TWTW TW
Ianto's breathing quickened as the scene before him unfolded. He knew immediately that this was after the cannibals. He saw himself enter the hub just in front of Jack, desperately trying to contain the horror he had witnessed. He had thought at the time that Jack had bought him back to the hub to complete paperwork and cover stories for the media.
He had been wrong.
TW
Ianto walked purposefully over to his monitor and fired it up ready for whatever Jack thought necessary. Jack came to join him and placed a hand over his on the keyboard.
'Ianto...what are you doing?' he asked.
'Getting ready to work sir' answered Ianto.
'What work exactly?' asked Jack.
Ianto looked up at him.
'Well...I don't know...whatever it is you want me to do' said Ianto becoming confused.
'I want you to stop...to cry..to shout...to rave about monsters...and eventually to sleep' said Jack gently.
'I don't understand' mumbled Ianto.
'I haven't bought you back here to work Ianto...but because I don't want you to be alone...I took you out into the field and almost got you killed...I gave you yet another nightmare and I'm sorry' said Jack sadly.
Some of the tension drained out of Ianto at Jack's words. Whilst he had been needed to work he could concentrate on holding himself together, but now the dam broke and he gave a convulsive sob and collapsed into Jack's waiting arms.
The two men just held each other until Ianto eventually stopped sobbing long enough to look up at his boss.
'I'm sorry...I'm under control now' he murmured surprised to see that Jack had been crying also.
'You don't always have to be under control Ianto...sometimes you need to lose control in order to let out the emotions so that they don't strangle you' said Jack wisely.
Jack led them both to the battered sofa and sat them down.
Stay here' he ordered and left.
He returned moments later with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, half filling them and handing one to Ianto. Ianto took his with hands that still trembled slightly and downed the drink in one go.
'Whoa...steady...a drink is good for the shock but getting drunk is not on the agenda ok?' Jack asked.
'Ok' mumbled Ianto.
Jack passed an arm around Ianto's shoulders and pulled him close.
'Shush...you're safe now...I'm here...you're safe' he stroked the young man's hair in a comforting gesture.
Jack wasn't sure whether he wanted to offer that comfort to himself or to the other man.
Ianto calmed and turned his head so that his face was resting in the crook of Jack's neck and inhaled the other man's scent deeply. It was intoxicating but at the same time made him feel safe. Without thinking he placed a soft kiss on his neck then pulled away and looked into his face apologetically.
But instead of apologising he found himself kissing his cheek and then leaning in to ghost a kiss across Jack's lips. He took a deep breath and leaned his forehead against Jack's.
'I'm sorry' he whispered 'Oh God as if my life isn't fucked up enough...now I'm kissing men'
Jack tilted his head so that Ianto was looking at him.
'Don't be sorry Ianto...God knows I want you badly enough...and what's wrong with kissing men?' he smiled.
'Nothing's wrong with it Jack' sighed Ianto.
He really didn't have the energy to explain to Jack that he wasn't used to being attracted to men, too much had happened today for that to be even slightly important.
Jack was puzzled, he knew Ianto was attracted to him so what was stopping the man. Probably still not over Lisa, but at least that kiss suggested he might be getting there. Jack lived in hope. But he recognised that tonight was not the time.
'Don't worry...I'm not going to jump you just because you kissed me when you were feeling vulnerable' he said running his hand down the younger man's face reassuringly.
Ianto smiled at him tentatively and Jack placed small kisses over his face and neck as he whispered.
'You. Are. Safe.'
Ianto had closed his eyes whilst Jack kissed him and reassured him but now he opened them and looked at the other man before reaching up and kissing him properly, full on the lips. Ianto pulled Jack towards himself and deepened the kiss daring to push his tongue gently against the other man's lips and further into his mouth.
Jack broke the kiss before it went too far.
'Come on...you and I are going to bed' he said.
Ianto looked at him startled. He had enjoyed kissing his captain but going to bed with him was in a whole different category which Ianto had no desire to explore.
'To sleep Ianto' reassured Jack.
