Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 36: No Money, Mo' Problems

After hearing that her parents were broke, Lola stammered, "W-what?"

Rita explained to the family, "Yeah. We checked the bank accounts this afternoon. All of them are cleaned out!"

Lynn Jr. gasped, "A-all of them?"

Lynn Sr. confirmed, "All of them, sport."

Lana asked, "W-what does that mean, Pops?"

Lisa guessed, "If I'm not mistaken, my hypothesis is that all funds previously directed to our extracurricular activities will be redirected towards supplying the essential needs of this household."

Lynn Sr. sighed, "That's correct, Lise." Anticipating the ire of his daughters, Lynn Sr. quickly added, "And it's not because you guys are being punished… we simply can't afford them."

The Loud sisters yelled in shock, "WHAT?!", before talking over each other in a helter-skelter manner. Lana quickly ran towards Lynn Sr. and begged him, "Please, you've got to have some money for what I'm trying to do! With 11 people in this house… we desperately need it!"

Every Loud sister immediately fulminated Lana with sharp glares. Lynn Jr. even crossed her arms and snarled, "What makes you so special, Lans?! You just track mud all over the house and act like a psycho over the fact the pets are gone! GET! OVER! IT!"

The rest of the Loud sisters, except for Lisa, yelled, "YEAH!", in agreement.

Lana sniffled, "Don't say that!", and immediately burst into tears.

As Lynn Sr. watched Lana cry and listened to his daughters getting louder and more riled up with each other, he quickly whistled at them, making them quiet down. Rita then immediately took charge and told her daughters, "Alright… I'm pretty sure we can have a discussion about which hobbies we're giving up in a calm, collected manner."

Lynn Sr. added, "Yeah. Umm… Lori-Lou… as the oldest child in the family, why don't you decide who loses the hobby?"

Lori smugly smirked at her sisters as she walked in between her parents, ignoring her siblings' reprise of the now-infamous "Lori BrownPants" song they had perfected over the previous week. Lori then cleared her throat and started, "Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. Now, as the oldest, I literally believe we should vote on who loses their hobbies. I'll start by voting for keeping my golf, texting time, driving privileges, and part-time job at Gus' Games 'n Grub. But no one else can vote for themselves."

The rest of the Loud sisters shouted back, "YOU'RE SUSPENDED AND GROUNDED, LORI!"

Lynn Sr. stammered, "Uh… y-yeah. Principal Rivers talked to Gus, and he won't have you back until your suspension is done, remember?"

Rita added, "Yeah. Besides, driving shouldn't be a hobby for you… it should be a responsibility!"

Lori scoffed, "Go figure."

From there, the rest of the Loud sisters started yelling at each other as to why they should keep their hobbies.

Leni defended her hobby, "I'm making the luckiest squirrel suit ever! You wouldn't know lucky outfits if I totes hit you with them!"

Luna threatened Leni, "Say that again, brah, and I'm soundblasting everyone in this room!"

Luan punned, "Once I gympie-gympie my way OWW of this pain, my comedy's going to be on fire! Hahahaha… YOWWW!"

Luna scoffed, "Like the Crowley family?!"

Luan sliced her finger across her throat and shot, "Watch it, Lunes!"

Lynn Jr. begged her parents, "I've got a game on Friday! A HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME! I can't let Coach down now!"

Lola, seizing the opportunity, interjected, "I NEED PLASTIC SURGERY! The pageant world still needs to know that Lola Loud is a million times prettier and more talented than that cow Lindsay Sweetwater will ever be!" She then made puppy dog eyes at Lynn Sr. and Rita and said in a babyish voice, "And I pwomise, Daddy, aww my money wiww go to my fam-iwy!"

Lily crossed her arms and yelled at Lola, "Ba-ba!"

Lisa offered, "I am extremely close to apprehending Marcus Quick! This family needs my scientific expertise!"

Lynn Jr. mocked Lisa, "So the super-nerd is obsessed with Marcus, too?"

Lisa snarled, "Watch it, sporty!"

The Loud sisters inside the house started shouting at each other over who deserved the money, making Lynn Sr. and Rita exchange concerned looks with each other. Rita whispered to Lynn Sr., "Honey, what should we do?"

Lynn Sr. stammered, "Uh… guys," trying to get his daughters to stop arguing. Just as Lynn Jr. got ready to tackle Lola, Lynn Sr. frantically yelled over them, "I THINK I'VE GOT SOME SPARE MONEY IN THE FAMILY PIGGY BANK!", immediately stopping the fighting.

As soon as Lynn Sr. noticed his daughters' attention, he assured them, "I'm going to go get it!"

As Lynn Sr. walked to his room, his daughters traded glances, as if nonverbally telling themselves that their father shouldn't know a family secret that they had suddenly remembered. But, desperate for any money to keep their lifestyles going, the Loud sisters yelled in unison, "MONEY!", before trailing Lynn Sr. so closely that their bodies could practically be felt on the fabric of Lynn Sr.'s sweater and khakis.

As Lynn Sr. noticed his frantic, excited daughters, he chuckled, "Whoa, calm down! I mean, I know you guys get excited over money, but this is ridiculous!"

However, Lynn Sr.'s daughters ignored him as they literally grabbed onto any part of Lynn Sr. they could just to be the first to see, and in turn access, the money contained in Lynn Sr.'s rainy day fund.

Lynn Sr. managed to laugh off his daughters' antics and drag them inside his bedroom and all the way to the closet where his money jar was. When Lynn Sr. finally reached the closet, e sighed, "Alright girls, we're here!", to which the rest of the Loud siblings cheered.

Lynn Sr. then said, "Alright… now let's see how much money this baby holds! Count it down with me!"

Rita and her daughters joined Lynn Sr. in counting down, "3! 2! 1!"

A second after the "1", Senior pulled open the closet and dragged an empty money jar out of it. The family's enthusiastic cheers and smiles quickly morphed into disappointed frowns.

Lana asked, "Hey, Pops, what gives?"

