A New Beginning

Chapter 6: Letters, Talks, and Jealousy

Harry had been at the Manor for a week. A whole week. A whole week in which Severus had barely left his side, and the twins made his food (not that he could eat much still, but at least he was eating something,) and Tom had spoken to him for at least five minutes every day, asking him if he needed anything, if he wanted to talk about Tom's side of the war, if he was okay. Tom had also felt the baby's magic a few more times, almost every day, and the look of wonder, plus the small smile, that filled the man's red eyes every time made Harry smile also.

It also made his heart flutter slightly. But he chose to ignore that feeling.

Not that it was hard to do with everything that was going on in his mind, or in the outside world. The nightmares. The pain. The memories.

He dreamed the other night of what would have happened if he was actually locked away with Moony during the full moon. It was, perhaps, the most terrifying dream he could ever have had. Sirius was there, too, in his dog form, barking happily as it happened.

Harry was so hysterical after that dream that it took Severus and the twins an hour to calm him down, even with pregnancy safe calming draughts. He also didn't think he had ever vomited as much as he had after that dream. And Merlin did the vomiting hurt.

He was eleven weeks pregnant, now. Narcissa and Severus were checking on him and the baby every few days, to make sure there were no other complications that they could currently see. Everything was fine, though the baby was a little small. That could be fixed though with the potions he was taking every day, and food.

It didn't stop him from worrying about anything else being wrong, though. And he hated that he had to wait until so far into the pregnancy for an in depth scan. He needed to know. He needed to know if they…

He needed to know if they had hurt his baby.

Somehow.

Some way.

They did say, however, that his magic was… weaker than it usually was. By quite a bit. He wasn't surprised, he had used so much magic to protect his child, and it was weakening the more he had to do so. He could feel it. He knew that if he was there for even just a few more days then he would have been depleted to the point where he wouldn't have been able to… His baby would have died.

His baby would have died.

But they said his magic was… healing. Though it was doing so incredibly slowly. It was also damaged by the lack of food and sleep, not just from the amount of powerful magic he had had to use to keep himself and his baby safe.

They said that he shouldn't use too much magic during the pregnancy, if any. So as not to deplete it further. Only to use magic if he absolutely needed to.

They also said that he… that he may give birth early, if his magic wasn't healed enough to keep the baby inside him during the last weeks of the pregnancy.

And that terrified him.

What if the baby was born too early?

What if…?

No, he couldn't think about that.

He just couldn't.

They said that they had time, though. That they could get everything ready so they were prepared no matter what happened. No matter when he went into labour. Severus would brew potions to help the baby with the issues that may come up if they are born early, and to help Harry with any potential complications that may arise during or after birth. They would have all the necessary equipment brought in, and Narcissa was trained to help with premature babies so she knew spells and things that she would brush up on, just in case.

It didn't stop his fear, though. He knew they had time to prepare for anything, and they would prepare for everything, but it still scared the crap out of him. Because if they were preparing for everything then they had to prepare for the worst, right?

And he couldn't bear the worst.

He just couldn't.

Bump was growing. Not by much, but it was bigger than it was when he arrived at the Manor. And it both thrilled and pained him whenever he thought of that, felt it, or saw it in the bathroom mirror.

It was the 7th of September and already the news had spread that he wasn't at Hogwarts. Though Dumbledore released a statement yesterday saying that Harry was away getting some one on one training for his fight against Voldemort. Harry had snorted when Severus showed him the article. As if the old man would have ever been gracious enough to give him the training needed to survive a proper battle with Tom. It was ludicrous.

He hadn't read the letters from Neville or Luna, yet. He couldn't… He couldn't bring himself to. They sat, perfectly innocently, on his bedside table and he couldn't find it in himself to open them.

He knew, logically, that they were both loyal friends. That they would both support and help him and his baby. He knew that. But there was a part of him that expected rejection. And it ached fiercely. He couldn't deal with that on top of everything else. He really couldn't.

But Merlin did he want to read those letters.

To know, once and for all, that he still had his friends on his side.

Yet the fear threatened to topple him every time he even glanced at them.

He had never been so scared before.

So terrified.

He thought it rather uncharacteristic of himself to be this scared of everything and everyone.

But he couldn't help it.

The people he had loved and cared for like family, when his own, actual family had abused him so, had tried to hurt him in the worst way possible. And he was fucking terrified.

But, he was being adopted tomorrow, hopefully. Along with the twins who had had a talk of their own with Severus. And he would have a proper family then. Ones who wouldn't hurt him. Who would love him, and his baby.

