I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
Rated M for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.
A/N: Oh snaps. Guess what? This is in Edward's point of view.
DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DIDYA?
=]
Thanks to my beta Toxic Valentine for putting up with my incomplete drafts and playful teasing. xD ILY.
0 0 0
So...I fucked up. Even now when I'm on my own, away from the 'gang' and the tension I created between Jasper and I, I feel self conscious. What the fuck was I thinking? I shouldn't have done it. I mean, isn't that maybe some sort of crime? Grabbing a guy's junk? Jasper probably hates me now and he probably thinks I'm a perverted freak. Since I didn't go to class last week, I am just now finding out that he's also in my history class, and even more surprisingly, in my honors calculus class. Of course he ignores me and of course I don't try and talk to him. No one but Jasper knows what I had done and yet I still feel extremely embarrassed
After school, we were all congregated around our cars - Bella's, Tyler's and mine - and before I could even open my mouth in an attempt to persuade him to come with me, Jasper had climbed into Bella's car and they were gone. I like Bella, she keeps Jasper grounded and is pushing him towards some sort of rational future, but I am not against making her suffer if he gets hurt because of her reckless driving. It's hypocritical of me to think something like that since I'm a maniac when I drive, but ever since I met him I can't help but get jealous of everyone he lets get close to him.
To be honest, I hated him the first time I saw him. I guess it was all that pent up frustration about the James situation, and how his family alienating him was just making it worse. It wasn't hard to recognize him - James has the same hair but longer, the same smile but more timid and the same "get on your nerves until you wanna fuck the living daylights out of him" kinda attitude. I wanted to break his neck and screw him at the same time as he doodled on his assignment next to me, my half tuning out of Bella's rambling barely working to keep me calm.
Fork's isn't exactly a large city and since Esme attempts to get Jasper to come over as much as possible by using food as bribes - so she won't have to resort to kidnapping - I knew there was a high chance that I would see him. So I carefully pieced together all the stuff James would tell me about him to create a rickety skeleton of Jasper's personality. A structure that was promptly destroyed when I first met him in Biology. He didn't know me and yet he was rude, annoying and so amazingly bold. It's sort of like loving a pen-pal you have never met - slowly you learn new things about them but it's never them telling you, its some piece of paper, something contrived, you can't see their face, you can't tell how they actually feel about something. I have never dated anyone, ever, and when I came back to Washington I was set on the job Carlisle had given me - make sure James was okay. I had told Jasper that James had been helping me when actually I had been helping him with some...difficult things.
I know James would use stories about Jasper to get me to come visit him more until they released him but I didn't mind being manipulated. I wanted to know how Jasper had broken Mike's nose in 5th grade defending Tyler and how awkward he looked at their 8th grade dance and how he hated onions and loved poetry and would call you out if you lied to him. James and I are a lot a like. He doesn't really have a family, he's trapped alone in a huge city and faces the same problems I do. He isn't really a murderer. The courts twisted everything around because it was easier that way, but in fact, it much more complicated than that. Jasper doesn't know. James wants to tell him himself but he couldn't come back to Forks now because he isn't ready.
I made Carlisle tell me things about when Jasper was little and I may have stolen his iPod for a night when I had dropped off Esme's leftovers. Learning more about him just confuses me more. Why does he have the Jonas Brothers on his playlist of favorite songs next to Eminem and Biggie? Why does he tuck his shoelaces in his shoes instead of tying them when they come undone? Why does he always wear that same faded sweatshirt every Thursday that's cloudy? Whenever I see the way he looks at Jessica, I know how Alice feels. That's one of the reasons Alice hates Jasper, I'm his forever, not hers as was planned up until a few weeks ago. She saw Jasper and I together, so maybe if I'm just patient (and push things along just a tad) things will eventually work out.
I'm extremely grateful Carlisle let me come to live with him. Alaska was immensely boring, Seattle was stressful and I didn't have anywhere else to go. Unfortunately, as soon as I close the front door Alice is on me. I can always tell when she's trying to "convince me" that we are supposed to be together and that this Jasper thing was just a phase.