Lisa deadpanned, "Yes, father unit. You claimed this empty jar to be a 'rainy day fund.' Unless air or jars themselves have become legal tender in the United States, I can't conclude this empty jar qualifies."

Lynn Sr. desperately looked at his jar, his eyes searching for any coin or camouflaged dollar bills he could find. He pleaded with the jar, "Come on, come on!" After looking it over three times, Lynn Sr. turned over the jar, but only black lint fell out of it.

When Lynn Sr. accepted that there was no money in the jar, he gasped, "Oh no. This is bad… this is really bad."

Lola yelled, "You think? THERE'S NO MONEY IN HERE!"

Lynn Jr. paled, "That means…", and Lynn Sr. finished her sentence, "We… really… are.. totally… broke."

Lana immediately claimed, "I bet Marcus Quick stole the money when he robbed our house!"

The rest of the Loud sisters gasped before Lynn Jr. defended Marcus, "As if? Why would Marcus need to steal our money when he has a half-billion dollar contract?!"

Lori and Leni added, "YEAH!"

Leni then made the mistake of admitting, "Besides, Mom and Dad totes let me come in here and take money from the jar whenever I want!"

The Louds gasped before angrily glaring at Leni. Filled with rage, they snapped, "WHAT?!"

Leni innocently continued, "Yeah, I usually take, oh, I don't know, those bill-thingys with the cute long-wigged guy on them every time I need to go shopping."

The rest of the Louds gasped again before Lori shrieked, "YOU LITERALLY TAKE HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS EVERY DAY FROM MOM AND DAD'S JAR?!"

Leni pointed out, "Hey, sometimes, you leave those bills lying around, too! And they're just so pretty I totes have to take them!"

Lori seethed, "Why… you… little," before tackling Leni to the ground by her neck and strangling her. As Leni struggled for air, Lori growled, "YOU BITCH!"

Lola scoffed, "You should talk, Lori. I've seen how you trained Lily to walk in our parents' room crying, and every time, Lily coincidentally walks out with dollar bills that she gives to you."

The rest of the family gasped at Lola's revelation before Lola added, "Don't think I don't notice that you also conveniently take Vanzilla out for a drive practically every time that happens. Even I would never stoop that low, Lori."

At Lola's comments, Lori immediately let go of Leni and turned to Lola to growl at her. Leni took the opportunity to slap Lori on the cheek, making her wince in pain, "OWW!"

Lola smirked as she walked up to the two oldest sisters, crossed her arms, and further provoked Lori, "What are you going to do? Strangle me now? I'll claw your skin off your face if you try, and then cwy to mommy and daddy to get you gwounded fow-eva!"

Luan punned, "Talk about a rip-off!", before screaming and wincing in pain as the effects of the gympie-gympie prank made themselves known.

An irritated Lola scolded Luan, "You know what's hilarious? The fact that you also get Lily to steal mommy and daddy's money for your pranking supplies whenever April Fools' Day comes around!"

Luan gasped before quickly defending herself, "Hey, don't put the blame on me! Hahahaha, get it?!", before panting heavily as another wave of pain surged through her body. She then scolded Lola, "But seriously, Lols, not cool. Especially after I, the master, taught you how to sneak into that room and steal money from-", before again howling in pain and holding her butt, which felt like it was being burnt on both the outside and inside.

When Lola heard Luan howling in pain, she haughtily laughed, "Karma can be a real witch, Lying Luan." She then walked to her parents, put on her saddest puppy-dog eyes, and pathetically whimpered in a babyish voice, "Oh, mommy and daddy. Your kids have been using Lily to steal money from you for years. Poor Mommy and Daddy. But I would never steal from you!"

The rest of the Louds immediately yelled back, "LIES!", with Luna adding, "Dude, you're the biggest thief of all of us!"

Lola got up in Luna's face and growled, "Unless you want that axe that you bought with 'your own money' that Lily handed to you to be repossessed, maybe don't stick your pig nose in where it doesn't need to be."

Lana snickered, "Says the same girl who now has a broken nose!"

Lola yelled, "Oh, that's it! Your rights to the Lola Loud image, name, and likeness, and our Twin Sharing Agreement, are OFFICIALLY OFF!"

Lana chuckled, "Like I'd ever want to look or act like prissy little Lola Loud!"

Lola scoffed, "Oh, please. EVERYONE wants to look and act like me."

Lana joked, "Not lately," before breaking into hysterical laughter.

Lola growled, "Why you little," before tackling Lana, sending them into yet another vicious twin fight.

Meanwhile, Leni shrugged her shoulders, "I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, Lisa uses "robot spiders" to scare me, and then she has them crawl under Mom and Dad's room door. I wonder why they always come out with money… paper's totes bigger than a spider. I mean, other than that one really big spider that showed up at our front door that one time. Wait… what was I talking about again?"

As the family's glares shifted towards Lisa, she quickly muttered, "Well, I'm off to see if my bank accounts have any money. Too-de-loo!", before starting to run off.

Lynn Jr. immediately caused Lisa to stop in her tracks when she snarked, "What, are you going to count the money you're hiding from Mom and Dad?"

Lisa countered, "Balls-for-brains, I would have left you out of this and merely mentioned last night's security footage of Lucy stealing legal tender from all of our pig-shaped safety deposits. Street name: piggy banks."

The rest of the Louds gasped before Lynn Jr. snarled, "Oh great! Well there goes ALL OUR MONEY!"

Lucy pointed out from the front porch, "You mean the money you stole after kicking down Mom and Dad's room door as 'karate practice?' Or rolled Lily into a bowling ball underneath their door sill?"

Lynn Jr. growled, "This ain't about me, Lu-Cash! This is about you! And now, thanks to your bad luck, all of our money is OUT OF THE HOUSE! And speaking of out of the house, Mom, Dad, Stinkoln also copped some of your dough! The most of any of us! And he taught Lily how to get money for himself!"

Lynn Sr. and Rita gasped in horror before Lynn Sr. spontaneously yelled, "Then he's grounded! A week per dollar!"

