like that and, at first, she felt her face crumple and tears prickle at the corners of her eyes.
No, no way! You are not going to allow him to do this! He has no right. Who does he think he is? It's good enough for him to make you all kinds of promises but the moment he's put to the test he abandons you and you're just going to stand for it?
She could feel her anger swell but there was something different about it this time. Though anger did allow the dark side more of a foothold within her, she found that this anger felt different, that this anger didn't frighten her quite as much. Brinna had a bad habit of holding her feelings inside, of not saying what she really felt. Perhaps this was a side effect of the Jedi's reprogramming of her mind but there was also a good chance that she had always been this way, that her habit of repressing had allowed her anger and frustrations to build until they had burst out of her and she had embraced the darkness that accompanied them.
"I did it because he's a murderer!" she hissed at him, her voice as cold as ice. "And you know it!"
"He's a war hero!" Carth cried.
"Oh, so that makes it okay for him to kill someone in cold blood? That makes it okay for him to pick up a blaster and fire it at a defenseless woman while she sleeps? That makes it okay for him to act on his anger, does it?" She found that she was shouting at him and she was glad of it. Though she grieved for the chaos that Revan had wrought in his in his life, she was angry for the way he had betrayed Brinna. Perhaps he couldn't currently see the distinction between the two but she would make him understand if it was the last thing she did.
"She was a Sith spy!" he yelled back at her, the volume of his voice now matching her own. "She would have killed countless people!"
"So human life only has value to you if someone has the same beliefs you have? I find it ironic how you can turn your back on me for what Revan did and yet you have no problem with what Sunry did!"
"Don't you dare compare Sunry to Revan—to you! Sunry saved just as many lives as you took!"
"I'm not Revan! Can't you see that? Revan is dead! Whoever she was, whatever she was, she died on that ship when Malak fired on her and Bastila used the Force to save her body. Don't you understand that everything that made Revan who she was: her mind, her mentality, her beliefs, her cruelty, that all of that died when she was attacked? What the Jedi took away from that ship was a shell and what they did was fill it!"
Carth's face went white and he stared at her. "Are you trying to say it doesn't matter anymore, that Revan's crimes should just be forgotten?"
"No, I'm not!" she shouted at him. She could feel angry tears falling but she did nothing to stop them; she wasn't ashamed. "What I'm saying is that the Jedi played Creator. They gave birth to Brinna Warrim but she didn't start out as an infant! Instead, they planted her into the body of Revan. Do you have any idea what that's like? Do you have any concept of how it feels to believe—no to know—yourself to be one thing and then find out that everything you remember, everything from your past, every person about whom you ever cared is nothing more than a work of fiction? Do you understand that I'm no one! My father never existed, my mother never existed, Amara never existed!"
If it was possible, Carth had gone even paler and he was staring at her with a mix of emotions that she could not read. But now that she'd opened the dam, she could not stem the flow of the water and the words continued to pour out of her.
"I don't exist!" she cried, smacking her hand against her chest. As she did so, she felt the stone on the necklace that she had believed someone named Amara had made. She wondered what had possessed the Jedi to give her that necklace, what it was that had motivated them to create such a wondrous work of fiction about it. A mixture of anger and agony washed over her and she tore the necklace from her throat and threw it across the hangar. "It's all a lie! My whole life is a lie—except for those few bits where I can remember that terrible, evil person named Revan. You tell me, is it fair that Brinna Warrim has no memories of her own, that her only memories are of Revan searching for the Star Forge as she attempted to continue her campaign of murder and devastation across the galaxy?"
"Brinna…" Carth said weakly, looking to where she had thrown her necklace.
"Oh, now you'll call me Brinna," she said, the fight beginning to rush out of her. She was back to where she'd been such a short time ago, back to feeling as though she was powerless in the face of such sorrow. "You refuse to judge Sunry but you don't have any problems judging me. A war hero who knowingly slaughters a sleeping woman is okay with you but a Jedi who is doing her best to save the galaxy and who finds out that she now inhabits the body of someone who once murdered millions isn't okay with you.
"No, Carth, I'm not trying to excuse Revan. That's something I would never do. In fact, I hate Revan more than you could possibly imagine. But, unlike you, I have to live with the fact that Revan once inhabited this body. I have to live with the fact that everyone will look at me as a monster, even though I have no recollection of the actions that made me monstrous. I have to live with the knowledge that I have been reborn but the millions that I killed lie in their graves. Revan can no longer accept responsibility for the things she did but I can and I do. I'm risking my life in an attempt to do whatever I can to set things right but I know that no matter what I do, I can never even come close to atoning for what Revan did."
Weeping openly now, Brinna turned on her heel and fled into the ship, wanting to get away from Carth as quickly as possible, unable to survive yet another heartbreak.