"I need to tell you something."
"Alice, not now, please. I have to get ready." I have to be careful around her. As much as I want to yell at her and tell her sternly that we can never be 'we' I'm afraid of what she would do. I don't think she is above hurting Jasper just to make me feel bad.
"It's about Jasper."
She was probably waiting to drop this bomb on me all day. Probably cackling evilly in her room while she assaulted a little voodoo version of Jazz with sewing needles and fire.
"Did you see something?"
"Yes and no. Just...just snippets."
"What did you see?"
If I hadn't have met James, if I hadn't had the same Bio class as Jasper, if this wasn't fate - Alice and I would be together now. She's been 'waiting' for me, as she says. Emmett had Rose and Alice was supposed to have me but we never figured Jasper into the picture. And now we had a mess of emotions and an impossibly insolvable equation that no matter how you twisted it ended up in Edward + Jasper and a negative Alice as an irrelevant variable. I try but I can't keep my face neutral. Usually I have two emotions, serious and angry. Jasper coaxed out the happy, even though he didn't realize it, and the nauseating worry that was now swirling around in my chest. Alice never tells us the good things. What if Jasper got hurt? What if Mike got revenge? I guess she could tell that I was less interested in the fact that she was helping me and more concerned about Jasper.
"I should have never told you. Forks would be better off with a dead Jasper Whitlock, anyway."
"...Wha-?" I can't read her like I normally can. I don't know if she's telling one of her twisted jokes or if I really would lose Jasper tonight. I shouldn't trust Alice - ever - but whenever something about Jasper comes up I must know what it is and when it will happen and who will be there.
"Alice." I hadn't even noticed Carlisle standing in the doorway and I am slightly annoyed that he is here since now I can't rip her head off. There are just two rules in the Cullen house - no fighting and no lying. I think Alice always breaks the last one and I constantly have to restrain myself to keep from breaking the first. It would feel so good to punch her in the face, but then again I'd get kicked out and I wouldn't be able to see Jasper anymore. "Tell us the vision."
"Fine. He's with his mom and then there's yelling or something. Then I saw him limping around outside, I don't know where. And then he's with Tyler and you and Carlisle...then that's it."
"That's it?"
"And it looked like someone beat his face in with a baseball bat. Will you still love him if he's not as prett-"
I almost have her by the neck before Carlisle yanks me back. Of course Alice is enjoying this because she knows something important that I don't. Something that I need to know.
"Edward! Take a walk."
"No." I don't mean to snap at Carlisle but I can't help it. He tightens his grip on my arm and that just frustrates me more. "Tell me everything, Alice!"
"I forgot, Edward." She feigns a look of despair and rubs at her forehead. "I'm terribly sorry."
"You fucking bitch!"
I lunge at her but Carlisle stops me easily. I don't think I can control my anger anymore and he senses this.
"Edward, outside. Now."
The fury has burnt out already and I slump my shoulders. "I'm sorry Carlisle. I shouldn't have lost my temper....I'm going out." He nods and shoots a glare at Alice, one that reads 'you better believe we will be talking about this later, young lady.' "To see Jasper." I add, a tiny smile forming at the sight of Alice's seething glare.
0 0 0
As I am headed to Bella's house, when when when keeps bouncing around my head, pinging against worry and fear. When was Alice's vision going to happen? Tonight or next year? Was Jasper going to get into some sort of fight? I'll feel better when I see him - that way I know he won't get hurt, not with me around. Bella takes forever to answer, and for a few short minutes I think I have the wrong house before the door swings open and she smiles at me.
"You look very nice, Edward."
I am barely paying attention since the nervous butterflies had been scared away and have been replaced with giant ass Goliath frogs who were spazzing out in my stomach.
"Thanks."