Lucy snarled at her family, "Lincoln never stole money from Mom and Dad. Or any of you."

Lynn Jr. growled, "Oh, yes he did! I bet that's why he left, and that's why he could afford to blow all that money at stupid Gus' Games n' Grub on those stupid comic books!"

Lisa offered, "I can check the security footage," to which Lucy countered, "No. You're just going to edit it to make it look like the two of us stole all your money before 'officially' releasing it."

Lisa responded, "In any case, I must get to work! With our family's main sources of income all but gone, I must see if I have any funds to provide our family with sustenance."

As Lisa started to run away from her family, Lynn Jr. grabbed her, pulled her back into the middle of her sisters, and threatened her, "Oh… you're not getting away from this with your stupid scientific studies, Lise!"

As the Loud sisters started yelling at each other over who was the biggest thief, Lana yelled, "At least I was using your money to build you guys bathrooms!", immediately ending the argument.

The sisters gasped, "WHAT?!"

Lana explained, "Yeah, it was a stupid project Lisa put me on so that I wouldn't mess things up while she helped us get back at Marcus Quick."

Lola whispered in sudden realization, "So that's why there's that new bathroom in my room."

The rest of the Loud sisters yelled, "YOU BUILT A BATHROOM FOR HER FIRST?!"

Lana added, "And Lisa! And the parents! Before that, too!"

Lisa, Lola, and the Loud parents traded terrified glances as the older Loud sisters' faces turned red with anger at this revelation. Sensing the tension in the room, Lisa shifted blame by telling them, "While we may not know who stole what… and we may not be able to obtain the funds of our unlucky sibling units… there is one sibling who we can still claim our money from."

The rest of the Louds instantly caught onto what Lisa was saying and turned to Lily, who gulped, "Uh-oh."

The next moment, an outright brawl ensued as every Loud sister except for Lucy immediately leapt towards Lily, ready to take their money back from her. However, Lynn Jr. managed to use her superior grip strength, reflexes, peripheral vision, and agility to beat her sisters to Lily. Once Lynn Jr. secured Lily in her arms, she escaped her brawling sisters with a tuck-and-roll maneuver. Once Lynn Jr. was free of her sisters, she held Lily upside down and cheered, "Alright, lil' roomie, let's see how much you got!"

As Lynn Jr. pocketed the dollar bills inside Lily's diaper, Lynn Sr. and Rita could only watch in horror at the two scenes in front of them: Lynn Jr. taking money from Lily while her sisters brawled more intensely than they ever had mere feet away. Rita curled up in a fetal position while Lynn Sr. fell to his knees and pleaded, "Oh god, how did it all go so wrong?!"

However, when Lynn Jr. took the final 20-dollar bill from Lily's diaper, Lily shocked the entire house and stopped the fighting by crying, "MY MO-WEY!"

Lynn Jr. was so stunned that she put Lily down and stuttered, "O-OK, Lily. Go grab your money."

After being put down, Lily waddled to the bill she recognized as hers. When she picked it up, she hugged it and giggled before babbling, "MO-WEY! MO-WEY! MO-WEY!"

A horrified Lynn Sr. stammered, "Y-y-you t-too, Lily?!"

Lily responded by putting the dollar bill in her mouth.

The rest of the Louds felt horrified when they saw the emerging cuts and bruises on each other, and in turn, realized how close they were to subjecting Lily to the same fate. Their ire immediately turned to Lynn Sr. and Rita.

As Luan howled in pain, Lynn Jr. chastised her parents, "Nice going, guys! Because you guys were careless, we don't have any money, and now we're never going to get our own bathrooms!"

The rest of the Loud sisters chimed in, "YEAH!"

Lori huffed, "Great work, guys. We literally had a chance at our own bathrooms! Now, what are we going to do?"

The rest of the Loud sisters shot back, "STOP ASKING! YOU'RE THE OLDEST!"

Lori quipped, "I'm not literally asking you idiots. I'm asking Mom and Dad… security experts of the year."

Lisa threatened, "You wanna test that theory out?"

Lori sassed, "Try me."

A terrified Rita quavered, "Well… I… uh… I mean… I can't ground you girls. It's hard times for all of us. We're just going to have to find a way to survive."

Lynn Sr. offered, "Uh… how about I prostitute myself?!", causing his daughters' jaws to drop and his wife to glare at him. Seeing the stunned expressions on everyone's faces, Lynn Sr. panted, "What? It's viable. I'm cute!", before elbowing Rita and asking her, "Right, honey?"

Rita muttered under her breath, "Mm-hmm… desperate times, I guess."

Lola then gasped, "I've got it! What if we find Lincoln and sell him to the highest bidder?!"

Lana laughed, "So what, a nickel?"

Lisa countered, "By my calculations, I'd say 62 cents."

Leni immediately gasped and chirped, "I'll buy him! He's so adorable, I love him!"

Lola scoffed, "Leni, you're as broke as a mushroom, and as dumb as one too. We're trying to get rid of him. He's bad luck."

Leni screamed, "AAAH! EWW! EWW! Get him away from me!"

Lori then gasped as she outwardly realized, "Wait a minute. Dad, who was that bank officer that literally denied you your dream restaurant?"

Lynn Sr. answered, "Carl Pingrey."

Lori yelped, "PINGREY?!" She then clenched her fists in realization and seethed, "Ooh… that bitch." Lori quickly pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts to find Carol.

A curious Luna scolded Lori, "Dude, now's not the time to call your silly little friends!"

Lori snapped, "Shut up! If she's who I think she is… then she might have the answers we need."

Lori then put the phone on speaker as she waited for Carol to pick up. After the first dial tone, Carol picked up and answered, "Hello?"

Lori yelled, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Carol gasped, "What? What happened? I didn't do anything?"

Lori spat, "Oh, you know what you did! Thanks to your banker father giving us a bank error, we're totally broke!"

Carol convincingly fake-gasped, "What?! Oh my god… that's so unbelievable, Lori! Is there anything we can do to help you?"

