I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
Rated M for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.
A/N: if there is a a (number) next to something that means there's a link in my profile.
Things are starting to get a little complicated so I am working on a huge ass character map/family tree thing that will show all the relationships and secret stuff and whatnot. I'll be posting that a few...dozen chapters in.
THANKS TO MY AWESOME BETA.
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He closes the door with his free hand and lets me go almost immediately. I think it's safe to say that I nearly shit my pants.
"Sorry, I was just putting on a show for Alice. She hates you and I don't want to be her next victim so..."
"A-Alice?" I feel like my heart's gonna explode 'cause I thought, know you, he was going to kill me! Edward is deadly. My motto is: it's the quiet ones you have to worry about. The trash talkers like me are really wimps when we're not running our mouths. The only reason I can get away with it with Mike is 'cause he's scared of me. If he grabbed Sam or one of his buddies and tag-teamed me, I'd go down like a screaming girl.
"She was spying on us from her bedroom door. Didn't you notice?" I lean against the wall and take a deep breath. It's kinda funny. I'm so used to doing the ass kicking and yet I can't handle Edward grabbing my shirt? He is hovering in the middle of the room, peering at me curiously. "Are you okay?"
I shrug and try to act like I wasn't just scared shitless a minute ago. "I-I just need to catch my breath...for a sec...." He gives me a few seconds, staring at me with that creepy half smile.
"Why are you here?" I think there was something hopeful in his voice. Maybe he thought I came here to beat him up and obviously changed my mind.
"Bella ditched me. She wants me to apologize to you."
"Why?"
"Well, you haven't been in school and Bella thought I scared you away or something. She saw you bolt into the woods..."
He gets this curious look on his face and then frowns.
"What did she say exactly? Did she see anything?" Uh what? Now that I think about it more....What would I be doing out in the woods during school? The bathrooms aren't really private and the janitor's closets are always locked (believe me, I try). I bet he was out in the woods fapping. Maybe the poor guy just couldn't hold his load with all the female sexual tension aimed at him. No matter, I do not want to know, or need to know, anything about the ummm business Edward has to take care of.
"No...? I don't think so...I mean, that would be kinda creepy..."
He grins and I swear I hear a sigh of relief. "No. You just reminded me of someone I know. He helped me out a lot and his family has abandoned him.... "
"Oh..." Okay, this is getting creepy. From the look on his face, Edward knows that I know what he's talking about. Is that a smug grin on his ugly ass face? I think now's a good time to go downstairs and help Esme with whatever women do in the kitchen. Hell, I'll even go and talk to Alice to avoid what I know is coming. "So yeah I'm gonna just-"
"Do you know a guy named James?"
The room is suddenly excruciatingly quiet and I'm holding my breath pretending I didn't hear him right but he had this accusing look in his eyes.
I'm trapped so here goes nothing. I have a brother named James, he's way older than me. Four years ago he got arrested and went on trial for the murders and disappearances of seven girls in the Port Angeles. But there wasn't any evidence so he ended up behind found guilty for only one count of assault with a deadly weapon. My parents made me sit through the whole trial with them and my Mom's illness got really bad, especially when this girl testified and half her face was mangled. It reminded her of Emily and she freaked out and they had to call a recess and take her to the hospital. I even testified and the prosecutor said that could have been what got James sentenced to five years in jail. He only served two, though, and ever since he was released I made up stories about how he died in a car accident so people don't ask me about him. I like to pretend that it never happened but of course Edward the douche has to bring it up.
I think I nod.
"James Whitlock? He is a friend of mine and he was always talking about his little brother, Jasper."
James is the Joker and I'm Batman, I helped them put him in jail...I never visited him and my parents don't even mention him anymore so it's as if he never existed. I visited him once right after sentencing and he told me to go away and never talk to him again because he was a monster so I haven't seen him since. I'm jealous that Edward spends time with James. But he's been out for like two years now so he could have come home, even though I probably wouldn't talk to him. It's easier to hate him. Maybe that's why I fight. I can't feel the burning pain in my chest over the rush of adrenaline and stinging fists
"He would like that you'd give him a chance to explain-"
"We have a phone at home. He could call if he wanted to talk to me." My voice sounds nastier than I intend. "He's a murderer, Edward. He killed seven girls!"