But that fleeting happiness that crossed his mind whenever he thought of it didn't get rid of the fear he felt deep within. Nothing could.

"Harry, you should read them," Severus said gently when he noticed that Harry's eyes had glanced over at them again.

Harry was leaning against the man, still in the bed he had been in all week because he didn't have the energy to do anything else but lay there.

"I know," Harry whispered.

"Do you actually think that either Miss Lovegood, or Mr Longbottom would say anything to hurt you, Harry?" Severus asked, his voice gentle still as he rubbed Harry's back, and kissed the top of his head.

"No," Harry muttered as Tom entered the room, the red eyes flaring with… something as he looked at Harry and Severus cuddled together on the bed. Something that Harry had seen in his eyes a few times now but Harry couldn't quite place.

"How are you feeling, Harry?" Tom asked kindly as he sat in a chair next to the bed.

"Tired, and nauseous," Harry said, smiling slightly at Tom, who smiled a small smile back at him.

And Harry ignored the flutters in his heart as the man asked to feel the baby's magic, and the warm hand laid gently, yet protectively over his belly, and the red eyes gleamed in awe… and something else as they glanced between Harry's eyes and belly.

And after about five minutes of small talk between the three, in which Tom kept looking suspiciously between Severus and Harry with that gleam of… something in his eyes he stood and said, "Severus, may I have a private word with you?" a fierce edge to his voice.

Harry tensed slightly and Severus squeezed him gently, placing a kiss on his head before letting go.

"It's fine, Harry. The twins will be here soon with your food so you won't be alone for long. I'll be right back," Severus said gently, "Maybe you can use this time to read those letters of yours. The sooner you read them, the sooner you will know. Then you, perhaps, won't be as scared," he kissed the top of Harry's head again and left the room, followed by Tom, the door closing gently behind them.

Harry took a deep, shaky breath and glanced at the letters again, his thumb rubbing at his bump gently as he breathed and contemplated finally reading them.

Severus was right, he knew. The sooner he read them the sooner he would know. The sooner he would have answers to his millions of questions and doubts. The sooner he would be less scared of his two loyal friends. Or who he hoped were two loyal friends.

Merlin, everything was a mess.

He reached slowly over to them and picked them up, pulling them close. He looked at his name, written on both the envelopes, and he knew instantly who wrote each one. Luna's writing was elegant, but also curly. Neville's was elegant and flowing. Harry's was just a mess, really. Though he had never been taught how to write with a quill, and he rather thought the damage his hand had sustained over the years at the Dursley's didn't help matters. Severus agreed. But Severus was going to properly teach him everything he needed to know when Harry was feeling better, more rested. Harry's education still mattered, after all.

He took another shaky breath and opened Luna's letter, unfolding the parchment inside and looking at the elegantly curly script nervously for a few seconds before finally taking in the words that were written.

…

Tom led Severus to his study and gestured for the man to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk as Tom sat in the comfortable one behind it. And he couldn't stop the glare as he looked into the dark eyes of the man opposite him.

"My Lord?" Severus prompted, and Tom could see the nervousness in his eyes, though the man was trying to hide it.

"What is going on between you and Harry?" Tom demanded.

Severus' eyes widened a fraction in confusion and shock, "I beg your pardon, My Lord?"

"What is going on between you and Harry?" Tom said again, his voice firm.

"I don't know what you are referring to, My Lord,"

"Stop calling me that, Severus. I told you, you may call me Tom now. I am referring to your obvious… comfort together. The way you hold him, and look after him, the way you look at him, and he looks at you. The way you interact with each other. The way you obviously love him. And he obviously loves you. I know you told me you have been looking after, helping, and protecting him for years. But you didn't tell me you were courting him, Severus-"

"I'm not courting him, Tom," Severus said, confusion still shining in his dark eyes.

"Then what is going on between you? I would like to be a father for my child, but-" Tom said, his voice tough and demanding.

"I am adopting him, Tom. Tomorrow, hopefully. He is like a son to me. Hopefully he will be my son soon. I love him, yes, and he loves me, for some reason. But not romantically. I am also adopting the twins tomorrow, hopefully. I am gay, yes, but I am also a bearer, like Harry. I'm not in love with him. And even if I was… courting Harry, which I wouldn't when he is sixteen years old, by the way… I wouldn't keep you away from your child, Tom. Not unless you did something to hurt the baby or Harry. Though, let it be known that I will do whatever I can to keep you away from them if you even think about hurting them, or the twins," Severus glared slightly at Tom, "But I'm not in love with him. He is my son in all the ways that matter. He, the baby, and the twins are the most important people in my life. But I won't be keeping you away from your baby so long as you don't hurt them. There is nothing to be jealous about…" Severus smirked at the almost gaping man opposite him.