I follow her into the kitchen, attempting to be nonchalant. Jasper looks exactly the same way he did at school and yet I stare at him as if I hadn't seen him in years. He doesn't even say hi to me but I'm not surprised, I did fondle him earlier after all. The three of us fall into an easy rhythm. I cut the onions and tomatoes and Bella's making garlic bread. Jasper has made himself head chef and is doing the most important job - the lasagna. It's a comfortable silence, one that I wish I could have with Jasper when we're alone but it always ends in tension and anger.
Bella ruins everything with her stupid questions.
"Jasper?"
"What?"
"Why don't you ever dress up?" .
"Why? Did you want me to?"
I think he looks perfectly fine the way he is. In fact, I am sure he looks even better without clothing.
"My closet. In the back to the right." Jasper has that funny look on his face - the same one he had when our teacher had been attempting to explain limits and derivatives to us in class. I am naming it his 'what the fuck are you talking about' face. "Remember Homecoming last year? You stayed over? You were kinda drunk...." I can't imagine Jasper as a drunk. Does he still have the same wit or is he an even greater sex fiend? Before Bella so rudely interrupted the quiet I had been daydreaming about laying in bed, sipping wine and playing with his curls, our legs intertwined, skin against skin whispering poetry to each other....
Bella seems to be the only person who can tell Jasper what to do without an argument. And so he just goes upstairs to change without any comment whatsoever. We're alone now and Bella's humming is getting on my nerves and I'm upset Jasper's not here. The kitchen feels like an empty football stadium without him. I'm trying to cook the meat right but I can already tell its burning. It becomes a completely insignificant thing when Jasper comes back, all dressed up and extremely awkward with his hands shoved in his pockets, his shoulders hunched in an attempt to make himself look smaller. He looks beautiful. The shirt is a deep blue and makes his eyes seem more brilliant and his hair more wild.
The doorbell rings and no one moves for the longest time. Maybe because it's Bella's house so logically she should have gotten it.
"Jasper, can you get it?"
"Okay," he shrugs, leaving the kitchen. I hear the door open a few seconds later and the voice of Charlie's guest nearly makes me want to run to the door and slam it in her face.
"Hi, I'm Jane. Charlie didn't tell me he had a son."
I drop the spoon and peek around the corner into the foyer. Bella is doing the same thing so she doesn't think it's weird. Jane Volturi. The Cullens and the Volturi have never gotten along since way way way back and now one of them is in Forks? What does this mean? Why is she dating the dad of Jasper's best friend? I can't help but think these two things are connected since Carlise and Esme haven't been very discreet about Jasper being the son they never had. Esme can't have kids so they adopt but there's just something about their relationship with Jasper that's different. They were there when he was born and I think they're around for him more than his own parents. I'm hoping Jane isn't planning something stupid, though I wouldn't be surprised. She and her brothers, Aro, Marcus and Caius are calculating and twisted. Somehow I was going to have to figure out how to make her leave, without breaking Charlie's heart. Bella glances at me and mouths 'wow', I nod in agreement but definitely not for the same reasons.
"Oh, he doesn't. I'm Bella's friend, Jasper." I can't help but smile. What a contrast - here Jasper was polite but as school he was a complete jerk. "Her best friend. I invited myself, can't live without her lasagna." Right at that moment Charlie comes bounding down the stairs. He is all dressed up and looks extremely nervous. If Jane wasn't a conniving bitch then I would say this was kind of romantic.
"Hi honey," Charlie says loudly. He wants Bella to come out and introduce herself but that was not going to happen any time soon, by the looks of it, at least not voluntarily. We sneak back into the kitchen and Jasper follows along, holding his stomach and gagging.
Bella throws an oven mitt at him for his shenanigans as she opens the pantry. "Fuck!"
If only she knew how much I had been thinking about that word all night.
"What's the matter?" Jasper already has flour on his pants and cheese in his hair and he has only been back in the kitchen for five minutes. From where I am standing I can see the empty package she is holding. How should I break the news to him?
"No pasta."
Right, that was extremely comforting. I should be a grief counselor, don't you think?