'We both need sleep...and I want someone to be there...I don't want to be alone...just warm arms in case of nightmares...would that be ok?...I thought you might like it too' he continued.
Ianto realised how tired he was. Yes he did want to sleep, and yes he did not want to be alone. He allowed himself to be propelled towards Jack's underground bedroom.
The two men stripped to underwear and got under the covers quickly, showers would be left until morning when they were not so weary. They lay side by side, not touching, suddenly aware of themselves and the situation.
'Jack have you seen anything like this before?' asked Ianto.
Cannibalism? Yes...but not on this scale...not a whole community...and why only every ten years? Some things defy rationality Ianto. Maybe we don't need to understand....maybe it's enough that we stopped them' he answered quietly.
Ianto turned his head to look at his boss and shuffled over slightly so that he was pressed against Jack's side. He watched Jack's lips and heard his own mind saying 'don't do it...don't do it' yet he ignored himself and reached up to kiss him again.
Jack responded to the kiss, pulling Ianto towards himself and caressing the younger man's tongue with his own. He felt Ianto's cock grow hard against his thigh and his own harden in response, this was not good.
'Ianto stop! Don't do this...you'll regret it...you're feeling vulnerable and stressed...I don't want to take advantage of that' whispered Jack breaking the kiss.
'I won't blame you' said Ianto softly.
'I want you so badly Ianto...but you don't have to purchase my concern and comfort with your body...I give you those freely...if and when we get together I want it to be for pleasure...I want you to want it as much as I do' explained Jack pulling away with great effort.
Ianto breathed a sigh of relief. As much as his body was urging him on to touch the captain his mind was screaming at him to stop. He needed something to take his thoughts away from the horrors they had witnessed, but Jack was right if he seduced the other man he would regret it, he was not gay.
TW
Ianto did not know whether to laugh or cry. He knew his former self would fall asleep telling himself he was not gay, and the horrors of the day had produced a reaction that would never normally be there. But he also remembered the disgusting sights they had witnessed in the countryside, the horror that men could do to men.
He stood and watched as Jack held his former self as he fell asleep. Then he was stunned as he saw tears roll down Jack's face and the gentle way he caressed the man in his arms and rocked him, kissing his head.
Ianto had been asleep when Jack did this and had not realised it had happened. He stood observing and was stunned to realise Jack had feelings for him even at this early stage, even before their relationship started.
His stomach twisted as he took in things he had never known and re-evaluated his opinion of his lover. It occurred to him he might have to rethink many things before he found himself back at home.
TWTWTW
Ianto watched as yet more people he did not know materialised. It would appear they were all leaving for the night.
'Night all...where's Jack?' yelled a girl with blonde hair.
'It's not been a good day for him...he's in the morgue' answered her colleague.
Ianto watched the expressions cross the faces in front of him and suddenly felt panicked. They were looking at each other in sympathy for something Jack was suffering. Ianto ran to the morgue.
TW
'Why did you leave me?...I can't bear it Ianto' sobbed Jack leaning over a partially opened morgue drawer.
Ianto gasped as he realised it must be his body in the drawer. He was witnessing his own death, or rather the aftermath of it. He crept closer.
'Jack?' he whispered.
Jack's head whipped up to look at him.
'Ianto?' he questioned and looked down at the drawer and back up at the man in front of him again in disbelief.
Further speech was not forthcoming from Jack so Ianto dared to look into the drawer. He breathed heavily as he looked down and saw himself still and peaceful.
Jack's mind was quickly assimilating the evidence of his eyes. He had spent much of his youth travelling in time so he quickly realised how this situation was possible.
'Oh God Ianto' he breathed.
'Am I dead?' asked Ianto realising it was a stupid question but asking it nevertheless.
'Yes' answered Jack looking at the body 'and no' he continued looking at the man before him.
'How old am I?' asked Ianto looking at the body again.
'I'm not sure I should tell you' whispered Jack.
Ianto nodded, perhaps it was for the best that he not know any more details. However the evidence before his eyes suggested that he was about sixty five, maybe a couple of years either way, a good age for a Torchwood operative.
'You still care?' he whispered to Jack surprised .