"He was found guilty of assault."
"Because they didn't have enough evidence. Or all of the bodies. No victims to fucking testify because they're all dead!"
"There is more to it-"
"I saw him with one of the girls before she vanished! I knew her. How do you know him anyway?"
"I met him after he was released. Carlisle suggested-"
"What? Carlisle is in on this? What the fuck?" I was tired of them doing shit behind my back. First college and now talking with my murderer brother? Why is he even still in touch with James, anyway? He told my mother that he was sorry about James and would do whatever he could to help us. This wasn't helping. At all.
"He suggested that he could....help me with some things."
"Help you with what? Raping girls?"
"I would be happy to talk to you about it when you're not being a jackass," he snaps. After a few moments of us glaring at each other he sighs and walks to his bed. He digs in a bag and I suddenly realize everything except for his books are still in boxes and there was stuff all over the bed. He has been here for at least a week and a half and he still hasn't unpacked? "He wanted me to give this to you."
I am trying my best to seem intimidating but it doesn't seem to be working. I channel my 'bad cop' persona, cross my arms and glare accusingly. "How would he know you were coming here?"
"I've known Carlisle and Esme for a long time. It wasn't a hard choice to decide to come live with them."
"I don't want it."
"Just take it."
"I. Don't. Want. It." I put my hands on my hips and ignore him as he holds out the envelope to me. I see his hand is shaking and I remember what I thought earlier about him being psycho and I realize I'm alone with an unstable guy who is friends with a murderer. That black suitcase in the corner looks like it could hold a shotgun so maybe I should play along...
"Stop acting like a child. You don't even have to read it."
"Fine." I snatch it from him. "You are so fucking annoying. You're telling Bella on Monday that I said sorry and you're eating lunch with us." Now I sound like a five year old. Way to go, Jazz. You totally told him who's boss, now drink the rest of your juice box and let's try potty training again.
"I think I can manage that, Mr. Whitlock."
I snort, crumpling up the envelope and shove it into my pocket. That's when I see it. The entire room is like a library and there is a huge ass bookcase all the way up to the ceiling filled with books. Want. Me want bad. Even though mine is better, of course. You can't walk three feet into my room without running into a pile of books or some of my old poetry journals or a bazillion scraps of paper. I am hardcore, man. When I said I wrote poetry, I fucking meant it, homie. I am so drooling over his books and he notices, unfortunately.
"You can borrow something if you want." It was a peace offering and I was going to say no but I couldn't help it!
"Oh, well maybe," I say, trying to sound disinterested when the little Jasper in my head is squealing like he's suddenly grown a pussy. I settle on Ginsberg (1) even though I've read all his shit a million times. I guess Edward likes this cause it gives me an excuse to talk to him again so he can try his creepy James' cult magic on me again, even though Esme's cooking is more than enough to get me living at the Cullen's house. Edward is so weird.
I decide not to stay for dinner just 'cause I don't think I can stand being at the same table with Alice and Edward. Esme makes me bring leftovers and gives me a ride home. When I see my house I almost cry because I wanna stay with Esme and Carlisle forever - minus Alice.
My dad's getting into his truck when Esme pulls away and I take a deep breath and put on a fake smile as I peer into the car. "You're leaving already?"
"Yeah, I gotta get this shipment down to Houston." He closes the door and pulls on his seatbelt. I notice his hair is getting gray at the temples and it just reminds me that next year I'm gonna be an adult. "And then I'm gonna try to pick up a leg to North Carolina. Rick's still recovering and I think I can snag his route." Uncle Rick (every adult other than my parents get stuck with the uncle or aunt label) got hurt over at the truck stop a few days ago. My dad says its like sharks in guppy infested waters when a route opens up. I just kinda wished he could work somewhere here at home so I won't forget what he looks like.
"Is mom okay?"