"No...pasta...?" His head is tilted to the side and he scrunches up his nose when he realizes the implication of the missing ingrediants. "No lasagna?" I don't really know what I expect. For him to be disappointed maybe? I am fully willing to drive however far to get a box of pasta if that would make Jasper happy. Hell, I'd fly to Italy and get him something genuine. But he just surprises me, again.
"I can make some." He ignores our dumbfounded looks as he pulls out the flour, salt, eggs and some other stuff I don't recognize.
"Since when do you know how to make pasta?" Bella obviously has no faith in him. I, on the other hand, completely believe that he knows what he is doing. He rolls up his sleeves, cleans the counter and then carefully measures out some flour and makes a little mountain.
"Since always."
He's adding eggs in a well he's made in the flour and that's when Charlie calls Bella in to the living room. The moment of truth has come. I am hoping Bella hates Jane. I'm hoping she can sense the evil rolling off of her and makes Charlie dump her. The rest of my brain is preoccupied with the way Jasper's muscles flex as he kneads the dough and wondering if his ass would do that if he's und-...cough...anyway. I almost feel like crying because he's straight and yet we're so intertwined he just doesn't know it yet. It's quiet again and I want to hear his voice so I try to sound hip and say. "That's kinda cool."
"Don't talk to me."
"Why? What's wrong?" Today is a day of firsts. The first time I've been in Bella's house, the first time I have been alone with Jasper and the first time I can touch him without hiding it. I rest my chin on his shoulder and graze his neck with my nose as I wrap my arms around his waist, breathing in slowly and he stiffens but he doesn't hit me like I thought he would. There is a short moment where I feel completely content - his hair against my neck, his nervous breathing, the gentle curve of his backside pressing against me. I know the fact that I can't hold myself back until Jasper is ready is why Carlisle doesn't like that I'm around him so much but I can't help it and kiss him gently on the neck.
He does the exact opposite of what I expect - which is send a flying fist at my face - and leans back into me and closes his eyes. I am stunned, but only for a few moments, since I realize this is my chance. I kiss him on the neck again, pausing to see if this is some sort of trick. It doesn't seem to be since he's pressing against me, his hands over mine - practically giving me permission....I gain more courage and let one of my hands slide up his shirt, a little more eager in my kisses and slightly annoyed that I'm standing behind him so his mouth is out of reach. Bella can come back any minute but I really don't give a fuck. Slow and steady, Edward....but that is an impossible task to fulfill. I'm trying to figure out how to get him to turn around so I can make out with him when all rationality escapes and I moan into his neck. I'm pretty sure the next step would be me banging him against the counter and I think he realizes this as well.
"What are we....you-?" His eyes fly open and he nearly jumps onto the stove to get away from me. "S-Stop it." I realize the moment is over but it had been so fucking amazing. I am momentarily flabbergasted - had Jasper just let me do all of that to him...?
"Uh...." He's now ten feet away from me on the other side of the kitchen, rubbing at his neck and glaring at me. "Okay, I'm sorry. I won't touch you anymore. I can't help it." He's waiting for me to explain and it just makes me feel even more self-conscious. I'm still insanely giddy about the whole situation so I have no clue what to say. "You don't look like such a jackass tonight..."
He snorts and ignores me as he starts back on the pasta but by now his entire face is beet red. I don't want to go back to the way we were before so I try to pretend that the most amazing moment of my life had not just happened a few seconds ago.
"Can I try?" He's doing something with a pasta machine we happened to find in one of the cabinets and it looks easy enough.
"Fine. But don't mess it up." He's already halfway through with a length of dough and just hands it to me. I turn the handle once and glance over to him. He nods and I keep going but its too fast. "I'm serious, Edward! Don't mess it up!" He grabs my hand and tries to regulate my pace but of course I obviously am no longer paying attention to the pasta, not while the heat of Jasper's hand is on mine. "No, go slower. Yeah...no. Here you layer it and I'll do this." We finish the pan of lasagna and stick it in the oven. The kitchen is still fairly clean but we start wiping the counters down anyway - or well, Jasper does and I just watch since I promised I would keep my distance.
