I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
Rated M for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.
A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight anything. ;___;
Thank you to ToxicValentine for being the best beta ever! And thanks for the reviews. =D
Beta means changes like from past to present tense. I'm gonna be changing the first chapter but I thought you'd like an update instead of a revised chapter. XD
This one is a little short but be prepared for epic longness in chapters 3 (which I have already started) and 4. =]
Faster update? Like in less than a week? Review and we'll see. Oh yes, I know I'm bad. ;D
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Bella slams her lunch on the table and then reaches down and pinches me on the thigh, dangerously close to the goods. As you can probably already tell, I am all for girls touching me down there but I'm not really into kinky bondage shit so this is a definite dislike.
"Bella what the fuck?!" I squeal, moving my hands to protect Lil Jazzy because I know he will be the next victim. Most of the time Bella is on my side, no matter what crazy, stupid thing I do. Like setting a fire in the girl's locker room so the sprinklers went off - I didn't really plan for them to go off in the entire school building, I swear - and we had an unwanted, yet amazing, wet t-shirt contest as they ran outside. Or convincing her to smoke some weed which made her horrendously sick. And then there's me constantly verbally tormenting her car - my favorite is "when someone presses your goddamn break that means stop you stupid metal bitch!" - and so forth. Therefore, I am confused since I have not done anything major this week. Yet.
"You fucking scared him away you stupid dumb-ass." I blink and frown. Who's he? Is she talking about Mike? (Since he is really the only guy I mess with). Please God don't let her like Mike, now. Seriously, we can never get along. He'll never like me after all those times I hit him (in the face) and shoved him and put ants in his jock strap. I will probably end up stealing on of Charlie's guns and shooting him before he was ever Bella's official BF.
"Who?" I ask timidly, afraid of the name that is to come.
"Edward!"
There is a moment here, dear ladies and gentleman, where Jasper Whitlock is officially speechless for the first time in seventeen years.
"What?" What? The guy I talked to for like less than thirty seconds? The guy who looked like he wanted to kill me? Despite my swollen ego, even I don't think I could actually frighten another guy with a few sentences of half-ass insults. Maybe it was because I called him a fuck toy.
Tyler is just as confused as I am. Usually they kick me in the balls before they run away. "The new kid? The one you were lusting after?"
"I never finished that assignment, by the way," I remind her, stuffing my mouth with chips courtesy of her lunch bag.
She glares at us both but I'm the only one who has to endure a punch to the shoulder because Tyler escapes the physical pain since she can't reach. Tomorrow I'm sitting next to Jessica, or in her lap - I haven't decided yet.
"Yes, after Biology I saw him running into the woods. Now it's lunch and he hasn't come back. He skipped Gym, Cal and American History." Woah. Wait what? It disturbs me that Bella knows his schedule already, more than the fact that he was running away. I still don't even know my own schedule and school started a month ago. If I were him, and every girl in Forks was horny and throwing herself at me I'd run awa- No wait. No I wouldn't.
"Huh? Seriously?"
"Yes! And it's all your fault!" She is too fast and has my nipple through my shirt before I know it. And twists. Hard.
"Ow! FUCK BELLA stop it!"
"I hate you!"
Tyler laughs, "What did you say to him?" He seems to be thoroughly enjoying my pain and he always thinks everything is my fault - and he is right 99.98% of the time.
"Nothing." I can't help it - default Jasper always lies to cover his ass.
"He said he'd 'kick his ass if he tried to get into my pants'." I glare at her. Gee, thanks Bella for sticking up for me. Next time Mike corners you don't expect me to keep that slime-ball from shoving his hands up your shirt. She waves her water bottle in my face and growls, "You're supposed to protect me from Mike, not a hot new guy who by some miracle picks me as his lab partner!"
"How do you know he picked you? I was sitting there too, you know," I grumble, rubbing at my throbbing chest - thank God I never got that nipple ring. There is this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something that I never felt before. Oh yes, guilt. I didn't mean to make him cry or anything. I was joking for God's sake! Well, I am serious about the ass kicking part. And anyway, any kid who skips school because one jerk is rude to him is a pathetic wuss if you ask me. Bella attacks her food and the table falls silent for a few minutes - if you could ignore Tyler whispering dirty things to Angela, that is.
Jessica broke the tension since, like always, she has something pointless to say.
