"Alright you big oaf." Summer Rose entered her office, clad in a white tank top and black shorts. Her beige apron was spotted with stains from flour, yeast and chocolate. As a recreational baker, she wore these battle scars with pride as she strolled towards the slumbering Santa Claus. "Open wide."
Mother Rose had set down a platter of cookies sized to feed every one of Santa's elves that were slaving away, constructing toys for the good little boys and girls. Including the brewers within the factory's basement. While she normally would have baked her beloved friend a variety of flavors, she stuck to baking sugar cookies. This delicacy's beauty was found in its simplicity: cookie dough and sugar. Team Stark's leader could crank out batch after batch until her arms fell out of their sockets. A blood red eyebrow twitched as the fat man's mouth expanded over twice the size of his body. The axe wielding huntress screamed internally as her hard work shifted into a sugar-filled hurricane, the sugary treats funneled towards the back of the old man's throat. Clamping a glass of milk, she thrusted it towards the bearded philanthropist. The cup halted when the huntress had extended her arm fully, the dairy inside however, catapulted into the back of the fat slumbering man's throat.
A single week of baking, gone.
Summer groaned. Why couldn't she have an infinite amount of energy. For Pete's sake, she was dead! And yet here she was needing a good night's rest. Her silver eyes landed on the shirtless gift giver. One good trait about the parasite inside him was that it was a very neat eater. Santa's most capable ally never fretted about wiping a single crumb off her red velvet couch or having to plan a trip Pyrrha's suburban home to borrow her upholstery washer. Though the cleanliness of her office was the least of her worries, because she heard the butt of Melodic Cudgel shove the door to her office open. Summer did not even turn to face her ginger-haired acquaintance. Instead, she fell into her espresso leather chair, leaning into the diamond stitched back, propping her cheek on top of her right hand. The reciprocating elbow resting on her right knee, while her left arm extended across her oakwood desk, 'thudding' the smooth dense surface with pale fingers. The fair skinned woman gave the thief a tired, no-nonsense frown, her eyes lidded with suspicion. While Summer recognized her time spent in the afterlife with Pyrrha Nikos and Roman Torchwick equated to approximately 9,000 years, she refused warm up to him. Even if his soul was good enough to enter the afterlife and live in the North Pole. That ginger man had no idea how fortunate he was to have Pyrrha vouching for him. Otherwise, Summer Rose would have turned down his help at Santa's factory. She recalled a meeting that she held with the two of them.
Summer. Roman had adopted an uncharacteristically serious, yet heartfelt demeanor. You have no reason to trust or like me. He removed his top hat, staring her dead in the eye. I won't make excuses; I caused your daughter much harm during our fights. The worst of it being an attempt to destroy her optimistic, heroic view of Remnant. Hell, I was insulting you personally as I did it. The master thief felt Pyrrha envelop his left hand, she flanked his side. Summer remembered how the red headed Mistralian gazed at him with sad eyes. Your daughter became a victim of my evil actions, and for that I am sorry. Roman shifted uncomfortably as he met the Emerald eyes that lay beside him. The afterlife has changed me for the better, and I want to give back, please- Roman bowed, lowering himself off the couch and onto one knee. Let me help you spread Christmas cheer; I will do whatever you ask. Summer recalled a bead of sweat tread down his neck. Even if it means going door to door, letting the townsfolk hear my ever-so-lovely voice…
He had become her most reliable employee. Although Summer would not admit to her daughter's former arch nemesis. Roman had kept his word up, swallowing his pride with every activity he participated in. Whether it was handing out candy to children, singing Christmas carols, finding, chopping and carrying trees back for his neighbors, or assembling toys with the elves. That was not his specialty, no matter how much she wanted to deny it. Summer Rose could not argue with his ability to guide Santa Claus into the land of the living. As a gentleman thief, Summers fellow colleague approached her for the job, showcasing his superb and methodical planning skills, that were proven real and useful, as they witnessed every heist Torchwick had spearheaded through the jolly gift giver's snow globe. It had taken Summer a long while to digest just how effective Roman was on the other end of Santa's headset, making them a deadly combo that kept the clock polite and disciplined. Summers' boss morphed into a master of silence with Roman's guidance, not a single child or parent in the land of the living had risen from their slumber while the fat red suited man infiltrated every home on Remnant, the only trail left behind was a gift for each member of the household.