"So when should I pick you up for the movie on Friday?"
"You mean, when should Jessica and I meet you and your date at the movies?"
I cringe. I'm not sure why I asked Eric. Actually, I am really not sure why he said yes since I know for a fact he isn't gay....but he did and now I am trapped in this stupid situation. But asking Jasper wasn't an option, not after he had just made out with Jessica and did who knows what else. The whole point of this "double" date was for it to end up with just Jasper and I alone. Convincing Eric not to come would be easy, I think. It was Jessica who would be the difficult one. Hopefully I won't have to resort to poisoning her....
"It doesn't make sense to go in two cars." I put on my serious face. He narrows his eyes at me, weighs his options and eventually concedes because obviously I am right.
"I don't know. Five?"
"It's a date."
"It's two separate dates."
Bella returns a little while later, piles a bunch of plates and silverware in my arms and commands me to set the table. At first dinner is awkward. Charlie and Jane both look like they'd rather be upstairs fucking than entertaining three teenagers and we all look like we'd rather be dead than think about them fucking. I know Jane recognizes me but I pretend I don't know her. Jasper practically inhales his food and half of my plate as well. I want to leave and try my luck with Jasper again but Charlie and Jane insist on sitting at the table and talking to us like we care about how they met.
"I'm from Italy, actually. I just moved to Forks a few months ago. That's how I met your Dad. I was driving a little....fast."
Charlie chuckles and cups her hand in his. "You mean eighty miles an hour in a school zone?"
"Anyways, I convinced him to go to dinner instead of hauling me to jail and he said yes."
"And then she started talking about baseball. That's when I fell in love." I think Charlie is actually blushing. Jasper is smirking down at his empty plate and as soon as he looks up we both start grinning. It was sort of cliche and ridiculous, but it was still kinda sweet - kinda. I already can tell what Jasper is thinking - bullshit.
0 0 0
I am not sure how I did it. Maybe it was Bella's command or the fact that the temperature had dropped and it was pouring outside that convinced him to let me give him a ride home. That and the threat of his tupperware full of lasagna being ruined by the rain. I like to think it was my charm but I'm not that much of a disillusioned love-sick puppy.
So I know he's afraid of cars. But from what I have gathered its nothing rational - he's never been in a car accident, no one he knows has ever been in a car accident...its about control. He can't do a damn thing if I decide to slam on the gas. But I also know that he secretly likes taking his mom's car down to the Reservation on an abandoned road and just flooring it. The speed, the control slipping away excites him then, so why is he so frightened now? I do not know why but I decided to test his limits.
Right now my car is hurtling through the outskirts of his neighborhood.
"S-slow down." He has slid down in the seat and is clutching the handle near the window.
"What?"
"Edward!"
"I can't hear you....are you saying something, Jasper?"
It only took me five minutes to get in front of his house and he let out a noticeably loud sigh of relief when the car was stopped. I had been going 120 mph at one point. Maybe I overdid it. Just a little.
"You're a fucking asshole." I know now is not the time, but if you changed the order of those words...
"I wouldn't hurt you." Even though I am an amazing driver we could have been wrapped around a telephone pole by now. Maybe Jasper was slightly correct. "On purpose. Besides, you have to admit that was fun."
"Gee, Edward. Speeding down the road at a hundred miles an hour was really swell. Will throwing up in your car convince you that I had an awesome time?" The real Jasper was back already. He sure does bounce back fast after being terrified. I am feeling a sense of déjà vu when he had leans forward, one hand on my thigh the other on my shoulder, so close our foreheads were almost touching. All I can think about is the kitchen and how I really really wanted an encore performance.
"We should do this again but next time let's crash into a tree. I'm sure burning alive would be a better rush."
I can't speak and that's when he realizes he is close to me and immediately moves back to the passenger seat.