"She's acting a little weird, tryin' to make dinner." I make a face and he laughs and pulls out of the driveway. Mom's dinners are like bowls of rancid acid with little bits of meat in it. Once again I'm thankful Esme feeds me, otherwise I'd have starved to death by now. I put the leftovers on my dresser and shove James' note in my nightstand before I go and find my mom.
"Hey, Mom?"
She's standing in the kitchen with her back to me, humming quietly. If it didn't look like a tsunami had raped our kitchen I would say it was a nice little moment. All of the pots we owned were either on the floor or in the sink, caked with unknown substances. There's some sort of sticky residue on the island and my mom has powder all over her hair.
When she isn't having one of her episodes my mother is beautiful. She's really from La Push and, unfortunately, I got the uber pale blonde nazi look from my dad while she has long black hair, tanned skin and big brown eyes. I think she could be a supermodel and whenever I tell her that she laughs and tells me not to lie (but I know secretly she likes it). My family life is complicated so take a deep breath 'cause I'm about to bitch slap your brain with some crazy ass soap opera shit.
My mom is an Quileute and her brother is Joshua Uley so that makes Sam the bastard my cousin. She used to work at a diner or somewhere in Forks and that's how she met my dad. A little while after that, she started doing her weird loony stuff but my dad still loved her so they had me and then they got married. Two years ago my dad confessed that he had slept with Sue Clearwater before he and my mom got married but after I was born (that jackass) and when James was five, and that Leah was actually our half little sister. He only spilled the beans because she had a scare with cancer and might have needed relatives to test for donating something. She miraculously got better though and that's when my Dad started driving trucks and now my Mom goes to The Rez all the time because for some odd reason she thinks Leah and I should talk. We always go visit my uncle Josh, and when I'm not getting my ass kicked by Sam, Emily makes us food and tries to convince Leah to come over but she never does.
And you know what else is weird? Billy Black keeps trying to have a "talk" with me. Jacob always comes to bug me to come talk to his dad about some Quileute gang shit. Sam is like...the leader but Jake is supposed to be but he's not. Anyway, Jake keeps saying they can have a vote and make Sam go away if a certain male Uley (even a half Uley), who is, oh right, ME, joins them or some bull like that but I don't really care and I don't really get why I have to be a part of this.
There is a huge crash as the pan she had been filling with food slipped and crashed to the floor. "Fuck," she mutters which makes me wince. I try to not get in the way but sooner or later I'm gonna have to let her know I'm home otherwise she might think I'm a burglar later on tonight and try to kill me.
"Mom?" I step over a frying pan and freeze as she screams at me.
"Get away from me!" She whirls around, gripping a knife in her right hand.
"Mom!"
"Oh, Jasper. It's you. I thought it was..." She quickly drops the knife in the sink and wipes her hand on the apron she is wearing, smearing some brown stuff all over it. "I'm sorry, honey. Are you hungry? I'm making dinner."
"I um..." Do I lie? She doesn't give me a chance to think one up since she's already talking again.
"It's just with your Dad leaving I'm scared about money and making sure you've got enough food. You do have enough food, right? Is lunch at school okay?" I want to lie and say yes everything was dandy, but I can't. Between Bella, Esme and Tyler I always had a hot meal every night, at someone else's house. "Maybe...maybe you could eat at Esme's, I'm sure she loves feeding you."
"You could come too, Mom, she misses you."
"No...no not until I get back on the medication. I went to the free clinic today and Joyce said she'll try to find us a better medical plan." I get ballsy and walk all the way up to her and peek over her shoulder. She doesn't freak so I take this time to try to keep myself from not barfing at the thing she is mixing together.
"Are you doing anything this weekend? I was thinking we could go down to the beach, visit Emily..." Emily is....I don't like thinking about The Reservation. Last time we went Sam almost broke my arm. That whole place just gives me the creeps.
"I was just gonna study with Bella. Esme and Carlisle adopted this new kid..."
She frowns, shaking her head, making these weird clucking sounds. "Your hair, Jasper!"
"What's wrong with it?" I instinctively pat it down, trying to make it seem not so fucked up.
"You need to get it cut," she says, just as she tugs hard on a stray curl.
"Ow, Mom!"