She watched the thief take a seat in one of the guest chairs across from her desk. "Boss." He greeted. Summer never understood why he refused to call her by her name. Mrs. Rose was more than appropriate. Even if they weren't exactly friends, he didn't have to treat her like she was a Kingpin running a mafia syndicate. Perhaps it was just an old habit of his, though according to Pyrrha, Summer Rose was the only person he willingly gifted that title to. "We have a problem." He looked down to the floor, the brim of his top hat covering his eyes.
Ugh, he is such a drama king, she rolled her eyes "Tell me something I don't know Torchwick." The martyred huntress waved a hand in the air carelessly. "We ARE in the afterlife, there isn't a problem large enough to re-dig our graves over."
"No, this one is grand." She almost laughed as he stole one of Pyrrha's favorite words. The thief looked back up to her. "We have unexpected visitors in the afterlife. I have visual confirmation that Neptune Vasilias and Adam Taurus are housed in the suburbs without a halo."
Summer leaned forward, resting her head on her hand once more. "While it IS rare for people to wonder into the afterlife as they dream it DOES happen." She closed her eyes, blowing out a deep sigh. "You of all people should know this."
Does anyone pay attention when I lecture them?
Jaune certainly hadn't, the boys' eyes had roamed all over her body, before visually soaking in her daughters. An evil smile graced her lips, as she was gifted a VIP ticket to watch her youngest daughter court the blonde knight. Had Summer been gifted the power to arrange Ruby's marriage she would have made the exact same choice that her spitting image was gunning for.
Roman gritted his teeth, unaware of her wondering mind. "Of course, I know that. You only tell me and those in our circle about it EVERY time we have a report of a human or faunus without a halo. This ISN'T normal. We see an average of 10 people in one month." He stood up, meeting her eye's head on, as he fished out printed documents of each wanderer he discovered, which was a fat stack that slammed onto her desk. "A whole village in ONE night."
Summer rocketed out of her seat. Summer Rose had three roads she could travel in a situation like this. Truth, doubt, or lie. The mini Summer inside her head slammed the Y button with an open palm, a mysterious chime echoed throughout her brain. "Don't bullshit me Roman." She walked around the desk, throwing a finger in front of his nose. "You might be a veteran at selling a lie, but that one is too steep, even for you."
Summer's eyes widened as she watched the thief chuckle at her accusation. She harumphed, just what did that orange creamsicle haired buffoon find so funny anyway? Ozpin's former weapon for the future tore the apron off her chest, clutching it in her right fist, she would show that stupid bird not to laugh at her. "Shut up Qrow! You're one to talk with your bad luck-
Summer froze in her tracks her right arm stopped midway, as the STRQ's deceased leader abruptly halted herself from spiking her cloak at Roman. Her pupils shrunk, mortified at calling the thief by the name of her best friend. Ruby's mom shivered with fright, as loneliness hollowed out the front she put on day in and day out. She felt tears swell up in her eyes. How long had it been since she was crushed underneath the rubble? Why did her calm aura shatter into a million pieces. Sure, unwanted emotions only lightly graced her consciousness, but she could send them all away a flick of her finger.
This felt too real, it was as if she were back on Remnant.
The thief across from her rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. Even after multiple millennia the ginger gentleman thief was way out of his depth when it came to comforting a crying woman. It was a miracle her streams of tears didn't evolve into wailing.
She wanted to have a beer with Qrow, to punch Raven in the gut but most of all…
…She wanted Tai.
Nothing in the afterlife could replace the way she melted into his arms. How long has it been since she could truly let herself go. Even in the damn afterlife she was this untouchable hero everyone aspired to be. Her parents were here to support her but…
She rooted herself to the floor as was enveloped inside a pair of stoney arms. The awkward tension was so thick, she could cut it with a knife, both her and Roman refused to say anything. While she was grateful for Torchwick's efforts to ease her loneliness, her body tingled with an awkward aura as the side of her cheek was against the chest of the tall, slim man. At the very least it replaced her left field sorrow with fidgety tension. "Th-thankyou Roman…" she witnessed her vision revive itself once more as Summer watched the red coat crook hastily step backward, nearly tripping on the leg of the guest chair. Summer Rose quirked an eyebrow up at him. "We aren't close Roman…" she locked eyes with the rogue, before they slid to the side, she had to bleed the next sentence from a rock in the Grimmlands "…but I don't hate you." She brushed a lock of crimson hair behind her ear, adjusting the collar of her white tank top. "At least not anymore, your showboating is beyond grueling." He adopted a smirk as she rolled her eyes "but you have been a good man since you were devoured by that wyvern."