"Maybe you should come over." As soon as the words come out of my mouth I realize how stupid that sounds.
"What?" I think he thinks that I am joking around until he tries to open the door. "Edward unlock the door!"
I keep my finger on the button to lock and wrack my brain for a good excuse. All that comes out is lameness.
"I don't think you should go home right now..."
"Unlock the fucking door! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Jasper, listen to me. You don't want to go home right now. You're mom-"
"What do you know about my mom! You haven't even met her!" He tries to crawl over me but it's too easy to just shove him away. I realize now that I should have just driven us back to my house. Carlisle had told me he was stubborn and since I am being so vague I don't blame him for thinking I'm nuts.
"Alice had a vision that something bad was goin-"
"I can't believe you listen to that psycho! If something bad," Is now a bad time to think that he looks insanely attractive when he is pissed off? "Was going to happen to me then it'll be Alice doing it. Now let me out before I call the cops."
I lean in really close and he squeezes himself against the door, yanking on the handle angrily. I forgot all about the button and as soon as I move my hand the door unlocks right as he opens it and he nearly topples backwards out of the car before I catch him. Jesus did Alice's vision almost come true? Would I have been the one who had hurt him?
"See you in a few hours," I whisper, still clutching the front of his shirt even though he doesn't need my support anymore. We're just staring at each other and I can smell his shampoo and see every little fleck of color in his eyes. I nearly kiss him then I realize he is shaking and freaking out. Carlisle had said to go slow and not push him because he'd push back - once he got over the shock - and push back hard. I nudge him and he gets out, staring at me with a mixture of horror and confusion.
I hear him yelling at me as I start the car and pull away: "Don't you mean tomorrow?"
0 0 0
I'm surprised I haven't paced a path into the floor by now. Since I have been home I've been freaking out about Alice's vision, to her intense dislike. It's only been an hour and a half, and so far no one has called Carlisle, as he had predicted. He had taken my car keys as soon as I had stepped inside so my only other way of getting to Jasper would be to run if I got desperate.
"Why can't we just go now?"
Carlisle sighs in annoyance since this is probably the hundredth time I have asked.
"We need to wait for Thomas to call us. This wouldn't be the first time Alice has exaggerated." We both look at her and she shrugs. I think she knows what's happening, right now, and I think she'd have no problem prolonging whatever it was Jasper was going through my keeping me here.
Carlisle's phone starts ringing and that's when I bolt to the car, grabbing his medical bag from the table in the foyer on my way. I'm antsy. I fiddle with the radio and I adjust my seat. I dig through his bag, get bored, then rifle through the glove compartment. It takes him forever to get to the car and he looks more tense than usual. My mind is reeling from the expression on his face.
"Is he okay? He isn't...." I am already prepared to go upstairs and kill Alice if Jasper was...if he...
"It's worse than I thought but I think we can handle this without the hospital."
"What....worse than you thought how?"
"Alice's comment about the baseball bat....wasn't a lie."
"I have to check on Charlotte. I want you to stay at Tyler's house, keep him awake after I look him over. If anything changes after I leave call me. Immediately." I frown at my lap and give a half shrug in acknowledgment. Why does Carlisle need to see Jasper's mom? How did he get to Tyler's house? What is happening? "You remember when I taught you about head injuries when you volunteered at the hospital?" Head injury? What the fuck has happened? Please let my Jasper be okay... "Edward are you listening to me?"
"I-I..."
"Edward."
"I understand, Carlisle." It's hard to talk past the fear clogging my throat but I manage to reassure him I wasn't going to break down. The rest of the car ride is in silence. I don't even put on classical music like I usually do. I don't think anything could calm my nerves now, not even Vivaldi.
Tyler's house is amazing. It's almost as big as ours, which would be surprising to most people if you take into account the shitty van he drives. I mean, his house is beautiful if you can ignore the police car out front, the slightly ajar front door and the smeared blood on the porch banister.