"It's too curly and it's all tangled." She takes my face in her hands and grins and I let her because she is acting like a normal Mom now. "Your Grandmother's hair was this color, but long and straight and soft. I was always jealous of it.."
"The girls' like it. Besides-"
"Have you been smoking?" I'm used to her changing subjects randomly but this one caught me off guard. So....last year I was a bit of a pot addicted jackass, with a little sprinkling of heroin on the side. It's a miracle I'm even a junior since I missed so much school getting high out in the woods with Tyler. My mom never really did anything about it and it was Carlisle who convinced them to let me stay in the same grade if I went to summer school and volunteered at the hospital under his supervision.
"What? No? I well...no...I mean...." She never notices anything important. I am not really sure why I even try anymore. "No."
"Oh that's good..." She opens the stove and the kitchen fills with smoke. I know the drill and grab the broom and fan at the smoke detector so it doesn't go off as she pulls some sort of misshaped hunk of meat out and drops it on the counter. The food fail is a lump of smoking black ashes. There is no way in hell I am eating that and that's for damn sure.
She dumps it in the garbage. "God damnit." I just stand there, slightly disturbed but pretty used to the whole experience. I never really think I am going to actually get anything edible when she says she's making 'dinner'. It always ends up being more like she's creating aborted Frankenstein chickens. She quickly grabs the Cocoa Pebbles (my favorite!) and pours me a bowl of cereal, giving me an apologetic pat on the back before she downs two of her pills and shuffles out of the kitchen. Of course, she leaves the mess. I'm not hungry so I pour the milk down the drain, kick off my shoes, get the mop from the front closet and start cleaning up.
Someone's gotta act like the adult around here.
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The tension between Edward and I slowly disintegrated since on Saturday and Sunday he brought me over a huge hunk of Esme's lasagna and some poetry. Thankfully my mom kept her crazy at a reasonable level and we actually ended up being civil to each other. I even introduced him to the wonders of Tupac (2) and Eminem (3) and I can now say, ladies and gents, that Edward isn't such a pathetic dickhead after all since he actually likes them. He didn't mention James and only after Bella begged me during the ride to school (she drove safely too, by the way) to be nice to Edward I decided I would. Bella and Jess went to UW without us and wouldn't shut up about it all morning. So Ty and I decided to let Eddie listen to some slam poetry (4) I have on my iPod until the bell for class rang.
In Bio I sat in the back alone since Tyler was sitting with Ang because they are now dating for reals. Mrs. Amazing Boobs didn't want Bella and I to sit together because we, and I quote, "create mischief," and three people was apparently too many at a table. I spent the entire class daydreaming about Jessica and Mrs. AB washing Jess' car in bikinis...Speaking of Jessica, after Biology I followed her to the girls' locker room since she had been texting me messages all class about wanting to talk. Of course we just end up making out against her locker while all the other girls were in the gym playing volleyball.
"Jasper..." She stops kissing me, completely breathless, a tiny grin on her perfect lips.
I don't wanna break the kiss but she's leaning away from me and I know that this means - talking. Jasper no like talking. "Hmm?"
"Wanna go with me to Ty's halloween party? Like a date?" This is suspicious. Jessica and I always go together to these sorts of things so I don't get why she is even asking me.
"That's like a month from now. Tyler's parents might not even leave and then no party...." I lean in to kiss her again but she puts her hand on my face and pushes me away.
"So? That bitch Lauren has been going on and on about snagging you for the night when she knows that we've already decided to go together," her knee is right between my legs, putting some nice pressure on that place. My brain is officially mush. "Right?" Well of course I will agree.
"Only if....." I would insert some witty comment here but I can't think 'cause her breasts crushing against my chest. All intelligent thought (yes, sometimes I have intelligent thoughts) cease to exist. All I can think is Jessica is grinding against me and Lil Jazzy wants to come out to play, if you catch my drift. All my thoughts were jumbled - fishnets, school girl, bedroom, bed in the room, long legs, short skirts, Edward...Edward? WHAT?! Of course this interruption causes my stupid brain to decide to spit out the most retarded thing it could find.
"I really like you Jessica."