Her roguish colleague, bent down to his knees, gagging at her last sentence. "Uggh, remind me of that why don't you." He stood straight once more, coughing into his left fist. Summer watched as he adopted his trademark pose, arching his legs into a triangle, with both hands resting atop Melodic Cudgel. She would admit that the man had style that was firmly backed with confidence, especially while he stood in front of her arched window, with tufts of snow breezing by gently in the night winds. Despite that she wondered how Pyrrha could find attraction in him, perhaps the Mistralian needed a void to fill with Jaune soldiering on in the land of the living. Afterall, she knew full well how much she loved doting on Jaune during their time at Beacon. And ironically enough Roman had that psychopath of a partner Neopolitan. Pyrrha would talk about how that crazy psychotic bitch was a surrogate daughter of his.
Summer hadn't spent much time stalking them once she had passed away to the land of the dead. She sighed, the afterlife was calm and boring, the only exception was Halloween and Christmas. She never needed to talk to her daughter's former nemesis, since she spent most of her waking hours watching over her beloved family. She sat down on the red velvet couch beside Old Saint Nick.
She patted the seat beside her. "Sit Roman." The thief did his best to hide the shudder of fear, though STRQ's leader did catch his brief 'hop' at having his been told to sit beside her.
A bead of sweat descended his cheek. "I-is that an order?" he shuddered. Summer grumbled, while she almost said no. She paused briefly before nodding her head firmly. Having been a team leader of a notoriously troublesome group of teenagers that would set off bombs in the cafeteria the moment she turned her back. The 'S' in STRQ learned the hard way not to give an inch when it came to disciplining her team. Whether that was getting Taiyang to study for an exam, Raven to stop picking fights with her team and classmates, or frisking Qrow for any boot sized bottles of liquor, or any other drugs that he smuggled onto campus. Despite the command the axe wielder gave her subordinate, Summer watched as his avulsion to being mentally vulnerable guided him to a chair that sat forward of the couch's left arm.
"What happened after Beacon?" She probed. The thief scowled at her question, the brim of his hat concealing his eyes as Remnants greatest thief gritted his teeth. "You already know what happened after Beacon fell Summer…"
Crap baskets! Her eyes widened briefly; she had failed to provide context with her question. "I apologize." Summer closed her eyes, clearing her throat. "What happened after WE graduated Beacon."
An elf sporting a green button-down shirt, tucked into yellow pants, and polished black dress shoes that boasted an impressive toe that twisted into a spiral. He had tight curly hair, blue eyes and a wide beaming smile that wrapped her heart in a warm blanket. Summer wished she could send him to visit Raven and wake her as she slumbered, the horrifying screams would be priceless to watch. After all her worst nightmare had always been being forced to hear a nice man sing her a happy song. The unusually tall elf handed her a mug of steaming coffee.
He stood straight, proud and tall "I made it just as you like it Mrs. Rose." He spoke with a hint of nervousness. "Yeti Dark roast coffee, 3 spoons of sugar, no cream, mixed with chocolate to form a mocha blend." She almost lost her calm polite demeanor as Roman shivered in blatant fear at the elf who did not sport a mean bone in her body. She gently took the fine bone mug from his strong callous hands honed with years of writing children's books and building toys. She slurped the exquisitely dark liquid, humming with joy as she felt the hot, bold drink caress her tongue, it concluded by gifting her remnants of milk chocolate as she swallowed her mouthful.
"It's perfect, thankyou Buddy." She felt her soul jump up and down, as Buddy the elf beamed with pride. "Oh! I am SO happy you love it Mrs. Rose." He thrusted his arms in the air, jumping with joy. He bent over, bringing his lips to her right ear, before hiding them behind one hand. The tall elf turned to look at Roman. "He wants everyone to THINK he is naughty, but in reality, he is almost as nice as you." Summer choked as she tried to hide her bubbling laughter. Buddy voiced his words as if they were a whisper, but the volume was loud enough for Roman to overhear the two of them. Santa's most faithful huntress shooed Buddy out of the room once the Gingers expression had darkened. Leaning into the rear of the green high back chair. He sighed sitting himself upright.
