Old habits died hard. No matter how hard Rhett Butler had tried to rid himself of all his habits towards his wife he still found himself casting a snide remark in her direction or, as was the case this evening, watching her every move out of the corner of his eye. He'd spent the better part of their relationship watching her across crowded rooms. From the first day they met when war broke out, between the states as well as between Rhett and his better judgement, he had always been attracted to the way she deftly moved around a room flitting like a butterfly. Today she was more like a moth; dark and brittle.
"Daddy," Bonnie cried, tugging on his sleeve, "I wanna cookies."
"Before dinner?"
She nodded. "If I wait til after dinner I won't be able to eat as many."
He laughed out loud at her honesty. Time would come when she'd be forced to hide her true thoughts for the sake of social acceptance just as he had been forced to bite his tongue in order to be accepted in polite southern society again. In the meantime she would have free reign to say whatever she thought and do whatever she wanted.
He remembered another bright eyed girl with a propensity for being overly honest. He remembered Scarlett's statement on Pitty Pat Hamilton's porch when he asked her to be his mistress. He also remembered her words to him on the staircase of their home when she announced her pregnancy. Yes, Scarlett was able to speak the truth no matter how cruel it may be.
He looked at her talking to Melanie Wilkes. Or at least Melanie was talking. Scarlett was staring off blankly as if sleepwalking or in a trance. Even though she was physically much better than she'd been before her convalescence at Tara she was still not well. Her appetite had never returned, either for food or living. She no longer spent her days shopping or working or even scheming. When they'd sit at opposite ends of the large dining table with the children talking about what happened during each person's day she never had a real answer. "The same as usual," she'd state before turning her attention back to pushing the food around her plate.
No, Scarlett wasn't well. She looked even worse than usual tonight and seemed unsteady on her feet.
"Uncle Rhett," Ella said softly, "Can I have cookies too?"
"Well, I see a nice big stack of them over on that table. Why don't you girls go and get some."
"Will you come too Daddy?"
Rhett gently guided them towards the refreshment table. "No, I'll go keep a watch so your Mother won't catch you." He winked at the girls and then walked towards Scarlett. His steps became longer as he saw her swooning and he managed to make it to catch her just as she began to fall. He put his arm around her waist and held her upright as her head lolled against his shoulder.
"Bring her to the guest room," Melanie said quietly. The guests were all so wrapped up in their celebrations that nobody seemed to have noticed what was happening with the Butler's. Anyone who looked up would only see a man in an intimate embrace with his wife as they walked, although a second glance would probably detect the fact that Scarlett's feet were inches off the ground.
"Poor dear," Melanie said as Rhett laid Scarlett on the small bed. "We we're just talking and suddenly... I'll go fetch Dr. Mead."
Rhett only nodded, his thoughts preoccupied with the prone form on the bed. Her face was drawn, a testament to her restless nights. He'd often heard her at all hours of the night, either sneaking downstairs for a drink or simply pacing in the room across the hall. The truth was that he wasn't sleeping well either. Years of needing to be alert at all hours of the night to detect an approaching storm, or angry husband, led to bouts of insomnia. Having to seep in the brightly lit room he shared with Bonnie certainly didn't help matters.
The truth was that he hadn't had a truly good nights sleep since the day Scarlett banished him from their bedroom. Before that, in the all too brief zenith of their marital accord, he'd always been able to find peace from holding her tightly in his arms. No other woman before or since had been able to tame his restless spirit. Sometimes when he'd hear her up late at night he considered simply going over, knocking on her door, and then greeting her with a kiss that would leave them both breathless. In these moments of fantasy he'd imagine her crumbling under his ardor as she had when he proposed. Eventually she'd relent and admit that she missed him before begging him to come back to her bed.
These fantasies were dissolved by the harsh light of day. Scarlett could barely look him in the eye. She'd be more likely to slap him than kiss him, and he couldn't even blame her. His memories of their last night together were hazy. He remembered grabbing her and forcing her to the bed, but he also thought he remembered her wrapping her legs around his waist and refusing to let him go even after he'd collapsed against her. The bits he could recall-the smell of sex and sweat, the feel of her lips traveling down his body, the sound of her moaning into his ear the words of desire he'd always wanted her to say- they all seemed too good to be true. All he knew for sure was one moment he was threatening to crush her skull with his bare hands and the next he was waking up in her bed, her thighs showing purple bruises in the shape of his fingers.