"My mom is driving me up to UW this weekend to do a tour of the campus, you guys wanna come?" Bella is nodding eagerly, seemingly no longer interested in murdering me and Tyler and I look at each other, a silent 'hell no' hanging in the air between us. The only reason I'll go is if there's sex involved. If Jessica's mother wasn't tagging along, I'll jump at the chance because Bella could drive the car while Jess and I make out in the back seat. All of a sudden I am very interested in college and the sexy co-eds who I am sure will flock to Casanova Jasper Whitlock like maggots to a carcass.
I can't really afford college just like the US economy can't afford another failure (oooohh burn). No really. And I have a really low chance of getting in since my grades are barely average, I have a rap sheet the length of Alice's planned wedding dress train and I have no clue what sort of use I can be to the world. Unless we need someone to test the sexual stamina of supermodels or see how many chips they can eat before they puke. I cringe every time Jessica goes on and on about how cheap UW is. You know what I could buy with tuition money? A FUCKING HOUSE DUDE. Well, a crappy house. But hey, at least I will be paying for a thing instead of a a piece of paper that will probably not get you a job. My mom doesn't like giving me lunch money, how am I going to convince her to give me thousands of dollars when we all know I'll just fuck up and get kicked out?
I once had a talk with Carlisle about my "future". Before we talked he assured me that when he said future, he did not mean what girl I would target this weekend for 'study time'.
We were walking around on the Cullen Estate because Carlisle is all into this nature shit and likes looking at birds and dragging me along. Despite the fact that I hate outside and it was freezing and drippy and gross, I went anyway. He was having a bad day since a few kids had died in this huge school bus accident and he was upset he couldn't save them. I like Carlisle and me time, something I don't really do with my dad. I think Carlisle likes it 'cause he's stuck with the spawn of the devil, Alice. A guy's gotta talk to someone sane every once and a while, right?
Somehow we got on the subject of college. And believe me, I didn't bring it up on purpose.
"I can't afford it, Carlisle."
"Jasper, I've known you since you were a baby," he started laughing, "Since your wittle willy was this big," he said, pointing to his pinky finger.
"Carlisle!!" I did a U-turn and started back to the house while he was laughing at his stupid little embarrassing as hell joke. He grabbed me by the hood and choked out a quick sorry in-between laughs. I huffed and pouted for a little while but kept walking with him. Carlisle had actually delivered me since my mother was Esme's best friend and had been over at their house when she had gone into labor. He was a scared kid, fresh out of med school, with only a few days in the OBGYN unit during rotations as a guide. Man, I could have gotten strangled by my own umbilical chord because of a newb! Then all women would be deprived of this. And let me tell you, it's much much much bigger than a pinky finger now.
"And right when you came out, you know what I thought?"
"No," I lied, even though I had memorized his whole spiel.
"I thought that I would always be there for you and your mother. You know, money is not a problem for us. I guess now you're old enough for me to tell you that Esme and I set up a college fund for you a few days after you were born."
"Wha-?"
"Your mother resisted, of course. I think that's where you got your stubbornness from. But she hadn't married your father yet and didn't have a job. Esme and I had just got married and came into some money after her mother died so we decided to put it away for a good cause." He put his hand on my shoulder and I was torn between feeling thankful and embarrassed.
"Last time I checked, there was around a hundred thousand dollars..."
"What! Carlisle no, I can't take that. I can get a job or something or...."
He had this look on his face. The 'don't fucking try to say no to me because I have already made up my mind that you will be taking this money' face.
"So don't think college is not an option Jasper."
"I think Yale's an option, Jasper...." She snaps her fingers in front of my face and her voice breaks through my thoughts, "Hey, are you listening to me? Oh! That reminds me."
She hands me a stack of applications and brochures and I want to start laughing but smart Jasper keeps his mouth shut.
"I did all the research for you. They all have really good English programs and they're the same places I'm applying to so maybe we can stick together." Bella has a hopeful look on her face. The last time she had tried this I screamed some bull shit I had learned from the poetry addicts up in Seattle about how college was constraining and yadda yadda at her and didn't talk to her for a week.
"Thanks, Bella." I'm embarrassed she is doing this in front of everyone. We're only juniors but everyone had been bitten by the college bug already while a denial mosquito ate up my ass. Graduation wasn't coming up. It couldn't be. I wanted to stay a junior forever - fuck the senior girls, party on the weekends and copy Bella's homework on Sundays. I don't want responsibility or a degree and tuition payments. And I most certainly don't want to be a grown up.