"You will have to be more specific Boss."
Summer did her best to hide a nasty frown behind a sip of her beloved beverage. "You were in the same class of huntsman as I was." She set down her mug on the oakwood coffee table. "You were different, you still have your over-the-top personality, but it was different more…jolly." She recalled his sense of fashion. It was still very eye catching, and he still had expensive taste. The cane wielding ex-huntsman had worn a vibrant silk button down with a diamond pattern, displaying a bright mixture of purple, gold and green. He wore his hair long too, tied back in a ponytail. Though his trousers and shoes were the same color if she remembered correctly, donning a gala mask whenever his team were sent out on missions. His team had been led by none other than Glynda GoodWitch followed by Peter Port, Bartholomew Oobleck, and finally the man who sat across from her, his ridged stoney posture was a stark contrast to the fledging young man he had once been. Team Galipot (GPOT) were a team notorious for their scheming tactics during battle.
"Summer…" said woman perked up with unmasked surprise when GPOT's deceased member referred to STRQ's leader by her first name. She watched as he removed his top hat, setting it on the table. "That was a long time ago. I…was always a crook." He admitted with a deep sigh. "Ozpin saw my saw my potential and believed that I was not totally lost to the ways of the world." Summer watched the ginger thief turn to face the fire that crackled underneath their chimney, the flames teasing the black snowflake patterned fire dogs that elevated the burning logs above the floor of her hearth. "You remember Mountain Glenn, right?" Summer nodded her head. "I told myself I would never marry or have kids of my own, that decision was taken out of my hands." He titled his head back a nostalgic smile graced his lips. "A little girl had become orphaned after the fall of that city. I met her because she attempted to snag my watch, it was a hilariously poor theft." The thief let out a barking laughter.
Summer leaned forward head inside her hands. "Please don't tell me you taught her how to steal." The silver eyed warrior bristled, when the man crossed his legs, slinging the cane over his shoulder.
"Oh, I did, and more!" Summer fell over the back of the couch. Roman continued uninterrupted
"I taught her how to defend herself, how to cook, hell I even sent that blonde to school." Summer sat up; gob smacked. Roman a father?! She wanted to remain surprised at that fact, but when she looked back at his master/protégé relationship with Neo, and now here in the afterlife sharing a home with Pyrrha Nikos.
"What happened to her Roman?" Summer stared at him with naked concern. "What happened to your daughter?" Roman's facial expression darkened.
"She was sentenced to life in prison, for microwaving-
/~/
"Pizza?"
"Yep." Ren nodded in satisfaction. The oriental young man, who absolutely was not a chef posing as a huntsman tossed some dough in the air. "Although ham in usually customary for Christmas, I think we should change it up here a bit, don't you agree?" He turned his magenta eye's to Jaune's long lost partner. She, like himself also wore a beige apron, the difference in their outfit was what was layered underneath. Ren thought that he had the right idea by wearing a white chef's outfit with the tall cylinder-shaped hat, with his hair tied neatly into a bun, a hair net was sandwiched between both hat and hair. Pyrrha on the other hand had worn something far more liberal and unprofessional. A tight red mini dress with her back completely exposed, though thankfully the dress covered her entire front, fitting her neck like a glove. She was also wearing golden high heels, the rods were square, thick, with the distal side rounded to match the anatomy of heels, boasted a tall sole, giving the already tall young woman an extra boost in height that put the top of her head well above his own.
"Pyrrha…" Ren sighed. Deadpanning at his deceased teammate. Her emerald eyes glanced to the side nervously, cheeks bright red. Even after all these years in the afterlife, Ren noticed that her nice and sometimes shy nature hadn't faded a bit. "While I am flattered with your effort to make…" he paused, thinking carefully on his next words as he and the reluctant advocate for Pumpkin Pete's cereal had the master kitchen to themselves. Summer Rose entrusted him with perfecting his dish, before sending the next shift their meal once they were relieved. The two were surrounded by a myriad of flagship cooking appliances. Behind him was natural gas stove with pipes shooting up through the ceiling coated in off white paint that matched the walls. To his left rear was two ovens that were stacked into one cohesive unit. To his left right was a cabinet outfitted with non-stick skillets, wooden cutting boards, and a variety of pots. The counter above had a variety of pizza toppings spread out across a large cutting board, that he had chopped and sorted earlier. While in front of him was YET another oven flanked by another set of cabinets, with the left corner sporting a massive refrigerator next to a nearly equal sized freezer. With the exit to the kitchen on his right.
