Resident Evil: Guardian
Chapter 11
"Hope is Just Another Four Letter Word"

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head i wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And i find i kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world

Gary Jules - "Mad World"

I rested my head against the side of the Humvee as my eyelids fluttered back and forth between consciousness and slumber as I fought against my own exhaustion. The fatigue was taking it's toll on me; it was the same with everybody else. The bird attack and subsequent loss of so many of our fellow survivors had left the rest of us with…well…I guess I can't really explain it. I guess you could say that I've lost…lost some hope…

I released a sigh as my eyes darted up to the sky to try and find something to catch my attention. I let my mind wander as a million thoughts went bouncing around my subconscious.

"Be sure to tell her how you feel…before it's too late."

LJ's words echoed through my head as I closed my eyes and let my thoughts reign freely.

Kmart, just how much does she mean to me? A lot, I know; but just how much is "a lot"? I mean, I realize I like her, that much I'm sure of…but, do I…do I love her…?

Once again, I sighed deeply and buried my head into my palms while the tips of my fingers grabbed at the roots of my hair and pulled hard.

I've always asked myself; what is love? I've never really known it on a personal level and every time I've asked about it, I'd get some cryptic and or retarded answer. Everything from, "You'll know it when the time comes", to "It's something words cannot express, you have to feel it in order to understand." Oh, and let's not forget the ever popular response of, "Baby don't hurt me."

But you know what? I think I can come up with my own description on what "love" is. To me, quite frankly; love is fairly fucking confusing!

Mentally exhausted, I released a frustrated, defeated sigh and opened up the Humvee doors. To hell with all of this! I'll bother with it all later, because right now, all I really want is some shut eye.

I laid my back against the seat and found it to be one of the most comfortable positions I've been in over a month. My eyes were just starting to close when I heard a knuckle tap against the glass.

Sighing at the loss chance of sleep, I opened up the door to find a bemused Mikey standing outside.

"Can I help you?" I asked, annoyed.

"Claire just arranged a meeting; five minutes. Get off your lazy ass and get moving." He grinned and started walking over to the gasoline tanker, probably to get Chase.

Rubbing my eyes tiredly, I sat up, grabbed my patrol cap and stepped out into hot Nevada sun, heading over to 8x8.

"This had better be important…"

"Holy. Shit." I said, breaking up the syllables in "holy" as Claire and Alice told us the news.

We weren't alone, there were others out there. Survivors up in Alaska. People, living people, no signs of infection. I couldn't believe it.

"A safe haven, free of infection." Chase mused as he skimmed through the small and worn out journal.

While searching a not to far off gas station, Alice had stumbled upon a journal which described transmissions from a colony of survivors who were hiding in Alaska in an isolated zone, free of any undead. Safety actually existed.

Mikey was looking through the book now. "It's the promised land…" he said, his voice wavering, thick with emotion, showing that he was overjoyed.

Claire however was a completely different story.

"Alaska? Are you all crazy?!" She said, exasperated and in disbelief and the rest of us stared at her as her words were blasphemy. "Have you any idea what kind of a journey that would be?" She had a good point. We were in Nevada right now, and Alaska is a long fucking way off. We'd have to travel through Oregon, Washington and then half of Canada…but still! Survivors for Christ's sake! This news was…well, this was salvation we were talking about.

"But Claire these transmissions-" Mikey tried to protest but Claire cut him off.

"Are dated six months ago. How many broadcasts have we responded to? How many times have we got there too late?"

Nobody bothered to respond to that. Claire was a realist and she had the uncanny ability of stated the facts, no matter how ugly they might be. See the truth of the matter is, we haven't found any survivors in the past month, and we've responded to literally dozens of distress transmissions. Either they already moved on and we find only what they left behind…or we find bits and pieces of what's left of them. So many times we've hopes raised only to have they stricken back down. I know, the chances of this "safe zone" being nothing more than a pipe dream are pretty high…but dammit! At least it's something! I'm so sick and tired of running scared through this wasteland, just delaying the inevitable. Just waiting for the day when one of us kicks the bucket. When I might die, or Claire, or Carlos or…or god forbid, Kmart…

No, no! Don't think about that. Bad thought. Bad thought. Horrible fucking thought…

In order to get my mind off those thoughts so frightening, I motioned to Mikey to pass on the journal. He handed it to me and I quickly skimmed through it; most of the writing we're old journal entries about how whoever wrote this was beginning to starve to death. There were some pictures, photos taken from what looked like a tourist's vacation brochure. The words "isolation" and "protection" scribbled up at the top. Continuing to the next page, I found more journal entries and several numbers/letters at the top of the pages, I think they were radio frequencies. Curious, I decided to read through the entries.