'I still love you, yes' answered Jack.
Ianto looked up at him in shock. That Jack loved him at all was a surprise, that he should still love him years later when Ianto was so much older was a deep shock.
'You're from a time before I told you that?' asked Jack.
'Yes' whispered Ianto amazed.
Jack nodded.
'When you get back tell me to stop being such a prat and just say it...I remember you said that to me one day after we lost you for a time'
Jack smiled to himself at the memory.
'You also told me I would see you again after you died. That I would be able to see that somewhere in time we were still together ,still laughing and still loving...you promised me...and here you are keeping that promise' Jack whispered in awe.
Ianto looked again at his own body in the casket, his eyes drawn to the band of gold on his left ring finger. If he and Jack were still together had they split at some time and he had married? Then his eye was caught by the matching ring on Jack's hand. Oh this was too weird, were he and Jack actually married?
Jack noticed him looking.
'They're symbolic Ianto...we never did anything legally...but they were meaningful for us' he said gently.
Jack loosened the ring on his finger, holding it out to Ianto.
'When I gave you your ring you gave me a matching one. I never knew how you could have got it. They're made of Baxilian gold...I asked the Doctor to get yours...you told me one day I would understand where mine came from...and now I do' he smiled.
'Take it back with you...keep it safe' he continued 'hide it with the letters' he finished.
'What letters?' asked Ianto.
'When you died' Jack gulped 'you had set a delayed timer on a computer programme...when you weren't there to deactivate it, it sprang into life sending me a message telling me about the secret drawer and the letters'
Ianto looked at him, his Gran's dresser had a secret drawer that she had shown Ianto how to activate but he hadn't kept anything in there since he was a teenager.
'I think you must have started writing them after you got back from this little time trip because the first one talks of how you knew how much it would hurt me when you died..but then you just wrote lots of them... after important events...or good nights' he grinned at Ianto cheekily 'or just if you had something you wanted to tell me..' he said sadly.
Jack looked up at Ianto and pleaded.
'Write them Ianto...I loved them...it hurt to read them...but they gave me a lot of comfort'
Ianto gulped and nodded agreement.
'They must go in the drawer though...because I looked through your stuff regularly' Jack admitted sheepishly 'I've even been known to read your diary' he whispered hardly daring to look at the other man.
'I know' replied Ianto quietly.
Jack grinned at him.
'I thought you might...you sometimes wrote things I think you would have found hard to tell me'
Ianto nodded acknowledging his inability to speak some things out loud.
'Even had some saucy suggestions for our sex life...that I oh so accidentally soon afterwards would ask if you would like to try' Jack winked at him and Ianto laughed.
'Keep it with the letters until you need it' whispered Jack returning the conversation to the rings and handing his over to Ianto.
'I've not been able to communicate with anyone before...all the things I've seen and not been able to talk to you or me or anyone...why now?' asked Ianto.
Jack shrugged.
'Probably because the other you is dead...but I don't really know' he admitted.
'The Doctor...he said I would only travel in my time line...this is outside of that...so why am I here?' asked Ianto.
Jack smiled.
'Still the man with all the questions' he said 'but you are still very much here as far as I'm concerned...maybe that has something to do with it' he said apologetically.
Ianto's hand tingled as he touched Jack to take the ring. It felt like a small electric shock and made him jump slightly.
'We're from different timelines...the universe might let us see and hear each other..but it definitely does not want us to touch' sighed Jack sadly.
'Since when do you follow rules?' laughed Ianto and leaned in and kissed Jack passionately, ignoring the pain.
Jack laughed joyfully as they broke the kiss.
'When you go back...' he began.
'What is it Jack?' asked Ianto as he saw the other man hesitate.
'We only ever had one really big argument Ianto. We were always faithful...before you yell at me for looking at Cara...remember how you looked at David' Jack gazed at him playfully.
Ianto thought about this.
'Who are Cara and David'
'It doesn't matter...they didn't matter...I never cheated on you...just liked to look sometimes...as did you' laughed Jack.