She narrows her eyes at me because the real Jasper would be kidding but I think I am serious (I think). Oh. Well. Shit. How many times had Jessica asked for us to be "official"? 97. How many times had I said no? 97. How many times had I done something anti-sex maniac and slightly romantic? ONE. God damnit! My face is on fire and I realize this is my chance to resume our make-out session. My other motto is: Get 'em while they're confused. Or is it...mount them while they're drunk? I can't remember.
"That's new," she murmured, pulling away again. Agh!
"I...I um...I don't know why I said that."
She nuzzles my neck and sighs. "I like this, Jasper." I am thinking maybe I like this too but I've never had a girlfriend before. Jasper doesn't do girlfriends. Unless they're someone else's girlfriend then I'll do them (heh heh heh). Jessica and Jasper as a couple? I don't think so...Then every other girl is off limits and that ain't gonna work out. Not at all. She's grinning up at me as if I said we're going steady and I groan inwardly but know better not to say anything. After all, I don't wanna loose my best fuck buddy.
"You better get going before coach and the girls get back."
What! She couldn't leave me like this. Little....I mean.....Huge Jazzy needs Jessica's hand! I grab her ass so she can't move and grind against her hard as she moans into my mouth. When we hear voices she drags me to the back door and shoves me outside.
"See you at lunch."
The door slams in my face and I sigh, wondering how I'm gonna explain to my teacher that I wasn't doing anything bad during my thirty minute bathroom break. And I think I might have to pull an Edward and take care of something in the woods.
I spent the rest of the day mentally beating myself upside my stupid ass head. I told Tyler and of course he thought it was hilarious and volunteered to be the best man at our wedding because now Jessica would never give up. If she thinks she has a chance she's like a leech. I tried avoiding her all day but classes just droned on forever and I got stuck sitting next to her in every one. When lunch rolls around we go to our usual table by the window that no one else sits at because it's ours. So unless they want to play peek-a-boo with my fist they steer clear. I sit near the middle with Edward and Tyler on either side of me with Angela as a new member of the dark side, next to Tyler and Bella and Jessica across from us. Jessica was staring at Edward grinning like a fool as if he is the fucking Messiah back from the dead and a few seats down from her are Mike and Eric, probably eavesdropping and planning my murder.
Angela is like a different person. She's wearing a skirt and makeup and her hand is in Tyler's lap doing who knows what, at the lunch table even! Tyler whispers in her ear every few minutes and she goes red and giggles. Aw the cute little love birds. Maybe dating isn't so bad.
Bella and I always share lunch. Or rather, she'll pack lunch for both of us and give me half. My mother always gives me five bucks every day but the cafeteria food sucks so I just slip it back into her wallet at the end of the week. She tosses me an apple (Bella hates apples) and a tuna sandwich and everyone groans as I start picking out the onions. I have a thing with food. I must pick out anything gross before I eat it, otherwise I can't eat. And onions are gross, don't try to argue with me about it because you will loose.
"What?" I can feel Edward smiling next to me and I am just about to target him with my rant about how gross onions are when he beat me to it.
"Jasper, you have hickeys all over your neck," Edward stated matter of factly, a lopsided grin on his face. My eyes widen, I'm horrified. Jessica put her hand over the mouth the same moment I put my hand over my neck. And we try to ignore everyone's snickers because obviously we were doing something earlier.
"So....Edward," Jessica says slowly, diverting attention from me. I narrow my eyes. Sure, I am not dating her but every time she flirts with any semi-good looking bastard with a penis I get a tiny bit jealous. She leans against the table just enough so that her perfect breasts practically spill out of her shirt. It's like HD TV on a 68 inch flat screen but better. Oh yes, so much better. "Do you have a girlfriend.....back in Alaska?"
"No." He picks at the table. I can tell he is thinking about something. Oh God, what if he had a girlfriend and she died or something and now Jess has opened this huge ass can of worms. Whatever he says next will determine everything in the universe - I mean, Forks. "I'm gay, actually. So no girlfriends."
