Captain Kirk would do anything for his crew, whether it was as simple as issuing shore leave, or as dire as offering himself as a sacrifice instead. Jim would do anything for his friends, he would be a shoulder to lean on, a wing man, a best man, or even fight someone to the death. And that was how he'd found himself facing off his friend, and first officer in the scorching sands of Vulcan.

How he kept getting into these situations – with Spock, no less – was beyond him. It turned out that knowing a Vulcan came with a learning curve, and just when Jim thought he had peeled away another layer, he was met by another, thicker, layer. Maybe Vulcans were related to ogres…they were both green – so to speak – and could be likened to onions.

The moment Jim had known that Spock was ill he'd dropped everything and gotten them to Spock's home planet quicker than you could say pon farr. Okay, maybe not that fast, but still, there was nothing he wouldn't do to ensure Spock's survival, even if that meant taking him to Vulcan to bond, fuck, marry some woman that he was apparently betrothed to.

Fortunately – yes, he knew it was selfish to think so – T'pring had decided that she loved another, and – quite rudely, if you asked Jim – cast Spock aside to deal with his fuck or die situation alone. Of course that's not quite how it went down, since rituals had to be observed, and because Jim always seemed to draw the short straw with these things, it was him that was chosen to fight Spock…to the death.

Was it wrong that fighting Spock felt like some kind of foreplay? Going off of the stiff alien erection he felt pressed against him as they rolled around in the sand, Spock thought so too. He knew that the Vulcan could definitely feel his returned desire poking him, and hoped to hell that either Spock was too out of his mind to remember later, or it led to them fucking like rabbits for the rest of their five year mission, extending to the rest of their lives afterwards.

Bones, being the only one still thinking with his upstairs brain, devised and executed a wonderful plan to – cock block him – end the fight without either man dying. Of course Spock hadn't known that Jim was only playing dead, which aided in selling the bit, and conveniently somehow quelled the blood fever as well.

Honestly, the whole damn thing was worth it just to hear, "Jim!" in the most joyous tone he had ever heard, accompanied by the biggest, most genuine smile he'd ever seen.

Jim's heart had skipped a beat, and then swelled to at least twice the size, attempting to contain the overwhelming, pure, unadulterated love he felt for the man in front of him. He basked in the brightness of that smile, allowing himself to have hope for those couple of magical minutes. And then the moment was over, the Vulcan mask came back down, expression sobering, voice returning to it's usual calm and collected manner.

Immediately Jim reprimanded himself. Pining over his first officer was one thing, but actually letting himself fall into hope's trap, that was a stupid, costly mistake on his part, and he paid the price.

Spock left not long after to apologise to Nurse Chapel for throwing soup at her, and then check on some things. Jim's smile walked out of the door with his first officer, and he sighed, turning to Bones, intending to give his farewell to the doctor and return to the bridge. McCoy had another idea however.

"Come on," Bones clapped Jim on the shoulder, "I'm putting you on medical leave for the rest of the day, doctor's orders."

Jim didn't even argue as Bones steered Jim toward the doctor's quarters, he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts, whether it was on the bridge or in his room, anyway. Spock's surprised exclamation was already on repeat in his mind, torturing his poor heart.

Bones motioned for Jim to sit down at the little two seater table, "So, that was quite the, uh, mission," he started, rummaging in a small cupboard.

Jim exhaled deeply, "Can safely say that I'm glad that one's over with," he scrubbed his face one handed, the other resting on the table top, "God, I hope you've got a full bottle of something stashed in here, I need a few stiff drinks."

"I bet you do," Bones responded, plonking two short glasses, and a near untouched bottle of dark amber liquid onto the table.

"Mhmm, pour a man a glass, would you?" he requested wearily, picking up a tumbler and holding it out to his friend. He didn't care what was in the bottle, he just wanted to be drunk, just wanted to spend one night not thinking about that damn Vulcan. Though, depending on how drunk he got, he'd probably end up in his quarters rubbing one out, thoughts back in the hot sands of Vulcan, before the night was over.

Once he'd filled both of their cups, Bones joined Jim at the table. They clinked glasses, the sound loud in the quiet room, and while Bones sipped at his, Jim took a longer drink. Watching his friend, the doctor causally inquired about the last thing Jim expected, "Tell me something…how long have you been in love with Spock?"

Jim almost choked on his drink, feeling the burn in his throat, "No, I'm no-uh, well..." he fumbled, so unprepared that he couldn't even lie properly, let alone convincingly, "Fuck," he cursed, quickly deflating, and buried his face in his free hand, "is it that obvious?"

"Jim, old boy, you are many things, but subtle is not one of them," Bones informed him, and funnily enough that didn't make him feel any better. "I mean I've had my suspicions before," he continued, "but...well, you don't grind a man into the dirt like that if you don't wanna fuck him. And I know you well enough to know that you don't just want to fuck the logic out of him."

Jim's eyes were wide, cheeks hot, stomach knotted, he was used to Bones speaking to him plainly, but he was not anywhere near drunk enough for this particular conversation. He knocked back the rest of his glass, and held it out to the doctor to refill as he spoke.