Journal 65, date…fuck if I know, feels like summer I guess…

Running dangerously low on food and water. Shit, stomach's hurting like a bitch. Checked the rat traps to see if I caught any more; they were empty. Personally, I think they realized what was going on and they high tailed it out of here. Fuck. Got to remember to check the traps down by the road later. Maybe I got lucky and a dumbass rabbit walked into it or something. But dammit, I'm so fuckin' hungry right now, I just…Christ, I can barely think straight. Writing helps, but the comfort is starting to fade and fade fast.

Was listening to emergency radio again to kill the time. Heard the broadcast on open frequencies. It was difficult to make out, took an hour or two but I think I figured out what they were talking about.

Those survivors have some sort of sanctuary up north in Alaska. Somewhere up there, people still living, safe from these zombie shitheads!

I think I made out a few names today. Apparently, there are two guys who are working together up there. Heard distorted messages about a dude named Nimitz and his buddies teaming up with a guy named Reagan.

Funny. It's like he was named after the former president. And these people keep referring to themselves in third person. What? Are these people fuckin' crazy or something…?

My eyes widened as I realized just what the hell this guy was hearing. The Nimitz, the Reagan. Holy shit! Those are U.S Navy aircraft carriers! They're…the Navy is still alive! And that means they have a base up in Alaska! Oh my god. The must have defenses set up, a quarantine zone or something like that. Some sort of safety…

I was brought back into the real world when Alice decided to step into the conversation and try to reason with Claire.

"The transmissions say that there's no infection up there. They're isolated -- safe." She wasn't the most eloquent or best at reasoning, but it sounded convincing enough. Unfortunately, Claire seemed to disagree. She responded, bitterly. "This convoy trust me with their lives." She let that sink in and I then realized how guilty I should be feeling right now. Here we are, trying to pressure her into leading the convoy outwards North, towards whatever is waiting there. Sure, it could be salvation…but it could also be death. And if we lose people, Claire will have no one to blame but herself. Damn, I can't coerce her into something this big, not when she has that heavy of a burden on her shoulders.

"These people don't need pipe dreams…" She finished with a heavy sigh.

"Maybe that's exactly what they need."

We all turned over to Carlos who finally decided to contribute to the conversation and Claire just gave him a look that just flat out said "No".

Carlos ignored it and continued. "Look at them Claire." He said quietly and we glanced upwards at the rest of the convoy. None of us failed to notice how miserable the survivors looked…or how few our numbers were now.

"Six months ago; there were fifty of us. Then forty. And now they're barley even twenty." His words held the painful sound of truth. Everywhere we go, there is always some sort of accident happening. Either someone is hurt, someone gets infected, or someone gets sick with an illness; whether it be the flu, pneumonia, or even a simple cold. Everywhere we go, it seemed we end up having to bury someone. Christ, we just buried ten people this morning…

"They're starting to give up," Carlos finished up. "They need some sort of hope."

"That kind of hope could get them killed." Claire retorted.

Carlos replied with a ruined laugh. "The world could get them killed Claire! Do you really think we have a better chance doing what we're doing now? Driving around aimlessly, hoping for the best while getting menaced by the undead birds? This is the best chance at safety we've ever had, I say we don't sit on our asses and let it pass us by." He left it at that and none of us said a thing for a moment or two.

Claire looked so conflicted with herself, silently staring at nothing, contemplating what we were going to do.

"Okay," She said quietly and the rest of us looked up, surprised and hopeful. "But I won't be the one to make the decision; we need to gather everyone else, we're going to have a vote."

And then minutes later, all the other survivors in the convoy were gathered around the 8x8, everyone's eyes on Claire as she spoke and the moment of truth arose.

"We have a decision to make, but it's too big, too important for me to make it for you." There was complete silence as she spoke, even the dry desert wind seemed to stop, for a moment at least.

"There's a chance that there are survivors in Alaska. There's a chance that the infection hasn't reached that far. But we don't know for sure. So we have a choice: we stay as we are, or we try for Alaska." She paused, letting the shocking info sink in.

"For Alaska?"

I rose my hand; beside me, Kmart's delicate hand rose. To my left, to my right, many more hands were raised. It was an overwhelming response.