"Make an attractive impression on me." He sighed deeply. "I am on my way to being taken." Ren felt stupid for that last line. He knew Nora liked him romantically, and he felt the same way about her. However, there was this lingering feeling that he wasn't good enough for his old friend. The fast man feared that his pessimistic nature would destroy everything he held loved about her were they to ever become intimate with one another.
"Hello, Ren?" Pyrrha waved a hand in front of him. The master chef shook his head so that he could snap back to reality. Though all he could hear was a black hedgehog with red spikes monologuing after he defeated a fat crazy doctor with a moustache holding an unfathomable amount of styling gel to keep it perpendicular with his chin. The old hedgehog shouted, "This is who I am!" Before walking away from the defeated egg-shaped villain. Oddly enough Ren felt he could relate to the edgy hedgehog.
He watched Pyrrha tap the heads of her index fingers together. "This outfit…" her eyes shifted left and right. "Is not for you, it's for Jaune."
Ren's eyes instantly perked up. "Wait, wait." The young man held both hands out in front of him. "You're going for the plunge, aren't you? I want to be happy for you but…" He rubbed the back of his head nervously, while pointing at her hand. "Aren't you taken? You're with Roman T-
Ren refused to believe those two were together. It made no sense whatsoever. Sure, he and Pyrrha did not invest a lot of time at Beacon with just the two of them. As She had been training Jaune late into the night, while he and Nora did what they did best: he would listen to her with one ear open, correcting her on any slips ups she had in her outlandish stories. Regardless of JNPR's tendency to split up into two halves at the end of each day, Ren knew Pyrrha was not the type to cheat, then again, she claimed to be in an intimate relationship with RWBY's former arch nemesis.
There is something else at play here.
Ren crossed his arms "I still refuse to believe you have any romantic feelings for that man."
Pyrrha scratched the back of her head. "We DO genuinely care for one another and stop gagging!" Ren composed himself after the spartan shouted at the gunslinging huntsman. Pyrrha turned her arm upright showing off her fingers. A diamond ring found a cozy home on her middle finger, rather than her fourth digit. "I am a single woman."
Ren's eyes narrowed. "For the night only?" he guessed.
"For the night only." Pyrrha confirmed. Ren watched his fellow Mistralian drop her hand back down to her side. "You don't seem to like that idea."
Ren turned around, pacing over to the kitchen before he lost his cool. He sauced his pizza crust, distributing the pepperoni as evenly as possible, before he set it atop his pizza tray, the handheld platform screeched' against the metal wire shelf as he slid his cuisine into the oven, shut the door, turning the knob to 375 degrees Fahrenheit, before the machine made a 'beep-boop' noise, notifying the ninja that the oven began baking.
He turned to face the once 'Invincible Girl' who leaned back against the fridge. The Introvert of team JNPR rolled his eyes. "Sure, I like it." He threw his arms up in the air. "Just as much as I like watching Jaune having his heart being toyed with."
Pyrrha recoiled in shock, placing one hand over her chest. "Ren…" Her heels clicked against the square brick colored tile that seemed to exist in every commercial kitchen known to mankind. "You know I would never do that to Jaune, because-
Ren stared at her, eyes narrowing "Because you love him?"
Pyrrha paused, her cheeks heated up before nodding.
The man in green closed his eyes, sighing. And I thought Jaune was the only dense one within our team. The man with long black hair hummed to himself. No, Pyrrha is smarter than that. And while I would have encouraged this selfish plan of hers back in Beacon, a lot has changed since then.
