thanks for the feedback guys! you are the best! warning: character death and a little graphicness. i really hope you guys like this. this chapter has been haunting me for weeks.
Moritz was so quick. Why did he have to be so quick?! I slammed my feet against the rocky path and scanned the distance looking for Moritz's slight figure. As the moon ducked behind a cloud my fear of the dark gripped me. I halted in my dash and whipped my head from side to side searching for yellow eyes. I tried to press my knees forward but my heart was beating too fast. A sudden gust of wind pushed me backwards but also skirted the clouds away from the moon, illuminating my path once again.
I doubled my efforts as I raced down the roads, trying with all my might to see even a bit of Moritz. My heart soared as a street lamp cast a merry glow down onto Moritz's wild hair. I slowed but he jumped back. I chuckled, I had never frightened anyone before.
"Ilse, you frightened me!" Moritz's voice was a wiry whisper. I looked to see Ilse stroll easily into the light. She was almost surreal with her long hair and bouquet of flowers. She smiled softly at Moritz and began to chatter away. I toyed with the idea of making my presence known but thought against it. Moritz and Ilse had always been good friends and I would be intruding on their reunion.
I sat down in a small squall of bushes and was completely intent on waiting until Ilse went on her way. I tried my best not to eaves drop but I couldn't help peering through the green leaves. I smiled. Moritz looked almost calm as Ilse told stories of their youth. Bitterness rose up in my throat. I had never once been invited to play pirates. The things she spoke so wistfully and fondly of had never been mine. Moritz's soft lips curved into a smile and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss her. I could tell Moritz liked Ilse, and Ilse was clearly interested in rekindling their friendship.
Time passed and I watched their conversation unfold like a picture. Both were made golden by the street lamp and Moritz looked more at peace than he had ever looked before. Just as I thought he was going to go skipping off into the distance with her he slipped his hand into his pocket. His body stiffened and the haunted look returned to his eyes.
" I wish I could. Virgil, remember..." He gripped his jacket tightly and his twitching started up again ten fold. Ilse frowned and tried in vain to convince him to come with her.
" By the time you wake up I will be lying on some garbage heap!" Ilse was near tears and far too late I realized she was heading straight for my hiding place. I jumped to my feet and back pedaled about twenty feet. Despite my dash she saw me and called out my name.
" Ernst, is that you? Of coarse its you! I would recognize those wide eyes anywhere!" Ilse ran up to my side, tears still in here eyes but a smile on her face. " How long have you been there? Why were you there?"
" Well I.... well if you must know... I ..." I couldn't explain my concern for Moritz so I simply gazed in his direction. Ilse's eyes widened and a knowing look washed away her smile.
" I see." I didn't know what Ilse saw but she took a few steps back. " You know I am not really surprised. You were always the most... sensitive. I am just surprised that you chose him." I gasped understanding Ilse's weighted words.
" Oh no, it is not what you think! Not at all!" My face turned a bright crimson which was noticeable even in the dark. Ilse laughed and put a hand on my shoulder. I wormed away from her touch.
" You don't have to explain anything to me. Do your parents know? Does he know? I guess the best question is does anyone know?" I gulped not knowing how to answer her. Nobody knew anything about anything and of that I was sure. I didn't know anything, Melchie didn't know anything and everyone seemed content with ignorance.
" I have heard a whisper, Ernst. A whisper of your father. Does he hit you?" I wondered how somebody who didn't even live in the community knew about my father but then I remembered that she was Ilse and had her ways of knowing. This was something I could answer. I solemnly nodded my head. " You should come to the artist colony with me. There are people there like you. They would just love you there." The way she said love made my fingers shake. She brought her hand up to my face. " you are so frail."
I was breakable. I new that if anyone wanted to they could snap me in two and yet ,some how, I managed to stay whole. Frail as I may be I am certainly stronger than what I had thought. Ilse tried to grab my hand to lead me in some unknown direction but I knew that I didn't want to go anywhere. I had lived here my whole life, and survived my whole life. I began to feel stronger as Ilse looked at me with confusion pressing her eyebrows together.
" Well are you com..." A loud shot rang out shattering the nights pristine silence and causing Ilse's mouth to hang open. My mind froze but thawed in a split second.
" Moritz..." His name slipped out from my lips in a lucid dream like slur. Ilse's eyes locked onto mine and she grabbed my hand.
" Don't go. Please don't leave me. Ernst, come with me, things will be so lovely." Her face held a twisted pain and a fake joy causing it to turn into a frightening grin. She tugged at my hand and I pulled sharply away. I ran back to where the shot had split the night. " Please let all fade!" Ilse's voice chased after me as I tripped over my feet.
My mind and eyes blurred as all thought escaped me. Nothing felt real and my senses had dulled to a mind blowing numbness. Each step felt like floating until I reached a few feet from the lamp post.
Moritz lay sprawled on the ground; Ilse's flowers in one hand and a smiling pistol in the other. He could have been sleeping if it weren't for the halo of pooling scarlet blood soaking his unruly curls. The world had fallen into a peaceful silence and I waited for my friend, my brother, to sit up and begin his nervous twitch. For each moment that my heart let out a shuddering beat I took a step closer. He was sleeping. He always fell asleep in class, why not here? His cheeks were pink in the lamp light and his lips held an innocent smile. I should wake him, it is the only right thing to do. I hovered above his body feeling every nerve in my body loosen itself and rip me with pain.