In the background, Lily suddenly muttered, "Poo-poo," before pooping in her ripped diaper. In response, Lori muttered, "I don't know. Get Lily some diapers or something, and I don't know… can you get food and water for 11 people?"

Carol corrected Lori, "13."

Lori corrected herself, "Right, 13."

Carol sighed, "Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll be at the house as soon as I can," before hanging up on Lori.

(Scene Change: Pingrey Manor)

After Carol hung up the phone, Carol ran down the stairs to her father's study and slammed her fists on the door, begging, "Dad, open up!"

Carl opened the door and sighed, "What is it, darling?"

Carol panicked, "Lori called me! Dad, I know you did what you needed to do, but there's a baby in that house! And now, the Louds can't even afford to buy diapers for her!"

Carl gulped, "Oh god."

Carol begged her dad, "What are we going to do? I still have to keep the façade of being Lori's friend up until… you know… the time comes. I mean, I have a feeling it might already be breaking down, but still!"

Carl sighed, "Alright, Care-Bear, you win. Mom and I will go grocery shopping for the Louds."

Carol crossed her arms and smirked, "When I'm right, I'm right."

Carl ruffled Carol's hair and chuckled, "As you always are, sweetie. Now, stay back here so you can watch Cassy and Connor."

Carl gave Carol a kiss on the cheek before walking away and waving, "Bye," to Carol, which Carol returned.

(Scene Change: Loud House)

Lori told her siblings, "Well, Lisa's going to check to see if she has anything she can use from her other bank accounts. Any other ideas?"

Lucy offered from outside, "Maybe I can sell Edwin."

Lynn Jr. bellowed, "With your bad luck? No way, spooky! We might have to pay people money to take that!" She then walked to the front door and urged Lucy, "You know what… let me have that bust. We need to destroy it to get rid of any lingering curse vibes."

Lucy countered, "I'm not letting you guys touch it, you idiots. Look, since it's bad luck, I'll sell it myself, and then give the money to you guys. Then, you can do whatever luck-purifying rituals you need to do to clean it, and use it to feed yourselves."

The rest of the Louds joyfully chattered amongst themselves before Lola complimented, "For once, someone in this house has a good idea!"

Lana added, "Yeah, great work, Luce!"

Luan quipped, "Aww, shucks! Well, my triple-Edwin prank is a bust now! Hahahaha… OWWW!"

Rita sighed, "Sweetie… as much as we love your… erm… jokes, I think you're going to need to sell those two busts, too!"

Luan punned, "Only if the price is right! Hahahaha…. get it?", before yelling in pain, "AAA-HA-HA… WHOOO!"

Lynn Jr. grumbled, "We don't have time for your jokes, Luan!", before complimenting her, "But you do make a good point, Luan."

Luan punned, "I know I'm sharp! Hahahaha," before panting as the pain from the gympie-gympie plant seared through her body yet again.

As Luan reeled, Lynn Jr. suggested to her family, "We can sell some furniture we don't need anymore."

The rest of the Louds groaned in frustration, with Lori complaining, "This again? We already got rid of Lincoln's furniture… what other furniture could we possibly get rid of?"

Lynn Jr. answered, "Lucy's," causing Lucy to gasp in horror, "She wouldn't."

Inside the Loud House, stunned silence reigned for a few seconds before Lola proclaimed, "That… is… PERFECT!"

Lori pointed out, "Well, she literally did steal our money! We're merely evening the score here! She deserved it!"

Lynn Jr. urged her family, "Then, what are we waiting for?! Come on… out with Lucy's furniture!"

The rest of the Louds cheered, "Yeah!", before scrambling outside to take pictures of Lucy's furniture to post online.

Lola even cheered, "Ooh, why don't we sell it to the Sweetwaters?! Lucy's stuff should be 'suitably cursed' to ruin their lives EVEN WORSE THAN OURS HAVE BEEN RUINED!"

As Lucy heard the family cheer at the mention of selling her furniture, a sharp chill spread through her body. It seemed like any warmth she had left her as she stewed in how cold and unloved she felt. Desperate, Lucy pulled her photo album of Lincoln out of her backpack and talked to it, "Oh, spirits. Forgive me for causing this much strife amongst my family. I surrender to you… please guide me on what to do next."

A gust suddenly blew through the front porch, opening the photo album and turning it to the third page, which contained pictures of an infant Lincoln smiling in diapers. When Lucy noticed that she couldn't look away from the diapers, she knew what she had to do. With that in mind, she started walking down Franklin Avenue.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Elementary School, Principal Huggins' Office)

Principal Huggins muttered to himself, "Jesus Christ. First, this issue with the Crowley kid's death, and now I've got to wait for a callback. I just hope this is worth it."

At that moment, Principal Huggins' phone buzzed on his desk. Principal Huggins picked it up and saw exactly what he wanted to see: an "Unknown" caller ID.

Principal Huggins picked up the phone and answered, "This is Principal Huggins speaking."

On the other end of the line, Marcus Quick chirped, "Hey, it's Marcus Quick! Just calling you back on that speech you requested me to do for Friday's anti-bullying assembly at Royal Woods Elementary School! I'll get in touch with my people, and-", before Principal Huggins interrupted with a snarl, "Let's cut to the chase, Marcus. A student at my school told me about what you did."

A brief pause echoed across the office before Marcus stammered, "A-about w-what I did? Winning the Super Bowl? The 6 touchdowns I had last game? I-"

Principal Huggins cut Marcus off, "You engaged in sexual relations with two of her sisters before you and your fellow hoodlums proceeded to rob her house and kill all of her family's pets."

Marcus started, "Umm… this is-", before Principal Huggins spat, "A perfect topic of conversation. And unless you want me to report you to every police department in Michigan, you are going to do exactly what I say."

Marcus asked, now terrified, "W-what d-do you want?"

Principal Huggins told Marcus, "This Saturday… a few of my associates are having a gathering at the Royal Woods Mall. We want you to be there, give a few speeches, sign a few autographs, you know, the works."