"I'm not jealous," Tom sputtered.

"Really? You practically just asked me if I was in love with one of my students. I've seen the looks you have been giving me and Harry all week. You care for him, in some way-"

"He is carrying my baby, I care about his safety, and the safety of our child. I don't love him," Tom said.

"I never said you did love him. Though, I think, even if you did love him, you wouldn't really realise it just yet. You only just got your emotions and mind back, Tom. You're confused. That's okay. It will take time for you to come to terms with everything. But, in any case, if you hurt him, your child, or the twins, I am taking them all away from here and protecting them to the best of my ability, but not before hurting you first. Just so you're aware, of course. They are my priorities in everything. And if you even think about making a move on my son before he is seventeen, I will torture you. He has been through enough as is without you-"

"No moves are going to be made because there are no moves to make. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to keep my child from me," Tom said, cutting Severus off.

"And you should have known that I wouldn't have done that no matter what the situation between Harry and I was. Do I seem the type to keep people's children from them?" Severus asked, sounding slightly affronted.

"No," Tom muttered, "But that doesn't mean I was jealous, or that I want to court Harry, or anything,"

"And yet, the more you try to defend yourself, the more you make it seem like you do, in fact, want to court my son," Severus said, smirking again at the man.

"I don't,"

"For now," Severus smirked, "Though, if you do change your mind once you get to know him some more, then please do wait until he is at least seventeen before you do anything,"

"What kind of a person do you take me for, Severus?" Tom said.

Severus just raised his eyebrow at the man.

"Just be lucky I didn't say thirty, like I desperately wish I could," Severus said, smirking at the slightly paling man.

"I wasn't jealous," Tom said firmly.

"You keep telling yourself that, Tom," Severus said, still smirking though it was becoming more of a grin, "Though, maybe you should spend more time with him. He is exhausted, yes, but I think he would like it, so long as the war isn't brought up. You are having a child together, after all, so you should get to know each other, properly,"

"It's a bit hard to do that when you are always there with him," Tom said.

"How is it? Can I not be part of the conversation? Harry needs all of us right now, he is struggling with everything and he needs support, he doesn't need us excluding each other from our conversations because of jealousy or anything else. Whatever you say to him can be said in front of others, Tom. Harry needs to feel safe. He knows he is safe here, yes. But he has been unsafe for his entire life, so it is hard to work past that. He needs support, and he needs the people he cares about around him, the people that care about him, and his child. One day, he will be comfortable enough to have a conversation with you on his own, but right now… right now he needs love, acceptance, and comfort. So let him have those things whilst you talk. Don't talk about the war, or your intertwined pasts. Talk about life, what you like and dislike, the baby, your friends, your family, anything but what has made him so unsafe for the past sixteen years. And he will open up to you, too. He will tell you what he wants, what he needs. And he will truly start to feel safe," Severus said, as gently as he could.

"He should know he is safe," Tom said, confused.

"He does, logically. He knows that you can't and won't do anything to hurt him or the baby. But he is still scared. He is scared that the baby has been harmed by those who he called family. He is scared that he will give birth early because his body and magic won't be able to handle the pregnancy in the last weeks. He is scared that someone else will try and hurt him and the baby. He is scared that Dumbledore will find him and do… things to him and his child. He has been having nightmares nearly every night. He wants peace. And he wants safety. And he wants love, and care, and protection. He wants a family. He wants friends. And he has so very little of those things. So provide them. Become his friend, Tom. The more you talk to him, the more you open up, the more he will, too. The more he will feel safe," Severus said.

Tom just nodded, not sure what to say.

"I'm going back to Harry now," Severus said, and Tom nodded again, dismissing Severus with a wave of his hand.

…

Dear Harry,

Father and I were visited by the Headmaster a few days ago. He wanted to know if we knew where you, Fred and George were because you had all gone missing. Of course we told him we didn't know where you were, but he said to tell him if we ever found out. He looked around the whole house with some Order members to make sure you weren't hiding.

He told us about your baby, Harry. That he needed to know where you were so he could stop you from bringing another… monster into the world. That he needed to figure out a way of destroying the shield that kept appearing around you whenever he tried to 'help'. He asked if we knew how to, but we said no.