Especially since he, Nora, and Jaune accompanied Ruby on her journey to Mistral. The reaper had lost her team, so he Jaune and Nora helped fill that void. Ren's brother in arms had lost his partner to that wretched woman, thankfully Ruby Rose was there when the blonde knight needed her most. Team RNJR's journey hadn't been entirely filled with sorrow. They all goofed off together. Nora made them sing a weird song they never heard of dubbed the: "Camp Fire Song Song.", the four had organized a dart throwing contest where the winner takes all. Though Ren could only smile at what was almost the best day of his life, second only to RNJR killing that damn Nuckelavee.
Ruby, Nora, Jaune, and himself had let themselves go completely, getting drunk during a festival being held in the village of Sirohima. Jaune surprised all of them, when he took Ruby by the hand, hoisted her onto the dance floor, a rush of blonde confidence had persuaded the weapons geek to drink with him, the ninja had barked in laughter as Nora egged them both on. Ren's fearless leader and his second half challenged Ruby and himself to a drunken dancing contest. He had hoisted an unconscious Nora over his shoulder, while Ruby and Jaune supported one another as they stumbled up the ancient staircase and to their room for the night. It was without a doubt, after that night Ren knew two things.
Ruby and Jaune loved one another.
And neither would admit it.
It was this budding romance between both team leaders that fueled the steam behind his words "Did Roman put you up to this?" Ren clenched his fists as he interrogated her. "Because this plan has him written all over it."
Pyrrha shrugged her shoulders. She sauntered around the room, tracing her fingers across the countertop. "I will admit, his roguish personality has made more…proactive in seeking out what I want." She stopped in her tracks, turning herself around to face Ren once more.
"You've changed Pyrrha, and I am reluctant to say it is for the better."
The huntress with bright red locks folded her hands gently in front of her, cocking her head to the side. She closed her eyes; her warm and gentle smile greatly mismatched her sinister intentions. "I can assure that I have changed, and that the plan is all mine." The tall, young woman eyed the band that twirled around her index finger. "And is for the better." She closed her eyes and shrugged carelessly. "All I needed was a little encouragement."
You never encouraged me to act with Jaune. She didn't say.
"Nora and I encouraged you as often as you would allow." Ren felt a drop of sweat run down his forehead, as Jaune's deceased partner shot lasers from her eyes. "And yet you refused to act, you cannot falsely accuse us of not trying to help you."
The ninja knew Pyrrha couldn't counter his argument with a factual statement, so she responded with more intimidation by stepping into his personal space. Nora's lifelong friend stood his ground as the famed huntress's eyes locked onto him, both Emerald and Magenta declaring war on one another. The two stood on near equal footing, Pyrrha given a height advantage thanks to her seductive choice in footwear. "Then I ask that you do not accuse me of doing what I should have done before Beacon fell."
"It's too late for that Pyrrha." Ren kept his gaze on her, the stoic man's brotherhood with his team leader kept him grounded. "I have no desire to argue with you, and I am happy to be reunited with you once more-
Pyrrha's glare softened.
-but I cannot let you seduce my team leader."
Shit, that was a poor choice of words.
Pyrrha's glare shifted maliciously. The dual wielder could hear her thoughts scream from inside her head:
MY team leader? Not OUR team leader?!
Ren watched as Mistral's deceased prodigy backed away from him. Ren quirked an eyebrow upward in confused relief as he watched her saunter over to the refrigerator. The redhead opened the door, before bending over and sliding a plastic drawer open. She retrieved her desired object, shutting the bottom compartment with an audible 'thud'. The fridge abruptly rocked back and forth due after she thrusted it shut, the gunslinger of team JNPR's face only grew more puzzled as he spotted a tray of gingerbread cookies he had baked earlier for Nora.
"Pyrrrrrrha…" Ren drawled anxiously. The young man shifted his legs into a wide stance, adrenaline began coursing through his body. "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to teach you a lesson Ren." Pyrrha cackled internally. Though her smile might have appeared warm at first sight, Ren shivered from the wicked aura that emitted from her dimples. "If my time in the land of the living has taught me anything is that being nice-
She held set the tray on the counter beneath the microwave, before standing on her left foot, with her right knee bent, with the heel of the reciprocating foot love tapping her rear. She cocked her head over her right shoulder, wearing a smile that was more appropriate on Neo.
-doesn't get you what you want…"
Pyrrha retrieved the tray she had laid on the laminate counter earlier.