Marcus protested, "What about those kids? You don't want to let them down, now, do you?"

Principal Huggins pointed out, "They're going to be let down either way. Now, how do you want those kids, many of whom are your fans, to be let down?! Do you want me to just tell them they couldn't get the great Marcus Quick to show up because he had 'other commitments'? Or do you want me to tell them you couldn't show up because you got arrested? Imagine what their parents would think! Many of whom pay good money to watch you and buy your merchandise! Imagine families across the nation burning your jersey in disgust! Imagine your legacy… at 24 years old… forever ruined. Imagine how disappointed your teammates… your coaches… your fans…will be. And your family and so-called 'friends'… if you get put away, their free ride ends. Do you want that for yourself? Remember, I'm a school principal."

Marcus sighed, "OK, fine, I'll do it. When do you want me there?"

Principal Huggins smirked, "Around, say, 11 AM. And when you get there… come in a lion fur suit."

Marcus asked, "A lion fur suit? Why would I wear one of those?"

Principal Huggins deadpanned, "Fans mob you everywhere you go, don't they? This is the best way for you to stay hidden."

Marcus stammered, "O-OK. Fair point. See you Saturday."

Principal Huggins muttered, "See ya," before hanging up the phone.

(Scene Change: Quick Mansion, Huntington Manor)

Marcus put his phone in his pocket and collapsed into a nearby sofa, panting in terror.

Aaron asked, "Marcus… what's up?"

Marcus panted, "Bruh… someone knows. One of those Loud kids snitched."

Aaron gasped, "No."

Marcus nodded, "Mm-hmm."

Aaron offered, "You wanna go back? You know, put a clip in them?"

Marcus shook his head, "Nah. I gotta think about this man… this is messed up. I mean, their fuckin' elementary school principal asked me to wear a fur suit to Royal Woods Mall on Saturday or get arrested."

Aaron gasped, "A fur suit?"

Marcus nodded before admitting, "I don't even know what that is."

Aaron shook his head and sighed, "Oh boy."

Marcus asked, "What?"

Aaron sighed, "I'll show you. I mean, I'd still recommend it over prison, but you're going to have to make sure no one knows about this but the two of us and that principal."

Marcus was confused, but nodded at Aaron as he pulled out his phone and searched "fur suit" on his web browser.

(Scene Change: Flip's Food and Fuel, 10 minutes later)

As soon as Lucy walked into Flip's Food and Fuel, Flip gave her his standard greeting, "Welcome ta Flip's Food and Fuel! Buy one Flippee, get one at the exact same price!"

Lucy told Flip, "No Flippee for me today."

Flip gasped, "You're not buying?", before pointing at the door and yelling at her, "Get out, then!"

Lucy shook her head, "I'm here to sell something. Or even barter."

Flip asked in confusion, "Sell something?" He then pondered, "I'm not usually a buyer… and I don't do charity… but I am willing ta make a deal. I must warn ya though, I drive a hard bargain!"

Lucy deadpanned, "Of course."

Flip smiled, "Alright then! What do ya have for me?"

Lucy presented Flip her Edwin bust and told him, "This is Edwin. He's my favorite character from Vampires of Melancholia."

Flip put his finger to his chin in deep thought, "Hmm… I don't know… about $3.50."

Lucy's eyes popped out of her sockets as she gasped, "T-t-t-three h-hundred a-and fifty dollars?"

Flip proceeded to laugh at Lucy so hysterically that he fell on his back, "Oh… oh.. oh my god… three hundred and fifty dollars for THAT piece of garbage?! Haha… haha… whoo!"

Lucy snarled at Flip, "He's not a piece of garbage!"

After wiping a drop of sweat off his brow, Flip clarified, "Oh-ho-ho! Sorry, spooky girl. When I said $3.50, I meant three dollars and fifty cents. Ya think I'm paying three hundred and fifty dollars for anything… you're crazy!"

Lucy murmured, "Sigh… I need all the money I can get. Here you go," before handing Edwin's bust to Flip.

Flip then went into his cash register and pulled out $3.50: a 2-dollar bill, a 1-dollar bill, and 2 quarters. He handed the money to Lucy, chirping, "Here ya go!"

When Lucy took the money from Flip, the first thing she noticed was that while the coins were legitimate, the dollar bills had Flip's face printed on top of them instead of the faces of the corresponding U.S. presidents. Lucy immediately recognized that she had been conned, but knowing Flip's reputation and previous antics, decided to let it slide and pocketed the money in her backpack for whatever it was worth. As Lucy put her money away, Flip immediately put the Edwin bust on the shelf behind him, pulled out a piece of paper from his drawer, cut it into a modestly-sized rectangle, and wrote, "$350" on said rectangle before putting it on the Edwin bust. When Lucy looked up from her backpack to see what Flip did, she briefly growled in rage before remembering what she came there to do.

Lucy walked through the aisles, looking for diapers. She inwardly muttered to herself, "Come on, come on!" At the far right corner of the store, she found exactly what she was looking for: a big box of 150 baby diapers… that cost $60.

Lucy, realizing she had very little say in the matter, muttered to herself, "Sigh," before taking the box and walking to the cash register with it. When Lucy arrived at the cash register, she told Flip, "Well, here ya go."

Flip scanned the item before naming his price, "That'll be $63.59, please."

Lucy gasped, "How? The price tag said $60!"

Flip shot, "Taxes, kid. What, ya didn't know that? You're dumber than ya look!"

Lucy muttered, "Sigh." As Lucy dug into her backpack for money, Flip remembered, "Hey… wait a minute… I know you!"

Lucy stopped and asked Flip, "How?"

Flip exclaimed, "You're that girl who pooped in her family's backyard!"

Lucy gasped, "How do you know about that?"

Flip explained, "Oh… someone sent it ta me on WhatApp earlier today. It's really gone, erm, what do the kids say… viral!"

Lucy informed Flip, "Well, if you must know, my idiot sisters put Colon Storm in my food."