When we get inside Tyler's dad leads us to the living room where Jasper is curled up on the couch. His face is red and bloody and his right eye is practically useless and swollen shut. Next to the couch on the floor there are bloodstained towels floating in a bowl of murky water. I can't imagine him looking any worse but apparently this is him cleaned up. He doesn't move when Carlisle touches his shoulder. In fact he doesn't even do anything when he prods his scalp, his neck, the worst looking bruises on his face. Carlisle makes him sit up and count to ten, follow his finger and walk around for a little while - the entire time he is silent.
Carlisle says he'll go with Paige, Tyler's mom, to Jasper's house because maybe his mom would respond better to a woman, taking in light what happened to her. I hadn't noticed it before but Tyler's dad had slipped into the kitchen to talk on the phone, talking some lawyer jargon about child abuse. It's silent when they leave, except for Jasper's breathing. I'm still clutching Carlisle's bag to my chest and slowly lower myself to the floor next to the couch, trying to ignore Tyler's staring. Jasper's one good eye is screwed shut and every-time he takes a breath I am terrified he'll never exhale.
"Can I talk to Jasper alone, please?"
"No." Tyler's hostility surprises me but I don't attempt to fight it. "We barely know you and now you're here in the middle of the night?"
Tyler is Jasper's protector, though much more subtle at it than Jasper is with Bella. I am slowly starting to understand how their relationships work. They protect each other, no matter what, and people like me who tried to infiltrate where immediately thought of as threats.
I graze my fingertips on the least damaged part of his skin. He grabs my hand and hugs it to his chest. I feel guilty for saying it but I still do anyway: "I told you..."
"Go away." He can't mean it since he won't let my hand go for the longest time. "Why did you even come? to prove that you were right?" His words are all muffled and barely audible.
I lean in so Tyler cant hear me and whisper as quietly as I can. "No. No...no of course not. I'm so sorry I couldn't do better Jasper. I promise next time I'll be there, next time I'll stop it. You'll never get hurt again, I swear." Jasper doesn't say anything but he seems pacified.
"Ty may I speak to you for a second?"
Tyler glances at Jasper and then at me then back at Jasper before sighing and digging in his pocket. He hand's Jasper his iPod and a few seconds later Jasper puts on the headphones and turns on his music so loud that I can hear every lyric. We just sit for a few seconds, watching his face to see if he can hear us, before Ty breaks the ice.
"What is it?" Tyler immediately starts hounding me before I can even think up what I want to tell him. "Why are you here? If this is like some sort of medical lesson for you, that's really fucked up."
I take a deep breath. How do I compress a year of complex feelings all leading up to a random day in Biology in a few sentences?
"I knew James, in Seattle." I raise my hand to keep him from talking. "He....I was part of this program...I mean I worked at this place that helps people like him, you know, with anger issues. And he would tell me about Jasper all the time and...and before I even came here I felt like I knew him and I wanted to know more about him and...and I think...I don't know...."
He is silent so I kept on rambling.
"And in Bio he was such a jackass to me and I was so mad he wouldn't talk to his brother or even write him or anything and I think....I think that's when I knew l was in love with him."
"...What?" His eyes are wide. "Does Jasper know this?"
I shake my head.
"Edward, he's not..."
"I know, I know. But I haven't been exactly subtle in...how I feel."
"So he knows?"
"No. Well...I don't know. At lunch I kinda did something. And he didn't respond like a straight guy would when umm....I uh....did something at Bella's house."
"This explains a lot," he sighs. "Jasper doesn't really date girls. I mean...he has sex but I don't know. He'd never admit something like that. His dad isn't...that's kinda one of the reasons Jasper can't talk to James..because he's....you know..." Woah. James is gay? How could I have missed this? "Some people thought he hurt those girls to prove he wasn't gay."
"You can't tell anyone."
"I wont." I think I see a tiny semblance of a smile. "I swear, Edward. we'll keep it between bros. I just think maybe you should give him some time. Back off if that isn't how he is, you know? And if he is...gay...don't rush things and hurt him. Or I'll cut off your dick and shove it down your throat."
