4 – Ian Johnson

Ivanovitch had been in the employ of the U.S.S.R. Johnny had been a ward of St. Barbara's. Shane had inherited his father's auto repair business. However, the Adelaide Assassin, aka the High Lama of Head Trauma, was completely and utterly self-employed. He relied on no one. He was far and away the most feared assassin on the Australian Continent, and for several continents around, too. Mr. Pine had never read his name in a court briefing, had never seen him on the news. The man's fame was through that most tenuous, yet powerful medium of all: word-of-mouth.

The phone box in the middle of the desert started ringing.

Mr. Johnson stopped polishing his rifle to stare at it in bewilderment. He looked around – would there be a sniper perched on a nearby mesa, waiting for him to answer like a shmuck? But no one, utterly no one was in sight.

The phone kept ringing.

Glancing around with the paranoia of a hawk, Johnson slowly approached the phone and answered it.

"'Ello?"

There was a silence on the other line. Mr. Johnson sighed. "Dad, if this is you again, I swear I'm going to…"

"Mr. Ian Johnson," said a cool, low female voice. It was not a question.

Johnson narrowed his eyes. "How do you know my name?"

"Mr. Johnson, I do not wish to alarm you in any way. I represent a powerful client who wishes to hire your services for an… indefinite amount of time."

"Is that right? Name 'im."

"Do you know Mr. Pine, of Noman Corporations?"

Johnson blinked. Who didn't know Noman Corporations? He'd been hired to pull a hit on Mr. Pine himself some years back, but at the last minute the hit had been cancelled. Too risky. The man was too powerful.

"Yes. What does he want with me?"

" He is recruiting, sir, for an elite army. He wishes to gather around him the best assassins in the world. He would like for you to join the ranks."

"Why don't he hire the Ayers Acid-breather? He's working underground and still the most lethal killer if you need a…"

"Mr. Pine is interested in strictly non-Super assassins. He would make this assignment well worth your while."

"And how much would that be?"

She named a sum.

Johnson had to grip the phone box very tightly for support. "Is – is that so?"

"Yes. Mr. Pine is also willing to negotiate a contract with sick days and holidays."

"What exactly do I have to do?"

"Kill people. And work with other assassins in order to kill more people. Does this prospect sound… unsavory?" Damn, that was a sultry voice. Johnson wondered if her looks matched her voice.

"It sounds… well, ma'am, it sounds very savory. Very. Er, how do I exactly…"

"Go to Sydney National Airport, Mr. Johnson. You will find a representative of ours waiting at the gate to escort you to Boston with a first-class ticket."

"But—"

"If you need time to get your things ready, by all means take that. We shall be ready whenever you arrive. There is no rush."

"Well… all right, then."

When he arrived at Syndey National Airport three hours later, there she was at the gate. White blonde hair. Figure with the proportions of a good bottle of wine – and she wasn't much bigger than that, either. Green cat eyes. Everything about her spelled 'danger' – except for the parts that spelled out 'babe.'

"Mr. Johnson?" she said smoothly, her voice curling into a question mark. "I'm glad to see you could make it. Let's check your bags in and then… be on our way." She smiled. Johnson grinned as he followed her.

Danger is fun.

Dear Mum,

You and Dad'll be glad to hear that I've found a new job. Mr. Pine of Noman Corporations – yes, THE Mr. Pine – has hired me for the Builders League United Enterprise, and he says that "My skills and experience make me a natural for the position." I'm to be paid a nice cushy salary and I'm staying in America now with a bunch of blokes. They're eccentric fellows, but there's one from Texas who's all right. I'll send a picture soon.

Your boy,

Ian

Hello again!

I've been keeping up with the Soldier and Demoman updates, so now I know such sundry details as their real names and more about their previous lives… but still, I wrote this story long before such updates, and I have reasons for all the names I gave to the classes, so the story stays the way it is. Just consider it as now officially AU, at least in a few details.

Thanks for reading! Do keep it up.