Claire nodded to us all and responded, quietly, "Alaska."

That was all it took.

The convoy cheered and people clapped in celebration. I laughed and to my right, Kmart reached forward for a hug which I gleefully accepted.

"We're going to be alright!" She looked so hopeful, so alive that I couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah," I smiled, contently. "We're going to make it."

And for once, the future looked bright.

An hour later, that bright future seemed to become a little more…gray.

"I've got about half a tank left, that's it. And with the added weight…" Mikey shrugged as Carlos frowned slightly.

"Chase?" He asked, clearly not expecting much, which was exactly what he received.

"Aw shit, I'm just about empty. Got enough for a hundred miles, tops." Carlos nodded with empathy. He then motioned to me and I just gave him a look and shrugged.

"Dude, I'm running on fumes. I'll be lucky if I even make it half that of Chase."

"So if we're going to make this trip," Carlos said, reached to his side to bring out an old, torn up map that's seen better days. "We're going to have to resupply." We all crowded around the map to get a good view of it.

"The nearest, safest bet is here." Carlos pointed to a small town station not far from our current position.

After a glance, Alice shook her head. "I tried that one, it's empty." She said in her usually raspy voice.

"Here?" He asked her, pointing at another nearby station. But she just shook her head again.

"Well…" He trailed off, his eyes searching for another resupply point.

"Vegas" Claire's voice suddenly stated, and we all looked over towards her side of the tent.

"It's the only place we're sure to find gasoline and supplies." She continued and the rest of us just stared at her like she was insane.

"Well there's a reason for that," Carlos said. "Vegas is too damn dangerous."

"Yeah, it's gunna be crawling with those sons of bitches." Chase said, agreeing with Carlos.

"Look we've sucked every small-town pump dry over the last six months. We have to hit a big city." We were silent for a bit, she wasn't really considering this? Was she…?

"She's right." Alice suddenly said. "Vegas is our best bet."

Great, everybody's gone crazy on us now.

"Uh, sorry; not to rain on anybody's parade but," I spoke up. "You guys do realize how low we are on ammunition, right? I mean, I've got a single magazine left for my rifle. Chase how much you got?" I asked him and he scratched his head, nervously.

"Two mags for the rifle. A dozen shots for the revolver." I then motioned to Mikey and he responded.

"Three pistol clips and a couple shells left for the shotgun." I then turned to Claire.

"If we go to Vegas, we'll have one hell of a fight on our hands. And we don't have enough ammo to last us through that fight. We'll be like lambs to the slaughter…" I finished and Claire was silent for a moment, thinking it over.

"What about Alice?" Kmart spoke up from the other side of the tent. "She killed all those crows with her fucking mind! Who needs bullets?" She smiled and turned her head to Alice who responded to the compliment by ruffling her hair.

Carlos chuckled. "Well, can't argue with that logic." He then turned serious. "So we doing this or what?"

Mikey shrugged. "Yeah, I'm in."

"Works for me. Let's saddle up!" Chase said.

Carlos turned to me and I grinned sheepishly. "Figures I get ruled out by the fan girl…" I said, glancing over to Kmart who took time out of her "busy" schedule of admiring Alice to glare and stick her tongue out at me. I rolled my eyes.

"So we good?" Claire asked and we all nodded. "Alright then, pack up; we leave in twenty." She dismissed us and I jogged back over to the Humvee and quickly packed up my things. It wasn't long until Claire authority came over the radio waves and we started moving. On the way there, I did a quick mental assessment of how much ordinance I'm packing.

A single magazine; roughly thirty shots for my M-16.

Three mags for my sidearm; that's forty-five rounds.

A pair of frags and a single 40mm launched grenade.

Now, all in all; that would add up to about…I don't know, a hundred zombies dead if all goes fantastic and I don't miss, not once.

So that's good. A hundred zombies dead…

…Out of about three million that infest the city streets.

Gotta love suicide missions. Same shit different day.

"Uh…okay, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the Las Vegas Strip supposed to be…oh I don't know, populated or something?!"

The city was halfway under the sand. Nearly completely swept up and buried. Gone. There was barely anything here. Just the remnants of once brilliant lights, skyscrapers and casinos which once thrived with life. Now it was devoid of any signs of life, undead or otherwise.

Way to eerie for me…

"Stop here." Claire ordered over the radios and the convoy complied, parking to front of a halfway buried billboard. In a moment, Carlos was up the thing, climbing the ladder. He rest of top of the ruined billboard, binoculars in hand. It was silent for a bit.

