Name.

Do not call me by that-! … Name.

As confused as Ahsoka was by the fact that her master had chosen Barriss as his healer – had been strangely fixated on it, in fact – she was far more worried about his earlier outburst in the lift.

Name.

It was the only word that fit where her master had cut himself off. Anakin had snapped at them to not call him by his own name. Why? What about his name had made him so angry? Obviously it was something to do with his vision – because as of only a few hours earlier, everything had to do with his vision – but what could he have seen to make him so angry upon hearing his own name? There had been such disgust and loathing in his voice; a pure hatred, voiced towards himself …

"Ahsoka? Are you listening?"

She blinked, focusing on her surroundings and realized that her healer - a pink Mon Calamari - had been trying to get her attention.

Bant Eerin wasn't a healer that Ahsoka knew very well. In part, it was probably due to the fact that Ahsoka took after her master, and avoided healers when she could. But most of it was because she was hardly ever at the Jedi temple. Always off-planet, fighting in the war, the healer that she knew best was Kix, the clone medic for the 501st attack battalion.

Of course she'd grown up in the temple. She knew Master Che from her childhood visits to the healer, and Master Luminara was the one who had trained Barriss. In most situations, though - especially if the pain was Force-related - she was taken care of by her master or Master Obi-Wan.

None of those healers were anything like Bant Eerin, however. Or - perhaps more accurately - Bant Eerin was nothing like them.

Based on her almost endless chatter, Bant was an old friend of Master Obi-Wan's, and had been very excited to help with her checkup. Even as Ahsoka forced a smile in response to some of the many questions Bant was asking her, the healer was still talking.

She talked about how she hadn't seen Obi-Wan in such a long time, but that she was glad that his funeral had been faked, and hadn't that wave in the Force been strange, and did Ahsoka's head still hurt … Ahsoka hardly paid any attention, beyond cringing at the mention of Master Kenobi's fake funeral. That was something that still hurt to think about, though the bubbly healer before her had clearly already forgiven – if not forgotten – the lie.

Bant was kind, but Ahsoka wished that she were with Barriss. She knew Barriss better, and more importantly, then she could be with Anakin as well. Because Anakin had picked Barriss to do his checkup.

Why?

Barriss had seemed confused when it had happened, leaving Ahsoka to assume that she was just as surprised as the rest of them were by the request. And that, on top of his outburst in the lift, made it almost impossible for Ahsoka to focus on anything that Bant was asking her.

"Sorry." She said, "I guess I'm distracted."

"That's all right." Bant beamed at her, "It's easy to be distracted." Ahsoka was sure that Bant was being completely genuine, and couldn't help but return the smile. "I was just saying that if you felt up to it we could meditate together and I could try and pinpoint the root of the problem."

Ahsoka already knew the root of the problem, and wished that she could just go see him instead, but nodded. "We can meditate." She needed to talk to Anakin, but that meant finishing with the healers first, and so she wanted it to be done as quickly as possible. Crossing her legs, Ahsoka sat up straight in her seat, preparing for the joint meditation that was coming. She made an effort to keep her thoughts to herself as Bant knelt in front of her on the other meditation chair, her giant eyes closing as her Force signature reached out.

Soft like sea-foam with a flowery smell, Bant's lively and lovely signature surrounded her, and Ahsoka closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then let it in. The signature was soothing to her troubled mind, bringing a peace and hope that burned like a spritely candle. Bant's presence carefully and smoothly moved directly towards the source of the pain, the smell of flowers mingling for a moment with the stench of decay.

Her training bond.

Ahsoka had been using it, doing her very best to communicate to him through it, but it was closed so completely that it felt lifeless. She hesitantly followed Bant down the once-familiar path, picking her way past withered feelings and memories that were barely clinging to life. She felt a shudder through the Force, and was surprised to find that it had come from Bant, whose previously powerful hope seemed to have dampened considerably.

Even with less power behind her healing, the Mon Calamari's presence seemed to perk up and slightly rejuvenate some of the bond, easing the pounding of Ahsoka's head considerably. Then they ran up against the wall that had separated Ahsoka from her master ever since his vision. Only a few moments were spent before it, and then Bant was pulling away quickly, leaving Ahsoka alone with the bitter remnants of what had once been her brightest and most powerful connection.

Ahsoka knew that something had hurt her Master, and she had to check her anger when it manifested. She was angry, though. Angry at the vision, angry at the changes that she saw in one of her dearest friends, and angry that Barriss was the one who was helping him through it right at that moment.

A light touch on her hand pulled her from the meditation, and she left the debris of her bond, opening her eyes with a sigh of relief. Her head felt much better, but her heart pounded as she met Bant's heavy gaze. In direct contrast to her earlier cheer, the Mon Calamari had gone all but silent, large eyes shining with worry. "I suspect that there's more to this than I can see, but that bond is barely holding together."

"Is … is it going to break?" Ahsoka forced herself to say the words, then bit her lip to wait for the answer.

"Let's go meet with the others, and we can set up a plan to fix it." Bant smiled, but it was too sympathetic to be hopeful. And far too afraid. There was something that the healer hadn't said - something she wasn't saying - and Ahsoka was too tired and scared herself to be patient about it.

"What did you see?"

Bant looked away for a moment, and her fear became prominent enough that Ahsoka felt it. "I've never encountered anything like this before, but it looked like- … well. The bond is all shriveled up, but that sort of damage could only happen over years of neglect …"

"What are you saying?" Ahsoka was trying to understand what had Bant so terrified, beyond the fact that the bond was hanging on by a thread.

"I'm saying that the only way that sort of damage could be done is if the bond was cut off - if the decay was accelerated - and the light side doesn't … it can't- …"

"What?" Ahsoka's voice was a whisper, and she fell silent when Bant gave her another look of terror, responding softly.

"Let's go and hear what Master Che has to say. She will know what to do."

Ahsoka's mind was reeling as she stood, unable to focus on anything but the words that were echoing in her mind. Dark side: two words that had been implied but never spoken directly. She wished that she could forget them, but not nearly so badly as she wished she could disbelieve them.

Because she did believe them.

Well gremlins, I'm back and it's been ages, I know. I did want to post something for Star Wars day, and I actually really regret that I didn't have this ready for my dad's birthday. My dad is literally the best and staunchest supporter that I have. He's always reading and reviewing my work, and has encouraged me ever since I was a child (when my writing was ... well it wasn't great, let's just say, haha). His birthday was at the end of March, but I just wanna say that even though I didn't finish it in time, it is 100% dedicated to him. :)

I love you, Dad, and I hope you liked it, short as it ended up being.

As for the chapter itself, I've had it written in random bits and pieces for ages now, but had absolutely no motivation to put them together until I realized that it was almost May 4th and I had failed to do it for my dad's b-day. There are lots of reasons for the loss of motivation, but I won't bore y'all with the details. I did put it together, in the end, and even if it's not my favorite chapter in the world, ya'll certainly deserve it. Happy Star Wars day, everyone, and may the Force be with you!