Flip remarked, "Colon Storm, huh? Well, that'll get ya."

Lucy shrugged off her conversation with Flip and decided to keep searching for the money. She had what she believed to be a $50 bill in her hand when she heard Flip comment, "You know… it's a shame you're 8 years old. You'll be all grown up soon. It's too bad children have to grow up and out of diapers."

Lucy stuttered, "W-w-what d-do you mean?"

Flip offered, "Well, given your situation, I could, and should, give you a discount on diapers for yourself. Matter of fact… I don't do this often… matter of fact, not at all, I'll even give them to you for free! If you can do… one thing for me."

Lucy gulped before quavering, "S-sure, F-Flip. W-what is it?"

Flip evilly smirked while whispering in Lucy's ear, "Wear the diaper in front of me. Just to see if it fits, you know?"

Lucy's pupils shrank in sheer horror and disgust and Flip's request. Her body tensed up and almost locked up in place. For a split-second, she was tempted to call the police on both Flip and her parents. But, realizing that she had very few options, and that her family would blame her encounter with Flip on "bad luck," Lucy silently growled at Flip as she searched for the remainder of her money. For good measure, Lucy decided to pull out the fake 2- and 1-dollar bills to hand to Flip, effectively leaving him with only $60.60.

When Lucy handed Flip her money, he told him, "Here you go. I'm not interested in your offer, so I hope this will cut it."

Feeling a little miffed, Flip decided to flip through his dollar bills, checking for any counterfeits. When Flip spotted the counterfeit $2 and $1 bills he handed to Lucy, he smirked, "Trying to swindle me, eh? Ya learn fast, kid. But that ain't gonna work. Woulda let it slide if ya wore the diapers like a good girl. But ya didn't do that. Full price," before handing the counterfeit $2 and $1 bills back to Lucy.

Lucy groaned, "Sigh," before digging through her bag for 3 legitimate $1 bills. She then handed said bills over to Flip, who accepted them in exchange for the diapers.

As Lucy walked away with the diapers, Flip smiled and waved, "Pleasure doin' business with ya," while giving a sly wink to Lucy. In response, Lucy rolled her eyes at Flip before walking out of Flip's Food and Fuel.

(Scene Change: Sweetwater Manor, Home Office)

The Sweetwater family, Melissa, and Lincoln nodded as an on-screen Lincoln wished the audience, "Godspeed, warriors," before the screen faded to black.

Brian remarked, "That came out great!"

Linda cheered, "It sure did, honey! Great work, everybody!"

Paige exhaled, "After watching that, even I want to go out and kick some Loud ass!" She then turned to Lincoln and smiled, "No offense, Linc."

Lincoln winked at Paige, "None taken."

Melissa then suggested, "Alright, now we can begin working on Luna's lowlight reel."

Lindsay yelled, "Stop talking and GET TO IT!"

Melissa laughed, "OK, OK, jeez! I mean, I get that video was powerful, but like you said, you can't be too eager!"

Everyone laughed before Brian noticing his phone buzzing. When Brian saw the caller ID, "Lynn," he muttered, "Here we go."

Lincoln whispered, "What does he want?"

Brian groaned, "It's your biological dad. STAY QUIET." Lincoln gulped in terror as Brian pressed the answer button.

Brian put the phone on speaker before sighing, "Yes, Lynn, what is it?"

Lynn Sr. told Brian, "Umm… hi, Mr. Sweetwater. I'm just gonna cut to the chase: we're broke. So, we've decided to sell more stuff that we don't need."

Brian knowingly asked, "Is it furniture?"

Lynn Sr. replied, "Yes."

Brian inquired, "What furniture are you guys selling?"

Lynn Sr. listed, "Oh, you know, a bed, some posters, a nightstand… and a coffin."

Brian asked in surprise, "A coffin? What would I do with a coffin, Lynn?"

Lynn Sr. explained, "Look, for old times' sake, can you help a colleague out?"

Brian stammered, "Uh… I'll think about it. To you and the rest of your family: don't call us, we'll call you."

Lynn Sr. replied, "Understood. Bye," before hanging up.

As Brian put down the phone, the Sweetwater kids, Lincoln, and Melissa hysterically laughed at the Loud family's plight.

Lindsay snickered, "Wow… you really did it, didn't you, dad?"

Brian chuckled, "Well… I had some help."

Melissa then sneered, "Don't celebrate just yet. Remember, Lisa's smart enough to have multiple bank accounts. She even told me how much crypto she had… it's obscene."

Brian asked, "H-how much?"

Melissa revealed, "Last time I talked to her about it… she said it was millions of US dollars."

The rest of the room gasped before Linda whispered to Brian, "Jesus."

Melissa sighed, "You got that right. But that was a couple of months ago, so things could have changed. Point is, if I know Lisa, the Louds are gonna have nothing to worry about as long as money can go into their main bank account."

Brian smirked, "Well, the boys and I should have that taken care of by tonight."

Melissa remembered, "Oh yeah. You guys said a simple account freeze wasn't going to work."

Brian then told Melissa, "Which reminds me… Melissa, I'm going to have to ask you to work on your laptop tonight. I'm gonna need the whole office for this one."

Melissa sighed, "Fine," before leading her friends out of the room, "Come on guys… I'll go get us some subs!"

Becky, Paige, Lincoln, and Lindsay cheered as they followed Melissa out of the room.

Brian and Linda laughed at the children's enthusiasm before Brian noticed his phone ringing again. When the two of them saw the caller ID, they joyfully chuckled before Brian pressed the answer button.

Brian chirped, "Hey, Carl! How's it going?"

Carl worriedly fretted, "Not good."

Brian asked, "Why? What's wrong?"

Carl sighed, "Bad news, Bri… we bankrupted a family with a baby. And from what Lori told Carol, they're running low on diapers."

Linda exclaimed, "Oh my god! That's terrible!"

Brian rolled his eyes, "They'd better not be lying about this."