He'd run away out of fear of what he might have done to her. Even though more than a few of Atlanta's esteemed gentlemen had suggested that what his wife needed was a good beating he was not a man prone to violence. At least not against the fairer sex. He'd no problem on the battlefield or in a duel. Even in a bar fight he'd gladly throw a punch at anyone he felt was a real opponent. Harming a woman, or any person who was weaker than him, was unacceptable. It reminded him too much of the father from who he often worried he'd inherited more than his dark eyes.
He reached out and pressed his hand against her cheek and caressed the soft skin down her to her neck. He pulled away suddenly when he heard the door open.
"What is the big emergency," Dr. Mead said before seeing Scarlett.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be more specific but I didn't want," Melanie swallowed the rest of the sentence. She didn't want to cause people to begin talking about Scarlett again now that things had just started to quiet down. That wasn't something you could just come out and say but from the look the doctor and Rhett gave her it was unnecessary. They already knew.
"I'm going to need some smelling salts." When Melanie left the room to fetch some he spoke openly. "Scarlett isn't prone to fainting except when..."
"I can assure you that isn't the issue. I still think she's unwell from the accident."
"There is nothing wrong with her body. No lasting physical damage. She could carry another child with no problem at all. In fact, it might be good for her."
Rhett smiled but it was incongruous with his standoffish body language. "Is this particular advice your professional opinion, or is your wife so desperate for new gossip that you've taken to creating some for her?"
"The body isn't the only thing that can be broken. Many times when a woman has this type of loss she experiences melancholia which can only be cured by replacing the loss."
Further conversation was thankfully finished when Melanie returned. Rhett stepped out of the room while Dr. Mead conducted his examination, although he suspected it wasn't necessary. As much as he hated to admit it the man was right. Not about having another child. That was patently absurd. Scarlett wouldn't experience another pregnancy barring an immaculate conception. He would not allow himself to have a moment of weakness as he had last time and he was equally sure that Scarlett would never have him willingly.
The old goat did have a point about Scarlett's condition no longer being physical which left Rhett at a loss of what to do. If Tara wasn't able to solve this problem he was unsure what could. His wife was not the type to talk about her feelings or even vocalize a need. Usually he'd been able to anticipate what she wanted and provide it for her at once. Now, he felt adrift. The only thing he could do was try to continue to treat her in the polite was he had since the accident. Even though he'd had a few slips where he's jibed her, most recently about the fall of her carpetbagger friends, for the most part he'd been able to keep those comments to himself. He would work harder to temper his words in an effort to prevent hurting her more than he already had.
"Is she alright?" he asked when Melanie came out of the room.
"She's just tired. A good nights rest and I'm sure she'll be just fine."
"I'll take her home and then come back for..."
Melanie shook her head. "Oh, no, I couldn't ask you to do that. She needs you Captain Butler. I'll make your excuses at the party and gather the children for you. Don't worry about the surprise. We'll just have to do it some other time. There will be more parties before Christmas."
Rhett couldn't find a way to disagree with her and so he relented, but not before saying that he'd have a party at his own home to make up for having to leave so early. He assured Melanie it wouldn't be any problem since Scarlett loved planning parties and, truthfully, it was the servants who would be doing all of the work. After thanking Melanie and Doctor Mead he finally went to face his now conscious wife.
"I'm so embarrassed," she mumbled, "I suppose that all of town thinks I got drunk or something."
"Most likely. Although it wasn't based on the events of this evening. That is our little secret, and you know how good I am at keeping secrets."
"Some secret. Half the town saw me faint like some ninny."
"Lucky for you I was able to rescue you before anyone noticed. Truly, Scarlett, your reputation remains as tarnished as it was at the start of the evening." Immediately regretting his words he offered her his hand. "Let's get you home."
Tentatively Scarlett took his offered arm as he helped her to her feet. She didn't feel dizzy anymore but still decided to lean on Rhett's strong form for support. Just in case, she told herself, although the fact that standing close to him made her feel present for the first time in months. For the brief time it took to walk to their carriage Scarlett felt like herself again.
Until they sat down, Rhett on one side with the children and Scarlett alone on the other. Then, just like the flurry of snowflakes that tried to make their way to the streets of Atlanta, the happy feeling melted away.