"Firstly, it was a fight Bones, to the death I might add, and in case you forgot, Spock is a lot stronger than I am. I was struggling just to stay alive," his friend didn't need to know that they were indeed damn near grinding their erections on each other while toiling in the sand.

Bones just nodded unconvincedly, "Mhmm, whatever you say, Jim, but I was there remember," he tapped the side of his head with his finger, bottle poised in his other hand.

Jim sighed, seeing that he wasn't going to persuade his friend otherwise, "Just pour me another drink, Doctor," he requested.

The tumblers were refilled, and while Jim drank thirstily from his, Bones just observed him, slight frown tugging down his lips, "You're not going to do anything about it either, are you?" he asked incredulously, though it felt more like an accusation than a question.

"I can't, Bones, it's against regulations," Jim reminded him defensively, but resigned himself to the real reason, "...and Spock...doesn't feel the same," he admitted, staring into the thin layer of liquid that was left in his glass before downing that too.

"How do you know that?" the doctor inquired, tone gentler as he topped up Jim's glass.

"I just do," he answered quietly, picking at a defect in the wood grain on the table top, "I know we're friends, have been for a long time, but he...he doesn't love me."

"What makes you so sure?" Bones challenged, and Jim recognised that look in his friend's eyes that said he wasn't going to leave it alone, "I have eyes, Jim, he stares at you just as much as you stare at him. He goes above and beyond to make your job easier, and accompanies you on away missions regardless of whether he's needed or not. For god sake, he even had a proper emotional reaction when he found you were alive after-"

"Because we used to fuck!" He barked, though he hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but Bones was persisting as the doctor usually did, and Jim was feeling a bit tipsy, and very sorry for himself.

"When-"

"At the academy," Jim told him more calmly, "we were friends, more than...in the physical sense at least, then he got posted on the Enterprise and that was the end of it, of us. It was too late though, I'd already fallen in love with him…broke my fucking heart to watch him leave," his fingers flexed and then clenched around his glass, bringing it to his lips, taking a long drink. When it clunked back on the table empty he continued, "and then years later they gave her to me…I thought I was over him, but the moment I laid eyes on those stupid pointy ears all of those feelings reignited. So, to answer your earlier question, Bones, I've been in love with Spock for a long, long time."

It almost felt nice to tell someone, to get it off his chest, but he was too busy drowning himself in self-pity to notice.

"I see," was all the doctor said before knocking back his own drink and then poured them both another taller round, two fingers worth was not enough this time. Only then did he open his mouth again, "You're not going to like my advice, but I'm going to give it anyway…"

Jim couldn't wait to hear what brilliant counsel the good doctor had for him, it was sure to be something revolutionary.

"Tell him," he finally advised.

"No."

"Jim," Bones was using his 'I know what I'm talking about and you should listen to me' voice, "it's the only way to know for sure. He could be feeling the exact same, thinking that you don't care for him in that way, just quietly pining like a lovesick puppy. It would only take one conversation," he pointed out, leaning back in his chair and extending his glass toward Jim, "Better to know than spend your life wishing for something you could've had all along…"

Jim shook his head, "It's not that simple, and there's so many things to consider, especially in the case of…rejection."

The doctor gave an exaggerated shrug, "Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you sit on your feelings. And, who knows what will happen when our five year mission ends, he might walk out of your life again…can you really afford to let that happen?" his eyebrows were raised, giving Jim a look that said he knew he was right, no matter how much the captain wanted to deny it.

The truthful answer was; no. It would kill him to watch the love of his life leave again, but that was a part of what scared him about telling Spock how he felt. What if the Vulcan didn't reciprocate at all, and then left because of Jim. Unfortunately, Bones was also right. He would regret not confessing to Spock at some point, but here, now, in the middle of their five year mission wasn't the time. So, maybe…what if…at the end…it would eliminate a whole heap of red tape…and…it was possible that Spock would…

"Fine…" Jim said slowly, stubbornly, "when our five year mission ends I'll talk to him about it then, but not before, unless of course some miracle happens and he brings it up first," Jim didn't need to warn the doctor not to say anything to Spock, he knew that this would stay between them. Admittedly, as painful as it was, he was grateful to have Bones to talk to.

Bones rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink, "I suppose that's better than nothing," he grumbled.

They sat in silence for a few moments until Jim murmured, "Thanks, Bones."

"Anytime, Jim," Bones returned. "You know, I half expected you to tell me yourself at some point, but I see I still gotta do everything myself," he teased lightly.

Jim cracked a half smile, "I thought you might laugh."

"Oh, I did…months ago…" the doctor deadpanned.

"You're such a good friend," Jim told him sarcastically.

McCoy's features softened into a grin, "I'm a great friend, and don't you forget it," he indicated toward the bottle of alcohol as if to prove his point.

Jim held his glass out and nodded, "I'll drink to that," and they did, most of the bottle in fact. Something that Jim was likely to regret in the morning, but that was tomorrow's problem.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Hey guys, a week is just so long, and I'm impatient XD so I hope you enjoyed your midweek update :D

We're at the half way point now! I just love these sorts of moments with Bones, and I love his and Jim's friendship.

Also, anyone catch the reference I slid in there? :P

See you next week, much love xox