Carl explained, "From what I heard, they're not. That's why I've gone to the Super Mart to pick up some diapers, baby formula, and other basic stuff for them, including food and water."

Brian worried, "O-OK, Carl. Well, I hope you know what you're doing, and come home safe!"

Carl chuckled, "I will. See ya, Bri."

Brian replied, "See ya, Carl," before hanging up.

Linda cried, "Brian, what are we going to do? A baby's involved in this mess!"

Brian sighed, "We've just got to hope the Louds don't reject Carl's gift. If they do… this could get ugly way faster than we wanted it to." He then suggested, "Look, why don't you check up on the kids and see if they need anything?"

Linda nodded, "You're right," before kissing Brian on the cheek and purring, "Good luck, honey!"

As Linda walked away, Brian took a split-second to watch Linda leave. Brian couldn't help but start to ogle Linda and grunt to himself, "Umf," making Linda stop in her tracks and giggle. Deciding to play along, Linda wiggled her hips to tease Brian before swaying them in an exaggerated motion as she walked out of the room.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Cemetery)

Bertrand told the Morticians Club, "OK, onto our first order of business: what we are going to do with Lucy on L-Day. Lucy admitted that her treatment of Lincoln was inhumane and wrong. While it was respectable of her to do, that still leaves us with a few changes we need to make to our plan. Since Lucy trusted us with her family's worst secrets, I suggest that we make a move to get her away from the school by inviting her to go grave-digging. Then, when she's distracted, we're going to knock her out with our gravedigging shovels before my parents drive her to where the others will be holding the rest of the Loud sisters, and the Loud parents themselves. And from there, we let the chips fall where they may."

Dante suggested, "Uh… I don't know about all that. What about we help her dig a grave, but it turns out to be her own? We'll still knock her out with the gravedigging shovels, but when she wakes up… if she does, she'll be buried alive. After we bury her alive, we sneak away and rejoin the other co-conspirators. The other Louds will be taken out, so even if Lucy somehow escapes, the townspeople will probably get rid of her long before we even see her. And if we happen to see her… we'll clearly have the numbers advantage."

Haiku sighed, "No. I'll dig Lucy's grave. Remember, we need to make this quick. If Lucy feels as guilty as I think she does over her shenanigans, she might even take us up on an invite to see it, because she'll feel a 'spiritual connection.'"

Haiku then took her gravedigging shovel and slowly walked away from the Morticians Club, sadly looking for a plot. The Morticians Club traded concerned glances before Persephone urged, "You can't do this to yourself, Haiku."

Haiku sighed, "I'll be fine, guys. Just help me find a vacant plot of land so we can start digging. I was Lucy's best friend. She told me about the 'luck' incident first, remember? It's only right I do the honors."

While Haiku didn't cry, the dreadful look on her face, her slumped posture, and her slow walking speed told the Morticians Club all they needed to know.

Boris asked the group, "Should we follow her?"

Morpheus sighed, "No, Boris. I think this is something Haiku needs to face on her own. Besides, we still have to 'investigate' who revealed Lucy's secret."

Bertrand nodded, "Right," before acknowledging, "Now, Morpheus, you seemed to point out an interesting person we could frame for cooperating in the revelation of Lucy's secret: Lola. This is compelling given the obvious, which is the locker being colored pink and Lola's 'pink princess' personality. It also helps to intensify the Sister Fight Protocol currently going on inside the Loud House. Please, Morpheus, come up to the stand and tell us more."

(Scene Change: Loud House)

Having finally returned to the Loud House, Lucy made the decision to drop the diapers off on the front porch and knock on the door. As Lucy walked up to the door, she heard Lynn Sr. say into the phone, "Hey, it's Lynn. Listen, if you guys need some furniture, I've got some you can…", before repeating, "Hello? Hello?"

After Lucy saw Lynn Sr. hang up, she heard him complain, "Dang it, that's the 80th rejection today!"

Luna groaned, "I know, dude! And what's with everybody saying that we're 'threatening' them by selling them a coffin? Lucy's spooky! Deal with it!"

Lynn Jr. scoffed, "Speaking of Lucy, how is it that even her friends' parents think we're selling Stinkoln's furniture? And even if that were the case, why are they so angry? I bet they love spooky, unlucky voodoo stuff… they should be thrilled that they're getting haunted furniture, or, whatever!"

Lori sighed, "Face it. Literally no one wants our furniture. And I've been texting all my friends."

Leni encouraged Lynn Sr., "Come on, keep trying! I bet somebody's bound to take the furniture!"

Lucy growled to herself as she heard her family diss her, but when she saw Lily, she realized her family needed her. She muttered to herself, "This feels so wrong… but Lily needs this. Lily needs me."

She then walked around the house to look for a vent big enough to shoot the diapers through. When Lucy found said vent, she tried opening it, only to find it deadbolted. Frantically, Lucy ran around the house to find 2 more vents big enough, only for both vents to also remain deadbolted.

As Lucy walked back to the front door in defeat, she murmured to herself, "Dang it."

To add insult to injury, Lisa opened the door and mocked Lucy, "Yes, grayscale sibling unit. I took the added security measure of deadbolting all the vents and other entryways to this house except the front and back door… which have locks."

Lucy's face fell before Lisa remarked, "However, I do notice the diapers you delivered to the front door. Even with our family's dire situation, I cannot risk jeopardizing the family's luck." She then called on her robot, "Todd?"

Todd immediately rolled down the steps and responded, "Yes, master?"

Lisa commanded Todd, "We have a bad luck object on the premises. Initiate order BL-66."

Todd's eyes turned red as he said, "Sequence BL-66 initiated."

However, at the last moment, Lisa noticed the sound of Lily crying after pooping in her diaper, and urged Todd, "Stand down!"

Knowing that it was too late to fully shut the robot's sequence down, Lisa adjusted the aim of the robot's lasers to be on a straight-line angle, resulting in a blast that burned the remains of the Crowley house to literal ashes.

As Lucy watched the remains of the Crowley house disintegrate, she muttered, "I should probably leave."