I immediately start choking on the water Bella had given me. I love when Jessica gets rejected. She always picks the wrong guys. There had been Tyler in 7th grade, me in 8th - or since 8th, I should say, Mike in 9th and she had tried Emmett in 10th but Rose nearly ripped all the hair out of her head so that obviously didn't work out. And now she has set her sights on a gay guy. Seems as though poor Jess was stuck with casual sex and no commitment. She hates it but I mean, it's not that bad, that's how I roll.
Every single girl was going to have a cow. I kinda feel sorry for him now since basically Edward, and well...Edward make up the gay community in Forks.
"DE-NIED." Bella sang happily sticking her tongue out at Jessica. This was good news for me since after she gets rejected I'm the default fuck.
Through my giggles (yes, giggles) I manage to choke out: "Guess that means he'd rather date me than you, Jess, honey. So you can button up your shirt and stop throwing yourself at him." She growls at me and spears at her salad, pulling her cardigan closed over her overexposed cleavage. Which was kinda a bummer because I thoroughly enjoy ogling it.
Tyler decides to stop having a tongue match with Angela long enough to say, "Jasper, even I would rather date you over Jessica."
"Oh fuck off Tyler. Besides, Edward can do so much better than...." She looks me up and down. "Ugh! That." hey hey hey. That is not what she was saying like two hours ago and last week when we were getting our freak on in Tyler's guest room during a Saturday night party.
Edward seems a little bit uncomfortable so I say, " you got a crush on anyone?" Bella gives Tyler this look and he hits me on the back of the head.
"What the fuck!"
"I couldn't reach," she says smartly.
Edward looks away and gives me a half shrug, suddenly very interested in the window.
"Oh you do!" Bella says, clapping her hands happily. If it was possible, Edward sinks deeper into his chair.
"I...I mean...well...I don't know. Kinda." He glances at each of us. "Fine, okay I do!" He says, exasperated, practically yelling. The entire room gets quiet and looks at us.
We laugh, the awkwardness immediately broken. He trades my tuna sandwich, which had way to many onions, for his ham one before I could even say anything. There is something weird about Edward. He just knows that even if I had picked all the tiny little onions out of that sandwich, I still couldn't eat it because the aftertaste would still linger. I don't know if I like this but I'm not going to deny free food so I start peeling off the crust. Yes, I am a picky eater. Do not judge me, bitch.
"Don't worry." I take a bite and kept talking with my mouth full. "Whenever you get the balls to ask him out we can go on a double date, ease the pressure, you know?"
"I'll keep that in mind. Though, I didn't know you dated, Whitlock." Last name. Ha. He was fitting in with us nicely.
"You're right. I'm more of a meet and fuck kind of guy but for you, Mr. Cullen, I am willing to make an exception."
"I'll hold you to that." He stands up and pushes in his chair (because he is a gentleman) and goes over to Mike and Eric who both stop talking and stare up at him confused. Oh no...oh no...oh no!
"Eric, would you like to go with me, Jasper and Jessica to a movie this weekend?" Edward puts on his super sweet 'Please Do What I Say' smile and leans really close to Eric whose face is bright red. The entire cafeteria is silent and staring at our table.
"I-I...Wha-? I m-mean...yes. Okay." What the fuckkgjsdgdg! OhmyGAWD! Eric...isn't gay...is he? Mike's jaw hits the floor and he glares at me as if this was my idea! Edward grins and comes back to his seat next to me and Eric follows behind like a puppy, leaving Mike all alone at the end of the table and everyone buzzing about what just went down. All's fair in the war for supremacy at Fork's High, but I don't play dirty and stealing another commander's troops is just low, even for me.
"I think it worked." I totally forgot Eric was here. Actually, I can't remember ever hearing him talk before.
"What?"
"Asking me to the movies. I think it made Mike mad." Was Eric a double agent? This could be a trick! Nobody turns on their leader this fast. I will have to have a talk with Edward about this.
Edward is quiet for a few moments and leans in and whispers in his ear, loud enough for everyone in the whole goddamn school to hear, "That's...not why I asked you."