Know, Harry, that father and I are on your side, as always. We support you and your baby, and we care for you both. No matter what happens, we will always be here for you, we will always aid you. And… we know where you are, Harry, and you made the right choice in the end. We support you. Your baby isn't a monster, Harry, no matter what anyone says. Your baby is precious, special, and amazing. A true miracle. And we will do whatever we can to help you and your baby, Harry. You are family.

Always,

Luna.

Harry breathed a shaky sigh of relief as he finished reading the letter from Luna. He knew… He knew deep down that she would support him, but he was so bloody relieved for the confirmation.

He opened Neville's letter next, after carefully putting Luna's back on his bedside table, and glanced over the writing before reading the words themselves:

Dear Harry,

How are you? I hope you're okay, or as okay as you can be, I guess. Headmaster Dumbledore came to see gran and I, to see if we knew where you were because you and the twins had run away. We said no, of course, because we don't know where you are. And even if we did know where you were we wouldn't have said anything, I promise. You would only run away if you had a good reason to do so.

And Merlin did you. I am sorry he tried to hurt you so badly, Harry. That he tried to take your baby from you. He has no right. Just because the father is… Voldemort, it doesn't mean the baby will be bad. Your baby is a bloody miracle and you both deserve so much better than what the Headmaster tried to do to you.

I hope you are all okay, wherever you are. I understand if you don't want to tell me. But know that you have my support. And gran's. She is angry that he dared to try and kill an unborn child without the mother's permission. Yes, she doesn't like who the child's father is, but she knows that that doesn't mean the child will be bad. Especially when raised by someone like you.

You will be the best mum, Harry, I'm sure of it. The way you look after everyone around you, but especially the younger students. You are so kind, and amazing. And you and your baby have my support and love, always. You are the best friend I could ask for, Harry, and I am here to help you in any way I can. I promise. I will keep an eye on things at the school for you, so you know what is going on here. I hope I can come and see you soon, to make sure you and baby are okay, but I understand if you can't. Your safety is top priority right now.

Love you, brother,

Neville.

And Harry was crying as he read the words that he knew would be there but was so very terrified wouldn't be. He carefully placed the letter back with Luna's as the door opened and the twins entered, closely followed by Severus, carrying a tray of food and drinks.

"Harry, are you okay?" Severus asked, worried, as he sped over to the bed and sat next to Harry, who lent into him, instinctively seeking warmth and comfort.

"I read the letters," Harry said quietly as the man's arms wrapped around him.

"And what did they say?" Severus said as he rubbed Harry's back.

"They support me. And I knew they would, but I was just so scared," Harry said, his voice trembling slightly.

"I know you were, Harry. But it's okay. It's okay," Severus said, his voice gentle.

It took Harry a little while to calm down but he was soon carefully eating his mixed berry porridge. He wasn't feeling up to anything too greasy at the moment, his stomach was far too queasy for it. He was letting the gentle conversation around him settle him even more as he relaxed back into the pillows and tried to forget… most of everything. But his mind was too full these days.

Much too full.

Hiya, how are you all?

I hope you enjoyed this long chapter of nearly 4000 words. Hopefully it wasn't as emotional as the other stuff I have written lately. But honestly I am a mess. Does anyone fancy running away with me and starting a coven in the forest, or in the Highlands or some other mountainous region in the UK (because I don't have a passport), maybe even building our own castle somewhere, with a village nearby? I swear I am just done with life right now, haha. Fanfics are my life at the moment because I certainly have nothing else going for me.

Merlin am I exhausted.

Anywho, I posted an essay/petition where I (un)officially explain why I think I should be cast as my favourite character, Severus Snape, in the new HBO series, despite the fact that I am a woman. It would mean a lot if you went and read it, but no pressure. It isn't going to lead to anything, unless, by some miracle, it goes viral, but it was fun to write. Feel free to go and check it out.

Also, I am working on some Spotify playlists for my fanfics, so if you can think of any songs you think work with the stories as they are so far, or where you think they are going, or songs that give you the vibes you get from the stories, then please do let me know and I will give them a listen, then potentially add them to the playlists. I will let you know as soon as they are ready, though it may take a few weeks because life.

I have a Facebook group called Maraudering_Paige which you are all welcome to join if you would like to and are able to. It is where we can talk about Harry Potter, fanfics, life, share memes and more. It is also where I have somewhat of an update schedule for my fics and will be keeping you up to date on what I am working on, in regards to fanfics, original works, and more things. So if you are interested in joining then I am more than happy to accept you all.

I hope you are having an amazing day!

Kind regards,

Paige xx