Prompt: I was wondering if you could write a fanfic set in the present in which Kensi and Deeks are talking about Kensi's accident and her recovery process (back in season 8) and Kensi finally has the courage to admit that back then she struggled with mental health and was depressed but hid it because she didn't want to look weak or worry Deeks. Thank you
Deeks woke up Sunday morning to the sun streaming through the windows and an empty bed. He walked downstairs, finding an empty mug by the fresh pot of coffee. As he poured himself a cup, he noticed Kensi sitting on back patio.
Frowning, Deeks slid through the back door, the concrete cool on his bare feet despite the bright sun. He stopped a few feet from Kensi, taking in the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, her knees raised towards her chest.
"Hey, was my snorting really that bad?" he joked, lowering himself next to her. She didn't react to his presence at first, just curling her fingers around the coffee mug in her hands a little more.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up," she murmured, eyes lowered towards the remnants of last year's garden. Somehow, he didn't think she was really looking at it.
"No, you didn't. What has you up at 7 in the morning?"
Kensi exhaled noisily. "Oh, I was just thinking about some things." She shrugged the blanket a little higher. "Six years ago, I was still learning to shoot and running agility tests after my accident."
Deeks stilled, waiting for her to elaborate. The helicopter crash, her coma, and then subsequent recovery, were all topics Kensi tended to avoid.
"That was such a hard year. At first, I thought I'd never recover completely, that I'd always be a little broken and at the very least, never return to fieldwork." The pain was evident in her voice, even after all this time, and Deeks' heart ached for her.
"But you proved yourself and everyone else so wrong. I was amazed by your strength and determination," he told her.
"It didn't feel like that at the time," she said in a soft voice. "Especially in the first couple months, it felt like I barely made any progress. I hated having to let other people do everything for me."
"Oh believe me, I know." He nudged her shoulder, and she offered the barest smile to his gentle teasing.
"I know I kept insisting I was fine, but I got in a pretty dark place for a while." She paused, glancing up for the first time. "I didn't want anyone to see me like that, especially you. And," her shoulders heaved with yet another sigh, "I convinced myself that I wasn't worthy of you."
"Oh, Kens," he murmured, breaking the unspoken barrier between them and enfolding her in his arms. "You have to know that would never be true."
"I knew that's what you said, but i couldn't understand why," Kensi explained. "I didn't want you to see me at my worst, or get sick of me being so useless," Deeks made a sharp sound of disapproval, but she squeezed his hand to stop him from interrupting. "I know that I was wrong now. Then the depression and trauma messed with my head. It's why I pushed you away, and insisted on running alone or training with someone else from the team."
"That was hard," Deeks admitted. "I knew you were struggling, but, um, I also thought you were sick of me.
"No, never Deeks. I might joke about it sometimes, but that was never it." Uncurling a hand from her coffee, she caressed his cheek with her thumb, eyebrows furrowed. "I'm sorry I ever made you feel like that."
"Forgiven long ago." He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead, then offered a hand as he stood. "C'mon, let's go inside; it's chilly out here."
Kensi let him pull her up, but pulled him to a stop before they reached the back door. She cupped the back of his neck, kissing him on the mouth.
"Here's to another year of healing."