Eric practically melts in his seat and I feel like barfing. What's that I smell? Oh, bullshit. I roll my eyes and Jessica just grins at me, letting out an "awwww." She is too excited to care about the fact that 'Icky Eric,' as she calls him, is sitting within three feet of her. The words date and Jasper don't ever go together when I'm calling the shots. "I think we should see this new movie that's out. I heard it's about some vampire chick that falls in love with this human guy who turns out to be a wolf!" Eric, Edward and I all shrug.
"I wanna see that!" Bella's smile fades when no one responds. "I'm not invited, am I?" Edward smirks. He had made it very clear that it was the four of us, not the five of us. I should probably suspicious but now my mind is clouded with thoughts of the naughty things Jessica and I can do in a dark theater.
"Tyler, defend me!"
He shrugs, looks at Angela, and then shrugs again. "What? Sorry, Bella, we don't care, we already have plans."
"Ugh, I feel left out."
"What about Jaaacooooobbb?" I say, the exact same way she says his name whenever she talks about him which is all the fucking time. Bella throws a baby carrot at my face.
"Hey, Jizz. I mean, Jazz, shut the fuck up. Actually, you know what, you owe me a favor since you are ditching me for Jessica, Jazzy."
Oh snaps. Jazzy only means one thing: she wants something big. Money? A murder? Sex? Oh wait, having sex with Bella would be her doing me....a favor.
"My dad has this new girlfriend...."
"Hold up....just...just a minute. Charlie convinced a girl to date him? By gunpoint, right? 'cause that's the only way..."
"Just shut up and listen!"
"He's been dating her for a few weeks now and he's bringing her over for dinner tonight and I really really really really don't want to be alone. Pleaseeeeee," she stuck out her bottom lip and ignores Jessica's glares. Oh lookie, someone is jealous. "Will you pleaaaaaaase come? I promise I wont hit you or kick you in the crotch or make you study, I swear."
"Lasagna?"
"You just ate that yesterday and the day before. Esme sent ov-" I am getting tired of him. He is like a pesky little fly that just won't fucking die.
I slap my hand over his mouth, "Shut up Edward! You've done enough damage today, thanks." I raise my eyebrows at Bella, awaiting her approval of my required bribe.
"Yes, I'll make lasagna."
"Okay. I'm in."
"Edward....Wanna come?"
Yeah, Eddie, wanna co- WAIT WHAT? HELL NO! I try to channel all my hate at Bella's face but she pretends she doesn't see me. Too much Edward. Do not like!
"Really? "
"The more the better. 'Sides, I think Jasper has a crush on you." I am not even paying attention because Jessica decides at this moment it's time for us to play footsie. Or more like 'lets see how long Jasper can hold it together with my foot in his crotch'.
"Okay, I'd like that."
I think Edward is looking at me but I'm too busy winking at Jessica 'cause that shorty definitely has me distracted. She is looking all innocent but I'm feeling something down there. She's really feisty today and then I realize it's not Jessica's foot....it's someone's hand. Then Jess actually stands up to go throw away her plate. But...something's...still touching me?
The hand is a guy hand and it's Edward's hand and my brain cannot process the fact that Edward has purposely put his hand in my lap. I try blinking a few times but it doesn't go away, in fact, it squeezes it. I cough in an attempt to cover a scream of horror and wiggle around in my seat. Bella looks at me like I'm retarded as he just grips me tighter. By this time I'm two seconds away from...well...you know. It's not Edward it was Jessica before when we were making out and then her foot and then a hand is a hand really if you think about it. I just can't help it okay?
But as soon as Jessica comes back he slyly removes his hand leaving me hanging in that horrible limbo between euphoria and pain, grinning that stupid cocky half ass smile of his. He's picking at his lunch, which he hasn't touched, while I am freaking out over here. One: Edward is a guy that I slightly hate. Two: Why is Lil Jazzy acting the same way he does when Jessica is touching him? What's wrong with me? All I really know is that Edward Cullen is a major perv.
That fucker totally just raped me with his hand. And I kinda liked it.
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A/N: All you 450 people who looked at my story and did nothing review goddamnit!
Thanks for the people who put me on alert or reviewed, it's appreciated mucho.
Coming up: a painfully mysterious woman, bromance and Mommie Dearest part two.