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After a week with no Edward, Bella got fed up and forced me to go apologize to him. I never agreed to it but she was driving me home, well supposed to be anyway, and just took me to the Cullen's house instead, shoved me out of her truck and drove off. Their house is a good ten miles away from mine so I had no choice but to go inside and hope Esme would give me a ride later. Fortunately, the door opens before I'm even in front of it.
"Jasper!" Esme has me in a bone crushing, sweet smelling, amazing hug as soon as I step inside.
"I just came to talk to Edward. We're in the same Biology class and he's been gone..."
She got a strange look on her face, as if she knew something that I didn't and maybe thought that I knew it too. "He's having some trouble adjusting. Would you like to stay for dinner?" Good move. Change the subject to food. Jasper is officially distracted. I hesitate and she takes that moment to make the offer irresistible. "I'm making your favorite, lasagna with lots and lots of ricotta." All I can manage is a dopey grin because she knows and I know that I will not say no to her lasagna, not even for a chance to see Megan Fox naked. "Be down by 6, yes?"
"Yes, ma'am."
She is always nice to me and she is always on my side when I get in trouble and Carlisle wants to tell my parents. I know it's a really shitty thing to say but most of the time I wish Esme was my mom. She was the one who came to school when I got sent to the principal and she made me food and gave me girl advice. Isn't she really already my mother?
As soon as I get to the top of the stairs, the spawn of the devil moves in for the kill.
"Oh look, it's the self proclaimed man-whore of Fork's High. Did you come here to rape me and add me to your list of conquests?"
I hate Alice. And I think she hates me. But she did try to kiss me last year so I am confused about our status. Most of the time she just insults or hits me. It hadn't really gotten bad until a few weeks ago when she suddenly turned into a major bitchy Cruella de Ville. And I promise I hadn't done anything to her - this time. Alice is weird. She likes dressing all girly but she has this dark side where she says she can "predict the future" and all that witchcraft mumbo jumbo. Of course she only likes saying the bad things like someone's gonna get crushed by a bus or someone's gonna microwave a baby.
I won't put up with a lowly sophomore spreading rumors about me and that's why we fight all the time. Alice went so far as to say I was gonna make out with Mike Newton of all people! Can I please get a big fucking oh hells to the fucking no on that? I mean, I am all for the pride. Yay for being gay! Hooray for butt sex! But me kissing a guy is like Obama making out with his grandma. No, just no.
"Sorry, Alice. You're not pretty enough. I actually came to see Edward. He's more my type."
Something just snaps. She is angry. Did she just fucking growl? I am scared she is going to actually really hurt me and I open my big mouth to say sorry when she lets out a frustrated sigh, shoves me out of the way, and goes into her room, slamming the door so hard the frame shakes.
I knock on his bedroom door and suddenly feel kinda nervous. What if he made friends with Emmett and that bear is waiting for me behind the door ready to rip my throat out with his bare hands? I think the only thing that can slow him down is an elephant, and even then I'd bet my money on Emmett to win. Or what if he had a fucking knife? This would not be the first time one of the Cullen's kids turned out to be a psycho and they had to take them back. I can barely stand to think about Victoria who 'accidently' broke my leg when I was twelve by shoving me down the basement stairs. She then locked the door and I was stuck down there for an entire day before Carlisle found me.
"Um....Edward? It's uh...me...Jasper. Um. Bella's friend."
I can hear him shuffling around. He is probably loading his weapon. I wouldn't mind getting shot, to be honest. That is a badass way to go.
"I just wanted to talk to you about last week...."
Still nothing. Oh well, I can tell Bella I tried and it failed and Edward is definitely off in the head. I am used to her forming a nearly stalker-like obsession with weird boys. She had a crush on that Jacob Black kid, which could be considered pedophilia since he is way younger than us. He kept going on about being a wolf when we got him drunk on homecoming. And then there's Mike. He wouldn't be all over her if she hadn't made out with him last Halloween. Apparently to him, she is in love with him and is too scared to admit it even though she was so shit-faced drunk I had to peel her off of him and ended up carrying her on my back to her house. I had to sneak past Charlie who was waiting in the living room with a beer and his gun. She still owes me for that.
The door swings open and nearly hits me in the face. There is a snarl, cold fingers grip the font of my shirt and yank me forward into the room where I stop suddenly completely terrified three inches away from Edward's furious face.
Oh fuck my life.
A/N: ILY so review!
Coming up: Charlie's sex life, a closet door breaks, Jasper's thoughts about boobies.
(oh lawrd what on earth does she mean by that? ;D)