'Jack...unless David is a girl's name in the future I'm unlikely to be looking at him lustfully...' insisted Ianto 'you know it's never been men for me...just you...only you'
'I know Ianto....but you looked...believe me you looked...and wait until you see David, he was worth looking at' laughed Jack.
'I never worried when you looked...I'm sorry I didn't make you feel safe enough not to worry...you didn't need to worry Ianto...you never needed to worry..' he smiled a little sadly at his partner.
Ianto smiled back at him.
'I'll try to remember' he promised.
'Jack...won't this create a paradox...giving me the ring that I eventually give you?' asked Ianto puzzled.
Jack gave this some consideration.
'Don't know' he eventually said 'but you did give it to me...so you have to take it now...look after it and let time look after itself' he decided.
'I'll look after it' promised Ianto.
Jack's eyes were shining with unshed tears as he looked his fill at the young man who had once again not let him down.
'Go back and love as hard as you can...go back and make it good' he said.
'I promise' whispered Ianto as the mist swirled.
TW
Ianto's heart filled with joy. He would be with Jack throughout his life. It was not a normal life, there would be no marriage, no children but lots of love. He wanted to burst with anticipation. But he had to get home or it would never happen.
TWTWTW
Ianto reappeared in the main body of the hub and wanted to cry with relief when he once more saw Gwen, Owen and Toshiko. He watched himself filling out some paperwork and then smiling briefly at his teammates before heading in the direction of the archives.
Ianto stopped himself from following and stayed to listen to his colleagues.
TW
'He's been back a week...looks like he's staying' said Owen.
'Hmm' answered Gwen.
'What?...you think he'll leave again?' asked Toshiko worriedly.
'I don't know' said Gwen 'he's not exactly told us anything has he? Not where he went?... who he was with?...why he left?'
'Maybe it's personal' mused Owen.
'Maybe Ianto knows' suggested Toshiko.
'I don't think so' said Owen 'Ianto's not exactly talking much either...God he's such a bastard...running off'
'Yeah' agreed Gwen 'I don't understand why he won't talk to me'
Toshiko looked at her teammates and wondered if either of them realised how much they needed their leader. She very much doubted that Owen would recognise his own need for Jack to guide and restrain him, almost in the role of substitute father. Gwen was totally in love with the hero she thought Jack was. Toshiko recognised this as a mistake, Jack was no hero, just a flawed human being.
But he did have responsibilities to his team and especially to Ianto. Toshiko thought Ianto was in love with Jack. Both Owen and Gwen would eventually forgive and forget Jack's betrayal. Toshiko thought that Ianto had already forgiven him but she doubted he would ever be able to forget. Her heart ached for her friend.
Toshiko made a sudden decision and marched to Jack's office. She noticed he was watching Ianto on CCTV but ignored his wistful expression and waded straight onto the offensive.
'Jack why did you leave?' she demanded closing the door forcefully.
Jack looked up at his co-worker.
'I had no choice Tosh' he answered.
'Rubbish Jack...there is always a choice' scorned Toshiko.
'I didn't think so' said Jack sadly.
'Well Owen is still wondering why daddy left...Gwen is still wondering where her hero went...and I'm really mad at you Jack' she snarled.
Jack made to say something but Toshiko held up her hand imperiously.
'No!! You do not get to talk right now...Owen and Gwen will get over themselves and I will get past my anger' she looked down at the floor and her anger seemed to calm somewhat.
'But what about Ianto Jack?'
'What about him' asked Jack but there was a catch in his voice.
'Look at him Jack' insisted Toshiko pointing to Ianto's image on the CCTV system.
'You broke him...I can't bear it..put him back together..mend him Jack' and with a sob Toshiko left Jack's office not waiting to see his reaction.
TW
Ianto had always been closer to Toshiko than any of his other teammates and he knew she worried about him, but he felt a warmth spread through him as he watched her determination to save him from further hurt. She had stood up to their boss and confronted him with the results of his actions. He smiled at her fierceness, wanted to hug her for her concern.
He tucked this memory into the back of his mind to peruse again when he returned home and could thank her in person.
I want to go home. I want to allow Jack to mend me he thought.