"See anything?" Claire asked over the radio.

"No, nothing but sand and buildings." He responded, beginning his trek down.

This was just too weird. No zombies. That was a first. And this was once a big, well populated city. There should be hordes upon hordes of flesh eating corpses slouching and moaning their way over to us. Instead, we got sand. Lots and lots of sand.

The convoy slowly started moving again. I kept the Humvee in a slow pace as I carefully watched my surroundings. Despite the fact that all I saw was sand and buried casinos and hotels, I wasn't letting my guard down, there has to be something still here.

As we drove, I listened in to the conversations over the radio, Alice believed that the infected birds; much like the ones we fought before, had previously made Las Vegas their own personal all-you-can-eat buffet. She says that they probably went from street to street, corner to corner, consuming every undead they could find.

They picked this city clean.

I shivered and quickly glanced upward at the sky. We've already had our asses handed to us by zombie birds once before, I'd rather not go through that again…

"Stop!" Claire yelled over the comm and I looked forward just in time to see the Humvee about to rear-end the gas tanker.

"Oh shit!" I slammed on the brakes, coming within just a few inches of the truck's bumper.

Way to close to comfort…

Grabbing a pair of Oakley sunglasses, I jumped out of the Humvee and jogged forward to check out what had Claire so spooked. The others were exiting their vehicles as well, checking their nearby area for any signs of infected.

When I got to the front of the convoy, I saw why Claire had ordered the halt. There was a huge metal freight container blocking the path. It sat I neatly, in front of a what I guess was the entrance to a parking garage or a nearby casino. The entrance also had a couple signs hanging, one of them, in neat bold print: GASOLINE --

Well ain't that convenient?

"We're going to have to move it." Claire muttered, I looked over my shoulder to Carlos and he nodded. I began jogging back over the Humvee to grab some hooks and cables to help out with the process. On the way, I heard Claire call out to Chase to set up a look out up on the re-created Eifel Tower. I couldn't help but chuckle at the face he made when he looked up at it's imposing height. Poor bastard.

My smile faded however when I saw LJ, however. He looked worse for the wear. His skin was pale, there were bags under his eyes, his forehead glistened with perspiration, and he just looked as if he would collapse at any given moment.

It seemed that Betty's death had fucked him up, both emotionally and physically.

He looked up and we made eye contact. It lasted for a second before he gave me a ruined smile, and shook his head.

"Don't worry about me, man. I'll be fine."

I nodded, but I didn't believe him and I didn't stop worrying. It looked like he needed help. Damn, looks like I'll have to talk to Claire about his later…

I dropped off the cables at the front of Claire's Hummer; they began working and I headed back over to the vehicles. Spying Kmart sitting on a sand dune not to far away, I walked over and casually sat down next to her; silently watching the others work.

"Doesn't really make any sense." I said, staring at the freight container.

"What does?" Kmart asked, curiously raising an eyebrow. "The lack of zombies, here?"

I shook my head. "No, just wondering…" I trailed off, still focusing on the container.

"Wondering about what?"

"Look around you." I turned to her and she slowly took in her surroundings. "What do you see?"

"Sand." She replied, simply. "Lots and lots of sand."

"Exactly." I stated. "Everything here, the whole city, is covered in sand. Cars, trees, entire buildings; all buried underneath our feet." I looked back out towards the container. "Then, how is it that a huge freight container is just randomly laying out here, in the middle of nowhere? Lying on top of all this sand…?"

"So somebody put it here? On purpose?"

"I guess so." I turned back to Kmart and it looked as if her curiosity peaked.

"But…why?" She asked and I was going to say something when there was yelling and a commotion going on, down by the container.

"The hell?" We both stood up and I saw Alice yelling at everyone while simultaneously waving her shotgun over at the container. Sensing something wrong, I turned to Kmart who had a worried look on her face. "I'm gunna check it out, stay here." I said and she nodded, understanding.

I ran over to where Mikey was, standing among a crowd who were silently watching Claire and Carlos try and calm down Alice.

"Hey, what-" I started but a loud crash interrupted me. Everyone looked up to see that the door to the container had suddenly came crashing down to the ground. I raised an eyebrow but when I saw Claire, Carlos and Alice all aiming their weapons over at the container, I shouldered my rifle and prepped for worst.

It was quiet for a moment, the only sounds I heard was the hot desert breeze that flew on by.

Then, all hell broke loose.

Uh...surprise?