Wait? She wouldn't DARE ruin his baking!? Especially since it was for Nora! "Pyrrha NO, stop! Ren sprinted towards the Spartan reaching out to halt Pyrrha in her nefarious endeavors, his efforts were in vain, however, as a heel to the abdomen thrusted him backwards. He successfully regained his footing before tugging his head back up to witness a whirlwind of pots and pans that spiraled towards him.
"Fuck." He said with no hint of emotion as his body was compressed into the side of the refrigerator.
Jaune, Ruby. If you can hear me right now, just know that I tried…
…But being naughty." She grasped the handle of the microwave, the door 'clicked' open as she pulled back on the handle. Swinging outward to reveal any empty box with a floor mounted turntable, illuminated by a warm halogen lightbulb. "Being naughty is rewarding."
Ren cringed as he just imagined Pyrrha and Jaune getting ready to knock their socks off.
Pyrrha's voice took on a creepy dark edge as the Great One's demonic voice echoed through her words. "Being naughty gets me what I want." She imprisoned Ren's gingerbread men within the culinary appliance. Ren's eyes threatened to pop out of their sockets as he heard her press several buttons. A few 'beeps' sounded off as the red head punched in her desired time, followed by a 'boop' once she jabbed the start button with her index finger. Ren shivered in fear as chills tumbled down his spine. Meanwhile, Jaune's martial tutor turned her booty towards him spanking one of her ass cheeks. "I bet Nora hasn't done that for you~"
Ren's cheeks heated in embarrassment. Okay, he could understand the logic behind Pyrrha's desire to engage in sexual intercourse with Jaune, but to see the good-hearted, soft-spoken woman taunt and insult him by slapping her rear and calling out Nora was a bit of a stretch. Not even Roman could persuade her to take such a bold action. Then a random, illogical thought crossed the cold desert that was the mind of Lie Ren.
Is Pyrrha being posse-
His thoughts were cut off as the microwave exploded. Shrapnel shot out in all directions as Ren felt the magnetic force pressing him against the wall of Santa's fridge disappear. The young man nearly faceplanted, catching himself on all fours before his forehead could careen into the filthy floor beneath him. Long black locks draped down on all sides of his head. Therefore, the Colt 1911 enthusiast had to 'whip' his hair backward to throw his silky-smooth mane out of his field of view. Though he wished he hadn't because it was to see Pyrrha staring in horror at what Ren could only describe as a human sized gingerbread man standing roughly six feet tall, a katana slung over his back. The dough boy wore a deep angry frown on his face, his eyebrows drawn downward in unfiltered rage as he unleashed a starved growl. The comically flat villain rotated in place turning to face the green garbed hunter, who was surrounded by a liter of pots and pans. Ren gulped as the life size treat wore a primal, vicious grin that was filled with candy corn fangs. He tugged on one of the red gumball buttons before it 'popped' off his chest.
"Ha, ha!" he cackled. Tossing the gumball up and down, while eyeing the oriental man with hungry frosting eyes. "Time to play dodge ball Renny!"
"Gee." Ren rolled his eyes. "You remind me of someone I met before, but for whatever reason I can't recall who." The Loreal Paris sponsor adopted a smirk that was so out of character, that drained all the color from the face of Jaune's martial arts mentor. "It must be because your face is so forgettable…" He retrieved a pair of shades that he kept stowed away in his pants pocket for this sole occasion. He put them on, before striking a pose that perfectly matched the elite beat agents, thrusting his right finger towards the iced abomination.
…and UGLY!"
The flat, edible warrior released a perfect match to the loud nigra scream. An army of sour patch kids formed a rainbow stream that flowed out of his mouth. They all charged towards Ren. While he wanted to believe the sweet and sour midgets were as harmless as they appeared. The gunslinger didn't risk it he retrieved the left half of StormFlower, disengaging the safety on the polished emerald 1911 before opening fire on the hoard of gummy castle crashers. Pyrrha covered her ears as the fully automatic handgun unleashed a stream of 45 caliber FMJ projectiles. All sense of hearing was gone, as Ren did his best to mentally block the painful ringing in his eardrums. Nora's second half, ruing the day he decided against forking over the extra lien to have StormFlower's barrels threaded to accept a suppressor. Considering that most of his battles as huntsman took place outdoors.