I try not to smile but I can't help it. Well, I don't think Tyler thinks I'm a weird creeper anymore.
The music isn't on anymore and I think that Jasper is sleeping and I nearly panic because Carlisle told him to stay awake. But then he whispers, his voice hoarse with his eyes still closed.
"Ty can I use your phone?" Without thinking I slip my phone out of my pocket and press it into his hand. If I could I would suffer this pain he is experiencing a thousand times over if that meant he wasn't hurting.
"Daddy?" My heart feels like someone has just dropped it onto a trash compactor hearing his voice crack and the desperation.
"Yes. No. She hit me. I'm at Ty's house." A pause. "She thought she was in La Push or something and she didn't know who I was."
"Can you come home?" From the sound of his voice he knew the answer was no and I think before his dad could respond he just started to cry. Tyler is frozen on the other side of the room. He doesn't know what to do, I don't know what to do. My bet is Jasper has never cried in front of anyone before.
"Jasper...." I don't care if Tyler is watching anymore. I get on the couch and pull him into my lap, gently rubbing circles on his back. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and Tyler takes the phone from him and puts it in Carlisle's bag. "I'm so sorry, Jasper."
"Are you leaving?"
"No." I stroke the back of his neck until he relaxes and his sobs turn to sniffles. "Of course not, my angel."
It's another thirty minutes before Carlisle comes back with Ty's mom. By this time he's curled up again and struggling to stay awake and for the past ten minutes he's been staring at the ceiling. When the front door opens he speaks for the first time since his breakdown earlier.
"Is my mom okay?"
I can't believe he's been worrying about that bitch this entire time. I know why she's like the way she is and I feel guilty about it but she's gone too far this time.
"She...she wasn't there. Charlie is out looking for her. How was the house when you got home?"
"What do you mean?"
"When we got there the front door was open and it was trashed." Jasper blinks and doesn't respond. I guess Carlisle realizes it's time to change the subject. "I have some of his clothes in the car. And some books and some of your notebooks, Jasper." Carlisle pulls something small out of his pocket - Jasper's iPod. "I thought you might want this." His music. His poems. His everything. He hugs the iPod to his chest and closes his eyes again. The adults aren't really paying attention to us anymore so I take the moment to run my fingers through his hair. He snuggles closer to me and I can barely quench the urge to crawl on the couch with him and hold him until he falls asleep. Carlisle is planning something, I can feel it. This does give a judge a reason to take Jasper away from her. It's horrible but maybe Esme will finally get the son she wanted...
"Tom, did you find a place?"
"No. They all asked too many questions. Wanted to know the cause, you know, and the stressor. I'll ask around the office tomorrow someone is bound to know a good care facility that could help her."
Jasper shudders underneath my hand and I gently stroke his neck. I agree with the decision to put her away somewhere but that just may be my anger talking. Jasper needs his mom. Who is he gonna live with if his dad is gone all the time? Carlisle takes his bag from me and puts on his coat. "Charlie'll call if he finds her." The only loose end left is Jasper. "If its a problem he can always come home with me."
"No it's no problem." Tyler's dad glances at Jasper and then to me. Maybe he can read the please please please let Jasper stay with me in my eyes. "But maybe it would be best if he stayed with a doctor."
We're all watching Jasper but he doesn't say anything, he just keeps his eyes closed and clutches his iPod to his chest. I'm holding my breath. I want Jasper to come home with us so I can take care of him but maybe he wants to stay with Tyler. Then there's Alice....
I start to speak when Tyler cuts me off.
"I think he should go with Edward, dad. He is Jasper's boyfriend."
Everyone is staring at me now and if Tyler wasn't one of Jasper's best friends, I would have already punched him in the face. What the fuck happened to keeping it between us, bro?
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Whooo if you want more Edward then tell me....maybe in review form? eh eh -nudge nudge-
Coming Up: The Lamp Part Deux + da aftermath - Jasper's POV.