" Moritz." I crumpled to the ground and pulled him close to my chest. He was mine and I wouldn't let him go. As I had picked him up his eyelids slipped slightly open. The innocent eyes of the slaughtered rabbits stared back at me.
" They say you go blind." I gently brushed his eyes closed as my voice cracked in ragged sobs. " Don't go. Please. You can't leave me. You can't!" I pulled him tighter into a hug and tried to keep his spirit from leaving his body by wrapping my arms around him. He was so simple in this state. No nervous tic or shifting eyes. " Moritz, you have to say something! I know you can hear me." I held fast to the belief that he could and I continued to talk to him. " I'm sorry. I'm sorry I am sorry I am sorry!" I shook my head throwing silver tears in all directions that landed like diamonds on the road. I held him because I knew that once the sun rose I would never be able to again.
" Your still with me now. God, you feel so good in my arms." He was solid and still warm and everything was good except for the spark of life that had gone from him. Can this be happening? I didn't even know what this was. I moaned trying to some way relieve the roaring pressure that had began building in my chest. The moan turned into a cry and then a sob and then a wail. I shoved my face into Moritz's chest. I pounded my tiny fists against his shoulders.
" You didn't say good bye! You left me and didn't say goodbye. You didn't say goodbye!" I screamed and his red stained shirt muffled my screams so they sounded like heart beats in my ears. I screamed louder trying to shout my voice into his chest and pump his heart back into life. I kicked my feet and bit my lip so hard it bled. A pair of hands grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away from Moritz. I blindly hit and pushed. Moritz was still there lying on the ground examining the stars with unseeing eyes.
" He's gone!" A hand smacked my face " Get away from him!" Blackness rimmed my vision as I saw a sea of faces pool and wave before me. Everything was bright and all their features were sharp and crooked. Not a single comforting familiar face could be sought out in the ocean of shoving hands and screeching lips. The blind and rude hands pushed me from all sides and pulled me away. The sea dragged me out leaving Moritz stranded on the island of light created by the lamppost. I bobbed amongst the hands, gasping for breath. I was drowning in the air and strong arms held me back. Hanschen's swimming lesson came to mind and I tried to let the sea of hands work for me. Instead of bringing me back to Moritz they limply tossed me to a distant shore. With an echoing gasp I went under and blackness, blessed numbness, stole my vision away.
***
I awoke with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and mama's face pressed close.
" Oh sweet, praise heaven you are alright!" she strangled me in a hug and I let her. Bewilderment fogged my mind as the ground shifted and I swayed with it. " Now darling don't move. You have suffered quite a shock." Her words were rubbery in my mind and I tried to chew them over.
" Shock? What shock?" People stood mulling around speaking in low whispers. Some girls stood huddled and shivering, their mama's roughly shielding them from something. In the distance I heard Melchior's voice shouting out.
" You had to hammer out all the weakness, didn't you?! Every little bit! Just so you could go living on blindly and exploiting your raw military material!" His rant broke into unbearable sobs and I covered my ears to block out the sound.
The scene was amazingly different with out sound. Everything looked the same. Wide eyes stared at a single spot on the ground. A large circle of red sat undisturbed as if the sky had rained blood and a puddle stood as proof.
All at once the sky let loose and rain fell to earth. With the rain, so too came my memories. Moritz had died. I had held him close and pulled his soul down but it wasn't enough. He was gone and I was the only one left behind with the imprint of his lips left on mine. I brought my hand up to feel where he had connected with me so briefly. I retracted and looked at my hands. Glaring back at me were two red palms. My intimacy had been marked by Moritz's blood and now all could see it.
The men's whispers flooded into my ears. All of them gossiped like old hens and their stupid chatter in the face of death infuriated me. I screamed and kicked my feet as if I were five again.
" Make them stop. Please!" I begged mama but she just gaped at my childish display. The whispers were driving me mad and spurred me into tears. A few eyes turned towards me and a sob lodged in my throat, unable to explode and break the night air once again. All these eyes but no one had been looking out for Moritz. Mama stood up worried by the gagging noises that gurgled out and tried to dislodge the scream. She ran to fetch a doctor but he was busy with other things.
I rocked on my feet pressing my hands against my ears trying to stop the words of the people. A dainty hand was placed on my back. I turned to see the face of Wendla. She had tears in her eyes and slipped her hands over mine. She gently pulled them away from my ears. She wrapped her arms around my neck and the pressure let the sob fly free. I cried into Wendla's shoulder as the rain tumbled down and soaked us to the skin. She pressed her cool forehead to mine and cried silently along with me.
We sat huddled close together, tears mixing with the falling rain. She held her forehead against mine blocking the twisting world and whispering words. Soon another head joined our embrace. Melchior wrapped his strong arms around both of us and pushed his head in. we sat shielding each other from the world and only allowing focus to stay on our hair gently brushing and dripping in the rain.
Thunder rumbled in the distance and the clouds parted to reveal a single star glinting lividly in the sky. I prayed on that single star for the strength to escape the darkness. The star didn't reply but our arms squeezed tighter as another rumble rocked the sky. The earth and weather continued on but for a moment Wendla, Melchior and I had our own world and with Moritz gone it stopped spinning.
NOTE: so there it is. if you never review me again its ok as long as you reveiw this chapter. the story isn't over yet ( i would never end on such a downer) but i really hope i got everything right. reviews are amazing and motivate me that much more to get the next chapter out. thanks a million :)