Pyrrha Nikos was covered in strands of white frosting that found a home on her hair, face, and raunchy outfit. The spartan did the only thing she was obligated to do in a situation like this. She squinted her eyes nervously, rested her right cheek against a pair of folded hands and gently 'squeezed' out her iconic statement.
"I'm sorry."
Storm Flower's first hammer dropped on an empty chamber the subtle 'click' greatly contrasted Ren uttering "shit." Through gritted teeth. He barrel-rolled to his left before a gumball could knock the snot out of his brain. He panned his head to the right to see the redhead on her knees. "I could use some help Pyrrha." He pleaded. The former huntress made mouthed "Oh" her eyes wide before she cringed. Her arms arched formed a triangle, with her loose fists forming the apex that hid her mouth from his point-of-view.
"I'm sorry I…don't have my weapon anymore…"
"WHAT?" Ren's eyes widened in alarm. "What do you mean you don't have your weapon anymore?! Ren almost lost one of his gun blade's as her thrusted his arms outward, clamping down on the grip before it was sent flying.
At least Pyrrha had the dignity to look embarrassed. "Ren, I haven't fought in over 8,000 years."
Ren almost corrected that outlandish statement to 1 year but remember that time passed so slowly in the afterlife that the dial up CCT service in Kuroyuri during his childhood could run circles around it. "Right…maybe you could improvise?"
A spark of life found its way into her Emerald orbs that Ren hadn't realized was missing until now. The warm, motherly smile team RWBY and JNPR had come to know, and love found its way onto the cherry redheads face once more. "Ren, it would be my pleasure." She attracted a glass frying pan lid into her left hand, jumping across the room. She placed it between herself and the barrage of burning marshmallow's that the Ninja bread man spewed from his mouth as she soared through the air, shielding herself. She then grasped a broom that had been propped up in the corner across from the refrigerator.
"Ow!"
Ren looked down to the outside of his left shin just above the ball of his ankle. A sour patch kid bit into his leg drawing blood. He stabbed the piece of living candy with his thumb, killing it on the spot, before tossing his sweet n sour corpse across the room. Ren's eyes widened in alarm.
I don't have aura!? How did I not realize this sooner?
Perhaps it wasn't the fact that he was absent of the soul shield Ren and his friends took for granted, but rather that the sour patch kids could penetrate through it. The stoic, young man prayed it was the latter. He yelled out a warning to his teammate. "Watch out Pyrrha!"
The red head wall jumped to avoid another giant gumball that splattered into a fiery haze in the corner she once occupied landing gracefully before crouching down to one knee, bringing her glass shield in front of her head, deflecting the glowing lasers that shot out of the monsters' eyes, the beam burned a hole into the ceiling above them. A bell on the wall 'dinged' rapidly, before the sprinklers above them sprouted a thick haze of rain in response to the fire in the corner. Unfortunately, the gumball had ignited a trash can, birthing a living example of a dumpster fire. "What for Ren?"
"The sour patch kids!" He shouted in naked horror. "They eat through aura!"
Pyrrha deadpanned. "I'm dead Ren, remember?"
Said hunter cleared his throat as he dropped the magazine from the one of his pristine handguns. He felt a warm feeling inside his chest as Pyrrha vented with a healthy fit of laughter. She gift-wrapped him a teasing gaze. "What's your name, Jaune?"
Now it was his turn to burst out laughing. "Yeah, Jaune would say something like that." The young man with pristine black hair stood up, walking out from cover to stand beside her as they faced the monster derived from Ren's baking. The sugary monster paused to stare at him, before breathing fire from its mouth as he waved his arms in the air.
"I am the Ninja Bread Man!" his shout echoed throughout their culinary playground, he retrieved the katana from his back with his right hand. Ren almost thought it would break off from flexing too much, though it remained intact. All while tossing another one of his gumball buttons in the air, ech red sphere on his belly respawning minutes after he 'popped' one off his chest. "And I will drown any trespasser in the afterlife with my balls!"
Ren nearly died right then and there in a fit of laughter. If it was anyone else, they would have bent over laughing, like Pyrrha Nikos was doing right now. The broom wielding Spartan almost lost her footing, as she coughed with every chortle. Instead, he hid it behind a smirk that wavered at the Ninja Bread man's poor choice of words "You really need to refine your vocabulary…"
"RAAAAAGHH!"