Lucy walked away as Lisa remarked, "For your own sake, you probably should."

After Lucy walked out of the Loud House premises, she looked over her shoulder to see her sisters glaring at her. Lola yelled, "Way to go, genius! NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"

Lynn Jr. offered, "I've got it," before proceeding to do her "Jinx, Jinx, Go Away," dance around the box of diapers. When Lynn Jr. finished the dance, she told the family, "There, now Lu-Curse's bad luck has been officially removed from the diapers."

Lola facepalmed, "No, not that! YOUR STUPID ROBOT FRIED A HOUSE, LISA!"

Lisa deadpanned, "Meh, just finishing what our fourth-eldest sibling unit started."

Lola admitted, "I suppose you're right, Lise."

Lisa then commanded, "Todd, please locate Lily and take this lucky box of diapers to her."

Todd immediately spazzed out, "Diaper box… bad luck… good luck… does not compute… diaper box… bad luck."

As Todd repeated his lines of code, Lisa immediately recognized what was happening and paled, "Oh no." She then urged her sisters and parents, "Quick, family units! Everyone outside! This thing's gonna blow!"

The rest of the Louds panicked and ran out the back door to the backyard as Lisa attempted to guide Todd a safe distance away from the Loud House itself. When Lisa guided Todd to a large, grassy patch on the Louds' front lawn, she immediately began to enter a command on her phone to shut Todd down. Unfortunately, as Lisa had foreseen, it was too late. Todd exploded into nuts and bolts scattered all across the Louds' and Mr. Grouse's front lawns, causing Lily to cry even more loudly than she already had.

When Mr. Grouse spotted Todd's nuts and bolts rolling into his backyard, he fumed, "Dang it, Louds! Ah well, my yard, my property!"

With none of the debris hitting either Lisa or the Louds, Lisa forlornly remarked, "Yet another one of my inventions explodes on me." She then walked to the back door of the Loud house and told her siblings, "Alright, guys… it's safe to go back in."

As the Louds walked back in, Lana asked Lisa, "So, what's the damage this time?"

Lisa told Lana, "Well, mudstain sibling unit, Todd exploded. This leaves me no other option but for you to assist me in equipping one of my other robots with the same technology."

Lana groaned, "Dang it."

Lisa sighed, "As unfortunate as that is, I believe we have more urgent matters at hand. Do you mind helping me carry the box of diapers on our front porch to the infant's sleeping quarters?"

Lana smiled, "You got it, Lise!", before she and Lisa walked to the front porch to pick up Lily's diapers.

Lynn Jr. offered, "And I'll go change Lily," before taking a crying Lily from Lori's arms and walking upstairs with her to go change her.

As Lisa, Lana, Lynn Jr., and Lily separated from their sisters, Luna sighed, "Wow, dudes. Lucy really did get Lily's diapers."

Lori agreed, "Yeah." She then sighed, "And to think, she spends money... our money… but still. After we throw her out of the house for being bad luck and make her eat turkey loaf with Colon Storm. I mean, she's still bad luck, but maybe we were literally too hard on her last night."

Lola yelled, "SHE STILL HAS THAT STUPID BOOK OF LINCOLN! SHE'S STILL BAD LUCK!"

Lori sighed, "I know… but… maybe the photos aren't the problem. Maybe… it's us. I would say think about it, but we literally don't have to. I mean, just look at where the Crowley house once stood."

Leni gasped, "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CROWLEY HOUSE?"

Luna informed Leni, "Luan burned it down, remember?"

Leni shrieked, "WHY?"

Luna sighed, "I don't know, sis. I don't know."

Luan joked, "Hey, don't blame me for a fire prank! Hahaha… YOUCH!", to which the rest of the Louds yelled at her, "NOT THE TIME, LUAN!"

Lori sighed, "I'll make dinner for everyone. If it's OK."

As the rest of the Louds scattered to their rooms, Lola replied, "OK. Just don't waste too much… you know, we need the money."

Lori groaned and shook her head before walking to the kitchen.

(Scene Change: Lynn Jr. and Lily's Room)

Lily babbled happily at Lynn Jr., "Wucy! Wucy!", as Lynn Jr. changed her baby sister's diapers.

Lynn Jr. laughed, "I know, Lily. Lucy got these diapers for you." She then sighed, "Poor girl. She's nothing like Stinkoln. He never thought to get supplies for you when we threw him out. Jerk wouldn't have done it anyway."

Lily happily babbled and clapped, "Wucy! Wucy!"

Lynn Jr. admitted, "I kind of feel like letting her in, but I just can't risk it with that unlucky photo album still on her. Still, she doesn't deserve to sleep in a doghouse, though."

Lily muttered, "Huh?"

Lynn Jr. told Lily, "When Lucy sees reason and gets rid of the book, I'll let her in. But she'll be on thin…umm… ice! Yeah, thin ice!"

Closing A/N: Some of the plot elements I have planned for next chapter were too big to fit in this one. I felt that the original idea I had for this chapter, which was a sole focus on the Louds coming to grips with their new financial situation and Lucy trying to help the Louds out, was too small. So, I decided to add some "tidbit updates" on the rest of the characters' situations here that I was intending on saving for later, as long as they made sense with my timeline. Ergo, all the cameos. I feel like I both advanced the Loud family's arc and created some setups for things to come.

A/N 2: For the explanation on the price of the diapers, first of all, I know Flip is a swindler. I looked up the highest price for a standard big box of diapers I could find on Amazon, which was around $60, and decided Flip would price the diapers at that rate here because… he's Flip. As for the final price, Michigan has a 6% sales tax rate. Flip doesn't pay this tax because of course he doesn't… why would he? Yeah… I hate Flip. I hope his behavior towards Lucy made that abundantly clear.

A/N 3: Yup… the Louds' insane "bad luck" logic doesn't even make sense to one of Lisa's robots. That's when you know you messed up.

Anyway, what will all this tension lead to? And where will Lucy go? Find out next chapter on… REVERSAL! OF! FORTUNE!